Decompensating

[blacktigr]

That's what my doctor called it. He called it decompensating. That's the word for what will happen to me if I go hiking alone. My anxiety/agoraphobia mix and make it so that I absolutely cannot cope. I will flee/freeze, some combination of the two, but it will be hard (possibly impossible) for me to come back from it.

This destroys my hope of ever

Comments

[torakiyoshi]

I would argue against the term, "normal" I the way you used it, here. Anxiety is normal. Pale just don't admit it.

The big question is, where does your anxiety come from? What started it? Why do you get it? Can a source be identified and potentially dealt with?

But also... Don't go hiking in your own anyway. That's just bad for... everything. It's the first thing everyone is told: never go into the wilderness by yourself.

[blacktigr]

My anxiety is partly physical. Every day when I walk out the door, my body wants me to go back. It would be happiest if I was an indoor cat, but I know that would just make me so much worse. Agoraphobia is tricky because it will collapse you into a smaller and smaller space. When I moved to Western MI, I was having a very hard time going even into my own kitchen because we changed so much so fast, and the backlash was paralyzing. But I could go from the bedroom to the couch (and from the couch to the basement where we had our computer), but when I dropped something that crashed on the floor in the kitchen... I just broke. Completely. Sobbing ball on the floor. After that, I was avoiding the kitchen unless absolutely necessary

[torakiyoshi]

I bet you did. I wonder if you could have some trusted friends who can help you work on regaining your independence.