I'm not kidding about that content warning.
Content warning for death.
Life is a hell of a ride, isn't it? It's been a month and a half of school so far, and that's been been a blur of busyness but going fine. The pups are still getting older and both need to visit the vet this week, but they're fine. D had what we thought were some issues with medication side effects and a weird case of thrush that came up, but he was fine right up until we took him into the ER a week ago Tuesday night for pretty significant dehydration from the aforementioned side effects. He was declared dead at 7:15 the next morning.
He'd had some extra protein in his urine and a kidney specialist had put him on steroids and water pills to help with that although they didn't know the actual cause. The water pills hadn't been fun, but he'd had an appointment a week before and he had another one of Wednesday afternoon and hopefully there were going to be some answers, or at least a different approach to treatment.
What we didn't know is that at some point he had become diabetic. It turns out that it's possible for a human to have a sugar count of 2,200 and still be alive.
No, there isn't an extra 2 or 0 in there. Two thousand two hundred. I have yet to talk to anyone who has seen that kind of number before. For those who don't know anything about sugar counts: normal is 80-120. 300 is high. The meters in the ER go up to 500 and that's the point they put you in Intensive Care. They literally thought the lab results were an error the first time and re-ran the test twice.
He was dehydrated and his electrolytes were trashed. The water pills were the main problem, but the thrush - which was being treated, he was on day 2 of 3 - had been rough for a couple days before that and hadn't resolved yet so he hadn't been eating or drinking much since even water tasted horrible. He'd discovered the only thing not horrible was sweet and cold, like orange juice, soda, and Wendy's Frostys. The amount of sugar he had Tuesday evening didn't raise any flags because no one knew he was diabetic. He hadn't been able to eat much, so a sugar high seemed a small price to pay for easy calories and fluids. The thrush would start to resolve, he'd go to his kidney doctor appointment, hopefully get put on a different treatment for the mystery protein, and get sent for IV fluids and electrolytes. He'd be feeling 100% better in a day or two.
Even after we knew how bad it was, we thought everything was going to be fine. He was in the ICU, we caught it in time, they just had to drop it slowly and stand over him while it happened. He was going to have to recover for a while. Quality of kidney function afterward was an open question, but just diet and exercise with monitoring was still a possibility. It was all going to be a scary as hell memory, but fine. Then it all went to hell very, very quickly.
Then, suddenly, I had a funeral to plan.
We buried his body yesterday. Since October 3rd I've spent my time weeping, sobbing, laughing, numb, and pretty much everything in-between. I can't take all the credit for the funeral - his family did a hell of a lot - but there was that, the few classes I managed to get to, the excused absence(s) and extensions I arranged for, the many phone calls, the truly staggering amount of social interactions that needed to happen, roughly a thousand hugs, and the frantic search for answers to questions like "can I pay the bills? what money do I have access to? what the hell is probate anyway? what all is in his name??"
The trick here is I have access to all our money (I paid the bills and handled the accounts), but he had all the income, particularly with me in school, and some of those accounts are in his name, which means I can't do anything with them legally. There's also his last paycheck(s), which will need re-written, for which I need to be a fiduciary of accounts, for which I need a probate lawyer. There's also the fact that I'll lose my health insurance probably by the end of the month. Fortunately, I already know the university has a decent plan, but it's not open enrollment, so that's hoops or possibly the very expensive extension option of my current plan for 2 months until it is open enrollment again.
It's all a case of I may be okay for the next four years, albeit running financially close to the bone, but there's some very big open questions and the final death certificate may not be available for up to 6 months since the coroner is doing an investigation due to the unusual situation. It's all an unholy mess on top of being more complicated than I could have ever predicted.
As I said to my sister, it all had to happen simultaneously the past week and a half: mourning, school, and both immediate and long term survival. I've had a lot of support, but there's a hell of a mountain in my path and most of it is stuff that no one can do for me - including said mourning, and I buried my mental health safety net yesterday. I've lost 5 pounds in the last week, which means I now need to gain 10, so there's no leeway there, either. I've got two dogs depending on me for kibble, vet visits, arthritis meds, and petting. I don't know how this semester is going to play out, but that degree is suddenly a lot more critical, so I have to make the next 4.5 years happen. Meanwhile, I think about him about once every 30 seconds and notice all the places he's not occupying.
Today QuietPineTrees on Twitter posted: "There are 21 million cubic feet of molten rock and metal directly below every square foot of Earth. There is literally nothing hiding you from every star, galaxy, and sunless planet in the night sky. Cosmically speaking, your back is against the wall. Happy October, everybody."
Bring it on, universe. I've welded steel to my backbone and the fight's all I got left right now.
Crossposted to Dreamwidth. Comment here or there. ♥ Blue :)
Life is a hell of a ride, isn't it? It's been a month and a half of school so far, and that's been been a blur of busyness but going fine. The pups are still getting older and both need to visit the vet this week, but they're fine. D had what we thought were some issues with medication side effects and a weird case of thrush that came up, but he was fine right up until we took him into the ER a week ago Tuesday night for pretty significant dehydration from the aforementioned side effects. He was declared dead at 7:15 the next morning.
He'd had some extra protein in his urine and a kidney specialist had put him on steroids and water pills to help with that although they didn't know the actual cause. The water pills hadn't been fun, but he'd had an appointment a week before and he had another one of Wednesday afternoon and hopefully there were going to be some answers, or at least a different approach to treatment.
What we didn't know is that at some point he had become diabetic. It turns out that it's possible for a human to have a sugar count of 2,200 and still be alive.
No, there isn't an extra 2 or 0 in there. Two thousand two hundred. I have yet to talk to anyone who has seen that kind of number before. For those who don't know anything about sugar counts: normal is 80-120. 300 is high. The meters in the ER go up to 500 and that's the point they put you in Intensive Care. They literally thought the lab results were an error the first time and re-ran the test twice.
He was dehydrated and his electrolytes were trashed. The water pills were the main problem, but the thrush - which was being treated, he was on day 2 of 3 - had been rough for a couple days before that and hadn't resolved yet so he hadn't been eating or drinking much since even water tasted horrible. He'd discovered the only thing not horrible was sweet and cold, like orange juice, soda, and Wendy's Frostys. The amount of sugar he had Tuesday evening didn't raise any flags because no one knew he was diabetic. He hadn't been able to eat much, so a sugar high seemed a small price to pay for easy calories and fluids. The thrush would start to resolve, he'd go to his kidney doctor appointment, hopefully get put on a different treatment for the mystery protein, and get sent for IV fluids and electrolytes. He'd be feeling 100% better in a day or two.
Even after we knew how bad it was, we thought everything was going to be fine. He was in the ICU, we caught it in time, they just had to drop it slowly and stand over him while it happened. He was going to have to recover for a while. Quality of kidney function afterward was an open question, but just diet and exercise with monitoring was still a possibility. It was all going to be a scary as hell memory, but fine. Then it all went to hell very, very quickly.
Then, suddenly, I had a funeral to plan.
We buried his body yesterday. Since October 3rd I've spent my time weeping, sobbing, laughing, numb, and pretty much everything in-between. I can't take all the credit for the funeral - his family did a hell of a lot - but there was that, the few classes I managed to get to, the excused absence(s) and extensions I arranged for, the many phone calls, the truly staggering amount of social interactions that needed to happen, roughly a thousand hugs, and the frantic search for answers to questions like "can I pay the bills? what money do I have access to? what the hell is probate anyway? what all is in his name??"
The trick here is I have access to all our money (I paid the bills and handled the accounts), but he had all the income, particularly with me in school, and some of those accounts are in his name, which means I can't do anything with them legally. There's also his last paycheck(s), which will need re-written, for which I need to be a fiduciary of accounts, for which I need a probate lawyer. There's also the fact that I'll lose my health insurance probably by the end of the month. Fortunately, I already know the university has a decent plan, but it's not open enrollment, so that's hoops or possibly the very expensive extension option of my current plan for 2 months until it is open enrollment again.
It's all a case of I may be okay for the next four years, albeit running financially close to the bone, but there's some very big open questions and the final death certificate may not be available for up to 6 months since the coroner is doing an investigation due to the unusual situation. It's all an unholy mess on top of being more complicated than I could have ever predicted.
As I said to my sister, it all had to happen simultaneously the past week and a half: mourning, school, and both immediate and long term survival. I've had a lot of support, but there's a hell of a mountain in my path and most of it is stuff that no one can do for me - including said mourning, and I buried my mental health safety net yesterday. I've lost 5 pounds in the last week, which means I now need to gain 10, so there's no leeway there, either. I've got two dogs depending on me for kibble, vet visits, arthritis meds, and petting. I don't know how this semester is going to play out, but that degree is suddenly a lot more critical, so I have to make the next 4.5 years happen. Meanwhile, I think about him about once every 30 seconds and notice all the places he's not occupying.
Today QuietPineTrees on Twitter posted: "There are 21 million cubic feet of molten rock and metal directly below every square foot of Earth. There is literally nothing hiding you from every star, galaxy, and sunless planet in the night sky. Cosmically speaking, your back is against the wall. Happy October, everybody."
Bring it on, universe. I've welded steel to my backbone and the fight's all I got left right now.
Crossposted to Dreamwidth. Comment here or there. ♥ Blue :)