Irresistible, part 5: The Evil Plot
Well, it's almost midnight, but still technically the weekend. Longest chapter yet, and hopefully only 1 or 2 more left in the story (but since the original plan involved a 3 part story, I've given up planning how long this thing will be).
One of the oddest things about Justice League was how much they allowed Blue Beetle and Booster Gold to get away with. The two were not subtle. They snickered and smirked and rubbed their hands together. They dropped broad hints and bad puns. They spent a lot of time in each other’s personal space. And all anyone had to do to figure out what they were planning was ask, and they’d gleefully boast about their latest scheme in full detail. The Justice League had telepaths, foreseers, detectives, and a truth lasso. And yet, Booster and Beetle were never stopped.
Perhaps this was because their teammates had the hero mentality of “wait for a crime, then act.” Or maybe they were too busy with real crimes to deal with the troublemakers before they caused trouble. Of course, there was an element of (foolish) trust and optimism that Booster and Beetle had learned their lessons after the last debacle, and this one would blow over painlessly.
None of them would ever even suggest they enjoyed the two men’s antics, that they looked forward to the bizarre, yet refreshingly non-evil, trouble they stirred up. Leaguers would vehemently deny that they found any humor in the endless pranks, scoff at the suggestion that watching yet another scheme backfire (or worse, succeed) was a form of stress relief, and recommend psychiatric help to anyone implying that the two men’s constant banter helped the team keep going when facing impossible odds.
Whatever the reason, the fact was that Beetle and Booster had no trouble mixing up more “Ivy Juice” (Booster named it. Beetle declared it a dumb name and banned Booster from ever naming anything ever again. Booster stuck his tongue out and declared that the Bug would from now on be called “Herbie.” Beetle did not tackle him or wrestle him into submission, mainly because he really wanted to). They also had no trouble “checking the sprinkler system, because we want to be ready next time Bea loses her temper,” although Booster’s hair did get a little singed.
And in spite of all the clues, no one suspected anything when the two were late for the monthly meeting. And when Booster poked his head in the room and looked around nervously, no one thought to be suspicious.
“Do any of you girls own a pair of expensive-looking black boots? Or maybe blue or brown? It’s a little difficult to tell what color they were.”
“What do you mean, ‘were’?” Sue demanded.
Booster smiled nervously. “It’s just there’s a pair of boots-look like ladies’ boots-in the game room. And they look a little chewed. Oh, and has anyone seen G’Nort?”
“I’ll kill him,” Fire snarled.
“They might not be yours,” Booster said. “I think Ice has a pair like them. Although it really is hard to tell. They’re very mangled.”
“It doesn’t matter whose they are,” Fire declared, standing and walking out. “He chews one woman’s boots, and all women beat him to death.” Sue and Ice nodded, and the women stormed from the room.
Booster smiled at the rest of the team. “I’ll just go and run interference. Feel free to start without me.” He shut the door, and no one heard the soft “click” as he locked it behind him.
~~~~~
Booster ran down the hallway, grinning and snickering. He skidded, turned, and ducked into the monitor room.
“Did you do it?”
“Waiting for you.” Beetle pressed a button. On screen, the two could see the sprinklers come on, dousing the men below.
“You’re taping this, right?”
“I prefer to think of it as ‘recording it for posterity’.”
~~~~~
“Can’t we ever have a meeting start on time?” Max asked.
“Let’s begin. We may accomplish more with fewer people.” J’onn said.
“Can’t accomplish much less,” Batman muttered. “Let’s get this over with.”
“What’s wrong, Bats?” Guy sneered. “Can’t leave your city alone for a whole hour without someone escaping the nuthouse?”
“Before this deteriorates into yet another argument,” J’onn interrupted, “perhaps we--” Before he could finish, the sprinklers came on, quickly soaking everyone in the room before running empty.
“Well, that was odd,” Ralph commented, nose twitching as he stretched his neck to peer at the sprinklers. Ducklings ran out from under the table to splash in the puddles, flapping their wings and preening.
Guy wiped his face, fuming. “Someone’s going to pay for that!”
Captain Atom sniffed the air. “I don’t think this is water. Is anyone else feeling funny?”
Ralph stared at him. “You’re so shiny. You should let your hair grow out.”
“What is this *!&@! stuff?” Guy demanded, wiping ineffectually at his jacket.
“I know this smell,” Batman muttered, standing up to stalk around the room, sniffing the air. “Can’t remember from where though. Can’t think straight.” He whirled, fist lashing out at empty air. “Flash!”
Wally stared at him from the other side of the room, hands clasped behind his back. “What? I didn’t do anything. Really. Not me.”
Max stood. “What is going on he-ERE!” His voice rose at the end, hands clasping his backside.
“Flash,” J’onn said, “what are you doing?”
“What makes you think it was me?”
J’onn frowned, his eyes glowing. “Your thoughts-all of your thoughts-are disordered and fuzzy.”
“Didn’t need you to tell us that,” Captain Atom said.
Ralph suddenly lunged over the table, body stretching, to kiss Guy on the lips. A second later he was back in his seat, looking horrified. Guy was sputtering in rage. Everyone else stared, except Max, who, apparently inspired by Ralph’s courage, grabbed Batman’s shoulders and kissed him very enthusiastically. Batman held very still, not returning the kiss, but also not punching Max in the kidneys, which, J’onn thought, was the strangest thing to happen yet.
“That does it,” Flash said, when Max had let go and stumbled backwards, eyes glazed. “We have to get out of here,” He tried the door. “Locked.”
“I’ll open it.” Captain Atom blasted the door off its hinges.
“Is something wrong?” Ice asked, peering around the doorway.
“Tora!” Guy ran over to her. She shoved him away and slapped him.
“Who is she?” She demanded. “I can smell her perfume all over you!”
“Ralph,” Sue cried, “how could you?”
“How could I what? What did I do? You couldn’t have possibly seen anything!”
“Poison Ivy,” Batman said. “This is her doing. Everyone get out of the room. We need to get this stuff off of us before we do something we’ll regret.” He touched his lips, mouth twisting. “Something else we’ll regret,” he amended.
The men stumbled out of the room, and a few seconds later a damp and clear-eyed Flash zoomed back into the hallway. “I feel better. Except…whoa.” He staggered by the open doorway. “That stuff is strong!”
Guy used his ring to replace the door and fix the damage well enough that the door would stay in place, locking in most of the subtle scent. “Someone want to explain how Poison Ivy got in here and filled the sprinklers with that junk without any of us catching her? I thought we had a security system!”
“We do not know it was her doing, only that the chemical has the same effect as her presence.” J’onn answered.
“And that it doesn’t work on Martians or ducks,” Ralph added. “Which is so unfair.”
“Booster and Beetle were playing with the sprinklers a few days ago,” Fire said.
“And you called them hussies last week,” Ice said. “Maybe because they smelled like this stuff?”
“That does it!” Guy shouted. “Team Blue and Gold is about to become black and blue!” He took off down the hallway.
“Perhaps everyone else would like to wash off before we decide on a suitable punishment?”
Down the other end of the hallway, Booster and Ted peeked around the edge of the door. Seeing that everyone was headed to the showers, they made a break for it, snickering and heading for the hanger.
“Can we sell this tape to the news?” Booster asked, clutching the video cassette. “Or should we just use it for blackmail?”
“I was going to take pictures from it to put on my Christmas cards,” Ted answered as he powered up the Bug. “Should we hide out at my place or yours?”
“Yours. My TV’s busted, and I want to watch this little beauty again.” He grinned as the Bug took off. “Love Bug away!”
“Say that again and I’m hogtying you and leaving you to the tender mercies of the rest of the League.”
Booster just snickered, leaning back in his chair and imagining blackmailing Batman into giving him the keys to the Batmobile.
If anyone was wondering where this falls in the canon timeline--it doesn't. I'm not too familiar with the old JLI storylines, so I'm using the people I feel most comfortable writing or work best with the story, whether or not they actually all on the team at the same time. Canon's more of a guideline, really :)
One of the oddest things about Justice League was how much they allowed Blue Beetle and Booster Gold to get away with. The two were not subtle. They snickered and smirked and rubbed their hands together. They dropped broad hints and bad puns. They spent a lot of time in each other’s personal space. And all anyone had to do to figure out what they were planning was ask, and they’d gleefully boast about their latest scheme in full detail. The Justice League had telepaths, foreseers, detectives, and a truth lasso. And yet, Booster and Beetle were never stopped.
Perhaps this was because their teammates had the hero mentality of “wait for a crime, then act.” Or maybe they were too busy with real crimes to deal with the troublemakers before they caused trouble. Of course, there was an element of (foolish) trust and optimism that Booster and Beetle had learned their lessons after the last debacle, and this one would blow over painlessly.
None of them would ever even suggest they enjoyed the two men’s antics, that they looked forward to the bizarre, yet refreshingly non-evil, trouble they stirred up. Leaguers would vehemently deny that they found any humor in the endless pranks, scoff at the suggestion that watching yet another scheme backfire (or worse, succeed) was a form of stress relief, and recommend psychiatric help to anyone implying that the two men’s constant banter helped the team keep going when facing impossible odds.
Whatever the reason, the fact was that Beetle and Booster had no trouble mixing up more “Ivy Juice” (Booster named it. Beetle declared it a dumb name and banned Booster from ever naming anything ever again. Booster stuck his tongue out and declared that the Bug would from now on be called “Herbie.” Beetle did not tackle him or wrestle him into submission, mainly because he really wanted to). They also had no trouble “checking the sprinkler system, because we want to be ready next time Bea loses her temper,” although Booster’s hair did get a little singed.
And in spite of all the clues, no one suspected anything when the two were late for the monthly meeting. And when Booster poked his head in the room and looked around nervously, no one thought to be suspicious.
“Do any of you girls own a pair of expensive-looking black boots? Or maybe blue or brown? It’s a little difficult to tell what color they were.”
“What do you mean, ‘were’?” Sue demanded.
Booster smiled nervously. “It’s just there’s a pair of boots-look like ladies’ boots-in the game room. And they look a little chewed. Oh, and has anyone seen G’Nort?”
“I’ll kill him,” Fire snarled.
“They might not be yours,” Booster said. “I think Ice has a pair like them. Although it really is hard to tell. They’re very mangled.”
“It doesn’t matter whose they are,” Fire declared, standing and walking out. “He chews one woman’s boots, and all women beat him to death.” Sue and Ice nodded, and the women stormed from the room.
Booster smiled at the rest of the team. “I’ll just go and run interference. Feel free to start without me.” He shut the door, and no one heard the soft “click” as he locked it behind him.
~~~~~
Booster ran down the hallway, grinning and snickering. He skidded, turned, and ducked into the monitor room.
“Did you do it?”
“Waiting for you.” Beetle pressed a button. On screen, the two could see the sprinklers come on, dousing the men below.
“You’re taping this, right?”
“I prefer to think of it as ‘recording it for posterity’.”
~~~~~
“Can’t we ever have a meeting start on time?” Max asked.
“Let’s begin. We may accomplish more with fewer people.” J’onn said.
“Can’t accomplish much less,” Batman muttered. “Let’s get this over with.”
“What’s wrong, Bats?” Guy sneered. “Can’t leave your city alone for a whole hour without someone escaping the nuthouse?”
“Before this deteriorates into yet another argument,” J’onn interrupted, “perhaps we--” Before he could finish, the sprinklers came on, quickly soaking everyone in the room before running empty.
“Well, that was odd,” Ralph commented, nose twitching as he stretched his neck to peer at the sprinklers. Ducklings ran out from under the table to splash in the puddles, flapping their wings and preening.
Guy wiped his face, fuming. “Someone’s going to pay for that!”
Captain Atom sniffed the air. “I don’t think this is water. Is anyone else feeling funny?”
Ralph stared at him. “You’re so shiny. You should let your hair grow out.”
“What is this *!&@! stuff?” Guy demanded, wiping ineffectually at his jacket.
“I know this smell,” Batman muttered, standing up to stalk around the room, sniffing the air. “Can’t remember from where though. Can’t think straight.” He whirled, fist lashing out at empty air. “Flash!”
Wally stared at him from the other side of the room, hands clasped behind his back. “What? I didn’t do anything. Really. Not me.”
Max stood. “What is going on he-ERE!” His voice rose at the end, hands clasping his backside.
“Flash,” J’onn said, “what are you doing?”
“What makes you think it was me?”
J’onn frowned, his eyes glowing. “Your thoughts-all of your thoughts-are disordered and fuzzy.”
“Didn’t need you to tell us that,” Captain Atom said.
Ralph suddenly lunged over the table, body stretching, to kiss Guy on the lips. A second later he was back in his seat, looking horrified. Guy was sputtering in rage. Everyone else stared, except Max, who, apparently inspired by Ralph’s courage, grabbed Batman’s shoulders and kissed him very enthusiastically. Batman held very still, not returning the kiss, but also not punching Max in the kidneys, which, J’onn thought, was the strangest thing to happen yet.
“That does it,” Flash said, when Max had let go and stumbled backwards, eyes glazed. “We have to get out of here,” He tried the door. “Locked.”
“I’ll open it.” Captain Atom blasted the door off its hinges.
“Is something wrong?” Ice asked, peering around the doorway.
“Tora!” Guy ran over to her. She shoved him away and slapped him.
“Who is she?” She demanded. “I can smell her perfume all over you!”
“Ralph,” Sue cried, “how could you?”
“How could I what? What did I do? You couldn’t have possibly seen anything!”
“Poison Ivy,” Batman said. “This is her doing. Everyone get out of the room. We need to get this stuff off of us before we do something we’ll regret.” He touched his lips, mouth twisting. “Something else we’ll regret,” he amended.
The men stumbled out of the room, and a few seconds later a damp and clear-eyed Flash zoomed back into the hallway. “I feel better. Except…whoa.” He staggered by the open doorway. “That stuff is strong!”
Guy used his ring to replace the door and fix the damage well enough that the door would stay in place, locking in most of the subtle scent. “Someone want to explain how Poison Ivy got in here and filled the sprinklers with that junk without any of us catching her? I thought we had a security system!”
“We do not know it was her doing, only that the chemical has the same effect as her presence.” J’onn answered.
“And that it doesn’t work on Martians or ducks,” Ralph added. “Which is so unfair.”
“Booster and Beetle were playing with the sprinklers a few days ago,” Fire said.
“And you called them hussies last week,” Ice said. “Maybe because they smelled like this stuff?”
“That does it!” Guy shouted. “Team Blue and Gold is about to become black and blue!” He took off down the hallway.
“Perhaps everyone else would like to wash off before we decide on a suitable punishment?”
Down the other end of the hallway, Booster and Ted peeked around the edge of the door. Seeing that everyone was headed to the showers, they made a break for it, snickering and heading for the hanger.
“Can we sell this tape to the news?” Booster asked, clutching the video cassette. “Or should we just use it for blackmail?”
“I was going to take pictures from it to put on my Christmas cards,” Ted answered as he powered up the Bug. “Should we hide out at my place or yours?”
“Yours. My TV’s busted, and I want to watch this little beauty again.” He grinned as the Bug took off. “Love Bug away!”
“Say that again and I’m hogtying you and leaving you to the tender mercies of the rest of the League.”
Booster just snickered, leaning back in his chair and imagining blackmailing Batman into giving him the keys to the Batmobile.
If anyone was wondering where this falls in the canon timeline--it doesn't. I'm not too familiar with the old JLI storylines, so I'm using the people I feel most comfortable writing or work best with the story, whether or not they actually all on the team at the same time. Canon's more of a guideline, really :)