You demand perfection from yourself, but you are human. Perfection is an Opinion (since when is your opinion more right than someone elses? since when is it less like an asshole?). We are all just doing our best. Try not to hold others to the extrememly high and potentially unreachable standards you hold yourself to. We are all human. This man also, is human.
He didn't want to disappoint you or fuck up his chances with you so he dragged his feet on the smoking thing. If I was dating an awesome chic I was totally into and she hated smokers, I'd be tenitive in the telling too.
Maybe he knows you incredibly high standards and is intimidated to give you a homemade gift. Maybe he thinks it has to be exactly right. Maybe he is nervous and scared too. Take a deep breath. You are human, too, my lovely friend.
Come on! It's Christmas eve. The person you've been dating 3+ months who you've recently forgiven for not telling you about smoking DOES NOT HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU. That frickin' hurts, man. Christmas is Dec. 25th every year. It's not a high standard to anticipate a present on that day, especially after having a discussion about it.
The smoking/not telling me thing I understand. It's failing at the very next opportunity to make an effort and show me he cares that blows my mind. Nervous, scared, wanting it to be exactly right are all understandable feelings, but don't I get to feel disappointed and undervalued here?
Damn right I'm scared of intimacy. I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to be in a long relationship with this one right now. Admittedly, it strikes a nerve. I don't want to find myself a doormat after years of devotion (like with the last two long-termers). If I can detect a forewarning, I heed it. Am I always right? I'll never know, but I'll also not find out the hard way. This shit ain't easy.
don't measure this person against someone (or many someones) else's past failings. It isn't fair. I understand self-protection and using experience to gauge the present but sometimes it shouldn't apply. This guy's been really sweet and thoughtful up to this point, I can't help but feel he deserves a little slack. Do you want to be compared to his past girlfriends?
Did he pony up with the gift? was it as thoughtful as he's shown himself to be in the past?
I'm sorry you were hurt by the lack of a gift but there are so many possiblities for the lack of it, what was his reason?
Fair enough. No, I definitely do not want to be compared to his ex gfs (or mother, for that matter). Yes, he's been stellar so far, but the last two weeks or so he's sort of melt down. I don't know what's going on, and, unfortunately, neither does he.
Still no gift. The excuse is he had something store bought in mind, but when I suggested handmade he choked (and failed to voice his side). There is supposedly a gift in the works, but he didn't want to give me something rushed or incomplete. The absence of a gift continues to suck.
Comments 5
You demand perfection from yourself, but you are human. Perfection is an Opinion (since when is your opinion more right than someone elses? since when is it less like an asshole?). We are all just doing our best. Try not to hold others to the extrememly high and potentially unreachable standards you hold yourself to. We are all human. This man also, is human.
He didn't want to disappoint you or fuck up his chances with you so he dragged his feet on the smoking thing. If I was dating an awesome chic I was totally into and she hated smokers, I'd be tenitive in the telling too.
Maybe he knows you incredibly high standards and is intimidated to give you a homemade gift. Maybe he thinks it has to be exactly right. Maybe he is nervous and scared too. Take a deep breath. You are human, too, my lovely friend.
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The smoking/not telling me thing I understand. It's failing at the very next opportunity to make an effort and show me he cares that blows my mind. Nervous, scared, wanting it to be exactly right are all understandable feelings, but don't I get to feel disappointed and undervalued here?
Damn right I'm scared of intimacy. I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to be in a long relationship with this one right now. Admittedly, it strikes a nerve. I don't want to find myself a doormat after years of devotion (like with the last two long-termers). If I can detect a forewarning, I heed it. Am I always right? I'll never know, but I'll also not find out the hard way. This shit ain't easy.
Reply
Did he pony up with the gift? was it as thoughtful as he's shown himself to be in the past?
I'm sorry you were hurt by the lack of a gift but there are so many possiblities for the lack of it, what was his reason?
Reply
Still no gift. The excuse is he had something store bought in mind, but when I suggested handmade he choked (and failed to voice his side). There is supposedly a gift in the works, but he didn't want to give me something rushed or incomplete. The absence of a gift continues to suck.
Reply
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