Please don't kill mestar_flareDecember 31 2006, 02:49:22 UTC
Yzak Jule was used to bunking with someone else, even if it had to be Athrun Zala at times. (Yeah, present tense is tricky because you always have to think about.. well, the tense.) "was" should be "is"--which also means, that "had" should be "has"? Or maybe you should rephrase the second clause, hahah, it's a bit awkward. ^^;; ("even if sometimes that someone else is Athrun Zala" might work, I think.)
The changes that occurred for the past few days had been so overwhelming that as soon as he wrapped everything up with the superior officers and accomplished all his paperwork, he immediately thought of hiding in his room until morning. Present perfect instead of past? (LOL I SUCK AT THIS) "have occurred/have been occurring", "have been", "has wrapped/he's wrapped", "thinks". Wah, I really don't know. ;_____;
Dearka, he says his name blankly, I find this awkward for some reason. You can omit the "his name" part entirely...
The uniforms he used to wear were still with him "are", not were.
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(Yeah, present tense is tricky because you always have to think about.. well, the tense.) "was" should be "is"--which also means, that "had" should be "has"? Or maybe you should rephrase the second clause, hahah, it's a bit awkward. ^^;; ("even if sometimes that someone else is Athrun Zala" might work, I think.)
The changes that occurred for the past few days had been so overwhelming that as soon as he wrapped everything up with the superior officers and accomplished all his paperwork, he immediately thought of hiding in his room until morning.
Present perfect instead of past? (LOL I SUCK AT THIS) "have occurred/have been occurring", "have been", "has wrapped/he's wrapped", "thinks". Wah, I really don't know. ;_____;
Dearka, he says his name blankly,
I find this awkward for some reason. You can omit the "his name" part entirely...
The uniforms he used to wear were still with him
"are", not were.
He probably had outgrown them anyway."has ( ... )
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That's for attempting present tense xD
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