Comments | blurredinks: 012. Ghostly Film

blurredinks

012. Ghostly Film - Pokemon- Red, Kris

Oct 27, 2010 21:05

Title: Ghostly Film
Fandom: Pokemon [Gameverse]
Characters: Red, Kris, Lyra, Green, mention of Leaf [Can be read as Red/Kris]
Genre: Horror/Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Character Death and the tiniest of violence
Summary: Something is wrong with his challenger but Red can’t see what is it. Written for pokeprompts's monthly blitz challenge: Periphery.
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character: green, fandom: pokemon, character: kris, character: lyra, character: leaf, character: red

Comments 2

snoaz November 1 2010, 11:56:46 UTC

This was so creepy and I loved it. Especially the ending, with only Kris's voice... that was just -- yeah.

I do question that Red would really be able to mistake Lyra for Kris (it makes him kind of... dumb?) but I'll blame that on the cold of Mt. Silver. Besides, it gives us great horror so I won't complain!

Criticism would be that the middle part went on for a bit too long, my attention waned a little there (I feel like it was a bit of a repetition? Even though that might have been your intention). Still, all in all I really like the concept of this. It is creepy, and has this wistful tone to it that I like. So a good fill!

Mistakes:

She doesn’t understand him, and her battling skills are not on par with him own. his own

It continues this way for months; She wins against him in a familiar, thrilling way and then she’s weak and off-game. months; she wins

akumugan November 1 2010, 13:54:16 UTC

This was so creepy and I loved it. Especially the ending, with only Kris's voice... that was just -- yeah. You just made my day. *__*

Originally this was supposed to be called 'Snow Mirage' but that either seemed to 'blah' as a title or too 'obvious' about the plot. Red is supposed to be having delusions. I used 'ghostly film' instead because I took the word film, as something over your eyes and filtering what you see, and ghostly as well, he 'sees' Kris, who has been dead for quite some time. xD;; (Also, Lyra is Kris' replacement in HGSS so I used that as another idea for 'mistaking' Lyra for Kris. xD)

The reptitition was indeed intentional. It was meant to reinforce how normal it was for him 'seeing' Kris and battling Lyra thinking she's Kris. But in the end, you see Red how abnormal it is and he doesn't like it at all. :)
But thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! 8D

Awesome, less mistakes time around! :) I'll fix them soon.