Don't Push Me Away Chapter 1/1
Paring: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Genre: Romance
Summary: Takes place after Hannah has left and Booth has given Bones an ultimatum ‘be partners or nothing.’ Now they are thinking about what they are to each other and what they want to be to each other.
This is Booth and Bones Story based on the writings of bonesfan74 in her “Dreams and Hopes of a Lionheart” series.
The parts in BOLD are Booth, the parts that are ITALICIZED are Brennan and the parts where neither are done represents both of them. Each verse of the song are above the paragraph they go with. A little confusing I know but I hope it makes sense as you read it.
I am so tired of being strong all the time
I want to be with you but I am all alone
My heart tries to call out your name loud
My body is aching for your gentle touch
He listened to the song playing on his radio as he readied for bed. The lyrics seemed to say it all to his aching heart. For five years he had been strong for her. All he had ever wanted was to be her one. He had to admit now that his time with Hannah had been a terrible mistake. One he needed to try and find a way to make up for. Now he knew what his heart had been trying to tell his mind all along, even with Hannah he had been all alone. His heart had been calling her name crying out for her touch.
Here is my heart and soul, they belong to you
please don't push me away from you any longer
I know I've been hurting you so many times
I'm torn into pieces.... I am so deep in love
The radio was softly playing in the background as she worked on the outline for her next book. Suddenly she was hearing the words and looking at what her fingers were typing. She stopped and stared. Yes she knew he was hurting and that she was in many ways responsible for a portion of that hurt but somehow she had to get him to see how much she regretted her choice and the hurt it had caused both of them. She could see now how after all their years she had hurt him so many times. Times she was conscious of like after they met with Sweets and she had turned him down telling him she couldn’t change. But there were times she was only now aware of, like the time she spent with Sully or the two boyfriends, that had caused him hurt too. The weight of all of her mistakes was tearing her to pieces.
In the darkness I call out you name
the echo of my heart surrounds me
I reach out for your body next to me
all I feel are tears running down my face
He thought of all the years he had called out her name only to hear it echo around the room in the darkness of the night. Of all the times he reached for her body in the early morning light and found only his cold lonely pillow. Of all the tears he let fall when he was alone and no one could see. He could easily see that future play out in front of his eyes if he let it. Was that what he wanted? Did he really want to be alone. No not just alone he thought, but alone without her in his life in any meaningful way. As no more than his partner?
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Here is my heart and my soul they belong to you
Don't push me away from you any longer
I know I've been hurting you so many times
I am torn into pieces .. I am in love so deep
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I ignored all the love you have offered me
childhood memories that hurt so bad
too scared to trust my own heart
that you would love me just for who I am
She became angered as she thought of how she had let all her childhood memories color her life and future with him. Yes they had been traumatizing and left her scared unable to trust. She had thought but that was an excuse. She had always believed in excellence not excuses in her professional life why had she not followed through in her personal one. What was so wrong with her that she had felt she could not trust her own heart. The heart he had taught her she possessed, the one he had shown her was not damaged. The heart that knew deep in it’s very metaphorical fibers he would love and accept her just as she was. Just as he had from the day they had met.
Here is my heart and soul they belong to you
please don't push me away from you any longer
I know I been hurting you so many times
I am torn into pieces... I am in love so deep
As the tears fell from his eyes the band around his soul and heart fell too. He could see all the times he had hurt her. Hannah had been the biggest one of all. He had always promised to be there for her and now he could see all the ways he had let her down. All the times he hadn’t been there, had broken his promise to her. Why, because of his pride, because HE had wanted to feel he could move on. That HE didn’t need her. That HE was done with all of her pushing him away for so many years. What he had done to her was now tearing him to pieces. He could see the endless pool of love he felt for her.
I always needed you , but couldn't let you in
didn't believe that I deserved to be love
but you showed to me what love is all about
how could I have been so blind for so long
She could see now that she had changed. That he had been the one to bring about that change. He had patiently shown her she was worth loving that she was not damaged goods. She remembered the time when he had held her as she repeated over and over who she was and it was his simple “I know who you are” that had stopped her suffering. She knew her greatest hurt to him had been telling him she could take a chance on them, she couldn’t change. Yet when she had asked for him to still be her partner he had done it for her, knowing how much she needed their partnership. As she thought about it now she knew that was his real statement of love for her. No “I love you’s” would ever match that one selfless example of love.
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Here is my heart and soul they belong to you
please don't push me away from you any longer
I know I been hurting you so many times
my heart is crying out for you..I am in love so deep
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I am so scared that I am too late
did I push you too far for too long ?
break your heart apart too many times?
can you forgive me just one more time ?
can't imagine my life without you
As she thinks about what he said tonight in the bar she wonders if she did push him too far. Can they come back to where they were that night he asked her to take a chance on them. Can she convince him that if he takes just one more chance on her she will say yes this time. That he has taught her enough. That she wants that 30, 40, 50 hell a lifetime with him. That he has changed her, she wants marriage, the 2.5 children, the white picket fence and the dog. That she has learned the truth in Browning’s words “come grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”
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Here is my heart and soul they belong to you
please don't push me away from you any longer
I know I've been hurting you so many times
my heart is crying out for you..I am in love so deep
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I long for your body laying next to mine
my heart is filled with pain and emptiness
without you nothing makes sense to me
I need you with me , want to lose myself in you
As his tears began to cool and his mind began think again he realized what he had said to her and just how untrue it was. That he needed her to be more than his partner. He needed her to empty his heart of the pain and fill the emptiness as only she could. He needed to see her cerulean blue eyes open to his every morning. He needed to be able to lose himself in her eyes, her mind and her body. He now knew that in loosing himself in her he would find himself again. His heart would beat again.
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Here is my heart and soul they belong to you
please don't push me away from you any longer
I know I've been hurting you so many times
my heart cries out for you....I am in love so deep
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He reached for his phone and punched 1
She reached for her phone picking it up to speed dial 1, just as she did it rang. “Brennan” she said.
“Hey it’s me” he said without preamble “I need to talk to you. I know it’s late but can I come over?”
“Sure Booth but you had much more to drink that I did so why don’t you stay there and I’ll come to you.”
“Because it’s 4am Bones and no self respecting man would let a lady, excuse me, a woman, go out at that time of morning. I’ll get a cab.”
“Booth it’s no problem and I can take care of myself remember. I really would prefer to come to you. I need to talk to you too. I’ll call a cab ok?”
“Will you stay on the phone with me the entire time you are on your way so I can be waiting for you outside when you get here?”
“That seems a little silly but yes I’ll even stay on the phone with you now.”
“Ok but you have to tell me what you are doing ok?”
“Yes Booth. I just called the cab company they will be here in 5 minutes. I am walking into my bedroom and changing my clothes.”
They talked while she changed and all the way to his apartment. He was as good as his word and when she arrived he was standing outside waiting for her and they went up to his apartment.
“Want some coffee, tea, water? I think we’ve both had enough to drink” he said.
“Water will be fine. So tell me what do you want to talk about at this late or early hour?”
Sitting next to her he began “I lied to you this evening…”
“Ok… about what?”
“About wanting you to just be my partner or getting you another one. Maybe I should also say I lied to myself. I need you in my life Bones. I need you as more than a partner.”
Before he could say another word the ending of the song came to her and she spoke them aloud to him…
You never gave up , always believed in me
all I ask for is to give our love a chance
just take my hand and I will show you
that my heart is yours forever to keep...
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He took her hand in his and leaned over to kiss her cheek. She turned her cheek to kiss his lips. The light ghosting of a his turned hot and passionate as they each continued to remember the song.
Three months later they were married and if anyone thought it was strange their first dance was to a song titled “Don’t Push Me Away” they didn’t mention it. It was Booth and Brennan after all and the partners had always walked their own path.
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I hope you liked this and the format I used was easy to follow. As I said this was inspired by “Don’t Push Me Away” lyrics by bonesfan74.
Nyre