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He lied to me. He used me . He abused my faith and love. He replaced me.
Over a month he played his mean fucking game with me.
But I still love him. I love him as much as on our last day.
Why can't I hate him?
But I hate the person he is now. I hate the one,who is watching her photo. I hate the man who is only thinking about her. I hate the man who is dreaming of her lips and kiss he misses so much. And I hate the man who just throw me away.
I hate this little coward he is. He wasn't brave enough to tell me the truth. He let me believe all his excuses. All his lies. All his fucking words. He used me. He abused my confidence.
He wasn't brave enough to talk to me. He broke up at chat. He told me, he loves another girl while chatting. And when I was begging I want to talk to him, just to clear up all things, he wasn't brave enough to pick up the phone.
I hate this fucking little coward.
But I still love him.
I love the man he was before this fucking second december week. Before all this lies. Although he had already lied to me for a month.
I really loved him in a pure,honest way. I wanted the best for him and I still want.
And I can't stop loving him so much.
Someimes I can't believe he ever really loved me like he said. Because I can't belive that someone can hurt so much a person he once loved. That someone can be so cruel and wrong and lie at this once beloved person.
But than I remeber our memories. And than I know, he really loved me.
But this knowledge hurts even more.
Why did he all this mean things?
Instead of being honest right from the beginning?
I hate liers. I hate cowards. I hate cheaters.
But I know
I'll never hate him.
.
Even more I hate myself.
I'm this fucking coward who can't let go.
I really have to be a horrible person, when he just replaced me like this.
What does she has what I have not?
Why is my love not enough for him?
Why he has been looking for other things and other people while we were together?
Am I so horrible that no one can love me?
I hate myself...
...and want to die.