milliways_bar

[bloody_rockgod]

There are swans in Hyde Park, both black and white. There are trees to sit under and white chairs by the river, and most days, even at its busiest, it's peaceful and green

Comments

[qsilver_lab_rat]

Darien's just flopped back, as relaxed as if he were on a beach in California.

"Nice place, babe."

[qsilver_lab_rat]

And Darien's just enjoying it for the moment it is, head rolling back and eyes shut in bliss.

[bloody_rockgod]

"Puppy?" Charlie says quietly. "Do you--I mean--you ever thin about--us--married?"

He said it.

[qsilver_lab_rat]

He nods. Without hesitation.

"I mean, the governments a bitch about the whole thing, but I figure there's always Canada."

[bloody_rockgod]

"Oh," Charlie says faintly.

[qsilver_lab_rat]

"What?"

...he's very confused.

[bloody_rockgod]

"'Cause. Um. I." He swallows hard. "I have. Um. Very ambivelant feelings towards marriage."

[qsilver_lab_rat]

Blink.

"Oh. Uh... define ambivalent?"

[bloody_rockgod]

"Well--two conflicting feelings at once, I suppose. I mean--Dar. I love you. You're--you're it for me. You're the beginning and the end for me. Yeah? You've loved me more and better than anybody I've been with and you make me so happy--"

He sighs. "I'm so scared," he says slowly, "that if we get married, everything will change. And not for the better."

He swallows hard again.

[qsilver_lab_rat]

"'Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.'" he quotes, perfectly serious.

"Change happens, Charlie. The only thing that's dangerous is when you try and halt things. Then it all goes to hell."

[bloody_rockgod]

He looks at Darien and then looks away. "What if I panic?" he says quietly. "I've done it before. It's stupid and immature--but I've still done it.

"Did I ever tell you I used to date David?"

[qsilver_lab_rat]

"Did I ever tell you he told me I crawled up him after performing fellatio on a fudgesicle?"

He rolls his eyes.

"What the hell does it matter? What does it have to do with anything, Charlie? So you freak. So what?"

And he takes Charlie's head in his hands, makes him look at him.

"I'm an expert at freaking even when I don't want to, man. You know it. I know it. I don't have a choice. And you know what? You don't need a fucked up gland in your head to freak you out against your will. You ever choose to leave me? I mean, really choose? FINE. But I fucked up too many times to let you go over a screw up. Over freaking out. Do you hear me, Charlie Pace?"

[bloody_rockgod]

"Because David gave me a fucking ring and I fucking slept with another bloke!"

[qsilver_lab_rat]

"And you put me in a dress and we slept with another bloke!" He points out.

[bloody_rockgod]

"I asked you if it was okay!"

[qsilver_lab_rat]

"What the hell do you think a proposal is Charlie?"