Rodney has a bad day.
For seperis and svmadelyn's Thirteen Challenge.
Rodney woke up to find himself slung face down over someone's shoulder, his head jolting painfully with every step. He squinted -- why was everything so bright? -- and realized that not only was he being carried like a sack of wheat, he'd apparently been wrapped in one. So it made no sense for the sun to be so glaring and burning his eyes like that, given that his head was in a sack.
Oh God, he'd been kidnapped. It had happened enough that he knew the signs -- the immobilization, the blindfolding, the being transported against one's will -- and so he reacted as he usually did, drawing a deep breath so that he could start yelling. But this time he inhaled twin lungfuls of flour dust and started hacking pathetically.
"He's awake," the person -- man -- carrying him grunted, and Rodney started twisting frantically, still coughing, figuring it was the first rule of being kidnapped; get away, get away, get away. He tried to kick whoever was carrying him, but his feet had been tied, of course. He tried anyway and caught his kidnapper a good one in what he guessed was the sternum, but his kidnapper only grunted again and shifted his hold.
"McKay! Rodney! Stop it!" Rodney squinted against the too-bright light; that was Sheppard's voice. They'd gotten Sheppard? This was even worse than he'd thought. "Colonel? Are you okay?"
Sheppard sounded relieved. "Yeah, McKay, it's me. Quit squirming around, all right? We're almost to the Stargate."
"What?" Rodney sputtered, and spat some dust from his mouth. "Are you crazy? Do they have you in a sack too?" He twisted hard and got a smack on the ass for his trouble.
"Quit it, McKay." And that deep voice -- that was Ronon. He'd been kidnapped by his team? Was Teyla somewhere, taking pictures to document his humiliation? "What the hell is going on?" he shouted, and squirmed like a corkscrew, or those strange lizards they'd seen on MXS-4237. "If this is some sort of prank I will make you all pay. You will wish you were dead."
Sheppard laughed, but didn't sound amused. "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, McKay."
"It is no prank, Dr. McKay," Teyla said from somewhere to his right, her voice its usual zen calm.
Rodney gritted his teeth. "Well, excuse me if I'm having a hard time figuring out other reasons why I'm tied up in a sack!"
"You bit me," Sheppard said flatly, and Rodney blinked.
"I did no such thing."
"You did," Ronon confirmed, his voice a deep rumble next to Rodney's ear. They'd quit moving; Rodney heard the familiar sound of someone dialing a DHD.
"You walked into the Ancient outpost after I specifically asked you not to," Sheppard recited, his voice taking on a familiar tinge of annoyance, "given that we hadn't yet cleared it. You got hit by some sort of red light beam thing, your eyes glowed for a second, and then you tried to rip out my throat. With your newly pointy teeth."
"You're joking," Rodney tried, even as he ran his tongue over his incisors. They seemed a little sharper than usual.... "You think I'm a vampire?" Maybe they had been kidnapped after all, and everyone else had been gripped by a deeply weird Stockholm Syndrome.
"And then you ran out into the sunlight and caught on fire," Sheppard added. "Ronon had to beat you out with his coat."
"I'll expect a new one," Ronon rumbled, and adjusted his grip on Rodney's ankles. He heard the last chevron click into place and the whoosh of the event horizon.
"There's no such thing as vampires," Rodney said distractedly, and tried to take his pulse with his bound hands.
"Pegasus Galaxy, McKay," Sheppard pointed out. His voice carried a certain resignation to it, Rodney thought. "Be careful about declaring what's impossible." And Rodney shrieked as they stepped through the impossibly white light of the stargate.
Part II
Rodney woke up to find himself slung face down over someone's shoulder, his head jolting painfully with every step. He squinted -- why was everything so bright? -- and realized that not only was he being carried like a sack of wheat, he'd apparently been wrapped in one. So it made no sense for the sun to be so glaring and burning his eyes like that, given that his head was in a sack.
Oh God, he'd been kidnapped. It had happened enough that he knew the signs -- the immobilization, the blindfolding, the being transported against one's will -- and so he reacted as he usually did, drawing a deep breath so that he could start yelling. But this time he inhaled twin lungfuls of flour dust and started hacking pathetically.
"He's awake," the person -- man -- carrying him grunted, and Rodney started twisting frantically, still coughing, figuring it was the first rule of being kidnapped; get away, get away, get away. He tried to kick whoever was carrying him, but his feet had been tied, of course. He tried anyway and caught his kidnapper a good one in what he guessed was the sternum, but his kidnapper only grunted again and shifted his hold.
"McKay! Rodney! Stop it!" Rodney squinted against the too-bright light; that was Sheppard's voice. They'd gotten Sheppard? This was even worse than he'd thought. "Colonel? Are you okay?"
Sheppard sounded relieved. "Yeah, McKay, it's me. Quit squirming around, all right? We're almost to the Stargate."
"What?" Rodney sputtered, and spat some dust from his mouth. "Are you crazy? Do they have you in a sack too?" He twisted hard and got a smack on the ass for his trouble.
"Quit it, McKay." And that deep voice -- that was Ronon. He'd been kidnapped by his team? Was Teyla somewhere, taking pictures to document his humiliation? "What the hell is going on?" he shouted, and squirmed like a corkscrew, or those strange lizards they'd seen on MXS-4237. "If this is some sort of prank I will make you all pay. You will wish you were dead."
Sheppard laughed, but didn't sound amused. "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, McKay."
"It is no prank, Dr. McKay," Teyla said from somewhere to his right, her voice its usual zen calm.
Rodney gritted his teeth. "Well, excuse me if I'm having a hard time figuring out other reasons why I'm tied up in a sack!"
"You bit me," Sheppard said flatly, and Rodney blinked.
"I did no such thing."
"You did," Ronon confirmed, his voice a deep rumble next to Rodney's ear. They'd quit moving; Rodney heard the familiar sound of someone dialing a DHD.
"You walked into the Ancient outpost after I specifically asked you not to," Sheppard recited, his voice taking on a familiar tinge of annoyance, "given that we hadn't yet cleared it. You got hit by some sort of red light beam thing, your eyes glowed for a second, and then you tried to rip out my throat. With your newly pointy teeth."
"You're joking," Rodney tried, even as he ran his tongue over his incisors. They seemed a little sharper than usual.... "You think I'm a vampire?" Maybe they had been kidnapped after all, and everyone else had been gripped by a deeply weird Stockholm Syndrome.
"And then you ran out into the sunlight and caught on fire," Sheppard added. "Ronon had to beat you out with his coat."
"I'll expect a new one," Ronon rumbled, and adjusted his grip on Rodney's ankles. He heard the last chevron click into place and the whoosh of the event horizon.
"There's no such thing as vampires," Rodney said distractedly, and tried to take his pulse with his bound hands.
"Pegasus Galaxy, McKay," Sheppard pointed out. His voice carried a certain resignation to it, Rodney thought. "Be careful about declaring what's impossible." And Rodney shrieked as they stepped through the impossibly white light of the stargate.
Part II