[Series]Reaching For Happiness, JaredxJensen (16/?)
Author:freedomthisway
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 again for this chapter
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother was remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Here's new chapter. It's damn long. Too long. And I don't know if this one will suit your taste, considering there are so many pro and contra I received for my previous chapter. Comments and opinions are very most welcome.
I can understand why lots of people think that me putting the rape part into my story is because I want to give a shocking drama that can sparks my story better and gain more attention than it already has.
But as some of you can feel for yourself, if that's my purpose from the get go, isn't that kind of having a reversed impact on my reader? I even got few comments saying that they will stop reading this fic because Jared raping Jensen is just unacceptable and there's no way it will have a normal, make-sense happy ending. I thank them of course, for reading my story until this chapter.
But actually it's really not like that. Jared and Jensen here are far more twisted than what I might have convey with words (I suck, badly). And the story I've prepared in my mind is spiralling to something much further than just jared-raped-jensen-then-regretting-it-then-they-cuddle-up-with-jared-sprouting-apology-and-voila-it's-a-happy-ending. No. There's much more to it. I can even safely say that this story only has reached half parts of the whole.
I know some of my readers think happy ending in this kind of story is just not make sense. But world is just crazy like that (trust me, I know) and no matter how twisted I am, somehow I believe love conquers all. No matter how hurtful the past is. Of course, it won't be good without proper story line, so I hope all of you can have faith in me. I'm really trying my best here to present a decent story for you, and I need all the support I can get.^^;
But i really thank you, so very much, for those of you who have spared your time and given me your point of view. It's priceless and rewarding and you know how much I love you for that.
Really hope you'll enjoy this one though. I racked my brain for the whole two weeks I spent on writing it and now my brain is literally exhausted. ^^
“What do you mean he left?” Jeff glares at George.
The old butler pales at the tone of anger in Jeff’s voice. “I don’t know, Mr. Morgan. Mr. Ackles left this morning, by foot. He looked very upset, but I swear he took nothing in his hands. That’s why I assumed he was just going to take a walk somewhere. ”
Jeff brushes his hair in frustrations. Something bad must have happened.
He finished his job unexpectedly earlier than expected and just got off his night flight two hours ago. He rushed here right after because the bad feeling he had been having since he left New York just wouldn’t go away and was only getting worse.
But George said Jensen hadn’t been home even as the clock struck 10 pm, and when he and George checked Jensen’s room, Jensen’s things were still in their place.
“Where’s Jared?” Jeff grits his teeth. If something bad happened to Jensen, Jared must have at least known something about it.
“Mr. Padalecki hasn’t been out of his room since early this morning. Kate said Mr. Ackles went to see Mr. Padalecki before breakfast because he said he had something to talk about with him. He left house some times after that.”
Jeff gapes. Oh God, no.
Not that. Don’t tell me Jensen had been stupid enough to tell Jared about everything.
Rushing, Jeff goes straight up to Jared’s bedroom.
The door isn’t locked, and swinging it open, Jeff wrinkles his nose instinctively because all of sudden he is assaulted by heavy stench of alcohol filling the dark room.
Jeff curses as he hurriedly switches on the light and moves towards lines of big windows. Opening them wide to let the fresh night air in, he turns around and sees Jared sprawled on his bed, eyes shut.
His shirt is crumpled and more than two empty bottles of whiskey are lying on the sheets next to him, one is held in his loose grip.
Jeff watches as Jared frowns and blinks at the bright light of the lamp suddenly hits his senses.
“Fuck, my head.” He growls, holding his head and cringes.
It takes a full minute for him to realize Jeff is standing there across him, glaring.
“Jeff?” He slurs drunkenly.
“Where’s Jensen?”
Jared coughs and curses again because it makes his head hurt like hell. “What?”
“Where’s Jensen, Jay?” Jeff takes two steps forward, trying to maintain his patience.
Jared gives Jeff a blank gaze for a moment, before laughing and Jeff can see a flash of something dark in his eyes.
“That jerk?” Jared slurs, scrambling to sit. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s in the corner somewhere, weeping pathetically after what I’ve done to him.”
Jeff’s eyes squint sharply at that. “What did you say?”
Jared looks at Jeff with hazy eyes for a moment. “It’s not my fault, right, Jeff?” He shrugs and chuckles drunkenly. “It’s not like I’m the evil one. That bastard deserves it.”
Jeff’s patience is on the edge now and he grits his teeth. “Jared, in the name of lord, what did you do to him?”
But Jared doesn’t answer. He’s just sitting there, on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the soft Persian rug beneath.
“Answer me, damn it!” Jeff yells.
Jared looks up at that, and Jeff curses under his breath when he can see Jared’s eyes brimming with tears.
“He was…” Jared gulps down a breath. “He was standing right there, telling me all these fucked up things about how he loved me and how it was my father’s horrible treatment that drove him into the decision of running away three years ago…. And I just can’t believe it.”
Jeff shuts his eyes tightly in frustration. Apparently he guessed right, and by the time he opens his eyes, he can see Jared is shaking his head over and over again.
“He’d got to be lying, Jeff. My father would never do something that cruel.” Jared’s lower lips trembling as he says that. “He was a very good man and you know that. Hell, everybody knows that.”
Jeff pinches his nose bridge, a headache suddenly formed inside his head. Sighing, he stares at Jared. “Look, Jared. I’ve been here for almost an hour already and it’s almost fucking midnight, yet Jensen is nowhere to be found. George told me he left this morning upset, leaving his things behind in his now empty room. So let me ask you this once again. What did you do to him? ”
Jared looks back straight to Jeff’s eyes and grips the bed sheet tighter as he says, “I raped him.”
Jeff gapes. “You did what?” And Jeff frowns as Jared suddenly laughs.
“I raped him, Jeff. Here, on this bed.” Jared says with a bitter half-grin on his face, ignoring a flick of guilt that stings his heart sharply as he’s saying that.
And Jared has only two seconds to blink his haze away when suddenly he feels Jeff’s fist makes contact with his jaw so hard that the world turns black as he passes out.
---00o00---
Jared opens his eyes and the first thing he realizes is his head thrumming painfully. He groans and tries to sit straight. The morning sunlight floods through the all 6 opened windows and he’s forced to squint his eyes as he looks around the room.
That’s when he sees Jeff, sitting with a grim face on the couch across the bed, and suddenly some of the memories of last night come back to him.
Jensen. The rape. His cruel words to Jensen that he had said in despair to cover all the guilty feelings he felt afterward. Jeff’s angry punch on him.
Jared groans louder as the memory assault makes his head hurts even more and it catches Jeff’s attention.
Jeff stares at him, completely ignoring Jared’s pain. “I can’t find him, Jay.” His voice is thick with grief.
Jared rubs his forehead and frowns. “Can’t find who?”
Jeff glares. “Jensen.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I drove through almost half of the city, set my eyes on every one on the road side, hoping I’d catch sight of him. I went to every bus and train station, asking officers and people there who might have seen him around. But he’s nowhere to be found.”
Jared’s eyes turn dark. “Why trouble yourself with that?” He says mockingly, slowly swinging his feet down to the floor. Jared can feel his wall of twisted self defense thicken inside him. “I finally got it even with his betrayal and his wicked lies yesterday and if he chose to leave, then it suits me just fine. I just hope he won’t have guts to come back in the future.”
“You’re unbelievable, you know that? Have you ever thought that what Jensen said might be a God’s honest truth?” Jeff stares at him, amazed by the ignorance in his best friend’s voice.
Jared’s gaze at Jeff this time is not the kind one. “No, it has never crossed my mind before. You know why? It’s because I fucking know my father. He would never do something like that. And besides, why do you care so much anyway?” Jared is starting to lose his patience and forgetting all the manners.
“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him?” Jared snorts, apparently finding it ridiculous. “Damn, Jeff. I've known that Jensen was good at gaining favor from people since he was a little boy. But you’ve been a womanizer and heartless in love ever since I knew you and for him to finally succeed in getting your favor, I’m impressed.”
Jared never sees Jeff looking angrier than he is right now and he gulps as Jeff suddenly rises from his seat and strides to stand in front of him in a matter of seconds. Jared looks up nervously at Jeff’s towering figure.
“I’ve known you for so long, Jared, but I’ve never realized that you can be this shallow and narrow-minded.” Jeff says with disappointment clear in his voice. “You were blinded by anger and all those stupid scenarios your father had cruelly set up until you can no longer see or let yourself believe in a simple truth.”
Jared blinks. “What are you talking about?”
Jeff reaches inside his suit and takes out a thin paper fold. “This is what I’m talking about.” He hisses, waving the copy of Thomas’s letter for Jensen in front of Jared’s face. “Your father, Thomas, wrote this letter and gave it to me inside a sealed envelope, along with his will; giving me direct order to hand this over to Jensen right after the will reading. So now,” Jeff throws the letter into Jared’s lap, then takes two steps back, watching Jared stares dumbfounded at the paper fold. “You read that letter and tell me who the real lying traitor is.”
Glancing at Jeff once, who beckons him silently to just go on and read, Jared picks up the letter with his slightly trembling right hand, opens the folded papers and starts to scan words after words written on it.
Jeff bites his lips. Even after all the anger he shows for Jared’s stupidity, he can’t help but feel tremendous sadness for his best friend as he sits there with that letter in his grip, especially when Jeff can see Jared’s eyes widen more and more, his face scrunches in mental agony as he reads every single words on it.
Jared is finally, finally, getting the truth smacked in his face and Jeff knows that this time Jared can’t deny or dodge it because he must have recognized his father’s handwriting there right away.
Jared doesn’t deserve this. Neither does Jensen. And if only Thomas was still alive, Jeff would have killed him with his bare hands because seriously, that man had fucked up too many lives and even if somehow Jared and Jensen find ways to overcome all of this, there’s got to be a hole left inside both of them that’ll never be able to be filled by anything.
“Oh, God.” Jared’s voice is hoarse by the time he reaches the end of the letter. “Oh God, oh my God.” Jared looks up at Jeff, his eyes are desperate and wild and he’s tearing up and Jeff can feel a painful squeeze in his heart at the sight.
“Jeff, what have I done?” Jared says, trembling. His hand grips the letter he holds with a crushing force. “Jensen…. He’s telling the truth. What have I done?” Jared chokes on a sob, looking so lost and in so much pain and Jeff knows the regret is starting to eat him from the inside as he grits his teeth and says,
“Jeff, I have to find him.”
---00o00---
That morning, Jared ends up telling Jeff everything.
Sitting there on his messed up bed with trace of tears still visible on his cheeks and eyes staring blankly at his tightly entwined hands, Jared spills his story. About his undying love for Jensen. How he had tried so hard to keep that feeling inside because he thought it was for the best. How he now realizes that his unconscious effort to forget about his broken heart due to Jensen’s leaving must had been the one that drove him so easily into the bitter scheme Thomas had cold-bloodedly set up for them both.
And then, gripping his fist so tight Jeff sure it will leave mark, Jared looks up and asks him with fresh tears in his eyes.
What should I do, Jeff?
The only thing filling my mind right now is this fierce desire to just kill myself and end this fucked up life of mine. But I know that even if I ripped my soul into pieces, it would all just be useless. Jensen will still be out there, alone and hurt and broken, all because of me.
Jeff shivers at the scary and painful truth behind those words. It causes him to just stand there, speechless. And just like that, as the silent stretched between both of them, Jared turns his gaze throughout the window and then Jeff can hear him beginning to chant that one phrase blankly, over and over again:
I have to find him.
After a moment, Jeff just can’t stand it anymore. He moves forward to haul Jared on his feet and hugs the shivering body tightly.
“It’s okay, Jay...” Jeff tightens his hold over Jared, realizing how his voice cracks when he says it. “It’s okay. We’ll find him.”
“We’ll definitely find him.”
---00o00---
It has been almost two months now and every day the feeling of déjà vu haunts Jared as he’s bending over backwards raking the whole town and beyond, keeping his eyes and ears open wide and doing everything he can with Jeff along his side, but still, he can’t find any trace of Jensen.
Once again, Jensen has disappeared into thin air.
And every single day, the unbelievable weight of regret and guilt and self-hatred and ‘what ifs’ are burdening Jared’s mind, so much that he already can feel the early stage of depression by each second passing.
He’s losing sleep, foods taste like rubber in his mouth, and the daily headache is a bitch.
He really believes he would have lost it and ended up spending the rest of his life in some mental hospital by now if it weren’t for Jeff who keeps encouraging him, providing back ups and suggestions and help and even a smack on the head if he misses his meal time.
But despite the endless support from Jeff, Jared knows his best friend can’t give him the things he needs the most right now: salvation, love, happiness, and Jensen.
Jared has lost all of them in one package, and this time he realizes he has nobody to blame but himself.
Jared is sitting behind his desk this afternoon, scanning stack of reports from those detectives he hired to locate Jensen. From what he’s reading, they still haven’t got a clue and Jared grits his teeth in despair.
That’s when the phone on his desk rings. Quickly, Jared picks it up, hoping it’s a call from Jeff, from someone, anyone, who can give him leads on Jensen.
“Jared Padalecki’s speaking.”
For a moment, nothing heard from the other end of line.
“It’s you…” A man growls suddenly.
Jared frowns at the hostilityheard clearly from his voice. “Who’s this?”
“It’s Mike.” The man says shortly. “Is Jensen there? I need to talk to him.”
Jared suppresses his annoyed feeling at the man’s impolite manner because he’s asking Jensen can only mean one thing.
“Are you Jensen’s friend?” Jared asks, excited at the possibility of finding the lost chain that can connect him to Jensen. “Look…, Mike. I’m Jensen’s brother. You’ve got to help me. Jensen left here almost two months ago and no matter what I do, I still can’t find him. Do you have any idea where he might be gone?”
“Yeah, I know you. Great job you’ve been doing as Jensen’s brother, you asshole.” Mike says in a sarcastic tone. “Now, what do you mean he’s gone?”
Jared closes his eyes and rubs his temple. Great, he whimpers silently. This guy is the only person that might be able to help him right now and it sounds like he hates Jared's guts.
“Yeah, well, some things happened.” Jared licks his lips, tries to tread carefully with his words. He doesn’t want this man to suddenly cut off his line in anger and leaves him back to square one. “He left one morning and I haven’t been able to reach or find him ever since.”
“I don’t get it.” Mike sounds confused, and annoyed. “He can’t be gone. He wired me the money two weeks ago, saying he was sorry that he wouldn’t be able to accompany me through the surgery because he had important things to do. The surgery worked wonders and Tom is healthy enough now that the doctor had allowed him to leave the hospital. I’m calling to give him this good news because all of a sudden he never called anymore.”
Jared is the one who’s confused now. “He wired you money? Could you tell me what the money was for?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Mike sounds surprised. “Fuck. That’s just great. I bet that means he was living high life with you there, wasn’t he?”
Jared’s mind is reeling with guesses and curiosity at this new piece of information and since he can’t find a word to say to the mocking words Mike throwing at him, he chooses to say nothing.
“Do you really think his reason to stay was just so he could lay back and live off of your father’s fucking money for the rest of his life?” Mike sounds amazed and once again Jared is speechless.
“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” Mike snorts. “Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Jared Padalecki. Jensen was so close to leaving that house and living somewhere else by himself after the will reading because he knew your assumptions of him would only get worse and he didn’t want that. That stubborn man just loves you too damn much. But then Tom got sick, and both of us were in dire need of money to pay for Tom’s heart surgery. That was why Jensen decided to stay, just so he could give us the money to get Tom healthy again.”
Jared gapes, unconsciously gripping the receiver harder.
Jensen stayed because of that?
Jared feels even worse than before now. His heart hurts so much that he can’t help but cringe because he can still remember every single word he had said to Jensen when he told him that he decided to stay.
“I…” Jared gulps down the bitterness he’s feeling in his mouth. His voice is hoarse and weak and he just doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with himself now. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, you know nothing about him.” Mike says grimly. “That guy has been through a lot of pain, yet he still came to you because he had this twisted faith that somehow you’d change and things would be better between the two of you.”
Jared squeezes his eyes shut at that. His throat was clogged with regret and oh how he wishes he can turn back the time.
“Wait,” Mike suddenly sounds worried. “If he left your house months ago, then where the hell is he now and where did he get the money from?”
Jared frowns. The new question Mike brought up to the surface has also made him feel restless all of a sudden. He checks the balance report everyday and there’s no suspicious or unknown expenses recorded, which means Jensen didn’t take any of Padalecki family’s money. But Jensen left without even bringing his canvas bag and clothes. It just doesn’t make sense.
Surgery costs a lot, he’s aware. Jared doesn’t have to ask Mike how much money Jensen had sent him. So yeah, where did he get the money from?
“Look, I know I’ve been the most horrible bastard when it comes to Jensen. But Mike, you’ve got to help me here. Could you please let me know if Jensen is contacting you in any way?”
“Are you stupid in the head?” Mike sounds like he doesn’t believe what he just heard. “What makes you think I’ll let him be near you ever again? All you do is hurt him and if it was up to me, I’ll make sure Jensen would never even be in the same room with you.”
Jared is about to beg, but Mike’s next question shuts him up.
“What did you do to make him leave anyway?”
Jared doesn’t know how to answer that. Telling the truth to Mike will only mean losing the only person that can lead him to Jensen.
“I’ve done bad things to him. Horrible things. Hell, I’m not even sure he’ll ever want to see me again.” Jared answers vaguely, pressing his chest to stop the stinging pain as the words leave his mouth. “But now that I’ve learned the truth, I need to find him, Mike. Jensen deserves at least an apology from me.”
Mike says nothing for a moment, and Jared unconsciously holds his breath.
“You know, if only I was standing in front of you now, you’d be on the floor bleeding.” Mike’s voice is dark and dangerous. “Just leave him be, Jared. Let people who actually care for him to go and find him. You don’t deserve Jensen at all so consider this a warning.”
And then Mike cuts the line off, leaving Jared in the brink of tears because he knows how right Mike’s words are.
Jensen deserves someone better, and at this point, even a fucking scumbag is worth more than Jared will ever be.
But he just can’t let go. He just can’t.
Jensen has been his life, his soul, and his reason to breathe for too long. He has been the ghost that haunts Jared’s life in every step he took. And what is happening between them now is only fueling up Jared even more to see Jensen once again, to apologize and beg on his knees and do just about anything to try to make things right, and then hold Jensen in his arms for eternity, giving all the love and protection against all harm like he has never been able to give before.
The way he sees it now, there’re only two options left in his life for him. It’s either he finds Jensen and somehow looking for a way to fix them, or move on with his life without Jensen by his side and end up dying a slow and painful death from the heartache and regrets.
Blinking his tears away, Jared dials a number on the phone.
“Mr. Gray” Jared says, recognizing the voice of the famous private detective team’s leader he’s currently hiring. “It’s Jared Padalecki. I need you to do me a favor.”
Leaning back in his seat, feeling so emotionally exhausted, Jared is staring longingly through the windows at rows of rose bushes blooming beautifully in the garden outside as he gives his order. “Someone called me on this line just now. His name is Mike and I’m pretty sure he can help us find my brother. I want you to track down the phone number he used and give me the details as soon as you’re done.”
---00o00---
Jeff shuts his BMW’s front door closed and rushes inside Padalecki’s residence. It has been 30 minutes since Jared ended his call, told him to meet him here as soon as he could because Jared has gotten a significant lead on Jensen’s whereabouts.
Jeff just hopes this lead won’t turn out to be a hoax, like many others had been before. Jensen is really good at disappearing, and these past two months there were numerous times Jeff couldn’t catch his sleep because of the worries that haunt his mind.
Jared is in his study, standing behind his desk, looking at a piece of paper held in his hand with a serious expression. Jeff notices black circles surrounding his best friend’s eyes, the way Jared’s cheek bones stand up under his skin like they never did before due to his messed up eating and sleeping schedule, and Jeff can’t help but feel saddened by the sight.
Jeff admits he has been having it hard lately, but what he feels can never be compared with destructive emotions Jeff knows have been swirling inside Jared ever since he lost control and bawled inside Jeff’s hug that morning after Jensen left.
Ever since his mother’s death, Thomas had been Jared’s target of love and attention. Jeff remembered the way Jared always had this smile on his face whenever he was talking about his father. Jeff also knew that the reason behind Jared never wanting to be anything but a successful businessman was because he admired Thomas badly.
Save for the last months of Thomas’s life, Jeff had never passed a single day with Jared without hearing him talking about his awesome father, bragging on and on about how much Thomas loved him. Thanks to Jared, Jeff used to be the first person to know about Thomas’s latest achievement and conquest, even before it was covered by media, and his best friend’s face was always beaming so brightly every time he told Jeff that.
Jeff assumes that Jared’s super-adornment act towards his father was partly because he didn’t allow himself to talk or do something about the other love of his life: his own step brother.
Jared’s face would turn dark and his answer was always curt and simple each time Jeff asked him about how Jensen was doing. And each time, he would end up talking more about Thomas instead, or sometimes about Mary. It had been like that for so long that Jeff found himself used to never talking about Jensen in Jared’s presence.
That being said, to be shoved by hard facts that his father’s true face is actually everything but what he had thought about him. And the sudden realization that he shouldn’t have had to endure all of his suffering caused by his suppressed love for Jensen, because it turned out Jensen loved him just as much. Those unexpected things must have done something bad inside Jared’s mind.
Jeff can’t really say he understands the reason behind what Jared had done to Jensen that morning. He’s not even sure Jared himself knows what had gotten to him. But in his line of work, Jeff had witnessed more than enough crimes which made him realize that people’s deepest emotions, those they kept forcefully locked and dormant inside the darkness of their souls, once exposed --especially if a denial is involved-- can really cause people to do ugly things that go beyond any common sense ever existing in this world
“Jeff!” Jared finally sees his approaching figure; grin on his face is wide and excited. For once after months, that handsome face seems to be brightened with spirits and hopes.
“Take a look at this.” Jared waves the small paper in his hand. “I think we’re really getting close to find Jensen this time.”
Jeff smiles; can’t resist to return that long time no see excitement in Jared’s expression. “What’s this?” He says and snatches the paper off Jared’s grip.
“Okay, hear me out.” Jared chirps, taking his seat. “Two days ago a man named Mike called me. I was assuming he’s one of Jensen’s friends, and he didn’t deny it.”
Jeff stares at Jared curiously.
Jared’s face suddenly turns sad. “I know from him that Jensen’s decision to stay was because he wanted to help Mike and his lover, Tom, who were in a bad situation. Tom’s weak heart needed a surgery and the cost was just too much for them, so Jensen had promised to give them the cash they needed by taking it from… my father’s… inheritance.” Jared flinches and Jeff knows it’s because he has just mentioned his father.
“But the weird thing is the fact that Jensen wired the money to Mike two weeks ago when we both know perfectly that Jensen had left here two months ago without bringing a single thing. And there is absolutely no record of unknown expenses in Padalecki’s account, right?”
Jeff nods, frowning.
“So I tried to persuade him to say more. But he hung up before I had chance to do that.” Jared smiles grimly. “It sounded like he hates me. I guess being Jensen’s friend, he’s pretty much aware about me being a grand asshole.”
Jeff chooses not to respond to that touchy subject. Instead, he stares at the paper and raises one of his eyebrows as he’s reading what seems like an address scribbled on that small note.
“That’s the address of the phone number he used. Mr. Gray gave it to me this morning.” Jared sees that and provides an explanation. “Apparently, it’s a bar called Port Locke. It’s pretty well known throughout that city, though the customers coming there are just your everyday handymen and store clerks kind of people. It’s just a regular bar for a regular people.”
“Uh-huh.” Jeff waits for Jared to continue.
“Well, this Mike together with Tom are working there as barmen and guess who used to be the third barmen working there.”
Jeff raises his eyebrows. “No way.” He says in surprise. “Jensen worked there?”
Jared nods. “He did but then he resigned around the time he first came back to this house. Not just that, Jensen used to live next to Mike and Tom’s apartment. It seems three of them are quite close friends.”
“Well, it pretty much explains why they know about Jensen’s story with you. So what are you going to do now?” Jeff asks, taking his seat on one of the couch.
“Well, I assume I won’t get anywhere if I approach Tom and Mike. In fact, they might try to stand in my way of finding Jensen if they know I dare to even step my feet near the bar. Mike had clearly warned me about that right before he hung up after all. But Mr. Gray had sent one of his men to ask around the town secretly, which wasn’t easy because it seems all of Port Locke’s crew is doing the exact same thing. They even put up missing person posters all over town. Anyway, one of the guys questioned, and bribed, said that he saw Jensen about more than a month ago, standing outside Port Locke, looking lost. The next thing he saw was Jensen leaving the bar with a man named Tony Holston. He’s known as typical town bastard.” Jared frowns at that. “He does odd jobs here and there and more than once he had made ruckus in some places.”
“His name is Tony?” Jeff snorts. “Why didn’t it surprise me to hear that he’s a thug? I even bet he speaks fake Italian accent for living.”
Jared smiles bitterly at the joke.
However all of a sudden Jeff finds himself feeling worried. “Wait, what kind of odd jobs?”
Jared shrugs, frowning even more deeply. “The guy couldn’t really say what job he does. It’s pretty vague and shady and most of the times people there just let him be as long as he stays out of their way. But Mr. Gray’s detective had succeeded in scraping the man’s address with some further investigation.”
“So, I’m going there, tonight. I’ve already prepared everything I might need.” Jared leans forward, folding his hands on the desk with full determination on his expression. “I’ll find him, Jeff. And do whatever it takes to free both of us from this long time suffering.”
Jared’s eyes are dead set on Jeff’s; daring him to raise an objection. He silently challenges the older man to say something, anything, because both of them know how weak and raw this plan of Jared is. It’s decided in a rush, based on despair and thinly stretched hope.
It’s a fucked up scheme made in a fucked up situation. There’s a very high possibility that Jared might come back empty handed, succeeding only in adding more pain and frustration into his life and it will not be because he doesn’t find Jensen on his way.
“You need to do this alone, don’t you?” Jeff returns Jared’s staring with a soft gaze.
It’s rhetorical. Jared doesn’t even bother to answer.
Jeff sighs, folding his hands on his chest. “Oh, hell. You’ll need someone to take care of everything while you’re leaving anyway. I guess the only thing I can do right now is just bidding you a farewell, right?”
Both men smile at that.
“Good luck, Jared.” Jeff says as Jared’s giving him a thankful gaze from behind his desk, and swallows his own worry and fear for what might come.
---00o00---
Jared is standing in front of the apartment numbered 103. Taking a deep breath, he knocks the wooden door hard, twice.
Two men he hired as bodyguard are standing silently behind him. With well built bodies and sunglasses on their face, they look scary and intimidating, just how Jared prefers them to be.
Actually he didn’t want to resort to ridiculously grandiose things such as this in the first place. However, if what he had heard about this Tony Holston is even only half true, then Jared thinks this is the best way he can come up with. There will be no way the man will want to cooperate easily, especially when he knows there’ll be nothing good in store for him in exchange of any information he might have, and even though Jared is certain that he can physically over power him if things get ugly, but Jared wants to keep this simple and easy.
Man like Tony Holston only fears for one thing: another man with more money and power than him.
However, bribing him with money has its own potential in making things more difficult. Jared can easily imagine the guy raising the price incredulously higher in order for him to open his mouth, and even worse Jared bets there will only be half truth in his words.
Jared really doesn’t have enough time and patience to deal with bullshit the man might put him up with. So Jared assumes that hard intimidation will work much better.
The door suddenly swings opened, revealing a foxy-eyed middle aged man with sly looks, a cigarette is hanging between his lips. Jared glances down and can see the man’s hand scratching his flabby belly beneath his undershirt and the room smells like public restroom in some shady bar.
Jared’s stomach churns at the horrible smell suddenly attacking his nose, but he tries to maintain the nonchalant looks he’s putting on his face.
“Tony Holston?” Jared nods a little. “My name is Jared Padalecki. Can I have a word with you?”
Tony Holston is eyeing Jared with narrowed eyes for a moment before turning his gaze to the men standing behind. “Are you here to collect money? I thought I’ve told Jefferson that I’ll have it delivered directly to him by Sunday.”
Jared holds the urge to roll his eyes. This guy is so typically pathetic. “No, I think you mistook me for someone else.” Jared clears his throat and takes a step forward. “I’m here simply to ask you for a favor.”
Tony’s eyes brightened at that. “You have a business for me?” He says, licking his lips. “FYI, I don’t take job that involves offing someone. Too damn messy, I tell you.”
Jared gives him a fake smile. “There’ll be none of that, Mr. Holston. It’s just a simple favor.”
Tony stares at Jared speculatively for a moment. “Wait here, I’ll put on my clothes. We’ll talk someplace else.” He says and shuts the door closed.
---00o00---
“You said it’s about a business.” Tony frowns, a hint of anger heard in his voice. He glances to that two men sitting next to his and Jared’s table and clears his throat.
The café they’re in now is not that crowded so it’s quiet and Jared knows that Tony doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention, which actually goes into his favor.
Tony wants to talk someplace safe, considering Jared is bringing two scary looking guy along with him, but it also means that it’s not only Jared that won’t be able to pull any funny tricks now. He has to watch his act too.
“From my point of view, it is a business, Mr. Holston.” Jared responds casually, his hands are laid on his thigh. “I want information, and I know you have it. It’s just that simple.”
“What makes you think I know about where your fucking stepbrother is right now?” Tony hisses.
Jared smiles. “Let’s just say I’ve done my homework.” Jared straightens his crossed leg and leans forward on his seat. “Now let me ask you this once again. Where is my step brother, Jensen?”
Tony glares at him. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Jared raises one of his eyebrows. “So you won’t admit that you met him about two months ago in front of Port Locke Bar? If you won’t then it’s funny since I know someone who swore up and down that he saw you leaving the bar with my step brother that one night.”
Tony doesn’t budge. “Perhaps the bastard needs his eyes checked, because I don’t remember shit about it.”
Jared meets Tony’s glare with a sharp stare. He really doesn’t have time for this, so he gets rid of the smile off his face and speaks with cold tone. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but my guys have been keeping their eyes on you for almost two weeks now. Remember that small secluded and dark alley behind…what’s it called in the report…“ Jared acts like he’s thinking hard. “Boheme Pub?”
Jared smiles when he can see Tony’s face paling at that.
“I don’t think it’s a pack of flour that you were handing over to that poor teenager. Which personally I think you should be ashamed of doing that, by the way. I bet the boy has not even had his stubbles grown.” Jared shakes his head dramatically and lets out tsk-ing sound.
But Tony is still sitting there, frozen yet without a word. Jared guesses he needs to lay out a little bit more shock therapy on this man.
“Or maybe that one time when my men were following you around as you spent the whole two days stealing cars off the parking lot and then sold them to a man named Jack? From the photos taken, I should say that you have horrible taste in cars. No wonder you only got less than five grand for those three junks you sold…”
“You’re just bluffing.” Tony cuts Jared’s words with gritted teeth, yet his face looks even paler than before.
Jared’s face is darkened at that. “You don’t have to believe what I said. But I’ll tell you this: you are one filthy scumbag who ruins people’s lives for a living and I have more than enough proof in my hand and lines of this country’s most well known lawyers at my side to drag you into jail whenever I want, even though I’m not saying that killing you won’t be a simpler thing to do. I know some men who can erase you from existence completely without having even a soul that will realize you’re rotting under the ground somewhere.” Jared’s voice is deep and dangerous and Tony licks his suddenly dried lips nervously.
Jared leans back on the seat and crosses his legs again. “This is a small town, Mr. Holston. You might not be used to having people sticking their noses into your dirty business, but you’re messing with the wrong person here.” Jared doesn’t let his sharp gaze off Tony’s eyes even for a second. “I’m from nowhere around, and I am too used to always getting what I want, one way or another. So all you have to do is answer my question honestly and I’ll make sure we will part with just a friendly handshake.”
Tony is looking at Jared with fear now, and Jared knows that soon this man will even kiss his feet if he orders him to.
“I…” Tony starts talking, stopping for just a moment to clear his throat again. “At first, I had no bad intentions whatsoever. He was looking so lost standing there in front of the bar, and he smelled like a truck stop. I couldn’t help but feel a pity on him. That was all.”
“Uh-huh.” Jared nods, completely doubting it was pity Tony felt for his brother.
“Well,” Tony licks his lips again, which seems like his tic. “I recognized Jensen from old days, when he used to work as one of Marty’s helpers. He was kind of hard to forget, if you get what I mean. I know lots of guys who came to Port Locke every night just so they can leer on his infamous tight ass.” He chuckles, but stops the second he sees Jared’s jaw tensing.
“Anyway, I invited him someplace else to drink because he seemed reluctant to enter Port Locke. It was a rough night, and I just felt like having the company.” He continues, glancing nervously towards Jared’s tightening fists every now and then. “But I swear I didn’t do anything that encouraged him to do it if that’s what you accuse of me. He brought up the topic first, asking me with this blank expression if I knew any way of making big bucks in a short time and all that shit. And when I gave him the offer, just like that, he instantly volunteered himself.”
Jared frowns at that, suddenly feeling bad.
Tony shrugs and continues talking, unaware of Jared’s reaction. “I accepted gladly, of course. I mean, I’ve always wanted to try this line of business for a long time. They say it’s easy and it’s worth big bank. But I was only interested in playing big league, you know. The small one tends to bring more of headache than profit. However, though I had all the connections that I needed to create my own link of customers, I just couldn’t find someone with enough beauty and despair to do it, so I gave it a rest. Until your brother came along and he fits so perfectly for the job.”
“Hold on a second.” Jared stops Tony’s story with a raised hand. He can feel a nausea starting to form at the back of his throat and his intimidating tone is lost when he opens his mouth again. “What kind of job are you talking about here?”
Tony looks at Jared as if he is crazy. “What the hell? I thought you said you know everything about me?”
Jared’s next words come out in a growl. “Just answer the question, dammit.”
Tony gapes at the horrid look Jared’s giving him. It seems like the young man is ready to jump out and choke him to death any second now. Tony licks his lips again, unconsciously inching back on his seat. “Easy there, man. If you really don’t know, I offered him a job as a high class hustler, of course. What else can it be?”
---00o00---
Before completely realizing what he was doing, Jensen found himself walking out of the Padalecki Residence’s front door, across the front yard and past the big gate on trembling feet. His shoes were pounding on the cemented path and after what seemed like hours, Jensen realized that he had been hundreds of meters away from the house.
A bit of sense returning into his shocked state of mind had reminded him that he brought no money with him. He still wore the same clothes from before and though he tried to ignore it, he could feel the uncomfortable and disgusting dampness on his lower body.
He felt dirty, but he knew that no shower or long soak in a tub would make him feel cleaner.
Tom and Mike’s apartment was the only place that came into his head now. However, no money meant zero possibility to go there by bus as he used to do.
That was why he decided to hitchhike. Get on and off one car to another, mostly trucks loaded with crap to sell, Jensen finally arrived to the town in where he used to live. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning, Jensen was sweaty and tired and there were so many things cramming his mind as he was walked halfway towards Mike and Tom’s apartment, only to realize all of a sudden that Mike must had been either in the middle of his night shift by this time, or staying in the hospital where Tom was being treated.
So here he was, standing in the cold in front of Port Locke, awkwardly putting his hands into the warmth of his pocket, glancing towards people coming in and out of Port Locke from behind the shadow.
Jensen was too afraid to enter, because he really didn’t know what to say to people he knew inside about the reason for him being here.
Tom wouldn’t be around to fuss over him for looking like a homeless man in his dirty clothes so Jensen could safely scratch him off his anxiety list.
Marty would just greet him with his wide smile as usual but Jensen knew he would see some questions in the man’s eyes at the fact that he was here at 3 in the morning looking like hell.
And Mike --if he was in there-- wouldn’t even say anything but Jensen would know from the way his jaw would tighten that he was this close to slap the words ‘I’ve told you so’ onto Jensen’s face.
They’ve warned him that much anyway. He was just too stubborn to listen. Now that things had developed the way they had, it only proved how right their words were.
Well, Tom and Mike are his best friends. Jensen knew all the hesitation and doubts he was feeling about them were just unlikely to happen. Assuming the worst was totally unfair and it was actually an insult to the deep friendship they shared.
Still, if they didn’t, surely someone else would, sooner or later. And Jensen had felt worthless enough about himself without having to bear the look of pity people would definitely give him when they heard the story of his stupidity and failure.
Not to mention the fact that now he had left Padalecki Residence, there was no way he’d ever be able to give Mike the money he promised for Tom’s operation. And among all of the horrible memories and thoughts and concerns swirling inside his head at the moment; that thought was the one that stood out most.
Jensen was so tempted to just walk away, find another place where he could hide and lick his deep wounds. But Jensen realized he had nowhere else to go but here. He could always kill himself but that option wouldn’t do any good for the situation Tom and Mike were in. He owed both of his best friends too much to ignore their cry of help.
Sighing, he closed his eyes and leant his body backwards over the bar’s wall behind him. The shocking experience he just went through with Jared had left him numb. And Jensen had been trying hard to block every single thing popping up in his mind that brought back the memories of last morning, yet as the result his head was pounding like crazy with headache.
“Hey, got a lighter?” A voice suddenly heard and Jensen opened his eyes.
A middle aged man was standing before him, giving him a smile that somehow chilled his skin. Jensen narrowed his eyes, because now that he got a better look, he recognized this man.
Jensen didn’t remember his name, but he used to be one of Port Locke’s most troublesome regulars. And if his memory served him right, this man had been making several shameless passes at him in the past.
Jensen shook his head as an answer and glanced around the street. It was pretty quiet already and there was just a person or two still wandering on the roadside in front of the bar. Jensen wished for this man to pick up on the sign of ignorance he was giving off, because God knows he had had enough trouble without having to deal with this sort of person.
The man smiled. “The name’s Tony.” He nodded towards the bar’s door. “Wanna get inside? I could use some company tonight.”
Jensen tried to hide his disgusted cringe at that and just stuck to another head shaking instead.
Tony stared at him for long. “Wanna go to someplace else then? You look tired.” He said and staring at Jensen’s disheveled clothes. “I know this good place with good drink and even better food. You can fill your stomach there, don’t worry, it’ll all be on me. I bet you’re hungry.”
Jensen was about to give him another shake, but his stomach chose that particular time to rumble.
Tony chuckled at that. “See? I’m right, aren’t I? Come on, I won't try anything funny.”
Well, Jensen indeed felt hungry, although the image of food didn’t entice him at all, given the messed up emotions churning inside him. However his body was getting weaker and Jensen knew he had to eat something. Staring at the man in front of him, Jensen thought ‘oh, what the hell’ and nodded, followed Tony’s excited steps.
The place where Tony took him was a small café, and that was about it. Jensen was too tired to pay attention to other details. Tony ordered him one full course of meal and a beer for himself.
The food served, and Jensen ate it with automatic movement, too blank to savor the taste. Meanwhile Tony kept talking about random things that Jensen didn’t even bother to listen.
He glanced every now and then at the now half drunken man sitting in front of him. Tony’s clothes looked pretty decent, and now that his mind was a bit clear, Jensen remembered that this man was known for doing odd jobs. Illegal shit, they say. And suddenly an idea struck Jensen.
It was a bad one, Jensen was aware, but it seemed like the only thing that could help Tom right now. So Jensen put down his knife and fork, and wiped his mouth with the napkin placed on the table.
“Hey.” Jensen spoke in a flat tone and Tony stop talking. “Can you find a job for me that pays a hundred grand in less than a month?”
Tony gapes at that. “Huh?”
Jensen repeated his question again, with the same blank gaze and expressionless face, and Tony was just staring at him, perhaps trying to guess whether what he just asked was a joke or not.
But Jensen was still staring at him with an expressionless face
Tony licked his lips, for the hundredth times this night his small eyes were sizing up Jensen’s figure up and down, though it was more of a calculating gaze this time.
“Actually I can.” Tony said finally, reaching for his glass of beer and gulped it down, eyes fixed on Jensen’s. “But it was something a guy like you usually won’t even consider doing. That’s why I must ask you this: how desperate are you right now?”
Jensen’s mind was unconsciously pulled back into last morning, the way Jared’s hand pinned his down, effectively immobilized him both with his strength and his hurtful words. And Jensen couldn’t help but laugh, softly at first before it got uncontrollable and the next thing he knew was Tony frowning at him.
Jensen wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “Let’s just say that I’m desperate enough at the moment, okay?”
Tony’s frown was still there when he said, “What I’m talking about here is a job of selling your body for the night to any wealthy man with enough cash to pay the high price I’ll set on you. Are you sure you’re up for that?”
Jensen showed no sign of surprise. He had expected this much. A pretty boy like him, when fallen and left with no choice, there was no other way for him but to go lower and end up as a hustler. And sitting there, Jensen was suddenly engulfed by this strange feeling, a horrifying fate.
His life was no longer meaningful, so if being a fucking male prostitute was the only way that could help Tom get back on his feet, then it all just made sense.
Now that he thought about it, he really shouldn’t have any problem with this kind of job. He never had any lovers before, but his body had become so familiar to a man’s touch. He almost chuckled again at the irony of that but settled on a bitter smile instead.
For his entire life, he had always been someone’s slut anyway. What was the big deal if he started charging?
‘And then I wish, by God, I will never have to see your face anymore.’
Jared’s words, so full of hatred, were suddenly haunting Jensen’s memories and it gave Jensen a peaceful surrender.
“I’ll do it.” Jensen said calmly. “But you have to keep this a secret."
TBC
PS: Do you think I have to add 'hustler' in my warning list? *bricked*
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 again for this chapter
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother was remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Here's new chapter. It's damn long. Too long. And I don't know if this one will suit your taste, considering there are so many pro and contra I received for my previous chapter. Comments and opinions are very most welcome.
I can understand why lots of people think that me putting the rape part into my story is because I want to give a shocking drama that can sparks my story better and gain more attention than it already has.
But as some of you can feel for yourself, if that's my purpose from the get go, isn't that kind of having a reversed impact on my reader? I even got few comments saying that they will stop reading this fic because Jared raping Jensen is just unacceptable and there's no way it will have a normal, make-sense happy ending. I thank them of course, for reading my story until this chapter.
But actually it's really not like that. Jared and Jensen here are far more twisted than what I might have convey with words (I suck, badly). And the story I've prepared in my mind is spiralling to something much further than just jared-raped-jensen-then-regretting-it-then-they-cuddle-up-with-jared-sprouting-apology-and-voila-it's-a-happy-ending. No. There's much more to it. I can even safely say that this story only has reached half parts of the whole.
I know some of my readers think happy ending in this kind of story is just not make sense. But world is just crazy like that (trust me, I know) and no matter how twisted I am, somehow I believe love conquers all. No matter how hurtful the past is. Of course, it won't be good without proper story line, so I hope all of you can have faith in me. I'm really trying my best here to present a decent story for you, and I need all the support I can get.^^;
But i really thank you, so very much, for those of you who have spared your time and given me your point of view. It's priceless and rewarding and you know how much I love you for that.
Really hope you'll enjoy this one though. I racked my brain for the whole two weeks I spent on writing it and now my brain is literally exhausted. ^^
“What do you mean he left?” Jeff glares at George.
The old butler pales at the tone of anger in Jeff’s voice. “I don’t know, Mr. Morgan. Mr. Ackles left this morning, by foot. He looked very upset, but I swear he took nothing in his hands. That’s why I assumed he was just going to take a walk somewhere. ”
Jeff brushes his hair in frustrations. Something bad must have happened.
He finished his job unexpectedly earlier than expected and just got off his night flight two hours ago. He rushed here right after because the bad feeling he had been having since he left New York just wouldn’t go away and was only getting worse.
But George said Jensen hadn’t been home even as the clock struck 10 pm, and when he and George checked Jensen’s room, Jensen’s things were still in their place.
“Where’s Jared?” Jeff grits his teeth. If something bad happened to Jensen, Jared must have at least known something about it.
“Mr. Padalecki hasn’t been out of his room since early this morning. Kate said Mr. Ackles went to see Mr. Padalecki before breakfast because he said he had something to talk about with him. He left house some times after that.”
Jeff gapes. Oh God, no.
Not that. Don’t tell me Jensen had been stupid enough to tell Jared about everything.
Rushing, Jeff goes straight up to Jared’s bedroom.
The door isn’t locked, and swinging it open, Jeff wrinkles his nose instinctively because all of sudden he is assaulted by heavy stench of alcohol filling the dark room.
Jeff curses as he hurriedly switches on the light and moves towards lines of big windows. Opening them wide to let the fresh night air in, he turns around and sees Jared sprawled on his bed, eyes shut.
His shirt is crumpled and more than two empty bottles of whiskey are lying on the sheets next to him, one is held in his loose grip.
Jeff watches as Jared frowns and blinks at the bright light of the lamp suddenly hits his senses.
“Fuck, my head.” He growls, holding his head and cringes.
It takes a full minute for him to realize Jeff is standing there across him, glaring.
“Jeff?” He slurs drunkenly.
“Where’s Jensen?”
Jared coughs and curses again because it makes his head hurt like hell. “What?”
“Where’s Jensen, Jay?” Jeff takes two steps forward, trying to maintain his patience.
Jared gives Jeff a blank gaze for a moment, before laughing and Jeff can see a flash of something dark in his eyes.
“That jerk?” Jared slurs, scrambling to sit. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s in the corner somewhere, weeping pathetically after what I’ve done to him.”
Jeff’s eyes squint sharply at that. “What did you say?”
Jared looks at Jeff with hazy eyes for a moment. “It’s not my fault, right, Jeff?” He shrugs and chuckles drunkenly. “It’s not like I’m the evil one. That bastard deserves it.”
Jeff’s patience is on the edge now and he grits his teeth. “Jared, in the name of lord, what did you do to him?”
But Jared doesn’t answer. He’s just sitting there, on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the soft Persian rug beneath.
“Answer me, damn it!” Jeff yells.
Jared looks up at that, and Jeff curses under his breath when he can see Jared’s eyes brimming with tears.
“He was…” Jared gulps down a breath. “He was standing right there, telling me all these fucked up things about how he loved me and how it was my father’s horrible treatment that drove him into the decision of running away three years ago…. And I just can’t believe it.”
Jeff shuts his eyes tightly in frustration. Apparently he guessed right, and by the time he opens his eyes, he can see Jared is shaking his head over and over again.
“He’d got to be lying, Jeff. My father would never do something that cruel.” Jared’s lower lips trembling as he says that. “He was a very good man and you know that. Hell, everybody knows that.”
Jeff pinches his nose bridge, a headache suddenly formed inside his head. Sighing, he stares at Jared. “Look, Jared. I’ve been here for almost an hour already and it’s almost fucking midnight, yet Jensen is nowhere to be found. George told me he left this morning upset, leaving his things behind in his now empty room. So let me ask you this once again. What did you do to him? ”
Jared looks back straight to Jeff’s eyes and grips the bed sheet tighter as he says, “I raped him.”
Jeff gapes. “You did what?” And Jeff frowns as Jared suddenly laughs.
“I raped him, Jeff. Here, on this bed.” Jared says with a bitter half-grin on his face, ignoring a flick of guilt that stings his heart sharply as he’s saying that.
And Jared has only two seconds to blink his haze away when suddenly he feels Jeff’s fist makes contact with his jaw so hard that the world turns black as he passes out.
---00o00---
Jared opens his eyes and the first thing he realizes is his head thrumming painfully. He groans and tries to sit straight. The morning sunlight floods through the all 6 opened windows and he’s forced to squint his eyes as he looks around the room.
That’s when he sees Jeff, sitting with a grim face on the couch across the bed, and suddenly some of the memories of last night come back to him.
Jensen. The rape. His cruel words to Jensen that he had said in despair to cover all the guilty feelings he felt afterward. Jeff’s angry punch on him.
Jared groans louder as the memory assault makes his head hurts even more and it catches Jeff’s attention.
Jeff stares at him, completely ignoring Jared’s pain. “I can’t find him, Jay.” His voice is thick with grief.
Jared rubs his forehead and frowns. “Can’t find who?”
Jeff glares. “Jensen.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I drove through almost half of the city, set my eyes on every one on the road side, hoping I’d catch sight of him. I went to every bus and train station, asking officers and people there who might have seen him around. But he’s nowhere to be found.”
Jared’s eyes turn dark. “Why trouble yourself with that?” He says mockingly, slowly swinging his feet down to the floor. Jared can feel his wall of twisted self defense thicken inside him. “I finally got it even with his betrayal and his wicked lies yesterday and if he chose to leave, then it suits me just fine. I just hope he won’t have guts to come back in the future.”
“You’re unbelievable, you know that? Have you ever thought that what Jensen said might be a God’s honest truth?” Jeff stares at him, amazed by the ignorance in his best friend’s voice.
Jared’s gaze at Jeff this time is not the kind one. “No, it has never crossed my mind before. You know why? It’s because I fucking know my father. He would never do something like that. And besides, why do you care so much anyway?” Jared is starting to lose his patience and forgetting all the manners.
“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him?” Jared snorts, apparently finding it ridiculous. “Damn, Jeff. I've known that Jensen was good at gaining favor from people since he was a little boy. But you’ve been a womanizer and heartless in love ever since I knew you and for him to finally succeed in getting your favor, I’m impressed.”
Jared never sees Jeff looking angrier than he is right now and he gulps as Jeff suddenly rises from his seat and strides to stand in front of him in a matter of seconds. Jared looks up nervously at Jeff’s towering figure.
“I’ve known you for so long, Jared, but I’ve never realized that you can be this shallow and narrow-minded.” Jeff says with disappointment clear in his voice. “You were blinded by anger and all those stupid scenarios your father had cruelly set up until you can no longer see or let yourself believe in a simple truth.”
Jared blinks. “What are you talking about?”
Jeff reaches inside his suit and takes out a thin paper fold. “This is what I’m talking about.” He hisses, waving the copy of Thomas’s letter for Jensen in front of Jared’s face. “Your father, Thomas, wrote this letter and gave it to me inside a sealed envelope, along with his will; giving me direct order to hand this over to Jensen right after the will reading. So now,” Jeff throws the letter into Jared’s lap, then takes two steps back, watching Jared stares dumbfounded at the paper fold. “You read that letter and tell me who the real lying traitor is.”
Glancing at Jeff once, who beckons him silently to just go on and read, Jared picks up the letter with his slightly trembling right hand, opens the folded papers and starts to scan words after words written on it.
Jeff bites his lips. Even after all the anger he shows for Jared’s stupidity, he can’t help but feel tremendous sadness for his best friend as he sits there with that letter in his grip, especially when Jeff can see Jared’s eyes widen more and more, his face scrunches in mental agony as he reads every single words on it.
Jared is finally, finally, getting the truth smacked in his face and Jeff knows that this time Jared can’t deny or dodge it because he must have recognized his father’s handwriting there right away.
Jared doesn’t deserve this. Neither does Jensen. And if only Thomas was still alive, Jeff would have killed him with his bare hands because seriously, that man had fucked up too many lives and even if somehow Jared and Jensen find ways to overcome all of this, there’s got to be a hole left inside both of them that’ll never be able to be filled by anything.
“Oh, God.” Jared’s voice is hoarse by the time he reaches the end of the letter. “Oh God, oh my God.” Jared looks up at Jeff, his eyes are desperate and wild and he’s tearing up and Jeff can feel a painful squeeze in his heart at the sight.
“Jeff, what have I done?” Jared says, trembling. His hand grips the letter he holds with a crushing force. “Jensen…. He’s telling the truth. What have I done?” Jared chokes on a sob, looking so lost and in so much pain and Jeff knows the regret is starting to eat him from the inside as he grits his teeth and says,
“Jeff, I have to find him.”
---00o00---
That morning, Jared ends up telling Jeff everything.
Sitting there on his messed up bed with trace of tears still visible on his cheeks and eyes staring blankly at his tightly entwined hands, Jared spills his story. About his undying love for Jensen. How he had tried so hard to keep that feeling inside because he thought it was for the best. How he now realizes that his unconscious effort to forget about his broken heart due to Jensen’s leaving must had been the one that drove him so easily into the bitter scheme Thomas had cold-bloodedly set up for them both.
And then, gripping his fist so tight Jeff sure it will leave mark, Jared looks up and asks him with fresh tears in his eyes.
What should I do, Jeff?
The only thing filling my mind right now is this fierce desire to just kill myself and end this fucked up life of mine. But I know that even if I ripped my soul into pieces, it would all just be useless. Jensen will still be out there, alone and hurt and broken, all because of me.
Jeff shivers at the scary and painful truth behind those words. It causes him to just stand there, speechless. And just like that, as the silent stretched between both of them, Jared turns his gaze throughout the window and then Jeff can hear him beginning to chant that one phrase blankly, over and over again:
I have to find him.
After a moment, Jeff just can’t stand it anymore. He moves forward to haul Jared on his feet and hugs the shivering body tightly.
“It’s okay, Jay...” Jeff tightens his hold over Jared, realizing how his voice cracks when he says it. “It’s okay. We’ll find him.”
“We’ll definitely find him.”
---00o00---
It has been almost two months now and every day the feeling of déjà vu haunts Jared as he’s bending over backwards raking the whole town and beyond, keeping his eyes and ears open wide and doing everything he can with Jeff along his side, but still, he can’t find any trace of Jensen.
Once again, Jensen has disappeared into thin air.
And every single day, the unbelievable weight of regret and guilt and self-hatred and ‘what ifs’ are burdening Jared’s mind, so much that he already can feel the early stage of depression by each second passing.
He’s losing sleep, foods taste like rubber in his mouth, and the daily headache is a bitch.
He really believes he would have lost it and ended up spending the rest of his life in some mental hospital by now if it weren’t for Jeff who keeps encouraging him, providing back ups and suggestions and help and even a smack on the head if he misses his meal time.
But despite the endless support from Jeff, Jared knows his best friend can’t give him the things he needs the most right now: salvation, love, happiness, and Jensen.
Jared has lost all of them in one package, and this time he realizes he has nobody to blame but himself.
Jared is sitting behind his desk this afternoon, scanning stack of reports from those detectives he hired to locate Jensen. From what he’s reading, they still haven’t got a clue and Jared grits his teeth in despair.
That’s when the phone on his desk rings. Quickly, Jared picks it up, hoping it’s a call from Jeff, from someone, anyone, who can give him leads on Jensen.
“Jared Padalecki’s speaking.”
For a moment, nothing heard from the other end of line.
“It’s you…” A man growls suddenly.
Jared frowns at the hostilityheard clearly from his voice. “Who’s this?”
“It’s Mike.” The man says shortly. “Is Jensen there? I need to talk to him.”
Jared suppresses his annoyed feeling at the man’s impolite manner because he’s asking Jensen can only mean one thing.
“Are you Jensen’s friend?” Jared asks, excited at the possibility of finding the lost chain that can connect him to Jensen. “Look…, Mike. I’m Jensen’s brother. You’ve got to help me. Jensen left here almost two months ago and no matter what I do, I still can’t find him. Do you have any idea where he might be gone?”
“Yeah, I know you. Great job you’ve been doing as Jensen’s brother, you asshole.” Mike says in a sarcastic tone. “Now, what do you mean he’s gone?”
Jared closes his eyes and rubs his temple. Great, he whimpers silently. This guy is the only person that might be able to help him right now and it sounds like he hates Jared's guts.
“Yeah, well, some things happened.” Jared licks his lips, tries to tread carefully with his words. He doesn’t want this man to suddenly cut off his line in anger and leaves him back to square one. “He left one morning and I haven’t been able to reach or find him ever since.”
“I don’t get it.” Mike sounds confused, and annoyed. “He can’t be gone. He wired me the money two weeks ago, saying he was sorry that he wouldn’t be able to accompany me through the surgery because he had important things to do. The surgery worked wonders and Tom is healthy enough now that the doctor had allowed him to leave the hospital. I’m calling to give him this good news because all of a sudden he never called anymore.”
Jared is the one who’s confused now. “He wired you money? Could you tell me what the money was for?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Mike sounds surprised. “Fuck. That’s just great. I bet that means he was living high life with you there, wasn’t he?”
Jared’s mind is reeling with guesses and curiosity at this new piece of information and since he can’t find a word to say to the mocking words Mike throwing at him, he chooses to say nothing.
“Do you really think his reason to stay was just so he could lay back and live off of your father’s fucking money for the rest of his life?” Mike sounds amazed and once again Jared is speechless.
“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” Mike snorts. “Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Jared Padalecki. Jensen was so close to leaving that house and living somewhere else by himself after the will reading because he knew your assumptions of him would only get worse and he didn’t want that. That stubborn man just loves you too damn much. But then Tom got sick, and both of us were in dire need of money to pay for Tom’s heart surgery. That was why Jensen decided to stay, just so he could give us the money to get Tom healthy again.”
Jared gapes, unconsciously gripping the receiver harder.
Jensen stayed because of that?
Jared feels even worse than before now. His heart hurts so much that he can’t help but cringe because he can still remember every single word he had said to Jensen when he told him that he decided to stay.
“I…” Jared gulps down the bitterness he’s feeling in his mouth. His voice is hoarse and weak and he just doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with himself now. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, you know nothing about him.” Mike says grimly. “That guy has been through a lot of pain, yet he still came to you because he had this twisted faith that somehow you’d change and things would be better between the two of you.”
Jared squeezes his eyes shut at that. His throat was clogged with regret and oh how he wishes he can turn back the time.
“Wait,” Mike suddenly sounds worried. “If he left your house months ago, then where the hell is he now and where did he get the money from?”
Jared frowns. The new question Mike brought up to the surface has also made him feel restless all of a sudden. He checks the balance report everyday and there’s no suspicious or unknown expenses recorded, which means Jensen didn’t take any of Padalecki family’s money. But Jensen left without even bringing his canvas bag and clothes. It just doesn’t make sense.
Surgery costs a lot, he’s aware. Jared doesn’t have to ask Mike how much money Jensen had sent him. So yeah, where did he get the money from?
“Look, I know I’ve been the most horrible bastard when it comes to Jensen. But Mike, you’ve got to help me here. Could you please let me know if Jensen is contacting you in any way?”
“Are you stupid in the head?” Mike sounds like he doesn’t believe what he just heard. “What makes you think I’ll let him be near you ever again? All you do is hurt him and if it was up to me, I’ll make sure Jensen would never even be in the same room with you.”
Jared is about to beg, but Mike’s next question shuts him up.
“What did you do to make him leave anyway?”
Jared doesn’t know how to answer that. Telling the truth to Mike will only mean losing the only person that can lead him to Jensen.
“I’ve done bad things to him. Horrible things. Hell, I’m not even sure he’ll ever want to see me again.” Jared answers vaguely, pressing his chest to stop the stinging pain as the words leave his mouth. “But now that I’ve learned the truth, I need to find him, Mike. Jensen deserves at least an apology from me.”
Mike says nothing for a moment, and Jared unconsciously holds his breath.
“You know, if only I was standing in front of you now, you’d be on the floor bleeding.” Mike’s voice is dark and dangerous. “Just leave him be, Jared. Let people who actually care for him to go and find him. You don’t deserve Jensen at all so consider this a warning.”
And then Mike cuts the line off, leaving Jared in the brink of tears because he knows how right Mike’s words are.
Jensen deserves someone better, and at this point, even a fucking scumbag is worth more than Jared will ever be.
But he just can’t let go. He just can’t.
Jensen has been his life, his soul, and his reason to breathe for too long. He has been the ghost that haunts Jared’s life in every step he took. And what is happening between them now is only fueling up Jared even more to see Jensen once again, to apologize and beg on his knees and do just about anything to try to make things right, and then hold Jensen in his arms for eternity, giving all the love and protection against all harm like he has never been able to give before.
The way he sees it now, there’re only two options left in his life for him. It’s either he finds Jensen and somehow looking for a way to fix them, or move on with his life without Jensen by his side and end up dying a slow and painful death from the heartache and regrets.
Blinking his tears away, Jared dials a number on the phone.
“Mr. Gray” Jared says, recognizing the voice of the famous private detective team’s leader he’s currently hiring. “It’s Jared Padalecki. I need you to do me a favor.”
Leaning back in his seat, feeling so emotionally exhausted, Jared is staring longingly through the windows at rows of rose bushes blooming beautifully in the garden outside as he gives his order. “Someone called me on this line just now. His name is Mike and I’m pretty sure he can help us find my brother. I want you to track down the phone number he used and give me the details as soon as you’re done.”
---00o00---
Jeff shuts his BMW’s front door closed and rushes inside Padalecki’s residence. It has been 30 minutes since Jared ended his call, told him to meet him here as soon as he could because Jared has gotten a significant lead on Jensen’s whereabouts.
Jeff just hopes this lead won’t turn out to be a hoax, like many others had been before. Jensen is really good at disappearing, and these past two months there were numerous times Jeff couldn’t catch his sleep because of the worries that haunt his mind.
Jared is in his study, standing behind his desk, looking at a piece of paper held in his hand with a serious expression. Jeff notices black circles surrounding his best friend’s eyes, the way Jared’s cheek bones stand up under his skin like they never did before due to his messed up eating and sleeping schedule, and Jeff can’t help but feel saddened by the sight.
Jeff admits he has been having it hard lately, but what he feels can never be compared with destructive emotions Jeff knows have been swirling inside Jared ever since he lost control and bawled inside Jeff’s hug that morning after Jensen left.
Ever since his mother’s death, Thomas had been Jared’s target of love and attention. Jeff remembered the way Jared always had this smile on his face whenever he was talking about his father. Jeff also knew that the reason behind Jared never wanting to be anything but a successful businessman was because he admired Thomas badly.
Save for the last months of Thomas’s life, Jeff had never passed a single day with Jared without hearing him talking about his awesome father, bragging on and on about how much Thomas loved him. Thanks to Jared, Jeff used to be the first person to know about Thomas’s latest achievement and conquest, even before it was covered by media, and his best friend’s face was always beaming so brightly every time he told Jeff that.
Jeff assumes that Jared’s super-adornment act towards his father was partly because he didn’t allow himself to talk or do something about the other love of his life: his own step brother.
Jared’s face would turn dark and his answer was always curt and simple each time Jeff asked him about how Jensen was doing. And each time, he would end up talking more about Thomas instead, or sometimes about Mary. It had been like that for so long that Jeff found himself used to never talking about Jensen in Jared’s presence.
That being said, to be shoved by hard facts that his father’s true face is actually everything but what he had thought about him. And the sudden realization that he shouldn’t have had to endure all of his suffering caused by his suppressed love for Jensen, because it turned out Jensen loved him just as much. Those unexpected things must have done something bad inside Jared’s mind.
Jeff can’t really say he understands the reason behind what Jared had done to Jensen that morning. He’s not even sure Jared himself knows what had gotten to him. But in his line of work, Jeff had witnessed more than enough crimes which made him realize that people’s deepest emotions, those they kept forcefully locked and dormant inside the darkness of their souls, once exposed --especially if a denial is involved-- can really cause people to do ugly things that go beyond any common sense ever existing in this world
“Jeff!” Jared finally sees his approaching figure; grin on his face is wide and excited. For once after months, that handsome face seems to be brightened with spirits and hopes.
“Take a look at this.” Jared waves the small paper in his hand. “I think we’re really getting close to find Jensen this time.”
Jeff smiles; can’t resist to return that long time no see excitement in Jared’s expression. “What’s this?” He says and snatches the paper off Jared’s grip.
“Okay, hear me out.” Jared chirps, taking his seat. “Two days ago a man named Mike called me. I was assuming he’s one of Jensen’s friends, and he didn’t deny it.”
Jeff stares at Jared curiously.
Jared’s face suddenly turns sad. “I know from him that Jensen’s decision to stay was because he wanted to help Mike and his lover, Tom, who were in a bad situation. Tom’s weak heart needed a surgery and the cost was just too much for them, so Jensen had promised to give them the cash they needed by taking it from… my father’s… inheritance.” Jared flinches and Jeff knows it’s because he has just mentioned his father.
“But the weird thing is the fact that Jensen wired the money to Mike two weeks ago when we both know perfectly that Jensen had left here two months ago without bringing a single thing. And there is absolutely no record of unknown expenses in Padalecki’s account, right?”
Jeff nods, frowning.
“So I tried to persuade him to say more. But he hung up before I had chance to do that.” Jared smiles grimly. “It sounded like he hates me. I guess being Jensen’s friend, he’s pretty much aware about me being a grand asshole.”
Jeff chooses not to respond to that touchy subject. Instead, he stares at the paper and raises one of his eyebrows as he’s reading what seems like an address scribbled on that small note.
“That’s the address of the phone number he used. Mr. Gray gave it to me this morning.” Jared sees that and provides an explanation. “Apparently, it’s a bar called Port Locke. It’s pretty well known throughout that city, though the customers coming there are just your everyday handymen and store clerks kind of people. It’s just a regular bar for a regular people.”
“Uh-huh.” Jeff waits for Jared to continue.
“Well, this Mike together with Tom are working there as barmen and guess who used to be the third barmen working there.”
Jeff raises his eyebrows. “No way.” He says in surprise. “Jensen worked there?”
Jared nods. “He did but then he resigned around the time he first came back to this house. Not just that, Jensen used to live next to Mike and Tom’s apartment. It seems three of them are quite close friends.”
“Well, it pretty much explains why they know about Jensen’s story with you. So what are you going to do now?” Jeff asks, taking his seat on one of the couch.
“Well, I assume I won’t get anywhere if I approach Tom and Mike. In fact, they might try to stand in my way of finding Jensen if they know I dare to even step my feet near the bar. Mike had clearly warned me about that right before he hung up after all. But Mr. Gray had sent one of his men to ask around the town secretly, which wasn’t easy because it seems all of Port Locke’s crew is doing the exact same thing. They even put up missing person posters all over town. Anyway, one of the guys questioned, and bribed, said that he saw Jensen about more than a month ago, standing outside Port Locke, looking lost. The next thing he saw was Jensen leaving the bar with a man named Tony Holston. He’s known as typical town bastard.” Jared frowns at that. “He does odd jobs here and there and more than once he had made ruckus in some places.”
“His name is Tony?” Jeff snorts. “Why didn’t it surprise me to hear that he’s a thug? I even bet he speaks fake Italian accent for living.”
Jared smiles bitterly at the joke.
However all of a sudden Jeff finds himself feeling worried. “Wait, what kind of odd jobs?”
Jared shrugs, frowning even more deeply. “The guy couldn’t really say what job he does. It’s pretty vague and shady and most of the times people there just let him be as long as he stays out of their way. But Mr. Gray’s detective had succeeded in scraping the man’s address with some further investigation.”
“So, I’m going there, tonight. I’ve already prepared everything I might need.” Jared leans forward, folding his hands on the desk with full determination on his expression. “I’ll find him, Jeff. And do whatever it takes to free both of us from this long time suffering.”
Jared’s eyes are dead set on Jeff’s; daring him to raise an objection. He silently challenges the older man to say something, anything, because both of them know how weak and raw this plan of Jared is. It’s decided in a rush, based on despair and thinly stretched hope.
It’s a fucked up scheme made in a fucked up situation. There’s a very high possibility that Jared might come back empty handed, succeeding only in adding more pain and frustration into his life and it will not be because he doesn’t find Jensen on his way.
“You need to do this alone, don’t you?” Jeff returns Jared’s staring with a soft gaze.
It’s rhetorical. Jared doesn’t even bother to answer.
Jeff sighs, folding his hands on his chest. “Oh, hell. You’ll need someone to take care of everything while you’re leaving anyway. I guess the only thing I can do right now is just bidding you a farewell, right?”
Both men smile at that.
“Good luck, Jared.” Jeff says as Jared’s giving him a thankful gaze from behind his desk, and swallows his own worry and fear for what might come.
---00o00---
Jared is standing in front of the apartment numbered 103. Taking a deep breath, he knocks the wooden door hard, twice.
Two men he hired as bodyguard are standing silently behind him. With well built bodies and sunglasses on their face, they look scary and intimidating, just how Jared prefers them to be.
Actually he didn’t want to resort to ridiculously grandiose things such as this in the first place. However, if what he had heard about this Tony Holston is even only half true, then Jared thinks this is the best way he can come up with. There will be no way the man will want to cooperate easily, especially when he knows there’ll be nothing good in store for him in exchange of any information he might have, and even though Jared is certain that he can physically over power him if things get ugly, but Jared wants to keep this simple and easy.
Man like Tony Holston only fears for one thing: another man with more money and power than him.
However, bribing him with money has its own potential in making things more difficult. Jared can easily imagine the guy raising the price incredulously higher in order for him to open his mouth, and even worse Jared bets there will only be half truth in his words.
Jared really doesn’t have enough time and patience to deal with bullshit the man might put him up with. So Jared assumes that hard intimidation will work much better.
The door suddenly swings opened, revealing a foxy-eyed middle aged man with sly looks, a cigarette is hanging between his lips. Jared glances down and can see the man’s hand scratching his flabby belly beneath his undershirt and the room smells like public restroom in some shady bar.
Jared’s stomach churns at the horrible smell suddenly attacking his nose, but he tries to maintain the nonchalant looks he’s putting on his face.
“Tony Holston?” Jared nods a little. “My name is Jared Padalecki. Can I have a word with you?”
Tony Holston is eyeing Jared with narrowed eyes for a moment before turning his gaze to the men standing behind. “Are you here to collect money? I thought I’ve told Jefferson that I’ll have it delivered directly to him by Sunday.”
Jared holds the urge to roll his eyes. This guy is so typically pathetic. “No, I think you mistook me for someone else.” Jared clears his throat and takes a step forward. “I’m here simply to ask you for a favor.”
Tony’s eyes brightened at that. “You have a business for me?” He says, licking his lips. “FYI, I don’t take job that involves offing someone. Too damn messy, I tell you.”
Jared gives him a fake smile. “There’ll be none of that, Mr. Holston. It’s just a simple favor.”
Tony stares at Jared speculatively for a moment. “Wait here, I’ll put on my clothes. We’ll talk someplace else.” He says and shuts the door closed.
---00o00---
“You said it’s about a business.” Tony frowns, a hint of anger heard in his voice. He glances to that two men sitting next to his and Jared’s table and clears his throat.
The café they’re in now is not that crowded so it’s quiet and Jared knows that Tony doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention, which actually goes into his favor.
Tony wants to talk someplace safe, considering Jared is bringing two scary looking guy along with him, but it also means that it’s not only Jared that won’t be able to pull any funny tricks now. He has to watch his act too.
“From my point of view, it is a business, Mr. Holston.” Jared responds casually, his hands are laid on his thigh. “I want information, and I know you have it. It’s just that simple.”
“What makes you think I know about where your fucking stepbrother is right now?” Tony hisses.
Jared smiles. “Let’s just say I’ve done my homework.” Jared straightens his crossed leg and leans forward on his seat. “Now let me ask you this once again. Where is my step brother, Jensen?”
Tony glares at him. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Jared raises one of his eyebrows. “So you won’t admit that you met him about two months ago in front of Port Locke Bar? If you won’t then it’s funny since I know someone who swore up and down that he saw you leaving the bar with my step brother that one night.”
Tony doesn’t budge. “Perhaps the bastard needs his eyes checked, because I don’t remember shit about it.”
Jared meets Tony’s glare with a sharp stare. He really doesn’t have time for this, so he gets rid of the smile off his face and speaks with cold tone. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but my guys have been keeping their eyes on you for almost two weeks now. Remember that small secluded and dark alley behind…what’s it called in the report…“ Jared acts like he’s thinking hard. “Boheme Pub?”
Jared smiles when he can see Tony’s face paling at that.
“I don’t think it’s a pack of flour that you were handing over to that poor teenager. Which personally I think you should be ashamed of doing that, by the way. I bet the boy has not even had his stubbles grown.” Jared shakes his head dramatically and lets out tsk-ing sound.
But Tony is still sitting there, frozen yet without a word. Jared guesses he needs to lay out a little bit more shock therapy on this man.
“Or maybe that one time when my men were following you around as you spent the whole two days stealing cars off the parking lot and then sold them to a man named Jack? From the photos taken, I should say that you have horrible taste in cars. No wonder you only got less than five grand for those three junks you sold…”
“You’re just bluffing.” Tony cuts Jared’s words with gritted teeth, yet his face looks even paler than before.
Jared’s face is darkened at that. “You don’t have to believe what I said. But I’ll tell you this: you are one filthy scumbag who ruins people’s lives for a living and I have more than enough proof in my hand and lines of this country’s most well known lawyers at my side to drag you into jail whenever I want, even though I’m not saying that killing you won’t be a simpler thing to do. I know some men who can erase you from existence completely without having even a soul that will realize you’re rotting under the ground somewhere.” Jared’s voice is deep and dangerous and Tony licks his suddenly dried lips nervously.
Jared leans back on the seat and crosses his legs again. “This is a small town, Mr. Holston. You might not be used to having people sticking their noses into your dirty business, but you’re messing with the wrong person here.” Jared doesn’t let his sharp gaze off Tony’s eyes even for a second. “I’m from nowhere around, and I am too used to always getting what I want, one way or another. So all you have to do is answer my question honestly and I’ll make sure we will part with just a friendly handshake.”
Tony is looking at Jared with fear now, and Jared knows that soon this man will even kiss his feet if he orders him to.
“I…” Tony starts talking, stopping for just a moment to clear his throat again. “At first, I had no bad intentions whatsoever. He was looking so lost standing there in front of the bar, and he smelled like a truck stop. I couldn’t help but feel a pity on him. That was all.”
“Uh-huh.” Jared nods, completely doubting it was pity Tony felt for his brother.
“Well,” Tony licks his lips again, which seems like his tic. “I recognized Jensen from old days, when he used to work as one of Marty’s helpers. He was kind of hard to forget, if you get what I mean. I know lots of guys who came to Port Locke every night just so they can leer on his infamous tight ass.” He chuckles, but stops the second he sees Jared’s jaw tensing.
“Anyway, I invited him someplace else to drink because he seemed reluctant to enter Port Locke. It was a rough night, and I just felt like having the company.” He continues, glancing nervously towards Jared’s tightening fists every now and then. “But I swear I didn’t do anything that encouraged him to do it if that’s what you accuse of me. He brought up the topic first, asking me with this blank expression if I knew any way of making big bucks in a short time and all that shit. And when I gave him the offer, just like that, he instantly volunteered himself.”
Jared frowns at that, suddenly feeling bad.
Tony shrugs and continues talking, unaware of Jared’s reaction. “I accepted gladly, of course. I mean, I’ve always wanted to try this line of business for a long time. They say it’s easy and it’s worth big bank. But I was only interested in playing big league, you know. The small one tends to bring more of headache than profit. However, though I had all the connections that I needed to create my own link of customers, I just couldn’t find someone with enough beauty and despair to do it, so I gave it a rest. Until your brother came along and he fits so perfectly for the job.”
“Hold on a second.” Jared stops Tony’s story with a raised hand. He can feel a nausea starting to form at the back of his throat and his intimidating tone is lost when he opens his mouth again. “What kind of job are you talking about here?”
Tony looks at Jared as if he is crazy. “What the hell? I thought you said you know everything about me?”
Jared’s next words come out in a growl. “Just answer the question, dammit.”
Tony gapes at the horrid look Jared’s giving him. It seems like the young man is ready to jump out and choke him to death any second now. Tony licks his lips again, unconsciously inching back on his seat. “Easy there, man. If you really don’t know, I offered him a job as a high class hustler, of course. What else can it be?”
---00o00---
Before completely realizing what he was doing, Jensen found himself walking out of the Padalecki Residence’s front door, across the front yard and past the big gate on trembling feet. His shoes were pounding on the cemented path and after what seemed like hours, Jensen realized that he had been hundreds of meters away from the house.
A bit of sense returning into his shocked state of mind had reminded him that he brought no money with him. He still wore the same clothes from before and though he tried to ignore it, he could feel the uncomfortable and disgusting dampness on his lower body.
He felt dirty, but he knew that no shower or long soak in a tub would make him feel cleaner.
Tom and Mike’s apartment was the only place that came into his head now. However, no money meant zero possibility to go there by bus as he used to do.
That was why he decided to hitchhike. Get on and off one car to another, mostly trucks loaded with crap to sell, Jensen finally arrived to the town in where he used to live. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning, Jensen was sweaty and tired and there were so many things cramming his mind as he was walked halfway towards Mike and Tom’s apartment, only to realize all of a sudden that Mike must had been either in the middle of his night shift by this time, or staying in the hospital where Tom was being treated.
So here he was, standing in the cold in front of Port Locke, awkwardly putting his hands into the warmth of his pocket, glancing towards people coming in and out of Port Locke from behind the shadow.
Jensen was too afraid to enter, because he really didn’t know what to say to people he knew inside about the reason for him being here.
Tom wouldn’t be around to fuss over him for looking like a homeless man in his dirty clothes so Jensen could safely scratch him off his anxiety list.
Marty would just greet him with his wide smile as usual but Jensen knew he would see some questions in the man’s eyes at the fact that he was here at 3 in the morning looking like hell.
And Mike --if he was in there-- wouldn’t even say anything but Jensen would know from the way his jaw would tighten that he was this close to slap the words ‘I’ve told you so’ onto Jensen’s face.
They’ve warned him that much anyway. He was just too stubborn to listen. Now that things had developed the way they had, it only proved how right their words were.
Well, Tom and Mike are his best friends. Jensen knew all the hesitation and doubts he was feeling about them were just unlikely to happen. Assuming the worst was totally unfair and it was actually an insult to the deep friendship they shared.
Still, if they didn’t, surely someone else would, sooner or later. And Jensen had felt worthless enough about himself without having to bear the look of pity people would definitely give him when they heard the story of his stupidity and failure.
Not to mention the fact that now he had left Padalecki Residence, there was no way he’d ever be able to give Mike the money he promised for Tom’s operation. And among all of the horrible memories and thoughts and concerns swirling inside his head at the moment; that thought was the one that stood out most.
Jensen was so tempted to just walk away, find another place where he could hide and lick his deep wounds. But Jensen realized he had nowhere else to go but here. He could always kill himself but that option wouldn’t do any good for the situation Tom and Mike were in. He owed both of his best friends too much to ignore their cry of help.
Sighing, he closed his eyes and leant his body backwards over the bar’s wall behind him. The shocking experience he just went through with Jared had left him numb. And Jensen had been trying hard to block every single thing popping up in his mind that brought back the memories of last morning, yet as the result his head was pounding like crazy with headache.
“Hey, got a lighter?” A voice suddenly heard and Jensen opened his eyes.
A middle aged man was standing before him, giving him a smile that somehow chilled his skin. Jensen narrowed his eyes, because now that he got a better look, he recognized this man.
Jensen didn’t remember his name, but he used to be one of Port Locke’s most troublesome regulars. And if his memory served him right, this man had been making several shameless passes at him in the past.
Jensen shook his head as an answer and glanced around the street. It was pretty quiet already and there was just a person or two still wandering on the roadside in front of the bar. Jensen wished for this man to pick up on the sign of ignorance he was giving off, because God knows he had had enough trouble without having to deal with this sort of person.
The man smiled. “The name’s Tony.” He nodded towards the bar’s door. “Wanna get inside? I could use some company tonight.”
Jensen tried to hide his disgusted cringe at that and just stuck to another head shaking instead.
Tony stared at him for long. “Wanna go to someplace else then? You look tired.” He said and staring at Jensen’s disheveled clothes. “I know this good place with good drink and even better food. You can fill your stomach there, don’t worry, it’ll all be on me. I bet you’re hungry.”
Jensen was about to give him another shake, but his stomach chose that particular time to rumble.
Tony chuckled at that. “See? I’m right, aren’t I? Come on, I won't try anything funny.”
Well, Jensen indeed felt hungry, although the image of food didn’t entice him at all, given the messed up emotions churning inside him. However his body was getting weaker and Jensen knew he had to eat something. Staring at the man in front of him, Jensen thought ‘oh, what the hell’ and nodded, followed Tony’s excited steps.
The place where Tony took him was a small café, and that was about it. Jensen was too tired to pay attention to other details. Tony ordered him one full course of meal and a beer for himself.
The food served, and Jensen ate it with automatic movement, too blank to savor the taste. Meanwhile Tony kept talking about random things that Jensen didn’t even bother to listen.
He glanced every now and then at the now half drunken man sitting in front of him. Tony’s clothes looked pretty decent, and now that his mind was a bit clear, Jensen remembered that this man was known for doing odd jobs. Illegal shit, they say. And suddenly an idea struck Jensen.
It was a bad one, Jensen was aware, but it seemed like the only thing that could help Tom right now. So Jensen put down his knife and fork, and wiped his mouth with the napkin placed on the table.
“Hey.” Jensen spoke in a flat tone and Tony stop talking. “Can you find a job for me that pays a hundred grand in less than a month?”
Tony gapes at that. “Huh?”
Jensen repeated his question again, with the same blank gaze and expressionless face, and Tony was just staring at him, perhaps trying to guess whether what he just asked was a joke or not.
But Jensen was still staring at him with an expressionless face
Tony licked his lips, for the hundredth times this night his small eyes were sizing up Jensen’s figure up and down, though it was more of a calculating gaze this time.
“Actually I can.” Tony said finally, reaching for his glass of beer and gulped it down, eyes fixed on Jensen’s. “But it was something a guy like you usually won’t even consider doing. That’s why I must ask you this: how desperate are you right now?”
Jensen’s mind was unconsciously pulled back into last morning, the way Jared’s hand pinned his down, effectively immobilized him both with his strength and his hurtful words. And Jensen couldn’t help but laugh, softly at first before it got uncontrollable and the next thing he knew was Tony frowning at him.
Jensen wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “Let’s just say that I’m desperate enough at the moment, okay?”
Tony’s frown was still there when he said, “What I’m talking about here is a job of selling your body for the night to any wealthy man with enough cash to pay the high price I’ll set on you. Are you sure you’re up for that?”
Jensen showed no sign of surprise. He had expected this much. A pretty boy like him, when fallen and left with no choice, there was no other way for him but to go lower and end up as a hustler. And sitting there, Jensen was suddenly engulfed by this strange feeling, a horrifying fate.
His life was no longer meaningful, so if being a fucking male prostitute was the only way that could help Tom get back on his feet, then it all just made sense.
Now that he thought about it, he really shouldn’t have any problem with this kind of job. He never had any lovers before, but his body had become so familiar to a man’s touch. He almost chuckled again at the irony of that but settled on a bitter smile instead.
For his entire life, he had always been someone’s slut anyway. What was the big deal if he started charging?
‘And then I wish, by God, I will never have to see your face anymore.’
Jared’s words, so full of hatred, were suddenly haunting Jensen’s memories and it gave Jensen a peaceful surrender.
“I’ll do it.” Jensen said calmly. “But you have to keep this a secret."
TBC
PS: Do you think I have to add 'hustler' in my warning list? *bricked*