"Just club soda and a romaine leaf for me, I had a late lunch."

[blackstone]

When on a date, I've never been a 'just a salad for me' kind of girl. If I'm in the mood for a salad, I'll have one. If I want a deep-fried bonanza, I'll have that. I have only one rule about eating on a date: it has to be as non-messy as possible. I don't want to be covered head-to-toe in barbecue sauce while sitting across from a man I'd like

Comments

[icarusboy]

NOM the fajitas to your hearts content, I say. I'd venture to say that the term "ladylike" is often used as a tool to get girls and women to "shut up and sit down." Like any other example of gendered language, it's a subversive cultural bludgeon that tells us exactly how our anatomy should and should not affect our behaviors.

What happens if you eat spare ribs? Does your vagina disappear?

[blackstone]

Yes, I think you're right re: ladylike. I can be put-together, poised and well-spoken without sitting down and shutting up. In fact, I prefer it. And just now when posting this entry I realized how much the word was bugging me.

[diva_dot]

Mmmmmm, ribs. OM NOM NOM.

Hey, what the hell happened to my libido? DAMMIT, NOT AGAIN! I was so good yesterday by not eating my General Tso's with the chopsticks. Sigh. Guess it's back to soy cakes and arugula with that spritzy flavored-water salad dressing.

[blackstone]

STOP ENJOYING YOUR FOOD. GIRLS CAN'T DO THAT.

[gr8ful_ken]

He seems like a nice guy.

[blackstone]

Eh, he was okay. I might go out with him again.

[doctoreon]

I would have totally thought it was cute. I actually like it when women just eat whatever they want in whatever way they want. If they look like a goober, so what? If they can be silly about it, it's even more fun. Who wants to be serious all the time?

[blackstone]

DATING=SRS BSNS! What, you think dating is for fun? IT'S A MISSION.

I kid.

Yeah, I guess getting the "Oh hey, guess what, I like sauteed peppers and sometimes my feeding-myself skills fail me" thing out of the way early is a plus. And why was I worried about being perfectly genteel when we were at a student bar for the purpose of yelling at baseball players on a tv screen anyway?

[doctoreon]

This is a question for the ages.

[twistedncynical]

There's a time and place for everything, really. If you're in a joint eating burgers and fajitas then, yeah, messiness will ensue. If that messiness is met with anything other than acceptance of the situation then that's a problem.

On the other hand, dining out at a nice restaurant with a dress code usually means more attention to table manners.

Having said all of that, I second, third and fourth what the first commenter said - and, what's worse, these feelings tend to be so deeply ingrained that dealing with them can be a full-time job.

Your date was most definitely on the right track with the "cute" comment. Thumbs up to that one.

[blackstone]

My date emailed me backchannel (he's on my friends list) and told me that it was cute because I was willing to just be myself and eat messy food in front of him. It's funny, too, given the traditional idea that women often have to eat little/eat carefully on dates, when apparently men aren't too concerned about that. This opens up a bigger can of worms about women and food issues, but, I'll skip that for now. I'm still working out my thoughts on the word (and concept) of 'ladylike'. I'll tackle food issues later. ;)

Screw ladylike...

[anonymously4]

I want to know what the men really think! Does a woman with a healthy, eh...passion for eating translate to passions elsewhere IN THE MINDS OF MEN. Just curious.

Re: Screw ladylike...

[blackstone]

You know, after we had the conversation that led to this post I sat there with it 3/4 written for, like EVER trying to come up with a way to phrase that. You just did it perfectly. :)

Re: Screw ladylike...

[anonymously4]

Well, you know. It's just like someone said to me...NEVER wear a ring on your left hand if you are single. Even if it's clearly not an engagement/wedding ring! It still sends the signal that you are unavailable.

I never thought men paid all that much attention. So are you paying attention? And to what? If we're available? Do you assume we're lusty in the boudoir if we have a lusty appetite?

Again, just curious. I've given up trying to figure out men. You'd think growing up with 412 brothers, I'd have them down by now, but my brothers are a lot different than the men I meet.

Re: Screw ladylike...

[gr8ful_ken]

Don't try to figure out men, we can't even figure ourselves out half the time. The one generalization you can make is when we meet someone we find appealing, we all do glance at the left hand (and the chest).