So Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius Malfoy walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "So, what'll it be, ladies?"
...
One dead bartender and several drinks later...
Sesshomaru: ...and so that's when I knew the relationship would never work out. But I was up front with her. I came clean about it. I walked right up to Kagome and I said, "I'm prettier than you."
Lucius: Oh man, I've been there. Break-ups are the worst. They never take it easy.
Legolas: I've got a trick to it. All I do is replace myself with a Barbie doll, and the chick never knows the difference till I've already escaped. They get caught up playing with the hair, you know.
Lucius: Well, you do have great hair.
Sesshomaru: Oh no doubt. No one's arguing against that.
Lucius: It's so soft.
Sesshomaru: Shiny, too.
Legolas: ...yeah. You guys've had too much to drink. ...You really think my hair's that soft?
Lucius: No question.
Legolas: But is it my best feature, though?
Sesshomaru: Hm, well, that's a tough one. I mean, you have so many great features. Your complexion...
Lucius: Your eyes...
Sesshomaru: That dreamy boot-and-skirt ensemble...
Legolas: This old thing? You're kidding. I've been wearing this since the Third Age.
Lucius: Well you know how it is. "Vintage" never goes out of style, eh? Ahahaha.
Sesshomaru: Hahahhaha.
Legolas: Heeheehoohoo.
Lucius: ...oh god, I'm drunk...I should leave...
Legolas: Yeah. I should be going too. Elrond gets so mad when I come home late. He worries so.
Sesshomaru: That's how the ol' ball and chain is, eh? Well, good luck. I guess I'll head home as well. If I'm away too long, Rin seems to get kidnapped without fail. Hey Lucius, I've been wanting to look into House-Elves. What's the going rate on one of those? My servant's been slacking off lately.
Lucius: I'll text message you about it.
Sesshomaru: Right. Bye.
Legolas: So long.
Lucius: Cheerio, pip pip, what what.
Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: Valentine's Day
...
One dead bartender and several drinks later...
Sesshomaru: ...and so that's when I knew the relationship would never work out. But I was up front with her. I came clean about it. I walked right up to Kagome and I said, "I'm prettier than you."
Lucius: Oh man, I've been there. Break-ups are the worst. They never take it easy.
Legolas: I've got a trick to it. All I do is replace myself with a Barbie doll, and the chick never knows the difference till I've already escaped. They get caught up playing with the hair, you know.
Lucius: Well, you do have great hair.
Sesshomaru: Oh no doubt. No one's arguing against that.
Lucius: It's so soft.
Sesshomaru: Shiny, too.
Legolas: ...yeah. You guys've had too much to drink. ...You really think my hair's that soft?
Lucius: No question.
Legolas: But is it my best feature, though?
Sesshomaru: Hm, well, that's a tough one. I mean, you have so many great features. Your complexion...
Lucius: Your eyes...
Sesshomaru: That dreamy boot-and-skirt ensemble...
Legolas: This old thing? You're kidding. I've been wearing this since the Third Age.
Lucius: Well you know how it is. "Vintage" never goes out of style, eh? Ahahaha.
Sesshomaru: Hahahhaha.
Legolas: Heeheehoohoo.
Lucius: ...oh god, I'm drunk...I should leave...
Legolas: Yeah. I should be going too. Elrond gets so mad when I come home late. He worries so.
Sesshomaru: That's how the ol' ball and chain is, eh? Well, good luck. I guess I'll head home as well. If I'm away too long, Rin seems to get kidnapped without fail. Hey Lucius, I've been wanting to look into House-Elves. What's the going rate on one of those? My servant's been slacking off lately.
Lucius: I'll text message you about it.
Sesshomaru: Right. Bye.
Legolas: So long.
Lucius: Cheerio, pip pip, what what.
Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: Valentine's Day