(Untitled)

[bluedragon716]

I've been revisting the 'Jase' story that I was working on a while ago and I've done some editing and added a bit but I'm still stuck for an ending. I was thinking about entering it (if I can finish it in the next month) into the PRISM contest at UBC (here for more details) So I'd really appreciate it if you guys could do a read through and just

Comments

[airaloki]

As before, I am at a loss. I still have no idea, but thought that I'd point this out:

She offered him some a drink and sooner than Jase could have expected, he was sitting in front of the gas fireplace, sipping some very excellent brandy.

[bluedragon716]

oops thanks. but other than the like non editing...any ideas? for like ending type activities?

[darreldoomvomit]

"pretty in a preoccupied way" is kind of awkward. was the whole face over shoulder thing there before? i think you need more development to get a title. its awesome, but not much is going on, y'know? or like, stuff is going on we don't know about. thats more likely eh? anywho. yeah.

[bluedragon716]

yeah this is the point in the story where Alexandra explains all the stuff that's going on that we don't know about. Except I don't know what it is....
and yes the face was always there.