Comments | bleach_bdsm: State of Being (Contest Entry)

saintalecto in bleach_bdsm

State of Being (Contest Entry)

Sep 21, 2007 23:16

Author: SaintAlecto
Title: State of Being
Pairing: Byakuya and Renji
Rating: R
Item Kinked: Byakuya’s sliver hair clips

Love, you have wrecked my body.

Renji spat out blood. He worked his jaw- it was tight, it would be swollen the next day. He didn’t care. He’d get it looked at by somebody in the 4th division- he’d say he was training or something. ( Read more... )

contest entry, fanfic, fic contest, abarai renji, binding, r, kuchiki byakuya, torture, yaoi

Comments 17

gogo_ergo_sum September 25 2007, 21:47:50 UTC

St. A!! LOVE THIS. Good on ya for making it work. The poem is beautiful and makes the work so much richer. Will be back later to give you a more in depth comment.

For now, just a few quick things. 1. Congrats on awesome work. Very original.
2. Please do tuck this under and LJ cut, plz. 3. (you might have meant 4th division when you said 12th? 4th is for healing, 12th is for science)

thnx for entering the contest!

saintalecto September 25 2007, 22:31:42 UTC

Thanks for the corrections*palmforehead*- all fixed!

gogo_ergo_sum September 26 2007, 09:19:07 UTC

No probs, St. A. By the way... This would be rated R, not NC-17, so if you want (and only if you want), you an un-f-lock it. It's up to you tho.

Also... Your Bya was amazing. LOVED HIM. And gogo is VERY particular when it comes to Bya. Seriously. gogo is a horrid Bya SNOB (gogodgene will attest to this). And your Bya was excellent. This was so creative and so well done. Am so glad you wrote it this way, because the outcome was amazing. Really looking forward to reading more from you...hopefully soon.

xxx

saintalecto September 26 2007, 16:28:42 UTC

Thank you- I'm really happy you liked Bya. I've never written him before and I know he is your fave- so I'm happy! That is enough for me.

I've also changed the rating and un-f-locked the post. I just wanted to be safe, ya know?

paigehead September 26 2007, 00:33:20 UTC

This fic is completely perfect for my mood right now. Because A. I've been so into Hinduism and Buddhism over the past few weeks and the poem fits the fic so well~ B. You made the two themes, however unrelated, work together with seemingly no effort; I always love jarring undertones. ^ ^
Erm, as for constructive crit, I really just found places where you might want to add a comma and the like so I'll just point out one thing:
Renji cocky as ever choose only to break his Captain’s stare by letting his gaze travel lower and lower until it came to rest on Byakuya’s crotch.
Something in this sentence I don't get; I think you need to add commas after "Renji" and after "ever" and change "choose" to "chose."
Anyway, yes, <3

saintalecto September 26 2007, 16:31:40 UTC

Thank you for pointing out the corrections- they've been fixed.

Also, I'm really happy that you liked the themes and how they workd. I'm glad it looked effortless, because I'm telling you- I lost some sleep over this one! It's silly really...

Friended you back, by the way!

geckophobe September 26 2007, 17:16:38 UTC

sadfa kadlfjasdj!! sdklfjas!

Love, you have wrecked my body.

I've been anticipating this since you mentioned you were going to use that line. I am very very pleased. XD

I really liked Renji in this. People often write him as a little too self-doubting under the cockiness. Here, he's pretty bold, and that's more like it!

saintalecto September 26 2007, 22:09:36 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad I did not disappoint!

blood_crow September 26 2007, 19:11:59 UTC

Normally I'm not a fan of painful sex and bondage, but this story is beautifully written. The poem is absolutely goregous, and I love the way Byakuya talks and behaves towards Renji. This story is love <3

saintalecto September 26 2007, 22:17:47 UTC

Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed my story and the poem.

But if you don't like painful sex and bondage, how did you find this?

Did you just decide to try something new and check out the local BDSM comm?

blood_crow September 27 2007, 00:03:05 UTC

Oh, I saw it on renjifan's friend page! I don't know what possessed me realy, since I don't really look at this sorta stuff. I guess I was just curious, and I was in the mood for some smut, and couldn't find any good renjixichigo at the moment XD

saintalecto September 27 2007, 00:10:17 UTC

Gotcha. Well, I'm glad you took a peek. Thanks for reading!

perviepreistess September 27 2007, 17:19:07 UTC

Well, I don't know 'bout anyone else but I never seen Kenseikon or any other hair accessory used like that before!! I love vicious and beautiful Bya! And poor Renji almost got those pretty nippies twisted off!! LOL Fiesty! Fan-freakin-tastic!

saintalecto September 27 2007, 18:29:14 UTC

Very happy you liked, my dear. Thank you for reading!

perviepreistess September 27 2007, 19:16:32 UTC

Oh no Prob! You know I dig your stuff big time!