Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Again and again.

[bookgirlwa]

Couple carry out campaign of sadistic abuse

Just something else to echo in my brain when I have to listen to some dipshit tell me that "No one would ever hurt a child with a disability", or, "But their (your) parents must love them (you)".  Denial like that enables horrors like this to happen.  It's ironic, or just fucking infuriating, when you

Comments

[wolfette]

I thought of you when I saw that story on the BBC last night.

[bookgirlwa]

I wish I wasn't someone people thought of when they saw something like this. :-(

(Just a thought, not a jab at you in any way, for saying that.)

[wolfette]

I wish you weren't either

[technogoddesss]

Warning: do not read immediately after eating. I feel kind of queasy now.

We have our own rash of horrors here in New England: A little girl drugged to death; four children systematically tortured by three adults for years.

I will never understand how people can do these horrible things to children, disabled or otherwise.

[bookgirlwa]

Bullies, psychopaths and abusers are cowards, so they go for the most vulnerable and unable-to-fight-back people in the vicinity. They can do these things because they don't see their victims as human. They can do these things because most people are in denial about what is done to children and other vulnerable people. They do this because we live in a world where abusers, if they are in a `powerful' group - ie, white, adult, able-bodied, parent or `caregiver' - are protected and defended to an insane level.

[technogoddesss]

I guess I try to put myself in their place, but I don't fit. Can't imagine pouring boiling water on a baby. God! They are helpless little babies, and might does not make right.

[bookgirlwa]

It's interesting, when something like this comes up, or even when talking about discrimination or other less violent acts of abuse, how many people say they try and put themselves in the place of the abusers/oppressers. I've never really understood the need to do that. That's what really puzzles me.

[fierceawakening]

Mya I link to this? You took the words right out of my fingers.

[bookgirlwa]

Certainly. You are welcome to link to anything that I post that isn't flocked, for future reference. If it's a public post it's for public distribution.

[ginamariewade]

Actually, the literature shows that children with disabilities, especially psychiatric problems, are more likely to be abused than other children because they are disabled and are therefore more difficult to parent. Not an excuse, but an explanation. It doesn't make it OK for them to do it, but it puts their actions into context.
The literature also shows that the vast majority of abusive parents are not sociopaths or psychotic, but are ordinary people with poor anger control and poor impulse control.

People do monstrous things to children. Just when I think I've heard of the most fucked up thing I can imagine happening to a child, something else comes along that's even more fucked up. But these are not monsters doing it - they are ordinary people.

[fierceawakening]

are more likely to be abused than other children because they are disabled and are therefore more difficult to parent.

But if you are having difficulty dealing with something, you get help or support or find someone else who can do it. You don't resort to violence.

It's shocking and sickening to me how people respond to these things happening with "well, but of COURSE people aren't going to have the patience."

As if our dignity depends on their patience.

Nope.

[ginamariewade]

I think you're misunderstanding me

[fierceawakening]

People with disabilities are so often told we just need to understand how frustrating it is to deal with us. We're told that violent and cruel behavior isn't abuse, but simply someone "running out of patience" because dealing with us is so hard.

Coming home and telling our parents something hurt us, and getting "Well, I'm sure so and so is frazzled. There's not much in the county budget for dealing with you" rather than "What happened? What did she do? How long has this been going on? You seem withdrawn -- what's happening?" makes me very leery of The Patience Defense.

Part of what I want and I suspect many others I know want too is for people to stop hiding behind the idea that we just need to understand how many of you are frustrated. Why ask children to be patient with abusive parents and caregivers, rather than asking where the patience of the abuser is?

[bookgirlwa]

"These sound like people who would abuse any child they had, disabled or not."

Oh, absolutely, they are that kind of people, I think. And with a child with a disability there is so much more that can be done, under the guise of `therapy' or 'training' the child to be `normal'. Not that I have any first hand knowledge of that attitude, of course... /sarcasm :-(

"(For what it's worth, I do believe your parents were awful to you--there's too much pain involved. There's no excuse for them either. I'm not positive I ever mentioned how mad their behavior makes me. Just so you remember you've got people on your side, even continents apart.)"

Thanks for saying this, it helps, especially at this time of the year when the ghosts and demons are raising their ugly heads.