I think that married men in general are extremely resistant to changing. They are socially empowered to demand that their families, and often larger portions of their worlds, should adjust to them. They get trained in not-pying-ttention and not-noticing as defenses against doing any reasonable portion of the household production, physical, social and emotional. They are also trained to use a wide variety of diversionary and time-from-the-minions-demanding techniques-- and in sincerely believing that using these shows that they're trying to be Menschen, which of course shows what terrific Menschen they are.
I not-infrequently read of men becoming better partners as they reach sixty or so-- I wonder whether finding themselves often less privileged induces empathy?
I´m still getting so much out of your writing about your life, Bob! It seems you are able to bring a lot of the atmosphere alive through your writing. How does it make you feel? I mean ... an autistic person isn´t exactly happy about talking about feelings and personal stuff, right? Or is it in some way a healing process as well?
An autistic mathematician was asked by his wife: "What would you do if i said was leaving you>" He thought for a moment and replied: "I would probably say something like, 'Goodbye, Dear.'" I can relate to that. But i can also relate to being totally crushed and unreconcilably unhappy,
Writing is bringing forth memories i didn't know i had..
Its not a painful process, though parts of my life embarrass me.
Yes, i think it is healing. I recommend it, though it might be best to keep it to oneself.
In the beginning of my conversion to Islam, I thought I was blessed to find a Compassionate God, but there is a lot of condemnation of non-muslims in Quran and all but the perfect Muslims going to "hellfire". There are a couple verses and sayings of the prophet that say the opposite...that God forgives almost everything. The only thing God supposedly doesn't forgive is having "partners with God". But there are so many ways of looking at that and I think it can still be used in a way that judgmental ppl send good ppl to hell. As if they have that power
( ... )
Thank you. Because Zen Buddhism is so much like Taoism and vice versa and i know there people who refer to themselves as "zen Taoists." i wonder why i have never been very attracted to Buddhism. I think it is because i have a much better chance of running into "real" Buddhists who can tell me that i am wrong in this or that belief or incorrect in this or that practice. I don't believe there is a Taoist sage within 400 miles in any direction. I am a person who needs his own path and almost prefers that others don't share it, So my mistakes are mine and not God's or those of any other person. This way the unwise acts of wise people cannot throw me or disappoint me. So i find that the Buddha did not think much of women, well, poor Buddha, too bad he got that wrong. So Christians have turned the gentle Jesus into some kind of apocalyptic warrior, i feel sorry for them, but they neither disappoint me nor convince me. Al-Anon allowed me to "take what i needed and leave the rest for others who need it."
"I am a person who needs his own path and almost prefers that others don't share it, So my mistakes are mine and not God's or those of any other person. This way the unwise acts of wise people cannot throw me or disappoint me."
This strikes me as beautiful and profoundly relevant to myself as well, though I have not thought of it quite like that before. Thank you again for sharing your words and perspectives.
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It is great to see Jessie Bernard cited!
I think that married men in general are extremely resistant to changing. They are socially empowered to demand that their families, and often larger portions of their worlds, should adjust to them. They get trained in not-pying-ttention and not-noticing as defenses against doing any reasonable portion of the household production, physical, social and emotional. They are also trained to use a wide variety of diversionary and time-from-the-minions-demanding techniques-- and in sincerely believing that using these shows that they're trying to be Menschen, which of course shows what terrific Menschen they are.
I not-infrequently read of men becoming better partners as they reach sixty or so-- I wonder whether finding themselves often less privileged induces empathy?
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I would concur.
But still pondering the last sentence,
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How does it make you feel? I mean ... an autistic person isn´t exactly happy about talking about feelings and personal stuff, right?
Or is it in some way a healing process as well?
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Writing is bringing forth memories i didn't know i had..
Its not a painful process, though parts of my life embarrass me.
Yes, i think it is healing. I recommend it, though it might be best to keep it to oneself.
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Because Zen Buddhism is so much like Taoism and vice versa and i know there people who refer to themselves as "zen Taoists." i wonder why i have never been very attracted to Buddhism. I think it is because i have a much better chance of running into "real" Buddhists who can tell me that i am wrong in this or that belief or incorrect in this or that practice. I don't believe there is a Taoist sage within 400 miles in any direction. I am a person who needs his own path and almost prefers that others don't share it, So my mistakes are mine and not God's or those of any other person. This way the unwise acts of wise people cannot throw me or disappoint me. So i find that the Buddha did not think much of women, well, poor Buddha, too bad he got that wrong. So Christians have turned the gentle Jesus into some kind of apocalyptic warrior, i feel sorry for them, but they neither disappoint me nor convince me. Al-Anon allowed me to "take what i needed and leave the rest for others who need it."
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This strikes me as beautiful and profoundly relevant to myself as well, though I have not thought of it quite like that before. Thank you again for sharing your words and perspectives.
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