love; pure and simple.

[bohofaery]

I rang my grandparents today. My nana keeps sending me postcards, and I've been meaning to write back for weeks but somehow never got round to it, so I phoned them on my new landline. She's going into hospital again tomorrow. The chemotherapy's stopped working. This is the fifth batch of chemo they've given her, and the radiotherapy never came to

Comments

[safeinthecity]

Quantity above quality.... Such an English idea.

[bohofaery]

except I don't know what'll happen when she dies, and I hate the idea of her missing out on anything, you know? I keep looking up at the sky and just being puzzled by the beauty of it, how life can be so worthwhile and yet someone who knows that, who sees it, who is able to love with all of her, is being deprived of it while all these other people who wouldn't know beauty or love if it bit them keep on living. And maybe death will be freedom for her, but I don't know. And it's selfish and I don't want to lose her. But to me, life is always worth keeping.

[nepasavaler]

dear, i'm really sorry about your nana :(
xxx

[bohofaery]

thanks, darling. xxx

I have an essay to write on the Socratic idea of justice and it just doesn't seem important in the scheme of things right now. I just keep looking out of the window and feeling this overwhelming mixture of sorrow and peace and sadness. I want her to be at peace - I just wish I could be sure that she will be.

[fingertiptouch]

I'm so sorry about your grandmother.

Your entry reminded me of a piece from Sophie's world, about how her grandmother became ill and said that she had never realised "how rich life was, until now". It seems so sad that its sometimes takes death to make us appreciate life.

xxx

[bohofaery]

It's not exactly that, I don't think ... but when you consider its vulnerability you start to view life in a different way. I keep looking at the sky, and thinking of the soul, and freedom ... I don't know. But I want to make the most of the small things, while I can.

& you're lovely. xxx

[bohofaery]

we'll see. I'm not sure that's entirely necessary, yet - I can usually put these things to one side if I need to. I'm not sure if that's a strength or a weakness.

But thankyou, anyway. It means a lot. (and hugs are always good) xxx

[latristesse]

I'm sorry for asking such a silly, inappropriate question at a time like this. I remember you telling me about your grandmother's dream and that it made you ever so happy to hear. I wish I could think of something to say, but there's nothing really that would make it better at all and it would be wrong if there was. Except that if you want to talk, I'm always at the end of a phone. Does that sound patronising or insensitive or something? It's not meant to be, anyway.

xxxxx

[bohofaery]

I'm sorry I didn't ring you like I said. Too many late working nights recently and I fell asleep. And I didn't mind at all - it seemed strangely appropriate, in a way. Far more than my philosophy essay, anyway.

I'll be fine, like I said. You know me; rational as ever. I'm going to see them next week, I think, or next weekend maybe. But ... thankyou. You're going to get the biggest hug tomorrow :)

xxxxxxxx