J2 Fic, Broken 5A/6
Title: Broken
Authors: Blueeyedliz, Heatherofnight, Scarlettraven9
Summary: Jared was trying to escape the past by going away to college. With the help of his friend Chad and a hot waiter named Jensen, he might just be able to live again.
Word Count: 2,385 (part 5A)
Rating: NC/17 - bad language and violent scenes including implied non-con (although the violence is part of a back-story and only made referance to.)
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Disclaimer: None of us own Jared or Jensen or any of the recognizable names used and no disrespect is intended. We just like to play, a lot.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4
Part Five (A)
The room is dark except for one small lamp and Jared is laid in his bed, fast asleep. Wrapped up tight in the thick goose-down comforter his mom made him take to college. Even though California is the sunshine state it seemed to ease the worry in her face to know Jared had something which screamed ‘home comforts’ with him. His hair has been dried and he looks calm, peaceful in a way which makes Chad’s eyes sting a touch.
Dr. Morgan coughs quietly, clears his throat. “I’ve given him a mild sedative, just something to help him get some sleep.”
“He’s okay?”
“He was talking to me and that’s a good sign. I want to see him again in the morning, eight o’clock.” Dr. Morgan glances down at his wrist-watch and when he sees the late hour, he scowls at it. “Make that ten o’clock. Can you try and make sure he keeps his appointment?”
Dr. Morgan leaves with a sad smile and Chad goes back outside to speak to Jensen, who he’s pretty sure must be wearing a groove into the carpet with all his pacing by now.
-0-
Jensen knows it's crazy - after all he's only been on one date with the guy and that ended with Jared fleeing from him in terror - but he needs to see Jared with his own eyes, see that he's okay.
He turns imploring eyes on Chad who at this moment with his arms crossed, hair standing on end and bloodshot eyes, mostly resembles a pit-bull guarding a junkyard. But Jensen has to try. He no longer even knows why this person who he hardly knows is so important but he is and that's all Jensen has to go on at the moment.
Since Jensen turned eighteen, he thinks his life has been nothing but wasted opportunities and aimless drifting. Sure, he's taking classes and he's having fun but he's been spinning his wheels...working at Mo's, and still without a declared major.
But with Jared he feels like he can maybe make a difference. They have that spark, a connection, and Jensen is willing to fight for it. Maybe it won't pan out and he'll be left seeking a new crush next semester but for now Jared's the only thing he has on his mind.
He wants to smile, to show Chad he's a good guy, but he can't quite make his lips turn upward. Instead he nervously clears his throat. "Ah, I know you don't know me well but do you think I could see Jared for a moment? Just to make sure he's okay? I just, you know, need to see him."
As far as impassioned speeches go it's pretty lame but it's late and it's the best he's got. Chad is shaking his head no and Jensen refuses to take no for an answer. This is too important.
The sun-kissed blond has at least uncrossed his arms. But his words aren't what Jensen needs to hear. "Dude, no. I'm sorry. I've already let Jared down tonight. I don't want him waking up and freaking out because you're looming over him. Maybe tomorrow."
Jensen can dig his heels in with the best of them. "Chad, please. I'm not going to wake him up. I just...I like him. A lot. And the look he gave me before he ran out of the diner...I just want to know that he's really in there, really sleeping. He won't even know I'm here."
He senses that Chad is at least considering his words, the blond's eyes are nervously darting toward the door. And then Chad's stomach grumbles so loudly that both guys jump.
Taking charge of the situation, Jensen throws his arm around Chad's shoulder. A little sympathy will go a long way. "Go, grab something out of the vending machine. You've had a rough night, too. I promise I won't do anything to freak Jared out while you're gone and I'll take off as soon as you get back."
Chad nods his head in agreement and then he's heading down the hallway, leaving Jensen to slip into the room.
Jared's lying on his side, facing the door, his hands curling under his cheek. He looks angelic, with his long black lashes fanning his pale curved cheek and the sweep of his bangs tousled on his forehead.
Jensen can finally breathe easy. Jared's okay. He even looks peaceful.
Glancing over his shoulder to make sure Jared's watchdog isn't back on duty, Jensen approaches the bed and can't keep his fingers from lightly stroking Jared's soft silky hair.
He doesn't mean to, he promised not to do anything other than make sure Jared is okay, but his fingers slide down and touch the smooth, pale cheek.
He holds his breath as the long lashes flutter and then sleepy hazel eyes peer up at him through a curtain of chestnut hair. "Jensen?"
Jensen releases the pent up breath. Jared isn't freaking out and he recognizes him. His heart beat picks up its pace.
A hand curled under Jared's face emerges and rubs at half mast eyes. "Is that really you or am I dreaming?"
Jensen wants to haul Jared into his arms and hug him. He's actually contemplating doing that when someone clears his voice from behind him. "I thought you weren't going to wake him?"
Peering over his shoulder, Jensen shrugs his shoulders sheepishly. "Sorry, he just woke up."
Jared is struggling to lever himself up on his elbows and Jensen slides his arm around his back to bolster him up. His crush doesn't struggle or flinch, in fact he relaxes back against Jensen's arm. "Chad? What's going on?"
Chad glares at Jensen for a split second before he's pasting a smile on his face and approaching Jared's bed. "Dr. Morgan gave you something to sleep. We're going to see him tomorrow morning. Why don't you close your eyes and try to get some shut-eye."
Jared's back tenses under Jensen's touch and then the tall body is hunching forward, head resting on bent knees. "Oh, God. I'm so embarrassed. Can I call a do-over?"
Jensen is rubbing circles of comfort on Jared's tight back. He glances at Chad for cues on what to do and realizes the blond is just as baffled as he is. He's not sure if he should keep his mouth shut but the tight muscles bunching under his hand are worrisome. "What do you mean, call a do-over? Everything's fine."
The shiny head turns, still resting on bent knees, and peers up at Jensen. "But I took off on you. And now you know about...now you know. I just...everything was going so good and then I spazzed out."
The younger man's voice is slurring a bit, the vowels in his speech exaggerated, and Chad resumes control of the situation. "Jared, really, everything's fine. Jensen came to say goodnight to you. We'll go to breakfast at Mo's before we go to your appointment. You can see Jensen then, okay? But right now we all need to get some sleep."
There's a note of jagged desperation in Chad's voice but Jared doesn't seem to pick up on it. He's shifting back down, snuggling deeper into Jensen's arms. "Thanks for tonight. It was special to me. And I'm sorry, you know, 'bout the rest."
Jensen cradles the warm, sleepy body against his for just a moment and then he's lowering Jared to the soft surface.
He might be pushing his luck but he wants Jared to know how special he is to him. And Jensen was denied giving Jared a goodnight kiss.
He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to the top of the head resting on the pillow. Before he can straighten up, Jared is clutching on to the back of his head and pulling his head back down.
Jared lightly brushes his lips against Jensen's and Jensen can't help but sigh with contentment.
The younger man clearly has a lot of issues to tackle but at least he seems to feel the same way about Jensen as Jensen does him. And Jensen can wait. Jared's worth it.
"Sweet dreams, Jared."
Jensen is afraid to meet Chad's eyes so he makes a beeline for the door. "Hey, wait."
Chad has grabbed on to his upper arm and holds him in place. Resigned to the tongue lashing he knows he deserves, Jensen finally looks up into the blond's face. "Thanks for stopping by tonight. I can see why Jared thinks you're something special. And I think you're good for him. But if you ever hurt him..."
Chad's voice trails off, his threat implied.
Message received.
"I'm working the morning shift at Mo's. I'll see you then."
And then Jensen turns on the afterburners and flees the room. He's afraid if he stays any longer, the subtle truce between he and Chad will be broken.
He already can't wait to see Jared. Fortunately, tomorrow morning is almost here.
-0-
Jared wakes to morning light flooding in through the window. Soft rays of sunshine spill languidly across the stack of beer cans sitting on the windowsill and fall on a crumpled pair of grass-stained jeans abandoned on the floor. It's kind of beautiful in a way Jared doesn’t normally take the time to appreciate. Life, nature, and the way it continues. Even when, in Jared's mind, everything had felt like it was ending last night a new day has dawned just the same.
It’s early so it’s relatively quiet in the dorm. Jared sits up slowly and with some effort. He's groggy and his head feels like it weighs more than a whole herd of elephants who need to spend a summer at Fat Camp.
Chad is ko’ed across his own bed, on top of the covers and upside down with his feet tucked under his pillow. He’s still wearing the t-shirt and boxers he had on last night. Chad’s snoring and the corners of his mouth are stained orange with Doritos dust but it’s not a surprising sight for Jared. Chad looks exactly like he did when he was a slobby slacker fifteen-year-old; Jared seems to remember Chad having a fondness for late night snacks even back then.
Jared lowers his feet down onto the carpet, wiggles his toes into the soft weave then stands up. He takes a few shaky steps towards the bathroom before deciding he should be able to make it without resorting to going down on his hands and knees and crawling the rest of the way.
The bathroom light is painfully bright as Jared pads inside and closes the door carefully behind him. He spits into the sink and stands leaning over it with his head hanging down. Last night was...last night was a disaster.
He runs the faucet, letting the water go from cold to positively Arctic before splashing his face. Today things are clearer; he can actually breathe without feeling a sensation like he’s being buried under an avalanche of dark thoughts. The dark thoughts are still there of course, but they’re quieter and there’s one good thought in residence too now. A good thought, whose voice is loud enough to drown the dark thoughts out.
Jensen.
Jared cups a handful of the icy water to his lips and swallows. Then, without any hesitation, he swiftly yanks his t-shirt off, up and over his head. He hasn't wanted to look at his own body for so long, it takes a few drawn out minutes before he can lift his eyes to the mirror to study his reflection. After last night, he knows there are no scars but actually seeing the proof of it for himself is a whole different experience.
The flesh across his chest is pink, tight and shiny from the skin graft but there's no evidence of his self-mutilation.
Jared still can't quite believe that he was the one who cut into his chest. He certainly can't remember it and wonders vaguely whether he must have blanked it out somehow. Those terrible days, which followed his discharge from hospital after the attack, are still wrapped in a haze. Half-formed memories of not eating, barely sleeping. Of pain and tears and the soul-destroying knowledge that the fine details of his attack were being whispered behind his back. Not only by his frantically worried family members but also by the folks in town and by kids at his school as well.
Even the guy he'd outed himself for, Michael, hadn't been able to cope. Not with the vicious rumours flying around and not when Jared had needed him the most. Jared had shut himself away from his family, from Chad. He hadn't hated the men that had hurt him; he'd hated himself. And it's only now that Jared's beginning to realize how wrong he'd been.
Suddenly, there's a shuffling sound coming from the bedroom and Jared hears Chad's voice, muffled and thick with sleep. "Ugh. Dude, my mouth tastes like I spent last night licking out a cat-litter box. What time is...Jared?" Chad's voice changes from half-hearted amusement to panicky in a split second.
"Jared?" This time Jared's name is accompanied by a loud banging at the bathroom door. "Jared? Shit! Right, dude, I'm kicking the door down so you'd better not be jerking off in there."
Jared reaches for the lock and opens the bathroom door at exactly the same time as Chad's foot swings forward. The sole of Chad's foot connects with Jared's stomach and Jared bends double with a grunted "oomph." Jared clutches his stomach and peers up at Chad through his bangs, giving him his best 'what the fuck?' face.
"Sorry, man, sorry. I thought...I guess, I thought..."
"That I'd done myself in?" Jared asks incredulously and he's almost ready to be pissed off until he sees the lines around Chad's eyes. Reminds himself how much Chad has sacrificed for their friendship, after all, Chad had friends at high school too and he cut those ties pretty damn fast for Jared's sake. "I'm fine. Really, you don't need to worry about me."
Chad raises an eyebrow, then softens and smirks. He gives Jared a gentle shove out the door. "Great. Well, get out of here because I gotta piss and you're buying me breakfast."
-0-
Continue to Part 5B.