Making the Nice-Guy Challenge A Safe One

[blairmacg]

In 2013, I made a mistake that still affects my physical abilities-everything from Okinawan weapons training to using a screwdriver.

Two students, father and son, began classes at my dojo. The son was an energetic eight-year-old. The father was a six-foot-six retired drill sergeant who’d trained in a similar style about twenty years prior, but who

Comments

[mrissa]

Blair, I see why you take responsibility here. It is your mat and your class, I get that ethic.

My question is twofold:

1) In what context would his actions have been reasonable in a class/mat setting? In what context is "respond as though someone who is not in pads etc. is the actual attacker" the correct scenario? If this was a mismatch of reasonable expectations, I am having a hard time seeing where his expectation was reasonable.

2) What would you do to set the expectations of someone who behaved that way in line with your own expectations? You've talked about feeling each other out, but that sounds like finding out whether someone already has the same assumptions, expectations, axioms, whatever as you do. You take on students all the time and presumably teach them what axioms to have. For someone who has already had training that did not line up with what you wanted it to be, how would you perform that reset?

You're under no obligation to answer either of these questions, I'm just curious.

[blairmacg]

These are *excellent* questions. May I pull them from comments to address them in a longer post?

[mrissa]

Absolutely!

Not a regular reader, but saw your entry on LJ's front page

[fiddlingfrog]

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about your elbow injury. I injured both of my elbows in a bicycle accident just a week after your incident. After an eight hour surgery where I had both radial heads replaced (as my surgeon said "There was nothing worth keeping") my right arm has recovered almost fully but my left arm has about as much range as a Lego figure - my extension runs to 30 degrees and my flexion to 105 degrees.

Anyways, I didn't really have anything to say other than I empathize with your situation. I just keep holding onto the hope that with time and effort eventually I'll get back to the way I was.

Re: Not a regular reader, but saw your entry on LJ's front page

[blairmacg]

Oof! Major sympathies! May that range of motion stretch out!

Re: Not a regular reader, but saw your entry on LJ's front page

[fiddlingfrog]

Thank you. And I hope your recovery continues as well.

[resonant]

*cringes*

[scallywag195]

I was a cross country ski coach for many years. Totally different set of skills required, however same basic ethic: learn your students abilities and you enhance your ability to teach.

However. I differ on fault. My opinion is your student had some responsibility to gauge the fact that your attention was elsewhere. I equate it to this: every person can and should learn the telltale markers of danger and/or develop sensitivity to the people around them.

Maybe I'm just letting my own frustration with a problem at work carry over to what you're saying. We have a problem bear at work and instead of leaving the bear alone, people are courting danger by trying to get close up pictures. Stupid people. Someone may get mauled.

But maybe it's more than that. Maybe you're taking too much responsibility on yourself because it's so easy to excuse others' inadequacies when you yourself were partly at fault.

[blairmacg]

I'm finishing up a post answering Marissa's questions, and I'd like to include your comments and answer there, too! :)

[scallywag195]

That is fine with me. It actually felt really good to read your post, think about it and respond as I did because it showed me that my life isn't just about my mom's trust stuff right now and working through my grief.

Through my years of being an intense athlete, I was on the receiving end of number of injuries, including one to my elbow that isn't as severe as yours, but still bothers me when I write too much on any certain day or throw a tennis ball for my dog. But I wouldn't trade the years I was a coach for anything. When I look back, they were really fun times and I wish I still had the flexibility to still coach. Instead I ski-jor with my dog when we have enough snow and I love that almost as much.

[blairmacg]

That is fine with me. It actually felt really good to read your post, think about it and respond as I did because it showed me that my life isn't just about my mom's trust stuff right now and working through my grief.

I so understand that feeling, truly.

But I wouldn't trade the years I was a coach for anything. When I look back, they were really fun times and I wish I still had the flexibility to still coach.

Yup, understand that, too. I still teach, but it's on a much smaller scale and I miss the community of my dojo!