Fic: "Nothing In This World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl" (1/2)
Title: "Nothing In This World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl" (1/2)
Author: meanmrcatsup
Pairing: Blake Lively/Leighton Meester
Fandom: Gossip Girl RPF
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,405
Summary: An appearance on Martha Stewart leads to unexpected revelations.
Notes: Big thanks to yesssirrr for beta-ing AGES ago. Never written any fanfic before-and yes, 10,000 words. Don't worry I'm rolling my eyes too.
~~~
“So, I have some news…about Penn and me.”
“Uh huh…” Leighton doesn’t care about Penn and Blake. She doesn’t like Blake-not like that-because that would be hopeless and pathetic. It would also make her kind of gay, which she’s not. She’s not.
“Penn asked me to move in with him!” Blake’s eyes squint with what certainly seems to be genuine glee.
Motherfuck. Leighton’s self-denial shatters. But it’s far too late now.
“Oh…uh. Cool. That’s great Blake.” Leighton’s exterior visage remains calm, despite her insides suddenly turning over on themselves. She knows that she has the shock to thank for her blank expression, because she certainly doesn’t feel in control.
They aren’t supposed to move in together. It’s well-manufactured publicity, not a real relationship; everyone knows this. At least, until this moment, that’s what Leighton had thought.
Apparently, Leighton was supposed to squee at Blake’s news, based on the look of disappointment and confusion currently passing over Blake’s face. “Aren’t you happy for me?”
“What? No, sure, I am. I just didn’t realize you guys were that serious.” Leighton’s voice rings out more glum than reassuring.
“Leighton, we’ve been going out for like two years.”
Two years. Duh. What the hell made you think someone would stay in a fake relationship for that long without something real at the core of it? It shouldn’t matter this much to Leighton, but somehow Blake’s future keeps screaming out at her…For now, they move in together. Soon enough, an engagement. Marriage. To Penn-OK. Stop panicking. She’s staring at you again. Say something.
“Well, let’s see. Maybe, it’s because Josh Schwartz had more to do with cooking up your relationship than you did.” Shit, that came out harsher than it should have.
Leighton can’t seem to stop her feelings of jealousy, frustration, and embarrassment from being directed outward at the blonde. Maybe she’s overcompensating-okay, she’s definitely overcompensating-but it’s better than bursting into tears or trying to break up two fully committed adults. Leighton might like Blake but she won’t play the home wrecker.
And so begins a pattern of strained interaction that Leighton can’t help but reenact every time she sees her would-be paramour; especially when Penn’s name pops up.
~~~
A few months later, Blake is waiting, impatiently. Why would today be an exception? They're only appearing on Martha Stewart! Of course, it’s not a huge deal-but there's no reason to be late.
It doesn't seem to matter much to Leighton recently because nearly every time they have to do some kind of publicity together, she’s either arriving late or leaving as soon as they've finished. She seems driven to spend as little time with Blake as possible.
Granted, when they're on the set, there's not much choice; but outside of that forced workplace interaction, Blake and Leighton aren't quite friends. So now Blake waits, sitting in Martha’s green room, trying to focus on memorizing her lines for later instead of thinking about the absent brunette. It's not working.
Blake knows that Leighton always teases the cast, especially when they deserve it. Prime example: Ed’s tattoo. But lately Blake is her number one target. Blake’s a big girl, she can take it. Or at least she hopes she can.
She certainly can’t simply ask Leighton if there’s anything bothering her-not without giving Leighton more fodder to use against her. She’ll just put her head down, laugh along with Leighton’s ribbing and things will work themselves out.
Tapping her foot nervously, Blake checks her phone, for the fourth time-15 minutes until they're supposed to tape their segment and no word, no sign whatsoever from Leighton.
A red-headed, clipboard-toting PA pops her head into the green room, having just recently been alerted to a possible deviation from the plan for Martha Episode 528.
"So...Blake...any idea where 'B' is?" she jokes, poorly. "Because, if she doesn't show up, I'm not really sure what we'll do. I mean, I'll have to check with Martha, because she thought there would be two of you. Maybe one of you would be okay...But Martha really prefers it when things go as planned. She's not really into surprises...." The PA's confidence about solving this little hiccup seems to dwindle the more she thinks about it.
Blake tries to diffuse the tension, "Leighton will be here. I'm sure her cab just got held up or something. If you want I'll call her, and see where she is."
"Phew. Yes. Please. Because she has like 10 minutes. So her hair and makeup better be ready...if not, we'll have to delay...Martha doesn't appreciate delays. And I'd have to tell her that we were running late..." the PA's eyes widen, scanning the room for more oxygen, mind churning..."It couldn't be that bad," she mumbles while exiting.
Blake sits back down and dials Leighton's number. She knows Leighton will show. They had talked about how much fun it was going to be just yesterday. Well, she talked...Leighton just nodded mostly.
"Hello?" Leighton scoffs into her phone, already in a terrific mood.
"Hi. I just wanted to see where you were. I thought you'd be here already." Blake tries to start things off on the right foot-they have to do this interview together after all.
"Ugh. Well, I just got here." Blake can practically hear Leighton's eyes roll over the phone, but she keeps up the polite veneer, "Right, cool. Because we only have like five minutes."
Leighton groans in frustration. Leighton rarely exhibits any patience for Blake's somewhat anal-retentive obsession with punctuality and makes no attempt to hide it, "God, Lively, it's just Martha Stewart-it's not the fucking apocalypse."
"Yeah, I get that." Blake grates her teeth, "But it's fucking unprofessional."
Click. "She hung up!" Blake looks at her phone in disbelief and chucks it onto the couch, griping under her breath, "Friggin' bitch."
"I hung up because I'm standing right behind you. So Lively, do you have something you'd like to say to my face? Leighton's eyes narrow. Blake's seen this look before-it's far more unnerving in a non-Waldorf context.
But before Blake can wipe the surprise from her face, the red-headed PA appears in the doorway, momentarily averting disaster, "You're here! Phew! Ok, good. Let's move it ladies. Martha's nearly ready for you."
Blake smiles smugly and shrugs her shoulders, knowing that the PA has saved the two of them from an all-out battle. It may be a temporary reprieve, but Blake will take what she can get.
Somewhat rashly, she walks up to Leighton, towering over her, she puts her index finger on Leighton's lips and whispers, "Better be on your best behaviour Leighton. The whole world is watching." Blake isn’t sure whether she’s trying to be cute or antagonistic, but the look Leighton shoots her certainly gives Blake pause. Blake doesn’t do this. She doesn’t do confrontation. Especially not with Leighton.
Leighton's eyes flare and her chin sets in anger. This is far from finished. However, they have no choice but to follow the PA and take their places on Martha's set.
Martha, naturally, is far away from the audience or any unscripted interaction with her guests. The red-headed PA runs off to report to Martha, leaving Blake and Leighton standing in front of the studio audience together.
While this brief moment may only last three minutes, to Blake, it seems like it will never end. She's having second thoughts about antagonizing Leighton, first calling her a bitch and then prodding at the caged tigress. She knows the fury that Leighton can unleash from her tiny frame and knows her skin might not be thick enough to withstand Leighton's claws.
Blake studies the girl in front of her, who's apparently itching for this stupid publicity crap to be over-probably so that she can kick Blake's ass, possibly literally. Leighton doesn't say one word to Blake while they wait for Martha. Remaining silent is far more effective in sowing seeds of doubt in Blake’s mind. Leighton simply stares directly at Blake and smiles with certainty. As she feels Leighton’s intimidating gaze sapping her confidence, Blake realizes that she’s bitten off more than she can chew with this one.
At one time Blake just wanted to play nice and make friends with her co-star. The show was only her second major-acting gig and she thought that, like Serena and Blair, she and Leighton would be close, even besties. For a while it all seemed to be heading in that direction, but everything seems to be gradually sliding into the sewers. Lately, Leighton can barely stand to be in the same room as her, and if they are in the same room, she makes sure Blake wishes they weren’t.
And now. Well. A giant blow-out isn't going to help things, but it’s also inevitable since Blake’s taken a stand against Leighton-which she never does. Depending on what happens, their fractured friendship might be beyond repair. Ruminating on what could have been and the state to which things have decayed, an overwhelming feelings of melancholy and regret wash over Blake. Hopefully, Leighton will let her apologize after this silly cooking segment.
The PA returns with Martha, promptly rousing Blake from her dreamy state and Leighton from her prolonged staring contest. "Ready? Good. Let's go." Martha brusquely breezes by the silent pair and takes her mark.
The studio lights blaze, illuminating the girls' best press-faces as Martha's introduces the segment, "Today, we have a wonderful treat for you. We're being joined by two of the stars from the hit CW show, Gossip Girl, which is currently airing its third season on CW, Mondays at 9. Please welcome, Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. They’ll be making a lovely lemon meringue cake with us."
The producers whip up the requisite applause from the audience, which contains mostly Martha, not Gossip Girl, fans.
In her friendly yet unenthusiastic manner, Martha comments, "So I haven't seen every episode of Gossip Girl, but I've noticed that the two of you seem to have great chemistry. That must come from being good friends in real life. You can't fake that."
Blake blinks, her eyes flitting to the ground; hesitating to delicately answer that question without simply lying. But Leighton jumps in immediately, "Oh, of course. The tabloids like to dream up stories about us feuding, but they're completely untrue. Blake and I couldn't be closer, really." Blake simply smiles and nods. She knows this is the easy answer. It's the expected answer. It's what the audience wants; it's what the network wants; it's what everyone wants. Nobody wants to hear that the Gossip Girl stars are really just good actors, who barely know each other and whose relationship could be described as platonic if not somewhat icy. So Blake smiles and plays along.
"So do you get to spend much time together off the set?"
Blake has heard these questions before, and tries to explain their lack of leisure time, "Not really. I mean, people don't understand that we're usually working 10-14 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day. I just want to go home and relax."
"Right. You see, Blake, here, is more of a homebody. Take last night for instance, I'll bet she stayed home and read a book or washed her hair--"
"Well, that's not exactly--" Blake tries in vain to defend herself.
"--even though I called her and invited to come out and have a little fun." Leighton aims a satisfied smile at Blake, because Blake won't dare to fight back while they're on the air. It would be bad publicity, and Blake prides herself on being a consummate professional.
"I must have missed that call." Blake states through clenched teeth, seething but desperately attempting to appear jovial.
Incredulous at Leighton's blatant lie, Blake knows now that Leighton is going to use every passive-aggressive tactic she can to put Blake down during the interview. She'll just have to try to play along, keep her grin fixed, and pretend that she doesn't mind Leighton busting her chops. So she unclenches her teeth and playfully throws her arm around Leighton's shoulders and tussles her hair and laughs, "Argh, see, this is why the Gossip Girl set is so much fun, Leighton just loves pushing my buttons."
Evidently, Leighton is not pleased with Blake's sudden closeness, shaking off the arm from around her shoulder and glaring back at Blake briefly.
Unwittingly diffusing some of the tension, Martha describes the day's baking segment, "Okay. Today we're going to make a lovely lemon meringue cake. Blake, why don't you start greasing those two pans and Leighton, you can help me with the dry ingredients. Don't forget that all our recipes are available on marthastewart.com."
The girls get to work on their assigned tasks, and Martha once again initiates some small talk with one of her scripted prompts, "So, Blake, besides Gossip Girl, what projects of yours can we look forward to?"
"Well, I’ve been filming a part in Boston for Ben Affleck’s new movie The Town. But mostly I just felt I needed to relax during this last hiatus, take a few months for myself."
Leighton sarcastically quips, "I know, the show is just so taxing. What did you do during the last hiatus, Lively? Read a few books? Or was it another photo-op, ahem, vacation? Seriously though, congrats on working with one of the stars of Gigli."
Despite Leighton’s interruption Blake continues, "...and there's an indie movie I did a while ago, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee."
"That's the porny one, right?" Leighton cuts her off.
“But I'm most excited about my new project-a little comic book movie called The Green Lantern with Ryan Reynolds. Originally, they were thinking of someone older, but I guess my audition convinced them I was the right girl for the part.”
“Yes, Blake, I'm sure they were very impressed with your talents.” Leighton's head makes an exaggerated dip toward Blake's chest as she pronounces the final word, leaving little doubt as to her implication.
The girls stare at each other. Both of them know Leighton just crossed the line. The only question that remains is what, if anything, Blake will do about it.
Martha, oblivious to all, follows with her next prepared question, "And, Leighton, have you had time to film anything special? Besides Gossip Girl, of course.”
Leighton halts her glare to reply, somewhat eagerly, "I have a small role in Date Night, which stars a huge hero of mine, Ms. Tina Fey, and Steve Carrell, who is hilarious, of course."
"That sounds terrific." Martha smiles blankly, either not really listening or not recognizing those minor celebrities.
"Don't forget about that horror thing," Blake finally fires a shot. "What is it again? World’s Deadliest Roommate?"
"It's just The Roommate." Leighton's eyes narrow, apparently somewhat shocked that Blake is going to fight back on-air. Murmurs spread throughout the audience, as it finally recognizes that this is clearly not how this interview was supposed to play out.
"Right, sounds like a real winner Leighton. It's not like every single CW star hasn't done a crappy horror movie in some desperate attempt to get a bigger profile."
The audience's discomfort increases while watching these two face off. Few laugh. This isn't Jerry Springer. This is Martha.
But Blake couldn't stop herself now if she cared to try, so she continues, "Oh, and, of course, there's your new record! Can't forget about that. Electropop-everyone loves electropop. And a single with the son of Alan Thicke-I did love him in Family Ties. Impressive."
"It was Growing Pains-Look, Lively, not everyone has a Magical Pants franchise to fall back on. Not everyone was born into this business and gets their parts handed to them on a silver platter. Or couch."
Martha has noticed that her guests are raising their voices and decides that baking would be a very good thing right now, so she interrupts, "Okay, come on ladies, let's get back to the cake. Blake, please hand me those eggs, we're going to mix them in with the flour."
Blake looks at the eggs, and then looks at Leighton, then back to the eggs, then back to Leighton. Leighton realizes what's coming, "Don't you fucking dare--" But Blake quickly grabs an egg in each hand and smashes them over Leighton's head. The audience gasps aloud. Martha is flabbergasted.
"Oh my god, you are so dead, Lively." Blake turns her back to retrieve more ammunition; meanwhile, Leighton snatches the milk. Blake smacks an egg on Leighton's back, yolk runs down the back of her dress. Leighton turns around with the milk and lets it fly at her face, followed quickly by Martha’s flour mixture.
Blake rubs the remnants of the broken egg into Leighton's face and pours some sugar over Leighton’s head. Beneath the counter, Leighton finds some lemon curd and dumps it down Blake's blouse. The audience is in state of complete disarray; some people are shouting, while others simply sit with hands over their mouths in bewilderment. Anger radiates from Martha's face, but there's no chance that she would intervene in this disaster.
Blake pushes Leighton aside, closer to Martha, finding the perfect weapon: the completed lemon meringue cake. She winds up to throw the cake at Leighton, who swiftly ducks as it leaves Blake's hand. It sails over her head, hitting Martha squarely in the face. The entire set stops in complete shock and silence. Leighton looks up and can't manage to suppress a small giggle.
"THAT'S IT! Somebody get these two little cunts off my set!"
PAs and producers swarm the scene as the cameras finally stop, but the damage is done.
~~~
Ushered backstage, Blake and Leighton are sequestered in the green room and security notified. The redheaded-PA, who previously seemed nervous but amiable, now treats the girls with a distinct coldness.
"Towels are by the sink. Clean yourselves up and go. And don't try to apologize to Martha."
“You got it.” Leighton agrees, abruptly closing the door of the green room and rolling her eyes. As the door shuts, she turns to Blake, who quickly grabs a facecloth and removes the flour and egg slurry coating her face.
Blake, now occupying the couch, blankly stares at the coffee table. She seems to be barely listening as Leighton begins to vent, "What the fuck was that? I mean, shit, a food fight, Lively?" Blake doesn't respond and Leighton wouldn't listen to her if she tried. Instead, Leighton does her best to rinse the sugar and eggs from her face and hair.
Though distinctly displeased, as anyone covered in goo and grit would be, Leighton's heart somehow still holds hope for something good to emerge from this mess. Their rather one-sided battles had persisted for far too long now. Leighton had treated her co-star terribly since she had realized her true feelings, all without Blake once breaking from her polite, professional demeanor. It was infuriating. And of course, it only led to escalation.
Leighton hadn’t wanted to feud with anyone on set; most of all, not with someone she truly cared about. In spite of that they fell into this trap and the further they tumbled, the more intractable the situation became. Leighton knows exactly what prompted their friendship’s sudden downward spiral, but she can’t figure out how to rectify the situation.
"That was absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, what were you thinking? On Live TV?"
She knows Blake is more than the façade she presents. Leighton gets only glimpses of what she perceives to be the real Blake. Granted, there are dozens of on-set pictures from a time when the state of the girls' relationship was a tad rosier. But Leighton is always the impetus. Blake only ever reciprocates Leighton's enthusiasm and cheerfulness.
While Leighton certainly enjoys these brief glimpses of a real friendship between the two of them, inside she knows that Blake's phoning it in. She doesn’t feel the way Leighton feels. She also knows Blake wouldn't put on the show if those rumours hadn't started during the first season about feuding. When Leighton remembers the motivation for Blake's blatant over-the-top friendliness, she often treats Blake coldly, sometimes even cruelly; especially, since she learned about Blake moving in with Penn.
"Well, good going Lively. This will definitely help dissipate our little image crisis."
But Leighton's real problem is that despite all her reservations about Blake's sincerity, she can't hate her. She tried to make herself hate her, because it would be so much easier not to care about her. Not to care about the fact that they weren't real friends; not to care about the distance between them; not to care about the artifice; not to care about any of the insults Blake had hurled at her before the food started flying.
"WELL, aren't you going to say anything for yourself?" Leighton fumes, finally turning to face the other girl.
Blake, frozen in place, her attention still fixed on the coffee table, doesn't respond. While Leighton couldn’t care less about Martha Stewart, and the attention that the food fight will inevitably attract; she understands that for Blake it's a huge deal.
~~~
Blake can't believe what just transpired. She can't believe she said those things or threw those things. Assaulted Martha Stewart. Hurt Leighton. Not physically, of course, the eggs would wash. But she did hurt her. She saw it in her eyes when she dissed the horror movie and Leighton’s singing career.
Leighton teased Blake frequently of late, sometimes even went too far-but Blake took it all in stride. Leighton teased and mocked everybody. It wasn't personal. Or so she tried to convince herself.
But what Blake had said before the food fight was personal-for a second, she wanted Leighton to feel how she felt all those times when Leighton insulted her. But as the words passed through her lips, she immediately regretted them.
She felt like it was someone else who had said those things-someone she couldn't control. As much as that frightens her, her mind is consumed by the painful mixture of shock and distress that flickered over Leighton's face as Blake's words landed on her ears. That pain is all she hears as Leighton rants from in front of the mirror. The words Leighton says don't really register and Blake can't even make eye contact. And she certainly can't stop the tears from spilling from her eyes.
~~~
Turning to see Blake in tears, Leighton's anger and frustration vanish. Her heart falls as she sees the girl she’s been berating and insulting for months silently weeping-she didn’t mean to push it this far. She wanted to exact opposite result if she’s being honest.
Taking a seat on the coffee table in front of the lachrymose girl, she leans forward, cupping Blake's cheek, looking directly into her tear-filled eyes, she meekly apologizes, "I'm sorry, Blake. For everything." After a brief moment, she places her lips softly onto Blake's. Leighton retracts her lips, but doesn't pull away. She looks down at he lips she's just kissed and can't help but go back for seconds-more passionate, more enthusiastic, more unequivocal seconds.
Leighton knows she's taken her shot. It's in Blake's hands now, but she's not kissing back. Finally pulling herself away and looking up at Blake, Leighton hopes for a glimmer of forgiveness (or a glimmer of something else) to pass over Blake's face, but so far all she sees is bewilderment.
The one girl’s confusion and the other’s fear of rejection breed a silence that seems endless. Until Leighton can't stand the tension any longer. She interprets Blake's lack of response as a negative response. Shit. She's pissed. She's not even talking to me anymore. She didn't accept my apology. Dammit, why did I kiss her? She didn't want me to kiss her. Shit shit shit. In Leighton's mind, Blake has just confirmed what she feared most-for Blake, they were simply co-workers, and always would be.
Suddenly, Blake's on her feet, "That was... Well, it was...but...right." Leighton's crushed. Blake continues pacing around the room, her eyes landing on every object in the room except Leighton. Meanwhile, Leighton's fear and regret grow in proportion to Blake's increasingly overt nervousness. So she quietly slips out of the room without Blake noticing.
Outside the green room door, Leighton is freaking. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. She's torn. Does she simply run? Part of her, the last shred of optimism, imagines that maybe, just maybe, Blake is going to burst through that door and wrap her arms around her-forgive her. But Blake doesn't come.
Leighton huddles by the door before she surrenders to pessimism. "Fuck," she mutters, this time aloud. She stands and walks as fast as she can down the hallway, as fast as she can away from Blake, and this catastrophic Martha Stewart appearance.
She knows the staff is staring at her, granted she's still partially covered in food and just instigated a food fight with their boss. Even though she knows that background, she can't connect it with the stares bearing down on her.
In Leighton's head, they all know what transpired in the green room and the staff's scorning glances are precisely the type of reaction that have kept her from expressing her true feelings, before now, at least partly. The other major part in her reluctance was the question mark in the green room covered in flour.
~~~
Blake’s pacing ceases, she slumps down the wall opposite the mirror. She remains firmly rooted to the floor of the green room, not going after Leighton. She's not even sure when Leighton left the room. She was barely processing the food fight and coincidental blow up before Leighton's lips got up close and personal. She can't exactly blame Leighton for leaving, given her rather uncommunicative state.
And it's probably better that they didn't have a conversation then and there. Because her knee-jerk reaction was definitely, Whoa, WTF? Though it was shortly followed by, Why haven't we done this before? Most of all, Blake knows she needs time to think this through, because at the moment she isn't sure what she thinks.
Blake has known Leighton for more than two years now, and she hasn't picked up on anything like this. That's what this is, right? Is there any other interpretation of what just happened?
I mean I took all Leighton's games in stride, the jibes too, Blake’s hand runs through her hair in frustration. She laughed along when Leighton fed her, hugged her or goofed around, but she assumed it was just that-goofing around. And most of that was ages ago.
Even the Rolling Stone shoot, which she's now considering from an entirely new perspective-sure, there was a decidedly sapphic and playful element to the shots, but the girls were just following the photographer's lead. Blake had pretended just like Leighton had-it's kind of their job...Right?
She certainly hasn't picked up on any previous signals Leighton was sending-it never crossed her mind. I mean Leighton has a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend. Plus, it's not like Leighton's been entirely consistent in her treatment of Blake.
Recently Blake thought Leighton hated her guts. She insulted her-more than any of other cast member. She stared at her-more than any other cast member. She avoided her-again, more than any other cast member. And she’s been with Sebastian practically as long as Blake had been hooked up with Penn. In fact, she took up with Sebastian shortly after Blake and Penn got together…
"Oh shit. How could I be so stupid?” Blake utters in realization, fighting the urge to slap her forehead.
God, I need to talk to her. Blake feels that at the very least, she has to explain herself to Leighton-explain that she’s incredibly oblivious and dense, and wasn’t just ignoring Leighton’s signals. Maybe the other girl can enlighten her likewise, because Blake clearly has had some trouble sorting her out.
First, she has to find Leighton. Blake can only assume Leighton must be on set since they have a full day's shoot-for which, shit, she's now late. And she needs a shower badly. She briefly rubs the worst of the goop from her face and body because if she shows up to set looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost, the hair and makeup people are going to kill her.
~~~
Having made her way to set, garnering more attention than she would have already received thanks to her freshly floured attire, Blake swiftly crosses the security barrier and heads for her trailer.
"Blake!"
"Crap," Blake mumbles under her breath, but flashes a quick smile at Nic, the A.D., who's flagged her down. Blake was hoping to make it to her trailer without notice, because, well, she still feels pretty filthy; moreover, Leighton might be there. But that's clearly impossible, "Nic, hey, how're things?"
"Phew, ok, great. You're here,"-breaking off into his headset, "I've got Blake on set....Right...."- "Alright, we've got to get you to hair & makeup pronto."
"Right away? I was really hoping I might be able to jump in the shower," Blake winces. It's not a full puppy dog pout, but it occasionally lets her get way. "I'm feeling kinda gross..."
"No no, don't worry about it, they'll clean you up."
As Nic leads Blake off to be primped, she looks in the direction of her trailer. Somehow she knows she should object more and insist on going to her trailer first, but she relents and follows Nic. Surely I can clear things up with Leighton later.
~~~
The warmth from the shower flows over her skin, a layer of grime separates and spirals down the drain, yet Leighton feels as though a simple shower can't alleviate her mortification. Far from rejuvenated, Leighton instead feels older and somehow smaller. Her stomach tied in knots; she closes the nozzles and steps out the shower.
Her focus is bifurcated; flitting between her embarrassment and the more prurient feelings that the kiss aroused. She hates that she enjoyed kissing Blake, especially when Blake clearly did not enjoy it-she knows it will never happen again. Of course she had to enjoy it. Couldn’t make things any easier on yourself, could you Leighton? You’re already in love with a straight girl, and now you won’t be able to get the taste of her lips out of your head.
Leighton throws on a simple white robe and starts to blow-dry her hair, before the trailer door slams open as a flurry of blond hair enters. Their eyes meet. Leighton stops the hair dryer and looks back through the mirror at Blake. "Hi," Leighton offers, with an affectation of nonchalance. She's not ignoring Blake, but she's certainly not willing to get down on her knees for the girl. It's not a big deal.
"Uh...hi. I was hoping you'd be in here." Smiling slightly, apparently trying to mimic Leighton's casual attitude, Blake flops on the couch of the trailer.
Leighton runs a brush through her hair, then swivels the makeup chair around to face Blake and asks a perfectly irrelevant question to which she obviously knows the answer, "You went to makeup?"
"Yup."
The silence hangs there for a minute, before Blake caves. "So, about what happened in the green room...I was talking to Ed in makeup and-"
"You told Ed?!?" Leighton can't keep herself from interrupting.
Blake sheepishly rambles, "Well, everyone was talking about Martha. Apparently, everyone saw it. They have that TV, right? And Ed made a comment-"
"Christ, Blake, you do realize that everyone knows now, right? Ed'll open his lips for anybody,"Leighton huffs. She turns her back to Blake, flipping her hair dryer back on and drowning out any retort.
Blake lunges forward and rips the power cord of the hair dryer from the outlet. "Look, this is important-"
"Important? So important that you couldn't say two words to me in that green room?"
"Well it all happened out of the blue...I was surprised, I guess."
Leighton's eyes roll; she’s tired of Blake playing the fool with her. "Out of the blue? Really? Fine, next time, I'll try to be a bit less subtle."
"Next time?" Blake's voice echoes with a little too much surprise.
Ha! As if Leighton would put herself out there again for this clueless girl. "Arrgh, I'm going to makeup."
"Leighton, wait, we need to talk about this."
"No, we really don't. Message received, loud and clear. If you think I need the 'we can still be friends' speech, you're mistaken. I'm fine. We're just going to pretend this never happened. Shit, we're barely friends anyway," Leighton rambles as she gets up to leave, and hopefully avoids mortal embarrassment.
"But-"
~~~
Leighton's already out the door, almost running over Chace, who apparently would've interrupted the girls' conversation regardless. Blake watches in frustration as Leighton darts around the corner without looking back.
Chace rubs his shoulder where Leighton clipped him in her rush, looking up at Blake in confusion, he asks, "Geez Blake, what's up?"
"God, I don't even know how to answer that question," Blake mumbles as she trudges back into the trailer with Chace following close behind.
Blake plops onto the couch. Chace sits and nudges Blake's shoulder with his own. Blake knows that he might not be the best person to turn to for advice, but Blake will just bottle everything up otherwise.
Blake doesn't understand what just happened with Leighton. She knew her 'chat' with Leighton probably wouldn't end in hugs and kisses, figurative or literal. But she was hoping they could have a calm rational discussion.
She doesn't know what going on in Leighton's head-obviously she never has. Biting her fingernails, she needs to know what Leighton's thinking. She needs to know that Leighton doesn't hate her for handling things the way she has-making things so awkward.
Chace interrupts her chain of thought, "So, it's the food fight, right?"
"What?"
"Whatever's bothering you…It must have something to do with the food fight…" Chace guesses, since Blake isn't offering any clues.
"No. Yes. Sort of," Blake answers, at first honestly then covering, unsure if she should share the entire story with Chace; especially after Leighton's reaction to her discussion with Ed.
"I can't imagine Josh and Stephanie will give you a hard time about it. The show might even get a nice bump. Help distinguish us from the dozens of other teen dramas on the air. That, and the lack of vampires."
"Right, sure-Wait, how'd you know about the food fight?"
"Would you believe I watch Martha Stewart?"
Blake smiles and shakes her head at him.
"Ok, fine. I ran into Ed. He might've mentioned it."
Blake immediately wants to curse that limey bastard. Instead she bites her tongue, and breathes out, finally saying, "What exactly did he tell you?"
"It really doesn't matter, Blake. We all saw this coming. Leighton could only hold herself back for so long..."
"What do you mean you all knew?"
"Leighton's never mentioned it to me personally, but it's pretty obvious Blake. To everyone."
Blake likes to think of herself as interested, even well-attuned, to other people's feelings, so this gigantic blind spot is pretty surprising. She thought Leighton must have been hiding how she felt, but now she's baffled as to how she didn't pick up on this if everyone else did.
Before Blake drifts too far off into her thoughts, Chace jumps in, "Look I didn't come here to rub it in your face, I just wanted to make sure things were...copacetic."
Blake raises an eyebrow and smirks at his word choice.
"What? I know big words...Seriously, Blake, I know this can't be easy. Two best friends with secret feelings for each other..."
Blake's fingers absented-mindedly reach up to touch her lips; suddenly dwelling on the way Leighton's lips felt when they touched hers.
Chace's words finally register, and she responds, "Huh? Leighton and I have never been best friends."
"Right...sorry, that's not you guys-Anyway, my point is you guys were close. And you're probably worried about fucking everything up."
"Not really."
"You’re not?"
"Two hours ago, we were throwing food at each other on live national television. I'm kinda thinking that things can only improve."
~~~
Part Deux
Author: meanmrcatsup
Pairing: Blake Lively/Leighton Meester
Fandom: Gossip Girl RPF
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,405
Summary: An appearance on Martha Stewart leads to unexpected revelations.
Notes: Big thanks to yesssirrr for beta-ing AGES ago. Never written any fanfic before-and yes, 10,000 words. Don't worry I'm rolling my eyes too.
~~~
“So, I have some news…about Penn and me.”
“Uh huh…” Leighton doesn’t care about Penn and Blake. She doesn’t like Blake-not like that-because that would be hopeless and pathetic. It would also make her kind of gay, which she’s not. She’s not.
“Penn asked me to move in with him!” Blake’s eyes squint with what certainly seems to be genuine glee.
Motherfuck. Leighton’s self-denial shatters. But it’s far too late now.
“Oh…uh. Cool. That’s great Blake.” Leighton’s exterior visage remains calm, despite her insides suddenly turning over on themselves. She knows that she has the shock to thank for her blank expression, because she certainly doesn’t feel in control.
They aren’t supposed to move in together. It’s well-manufactured publicity, not a real relationship; everyone knows this. At least, until this moment, that’s what Leighton had thought.
Apparently, Leighton was supposed to squee at Blake’s news, based on the look of disappointment and confusion currently passing over Blake’s face. “Aren’t you happy for me?”
“What? No, sure, I am. I just didn’t realize you guys were that serious.” Leighton’s voice rings out more glum than reassuring.
“Leighton, we’ve been going out for like two years.”
Two years. Duh. What the hell made you think someone would stay in a fake relationship for that long without something real at the core of it? It shouldn’t matter this much to Leighton, but somehow Blake’s future keeps screaming out at her…For now, they move in together. Soon enough, an engagement. Marriage. To Penn-OK. Stop panicking. She’s staring at you again. Say something.
“Well, let’s see. Maybe, it’s because Josh Schwartz had more to do with cooking up your relationship than you did.” Shit, that came out harsher than it should have.
Leighton can’t seem to stop her feelings of jealousy, frustration, and embarrassment from being directed outward at the blonde. Maybe she’s overcompensating-okay, she’s definitely overcompensating-but it’s better than bursting into tears or trying to break up two fully committed adults. Leighton might like Blake but she won’t play the home wrecker.
And so begins a pattern of strained interaction that Leighton can’t help but reenact every time she sees her would-be paramour; especially when Penn’s name pops up.
~~~
A few months later, Blake is waiting, impatiently. Why would today be an exception? They're only appearing on Martha Stewart! Of course, it’s not a huge deal-but there's no reason to be late.
It doesn't seem to matter much to Leighton recently because nearly every time they have to do some kind of publicity together, she’s either arriving late or leaving as soon as they've finished. She seems driven to spend as little time with Blake as possible.
Granted, when they're on the set, there's not much choice; but outside of that forced workplace interaction, Blake and Leighton aren't quite friends. So now Blake waits, sitting in Martha’s green room, trying to focus on memorizing her lines for later instead of thinking about the absent brunette. It's not working.
Blake knows that Leighton always teases the cast, especially when they deserve it. Prime example: Ed’s tattoo. But lately Blake is her number one target. Blake’s a big girl, she can take it. Or at least she hopes she can.
She certainly can’t simply ask Leighton if there’s anything bothering her-not without giving Leighton more fodder to use against her. She’ll just put her head down, laugh along with Leighton’s ribbing and things will work themselves out.
Tapping her foot nervously, Blake checks her phone, for the fourth time-15 minutes until they're supposed to tape their segment and no word, no sign whatsoever from Leighton.
A red-headed, clipboard-toting PA pops her head into the green room, having just recently been alerted to a possible deviation from the plan for Martha Episode 528.
"So...Blake...any idea where 'B' is?" she jokes, poorly. "Because, if she doesn't show up, I'm not really sure what we'll do. I mean, I'll have to check with Martha, because she thought there would be two of you. Maybe one of you would be okay...But Martha really prefers it when things go as planned. She's not really into surprises...." The PA's confidence about solving this little hiccup seems to dwindle the more she thinks about it.
Blake tries to diffuse the tension, "Leighton will be here. I'm sure her cab just got held up or something. If you want I'll call her, and see where she is."
"Phew. Yes. Please. Because she has like 10 minutes. So her hair and makeup better be ready...if not, we'll have to delay...Martha doesn't appreciate delays. And I'd have to tell her that we were running late..." the PA's eyes widen, scanning the room for more oxygen, mind churning..."It couldn't be that bad," she mumbles while exiting.
Blake sits back down and dials Leighton's number. She knows Leighton will show. They had talked about how much fun it was going to be just yesterday. Well, she talked...Leighton just nodded mostly.
"Hello?" Leighton scoffs into her phone, already in a terrific mood.
"Hi. I just wanted to see where you were. I thought you'd be here already." Blake tries to start things off on the right foot-they have to do this interview together after all.
"Ugh. Well, I just got here." Blake can practically hear Leighton's eyes roll over the phone, but she keeps up the polite veneer, "Right, cool. Because we only have like five minutes."
Leighton groans in frustration. Leighton rarely exhibits any patience for Blake's somewhat anal-retentive obsession with punctuality and makes no attempt to hide it, "God, Lively, it's just Martha Stewart-it's not the fucking apocalypse."
"Yeah, I get that." Blake grates her teeth, "But it's fucking unprofessional."
Click. "She hung up!" Blake looks at her phone in disbelief and chucks it onto the couch, griping under her breath, "Friggin' bitch."
"I hung up because I'm standing right behind you. So Lively, do you have something you'd like to say to my face? Leighton's eyes narrow. Blake's seen this look before-it's far more unnerving in a non-Waldorf context.
But before Blake can wipe the surprise from her face, the red-headed PA appears in the doorway, momentarily averting disaster, "You're here! Phew! Ok, good. Let's move it ladies. Martha's nearly ready for you."
Blake smiles smugly and shrugs her shoulders, knowing that the PA has saved the two of them from an all-out battle. It may be a temporary reprieve, but Blake will take what she can get.
Somewhat rashly, she walks up to Leighton, towering over her, she puts her index finger on Leighton's lips and whispers, "Better be on your best behaviour Leighton. The whole world is watching." Blake isn’t sure whether she’s trying to be cute or antagonistic, but the look Leighton shoots her certainly gives Blake pause. Blake doesn’t do this. She doesn’t do confrontation. Especially not with Leighton.
Leighton's eyes flare and her chin sets in anger. This is far from finished. However, they have no choice but to follow the PA and take their places on Martha's set.
Martha, naturally, is far away from the audience or any unscripted interaction with her guests. The red-headed PA runs off to report to Martha, leaving Blake and Leighton standing in front of the studio audience together.
While this brief moment may only last three minutes, to Blake, it seems like it will never end. She's having second thoughts about antagonizing Leighton, first calling her a bitch and then prodding at the caged tigress. She knows the fury that Leighton can unleash from her tiny frame and knows her skin might not be thick enough to withstand Leighton's claws.
Blake studies the girl in front of her, who's apparently itching for this stupid publicity crap to be over-probably so that she can kick Blake's ass, possibly literally. Leighton doesn't say one word to Blake while they wait for Martha. Remaining silent is far more effective in sowing seeds of doubt in Blake’s mind. Leighton simply stares directly at Blake and smiles with certainty. As she feels Leighton’s intimidating gaze sapping her confidence, Blake realizes that she’s bitten off more than she can chew with this one.
At one time Blake just wanted to play nice and make friends with her co-star. The show was only her second major-acting gig and she thought that, like Serena and Blair, she and Leighton would be close, even besties. For a while it all seemed to be heading in that direction, but everything seems to be gradually sliding into the sewers. Lately, Leighton can barely stand to be in the same room as her, and if they are in the same room, she makes sure Blake wishes they weren’t.
And now. Well. A giant blow-out isn't going to help things, but it’s also inevitable since Blake’s taken a stand against Leighton-which she never does. Depending on what happens, their fractured friendship might be beyond repair. Ruminating on what could have been and the state to which things have decayed, an overwhelming feelings of melancholy and regret wash over Blake. Hopefully, Leighton will let her apologize after this silly cooking segment.
The PA returns with Martha, promptly rousing Blake from her dreamy state and Leighton from her prolonged staring contest. "Ready? Good. Let's go." Martha brusquely breezes by the silent pair and takes her mark.
The studio lights blaze, illuminating the girls' best press-faces as Martha's introduces the segment, "Today, we have a wonderful treat for you. We're being joined by two of the stars from the hit CW show, Gossip Girl, which is currently airing its third season on CW, Mondays at 9. Please welcome, Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. They’ll be making a lovely lemon meringue cake with us."
The producers whip up the requisite applause from the audience, which contains mostly Martha, not Gossip Girl, fans.
In her friendly yet unenthusiastic manner, Martha comments, "So I haven't seen every episode of Gossip Girl, but I've noticed that the two of you seem to have great chemistry. That must come from being good friends in real life. You can't fake that."
Blake blinks, her eyes flitting to the ground; hesitating to delicately answer that question without simply lying. But Leighton jumps in immediately, "Oh, of course. The tabloids like to dream up stories about us feuding, but they're completely untrue. Blake and I couldn't be closer, really." Blake simply smiles and nods. She knows this is the easy answer. It's the expected answer. It's what the audience wants; it's what the network wants; it's what everyone wants. Nobody wants to hear that the Gossip Girl stars are really just good actors, who barely know each other and whose relationship could be described as platonic if not somewhat icy. So Blake smiles and plays along.
"So do you get to spend much time together off the set?"
Blake has heard these questions before, and tries to explain their lack of leisure time, "Not really. I mean, people don't understand that we're usually working 10-14 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day. I just want to go home and relax."
"Right. You see, Blake, here, is more of a homebody. Take last night for instance, I'll bet she stayed home and read a book or washed her hair--"
"Well, that's not exactly--" Blake tries in vain to defend herself.
"--even though I called her and invited to come out and have a little fun." Leighton aims a satisfied smile at Blake, because Blake won't dare to fight back while they're on the air. It would be bad publicity, and Blake prides herself on being a consummate professional.
"I must have missed that call." Blake states through clenched teeth, seething but desperately attempting to appear jovial.
Incredulous at Leighton's blatant lie, Blake knows now that Leighton is going to use every passive-aggressive tactic she can to put Blake down during the interview. She'll just have to try to play along, keep her grin fixed, and pretend that she doesn't mind Leighton busting her chops. So she unclenches her teeth and playfully throws her arm around Leighton's shoulders and tussles her hair and laughs, "Argh, see, this is why the Gossip Girl set is so much fun, Leighton just loves pushing my buttons."
Evidently, Leighton is not pleased with Blake's sudden closeness, shaking off the arm from around her shoulder and glaring back at Blake briefly.
Unwittingly diffusing some of the tension, Martha describes the day's baking segment, "Okay. Today we're going to make a lovely lemon meringue cake. Blake, why don't you start greasing those two pans and Leighton, you can help me with the dry ingredients. Don't forget that all our recipes are available on marthastewart.com."
The girls get to work on their assigned tasks, and Martha once again initiates some small talk with one of her scripted prompts, "So, Blake, besides Gossip Girl, what projects of yours can we look forward to?"
"Well, I’ve been filming a part in Boston for Ben Affleck’s new movie The Town. But mostly I just felt I needed to relax during this last hiatus, take a few months for myself."
Leighton sarcastically quips, "I know, the show is just so taxing. What did you do during the last hiatus, Lively? Read a few books? Or was it another photo-op, ahem, vacation? Seriously though, congrats on working with one of the stars of Gigli."
Despite Leighton’s interruption Blake continues, "...and there's an indie movie I did a while ago, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee."
"That's the porny one, right?" Leighton cuts her off.
“But I'm most excited about my new project-a little comic book movie called The Green Lantern with Ryan Reynolds. Originally, they were thinking of someone older, but I guess my audition convinced them I was the right girl for the part.”
“Yes, Blake, I'm sure they were very impressed with your talents.” Leighton's head makes an exaggerated dip toward Blake's chest as she pronounces the final word, leaving little doubt as to her implication.
The girls stare at each other. Both of them know Leighton just crossed the line. The only question that remains is what, if anything, Blake will do about it.
Martha, oblivious to all, follows with her next prepared question, "And, Leighton, have you had time to film anything special? Besides Gossip Girl, of course.”
Leighton halts her glare to reply, somewhat eagerly, "I have a small role in Date Night, which stars a huge hero of mine, Ms. Tina Fey, and Steve Carrell, who is hilarious, of course."
"That sounds terrific." Martha smiles blankly, either not really listening or not recognizing those minor celebrities.
"Don't forget about that horror thing," Blake finally fires a shot. "What is it again? World’s Deadliest Roommate?"
"It's just The Roommate." Leighton's eyes narrow, apparently somewhat shocked that Blake is going to fight back on-air. Murmurs spread throughout the audience, as it finally recognizes that this is clearly not how this interview was supposed to play out.
"Right, sounds like a real winner Leighton. It's not like every single CW star hasn't done a crappy horror movie in some desperate attempt to get a bigger profile."
The audience's discomfort increases while watching these two face off. Few laugh. This isn't Jerry Springer. This is Martha.
But Blake couldn't stop herself now if she cared to try, so she continues, "Oh, and, of course, there's your new record! Can't forget about that. Electropop-everyone loves electropop. And a single with the son of Alan Thicke-I did love him in Family Ties. Impressive."
"It was Growing Pains-Look, Lively, not everyone has a Magical Pants franchise to fall back on. Not everyone was born into this business and gets their parts handed to them on a silver platter. Or couch."
Martha has noticed that her guests are raising their voices and decides that baking would be a very good thing right now, so she interrupts, "Okay, come on ladies, let's get back to the cake. Blake, please hand me those eggs, we're going to mix them in with the flour."
Blake looks at the eggs, and then looks at Leighton, then back to the eggs, then back to Leighton. Leighton realizes what's coming, "Don't you fucking dare--" But Blake quickly grabs an egg in each hand and smashes them over Leighton's head. The audience gasps aloud. Martha is flabbergasted.
"Oh my god, you are so dead, Lively." Blake turns her back to retrieve more ammunition; meanwhile, Leighton snatches the milk. Blake smacks an egg on Leighton's back, yolk runs down the back of her dress. Leighton turns around with the milk and lets it fly at her face, followed quickly by Martha’s flour mixture.
Blake rubs the remnants of the broken egg into Leighton's face and pours some sugar over Leighton’s head. Beneath the counter, Leighton finds some lemon curd and dumps it down Blake's blouse. The audience is in state of complete disarray; some people are shouting, while others simply sit with hands over their mouths in bewilderment. Anger radiates from Martha's face, but there's no chance that she would intervene in this disaster.
Blake pushes Leighton aside, closer to Martha, finding the perfect weapon: the completed lemon meringue cake. She winds up to throw the cake at Leighton, who swiftly ducks as it leaves Blake's hand. It sails over her head, hitting Martha squarely in the face. The entire set stops in complete shock and silence. Leighton looks up and can't manage to suppress a small giggle.
"THAT'S IT! Somebody get these two little cunts off my set!"
PAs and producers swarm the scene as the cameras finally stop, but the damage is done.
~~~
Ushered backstage, Blake and Leighton are sequestered in the green room and security notified. The redheaded-PA, who previously seemed nervous but amiable, now treats the girls with a distinct coldness.
"Towels are by the sink. Clean yourselves up and go. And don't try to apologize to Martha."
“You got it.” Leighton agrees, abruptly closing the door of the green room and rolling her eyes. As the door shuts, she turns to Blake, who quickly grabs a facecloth and removes the flour and egg slurry coating her face.
Blake, now occupying the couch, blankly stares at the coffee table. She seems to be barely listening as Leighton begins to vent, "What the fuck was that? I mean, shit, a food fight, Lively?" Blake doesn't respond and Leighton wouldn't listen to her if she tried. Instead, Leighton does her best to rinse the sugar and eggs from her face and hair.
Though distinctly displeased, as anyone covered in goo and grit would be, Leighton's heart somehow still holds hope for something good to emerge from this mess. Their rather one-sided battles had persisted for far too long now. Leighton had treated her co-star terribly since she had realized her true feelings, all without Blake once breaking from her polite, professional demeanor. It was infuriating. And of course, it only led to escalation.
Leighton hadn’t wanted to feud with anyone on set; most of all, not with someone she truly cared about. In spite of that they fell into this trap and the further they tumbled, the more intractable the situation became. Leighton knows exactly what prompted their friendship’s sudden downward spiral, but she can’t figure out how to rectify the situation.
"That was absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, what were you thinking? On Live TV?"
She knows Blake is more than the façade she presents. Leighton gets only glimpses of what she perceives to be the real Blake. Granted, there are dozens of on-set pictures from a time when the state of the girls' relationship was a tad rosier. But Leighton is always the impetus. Blake only ever reciprocates Leighton's enthusiasm and cheerfulness.
While Leighton certainly enjoys these brief glimpses of a real friendship between the two of them, inside she knows that Blake's phoning it in. She doesn’t feel the way Leighton feels. She also knows Blake wouldn't put on the show if those rumours hadn't started during the first season about feuding. When Leighton remembers the motivation for Blake's blatant over-the-top friendliness, she often treats Blake coldly, sometimes even cruelly; especially, since she learned about Blake moving in with Penn.
"Well, good going Lively. This will definitely help dissipate our little image crisis."
But Leighton's real problem is that despite all her reservations about Blake's sincerity, she can't hate her. She tried to make herself hate her, because it would be so much easier not to care about her. Not to care about the fact that they weren't real friends; not to care about the distance between them; not to care about the artifice; not to care about any of the insults Blake had hurled at her before the food started flying.
"WELL, aren't you going to say anything for yourself?" Leighton fumes, finally turning to face the other girl.
Blake, frozen in place, her attention still fixed on the coffee table, doesn't respond. While Leighton couldn’t care less about Martha Stewart, and the attention that the food fight will inevitably attract; she understands that for Blake it's a huge deal.
~~~
Blake can't believe what just transpired. She can't believe she said those things or threw those things. Assaulted Martha Stewart. Hurt Leighton. Not physically, of course, the eggs would wash. But she did hurt her. She saw it in her eyes when she dissed the horror movie and Leighton’s singing career.
Leighton teased Blake frequently of late, sometimes even went too far-but Blake took it all in stride. Leighton teased and mocked everybody. It wasn't personal. Or so she tried to convince herself.
But what Blake had said before the food fight was personal-for a second, she wanted Leighton to feel how she felt all those times when Leighton insulted her. But as the words passed through her lips, she immediately regretted them.
She felt like it was someone else who had said those things-someone she couldn't control. As much as that frightens her, her mind is consumed by the painful mixture of shock and distress that flickered over Leighton's face as Blake's words landed on her ears. That pain is all she hears as Leighton rants from in front of the mirror. The words Leighton says don't really register and Blake can't even make eye contact. And she certainly can't stop the tears from spilling from her eyes.
~~~
Turning to see Blake in tears, Leighton's anger and frustration vanish. Her heart falls as she sees the girl she’s been berating and insulting for months silently weeping-she didn’t mean to push it this far. She wanted to exact opposite result if she’s being honest.
Taking a seat on the coffee table in front of the lachrymose girl, she leans forward, cupping Blake's cheek, looking directly into her tear-filled eyes, she meekly apologizes, "I'm sorry, Blake. For everything." After a brief moment, she places her lips softly onto Blake's. Leighton retracts her lips, but doesn't pull away. She looks down at he lips she's just kissed and can't help but go back for seconds-more passionate, more enthusiastic, more unequivocal seconds.
Leighton knows she's taken her shot. It's in Blake's hands now, but she's not kissing back. Finally pulling herself away and looking up at Blake, Leighton hopes for a glimmer of forgiveness (or a glimmer of something else) to pass over Blake's face, but so far all she sees is bewilderment.
The one girl’s confusion and the other’s fear of rejection breed a silence that seems endless. Until Leighton can't stand the tension any longer. She interprets Blake's lack of response as a negative response. Shit. She's pissed. She's not even talking to me anymore. She didn't accept my apology. Dammit, why did I kiss her? She didn't want me to kiss her. Shit shit shit. In Leighton's mind, Blake has just confirmed what she feared most-for Blake, they were simply co-workers, and always would be.
Suddenly, Blake's on her feet, "That was... Well, it was...but...right." Leighton's crushed. Blake continues pacing around the room, her eyes landing on every object in the room except Leighton. Meanwhile, Leighton's fear and regret grow in proportion to Blake's increasingly overt nervousness. So she quietly slips out of the room without Blake noticing.
Outside the green room door, Leighton is freaking. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. She's torn. Does she simply run? Part of her, the last shred of optimism, imagines that maybe, just maybe, Blake is going to burst through that door and wrap her arms around her-forgive her. But Blake doesn't come.
Leighton huddles by the door before she surrenders to pessimism. "Fuck," she mutters, this time aloud. She stands and walks as fast as she can down the hallway, as fast as she can away from Blake, and this catastrophic Martha Stewart appearance.
She knows the staff is staring at her, granted she's still partially covered in food and just instigated a food fight with their boss. Even though she knows that background, she can't connect it with the stares bearing down on her.
In Leighton's head, they all know what transpired in the green room and the staff's scorning glances are precisely the type of reaction that have kept her from expressing her true feelings, before now, at least partly. The other major part in her reluctance was the question mark in the green room covered in flour.
~~~
Blake’s pacing ceases, she slumps down the wall opposite the mirror. She remains firmly rooted to the floor of the green room, not going after Leighton. She's not even sure when Leighton left the room. She was barely processing the food fight and coincidental blow up before Leighton's lips got up close and personal. She can't exactly blame Leighton for leaving, given her rather uncommunicative state.
And it's probably better that they didn't have a conversation then and there. Because her knee-jerk reaction was definitely, Whoa, WTF? Though it was shortly followed by, Why haven't we done this before? Most of all, Blake knows she needs time to think this through, because at the moment she isn't sure what she thinks.
Blake has known Leighton for more than two years now, and she hasn't picked up on anything like this. That's what this is, right? Is there any other interpretation of what just happened?
I mean I took all Leighton's games in stride, the jibes too, Blake’s hand runs through her hair in frustration. She laughed along when Leighton fed her, hugged her or goofed around, but she assumed it was just that-goofing around. And most of that was ages ago.
Even the Rolling Stone shoot, which she's now considering from an entirely new perspective-sure, there was a decidedly sapphic and playful element to the shots, but the girls were just following the photographer's lead. Blake had pretended just like Leighton had-it's kind of their job...Right?
She certainly hasn't picked up on any previous signals Leighton was sending-it never crossed her mind. I mean Leighton has a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend. Plus, it's not like Leighton's been entirely consistent in her treatment of Blake.
Recently Blake thought Leighton hated her guts. She insulted her-more than any of other cast member. She stared at her-more than any other cast member. She avoided her-again, more than any other cast member. And she’s been with Sebastian practically as long as Blake had been hooked up with Penn. In fact, she took up with Sebastian shortly after Blake and Penn got together…
"Oh shit. How could I be so stupid?” Blake utters in realization, fighting the urge to slap her forehead.
God, I need to talk to her. Blake feels that at the very least, she has to explain herself to Leighton-explain that she’s incredibly oblivious and dense, and wasn’t just ignoring Leighton’s signals. Maybe the other girl can enlighten her likewise, because Blake clearly has had some trouble sorting her out.
First, she has to find Leighton. Blake can only assume Leighton must be on set since they have a full day's shoot-for which, shit, she's now late. And she needs a shower badly. She briefly rubs the worst of the goop from her face and body because if she shows up to set looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost, the hair and makeup people are going to kill her.
~~~
Having made her way to set, garnering more attention than she would have already received thanks to her freshly floured attire, Blake swiftly crosses the security barrier and heads for her trailer.
"Blake!"
"Crap," Blake mumbles under her breath, but flashes a quick smile at Nic, the A.D., who's flagged her down. Blake was hoping to make it to her trailer without notice, because, well, she still feels pretty filthy; moreover, Leighton might be there. But that's clearly impossible, "Nic, hey, how're things?"
"Phew, ok, great. You're here,"-breaking off into his headset, "I've got Blake on set....Right...."- "Alright, we've got to get you to hair & makeup pronto."
"Right away? I was really hoping I might be able to jump in the shower," Blake winces. It's not a full puppy dog pout, but it occasionally lets her get way. "I'm feeling kinda gross..."
"No no, don't worry about it, they'll clean you up."
As Nic leads Blake off to be primped, she looks in the direction of her trailer. Somehow she knows she should object more and insist on going to her trailer first, but she relents and follows Nic. Surely I can clear things up with Leighton later.
~~~
The warmth from the shower flows over her skin, a layer of grime separates and spirals down the drain, yet Leighton feels as though a simple shower can't alleviate her mortification. Far from rejuvenated, Leighton instead feels older and somehow smaller. Her stomach tied in knots; she closes the nozzles and steps out the shower.
Her focus is bifurcated; flitting between her embarrassment and the more prurient feelings that the kiss aroused. She hates that she enjoyed kissing Blake, especially when Blake clearly did not enjoy it-she knows it will never happen again. Of course she had to enjoy it. Couldn’t make things any easier on yourself, could you Leighton? You’re already in love with a straight girl, and now you won’t be able to get the taste of her lips out of your head.
Leighton throws on a simple white robe and starts to blow-dry her hair, before the trailer door slams open as a flurry of blond hair enters. Their eyes meet. Leighton stops the hair dryer and looks back through the mirror at Blake. "Hi," Leighton offers, with an affectation of nonchalance. She's not ignoring Blake, but she's certainly not willing to get down on her knees for the girl. It's not a big deal.
"Uh...hi. I was hoping you'd be in here." Smiling slightly, apparently trying to mimic Leighton's casual attitude, Blake flops on the couch of the trailer.
Leighton runs a brush through her hair, then swivels the makeup chair around to face Blake and asks a perfectly irrelevant question to which she obviously knows the answer, "You went to makeup?"
"Yup."
The silence hangs there for a minute, before Blake caves. "So, about what happened in the green room...I was talking to Ed in makeup and-"
"You told Ed?!?" Leighton can't keep herself from interrupting.
Blake sheepishly rambles, "Well, everyone was talking about Martha. Apparently, everyone saw it. They have that TV, right? And Ed made a comment-"
"Christ, Blake, you do realize that everyone knows now, right? Ed'll open his lips for anybody,"Leighton huffs. She turns her back to Blake, flipping her hair dryer back on and drowning out any retort.
Blake lunges forward and rips the power cord of the hair dryer from the outlet. "Look, this is important-"
"Important? So important that you couldn't say two words to me in that green room?"
"Well it all happened out of the blue...I was surprised, I guess."
Leighton's eyes roll; she’s tired of Blake playing the fool with her. "Out of the blue? Really? Fine, next time, I'll try to be a bit less subtle."
"Next time?" Blake's voice echoes with a little too much surprise.
Ha! As if Leighton would put herself out there again for this clueless girl. "Arrgh, I'm going to makeup."
"Leighton, wait, we need to talk about this."
"No, we really don't. Message received, loud and clear. If you think I need the 'we can still be friends' speech, you're mistaken. I'm fine. We're just going to pretend this never happened. Shit, we're barely friends anyway," Leighton rambles as she gets up to leave, and hopefully avoids mortal embarrassment.
"But-"
~~~
Leighton's already out the door, almost running over Chace, who apparently would've interrupted the girls' conversation regardless. Blake watches in frustration as Leighton darts around the corner without looking back.
Chace rubs his shoulder where Leighton clipped him in her rush, looking up at Blake in confusion, he asks, "Geez Blake, what's up?"
"God, I don't even know how to answer that question," Blake mumbles as she trudges back into the trailer with Chace following close behind.
Blake plops onto the couch. Chace sits and nudges Blake's shoulder with his own. Blake knows that he might not be the best person to turn to for advice, but Blake will just bottle everything up otherwise.
Blake doesn't understand what just happened with Leighton. She knew her 'chat' with Leighton probably wouldn't end in hugs and kisses, figurative or literal. But she was hoping they could have a calm rational discussion.
She doesn't know what going on in Leighton's head-obviously she never has. Biting her fingernails, she needs to know what Leighton's thinking. She needs to know that Leighton doesn't hate her for handling things the way she has-making things so awkward.
Chace interrupts her chain of thought, "So, it's the food fight, right?"
"What?"
"Whatever's bothering you…It must have something to do with the food fight…" Chace guesses, since Blake isn't offering any clues.
"No. Yes. Sort of," Blake answers, at first honestly then covering, unsure if she should share the entire story with Chace; especially after Leighton's reaction to her discussion with Ed.
"I can't imagine Josh and Stephanie will give you a hard time about it. The show might even get a nice bump. Help distinguish us from the dozens of other teen dramas on the air. That, and the lack of vampires."
"Right, sure-Wait, how'd you know about the food fight?"
"Would you believe I watch Martha Stewart?"
Blake smiles and shakes her head at him.
"Ok, fine. I ran into Ed. He might've mentioned it."
Blake immediately wants to curse that limey bastard. Instead she bites her tongue, and breathes out, finally saying, "What exactly did he tell you?"
"It really doesn't matter, Blake. We all saw this coming. Leighton could only hold herself back for so long..."
"What do you mean you all knew?"
"Leighton's never mentioned it to me personally, but it's pretty obvious Blake. To everyone."
Blake likes to think of herself as interested, even well-attuned, to other people's feelings, so this gigantic blind spot is pretty surprising. She thought Leighton must have been hiding how she felt, but now she's baffled as to how she didn't pick up on this if everyone else did.
Before Blake drifts too far off into her thoughts, Chace jumps in, "Look I didn't come here to rub it in your face, I just wanted to make sure things were...copacetic."
Blake raises an eyebrow and smirks at his word choice.
"What? I know big words...Seriously, Blake, I know this can't be easy. Two best friends with secret feelings for each other..."
Blake's fingers absented-mindedly reach up to touch her lips; suddenly dwelling on the way Leighton's lips felt when they touched hers.
Chace's words finally register, and she responds, "Huh? Leighton and I have never been best friends."
"Right...sorry, that's not you guys-Anyway, my point is you guys were close. And you're probably worried about fucking everything up."
"Not really."
"You’re not?"
"Two hours ago, we were throwing food at each other on live national television. I'm kinda thinking that things can only improve."
~~~
Part Deux