(no subject)
Title: Pain & Love pt3
Author: veiledndarkness
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.
Warnings:
This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.
************************
Bobby stood by the window in his mother’s room, arms folded as he watched the pale light from the moon creep across the floor. His sleep had been broken and after tossing and turning for over an hour, he’d gotten up. A small frown marred his face as he thought over Angel’s words from earlier that night. He’d never been all that up on admitting that he was wrong.
Oh, he could apologize, say that he was sorry, and mean it but he would still hold the notion that he’d been right, no matter what the other person thought. And even now, he clung to the idea that Angel didn’t understand and that’s why he was so mad, not that he was mad at Bobby but mad because he didn’t understand, that’s all.
‘He’ll come around’ he reasoned to himself. He nodded at that thought.
‘And if you’re wrong?’ a small voice whispered maliciously in his ear. Bobby shut his eyes, squeezing them tightly. Behind the darkness of his eyelids, he could see the continuous replay of him beating Jack bloody. He shuddered lightly. The images wouldn’t leave him alone.
‘No less than you deserve’ the voice whispered again.
************************************
Jerry lay in his bed, his fingers pressed together tent-like as he looked up at the ceiling. He had given up all thoughts of getting any sleep tonight. Every time he tried to relax his body, his brain would push another thought at him. He listened to the even, steady breathing of his wife. He envied her, her ability to sleep no matter what was on her mind.
Each time that he thought he was closer to actually sleeping, he would see the heartbreaking look on Ma’s face, the drying tear tracks on Jack’s face as he slept, the bloody water that had been left on the table. His stomach twisted and then lurched. He got out of bed as quietly as possible.
Jerry leaned down and kissed Camille softly on the cheek. He hurried to the bathroom and closed the door behind him, allowing himself to be sick then.
***************************************
Angel slept fitfully on the couch. He sorely missed the comforting warmth that Sofi provided. He groaned as he flipped his pillow over again, searching for the cooler spot. Try as he might, he couldn’t fall asleep. He punched his pillow angrily.
“Dammit!” he growled.
He’d taken the couch knowing how uncomfortable it was for a man his size to sleep on, but he would suffer knowing that Bobby wasn’t getting out of that room without him knowing it. And there lay the bigger problem. Bobby.
‘What the fuck do we do?’ he thought grimly as he turned on his right side again.
He was determined to make sure that Bobby never lifted a finger to Jack in anger again. The only problem was that he had no clue as to what they could do to help. Angel sighed as he pulled the sheet tighter over his arms. He hated feeling so useless. He wanted to fix this now before Bobby did any more damage to Jack.
************************************
Evelyn lay on her side on Bobby’s old bed, twisting the sheets around her fingers as she glanced around the room. She took in the posters, the various sports memorabilia’s on the shelves. She swallowed weakly as the urge to cry hit her again. She’d lost count of how many times she had found herself in tears since the moment she had heard the cab pull into the driveway.
She’d always known that Bobby could turn on those he cared most about in a matter of seconds. His reputation on the streets did him justice, people flinched at the name Bobby Mercer, and other gang members who would never back down from a fight, would go out of their way to avoid a run in with him. She shivered as she imagined the look on his face when he was in a rage.
Until earlier that night, she had never seen the full effects of what Bobby was capable of. She’d heard many a rumor about things he had supposedly done to others, but never seen the brunt of his violence before. Evelyn closed her eyes and sighed. ‘I’ve failed him,’ she thought miserably.
She remembered the countless times that she’d been called to the school when he was younger to speak with the principal. She recalled the way that Bobby would be sitting slightly hunched over in his chair, cracking his knuckles and giving the badly frightened principal threatening looks. The glare on his face made most adults very nervous. And of course, each teacher, whether they had him or not, knew what Bobby was capable of.
She scowled at the ceiling as she recalled the one principal at Bobby’s second high school, the only one who wasn’t frightened. He had been there several years and was accustomed to dealing with the worst of the inner city kids, the ones that society had washed their hands of. The man had the nerve to tell her to her face no less, that Bobby belonged in a cage, or jail, whichever was more convenient for her. She had sat in silence for a moment in shock at the man’s bluntness. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the quick flash of hurt on Bobby’s face, a look that was gone in the blink of an eye. She felt a hot wave go through her and her own anger reared up.
She’d stood up calmly, thanked the principal for his time and when he’d reached his hand out to shake hers, she had slapped him so hard that his head rocked backwards. He’d stumbled, and then fell back into his chair, a dazed expression on his face. Bobby had stared at her with a blank look on his face. She’d turned back to the principal and told him coldly, that she would no longer require his assistance in educating Bobby, and that he might want to reconsider his counseling methods.
With that, she’d gently grabbed Bobby by the arm and led him out of the office, her head held proudly high. That night she had sat Bobby down and explained to him that if he couldn’t deal with school, then he would need to find a job, something for him to do, a skill to learn to help keep him out of trouble. Bobby, then 16, had hugged her tight, mumbling thanks and apologies into her shoulder. She’d nodded her head, her eyes bright while sending him off to bed. Only once she was in bed, did she let herself weep.
Now she fought her tears and resolved that she would do everything that she could to keep Bobby and Jack together. She rubbed at her eyes. God, she felt tired.
************************************
In the early hours of the morning Bobby lay on his mother’s bed staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. His sleep had not been restful, his dreams dark and frightening. His hands were laced together on his chest, the fingers still twitching as he tried to push the disturbing images from his mind.
He was pulled from his thoughts by a muted knock on the door. After a moment’s hesitation, the door opened and Bobby felt his stomach drop as Jack shuffled through the doorway. He forgot to breathe as he looked Jack over, the extent of his injuries hitting Bobby full force. He sucked in a quick breath as Jack inched closer to him.
Jack met his eyes; his chin raised slightly, a silent challenge. Bobby could see hints of shakiness in Jack’s frame. He supposed that Jack was using every bit of strength that he had left.
“Jack” he breathed, his heart beating far too fast.
“Bobby” said Jack.
“Jackie, I…” Bobby started to say.
“No” said Jack firmly. Bobby’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “What?”
Jack shook his head slowly. “Don’t you apologize. Not right now. I can’t hear it from you right now” he said, his throat convulsing lightly as he nervously swallowed.
“I don’t want to hear your promises, or how sorry you are, none of that shit.”
Bobby nodded, his nostrils flaring in annoyance. “Alright, so how do I make this better if I’m not speaking then?” he said.
Jack blinked. “Make this better?” he said softly. “Bobby this isn’t just gonna fix itself just cause you say sorry.”
Bobby sat back down on the bed and huffed to himself. A pain filled silence filled the room. Finally Bobby stared down at the floor while he spoke.
“I don’t know what to do Jackie. I want to make you happy, make you love me again…I” he trailed off as he noticed that Jack was fidgeting with the straps of his sling. He pushed down the hard lump that rose in his throat.
Bobby moved as though he was in a daze. He closed the distance between them and raised his hands until they hovered over Jack’s injured arm. Bobby brought his hands down softly on the sling. Jack watched Bobby’s hands, seemingly mesmerized by their movements. He hitched his breath when Bobby gently stroked the fingers on his right hand. His eyes fluttered shut when he felt soft, barely there kisses to his knuckles.
Jack was torn between the urge to run and the desire to let Bobby touch him. He gasped thinly as he pulled back abruptly. He took one big step back from Bobby, who stared at him, his eyes unreadable.
“I can’t do this right now. I’ve…I gotta go” he said, his voice laced with panic. He limped towards the door, a deep frown etched on his face as pain shot up his leg.
“I’ll um…see you later” he said while biting his lip furiously.
Bobby nodded once, his heart sinking as the door closed.
‘I’ll make it right. I’ll do whatever it takes’ he swore to himself as he suppressed the urge to cry or to scream, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more.
********************************
Evelyn’s hands shook as she poured water into the kettle. The almost complete lack of sleep left her feeling old and weak. She inhaled slowly, deep calming breaths while she prepared breakfast. ‘I must speak to Bobby. This morning, no later.’
Angel came through the doorway, rubbing the back of his head with one hand.
“Mornin’ Mom” he said as he sat at the kitchen table.
Evelyn smiled at him as she placed a plate of pancakes on the table in front of him.
“Was the couch comfortable?” she asked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.
“Hell no” he muttered around a mouthful of pancake.
Evelyn stood at the window and turned her face to meet the first rays of the sun. She let her mind wander as she stared out the window, momentarily forgetting the events of the night before. A sharp blast from the kettle jostled her out of her daze.
She made herself a cup of tea and sat at the table, savoring the still quietness of the morning. She watched Angel wolf down four pancakes before speaking again.
“I know I need to have a talk with Bobby this morning.”
Angel swallowed his last mouthful and then looked up at her. “You want me to take Jackie some place?” he asked.
Evelyn took a sip of her tea and nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind.”
“No problem Mom. You want us to pick up his meds then?” he asked.
“Yes, I suppose he’ll be needing those by now. Hmm, I think I’ll go check on him.” She made another cup of tea and carried it with her as she left the room. “And rinse your plate please” she called over her shoulder.
Angel rolled his eyes as he rinsed his plate. He strained his ears, listening for any sounds coming from Evelyn’s bedroom. Nothing. He grabbed the juice container and took a long gulp of it. ‘Better grab my shower now while there’s still some hot water’ he thought with a grim smile.
**********************************
Evelyn tapped on Jack’s bedroom door with two fingers. “Jackie?” she called quietly.
When there was no answer, she pushed the door open with her foot and walked in. Jack was on the bed, idly picking at the knot in his sling, his face blotchy from crying. Evelyn sat the mug of tea down on the small side table near the bed and gently pulled Jack into her arms. He resisted at first, staying stiff as a board, but after a moment of inhaling the clean, comforting smell of his mother, Jack’s defenses broke. He cried hard into her shoulder, his sobs racking his body. She whispered soothing words into his ear and ran her fingers through his hair slowly while he cried.
After ten long minutes, Jack pushed back a bit and sniffed loudly. She smiled at him and handed him a small tissue pack that she had carried upstairs in her pocket. He blew his nose quickly. He looked down at her shoulder and his face creased again.
“What?” she asked.
“I cried all over your shirt Mom, I’m sorry” he said softly.
She gave a small chuckle. “Don’t worry about my shirt sweetheart. The more important thing is, are you feeling a bit better?”
Jack gave her a watery grin. “I still hurt and I can’t seem to stop crying.”
She shook her head slowly. “That’s to be expected. You’ve been through quite a bit these past few hours. I’m sending you with Angel in a little while to pick up your prescriptions. It’ll do you good to get some fresh air.”
“You’re going to talk to him aren’t you?” Jack asked, his head down.
Evelyn sighed. “Yes Jackie, I will be. It has to be done. You can’t sweep this under the rug and pretend that it’s all going to go away. You can’t run from this problem Jack.”
Jack shrugged awkwardly. “I know. But Mom…don’t yell too much ok? He loves me I know he does, and he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he just looses control sometimes” Jack said, his ears pink with embarrassment.
Evelyn nodded gravely. “I know all that sweetheart but the very problem is control. He must learn to control his anger.”
She stood up and then leaned over to place a kiss on the top of his head. “Go with Angel. I’ll see you soon.”
Jack stood up and headed for the door. “Bye Mom.”
She watched him head down the stairs, a sad smile on her face. She took a deep breath before heading to her own bedroom to face Bobby.
*****************************
Evelyn pushed open her bedroom door, her heart beating loudly in her ears. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, watching Bobby stare out the window, a sad, forlorn look on his face.
She waited patiently for him to acknowledge her. After a few minutes of silence, Bobby sighed quietly. She watched him slump forward a bit and found herself wondering what he was thinking.
“There comes a time when saying sorry is no longer enough Bobby” she said.
Bobby rested his head against the window frame. He dry swallowed against the hard lump that had formed in his throat.
“I never meant to hurt him” Bobby whispered.
“I know that you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done to Jack. But in order to stop hurting him, you need to face your own fears, your own anger. By hurting Jack, you hurt yourself” said Evelyn.
Bobby blinked rapidly then, ignoring as best he could the hot tears that gathered and burned under his lids.
“You’re slowly driving him towards a breakdown. He loves you like crazy Bobby, and he’s not about to leave you, despite what everyone tells him.”
Bobby whirled around, his eyes overly bright, hands balled into fists.
“He left me yesterday!” he snarled, the hurt clear in his voice.
“Only because you beat him until he feared for his life” Evelyn shot back, her own eyes bright with anger.
“I cannot stand by and allow you to do this to Jack. He deserves to be more than a convenient way for you to release your anger. Don’t you want Jack to be happy? Do you really want him to suffer, particularly at your hands?” Evelyn trailed off as she watched a look of horror slowly appear on Bobby’s face.
“I…do you think he wants to be with me or…or is he just too scared of me to leave?” Bobby asked, his breathing loud and fast, rasping in his ears.
Evelyn looked down at her hands. “I’d like to believe that it’s because he loves you so, Bobby.”
Bobby nodded shakily. He suddenly felt weak and feverish.
“Ma, I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t know how to change, to be what he needs me to be” he said as he swallowed rapidly over his rising nausea.
Evelyn made up her mind in that moment, deciding that Bobby needed to see something visual to drive the point home.
“Come with me Bobby. There are some people I’d like you to meet” she asked quietly.
Bobby’s head snapped upwards. “I ain’t going to no doctor” he said automatically.
Evelyn smiled sadly. “No doctors, I promise.”
She held out her hand as he grabbed his coat off the edge of the bed. He walked past her ignoring the outstretched hand. She closed the door behind her, her lips pressed tightly together. It would be a long car ride.
***********************
They drove in silence, neither feeling the need to speak. The tension between them was so thick that Evelyn found herself struggling to breathe. They pulled up in front of a non-descript building that seemed tired and faded around the edges.
Bobby eyed the building and snorted.
“So, what’s so fuckin’ special about here?” he said.
“Language, Bobby. You’ll see in a moment” Evelyn said as she locked her car door.
She knew that side of Bobby was protecting him from his own fear. She ignored the dirty look on his face and started up the cracked cement stairs. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he started up the stairs. Evelyn led them down a narrow hallway, nodding and smiling at some of the other women in the doorways and halls. Bobby trailed behind her feeling like a tag-along teenager all over again.
She stopped in front of a door marked ‘Private’, one hand resting on the doorknob. She turned to look at Bobby, her face deadly serious.
“I want you to keep your mouth closed the entire time that we’re here. I mean it Bobby, not one word.”
Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes. He nodded his head once, enough of an answer for Evelyn. She opened the door and motioned for him to follow her. They stepped into a mid size room that for the most part, resembled a hospital operating room. All necessary equipment, first aid supplies, a few wheelchairs, several pairs of crutches in one corner and what looked like a hospital bed.
Bobby glanced around the room, a sinking feeling in his stomach growing by the minute.
Evelyn chuckled dryly, sensing his unasked question. “Funding, my dear. It pays to know people that are connected to charities.”
Bobby blinked. He hadn’t realized just how involved his mother was in the various charities that she supported and volunteered in. He caught a bit of movement then out of the corner of his eye, coming from underneath the sheets on the bed.
Evelyn walked briskly to over to the emerging body on the bed. She leaned in closely and spoke softly to the woman under the covers. The woman struggled to pull herself up into a sitting position. Evelyn gently lifted her forwards so that she could move herself higher. As they moved, the sheets fell away from her body.
Bobby bit down hard on his lower lip as he saw the now revealed ropey, raw-looking new scars that covered her arms and upper neck. One eyelid drooped further than the other; her right ear seemed smaller than the left, until Bobby realized that it was because the top half was missing. Patches of her pair were missing, her face a wash of darkly colored bruises. Bobby choked on a horrified gasp, his eyes blinking furiously. The urge to scream was overwhelming his need to be sick.
Evelyn spoke with the woman again; taking no notice of Bobby’s slightly muffled gasps.
“Bobby, could you please step out of the room so I can speak to Jessica in private?” she asked calmly.
Bobby stumbled backwards, his legs heavy and awkward. He closed the door behind him, dizzy with the implication of what had happened to that woman. He slowly sat down on the ground near the door, his head hanging low. He breathed shallowly through his nose, slow, even breaths, just the way Evelyn had taught him.
A pained cry from one of the other rooms brought his head back up in a second. The cry died out a moment later. Bobby was about to close his eyes when he suddenly saw a small boy sitting across from him. The boy was hunched over, his light brown hair flopping over his eyes.
As Bobby studied the child, he realized that the child seemed so familiar to him. He cursed silently as he struggled with his memory. The boy looked up at him, his eyes dead, weary and far older looking than any child’s ever should be. A combination of fear and anger that Bobby remembered all too well from his own days of being a helpless child.
He felt a surge of satisfaction as he summoned the memory of the day he’d hit his foster parent back. The way the bone in his nose had crunched has satisfied his need to inflict pain. He shuddered abruptly as he recalled the sound Jack’s nose had made when he’d broken it the night before. The snapping sound echoed in his ears.
He observed the size of the bruise that covered the better part of the child’s face. ‘Bet that hurts’ he thought absently.
The boy stood up then, moving very slowly as though the very act of moving hurt every fiber of his being. He shuffled slowly towards Bobby. The paleness of the child’s face was unnerving. Bobby stood up; something about this silent child was spooking him badly. The boy stared up at him, his wide eyes so pain-filled. He reached for Bobby’s hand. Bobby felt the child’s cold fingers wrap around his, and in that moment he didn’t see a nameless, abused child, he saw Jack.
A small version of Jack that still screamed and pleaded for mercy each time he was beaten, a Jack who had yet to become accustomed to the punishments from his abusers, a child who had yet to learn the value of indifference, a child who wore no masks to protect his emotions and feelings. A child who was starved for any kind of affection or love. An older Jack who suffered at the hands of his lover, never doubting that in some way he deserved it.
Bobby let out a hoarse cry and dropped the child’s cold hand, the guilt overwhelming him, the nausea surging violently in his stomach. He gasped for breath, helpless against the images that flew through his mind. He heaved and swore violently as the colors on the child’s face blurred together until his vision was nothing but a garish rainbow.
He backed up and bumped into Evelyn just as she was coming out of the room. She took in Bobby’s pale, sweating face, and the child’s calm, blank expression. She knelt down and ran a comforting hand over the boy’s head.
“Well, hello there Joey. Have you come to visit your Mommy today?” she asked kindly.
Joey nodded slowly.
“Do you want me to bring you in to see her sweetheart?” she asked.
Another slow, silent nod.
“Alright then,” she said as she pushed the door open again. Bobby followed behind them, feeling like he was floating. She led Joey into the room and helped him on the chair by the bed.
“Here, I’ve brought a little surprise for you. I know how much you like dinosaurs, so here’s a few to help you start a collection” she said as she handed Joey a small cardboard box from her overly large handbag that had several plastic dinosaurs.
Joey gave her a tiny, fleeting smile that was gone in a flash. She walked over to Jessica and smoothed back the dull brown hair that hung in her face. She dropped a quick, motherly kiss on her forehead. When she went to put her purse back on her shoulder, Bobby watched with mild, detached amusement as Evelyn slyly slipped a twenty dollar bill in Jessica’s battered purse on the bedside table.
They left the room then, Bobby still thoroughly spooked by the odd visions that he’d had of Jack while holding Joey’s hand. Evelyn waited until they were in the car before speaking again.
“Jessica lived with her boyfriend for ten years. Joey is seven by the way” she said.
“…so small though” Bobby muttered. She nodded, her eyes soft with emotion.
“About three days ago, Jessica decided that she couldn’t live with the abuse anymore. He came home early and caught her packing. He…” she stumbled as she talked, the anger still evident in her voice.
“He grabbed a knife to her, pinned her down and took the knife to her arms and neck. He tried to …scalp her. That was when Joey attacked him. He hit him on the back of the head with a hammer. Several times.”
Bobby looked out the car window, swearing softly.
Evelyn turned to face Bobby, her eyes were wide with pain and anger, and just for a split second he saw Jack again.
“There’s one more thing I need to show you today” she said.
Bobby attempted to nod. His stomach rolling, he clenched his fingers into the arm rests as she started the car again.
******************************
They drove once again in muted silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. It was a silence that they both welcomed.
Evelyn turned the car off the main road and onto a smoothly paved, winding driveway. Bobby felt a distinct sense of unease as they passed row after row of headstones. As he stared at the passing rows, Bobby saw a group of mourners standing by a grave site. He felt a surge of pity for them. He’d never attended a funeral in his life and felt extremely uncomfortable around cemeteries.
Evelyn pulled the car over to the furthest side of the driveway. She turned the engine off and rested her hands on the wheel. Bobby waited a beat before leaning closer to her.
“Mom?” he croaked, his voice still hoarse from earlier.
“I’m fine dear. Come with me” she murmured before stepping out of the car. Bobby walked slightly behind Evelyn as she expertly led the way through a seemingly endless maze of graves. They came to a stop in front of a small section of graves, about thirty in total. In the middle of the gated section of the cemetery was a large concrete angel, her arms outstretched, and a heavenly smile on her face.
Bobby stood off to the side of the walkway, his hands deeply in his coat pockets as he watched Evelyn run her fingers over the inscription plate on the base of the statue. She turned to face him a moment later.
“This stone angel was created for the women’s shelter that I volunteer at. She watches over the ones who didn’t escape while I help the ones that did. It’s dedicated to an old friend of mine, Mary.” Evelyn sighed then, a heavy sigh full of regret.
She watched Bobby’s eyes to see if he was listening, really hearing what she was saying.
Bobby avoided meeting her eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the anger and the hurt that must have been in her eyes. “So…uh what happened to Mary, Mom?” he asked hesitantly.
Evelyn thought for a moment before speaking. “Mary was the kindest person that I’ve ever known. Smart and brave, a loyal friend, kind to a fault and a good mother. And yet she was foolish in believing that her husband would ever let her leave him. She finally did try to leave him the day after she caught him beating their three year old son. He found her a month later.”
Evelyn broke off again as a sob rose in her throat, the memories so awful to relive. She pressed one hand against her mouth. Bobby stepped closer to her, one arm haltingly raising to hug her, to offer some form of comfort. She breathed slowly before beginning again.
“He dragged her out of the shelter one morning. How he found her, we’ll never know. She was missing for over half a day before we found her body on the shelter’s doorstep. She was…virtually unrecognizable, she’d been beaten so severely. On the news that night, we learned that he’d put a gun to his head in the middle of the police station lobby after announcing what he had done earlier that day. I suppose the guilt was eating away at him, and he couldn’t find a way to cope with it.”
She wiped at her eyes with a hanker chief. “I brought Mary’s son home with me until he was ready to be adopted. He still writes me once a year, usually around Christmastime. He’s a good boy, Mary would have been so proud.”
She cried little then, silent tears that zigzagged across her cheeks. She stepped back a bit from Bobby and looked him closely in the eye.
“I brought you here and to the shelter today to show you what can happen, Your anger Bobby, it controls you. You have to be strong enough to ride out your fury,” she said.
Bobby began to speak. “No, let me finish” Evelyn interrupted.
Bobby frowned at the stern expression on her face.
“I won’t let what happened to Mary happen to Jack. I know that you love him, never question that Bobby, but your kind of love could cost Jack his life. I’ll help you find the guidance you need, I’ll help you both every step of the way. But know this, you will not lay even one finger on him in anger again. Do you understand?” she asked firmly.
Bobby blinked away more tears that threatened to choke him, wiping furiously at the stray ones that rolled down his cheeks.
“Promise me Bobby, promise!” she said.
“I…I promise,” he whispered brokenly. “On his love…and mine,” he added.
Evelyn pulled him into a hard hug. “I’ll never stop loving you Bobby, but Lord how you try my patience,” she said as she hugged him, rocking slightly.
Bobby barked out a short laugh at that. “You’re the only one who never gave up on me, Ma” he said softly.
“Hey, look at me,” she said. Bobby met her eyes reluctantly.
“Would I ever give up on any of my boys?” she asked as they turned to head back to the car.
“No” Bobby said. “Damn right,” she said.
Bobby begged off from going back to the house right away. He could feel his slim control over his emotions slipping. “God, I need a drink,” he mumbled as he nearly ran into the nearest bar, his heart aching with new knowledge.
******************************
Bobby stared blankly into his nearly empty beer bottle. He had long since lost count of how many he’d consumed since stumbling into the bar four hours earlier, his mother’s words still loudly ringing in his ears. He uttered a short cry that tried to be a sound of laughter as he studied his bottle. He couldn’t seem to block her voice, her soft voice that was loaded with disappointment, anger and sadness.
A few of the other people sitting at tables close by gave him a cursory glance when he gave his bizarre laugh. He ignored the stares and focused on finishing his beer. The table was covered in bottles. Bobby strained his bleary eyes and attempted to count them all. After 3 tries in a row, he gave up and decided that it was high time that he had another drink. He staggered up to the bar, weaving dangerously close to the other tables.
The bartender was reading a beat up newspaper, tapping one foot absently as he avoided making eye contact with Bobby. He recognized Bobby all too well. Fucker had started more than a few fights in the bar, making a scene every so often, getting completely shit faced. He struggled to ignore Bobby’s impatient sigh.
Bobby watched the bartender ignore him for a few moments before his anger started to rear its ugly head. “Hey, how ‘bout some service huh!” he yelled, waving a bill in the guy’s direction.
The bartender sighed. The worst ones always came in on his shift. ‘Fuck’ he thought. “Whatcha want now Mercer?” he said as he walked over. Bobby glared at him.
“Can the shit and gimme a bottle of JD” he snapped. The bartender’s eyebrows rose.
“Y’know it’s not a good idea to pour Jack Daniels over ten beers right?” he said cautiously. He supposed it probably wasn’t the best idea to keep serving Bobby, but he remembered the last time he’d tried to refuse to serve him. He fingered the scar on his left arm, close to his elbow; fucker has sliced him good with his pocketknife.
“I appreciate your concern” Bobby drawled sarcastically. “Now give me the fuckin’ bottle.”
“Fine” he said as he grabbed the nearest bottle from the shelf. Bobby dropped the bill beside the bartender’s open palm and snagged the bottle before he could blink.
“Your customer service skills are excellent as always.” Bobby said sourly as he wobbled back to his table. The bartender walked back over to his paper.
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit” he muttered with disgust.
Bobby sat back down at his table, his legs shaking as he sat. He ripped the cap top off carelessly, bringing the bottle straight to his mouth. He gulped down three large swallows, the alcohol burning all the way down his throat. He licked his lips, leaned back in his chair and studied the bottle.
“Drinking will only make this more difficult Bobby” said a soft voice in his ear.
Bobby jumped in his seat and whipped his head around frantically looking for the voice. Seeing no one, he took another long pull from the bottle and gasped aloud as it burned a new trail down his throat.
“When’s drinking ever helped you along Bobby?” the voice said again.
“Who the fuck said that!” Bobby yelled, blinking rapidly as he scanned the room.
A sigh. “I’m right behind you.”
Bobby turned around so quickly that he almost fell off his chair. “Jerry?!”
Jerry glanced at the bottles that covered almost every available spot on the table and shook his head slowly. He sat on the chair opposite to Bobby and folded his arms. He frowned then as he watched Bobby take a deep swallow from his bottle. He waited till Bobby swallowed before sighing again.
“I’m starting to wonder if you ever listen” he said. Bobby stared at the table, a bored look on his face.
“Look Jerry, I don’t need this shit right now. You don’t understand, and I ain’t arguing with you about this anymore. Me and Jack, we aren’t gonna put this right if you guys keep butting your heads in” he said.
Jerry knotted his fingers tightly and drummed them lightly on the table. ‘You can throttle him in private’ he said to himself as he searched for what to say.
“One talk with Angel isn’t enough to make it clear obviously. If you’re in a bar drowning your sorrows, then you haven’t been listenin’ Bobby” he said, his voice heavy with sadness.
Bobby just stared at the table, the tips of his ears turning pink with embarrassment. His brothers had found him in worse situations then just being drunk in a bar, but at that moment, he’d never felt more child like and frustrated. Jerry suppressed a smile as he watched the blood flow to Bobby’s ears. ‘Just like Jack’s’ he thought, laughing silently.
“First I get Angel tellin’ me where to go, then Ma, and now you, who else you got lined up?” Bobby snarled.
“Man, you just don’t fuckin’ get it. You think we don’t understand and yeah ok, for me especially I don’t get it, but you ain’t the only one who doesn’t understand.” Jerry snapped.
“What you’ve got with Jack doesn’t seem right. That boy loves you to the end, and all you do is beat him up and control him and…”
“I don’t control him!” Bobby interrupted as the pinkness spread over his ears to his cheeks. Jerry nodded at him with a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Oh yeah, you do. You don’t even have to say the word, Jack’s already jumpin’ to please you; you say jump and he asks ‘how high’, that just isn’t right” said Jerry.
Bobby stared at the table as if he wanted to burn a hole clear through it. He swallowed awkwardly over the large lump in his throat. “I just wanted to help him, I never meant to hurt him” he whispered.
Jerry nodded his head in agreement. “I know you weren’t trying to hurt him, but Bobby this time you could have killed him. What’s it gonna take for you to go too far?”
Bobby shuddered at the thought. “I…I didn’t know…it was like a haze, y’know. One minute we were both yelling, and the next I was bea…hitting him and my hands were covered with his blood. Like a curtain was lifted or some shit.”
“God, I can still feel it on my fingers” he said as he gagged with memory.
Jerry winced as he pictured the beaten face that he’d seen, still with blood. He let out a long sigh. “Bobby, you aren’t helping Jack by drowning in this dump. Come back to the house with me.”
Bobby shook his head, the motions making him dizzy. “No, I just can’t right now. ‘Sides, Jack doesn’t wanna see me. Fuck, I wouldn’t wanna see me right now if I was him.” He dropped his face into his hands, muffling his words.
“He hates me.”
Jerry stood up. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
After Bobby remained silent, still hiding his face, Jerry placed one hand on his shoulder. “At least let me help you back to your place then. You don’t look so hot man.”
Bobby struggled to get to his feet. “Jack always does” he muttered as he swiped one hand over his face. Jerry rolled his eyes and held back a snort of laughter.
“Uh huh, let’s get some coffee into you Romeo” he said as he helped Bobby out of the bar. The other regulars gave a sigh of relief as the two left.
Author: veiledndarkness
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.
Warnings:
This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems.
************************
Bobby stood by the window in his mother’s room, arms folded as he watched the pale light from the moon creep across the floor. His sleep had been broken and after tossing and turning for over an hour, he’d gotten up. A small frown marred his face as he thought over Angel’s words from earlier that night. He’d never been all that up on admitting that he was wrong.
Oh, he could apologize, say that he was sorry, and mean it but he would still hold the notion that he’d been right, no matter what the other person thought. And even now, he clung to the idea that Angel didn’t understand and that’s why he was so mad, not that he was mad at Bobby but mad because he didn’t understand, that’s all.
‘He’ll come around’ he reasoned to himself. He nodded at that thought.
‘And if you’re wrong?’ a small voice whispered maliciously in his ear. Bobby shut his eyes, squeezing them tightly. Behind the darkness of his eyelids, he could see the continuous replay of him beating Jack bloody. He shuddered lightly. The images wouldn’t leave him alone.
‘No less than you deserve’ the voice whispered again.
************************************
Jerry lay in his bed, his fingers pressed together tent-like as he looked up at the ceiling. He had given up all thoughts of getting any sleep tonight. Every time he tried to relax his body, his brain would push another thought at him. He listened to the even, steady breathing of his wife. He envied her, her ability to sleep no matter what was on her mind.
Each time that he thought he was closer to actually sleeping, he would see the heartbreaking look on Ma’s face, the drying tear tracks on Jack’s face as he slept, the bloody water that had been left on the table. His stomach twisted and then lurched. He got out of bed as quietly as possible.
Jerry leaned down and kissed Camille softly on the cheek. He hurried to the bathroom and closed the door behind him, allowing himself to be sick then.
***************************************
Angel slept fitfully on the couch. He sorely missed the comforting warmth that Sofi provided. He groaned as he flipped his pillow over again, searching for the cooler spot. Try as he might, he couldn’t fall asleep. He punched his pillow angrily.
“Dammit!” he growled.
He’d taken the couch knowing how uncomfortable it was for a man his size to sleep on, but he would suffer knowing that Bobby wasn’t getting out of that room without him knowing it. And there lay the bigger problem. Bobby.
‘What the fuck do we do?’ he thought grimly as he turned on his right side again.
He was determined to make sure that Bobby never lifted a finger to Jack in anger again. The only problem was that he had no clue as to what they could do to help. Angel sighed as he pulled the sheet tighter over his arms. He hated feeling so useless. He wanted to fix this now before Bobby did any more damage to Jack.
************************************
Evelyn lay on her side on Bobby’s old bed, twisting the sheets around her fingers as she glanced around the room. She took in the posters, the various sports memorabilia’s on the shelves. She swallowed weakly as the urge to cry hit her again. She’d lost count of how many times she had found herself in tears since the moment she had heard the cab pull into the driveway.
She’d always known that Bobby could turn on those he cared most about in a matter of seconds. His reputation on the streets did him justice, people flinched at the name Bobby Mercer, and other gang members who would never back down from a fight, would go out of their way to avoid a run in with him. She shivered as she imagined the look on his face when he was in a rage.
Until earlier that night, she had never seen the full effects of what Bobby was capable of. She’d heard many a rumor about things he had supposedly done to others, but never seen the brunt of his violence before. Evelyn closed her eyes and sighed. ‘I’ve failed him,’ she thought miserably.
She remembered the countless times that she’d been called to the school when he was younger to speak with the principal. She recalled the way that Bobby would be sitting slightly hunched over in his chair, cracking his knuckles and giving the badly frightened principal threatening looks. The glare on his face made most adults very nervous. And of course, each teacher, whether they had him or not, knew what Bobby was capable of.
She scowled at the ceiling as she recalled the one principal at Bobby’s second high school, the only one who wasn’t frightened. He had been there several years and was accustomed to dealing with the worst of the inner city kids, the ones that society had washed their hands of. The man had the nerve to tell her to her face no less, that Bobby belonged in a cage, or jail, whichever was more convenient for her. She had sat in silence for a moment in shock at the man’s bluntness. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the quick flash of hurt on Bobby’s face, a look that was gone in the blink of an eye. She felt a hot wave go through her and her own anger reared up.
She’d stood up calmly, thanked the principal for his time and when he’d reached his hand out to shake hers, she had slapped him so hard that his head rocked backwards. He’d stumbled, and then fell back into his chair, a dazed expression on his face. Bobby had stared at her with a blank look on his face. She’d turned back to the principal and told him coldly, that she would no longer require his assistance in educating Bobby, and that he might want to reconsider his counseling methods.
With that, she’d gently grabbed Bobby by the arm and led him out of the office, her head held proudly high. That night she had sat Bobby down and explained to him that if he couldn’t deal with school, then he would need to find a job, something for him to do, a skill to learn to help keep him out of trouble. Bobby, then 16, had hugged her tight, mumbling thanks and apologies into her shoulder. She’d nodded her head, her eyes bright while sending him off to bed. Only once she was in bed, did she let herself weep.
Now she fought her tears and resolved that she would do everything that she could to keep Bobby and Jack together. She rubbed at her eyes. God, she felt tired.
************************************
In the early hours of the morning Bobby lay on his mother’s bed staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. His sleep had not been restful, his dreams dark and frightening. His hands were laced together on his chest, the fingers still twitching as he tried to push the disturbing images from his mind.
He was pulled from his thoughts by a muted knock on the door. After a moment’s hesitation, the door opened and Bobby felt his stomach drop as Jack shuffled through the doorway. He forgot to breathe as he looked Jack over, the extent of his injuries hitting Bobby full force. He sucked in a quick breath as Jack inched closer to him.
Jack met his eyes; his chin raised slightly, a silent challenge. Bobby could see hints of shakiness in Jack’s frame. He supposed that Jack was using every bit of strength that he had left.
“Jack” he breathed, his heart beating far too fast.
“Bobby” said Jack.
“Jackie, I…” Bobby started to say.
“No” said Jack firmly. Bobby’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “What?”
Jack shook his head slowly. “Don’t you apologize. Not right now. I can’t hear it from you right now” he said, his throat convulsing lightly as he nervously swallowed.
“I don’t want to hear your promises, or how sorry you are, none of that shit.”
Bobby nodded, his nostrils flaring in annoyance. “Alright, so how do I make this better if I’m not speaking then?” he said.
Jack blinked. “Make this better?” he said softly. “Bobby this isn’t just gonna fix itself just cause you say sorry.”
Bobby sat back down on the bed and huffed to himself. A pain filled silence filled the room. Finally Bobby stared down at the floor while he spoke.
“I don’t know what to do Jackie. I want to make you happy, make you love me again…I” he trailed off as he noticed that Jack was fidgeting with the straps of his sling. He pushed down the hard lump that rose in his throat.
Bobby moved as though he was in a daze. He closed the distance between them and raised his hands until they hovered over Jack’s injured arm. Bobby brought his hands down softly on the sling. Jack watched Bobby’s hands, seemingly mesmerized by their movements. He hitched his breath when Bobby gently stroked the fingers on his right hand. His eyes fluttered shut when he felt soft, barely there kisses to his knuckles.
Jack was torn between the urge to run and the desire to let Bobby touch him. He gasped thinly as he pulled back abruptly. He took one big step back from Bobby, who stared at him, his eyes unreadable.
“I can’t do this right now. I’ve…I gotta go” he said, his voice laced with panic. He limped towards the door, a deep frown etched on his face as pain shot up his leg.
“I’ll um…see you later” he said while biting his lip furiously.
Bobby nodded once, his heart sinking as the door closed.
‘I’ll make it right. I’ll do whatever it takes’ he swore to himself as he suppressed the urge to cry or to scream, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more.
********************************
Evelyn’s hands shook as she poured water into the kettle. The almost complete lack of sleep left her feeling old and weak. She inhaled slowly, deep calming breaths while she prepared breakfast. ‘I must speak to Bobby. This morning, no later.’
Angel came through the doorway, rubbing the back of his head with one hand.
“Mornin’ Mom” he said as he sat at the kitchen table.
Evelyn smiled at him as she placed a plate of pancakes on the table in front of him.
“Was the couch comfortable?” she asked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.
“Hell no” he muttered around a mouthful of pancake.
Evelyn stood at the window and turned her face to meet the first rays of the sun. She let her mind wander as she stared out the window, momentarily forgetting the events of the night before. A sharp blast from the kettle jostled her out of her daze.
She made herself a cup of tea and sat at the table, savoring the still quietness of the morning. She watched Angel wolf down four pancakes before speaking again.
“I know I need to have a talk with Bobby this morning.”
Angel swallowed his last mouthful and then looked up at her. “You want me to take Jackie some place?” he asked.
Evelyn took a sip of her tea and nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind.”
“No problem Mom. You want us to pick up his meds then?” he asked.
“Yes, I suppose he’ll be needing those by now. Hmm, I think I’ll go check on him.” She made another cup of tea and carried it with her as she left the room. “And rinse your plate please” she called over her shoulder.
Angel rolled his eyes as he rinsed his plate. He strained his ears, listening for any sounds coming from Evelyn’s bedroom. Nothing. He grabbed the juice container and took a long gulp of it. ‘Better grab my shower now while there’s still some hot water’ he thought with a grim smile.
**********************************
Evelyn tapped on Jack’s bedroom door with two fingers. “Jackie?” she called quietly.
When there was no answer, she pushed the door open with her foot and walked in. Jack was on the bed, idly picking at the knot in his sling, his face blotchy from crying. Evelyn sat the mug of tea down on the small side table near the bed and gently pulled Jack into her arms. He resisted at first, staying stiff as a board, but after a moment of inhaling the clean, comforting smell of his mother, Jack’s defenses broke. He cried hard into her shoulder, his sobs racking his body. She whispered soothing words into his ear and ran her fingers through his hair slowly while he cried.
After ten long minutes, Jack pushed back a bit and sniffed loudly. She smiled at him and handed him a small tissue pack that she had carried upstairs in her pocket. He blew his nose quickly. He looked down at her shoulder and his face creased again.
“What?” she asked.
“I cried all over your shirt Mom, I’m sorry” he said softly.
She gave a small chuckle. “Don’t worry about my shirt sweetheart. The more important thing is, are you feeling a bit better?”
Jack gave her a watery grin. “I still hurt and I can’t seem to stop crying.”
She shook her head slowly. “That’s to be expected. You’ve been through quite a bit these past few hours. I’m sending you with Angel in a little while to pick up your prescriptions. It’ll do you good to get some fresh air.”
“You’re going to talk to him aren’t you?” Jack asked, his head down.
Evelyn sighed. “Yes Jackie, I will be. It has to be done. You can’t sweep this under the rug and pretend that it’s all going to go away. You can’t run from this problem Jack.”
Jack shrugged awkwardly. “I know. But Mom…don’t yell too much ok? He loves me I know he does, and he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he just looses control sometimes” Jack said, his ears pink with embarrassment.
Evelyn nodded gravely. “I know all that sweetheart but the very problem is control. He must learn to control his anger.”
She stood up and then leaned over to place a kiss on the top of his head. “Go with Angel. I’ll see you soon.”
Jack stood up and headed for the door. “Bye Mom.”
She watched him head down the stairs, a sad smile on her face. She took a deep breath before heading to her own bedroom to face Bobby.
*****************************
Evelyn pushed open her bedroom door, her heart beating loudly in her ears. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, watching Bobby stare out the window, a sad, forlorn look on his face.
She waited patiently for him to acknowledge her. After a few minutes of silence, Bobby sighed quietly. She watched him slump forward a bit and found herself wondering what he was thinking.
“There comes a time when saying sorry is no longer enough Bobby” she said.
Bobby rested his head against the window frame. He dry swallowed against the hard lump that had formed in his throat.
“I never meant to hurt him” Bobby whispered.
“I know that you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done to Jack. But in order to stop hurting him, you need to face your own fears, your own anger. By hurting Jack, you hurt yourself” said Evelyn.
Bobby blinked rapidly then, ignoring as best he could the hot tears that gathered and burned under his lids.
“You’re slowly driving him towards a breakdown. He loves you like crazy Bobby, and he’s not about to leave you, despite what everyone tells him.”
Bobby whirled around, his eyes overly bright, hands balled into fists.
“He left me yesterday!” he snarled, the hurt clear in his voice.
“Only because you beat him until he feared for his life” Evelyn shot back, her own eyes bright with anger.
“I cannot stand by and allow you to do this to Jack. He deserves to be more than a convenient way for you to release your anger. Don’t you want Jack to be happy? Do you really want him to suffer, particularly at your hands?” Evelyn trailed off as she watched a look of horror slowly appear on Bobby’s face.
“I…do you think he wants to be with me or…or is he just too scared of me to leave?” Bobby asked, his breathing loud and fast, rasping in his ears.
Evelyn looked down at her hands. “I’d like to believe that it’s because he loves you so, Bobby.”
Bobby nodded shakily. He suddenly felt weak and feverish.
“Ma, I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t know how to change, to be what he needs me to be” he said as he swallowed rapidly over his rising nausea.
Evelyn made up her mind in that moment, deciding that Bobby needed to see something visual to drive the point home.
“Come with me Bobby. There are some people I’d like you to meet” she asked quietly.
Bobby’s head snapped upwards. “I ain’t going to no doctor” he said automatically.
Evelyn smiled sadly. “No doctors, I promise.”
She held out her hand as he grabbed his coat off the edge of the bed. He walked past her ignoring the outstretched hand. She closed the door behind her, her lips pressed tightly together. It would be a long car ride.
***********************
They drove in silence, neither feeling the need to speak. The tension between them was so thick that Evelyn found herself struggling to breathe. They pulled up in front of a non-descript building that seemed tired and faded around the edges.
Bobby eyed the building and snorted.
“So, what’s so fuckin’ special about here?” he said.
“Language, Bobby. You’ll see in a moment” Evelyn said as she locked her car door.
She knew that side of Bobby was protecting him from his own fear. She ignored the dirty look on his face and started up the cracked cement stairs. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he started up the stairs. Evelyn led them down a narrow hallway, nodding and smiling at some of the other women in the doorways and halls. Bobby trailed behind her feeling like a tag-along teenager all over again.
She stopped in front of a door marked ‘Private’, one hand resting on the doorknob. She turned to look at Bobby, her face deadly serious.
“I want you to keep your mouth closed the entire time that we’re here. I mean it Bobby, not one word.”
Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes. He nodded his head once, enough of an answer for Evelyn. She opened the door and motioned for him to follow her. They stepped into a mid size room that for the most part, resembled a hospital operating room. All necessary equipment, first aid supplies, a few wheelchairs, several pairs of crutches in one corner and what looked like a hospital bed.
Bobby glanced around the room, a sinking feeling in his stomach growing by the minute.
Evelyn chuckled dryly, sensing his unasked question. “Funding, my dear. It pays to know people that are connected to charities.”
Bobby blinked. He hadn’t realized just how involved his mother was in the various charities that she supported and volunteered in. He caught a bit of movement then out of the corner of his eye, coming from underneath the sheets on the bed.
Evelyn walked briskly to over to the emerging body on the bed. She leaned in closely and spoke softly to the woman under the covers. The woman struggled to pull herself up into a sitting position. Evelyn gently lifted her forwards so that she could move herself higher. As they moved, the sheets fell away from her body.
Bobby bit down hard on his lower lip as he saw the now revealed ropey, raw-looking new scars that covered her arms and upper neck. One eyelid drooped further than the other; her right ear seemed smaller than the left, until Bobby realized that it was because the top half was missing. Patches of her pair were missing, her face a wash of darkly colored bruises. Bobby choked on a horrified gasp, his eyes blinking furiously. The urge to scream was overwhelming his need to be sick.
Evelyn spoke with the woman again; taking no notice of Bobby’s slightly muffled gasps.
“Bobby, could you please step out of the room so I can speak to Jessica in private?” she asked calmly.
Bobby stumbled backwards, his legs heavy and awkward. He closed the door behind him, dizzy with the implication of what had happened to that woman. He slowly sat down on the ground near the door, his head hanging low. He breathed shallowly through his nose, slow, even breaths, just the way Evelyn had taught him.
A pained cry from one of the other rooms brought his head back up in a second. The cry died out a moment later. Bobby was about to close his eyes when he suddenly saw a small boy sitting across from him. The boy was hunched over, his light brown hair flopping over his eyes.
As Bobby studied the child, he realized that the child seemed so familiar to him. He cursed silently as he struggled with his memory. The boy looked up at him, his eyes dead, weary and far older looking than any child’s ever should be. A combination of fear and anger that Bobby remembered all too well from his own days of being a helpless child.
He felt a surge of satisfaction as he summoned the memory of the day he’d hit his foster parent back. The way the bone in his nose had crunched has satisfied his need to inflict pain. He shuddered abruptly as he recalled the sound Jack’s nose had made when he’d broken it the night before. The snapping sound echoed in his ears.
He observed the size of the bruise that covered the better part of the child’s face. ‘Bet that hurts’ he thought absently.
The boy stood up then, moving very slowly as though the very act of moving hurt every fiber of his being. He shuffled slowly towards Bobby. The paleness of the child’s face was unnerving. Bobby stood up; something about this silent child was spooking him badly. The boy stared up at him, his wide eyes so pain-filled. He reached for Bobby’s hand. Bobby felt the child’s cold fingers wrap around his, and in that moment he didn’t see a nameless, abused child, he saw Jack.
A small version of Jack that still screamed and pleaded for mercy each time he was beaten, a Jack who had yet to become accustomed to the punishments from his abusers, a child who had yet to learn the value of indifference, a child who wore no masks to protect his emotions and feelings. A child who was starved for any kind of affection or love. An older Jack who suffered at the hands of his lover, never doubting that in some way he deserved it.
Bobby let out a hoarse cry and dropped the child’s cold hand, the guilt overwhelming him, the nausea surging violently in his stomach. He gasped for breath, helpless against the images that flew through his mind. He heaved and swore violently as the colors on the child’s face blurred together until his vision was nothing but a garish rainbow.
He backed up and bumped into Evelyn just as she was coming out of the room. She took in Bobby’s pale, sweating face, and the child’s calm, blank expression. She knelt down and ran a comforting hand over the boy’s head.
“Well, hello there Joey. Have you come to visit your Mommy today?” she asked kindly.
Joey nodded slowly.
“Do you want me to bring you in to see her sweetheart?” she asked.
Another slow, silent nod.
“Alright then,” she said as she pushed the door open again. Bobby followed behind them, feeling like he was floating. She led Joey into the room and helped him on the chair by the bed.
“Here, I’ve brought a little surprise for you. I know how much you like dinosaurs, so here’s a few to help you start a collection” she said as she handed Joey a small cardboard box from her overly large handbag that had several plastic dinosaurs.
Joey gave her a tiny, fleeting smile that was gone in a flash. She walked over to Jessica and smoothed back the dull brown hair that hung in her face. She dropped a quick, motherly kiss on her forehead. When she went to put her purse back on her shoulder, Bobby watched with mild, detached amusement as Evelyn slyly slipped a twenty dollar bill in Jessica’s battered purse on the bedside table.
They left the room then, Bobby still thoroughly spooked by the odd visions that he’d had of Jack while holding Joey’s hand. Evelyn waited until they were in the car before speaking again.
“Jessica lived with her boyfriend for ten years. Joey is seven by the way” she said.
“…so small though” Bobby muttered. She nodded, her eyes soft with emotion.
“About three days ago, Jessica decided that she couldn’t live with the abuse anymore. He came home early and caught her packing. He…” she stumbled as she talked, the anger still evident in her voice.
“He grabbed a knife to her, pinned her down and took the knife to her arms and neck. He tried to …scalp her. That was when Joey attacked him. He hit him on the back of the head with a hammer. Several times.”
Bobby looked out the car window, swearing softly.
Evelyn turned to face Bobby, her eyes were wide with pain and anger, and just for a split second he saw Jack again.
“There’s one more thing I need to show you today” she said.
Bobby attempted to nod. His stomach rolling, he clenched his fingers into the arm rests as she started the car again.
******************************
They drove once again in muted silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. It was a silence that they both welcomed.
Evelyn turned the car off the main road and onto a smoothly paved, winding driveway. Bobby felt a distinct sense of unease as they passed row after row of headstones. As he stared at the passing rows, Bobby saw a group of mourners standing by a grave site. He felt a surge of pity for them. He’d never attended a funeral in his life and felt extremely uncomfortable around cemeteries.
Evelyn pulled the car over to the furthest side of the driveway. She turned the engine off and rested her hands on the wheel. Bobby waited a beat before leaning closer to her.
“Mom?” he croaked, his voice still hoarse from earlier.
“I’m fine dear. Come with me” she murmured before stepping out of the car. Bobby walked slightly behind Evelyn as she expertly led the way through a seemingly endless maze of graves. They came to a stop in front of a small section of graves, about thirty in total. In the middle of the gated section of the cemetery was a large concrete angel, her arms outstretched, and a heavenly smile on her face.
Bobby stood off to the side of the walkway, his hands deeply in his coat pockets as he watched Evelyn run her fingers over the inscription plate on the base of the statue. She turned to face him a moment later.
“This stone angel was created for the women’s shelter that I volunteer at. She watches over the ones who didn’t escape while I help the ones that did. It’s dedicated to an old friend of mine, Mary.” Evelyn sighed then, a heavy sigh full of regret.
She watched Bobby’s eyes to see if he was listening, really hearing what she was saying.
Bobby avoided meeting her eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the anger and the hurt that must have been in her eyes. “So…uh what happened to Mary, Mom?” he asked hesitantly.
Evelyn thought for a moment before speaking. “Mary was the kindest person that I’ve ever known. Smart and brave, a loyal friend, kind to a fault and a good mother. And yet she was foolish in believing that her husband would ever let her leave him. She finally did try to leave him the day after she caught him beating their three year old son. He found her a month later.”
Evelyn broke off again as a sob rose in her throat, the memories so awful to relive. She pressed one hand against her mouth. Bobby stepped closer to her, one arm haltingly raising to hug her, to offer some form of comfort. She breathed slowly before beginning again.
“He dragged her out of the shelter one morning. How he found her, we’ll never know. She was missing for over half a day before we found her body on the shelter’s doorstep. She was…virtually unrecognizable, she’d been beaten so severely. On the news that night, we learned that he’d put a gun to his head in the middle of the police station lobby after announcing what he had done earlier that day. I suppose the guilt was eating away at him, and he couldn’t find a way to cope with it.”
She wiped at her eyes with a hanker chief. “I brought Mary’s son home with me until he was ready to be adopted. He still writes me once a year, usually around Christmastime. He’s a good boy, Mary would have been so proud.”
She cried little then, silent tears that zigzagged across her cheeks. She stepped back a bit from Bobby and looked him closely in the eye.
“I brought you here and to the shelter today to show you what can happen, Your anger Bobby, it controls you. You have to be strong enough to ride out your fury,” she said.
Bobby began to speak. “No, let me finish” Evelyn interrupted.
Bobby frowned at the stern expression on her face.
“I won’t let what happened to Mary happen to Jack. I know that you love him, never question that Bobby, but your kind of love could cost Jack his life. I’ll help you find the guidance you need, I’ll help you both every step of the way. But know this, you will not lay even one finger on him in anger again. Do you understand?” she asked firmly.
Bobby blinked away more tears that threatened to choke him, wiping furiously at the stray ones that rolled down his cheeks.
“Promise me Bobby, promise!” she said.
“I…I promise,” he whispered brokenly. “On his love…and mine,” he added.
Evelyn pulled him into a hard hug. “I’ll never stop loving you Bobby, but Lord how you try my patience,” she said as she hugged him, rocking slightly.
Bobby barked out a short laugh at that. “You’re the only one who never gave up on me, Ma” he said softly.
“Hey, look at me,” she said. Bobby met her eyes reluctantly.
“Would I ever give up on any of my boys?” she asked as they turned to head back to the car.
“No” Bobby said. “Damn right,” she said.
Bobby begged off from going back to the house right away. He could feel his slim control over his emotions slipping. “God, I need a drink,” he mumbled as he nearly ran into the nearest bar, his heart aching with new knowledge.
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Bobby stared blankly into his nearly empty beer bottle. He had long since lost count of how many he’d consumed since stumbling into the bar four hours earlier, his mother’s words still loudly ringing in his ears. He uttered a short cry that tried to be a sound of laughter as he studied his bottle. He couldn’t seem to block her voice, her soft voice that was loaded with disappointment, anger and sadness.
A few of the other people sitting at tables close by gave him a cursory glance when he gave his bizarre laugh. He ignored the stares and focused on finishing his beer. The table was covered in bottles. Bobby strained his bleary eyes and attempted to count them all. After 3 tries in a row, he gave up and decided that it was high time that he had another drink. He staggered up to the bar, weaving dangerously close to the other tables.
The bartender was reading a beat up newspaper, tapping one foot absently as he avoided making eye contact with Bobby. He recognized Bobby all too well. Fucker had started more than a few fights in the bar, making a scene every so often, getting completely shit faced. He struggled to ignore Bobby’s impatient sigh.
Bobby watched the bartender ignore him for a few moments before his anger started to rear its ugly head. “Hey, how ‘bout some service huh!” he yelled, waving a bill in the guy’s direction.
The bartender sighed. The worst ones always came in on his shift. ‘Fuck’ he thought. “Whatcha want now Mercer?” he said as he walked over. Bobby glared at him.
“Can the shit and gimme a bottle of JD” he snapped. The bartender’s eyebrows rose.
“Y’know it’s not a good idea to pour Jack Daniels over ten beers right?” he said cautiously. He supposed it probably wasn’t the best idea to keep serving Bobby, but he remembered the last time he’d tried to refuse to serve him. He fingered the scar on his left arm, close to his elbow; fucker has sliced him good with his pocketknife.
“I appreciate your concern” Bobby drawled sarcastically. “Now give me the fuckin’ bottle.”
“Fine” he said as he grabbed the nearest bottle from the shelf. Bobby dropped the bill beside the bartender’s open palm and snagged the bottle before he could blink.
“Your customer service skills are excellent as always.” Bobby said sourly as he wobbled back to his table. The bartender walked back over to his paper.
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit” he muttered with disgust.
Bobby sat back down at his table, his legs shaking as he sat. He ripped the cap top off carelessly, bringing the bottle straight to his mouth. He gulped down three large swallows, the alcohol burning all the way down his throat. He licked his lips, leaned back in his chair and studied the bottle.
“Drinking will only make this more difficult Bobby” said a soft voice in his ear.
Bobby jumped in his seat and whipped his head around frantically looking for the voice. Seeing no one, he took another long pull from the bottle and gasped aloud as it burned a new trail down his throat.
“When’s drinking ever helped you along Bobby?” the voice said again.
“Who the fuck said that!” Bobby yelled, blinking rapidly as he scanned the room.
A sigh. “I’m right behind you.”
Bobby turned around so quickly that he almost fell off his chair. “Jerry?!”
Jerry glanced at the bottles that covered almost every available spot on the table and shook his head slowly. He sat on the chair opposite to Bobby and folded his arms. He frowned then as he watched Bobby take a deep swallow from his bottle. He waited till Bobby swallowed before sighing again.
“I’m starting to wonder if you ever listen” he said. Bobby stared at the table, a bored look on his face.
“Look Jerry, I don’t need this shit right now. You don’t understand, and I ain’t arguing with you about this anymore. Me and Jack, we aren’t gonna put this right if you guys keep butting your heads in” he said.
Jerry knotted his fingers tightly and drummed them lightly on the table. ‘You can throttle him in private’ he said to himself as he searched for what to say.
“One talk with Angel isn’t enough to make it clear obviously. If you’re in a bar drowning your sorrows, then you haven’t been listenin’ Bobby” he said, his voice heavy with sadness.
Bobby just stared at the table, the tips of his ears turning pink with embarrassment. His brothers had found him in worse situations then just being drunk in a bar, but at that moment, he’d never felt more child like and frustrated. Jerry suppressed a smile as he watched the blood flow to Bobby’s ears. ‘Just like Jack’s’ he thought, laughing silently.
“First I get Angel tellin’ me where to go, then Ma, and now you, who else you got lined up?” Bobby snarled.
“Man, you just don’t fuckin’ get it. You think we don’t understand and yeah ok, for me especially I don’t get it, but you ain’t the only one who doesn’t understand.” Jerry snapped.
“What you’ve got with Jack doesn’t seem right. That boy loves you to the end, and all you do is beat him up and control him and…”
“I don’t control him!” Bobby interrupted as the pinkness spread over his ears to his cheeks. Jerry nodded at him with a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Oh yeah, you do. You don’t even have to say the word, Jack’s already jumpin’ to please you; you say jump and he asks ‘how high’, that just isn’t right” said Jerry.
Bobby stared at the table as if he wanted to burn a hole clear through it. He swallowed awkwardly over the large lump in his throat. “I just wanted to help him, I never meant to hurt him” he whispered.
Jerry nodded his head in agreement. “I know you weren’t trying to hurt him, but Bobby this time you could have killed him. What’s it gonna take for you to go too far?”
Bobby shuddered at the thought. “I…I didn’t know…it was like a haze, y’know. One minute we were both yelling, and the next I was bea…hitting him and my hands were covered with his blood. Like a curtain was lifted or some shit.”
“God, I can still feel it on my fingers” he said as he gagged with memory.
Jerry winced as he pictured the beaten face that he’d seen, still with blood. He let out a long sigh. “Bobby, you aren’t helping Jack by drowning in this dump. Come back to the house with me.”
Bobby shook his head, the motions making him dizzy. “No, I just can’t right now. ‘Sides, Jack doesn’t wanna see me. Fuck, I wouldn’t wanna see me right now if I was him.” He dropped his face into his hands, muffling his words.
“He hates me.”
Jerry stood up. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
After Bobby remained silent, still hiding his face, Jerry placed one hand on his shoulder. “At least let me help you back to your place then. You don’t look so hot man.”
Bobby struggled to get to his feet. “Jack always does” he muttered as he swiped one hand over his face. Jerry rolled his eyes and held back a snort of laughter.
“Uh huh, let’s get some coffee into you Romeo” he said as he helped Bobby out of the bar. The other regulars gave a sigh of relief as the two left.