Things to Do When the Universe Ends, parts 5 and 6
Title: Things to Do When the Universe Ends, parts 5 and 6
Rating: 15
Setting: Post-season 4 for Ten, way after Chosen for Dawn.
Characters: The Tenth Doctor, Dawn and a couple of OC’s later.
Word count: 535 and 549
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. They’re not Morag’s either.
Summary: The Doctor's had odd companions before. Still, it's not every day you pick up an anthromorphic embodiment of a principle sitting around at the end of the Universe, is it? Now, if only he could get over the feeling that SHE picked HIM up.
Author's Notes: Written by myself and MoragMacPherson cliffhanger style, desperately trying to stump each other. She does the first part in each post, I do the second.
Part 5 - The Good, the Bad, and the Genuinely Puzzled
"You’ve decided to play John Wayne?!”
Dawn snorted at her new companion. “Please. I’m going to go for the whole Clint Eastwood, mysterious stranger-thing. I don’t think you could pull off John Wayne either. Maybe Gary Cooper in ‘High Noon’? The thin man, you know."
The Doctor shook his head. “The thin man is Nick Charles, and I could deal fine with Nick and Nora, if they really existed. I’ve always done well with the dinner party set, well, even if most of the ones that I attend wind up resembling a game of Cluedo.” The TARDIS sat in the midst of a wide plain, with a town just visible in the distance. “But the Wild West? That’s a whole other thing-that-I’m-not-very-good-at.”
“I was just looking to get back to California. I wasn’t very clear about the dates,” Dawn admitted. “Well, I had it in the right neighborhood. What’s a hundred years here or there when you’ve got all of eternity behind you? When you think of it that way, I did a damn fine job.”
She started heading off towards the town, but the Doctor grabbed her arm. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“I’m going to go check out the saloon, see if there’s a show in town. Like the Madeleine Kahn from 'Blazing Saddles'.”
The Doctor pulled her back. “Fine, but let’s find a hat for you first.” Dawn quit resisting and followed him back to the wardrobe. “So you like movies, I guess.”
“Xander and I used to watch Westerns together,” she said. She spied a leather vest and pulled it on over her Dingoes shirt. “Oooh, boots.”
The Doctor leaned back, not wanting to get between the elemental forces of a physical constant and a woman faced with wardrobe choices. “Who was Xander?”
“A good guy. One of the good guys. A white hat, like this one.”
Dawn plunked a ten-gallon hat on his head before setting a smaller, black one, on her own head. Eyeing a set of boots, she kicked off her sneakers and pulled the sturdier footwear on.
The Doctor removed the hat. “I don’t wear costumes.”
Dawn clucked her tongue. “Well, then don’t complain when you come out of this with sunstroke.”
Finally the pair of them headed towards the town. The townspeople paid them little mind in the bustling street. Dawn headed straight to the saloon. Unfortunately the piano player wasn’t going to be in for another few hours, so Dawn elected to have a beer instead. The Doctor cocked an eyebrow at this. “You don’t look of age.”
“Well, gee, Mister Doctor, I’ll just ask you one question: how much older is the universe than you?”
The Doctor’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Okay, fine. But just beer. No whiskey.”
“Says the man who reeks of saki.”
“It’s not saki, it’s rice wine.”
“And water buffalo.”
The Doctor was just about to volley the next retort when the saloon doors swung open. “Oh my,” he murmured.
Part 6 - Should Have Turned Right At Pluto
It was a lizard. A seven foot tall lizard wearing a black cowboy hat and a gunbelt around its waist. Nobody else in the saloon batted an eyelash.
Dawn looked at the Doctor. The Doctor looked at Dawn. “I thought you checked the console to make sure we were on Earth,” he said quietly.
Dawn’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, you are not sticking the blame for this on me,” she muttered. “Just cos this is obviously not where I wanted to be doesn’t absolve you of doing all the little stuff like I don’t know - making sure we’re on the right planet for one!”
“Mine? Doing all the little stuff?!?”
“Duh! Your machine - which doesn’t even have seatbelts fitted if I might remind you- your responsibility to your customers--“
“Customers? Customers!?!”
The lizard had by this point reached the bar, stopping along the way to chat briefly to the scantily clad woman sat dispiritedly around one table, fanning themselves in the heat. He grinned at the bartender, exposing a mouthful of rather sharp looking teeth. The Doctor and Dawn’s argument was steadily rising in volume and intensity, attracting an interested look from the lizard.
“And another thing - where’s the toilet in there? You showed me the wardrobe, which I will grant you is fantastic, but the rest of the facilities were sadly lacking on the tour.”
The Doctor gaped, then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You’re not trying to distract me from your mistake by going off on something completely unrelated, are you? I’ve had teenage girls in the TARDIS before, I know how their brains function…”
“Ha!” Dawn laughed scornfully, and leant across their table towards him. “And if you knew just how bad that sounds, you wouldn’t even try that one on me. Perv. Been slapped by many outraged mothers of these teenagers, then?”
“…..a couple.”
The conversation abruptly stopped as a black cowboy hat was flung across the surface of the table in front of both of them. Dawn and the Doctor both looked up. Yup, that was definitely the seven foot tall lizard there, looking down on them.
He grinned, exposing all those teeth again. “Mind if I thit down with you for a moment, folks?” he said, and sat down anyway, not waiting for an answer.
The Doctor and Dawn shared a look, a mixture of this-is-not-over-yet and a more practical get-ready-to-run-if-needed one. “Can we be of any help?” the Doctor asked.
The lizard nodded back over his shoulder towards the bar. “Bob thaid you were looking for me.”
Dawn’s jaw dropped. “You mean...”
“Yesh. That’s right,” said the seven foot tall lizard, “I’m the piano player. Now, wath there any tuneth in particular you were hoping for? And I’ll warn you now, Dithco is right out of the quethtion.”
“Um… for once, I’m actually stumped. Doctor?”
The Doctor started to shrug, only for the lizard to suddenly loom forward between them. His teeth were even more exposed than before, and he seemed on edge a lot more than a moment before. And a lot more dangerous.
“Doctor?” he said carefully, “You’re the Doctor?”
Rating: 15
Setting: Post-season 4 for Ten, way after Chosen for Dawn.
Characters: The Tenth Doctor, Dawn and a couple of OC’s later.
Word count: 535 and 549
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. They’re not Morag’s either.
Summary: The Doctor's had odd companions before. Still, it's not every day you pick up an anthromorphic embodiment of a principle sitting around at the end of the Universe, is it? Now, if only he could get over the feeling that SHE picked HIM up.
Author's Notes: Written by myself and MoragMacPherson cliffhanger style, desperately trying to stump each other. She does the first part in each post, I do the second.
Part 5 - The Good, the Bad, and the Genuinely Puzzled
"You’ve decided to play John Wayne?!”
Dawn snorted at her new companion. “Please. I’m going to go for the whole Clint Eastwood, mysterious stranger-thing. I don’t think you could pull off John Wayne either. Maybe Gary Cooper in ‘High Noon’? The thin man, you know."
The Doctor shook his head. “The thin man is Nick Charles, and I could deal fine with Nick and Nora, if they really existed. I’ve always done well with the dinner party set, well, even if most of the ones that I attend wind up resembling a game of Cluedo.” The TARDIS sat in the midst of a wide plain, with a town just visible in the distance. “But the Wild West? That’s a whole other thing-that-I’m-not-very-good-at.”
“I was just looking to get back to California. I wasn’t very clear about the dates,” Dawn admitted. “Well, I had it in the right neighborhood. What’s a hundred years here or there when you’ve got all of eternity behind you? When you think of it that way, I did a damn fine job.”
She started heading off towards the town, but the Doctor grabbed her arm. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“I’m going to go check out the saloon, see if there’s a show in town. Like the Madeleine Kahn from 'Blazing Saddles'.”
The Doctor pulled her back. “Fine, but let’s find a hat for you first.” Dawn quit resisting and followed him back to the wardrobe. “So you like movies, I guess.”
“Xander and I used to watch Westerns together,” she said. She spied a leather vest and pulled it on over her Dingoes shirt. “Oooh, boots.”
The Doctor leaned back, not wanting to get between the elemental forces of a physical constant and a woman faced with wardrobe choices. “Who was Xander?”
“A good guy. One of the good guys. A white hat, like this one.”
Dawn plunked a ten-gallon hat on his head before setting a smaller, black one, on her own head. Eyeing a set of boots, she kicked off her sneakers and pulled the sturdier footwear on.
The Doctor removed the hat. “I don’t wear costumes.”
Dawn clucked her tongue. “Well, then don’t complain when you come out of this with sunstroke.”
Finally the pair of them headed towards the town. The townspeople paid them little mind in the bustling street. Dawn headed straight to the saloon. Unfortunately the piano player wasn’t going to be in for another few hours, so Dawn elected to have a beer instead. The Doctor cocked an eyebrow at this. “You don’t look of age.”
“Well, gee, Mister Doctor, I’ll just ask you one question: how much older is the universe than you?”
The Doctor’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Okay, fine. But just beer. No whiskey.”
“Says the man who reeks of saki.”
“It’s not saki, it’s rice wine.”
“And water buffalo.”
The Doctor was just about to volley the next retort when the saloon doors swung open. “Oh my,” he murmured.
Part 6 - Should Have Turned Right At Pluto
It was a lizard. A seven foot tall lizard wearing a black cowboy hat and a gunbelt around its waist. Nobody else in the saloon batted an eyelash.
Dawn looked at the Doctor. The Doctor looked at Dawn. “I thought you checked the console to make sure we were on Earth,” he said quietly.
Dawn’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, you are not sticking the blame for this on me,” she muttered. “Just cos this is obviously not where I wanted to be doesn’t absolve you of doing all the little stuff like I don’t know - making sure we’re on the right planet for one!”
“Mine? Doing all the little stuff?!?”
“Duh! Your machine - which doesn’t even have seatbelts fitted if I might remind you- your responsibility to your customers--“
“Customers? Customers!?!”
The lizard had by this point reached the bar, stopping along the way to chat briefly to the scantily clad woman sat dispiritedly around one table, fanning themselves in the heat. He grinned at the bartender, exposing a mouthful of rather sharp looking teeth. The Doctor and Dawn’s argument was steadily rising in volume and intensity, attracting an interested look from the lizard.
“And another thing - where’s the toilet in there? You showed me the wardrobe, which I will grant you is fantastic, but the rest of the facilities were sadly lacking on the tour.”
The Doctor gaped, then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You’re not trying to distract me from your mistake by going off on something completely unrelated, are you? I’ve had teenage girls in the TARDIS before, I know how their brains function…”
“Ha!” Dawn laughed scornfully, and leant across their table towards him. “And if you knew just how bad that sounds, you wouldn’t even try that one on me. Perv. Been slapped by many outraged mothers of these teenagers, then?”
“…..a couple.”
The conversation abruptly stopped as a black cowboy hat was flung across the surface of the table in front of both of them. Dawn and the Doctor both looked up. Yup, that was definitely the seven foot tall lizard there, looking down on them.
He grinned, exposing all those teeth again. “Mind if I thit down with you for a moment, folks?” he said, and sat down anyway, not waiting for an answer.
The Doctor and Dawn shared a look, a mixture of this-is-not-over-yet and a more practical get-ready-to-run-if-needed one. “Can we be of any help?” the Doctor asked.
The lizard nodded back over his shoulder towards the bar. “Bob thaid you were looking for me.”
Dawn’s jaw dropped. “You mean...”
“Yesh. That’s right,” said the seven foot tall lizard, “I’m the piano player. Now, wath there any tuneth in particular you were hoping for? And I’ll warn you now, Dithco is right out of the quethtion.”
“Um… for once, I’m actually stumped. Doctor?”
The Doctor started to shrug, only for the lizard to suddenly loom forward between them. His teeth were even more exposed than before, and he seemed on edge a lot more than a moment before. And a lot more dangerous.
“Doctor?” he said carefully, “You’re the Doctor?”