Howard Moon's Guide to Being Classy (2/?)
Title: Howard Moon's Guide to Being Classy
Author: savanna_says_hi
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG
Warning: I use swear words. Sometimes quite often and without noticing it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh and I'm not making any profit from this.
A/N: Apparently, I have to slow down when I post things. Sorry, mods. XD Hope the tags are right; I have to type them in myself.
“You know, there’re hardly any animals in this zoo,” Vince says. “Why is that?”
“Fossil eats them,” Howard says, and Vince laughs.
“Of course.”
Howard has officially known Vince for three days, and he’s pretty damn sure Vince is his soulmate. Some people-okay, the vast majority of people-would say that it’s much too soon to be sure of that. Howard, if asked, would vehemently disagree, and his conclusion is mostly based upon the fact that Vince is perfect in every single way possible, and is also the most beautiful human he has ever seen-not the most beautiful anything ever, because Jack Cooper would be offended by that. But Howard puts the vicious negativity behind him and focuses on the present.
If only Howard wasn’t so nervous all the time. Vince has a habit of looking especially alluring when Howard least expects it-like when asking which muck fork to use to clean up dung. It throws Howard’s attempted suave-ness off, so instead of saying, “The red one,” he ends up with, “The what now? Oh, yeah, that. Umm,” which is not suave in the least and also not at all helpful.
Today, though, he has a chance. Bob Fossil has begun to think of them as the same person, so whenever he assigns a task to one of them, he assumes they’ll both do it. This suits Howard’s purposes well, because it means that he and Vince are together all day. Every day. For the rest of their lives. And beyond. Today, their job is to help set up a newly finished building, created for the zookeepers to live in (built mainly because of complaints that all sounded almost identical to ‘The ride here is so fucking long! I’m gonna quit if this keeps up!’) No one knows where the money came from, but rumors circulated among the staff that it had something to do with Dixon Bainbridge’s mustache.
Regardless, the building had been finished the previous day, and furniture had been delivered in the morning.
The building had been designed to house all the employees, but only if they lived in pairs in the small, connected houses. Fossil had chosen the pairs, which meant “Moon and Noir are essentially the same person. That’ll work,” which was something Howard was ridiculously happy about, and Vince, judging by his expression when he heard the news, was perfectly okay with.
“This is great,” Vince says, as he surveys the furniture lying haphazardly in a pile around them, “We can pick the best stuff for our room. Like, that chair over there with the clawmarks on it, let’s save that for someone else.”
Howard laughs, and Vince smiles. This has been a trend between them recently: one of them will laugh and the other will smile. Howard would like to think it’s a sign.
“Right then, that chair looks okay, though, yeah? And that table is pretty nice, too…”
-
It’s been nearly six hours, and the furniture has all been moved in except for a truly hideous rug in a puke-green color that Vince suspects got that way from actually being puked on. Howard is inclined to agree, so they drop it off in Fossil’s office while he’s visiting the little boys’ room.
Vince and Howard stand shoulder-to-shoulder in their room, surveying their work. “This is good,” Vince says. “A bit boring, maybe, with all the brown, but when I bring my stuff from home, that’ll change.”
Howard thinks that this may be their first disagreement-as he is in fact quite fond of all the brown in the room-but he lets the comment slide and says, “It’s nice. And we have the best chair.”
“It’d be better if it weren’t brown,” Vince says.
Howard is beginning to become troubled. Is this going to be a major issue? What does Vince have against brown? The chair in question is the perfectly lovely shade of Raging Muffin; what could possibly be wrong with that?
Then Vince takes his hand and laces their fingers together.
Howard’s brain says, “Mmmgghhlll,” which is, coincidentally, very similar to the sound that comes out of his mouth.
Vince looks down at their hands, then into Howard’s eyes. “Roommates,” he says. “This is gonna be fun.”
If Howard could speak properly, he would agree. Instead, his mind starts thinking of the connotations of the word ‘fun,’ and he nods, and then opens his mouth in an attempt to say something that isn’t gibberish, just so Vince knows how very okay he is with this.
Unfortunately, Bob Fossil chooses this moment to check on their progress. He comes in behind them, and Vince and Howard turn simultaneously at the sound of footsteps. When they see who it is, they practically leap to opposite sides of the small room. Damn. It’s not like Fossil cares. He wouldn’t notice a workplace romance if he was involved in it. Hah. Fossil in a relationship. That’s rich.
While Howard has been temporarily sidetracked by his thoughts, Fossil has been speaking. “-about time,” he says. “Also, someone dropped off a rug in my office. It’s mine now. I named her Shirley. She’s got character. Anyway, bye!” and with that, he leaves.
“…Well,” Vince says after a moment. “I suppose we have to go home tonight. Go collect our stuff and that.”
“Right,” Howard says. “See you tomorrow, little man.”
Vince cocks his head at him. “What?”
Howard is confused. “What did I say? I said, “See you tomorrow, Vince.’”
Vince begins to smile. “You did not.”
“Well, what else would I have-” Oh.
Vince is grinning. “You gave me a nickname.”
“I didn’t mean to!” Howard cries. He feels like he should be flailing his arms. Should he flail? That’s always a good option. Maybe it would send the blood out of his face and into his arms.
“No, it’s okay,” Vince says, grin still in place. “I like it.”
“Oh. Well,” Howard says. “Okay,” he adds, when Vince doesn’t say anything.
Vince laughs, open-mouthed and pretty. “I’ll see you, then,” he says.
“Right. Bye,” Howard says. And Vince walks out of the little house, his grin seemingly stuck to his face.
Howard puts his hand over his heart. It’s racing like he just ran a marathon. If this keeps up, I’m going to die before we even have our first date. Which will happen. Hopefully.
Author: savanna_says_hi
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG
Warning: I use swear words. Sometimes quite often and without noticing it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh and I'm not making any profit from this.
A/N: Apparently, I have to slow down when I post things. Sorry, mods. XD Hope the tags are right; I have to type them in myself.
“You know, there’re hardly any animals in this zoo,” Vince says. “Why is that?”
“Fossil eats them,” Howard says, and Vince laughs.
“Of course.”
Howard has officially known Vince for three days, and he’s pretty damn sure Vince is his soulmate. Some people-okay, the vast majority of people-would say that it’s much too soon to be sure of that. Howard, if asked, would vehemently disagree, and his conclusion is mostly based upon the fact that Vince is perfect in every single way possible, and is also the most beautiful human he has ever seen-not the most beautiful anything ever, because Jack Cooper would be offended by that. But Howard puts the vicious negativity behind him and focuses on the present.
If only Howard wasn’t so nervous all the time. Vince has a habit of looking especially alluring when Howard least expects it-like when asking which muck fork to use to clean up dung. It throws Howard’s attempted suave-ness off, so instead of saying, “The red one,” he ends up with, “The what now? Oh, yeah, that. Umm,” which is not suave in the least and also not at all helpful.
Today, though, he has a chance. Bob Fossil has begun to think of them as the same person, so whenever he assigns a task to one of them, he assumes they’ll both do it. This suits Howard’s purposes well, because it means that he and Vince are together all day. Every day. For the rest of their lives. And beyond. Today, their job is to help set up a newly finished building, created for the zookeepers to live in (built mainly because of complaints that all sounded almost identical to ‘The ride here is so fucking long! I’m gonna quit if this keeps up!’) No one knows where the money came from, but rumors circulated among the staff that it had something to do with Dixon Bainbridge’s mustache.
Regardless, the building had been finished the previous day, and furniture had been delivered in the morning.
The building had been designed to house all the employees, but only if they lived in pairs in the small, connected houses. Fossil had chosen the pairs, which meant “Moon and Noir are essentially the same person. That’ll work,” which was something Howard was ridiculously happy about, and Vince, judging by his expression when he heard the news, was perfectly okay with.
“This is great,” Vince says, as he surveys the furniture lying haphazardly in a pile around them, “We can pick the best stuff for our room. Like, that chair over there with the clawmarks on it, let’s save that for someone else.”
Howard laughs, and Vince smiles. This has been a trend between them recently: one of them will laugh and the other will smile. Howard would like to think it’s a sign.
“Right then, that chair looks okay, though, yeah? And that table is pretty nice, too…”
-
It’s been nearly six hours, and the furniture has all been moved in except for a truly hideous rug in a puke-green color that Vince suspects got that way from actually being puked on. Howard is inclined to agree, so they drop it off in Fossil’s office while he’s visiting the little boys’ room.
Vince and Howard stand shoulder-to-shoulder in their room, surveying their work. “This is good,” Vince says. “A bit boring, maybe, with all the brown, but when I bring my stuff from home, that’ll change.”
Howard thinks that this may be their first disagreement-as he is in fact quite fond of all the brown in the room-but he lets the comment slide and says, “It’s nice. And we have the best chair.”
“It’d be better if it weren’t brown,” Vince says.
Howard is beginning to become troubled. Is this going to be a major issue? What does Vince have against brown? The chair in question is the perfectly lovely shade of Raging Muffin; what could possibly be wrong with that?
Then Vince takes his hand and laces their fingers together.
Howard’s brain says, “Mmmgghhlll,” which is, coincidentally, very similar to the sound that comes out of his mouth.
Vince looks down at their hands, then into Howard’s eyes. “Roommates,” he says. “This is gonna be fun.”
If Howard could speak properly, he would agree. Instead, his mind starts thinking of the connotations of the word ‘fun,’ and he nods, and then opens his mouth in an attempt to say something that isn’t gibberish, just so Vince knows how very okay he is with this.
Unfortunately, Bob Fossil chooses this moment to check on their progress. He comes in behind them, and Vince and Howard turn simultaneously at the sound of footsteps. When they see who it is, they practically leap to opposite sides of the small room. Damn. It’s not like Fossil cares. He wouldn’t notice a workplace romance if he was involved in it. Hah. Fossil in a relationship. That’s rich.
While Howard has been temporarily sidetracked by his thoughts, Fossil has been speaking. “-about time,” he says. “Also, someone dropped off a rug in my office. It’s mine now. I named her Shirley. She’s got character. Anyway, bye!” and with that, he leaves.
“…Well,” Vince says after a moment. “I suppose we have to go home tonight. Go collect our stuff and that.”
“Right,” Howard says. “See you tomorrow, little man.”
Vince cocks his head at him. “What?”
Howard is confused. “What did I say? I said, “See you tomorrow, Vince.’”
Vince begins to smile. “You did not.”
“Well, what else would I have-” Oh.
Vince is grinning. “You gave me a nickname.”
“I didn’t mean to!” Howard cries. He feels like he should be flailing his arms. Should he flail? That’s always a good option. Maybe it would send the blood out of his face and into his arms.
“No, it’s okay,” Vince says, grin still in place. “I like it.”
“Oh. Well,” Howard says. “Okay,” he adds, when Vince doesn’t say anything.
Vince laughs, open-mouthed and pretty. “I’ll see you, then,” he says.
“Right. Bye,” Howard says. And Vince walks out of the little house, his grin seemingly stuck to his face.
Howard puts his hand over his heart. It’s racing like he just ran a marathon. If this keeps up, I’m going to die before we even have our first date. Which will happen. Hopefully.