Brigit's Flame: Tragically Hip

[blythe025]

TITLE: haven't thought of one yet
PROMPT: Tragically HIp
WORD COUNT: 1,384
NOTES: This is my week one entry for January's brigits_flame. Some violence, some swearing.

Claire knew the party was over when she heard the first scream.

She should have heard the heavy thumping of a body slamming into a solid wood door and the tearing of the wood splintering. But the

Comments

[layer]

nice! i really like it. great flow and descriptions and the last line is perfect.

[blythe025]

Thank you! I appreciate it, as I'm not as comfortable writing stories.

[ex_naomi_ja]

That's a great last line! Definitely makes me want to read on.

[blythe025]

Thanks! I'm planning to work on it more this week, so I should finish up this portion of the storyline at least.

[giinabiina]

Loved this! You explained all of the actions in a very easy-to-read way. I had a great time reading it.

Nice work :)

[blythe025]

Thank you for reading. I'm so glad you liked it. :)

[keppiehed]

Ha! I totally didn't see that coming. It was great! Wonderful last line; way to surprise and bring life to a story. Fun stuff!

[blythe025]

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. :)

edit part 1

[belager]

Hi, I'm your editor for this week. Sorry I'm a little late

edit part 2

[belager]

Other Specific Comments

Re: edit part 2

[blythe025]

Thank you so much for your very thorough edits! I really appreciate your taking the time to read and to put so much thought into your comments. :)

I can certainly see what you mean about description of characters and the rooms. I was having trouble describing the house, because I'm still working out the layout of the house -- very important for understanding the movement of the action.