Sep 23, 2006 21:50
I recently found this in my archived writings. I don't remember when it was originally written. Several years ago. Probably 2002, maybe 2003. I remember the events surrounding it, though. I was sitting at work, taking a short break, and watching everyone else work around me. This epiphany hit me like a fucking brick. Suddenly, everything around me grew distant. I became detached from my environment and slightly connected to a greater power. Then this flowed out of me and into my notebook. It was complete automatic writing from start to finish. I didn't have to stop, modify, or think about anything as it was being written. Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments?
Where you can suddenly feel all the pain of everyone being hurt because of the negative actions, inaction, or indifference of others?
Have you ever had one of those moments where it all becomes so clear that no one really cares what anyone else is doing or thinking?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you just sit back and watch a group of people hard at work only to realize that whatever they think is important that they aren't doing won't make a bit of difference when the world comes to an end?
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just realize that the human race is dying because people are just being more cruel to other people, people are just being more indifferent to other people, people are just being more selfish and less selfless, people are being too intolerant of one another, and no one seems to realize this, or care if they do?
I've been having these moments a lot lately, probably at least once an hour or more. Every time I come to one of these moments, I realize that I want to do so much to change the world for the better or at least raise some awareness of these serious sociological problems before they end up destroying us all. And every time I think that there's so much I could be doing and yet there's nothing I can do because the problem is too big and all I want to do is cry the tears of the entire human race.
It's like my thoughts are being imprisoned in the indifference of others.
It's like my soul just wants to scream out with every fiber of my being and warn and educate as many people as I can, but it is being muzzled because there is no one there to hear or care.
It's like I want to go in swinging to stop as much of this injustice as I can but my hands are being held back by my conscience because the odds are stacked too high against me and I know that I can't do it alone.
And no matter how much I want to try to use my creative energies to spread this message to as many people as I can, I am shrouded in a veil of ignorance because I have no idea where to start and I'm probably too old already to make a decent start of it.
So whenever I have one of these moments, I just want to give up, lay down, and cry, because somewhere there are people hurting and no one is listening and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I've been having these moments all the time for the past couple of weeks, and I don't know what they're a result from or what I should do about it. The fact that I'm thinking like this scares me. The fact that I realize I can't do anything about it makes me want to just shut down and give up on everything, and the thought of that scares me.
I just keep waking up every morning, hoping it might get better, but it never does.
Have you ever had one of those moments?