[Fan Fic: One Shot] Saying Goodbye - Part 1
Title: Saying Goodbye
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is narrative in nature and is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: Unable to give each other more than just love, Kame and Jin say goodbye.
A/N: I thought that since I wrote something about the beginning and the middle, I should write something about the end as well. I hope that I have conveyed properly the basis of their decision to go separate ways, and I tried to end it as positively as I could in this situation. Hope you like it :)
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Saying Goodbye - Part 1
“Kame, we need to talk.”
5 little words. All it took were those 5 little words. Those 5 words had been hanging on Jin’s lips for the past 6 months, words that he found difficult to summon enough courage to let them tumble out. But he knew he had to, eventually. When he set aside his reluctance and felt he could bear the pain, he said those words.
And then, just like that, it was over.
***
“Yes Jin, we need to talk.”
It was the beginning of the end. But Kame was not surprised. He knew that the time would come, and he had been bracing himself for it, particularly in the past 6 months. All the tell-tale signs were there, and it was a matter of who said it first. All he had hoped was for it to be quick and painless.
But then, the pain showed that what they had was real.
***
30-year-old Akanishi Jin sat alone at the counter of a posh, quiet bar. He had a demeanor of a successful gentleman, decked classily in a dark, open collared muted designer suit. His slender fingers toyed with the rim of the whisky glass in front of him. His hair, carefully styled to look careless, fell wispily around his eyes, disguising him. Not that he needed disguising in a place like this, an exclusive place where the rich and famous frequented often, ironically offering him some privacy. He brought the glass to his lips and relished the burn as the golden liquid trickled down his throat. He sat there, a perfect portrayal of cool and calm, masking expertly the slight, yet glaring void that was inside him.
The fourth finger of his left hand, the finger that people say was connected to the heart, had around it a masculine plain white gold ring. Jin had slipped it on only an hour ago, just before he stepped into the bar. He had wanted to know what it felt like, to have that ring on this particular finger, when for years, he had worn it on the opposite side. The ring symbolized something so precious and secret, and now that it was over, Jin thought he would recognize what they had for what it was, even though it could not last.
Jin smiled sadly before slipping the ring off. It did not belong there, nor what it represented in his heart, not anymore. He ran his index finger absentmindly around the inner rim of the ring, feeling the “K” subtly engraved within. He remembered the day they had stepped into the jewellery store together, and how they had to lie that they each wanted to buy a ring for themselves with the first alphabet of their first name engraved. He remembered them sitting on the couch of the apartment they secretly shared, even though they had their own separate places, exchanging the rings with the promise of forever. It was something that they had hoped, even though they knew that it was not a matter of forever, but of how long.
***
Kamenashi Kazuya sealed the last of the boxes, pulling the roll of tape aggressively over the opening. Huffing and puffing, he pushed the heavy box next to the main door and stacked a couple of lighter boxes on top of it. When he was done, Kame cracked his back, put his hands on his hips and surveyed the almost empty apartment to see if there was anything that he had left out.
Dressed in a ratty t-shirt and tattered jeans, Kame looked younger than his 28 years. His fine straight hair fell heavily, the tips drenched with sweat, framing his pixie-like face. He cleaned his sweaty brow with the sleeve of his t-shirt, thinking that it has been a while since he had done such menial labour. There were usually people who would do the heavy lifting for him. After all, he was earning more than enough to afford the help. However, this was something he wanted to do alone. This place, this apartment, was home to so many memories, memories so precious that he wanted to lock away in a treasure chest by himself. It had been kept a secret for so long, that even though the secret was no more, he still felt that he should give it the respect it deserved.
The apartment was a strange place to him now. It was void of “them”, only ghosts remained. Kame walked over to the stack of boxes near the kitchen, and ran his hand over the “J” that was written in marker ink to say who the contents of the boxes belonged to. The boxes would be delivered to its owner the next day. The contents did not belong in this apartment, nor what they represented in Kame’s heart, not anymore. He remembered the day they decided to get this apartment for themselves, their love nest, they called it. Kame remembered all the times he would sneak out from his own “public” apartment, hiding from the paparazzi, to this one, to find him waiting for him with open arms and he had wished that this would be their home for eternity even though they knew it was not to be so.
***
“Kame, we need to talk.”
“Yes Jin, we need to talk.”
They sat opposite each other at the dining table of their apartment, each with a can of beer in their hand. They were looking everywhere else, except at each other, knowing if they did, they would lose their resolve. And yet, they found it difficult to say the words, the words that would make it all real. But then, what was the point of going on, when neither of them would be happy, when neither of them could give each other what they wanted?
“It’s the end Jin. Let’s not be dramatic about this. We had what we had and it was wonderful, irreplaceable. But….” Kame choked and paused.
“I’m sorry Kame. I shouldn’t have cheated…I caused you grieve….I….” Jin hung his head.
“No Jin, don’t say that. We’ve been through this. I knew. I was wildly upset, but I pretended…..and I let you, because it is something I can never give you. So don’t say you cheated when I knew….” Kame sighed in resignation. He wondered if they would arrive at this moment so soon if Jin had not found out that he knew.
Jin looked up and met Kame’s eyes. He saw glistening tears stubbornly refusing to fall, and because of that, he held back his own.
“Kame, what you want from me, to give you space to develop your career, to wait in the wings for you while you soar, I’m sorry….I can’t. Give me a time Kame, a time, so that we don’t have to end this. I just need a time….”
“I can’t give you a time, Jin. I don’t know when, if ever, I will stop. Even now that KAT-TUN has disbanded, I still want to go solo, to sing, to act, to explore the world, to spread my wings. The company has given me a great offer which I am going to take. And it’s unfair for you to have to wait for me, because you might be waiting forever. You deserve a family, children of your own, something which I can’t give…..”
“We could adopt…..” Jin made a last ditch attempt.
Kame gave a soft chuckle. “Yes we could, but how long would it be before you resent me? Don’t shake your head Jin, it’s something we both know will happen. And I don’t want to resent you too, for tying me down. Our love is too precious to be tainted like that.”
“So, this is it then?”
“What else did you expect? It’s the end that we dreaded coming. We were never about forever Jin…” Kame felt a sharp pain in the depths of his soul when he uttered those words.
Jin laughed bitterly. “Oh Kame, there’s so many things that I want. I want to write songs and produce music. I want to get married, to have children…..and I want you. But we can’t have it all, can we?”
“No we can’t. Take up the company’s offer Jin, and go to Riko-san. She loves you, and you love her.”
“But not as much as I love you.” Jin looked at Kame and smiled.
“I know, my love, I know.” Kame reached over to stroke Jin’s cheek.
This was most likely the last time they would touch, and Jin closed his eyes to savour the moment. After a few minutes, Jin removed Kame’s hand from his cheek and held it tight. Kame pulled away slowly. Jin stood up, his chair scraping the floorboards, a sound so definite and finite. Kame stood up too, and walked Jin to the door. Jin opened it and turned to Kame. They stood still for a long while before Jin leaned in, thinking perhaps one last kiss. Kame dodged.
“Don’t. Don’t make it harder than it already is.”
Nodding, Jin forced a grin in response to Kame’s quiet smile. He turned and walked towards the elevators, and Kame shut the door behind him.
***
“Sorry to have kept you waiting!” Jin tucked the ring he was holding into his suit pocket as he acknowledged the pretty, intelligent lady with a bright smile. He accepted her warm hug and gave her a peck on the cheek. Riko, as a woman, was more than what a man like him could hope for. She was kind and gentle, and yet, had a little caustic streak that would never let him get away with his baka nature. Most of all, she cared nothing about the entertainment scene, the world that he had been so much a part of. She did not see him as an idol, a celebrity, a “good catch”. She was her own woman, and loved him for who he was, or at least, whatever he was willing to show her. There were some parts of him that were private, reserved for one person only, and it was sacred.
“Let me get my coat, and we’ll go.”
“I can’t believe our parents will be meeting today. Should I get your mother a bunch of flowers, Jin?”
He spun around abruptly. Jin. He thought he heard a familiar voice, like a gentle breeze, call his name. He had not heard that voice for weeks. After all the logistics with regards to the apartment and their belongings were done, he did not see that familiar name flickering on the screen of his mobile phone anymore.
Instead, before him was Riko’s grinning face. Trying not to let his disappointment show, he ushered Riko to walk ahead of him. And yet, he could not bring it in himself to follow her in that instant.
“Jin?” Riko turned to the man who had asked her to spend her life with him with curious eyes.
Jin walked up to the woman that was to be his wife and held her dainty hands in his. He knew that in time, he would get used to these unfamiliar hands, but for now, they still felt strange, foreign.
“Riko, after dinner tonight, I have to make a trip.”
“Unfinished business?” Riko understood that the man before her was more complicated than he was leading her to believe. But she had made her choice.
He shrugged and admitted, “It was finished long ago. It just deserves a proper send off, that’s all.”
With Riko’s nod, he squeezed her hand and led her out of the bar.
***
There was a knock on the door and Kame was greeted with a big smile from his friend when he opened it. Kame moved aside, indicating that Koki should come in. Koki looked around the place and whistled.
“I never knew you guys had this place….”
“HAD being the operative word,” Kame said as he walked towards the fridge, emptying it of its final contents - 2 cans of beer. He threw one over to Koki who caught it with finesse before opening the other can and taking a big gulp.
“How are you holding up, man?”
Kame did not respond, but Koki got his answer from Kame’s somewhat grim expression which he tried to cover with an attempted smirk. Koki decided it was best not to say anything. He would wait for Kame to initiate conversation. Koki settled into the plastic wrapped couch and took out, from his sling bag, a rather thick ring-bound document, the purpose of his visit, and held it up to Kame.
“Is that the script?” Kame said, receiving it.
“Yeah, although I don’t see why you called me here to deliver it to you. We only leave for the Maldives to start production next month. I could have passed it to you at the production meeting.”
“I thought I’d get an early start memorizing it. There’s nothing much else to occupy my time till we leave anyway.” What Kame did not say was that he needed the longer lead time, his mind had a tendency to wander more often these days. He slumped beside his good friend. Kame rested his head on Koki’s shoulder and closed his eyes, tired out from packing away memories.
Koki sighed, a little at a loss of what to do to comfort his friend. Kame looked like he was keeping things together, but Koki did not know how much of the front was false. He did not want to say words that will cause Kame to crumble, since Kame seemed bent on trying to move on. And then, Koki spotted something that let him know that Kame had not really said his farewell.
There, atop a small stack of boxes, was a framed photograph that had not been packed. Something that Kame could not bear to put away as yet. Koki looked at the 2 faces in the picture, taken more than a decade ago, grinning brightly at him, and shook his head at the depth of their history. He shifted his shoulder, urging Kame to open his eyes.
“What is it, Koki?”
Koki nodded towards the frame.
“I…I did not know who that picture should go to….” Even as he said that, Kame’s eyes glazed over as he stared at the picture, falling deep in thought.
Koki waited.
“Koki?”
“What’s up, man?”
“I think I’m going to take a short trip.”
“Good thinking, Kame…..kun!” Koki chuckled, finally eliciting a laugh from Kame.
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Hope you like it so far! :) I've disabled comments for Part 1, so please proceed to Part 2 for the rest of the story.