The Perfect Mess (Part 3)
Title: The Perfect Mess (Gosh, my titles are so corny)
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, a little bit of Pin, a little bit of Ryokame
Genre: Romance, teeny weeny bit of angst (not sure if I got it right, bad at genre categorisation, I am)
Rating: NC-17 (although there is no sex, not really, anyway)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: What happens when Mr Perfect meets Mr Messy?
A/N: Boredom impregnated me with this fic, and it was a month-long labour, but I've finally given birth to it. It's a sweet little piece, with obvious loopholes because I got sick of being pregnant for so long. Not my best work, nonetheless, I hope you smile a little after reading it. It's meant to be be slightly heartwarming, in any case.
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“You don’t love me anymore,” Yamapi said matter of factly over dinner. It was mere days after the launch of 1582 Designs, and Yamapi was in between flights, and was spending a couple of days on home ground. As usual, Jin and Yamapi were on their date, something that they did when Yamapi was in town.
Jin paused, his chopsticks almost reaching the sea urchin sushi he was eyeing.
“I can tell, from the way you fucked me earlier, your mind was somewhere else.”
Placing his chopsticks back on the table, Jin faced Yamapi straight on.
“I’ll bet I know who it is,” Yamapi went on, chewing on a particularly springy piece of squid sushi.
“Yamapi….I….” Jin began.
“It’s that Kamenashi isn’t it? He’s just the type of person that you would be attracted to.”
From Jin’s silence, Yamapi knew that he had hit the nail on the head.
Yamapi smiled wearily, “So, does this stop now? Our relationship? We did say it would.”
The both of them went way back. Jin and Yamapi were best buddies in school. They were together all the time. Jin could not even recall a time when Yamapi was not in his life, or when it was that they started fooling around with each other, eventually having sex now and then. They must have been in their late teens. Yamapi had known for most of his life that he wanted to be pilot. They had gone out to celebrate Yamapi passing his pilot exams, and had shared a nice night together. Just before Yamapi left for his first assignment, they agreed to have an open relationship. They would be together, but it was ok to have sex with other people, if it was only just sex. If one of them fell in love with someone else, their relationship would be over. That was their pact.
“No, I still love you,” Jin finally ate the sushi he was aiming for.
“But you’re falling in love with him,” Yamapi said after a pause. The waitress had come to place their tempura order before them.
“He’s not looking my way, not yet anyway,” Jin picked up a prawn and placed it on Yamapi’s plate, “let’s continue the way we are.”
“Why don’t you just tell him who you are? It’ll make it so much easier, and I don’t have to play along myself,” Yamapi ate his prawn.
“Don’t whine, you’re hardly around to play along anyway,” Jin grinned at his friend, “besides, he has to accept me for me, not for anything else.”
“Whatever,” Yamapi shrugged between mouthfuls of rice, “I might leave you first though, you’ll never know.”
“Well, I’ll cry for what we had when it happens,” Jin replied, draining his sake cup and pouring himself another.
“Be sure that you do. We are awesome,” chuckling, Yamapi offered up his cup to be filled as well.
*
As the days passed, things got gradually better. Ryo was true to his word. He flew back to Tokyo and cleaned up the PR mess he had created. Ryo’s reps spun PR magic and made Kame come out valiant and gracious, which he actually was, but the tabloids liked to spice things up, and he often came off worse off. Not this time though, thanks to Ryo. Kame had a very civil dinner with him to iron everything out, and at the end of the meal, Kame even managed a smile, and wished him all the best in his new relationship.
With Ryo out of the picture, Kame became even more intolerable, as Koki lamented to Jin one day. He was even more on-the-clock and efficient than usual, packing his calendar so tight that it was a wonder he could breathe. Koki certainly could not, and he was only trying to keep up.
“Jin! Thank God you’re here, you’ve gotta save me, he’s driving me insane!” If Koki had any more hair, he would have been balder than bald from the way his hands were tugging at the few strands that he has.
“That bad huh? Maybe I shouldn’t even be here,” Jin hesitated. This was his first visit to Kame after that day at Kame’s country house. Jin thought it best to leave Kame alone for him to settle whatever he had to settle with Ryo.
“Don’t you dare leave me,” Koki panicked, “Everyone is pulled as tight as a size 6 elastic pants on a size 20 person! Look! I don’t think Suzuki-kun can last much longer with how Kame is overworking him!”
Said assistant was at the moment stumbling out of Kame’s office with a mountain of files stacked high enough to cover almost all of him. Jin looked at Kame through the glass walls of the office, and seeing Kame deeply engrossed in a document while talking to someone animatedly on the phone, Jin could not help a small grin from forming.
“He’s been burying himself with work day in day out,” Koki commented, looking at the same scene as Jin was. “He’s like a robot sometimes, and whatever I say doesn’t get through his metal skull. He’ll go crazy at this rate, heck, all of us are going crazy already,” Koki made a random gesture but Jin could see the other staff fluttering around like frenzied flamingoes.
A quick knock that was completely ignored later, Jin strolled into Kame’s office and sat himself down on the white sofa, watching Kame work.
“Look Taguchi-san, I don’t care if those are your best models. They are not good enough! Would you like me to go to another agency? Uh huh? Uh huh? Right. I thought so. Show me something decent by next week, if not, I’ll take my business somewhere else…uh huh…I’m glad we have an understanding…uh huh….I look forward to next week then. Ok…ok…goodbye.”
Without looking up from his call, Kame pressed the intercom for his assistant, “Suzuki-kun, where is the file on the concept store with Daimaru, I thought I asked you for it 15 minutes ago, and get Koki in here, we have to discuss the market trends……GOOD GOD! When on earth did you come in?”
It was only then that Kame noticed Jin in the room.
“Sometime before Taguchi-san not being able to give you the models you want,” Jin shrugged and put his feet up, knowing that it annoyed Kame.
“I have no time for you, Akanishi. Unlike you, I have work to do,” Kame’s hand was held up in anticipation of a file that his assistant was about to hand to him. When it took too long, Kame clicked his tongue, scaring the poor assistant into dropping all the files in his hand.
“You know, Suzuku-kun,” Kame said once the file was hurriedly handed to him, “there is a long line of boys, much better looking and much more capable than you waiting for your job…….”
“Suzuki-kun,” Koki interrupted just in time, “there are some courier packages for Kame-chan, maybe you should see to it?”
Once the assistant ran out of ear shot, Kame said without looking up from his file, “Are you sleeping with him Koki? You always rescue him in the nick of time.”
“I’m just trying to save you from doing something you will regret. You actually do like him as an assistant, you only forget when you’re absorbed with work and you scare the shit out of him,” feeling incredulous, Koki sat himself down next to Jin, who was grinning his dog-like grin as usual.
“Don’t you have anything else better to do, Jin?” Kame sighed, and leaned back against his chair, as though Jin’s presence was all he needed to take a break.
“You miss me, admit it,” Jin replied good-naturedly.
Kame schooled his face to show no emotion, but he did indeed miss Jin. Over the course of the days after the time they spent in his country house, Kame found that in the midst of the flurry of activity he had created for himself, there were seconds of quiet moments that he would look up hoping to see the sloppy disaster that is Akanishi Jin on the sofa across from his desk. He did not know why he felt that way, and so he tried to fill up those quiet seconds as much as he could.
Standing up, Jin strode up to Kame with heavy booted footsteps and pulled Kame out from behind his desk. He dragged Kame to the door even as Kame tried to wriggle free.
“What are you doing?!”
“Let’s go out somewhere!”
“What? now?! I can’t!”
“It’s 6pm. Don’t you knock off at 6pm?”
“It’s actually only 5.58pm,” Kame retorted, glancing at the giant wall clock that told the exact time.
Jin rolled his eyes and tugged Kame harder.
“Wait! I can’t!! I have a meeting scheduled with the fabric supplier at 6.30pm, and after that I have my massage session at 8.00pm, and then…….”
“Why can’t Koki handle the meeting?” Jin asked.
“What? No! I always attend the meetings……”
“It’s ok, Kame-chan, it’s the fabric supplier, and I might not know a lot of things, but I know fabric. Just go with Jin……”
“But, Koki…..you need…..”
“KAME-CHAN! PLEASE! Just go! You need some air! I need some air from you, even if you don’t!” Koki raised his voice and Kame was silenced, reluctantly allowing Jin to pull him out, not before running back to grab his BlackBerry from the table.
All Koki could do was shake his head as he watched the two of them disappear out the door.
*
“We’re going on that?!” Kame looked disgusted at the vehicle before him, a very sleek, very expensive Ducati motorcycle in midnight black. “Why can’t we take my Porsche? Sitting on a bike will mess my hair up, and my clothes,” Kame looked down at his well-pressed, well-coordinated outfit and then up at Jin in irritation.
“Your Porsche is a convertible. Your hair gets messy anyway,” Jin busied himself adjusting the straps of his spare helmet for Kame.
“Yes, but I only put the top down when I plan for a wind-blown look. I did not plan to have helmet hair today. Doesn’t go with the outfit. And besides, I can’t leave my car here. I need it to get to work tomorrow, I have an early morning meeting and…..” Kame complained.
“Oh shut up! I’ll send you to work tomorrow if I have to. I want to bring you somewhere, so you have to come along on my terms. I went along with your terms the last time,” Jin placed the helmet over Kame’s perfectly gelled hair amidst much protest. There was something about Jin’s close proximity that made Kame’s stomach twist a little. His stomach twisted even more as he straddled the bike behind Jin. Jin took Kame’s hands and wrapped it around his waist, and Kame was flushed against Jin’s body, feeling every sinew in his back.
They zipped through the busy streets of Shinjuku, onto a highway. It seemed like Jin was headed towards the Tokyo Bay area, but Kame could not be sure. They were going so fast that everything seemed like a blur, and also because he could not focus on anything else but Jin’s muscles tensing and relaxing as he maneuvered the bike around the bends and curves of the road.
Suddenly, there was a change in the air. It turned crisper, with the smell of the waters. Kame looked around to see that they had left the city behind and were in the dockland area. Jin stopped the bike in front of a Lawson’s. He stepped down and took of his helmet, shaking his unruly hair out. He pulled his hair up in a messy ponytail, tendrils falling framing his face in a way that Kame fleetingly thought was so very handsome until he collected himself.
“Where are we?” Kame asked, lifting his visor.
“We’re not quite there yet, but I’m getting us some dinner. What would you like?”
“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you’re having. It’s all going to taste bad anyway,” Kame knew he sounded like a spoilt brat, but he could not help it. He was feeling jittery, partly from the fact that he has yet to call to reschedule his massage appointment, and partly from being so close to Jin. The first one, he quickly rectified while Jin was in the store, the second one, he did not know what to do about.
It was another 10 minutes from the conbini when Jin stopped and parked. It was a little enclave of some sort. The place was secluded, it seemed like it was a secret only Jin knew. Kame got off and removed his helmet, leaving his hand on his head. Jin was busying himself with the bags of food that he had hung on the handlebars during the ride and took him a while to notice what Kame was doing.
“Kame? What the fuck? Take your hand away.”
“No. I have helmet hair, and it’s disgraceful. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya for goodness sake.”
“There’s no one here to look at you. You’re not going to be able to climb down with your hand on your head.”
“Climb down?” Kame’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, over there,” Jin gestured to a mysterious looking area under the steel frames of the rainbow bridge, a grassy slope leading down to the banks.
Reluctantly, Kame brought his hand down to his side, and Jin had to stop himself from laughing out loud. Kame did look a little ridiculous, his usually well-styled hair all flat, and plastered on his head.
“Thanks for nothing,” Kame spat, walking past Jin and looking down the slope to see where they would land up.
Chuckling, Jin spun Kame around by the shoulders and ran his fingers through Kame’s hair, spiking it up, styling it. Kame, taken aback, stood still. His breath hitched with Jin’s close presence. He could smell Jin’s scent, and along with the fingers in his hair, his spine tingled.
“There. All good now. Right, let’s go down,” Jin patted Kame’s head and offered his hand.
“it’s not ‘all good now’. Now my hair is just as messy as yours!” Kame grumbled but he took Jin’s hand and stumbled down behind Jin.
The moment his feet touched the pebbled banks of the bay, he knew why this was Jin’s place. It was just about sunset, and the view in front of him was magnificent. In this little spot, beneath the bridge, the Tokyo skyline was breathtaking, hued golden by the setting sun, juxtaposed by the still waters. Kame knew that as the sun disappears and the lights come up, it would look absolutely stunning.
“Jin, it’s beautiful,” Kame gapped, “I didn’t know such beauty existed in this part of Tokyo.”
“It’s my little discovery,” Jin said as he made himself comfortable on the bank. He tossed Kame a can of beer, which Kame caught with finesse, and indicated for Kame to sit beside him.
They sat side by side, not speaking, as they ate their conbini dinner. Kame did not know if it was the view, but somehow, the food he was eating neatly to Jin’s shoveling, tasted good. The beer he was drinking warmed him, and he found himself loosening up for the first time in a long time.
“I found this place by accident some years ago. I’ve always liked the smell of the sea, and the wind in my face as I ride my bike, so I come here often. This is a place I come to be inspired. I could sit here for hours, watching how the passing of time changes the cityscape,” Jin did not look at Kame as he spoke, choosing instead to fix his eyes on the sky that has since gone dark.
“What do you get inspired for? What exactly is it that you do, Jin?” It was a question that has been sitting on Kame’s lips the moment he met Jin. It was only now that he allowed it to fall out.
“What do you think I do, Kamenashi? I’m sure you must have some idea.” There was a slight tease in Jin’s voice that Kame did not appreciate.
“You’re a careless, sloppy bum that spends his days sponging off other people, like drinking all the coffee in my office for example,” Kame huffed.
“Close, very close,” Jin’s melodious laughter cut through the night air, and for a second, all Kame wanted to do was to pull those laughing lips closer to his.
“Well, what you do is not for me,” Kame resisted.
“It’s not about what someone does, Kamenashi, it’s about who someone is,” there was a resolute tone in Jin’s voice that Kame could not reply to. So he did not. And they plunged into silence again, the only sounds being the sipping they made as they drank their beer.
“Kamenashi, what are you doing?!” Jin had finished his third can of beer to Kame’s two before he decided to engage Kame in conversation. However, when he turned, he saw Kame typing furiously on his BlackBerry.
“Tidying up my schedule for tomorrow, and sending some emails,” Kame replied, not looking up. “We’re not doing anything here, so I thought I might as well make use of the time to…....HEY! GIVE IT BACK!”
Jin had grabbed the device out of Kame’s hands. Kame jostled as Jin attempted to tuck it in his back jeans pocket. Kame pounced on Jin and toppled him onto his back, himself falling on top of him. The BlackBerry was now long gone into Jin’s pocket, but it did not matter anymore, not when the air suddenly became so thick that it made breathing difficult. Kame was looking into Jin’s eyes, sparkling, reflecting the lights of the city. Jin lifted himself up on his elbows, closing the distance between them.
“Kame,” Jin muttered softly, and Kame’s eyes shifted to focus on Jin’s lips. Jin’s tongue darted out to wet the slightly chapped skin, and in a rare move, Kame did not think, he just did.
And then, they were kissing. Wet, noisy kisses, tasting each other, bodies pressed together. Jin’s lips were as soft as he had remembered, but his taste, it was something different, beyond the bitterness of the beer, there Jin was, raw and intoxicating. Jin’s very taste engulfed Kame completely. He clung tightly to Jin, feeling Jin’s strong arms tighten around him as well. Kame’ s mouth sucked harder, tongue entertwined with Jin’s, and it was so delicious. Jin moaned, and pressed in further. Their burgeoning erections rubbed against each other as they grinded unconsciously, guided by their want, their need to come together. It was powerful, it was addictive, it was out of control.
Feelings Kame did not recognise swirled within him, confusing him, messing him up. He was sober, not like before, at that after party, and suddenly, a wave of fear enveloped him. Afraid of himself, afraid of how his body was reacting, Kame pushed Jin away forcefully and stood up. Jin, stunned by Kame’s actions, simply stayed where he was, lips swollen and red, hair all mused and unruly, eyes frozen in bewilderment.
“No,” Kame said more to himself than to anyone else, “No, I can’t…..no…..” he shook his head, unable to stop.
“Kame, Kame, look at me, look at me, please,” trying to calm Kame down, Jin stood up too. He took Kame by the shoulders and shook him gently but firmly, “KAZUYA! Look at me!”
When Kame finally did, Jin’s eyes transformed into pools of deep affection, a place where Kame felt he could drown in.
“I’m about to say something important here, so I want you to listen well,” it was the first time Kame has seen Jin so serious. Kame nodded.
Jin took a deep breath. It was not easy for him to do what he was about to, to put everything out there, exposed, vulnerable.
“I’m in love with you….” Jin began.
Kame gasped in shock, and opened his mouth to say something, but Jin silenced him with an index finger to Kame’s lips, “Ssshh…I said listen.” The finger caressed Kame’s bottom lip, and Kame’s words died in his throat.
“I’ve been falling for you, bit by bit, ever since chocolate mousse,” Jin’ lips had found their way to Kame’s neck, and they were nibbling an undetermined path, causing Kame to summon all his self-control not to buckle.
“Chocolate m-mousse?” Kame gasped.
“Yes,” Jin whispered behind Kame’s ear, “when we first met. The look of fury on your face, so alive, so passionate, you were a vision.”
“You love me?” Kame pulled away, putting some distance between Jin and himself.
“I do,” Jin affirmed, standing straight and proud, emitting a vibe that Kame had not felt from Jin before.
“Then why….now……?”
“Many reasons, some of which you know,” Jin’s voice never wavered, “but mainly because I was waiting, waiting for you to do what you did just now. To kiss me, on your own accord. Waiting for you to love me in return.”
“L-love…you in…return?” Kame stepped backwards 2 steps. He was not used to this change in Jin, this take-charge demeanor that was as attractive as it was disconcerting at the same time.
It was time Kame regained his composure, “How can I love you? I don’t even know you. It’s impossible to have feelings for you, let alone love you, Akanishi.”
“See?” Jin smiled, “this fire within you, this is why I love you. The schedules, the planning to the absolute second, it’s not you, Kame. You’re so much more than that.”
“That is who I am, Jin,” Kame clenched his fist, insulted and angry now, “I am all about schedules and plans. We don’t fit, you’re a mess, you’re disruptive. I lead my life fine without you.”
“Then why did you kiss me, Kamenashi?”
“I-I only kissed you because I miss what I had with Ryo, and you were just there, free for the taking. You’re easy,” Kame lied, and instantly regretted it when he saw the disappointment in Jin’s eyes.
“Is that how you see me? Is that who I am to you, Kazuya? After everything?”
“What everything?” Kame retorted, “What have you done for me except show up when I don’t want you to, when you completely and utterly turn my life upside down?!” Kame spun on his heels and started the climb back up to the main street.
“Kazuya,” Jin called and Kame stopped, “I’ve fallen for you. I’m not going to pick myself up anytime soon.”
Kame’s face betrayed no emotion when he turned back to face Jin. He saw a glimmer of hope in Jin’s eyes, and almost caved. Instead, he put out his hand. Jin looked at it questioningly.
“My BlackBerry, Akanishi. I need it back.”
Sighing, Jin reached into his back pocket, took the device out, and handed it back to Kame. Their fingers brushed.
“I like my life the way it is. I don’t need you, or anyone, to mess it up for me. I don’t want to ever see you again, is that clear, Akanishi?”
Without turning back, Kame left that magical place, where only Jin seemed to exist.
*
Koki was beside himself with stress and worry. Jin was supposed to help, not make things worse. Kame had been almost completely robotic the past week, after that one renegade evening with Jin. Kame did not stray from his schedule even for a minute. It was like clockwork. Even an extra 5 minutes of well-deserved sleep was not permitted. It was as though Kame had no soul, even though he kept up his smiles and sparkling personality in public. He was still charismatic, and his staff and clients respected him, but Koki knew something was off, the way Kame was not letting anything real into his life. It seemed like Kame did not even want Koki’s friendship, when every single one of their conversations was about work, work and more work. What’s more, Koki noticed that Jin had not been popping up the way he annoyingly did anymore.
But, it was only when Koki, one late night, spotted Kame still in his office, staring at nothing in the distance, that he decided that it was time for an intervention. He had to knock on the glass door a few times before Kame realized that he was knocking.
“What is it, Koki?” Kame snapped back into work mode, going back to the file that lay open on his desk, “anything wrong with the consignment order? I’ve been pretty worried about that. I hate it when I can’t control the shipment times.”
“No, nothing is wrong with the order, it’s on the way,” Koki frowned, “The thing that is wrong is you. What’s been going on, Kame-chan?”
“What do you mean?” Kame grimaced a little, “I’m fine. Work’s been busy, you know that.”
“Work always keeps you busy, but not like this. Not like how you are now.”
“There’s nothing wrong, Koki,” Kame tried a reassuring smile.
It was not fooling Koki. “Does it have anything to do with the fact that Jin doesn’t come here anymore?”
Kame’s smile dropped. He ignored Koki and checked some emails.
“I have to go home in 4 minutes. My night routine takes exactly 72 minutes to complete, and I need to sleep by 1am so that I have 6 hours sleep before I get up to go to the gym tomorrow morning,” Kame rambled as he shut down his computer.
“Kame-chan, talk to me, this is not like you,” Koki cajoled.
That did it. “WHY DOES EVERYONE PRESUME THEY KNOW ME? THAT THEY KNOW MY LIFE?” It was like all the pressure in Kame’s chest exploded with those words. He heaved as the tightness relieved itself, and slumped his head into his hands.
“Kame-chan, talk to me,” Koki coaxed again.
“He told me he loves me,” Kame’s words were low, almost inaudible.
“Come again? Who told you?” Koki leaned closer, not sure if he heard right.
“Akanishi. Jin. He told me he loves me,” Kame looked up, eyes troubled.
“And?”
“And! It’s just ridiculous! How can someone like him love someone like me? We’re so different, opposites! He has no respect for time, and his very presence annoys me! It’s just ridiculous! It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Kame ranted.
Koki merely shrugged, “If you don’t feel the same way, just tell him. Why are you beating yourself up over it?”
“I-I’m not,” Kame realized belatedly that he overreacted, “and I did. Tell him, I mean. In fact, I told him I never want to see him again.”
“But you do want to see him again,” Koki could be surprisingly astute when he wanted to be.
“No! Yes…maybe…I don’t know!” Kame fidgeted with his cufflinks.
“What’s stopping you?” Koki interrogated, forcing Kame to say what he had been thinking in his head.
“With Ryo, it was as it should be. It was so easy. I could maintain my life, and have my relationship. Nothing changed, everything stayed the same. I liked it. It suited me.”
“And Jin?”
Kame took a breath, “Jin turns my life upside down. He makes a mess out of me, I do things I don’t ordinarily do. My world derails off its tracks. Everything is topsy turvy, and it’s just…..just…….”
“Maybe it’s time for a change. You’ve been living this way for too long,” Koki’s voice of reason was steady and calm.
“But, order is my life. I need order. And Jin, Jin is chaos personified!”
“Were you happy?” Koki asked pointedly.
“What?”
“You heard me, were you happy when you were with Jin?”
“I-I…” Kame was at a loss for words. He knew what he felt, but he was rejecting it. He looked down, defeated. “I don’t think this is what love is supposed to be,” his tone was one of slight despair.
“Was what you had with Ryo love? You said so that you didn’t think it was.”
Perplexed, Kame groaned and pounded his head on his desk. “Stop asking me such hard questions, Koki.”
Koki studied his friend for a while before he spoke again.
“Why do you think they call it falling in love, instead of, say, standing still in love, walking upright in love? Maybe it’s called falling in love because it is supposed to be unglamorous and dirty, supposed to upset your life, stir it around, change it, until you’re one big mess. Maybe that is what falling, and being in love is all about,” Koki stood up and patted Kame on the shoulder.
“Think about it, Kame-chan, and I’m sure someone is waiting for your answer,” Koki smiled and walked out of Kame’s office, and Kame wondered when it was that Koki became so wise.
*
It was the most difficult thing Kame had ever done, but he did it. He talked himself into dialing Jin’s number. Jin had picked up, but did not give away any emotion when he spoke. Jin had acceded to Kame’s request to meet and talk, and had given Kame an address. Kame was slightly taken aback when he turned his Porsche round the final turn as instructed by his GPS to find himself looking at a tall building with the words “WONDER RECORDS” classily displayed at the front entrance. It was late at night, so Kame did not bother with the underground parking. He stopped his car in the driveway and walked through the automated doors.
Did Jin work here? Maybe that’s why he managed the collaboration with 1582 and Wonder so well. But, Jin said that he had a friend working here, not he himself. Kame was puzzled as he walked towards the security desk.
“Ah, Kamenashi-san. Our President is expecting you.”
“Your President? You must be mistaken, I’m not here for a business meeting, but to see someone….” Kame knew he sounded a little bit stupid.
“You’re here to see Akanishi-san, right sir?”
“Yes,” Kame nodded and swallowed at the same time.
“He’s waiting for you at the private residence. 40th floor. Please follow me.”
Dazed, Kame followed the guard to a private lift off the main lift lobby. It was only when the lift was on its way up with Kame in it that it finally dawned on Kame who he was about to see.
*
The elevator doors opened into a large, sleek, modern apartment. It was not pristine and sterile like Kame’s own penthouse, but it was tastefully done. Colour accents peppered the décor, be it with furniture or the paintings on the walls. As much as the contents of the apartment looked new, it looked lived in. A coat placed carelessly over the sofa, unwashed dishes still on the kitchen counter, many hats randomly tossed in various areas of the room. And there, in the middle of it all, was Jin, sitting on an old and faded, but comfortable looking leather armchair nursing what looked like a glass of brandy in his hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” was the first thing that Kame said.
“Would it have made a difference if I had?” Jin stood up, and Kame saw that he was dressed in a raggedy grey wifebeater and loose cotton boxers. The outfit, if it could be called that, somehow made Jin more desirable to Kame. There was something authentic to Jin, not masked by the pretentiousness of nice clothes. A concept that Kame had used to hide behind of for years.
Kame did not say anything, even though he knew that it would have made a difference, and he knew that Jin knew it too. But, it did not make a difference now, that was what mattered. Kame stepped up to close the distance between them until he could almost reach out to touch Jin, but not quite yet.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want this to be all you saw when you looked at me,” Jin closed that distance and cupped Kame’s cheek in the palm of his hand. “My job, who I am on paper, it’s not who I really am. Who I really am, I’ve shown you, you knew, you know, who I really am, and now, you are here.” Jin smiled.
“Tell me why I’m here Jin,” Kame mirrored Jin’s actions, feeling Jin’s soft skin on his own, “tell me,” Kame whispered.
“You’re here because you want to be loved by me, and to love me in return,” Jin said it with such absoluteness that Kame shivered.
“I don’t know how to do this, I don’t do well with messes, they make me go crazy……” Kame’s voice shook.
“I’ve seen you crazy, I love you even with all the crazy,” Jin bent forward and pressed a chaste kiss on Kame’s lips, making Kame sigh and collapse against Jin. “Does this mean I'm crazy too? “ Jin asked tenderly.
Feeling safe in Jin’s embrace, Kame shook his head slowly against Jin’s neck, infused with the very scent of Jin. Jin lifted Kame’s head up by his chin and kissed him good and proper. Kame lost himself in the kiss, it was familiar, yet different, at the same time. He felt every movement of Jin’s body against him, and he wanted Jin so much. The desire coursed through him, and for a moment, he was scared. There was the out of control feeling again. Kame pushed Jin gently away, but kept him close. He saw that Jin was panting, face flushed, and he noticed that he was to.
“I-I need order, Jin, some semblance of order, I can’t function without a plan,” Kame spoke in earnest.
Jin listened with a tilt of his head, a slight grin on his lips that Kame could not help but return.
“I’m serious,” Kame nudged Jin playfully, but let Jin unbutton his shirt and take it off. Jin dropped it on the floor, but Kame picked it up, folded it and placed it neatly on the coffee table. As he did so, his face scrunched up a little at the mug ring stains. Jin laughed and pulled Kame in.
“Whatever you need for you to love me just as much as I love you,” Jin nipped Kame’s earlobe, eliciting a hiss and then a moan when he nuzzled in and sucked the skin behind Kame’s ear. “But, the Jin-time on your daily schedule could get pretty messed up, do you think you can handle it?” Jin voice was low and husky.
“Hmmm…”Kame hummed in assent, “but tell me one thing,” he said between kisses.
“What is it?” Jin asked, grinding against Kame to show how eager he was.
“Why and how are you the President of Wonder Records?” Kame really wanted to know.
“Seriously? Right now?” Jin looked at Kame incredulously as a hand went down to cup and squeeze Kame’s groin, “Isn’t it against the rules to do something out of schedule?” Jin growled in Kame’s ear and it was all Kame could do to stay standing.
“Oh, and what do I have penned in?” Kame breathed, nibbling Jin’s lower lip.
“Sex with Jin,” Jin replied as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
Chuckling, Kame brought them to kiss again. As the kissing and touching got more urgent and desperate, as they got rid of all their clothes, as they settled on Jin’s 3-seater badly upholstered couch that seemed like it has not been steamed in months, Kame realized that life could do with a little mess from time to time. It made it real, it made it worth living. And falling in love did not have to be so scary, when he had such strong loving arms to catch him and hold him up when he fell.
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, a little bit of Pin, a little bit of Ryokame
Genre: Romance, teeny weeny bit of angst (not sure if I got it right, bad at genre categorisation, I am)
Rating: NC-17 (although there is no sex, not really, anyway)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: What happens when Mr Perfect meets Mr Messy?
A/N: Boredom impregnated me with this fic, and it was a month-long labour, but I've finally given birth to it. It's a sweet little piece, with obvious loopholes because I got sick of being pregnant for so long. Not my best work, nonetheless, I hope you smile a little after reading it. It's meant to be be slightly heartwarming, in any case.
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“You don’t love me anymore,” Yamapi said matter of factly over dinner. It was mere days after the launch of 1582 Designs, and Yamapi was in between flights, and was spending a couple of days on home ground. As usual, Jin and Yamapi were on their date, something that they did when Yamapi was in town.
Jin paused, his chopsticks almost reaching the sea urchin sushi he was eyeing.
“I can tell, from the way you fucked me earlier, your mind was somewhere else.”
Placing his chopsticks back on the table, Jin faced Yamapi straight on.
“I’ll bet I know who it is,” Yamapi went on, chewing on a particularly springy piece of squid sushi.
“Yamapi….I….” Jin began.
“It’s that Kamenashi isn’t it? He’s just the type of person that you would be attracted to.”
From Jin’s silence, Yamapi knew that he had hit the nail on the head.
Yamapi smiled wearily, “So, does this stop now? Our relationship? We did say it would.”
The both of them went way back. Jin and Yamapi were best buddies in school. They were together all the time. Jin could not even recall a time when Yamapi was not in his life, or when it was that they started fooling around with each other, eventually having sex now and then. They must have been in their late teens. Yamapi had known for most of his life that he wanted to be pilot. They had gone out to celebrate Yamapi passing his pilot exams, and had shared a nice night together. Just before Yamapi left for his first assignment, they agreed to have an open relationship. They would be together, but it was ok to have sex with other people, if it was only just sex. If one of them fell in love with someone else, their relationship would be over. That was their pact.
“No, I still love you,” Jin finally ate the sushi he was aiming for.
“But you’re falling in love with him,” Yamapi said after a pause. The waitress had come to place their tempura order before them.
“He’s not looking my way, not yet anyway,” Jin picked up a prawn and placed it on Yamapi’s plate, “let’s continue the way we are.”
“Why don’t you just tell him who you are? It’ll make it so much easier, and I don’t have to play along myself,” Yamapi ate his prawn.
“Don’t whine, you’re hardly around to play along anyway,” Jin grinned at his friend, “besides, he has to accept me for me, not for anything else.”
“Whatever,” Yamapi shrugged between mouthfuls of rice, “I might leave you first though, you’ll never know.”
“Well, I’ll cry for what we had when it happens,” Jin replied, draining his sake cup and pouring himself another.
“Be sure that you do. We are awesome,” chuckling, Yamapi offered up his cup to be filled as well.
*
As the days passed, things got gradually better. Ryo was true to his word. He flew back to Tokyo and cleaned up the PR mess he had created. Ryo’s reps spun PR magic and made Kame come out valiant and gracious, which he actually was, but the tabloids liked to spice things up, and he often came off worse off. Not this time though, thanks to Ryo. Kame had a very civil dinner with him to iron everything out, and at the end of the meal, Kame even managed a smile, and wished him all the best in his new relationship.
With Ryo out of the picture, Kame became even more intolerable, as Koki lamented to Jin one day. He was even more on-the-clock and efficient than usual, packing his calendar so tight that it was a wonder he could breathe. Koki certainly could not, and he was only trying to keep up.
“Jin! Thank God you’re here, you’ve gotta save me, he’s driving me insane!” If Koki had any more hair, he would have been balder than bald from the way his hands were tugging at the few strands that he has.
“That bad huh? Maybe I shouldn’t even be here,” Jin hesitated. This was his first visit to Kame after that day at Kame’s country house. Jin thought it best to leave Kame alone for him to settle whatever he had to settle with Ryo.
“Don’t you dare leave me,” Koki panicked, “Everyone is pulled as tight as a size 6 elastic pants on a size 20 person! Look! I don’t think Suzuki-kun can last much longer with how Kame is overworking him!”
Said assistant was at the moment stumbling out of Kame’s office with a mountain of files stacked high enough to cover almost all of him. Jin looked at Kame through the glass walls of the office, and seeing Kame deeply engrossed in a document while talking to someone animatedly on the phone, Jin could not help a small grin from forming.
“He’s been burying himself with work day in day out,” Koki commented, looking at the same scene as Jin was. “He’s like a robot sometimes, and whatever I say doesn’t get through his metal skull. He’ll go crazy at this rate, heck, all of us are going crazy already,” Koki made a random gesture but Jin could see the other staff fluttering around like frenzied flamingoes.
A quick knock that was completely ignored later, Jin strolled into Kame’s office and sat himself down on the white sofa, watching Kame work.
“Look Taguchi-san, I don’t care if those are your best models. They are not good enough! Would you like me to go to another agency? Uh huh? Uh huh? Right. I thought so. Show me something decent by next week, if not, I’ll take my business somewhere else…uh huh…I’m glad we have an understanding…uh huh….I look forward to next week then. Ok…ok…goodbye.”
Without looking up from his call, Kame pressed the intercom for his assistant, “Suzuki-kun, where is the file on the concept store with Daimaru, I thought I asked you for it 15 minutes ago, and get Koki in here, we have to discuss the market trends……GOOD GOD! When on earth did you come in?”
It was only then that Kame noticed Jin in the room.
“Sometime before Taguchi-san not being able to give you the models you want,” Jin shrugged and put his feet up, knowing that it annoyed Kame.
“I have no time for you, Akanishi. Unlike you, I have work to do,” Kame’s hand was held up in anticipation of a file that his assistant was about to hand to him. When it took too long, Kame clicked his tongue, scaring the poor assistant into dropping all the files in his hand.
“You know, Suzuku-kun,” Kame said once the file was hurriedly handed to him, “there is a long line of boys, much better looking and much more capable than you waiting for your job…….”
“Suzuki-kun,” Koki interrupted just in time, “there are some courier packages for Kame-chan, maybe you should see to it?”
Once the assistant ran out of ear shot, Kame said without looking up from his file, “Are you sleeping with him Koki? You always rescue him in the nick of time.”
“I’m just trying to save you from doing something you will regret. You actually do like him as an assistant, you only forget when you’re absorbed with work and you scare the shit out of him,” feeling incredulous, Koki sat himself down next to Jin, who was grinning his dog-like grin as usual.
“Don’t you have anything else better to do, Jin?” Kame sighed, and leaned back against his chair, as though Jin’s presence was all he needed to take a break.
“You miss me, admit it,” Jin replied good-naturedly.
Kame schooled his face to show no emotion, but he did indeed miss Jin. Over the course of the days after the time they spent in his country house, Kame found that in the midst of the flurry of activity he had created for himself, there were seconds of quiet moments that he would look up hoping to see the sloppy disaster that is Akanishi Jin on the sofa across from his desk. He did not know why he felt that way, and so he tried to fill up those quiet seconds as much as he could.
Standing up, Jin strode up to Kame with heavy booted footsteps and pulled Kame out from behind his desk. He dragged Kame to the door even as Kame tried to wriggle free.
“What are you doing?!”
“Let’s go out somewhere!”
“What? now?! I can’t!”
“It’s 6pm. Don’t you knock off at 6pm?”
“It’s actually only 5.58pm,” Kame retorted, glancing at the giant wall clock that told the exact time.
Jin rolled his eyes and tugged Kame harder.
“Wait! I can’t!! I have a meeting scheduled with the fabric supplier at 6.30pm, and after that I have my massage session at 8.00pm, and then…….”
“Why can’t Koki handle the meeting?” Jin asked.
“What? No! I always attend the meetings……”
“It’s ok, Kame-chan, it’s the fabric supplier, and I might not know a lot of things, but I know fabric. Just go with Jin……”
“But, Koki…..you need…..”
“KAME-CHAN! PLEASE! Just go! You need some air! I need some air from you, even if you don’t!” Koki raised his voice and Kame was silenced, reluctantly allowing Jin to pull him out, not before running back to grab his BlackBerry from the table.
All Koki could do was shake his head as he watched the two of them disappear out the door.
*
“We’re going on that?!” Kame looked disgusted at the vehicle before him, a very sleek, very expensive Ducati motorcycle in midnight black. “Why can’t we take my Porsche? Sitting on a bike will mess my hair up, and my clothes,” Kame looked down at his well-pressed, well-coordinated outfit and then up at Jin in irritation.
“Your Porsche is a convertible. Your hair gets messy anyway,” Jin busied himself adjusting the straps of his spare helmet for Kame.
“Yes, but I only put the top down when I plan for a wind-blown look. I did not plan to have helmet hair today. Doesn’t go with the outfit. And besides, I can’t leave my car here. I need it to get to work tomorrow, I have an early morning meeting and…..” Kame complained.
“Oh shut up! I’ll send you to work tomorrow if I have to. I want to bring you somewhere, so you have to come along on my terms. I went along with your terms the last time,” Jin placed the helmet over Kame’s perfectly gelled hair amidst much protest. There was something about Jin’s close proximity that made Kame’s stomach twist a little. His stomach twisted even more as he straddled the bike behind Jin. Jin took Kame’s hands and wrapped it around his waist, and Kame was flushed against Jin’s body, feeling every sinew in his back.
They zipped through the busy streets of Shinjuku, onto a highway. It seemed like Jin was headed towards the Tokyo Bay area, but Kame could not be sure. They were going so fast that everything seemed like a blur, and also because he could not focus on anything else but Jin’s muscles tensing and relaxing as he maneuvered the bike around the bends and curves of the road.
Suddenly, there was a change in the air. It turned crisper, with the smell of the waters. Kame looked around to see that they had left the city behind and were in the dockland area. Jin stopped the bike in front of a Lawson’s. He stepped down and took of his helmet, shaking his unruly hair out. He pulled his hair up in a messy ponytail, tendrils falling framing his face in a way that Kame fleetingly thought was so very handsome until he collected himself.
“Where are we?” Kame asked, lifting his visor.
“We’re not quite there yet, but I’m getting us some dinner. What would you like?”
“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you’re having. It’s all going to taste bad anyway,” Kame knew he sounded like a spoilt brat, but he could not help it. He was feeling jittery, partly from the fact that he has yet to call to reschedule his massage appointment, and partly from being so close to Jin. The first one, he quickly rectified while Jin was in the store, the second one, he did not know what to do about.
It was another 10 minutes from the conbini when Jin stopped and parked. It was a little enclave of some sort. The place was secluded, it seemed like it was a secret only Jin knew. Kame got off and removed his helmet, leaving his hand on his head. Jin was busying himself with the bags of food that he had hung on the handlebars during the ride and took him a while to notice what Kame was doing.
“Kame? What the fuck? Take your hand away.”
“No. I have helmet hair, and it’s disgraceful. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya for goodness sake.”
“There’s no one here to look at you. You’re not going to be able to climb down with your hand on your head.”
“Climb down?” Kame’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, over there,” Jin gestured to a mysterious looking area under the steel frames of the rainbow bridge, a grassy slope leading down to the banks.
Reluctantly, Kame brought his hand down to his side, and Jin had to stop himself from laughing out loud. Kame did look a little ridiculous, his usually well-styled hair all flat, and plastered on his head.
“Thanks for nothing,” Kame spat, walking past Jin and looking down the slope to see where they would land up.
Chuckling, Jin spun Kame around by the shoulders and ran his fingers through Kame’s hair, spiking it up, styling it. Kame, taken aback, stood still. His breath hitched with Jin’s close presence. He could smell Jin’s scent, and along with the fingers in his hair, his spine tingled.
“There. All good now. Right, let’s go down,” Jin patted Kame’s head and offered his hand.
“it’s not ‘all good now’. Now my hair is just as messy as yours!” Kame grumbled but he took Jin’s hand and stumbled down behind Jin.
The moment his feet touched the pebbled banks of the bay, he knew why this was Jin’s place. It was just about sunset, and the view in front of him was magnificent. In this little spot, beneath the bridge, the Tokyo skyline was breathtaking, hued golden by the setting sun, juxtaposed by the still waters. Kame knew that as the sun disappears and the lights come up, it would look absolutely stunning.
“Jin, it’s beautiful,” Kame gapped, “I didn’t know such beauty existed in this part of Tokyo.”
“It’s my little discovery,” Jin said as he made himself comfortable on the bank. He tossed Kame a can of beer, which Kame caught with finesse, and indicated for Kame to sit beside him.
They sat side by side, not speaking, as they ate their conbini dinner. Kame did not know if it was the view, but somehow, the food he was eating neatly to Jin’s shoveling, tasted good. The beer he was drinking warmed him, and he found himself loosening up for the first time in a long time.
“I found this place by accident some years ago. I’ve always liked the smell of the sea, and the wind in my face as I ride my bike, so I come here often. This is a place I come to be inspired. I could sit here for hours, watching how the passing of time changes the cityscape,” Jin did not look at Kame as he spoke, choosing instead to fix his eyes on the sky that has since gone dark.
“What do you get inspired for? What exactly is it that you do, Jin?” It was a question that has been sitting on Kame’s lips the moment he met Jin. It was only now that he allowed it to fall out.
“What do you think I do, Kamenashi? I’m sure you must have some idea.” There was a slight tease in Jin’s voice that Kame did not appreciate.
“You’re a careless, sloppy bum that spends his days sponging off other people, like drinking all the coffee in my office for example,” Kame huffed.
“Close, very close,” Jin’s melodious laughter cut through the night air, and for a second, all Kame wanted to do was to pull those laughing lips closer to his.
“Well, what you do is not for me,” Kame resisted.
“It’s not about what someone does, Kamenashi, it’s about who someone is,” there was a resolute tone in Jin’s voice that Kame could not reply to. So he did not. And they plunged into silence again, the only sounds being the sipping they made as they drank their beer.
“Kamenashi, what are you doing?!” Jin had finished his third can of beer to Kame’s two before he decided to engage Kame in conversation. However, when he turned, he saw Kame typing furiously on his BlackBerry.
“Tidying up my schedule for tomorrow, and sending some emails,” Kame replied, not looking up. “We’re not doing anything here, so I thought I might as well make use of the time to…....HEY! GIVE IT BACK!”
Jin had grabbed the device out of Kame’s hands. Kame jostled as Jin attempted to tuck it in his back jeans pocket. Kame pounced on Jin and toppled him onto his back, himself falling on top of him. The BlackBerry was now long gone into Jin’s pocket, but it did not matter anymore, not when the air suddenly became so thick that it made breathing difficult. Kame was looking into Jin’s eyes, sparkling, reflecting the lights of the city. Jin lifted himself up on his elbows, closing the distance between them.
“Kame,” Jin muttered softly, and Kame’s eyes shifted to focus on Jin’s lips. Jin’s tongue darted out to wet the slightly chapped skin, and in a rare move, Kame did not think, he just did.
And then, they were kissing. Wet, noisy kisses, tasting each other, bodies pressed together. Jin’s lips were as soft as he had remembered, but his taste, it was something different, beyond the bitterness of the beer, there Jin was, raw and intoxicating. Jin’s very taste engulfed Kame completely. He clung tightly to Jin, feeling Jin’s strong arms tighten around him as well. Kame’ s mouth sucked harder, tongue entertwined with Jin’s, and it was so delicious. Jin moaned, and pressed in further. Their burgeoning erections rubbed against each other as they grinded unconsciously, guided by their want, their need to come together. It was powerful, it was addictive, it was out of control.
Feelings Kame did not recognise swirled within him, confusing him, messing him up. He was sober, not like before, at that after party, and suddenly, a wave of fear enveloped him. Afraid of himself, afraid of how his body was reacting, Kame pushed Jin away forcefully and stood up. Jin, stunned by Kame’s actions, simply stayed where he was, lips swollen and red, hair all mused and unruly, eyes frozen in bewilderment.
“No,” Kame said more to himself than to anyone else, “No, I can’t…..no…..” he shook his head, unable to stop.
“Kame, Kame, look at me, look at me, please,” trying to calm Kame down, Jin stood up too. He took Kame by the shoulders and shook him gently but firmly, “KAZUYA! Look at me!”
When Kame finally did, Jin’s eyes transformed into pools of deep affection, a place where Kame felt he could drown in.
“I’m about to say something important here, so I want you to listen well,” it was the first time Kame has seen Jin so serious. Kame nodded.
Jin took a deep breath. It was not easy for him to do what he was about to, to put everything out there, exposed, vulnerable.
“I’m in love with you….” Jin began.
Kame gasped in shock, and opened his mouth to say something, but Jin silenced him with an index finger to Kame’s lips, “Ssshh…I said listen.” The finger caressed Kame’s bottom lip, and Kame’s words died in his throat.
“I’ve been falling for you, bit by bit, ever since chocolate mousse,” Jin’ lips had found their way to Kame’s neck, and they were nibbling an undetermined path, causing Kame to summon all his self-control not to buckle.
“Chocolate m-mousse?” Kame gasped.
“Yes,” Jin whispered behind Kame’s ear, “when we first met. The look of fury on your face, so alive, so passionate, you were a vision.”
“You love me?” Kame pulled away, putting some distance between Jin and himself.
“I do,” Jin affirmed, standing straight and proud, emitting a vibe that Kame had not felt from Jin before.
“Then why….now……?”
“Many reasons, some of which you know,” Jin’s voice never wavered, “but mainly because I was waiting, waiting for you to do what you did just now. To kiss me, on your own accord. Waiting for you to love me in return.”
“L-love…you in…return?” Kame stepped backwards 2 steps. He was not used to this change in Jin, this take-charge demeanor that was as attractive as it was disconcerting at the same time.
It was time Kame regained his composure, “How can I love you? I don’t even know you. It’s impossible to have feelings for you, let alone love you, Akanishi.”
“See?” Jin smiled, “this fire within you, this is why I love you. The schedules, the planning to the absolute second, it’s not you, Kame. You’re so much more than that.”
“That is who I am, Jin,” Kame clenched his fist, insulted and angry now, “I am all about schedules and plans. We don’t fit, you’re a mess, you’re disruptive. I lead my life fine without you.”
“Then why did you kiss me, Kamenashi?”
“I-I only kissed you because I miss what I had with Ryo, and you were just there, free for the taking. You’re easy,” Kame lied, and instantly regretted it when he saw the disappointment in Jin’s eyes.
“Is that how you see me? Is that who I am to you, Kazuya? After everything?”
“What everything?” Kame retorted, “What have you done for me except show up when I don’t want you to, when you completely and utterly turn my life upside down?!” Kame spun on his heels and started the climb back up to the main street.
“Kazuya,” Jin called and Kame stopped, “I’ve fallen for you. I’m not going to pick myself up anytime soon.”
Kame’s face betrayed no emotion when he turned back to face Jin. He saw a glimmer of hope in Jin’s eyes, and almost caved. Instead, he put out his hand. Jin looked at it questioningly.
“My BlackBerry, Akanishi. I need it back.”
Sighing, Jin reached into his back pocket, took the device out, and handed it back to Kame. Their fingers brushed.
“I like my life the way it is. I don’t need you, or anyone, to mess it up for me. I don’t want to ever see you again, is that clear, Akanishi?”
Without turning back, Kame left that magical place, where only Jin seemed to exist.
*
Koki was beside himself with stress and worry. Jin was supposed to help, not make things worse. Kame had been almost completely robotic the past week, after that one renegade evening with Jin. Kame did not stray from his schedule even for a minute. It was like clockwork. Even an extra 5 minutes of well-deserved sleep was not permitted. It was as though Kame had no soul, even though he kept up his smiles and sparkling personality in public. He was still charismatic, and his staff and clients respected him, but Koki knew something was off, the way Kame was not letting anything real into his life. It seemed like Kame did not even want Koki’s friendship, when every single one of their conversations was about work, work and more work. What’s more, Koki noticed that Jin had not been popping up the way he annoyingly did anymore.
But, it was only when Koki, one late night, spotted Kame still in his office, staring at nothing in the distance, that he decided that it was time for an intervention. He had to knock on the glass door a few times before Kame realized that he was knocking.
“What is it, Koki?” Kame snapped back into work mode, going back to the file that lay open on his desk, “anything wrong with the consignment order? I’ve been pretty worried about that. I hate it when I can’t control the shipment times.”
“No, nothing is wrong with the order, it’s on the way,” Koki frowned, “The thing that is wrong is you. What’s been going on, Kame-chan?”
“What do you mean?” Kame grimaced a little, “I’m fine. Work’s been busy, you know that.”
“Work always keeps you busy, but not like this. Not like how you are now.”
“There’s nothing wrong, Koki,” Kame tried a reassuring smile.
It was not fooling Koki. “Does it have anything to do with the fact that Jin doesn’t come here anymore?”
Kame’s smile dropped. He ignored Koki and checked some emails.
“I have to go home in 4 minutes. My night routine takes exactly 72 minutes to complete, and I need to sleep by 1am so that I have 6 hours sleep before I get up to go to the gym tomorrow morning,” Kame rambled as he shut down his computer.
“Kame-chan, talk to me, this is not like you,” Koki cajoled.
That did it. “WHY DOES EVERYONE PRESUME THEY KNOW ME? THAT THEY KNOW MY LIFE?” It was like all the pressure in Kame’s chest exploded with those words. He heaved as the tightness relieved itself, and slumped his head into his hands.
“Kame-chan, talk to me,” Koki coaxed again.
“He told me he loves me,” Kame’s words were low, almost inaudible.
“Come again? Who told you?” Koki leaned closer, not sure if he heard right.
“Akanishi. Jin. He told me he loves me,” Kame looked up, eyes troubled.
“And?”
“And! It’s just ridiculous! How can someone like him love someone like me? We’re so different, opposites! He has no respect for time, and his very presence annoys me! It’s just ridiculous! It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Kame ranted.
Koki merely shrugged, “If you don’t feel the same way, just tell him. Why are you beating yourself up over it?”
“I-I’m not,” Kame realized belatedly that he overreacted, “and I did. Tell him, I mean. In fact, I told him I never want to see him again.”
“But you do want to see him again,” Koki could be surprisingly astute when he wanted to be.
“No! Yes…maybe…I don’t know!” Kame fidgeted with his cufflinks.
“What’s stopping you?” Koki interrogated, forcing Kame to say what he had been thinking in his head.
“With Ryo, it was as it should be. It was so easy. I could maintain my life, and have my relationship. Nothing changed, everything stayed the same. I liked it. It suited me.”
“And Jin?”
Kame took a breath, “Jin turns my life upside down. He makes a mess out of me, I do things I don’t ordinarily do. My world derails off its tracks. Everything is topsy turvy, and it’s just…..just…….”
“Maybe it’s time for a change. You’ve been living this way for too long,” Koki’s voice of reason was steady and calm.
“But, order is my life. I need order. And Jin, Jin is chaos personified!”
“Were you happy?” Koki asked pointedly.
“What?”
“You heard me, were you happy when you were with Jin?”
“I-I…” Kame was at a loss for words. He knew what he felt, but he was rejecting it. He looked down, defeated. “I don’t think this is what love is supposed to be,” his tone was one of slight despair.
“Was what you had with Ryo love? You said so that you didn’t think it was.”
Perplexed, Kame groaned and pounded his head on his desk. “Stop asking me such hard questions, Koki.”
Koki studied his friend for a while before he spoke again.
“Why do you think they call it falling in love, instead of, say, standing still in love, walking upright in love? Maybe it’s called falling in love because it is supposed to be unglamorous and dirty, supposed to upset your life, stir it around, change it, until you’re one big mess. Maybe that is what falling, and being in love is all about,” Koki stood up and patted Kame on the shoulder.
“Think about it, Kame-chan, and I’m sure someone is waiting for your answer,” Koki smiled and walked out of Kame’s office, and Kame wondered when it was that Koki became so wise.
*
It was the most difficult thing Kame had ever done, but he did it. He talked himself into dialing Jin’s number. Jin had picked up, but did not give away any emotion when he spoke. Jin had acceded to Kame’s request to meet and talk, and had given Kame an address. Kame was slightly taken aback when he turned his Porsche round the final turn as instructed by his GPS to find himself looking at a tall building with the words “WONDER RECORDS” classily displayed at the front entrance. It was late at night, so Kame did not bother with the underground parking. He stopped his car in the driveway and walked through the automated doors.
Did Jin work here? Maybe that’s why he managed the collaboration with 1582 and Wonder so well. But, Jin said that he had a friend working here, not he himself. Kame was puzzled as he walked towards the security desk.
“Ah, Kamenashi-san. Our President is expecting you.”
“Your President? You must be mistaken, I’m not here for a business meeting, but to see someone….” Kame knew he sounded a little bit stupid.
“You’re here to see Akanishi-san, right sir?”
“Yes,” Kame nodded and swallowed at the same time.
“He’s waiting for you at the private residence. 40th floor. Please follow me.”
Dazed, Kame followed the guard to a private lift off the main lift lobby. It was only when the lift was on its way up with Kame in it that it finally dawned on Kame who he was about to see.
*
The elevator doors opened into a large, sleek, modern apartment. It was not pristine and sterile like Kame’s own penthouse, but it was tastefully done. Colour accents peppered the décor, be it with furniture or the paintings on the walls. As much as the contents of the apartment looked new, it looked lived in. A coat placed carelessly over the sofa, unwashed dishes still on the kitchen counter, many hats randomly tossed in various areas of the room. And there, in the middle of it all, was Jin, sitting on an old and faded, but comfortable looking leather armchair nursing what looked like a glass of brandy in his hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” was the first thing that Kame said.
“Would it have made a difference if I had?” Jin stood up, and Kame saw that he was dressed in a raggedy grey wifebeater and loose cotton boxers. The outfit, if it could be called that, somehow made Jin more desirable to Kame. There was something authentic to Jin, not masked by the pretentiousness of nice clothes. A concept that Kame had used to hide behind of for years.
Kame did not say anything, even though he knew that it would have made a difference, and he knew that Jin knew it too. But, it did not make a difference now, that was what mattered. Kame stepped up to close the distance between them until he could almost reach out to touch Jin, but not quite yet.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want this to be all you saw when you looked at me,” Jin closed that distance and cupped Kame’s cheek in the palm of his hand. “My job, who I am on paper, it’s not who I really am. Who I really am, I’ve shown you, you knew, you know, who I really am, and now, you are here.” Jin smiled.
“Tell me why I’m here Jin,” Kame mirrored Jin’s actions, feeling Jin’s soft skin on his own, “tell me,” Kame whispered.
“You’re here because you want to be loved by me, and to love me in return,” Jin said it with such absoluteness that Kame shivered.
“I don’t know how to do this, I don’t do well with messes, they make me go crazy……” Kame’s voice shook.
“I’ve seen you crazy, I love you even with all the crazy,” Jin bent forward and pressed a chaste kiss on Kame’s lips, making Kame sigh and collapse against Jin. “Does this mean I'm crazy too? “ Jin asked tenderly.
Feeling safe in Jin’s embrace, Kame shook his head slowly against Jin’s neck, infused with the very scent of Jin. Jin lifted Kame’s head up by his chin and kissed him good and proper. Kame lost himself in the kiss, it was familiar, yet different, at the same time. He felt every movement of Jin’s body against him, and he wanted Jin so much. The desire coursed through him, and for a moment, he was scared. There was the out of control feeling again. Kame pushed Jin gently away, but kept him close. He saw that Jin was panting, face flushed, and he noticed that he was to.
“I-I need order, Jin, some semblance of order, I can’t function without a plan,” Kame spoke in earnest.
Jin listened with a tilt of his head, a slight grin on his lips that Kame could not help but return.
“I’m serious,” Kame nudged Jin playfully, but let Jin unbutton his shirt and take it off. Jin dropped it on the floor, but Kame picked it up, folded it and placed it neatly on the coffee table. As he did so, his face scrunched up a little at the mug ring stains. Jin laughed and pulled Kame in.
“Whatever you need for you to love me just as much as I love you,” Jin nipped Kame’s earlobe, eliciting a hiss and then a moan when he nuzzled in and sucked the skin behind Kame’s ear. “But, the Jin-time on your daily schedule could get pretty messed up, do you think you can handle it?” Jin voice was low and husky.
“Hmmm…”Kame hummed in assent, “but tell me one thing,” he said between kisses.
“What is it?” Jin asked, grinding against Kame to show how eager he was.
“Why and how are you the President of Wonder Records?” Kame really wanted to know.
“Seriously? Right now?” Jin looked at Kame incredulously as a hand went down to cup and squeeze Kame’s groin, “Isn’t it against the rules to do something out of schedule?” Jin growled in Kame’s ear and it was all Kame could do to stay standing.
“Oh, and what do I have penned in?” Kame breathed, nibbling Jin’s lower lip.
“Sex with Jin,” Jin replied as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
Chuckling, Kame brought them to kiss again. As the kissing and touching got more urgent and desperate, as they got rid of all their clothes, as they settled on Jin’s 3-seater badly upholstered couch that seemed like it has not been steamed in months, Kame realized that life could do with a little mess from time to time. It made it real, it made it worth living. And falling in love did not have to be so scary, when he had such strong loving arms to catch him and hold him up when he fell.