Pilot-centric thoughts post-4.02
I've been working on my post about my holiday but it's loooong and in the meantime my thoughts keep flying back to BSG. Not helped by the fact that wisteria_ has posed some terrific burning questions about the first two eps. I couldn't really answer any of them but I do have more to say on the subject of pilots.
OK, ok, this is going to be hideously sappy. Don't say I didn't warn you! But I am currently in an idyllic place of OTP zen (term coined from dionusia). This is a very rare state of being and I intend to stay there as long as possible! Also, I was able to pick supacat's brains on what was going on with Kara in the last two eps. I always love her take on Kara. It isn't always the same as fandom's dominant take but it always gives me something new to think about and I feel like I get to see the other side of the picture through her eyes. Of course, that makes the conversation sound like a peaceful exchange of views. Actually it was more like this:
Cat: So I saw 4.2.
Bop: OMG! *stops breathing*
Cat: *makes some random comments about other parts of the ep while Bop tries to focus on driving* Oh, and the pilots scene was sooo good.
Bop: Yeah, it was fantastic!
Cat: Except that Lee's line about 'especially you' was totally WTF!
Bop: *trying to avoid swerving off course* OMG, no way! Kara's line was the WTF line!
Cat: What?! What do you MEAN?! The one time that Kara asked for something, the ONE TIME...
Bop (internally): I knew it. I knew there would be screaming.
*conversation descends into flailing and talking over one another as Bop caves and pulls over*
Out of our three-hour-long conversation we gleaned the following:
- Kara and Lee both unconsciously gave the other the reassurance that they needed. I explained that Lee desperately wanted Kara's approval about his change in career. That was perhaps less obvious than Kara's need to be believed. The unconscious part is what's interesting though. Even though he was seeking to reassure, I don't think Lee really knew just how desperately Kara needed to be told he believed in her. And Kara didn't know that her 'so say we all' and her wishing him all the best and her general pleased-ness to see him meant so much to him. Both of them were somewhat 'selfish' in that scene in that they wanted the other's approval/blessing and wanted to reconnect before parting. So it's touching that somehow they also found a way, somewhat blindly, to give the other back that same approval or blessing.
- Both Kara and Lee are more emotionally centred this season. That's the best way I can think to describe it. There's an inner stillness and certainty to each of them, regardless of what's going on on the outside. With Lee, you could see it in the scene where he turned down his father's invitation to return to the fleet. With Kara it's harder to see because she's so emotional on the surface, but she's more determined than ever before. I've almost wanted to say she's more 'confident', but what she's confident about is not herself, but the fact that she's found the way to Earth. That's bigger than her, and it's leant her this absolute driven certainty. She was always courageous and self-sacrificing, but now she's got something to fight for. (Oh. Wait. That was Anders. *groan*) Anyway, I find it really moving that both of them have found their way to a place of personal certainty. I think we saw Kara start to get there in Maelstrom, and I'm not sure that it's just the journey we didn't see that got her there--we did get to see her make peace with herself, and especially her fear of death, last season. And of course there is this sense that they each have a 'destiny' now. As Lee says, it doesn't matter that they don't understand all the whys and hows: they just believe. And while that has religious overtones I like that it's not being played massively that way by either of them. Neither is suggesting that they're connected to the deities or the prophecies; their certainty and faith is internal and personal. To describe it another way, they've 'found themselves'.
- 'Except me' and 'Especially you' were a bit 'wtf' to Lee and Kara themselves, respectively. And I think it was dionusia who said that in the beat following that moment there was the sense of hope that they might be closer to being on the same page than they thought. Kara believes Lee turned her down once and for all in TAB. Lee thinks Kara wasn't that serious anyway and that she went back to Sam happily. His 'especially you' echoes his 'whatever it takes' from Maelstrom; he'd do anything for Kara, if she asked (or if he just clued on to her signals as he does later in that scene). As Cat was at pains to point out, Kara's confused by his 'especially you' because the one time she really put herself on the line and asked for the biggest thing of all (him leaving Dee) he rejected her. (It's really hard for me to write that without bursting into refutal, btw!) While they still don't know the other's perspective, they could at least tell from the other's reaction that there was ... something ... there. Something that didn't quite click--in a good way. And I think that laid the groundwork for them connecting.
- They were each respecting the other person's boundaries. And I kind of adore that MASSIVELY. It made the scene so deliciously tense because they had to find their way towards each other despite that. I said to Cat I think Lee kind of panicked when Kara stood up because it harder for them to not hug (or do more than that) and I think he felt he shouldn't do any more of that--that the melodramatic reunion hug was inappropriate enough. He respects her marriage--and he respects Sam, and Sam's place as her main emotional support. It isn't until Kara indicates she wants that from him too that he shows her the true extent of his feelings. As for Kara, she tried her hardest to do the 'just friends' farewell. But I'm glad she didn't succeed. ;)
- Another parity between the two is that they were also trying to protect the other emotionally. We don't know what they've discussed before this, and I do think they must have said more than we saw, but it's still obvious that neither is monopolising the scene with their issues. Lee's not telling Kara how miserable he was when she died, how he fought with his father, how angry he was about the trial, how his marriage fell apart. And even more significantly Kara's not talking about her fears and the fact she's locked up, a suspected Cylon. We don't know if Lee knew what Adama was going to do, but Kara didn't know, and so she probably thought this was goodbye forever. Instead of focusing on the bleak realities of their lives, they give each other a bit of hope.
- Despite all that, I think they were both dropping hints that they wanted to connect more than just as friends. On rewatch, I was surprised by how quickly Kara said 'except me' in response to Lee. They jump from talking of Lee's new move into politics straight to their relationship: it must have been foremost in her mind for her response to be so quick. And she shows her emotions about that on her face. I'm better at knowing when Lee's signalling to Kara, and in his fidgeting and his eye contact and his second hand in the handshake, he was definitely saying 'you're everything to me'. I was fascinated that Cat thought the one Kara picked up on was the glance back Lee made before leaving. That glance-back reminded me of Lee's glance-back in the miniseries when they meet up after his non-death. And then my head got all spinny at the parallels. ;)
- Kara was at her most vulnerable in this scene: I don't think I've ever seen her show her heart and her fears so clearly on her face and in her body language. Lee's often the more emotionally demonstrative where their love is concerned, but here he was the far more contained of the two. Instead, where he was vulnerable was in regards to his own life--he shared his hopes and fears with her aloud--and for him that's HUGE.
Choosing to act
Lee pauses before he turns back to Kara, and I think all K/L shippers found that pause agonising. Cat gave me possibly the best bit of vid feedback I've ever received in saying that she felt 'Middleman' showed a Lee who was, essentially, eternally trapped in that 'pause'. I agree in that he's often torn between two conflicing loyalties or principles, or between his heart and his head. He's also internally torn between thinking and acting. I strongly feel that this was a case where he chose to act from his heart rather than stay stuck in the moment, or let his logic and intellect dictate everything. It works well to reflect where Lee is at in all aspects of his life, not just with Kara: he's moving forward with his life, following his instincts that he can't even fully explain.
I was thinking about whether the same is true for Kara. She's certainly come back forceful and determined. But Kara's always been an action hero. On the surface level facing down Roslin might seem like choosing to act for what she believes in, but instead we see her turn the gun on herself. I think the complement to Lee learning to seize his destiny and act on his instincts is Kara learning to surrender to hers. She's surrendered her life to finding Earth and is willing to do so again. When Helo comes for her she seems to genuinely believe she might be airlocked, and it's not easy for her in any way (she points out that it's 'harder') but she accepts the reality of what is (or might be) happening. She also accepts the change of fate that Adama offers.
When she's in the cell with Lee she's flooded with emotion when he turns to leave, and where she might once have let her pride push that down and not show him she needed him, she instead calls out. And then she accepts his kisses. It was very clear that it was Lee kissing Kara, and not the other way around. A receptive Kara Thrace and an acting Lee Adama are so beautiful!
brokenmnemonic described it as "seeing all the things from Lee that he's wanted to show Kara, but never been able to" and I think that's the best description I've seen. Other than dionusia's call that it was better than sex. ;) (Wow, I am super!sappy. Thank god the next episode is coming soon so that I'll stop being so INSUFFERABLY HAPPY about them.)
As for all the reactions about whether this is it for them, I still really cannot read this is a closure/ending scene for them in any way. It was goodbye in the literal sense that they were parting, but it definitely promised more. More so from Lee, perhaps, than Kara, since Kara wasn't thinking far ahead and what future she saw for herself was very bleak. But this was definitely Lee's 'here I am if you want me' statement to Kara. If they connect again in the future when Kara actually does have a future she can contemplate, it'll depend whether she wants to take him up on that. Meanwhile I'm just happy they have each other in their hearts and minds. I hope the show doesn't rip that away from me too quickly.
OK, ok, this is going to be hideously sappy. Don't say I didn't warn you! But I am currently in an idyllic place of OTP zen (term coined from dionusia). This is a very rare state of being and I intend to stay there as long as possible! Also, I was able to pick supacat's brains on what was going on with Kara in the last two eps. I always love her take on Kara. It isn't always the same as fandom's dominant take but it always gives me something new to think about and I feel like I get to see the other side of the picture through her eyes. Of course, that makes the conversation sound like a peaceful exchange of views. Actually it was more like this:
Cat: So I saw 4.2.
Bop: OMG! *stops breathing*
Cat: *makes some random comments about other parts of the ep while Bop tries to focus on driving* Oh, and the pilots scene was sooo good.
Bop: Yeah, it was fantastic!
Cat: Except that Lee's line about 'especially you' was totally WTF!
Bop: *trying to avoid swerving off course* OMG, no way! Kara's line was the WTF line!
Cat: What?! What do you MEAN?! The one time that Kara asked for something, the ONE TIME...
Bop (internally): I knew it. I knew there would be screaming.
*conversation descends into flailing and talking over one another as Bop caves and pulls over*
Out of our three-hour-long conversation we gleaned the following:
- Kara and Lee both unconsciously gave the other the reassurance that they needed. I explained that Lee desperately wanted Kara's approval about his change in career. That was perhaps less obvious than Kara's need to be believed. The unconscious part is what's interesting though. Even though he was seeking to reassure, I don't think Lee really knew just how desperately Kara needed to be told he believed in her. And Kara didn't know that her 'so say we all' and her wishing him all the best and her general pleased-ness to see him meant so much to him. Both of them were somewhat 'selfish' in that scene in that they wanted the other's approval/blessing and wanted to reconnect before parting. So it's touching that somehow they also found a way, somewhat blindly, to give the other back that same approval or blessing.
- Both Kara and Lee are more emotionally centred this season. That's the best way I can think to describe it. There's an inner stillness and certainty to each of them, regardless of what's going on on the outside. With Lee, you could see it in the scene where he turned down his father's invitation to return to the fleet. With Kara it's harder to see because she's so emotional on the surface, but she's more determined than ever before. I've almost wanted to say she's more 'confident', but what she's confident about is not herself, but the fact that she's found the way to Earth. That's bigger than her, and it's leant her this absolute driven certainty. She was always courageous and self-sacrificing, but now she's got something to fight for. (Oh. Wait. That was Anders. *groan*) Anyway, I find it really moving that both of them have found their way to a place of personal certainty. I think we saw Kara start to get there in Maelstrom, and I'm not sure that it's just the journey we didn't see that got her there--we did get to see her make peace with herself, and especially her fear of death, last season. And of course there is this sense that they each have a 'destiny' now. As Lee says, it doesn't matter that they don't understand all the whys and hows: they just believe. And while that has religious overtones I like that it's not being played massively that way by either of them. Neither is suggesting that they're connected to the deities or the prophecies; their certainty and faith is internal and personal. To describe it another way, they've 'found themselves'.
- 'Except me' and 'Especially you' were a bit 'wtf' to Lee and Kara themselves, respectively. And I think it was dionusia who said that in the beat following that moment there was the sense of hope that they might be closer to being on the same page than they thought. Kara believes Lee turned her down once and for all in TAB. Lee thinks Kara wasn't that serious anyway and that she went back to Sam happily. His 'especially you' echoes his 'whatever it takes' from Maelstrom; he'd do anything for Kara, if she asked (or if he just clued on to her signals as he does later in that scene). As Cat was at pains to point out, Kara's confused by his 'especially you' because the one time she really put herself on the line and asked for the biggest thing of all (him leaving Dee) he rejected her. (It's really hard for me to write that without bursting into refutal, btw!) While they still don't know the other's perspective, they could at least tell from the other's reaction that there was ... something ... there. Something that didn't quite click--in a good way. And I think that laid the groundwork for them connecting.
- They were each respecting the other person's boundaries. And I kind of adore that MASSIVELY. It made the scene so deliciously tense because they had to find their way towards each other despite that. I said to Cat I think Lee kind of panicked when Kara stood up because it harder for them to not hug (or do more than that) and I think he felt he shouldn't do any more of that--that the melodramatic reunion hug was inappropriate enough. He respects her marriage--and he respects Sam, and Sam's place as her main emotional support. It isn't until Kara indicates she wants that from him too that he shows her the true extent of his feelings. As for Kara, she tried her hardest to do the 'just friends' farewell. But I'm glad she didn't succeed. ;)
- Another parity between the two is that they were also trying to protect the other emotionally. We don't know what they've discussed before this, and I do think they must have said more than we saw, but it's still obvious that neither is monopolising the scene with their issues. Lee's not telling Kara how miserable he was when she died, how he fought with his father, how angry he was about the trial, how his marriage fell apart. And even more significantly Kara's not talking about her fears and the fact she's locked up, a suspected Cylon. We don't know if Lee knew what Adama was going to do, but Kara didn't know, and so she probably thought this was goodbye forever. Instead of focusing on the bleak realities of their lives, they give each other a bit of hope.
- Despite all that, I think they were both dropping hints that they wanted to connect more than just as friends. On rewatch, I was surprised by how quickly Kara said 'except me' in response to Lee. They jump from talking of Lee's new move into politics straight to their relationship: it must have been foremost in her mind for her response to be so quick. And she shows her emotions about that on her face. I'm better at knowing when Lee's signalling to Kara, and in his fidgeting and his eye contact and his second hand in the handshake, he was definitely saying 'you're everything to me'. I was fascinated that Cat thought the one Kara picked up on was the glance back Lee made before leaving. That glance-back reminded me of Lee's glance-back in the miniseries when they meet up after his non-death. And then my head got all spinny at the parallels. ;)
- Kara was at her most vulnerable in this scene: I don't think I've ever seen her show her heart and her fears so clearly on her face and in her body language. Lee's often the more emotionally demonstrative where their love is concerned, but here he was the far more contained of the two. Instead, where he was vulnerable was in regards to his own life--he shared his hopes and fears with her aloud--and for him that's HUGE.
Choosing to act
Lee pauses before he turns back to Kara, and I think all K/L shippers found that pause agonising. Cat gave me possibly the best bit of vid feedback I've ever received in saying that she felt 'Middleman' showed a Lee who was, essentially, eternally trapped in that 'pause'. I agree in that he's often torn between two conflicing loyalties or principles, or between his heart and his head. He's also internally torn between thinking and acting. I strongly feel that this was a case where he chose to act from his heart rather than stay stuck in the moment, or let his logic and intellect dictate everything. It works well to reflect where Lee is at in all aspects of his life, not just with Kara: he's moving forward with his life, following his instincts that he can't even fully explain.
I was thinking about whether the same is true for Kara. She's certainly come back forceful and determined. But Kara's always been an action hero. On the surface level facing down Roslin might seem like choosing to act for what she believes in, but instead we see her turn the gun on herself. I think the complement to Lee learning to seize his destiny and act on his instincts is Kara learning to surrender to hers. She's surrendered her life to finding Earth and is willing to do so again. When Helo comes for her she seems to genuinely believe she might be airlocked, and it's not easy for her in any way (she points out that it's 'harder') but she accepts the reality of what is (or might be) happening. She also accepts the change of fate that Adama offers.
When she's in the cell with Lee she's flooded with emotion when he turns to leave, and where she might once have let her pride push that down and not show him she needed him, she instead calls out. And then she accepts his kisses. It was very clear that it was Lee kissing Kara, and not the other way around. A receptive Kara Thrace and an acting Lee Adama are so beautiful!
brokenmnemonic described it as "seeing all the things from Lee that he's wanted to show Kara, but never been able to" and I think that's the best description I've seen. Other than dionusia's call that it was better than sex. ;) (Wow, I am super!sappy. Thank god the next episode is coming soon so that I'll stop being so INSUFFERABLY HAPPY about them.)
As for all the reactions about whether this is it for them, I still really cannot read this is a closure/ending scene for them in any way. It was goodbye in the literal sense that they were parting, but it definitely promised more. More so from Lee, perhaps, than Kara, since Kara wasn't thinking far ahead and what future she saw for herself was very bleak. But this was definitely Lee's 'here I am if you want me' statement to Kara. If they connect again in the future when Kara actually does have a future she can contemplate, it'll depend whether she wants to take him up on that. Meanwhile I'm just happy they have each other in their hearts and minds. I hope the show doesn't rip that away from me too quickly.