[Series]Reaching For Happiness, JaredxJensen (14/?)
Author:freedomthisway
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 for now. Hard R eventually.
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother was remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Finally, an update!
Pheww... *wipes sweats*
What took me so long, you say?
Well, this chapter has more than 7000 words. I hope it explains the long update a bit. :D
And my awesome beta, inkbymidnight is currently feeling miserable because her laptop's power chord broke down. And unfortunately it also means my almost finished beta-ed chapter 14 in her laptop's hard drive is becoming unavailable for her to access until it gets fixed. (God, I feel sorry for making so much trouble for her.)
Since she knows I've promised all of you that Chapter 14 will be posted today, she gave me suggestion to post this chapter unbeta-ed first, then to edit it with the beta-ed chapter she'll send me as soon as her laptop is up and running again.
So that's what I'm doing. Here it is: chapter 14, unbeta-ed with all it's lame glory. :DD
Just so you know, I haven't posted this update in any community like I used to because I know my unbeta-ed story version will make a lot of people cringes. But I've promised to some of you to update and besides, all of you who has been staying with me since day one I started the fic: you know that my english is lame like that, don't you? xDDD
Anyway, since you'll see lots of English fails in this. Please don't read if you don't want to, just wait till I get my edited version from Lubna, kay??
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...
I hope you'll like this one too! Comments are loved! XD
“Jeff asked me this afternoon if I wanted to work with him in his firm.” Jensen says, trying to sound casual despite the nervousness he felt as he plays with the food on his plate. Jensen is pretty sure Jared won’t like the idea of him staying away from home, away from his grip and control, even if for only a few hours a day.
Jared looks up from his plate and gives Jensen a sharp glare. “Then tell him no. And don’t forget to say thank you. I don’t want people start to think that all Padaleckis are ungrateful human beings now that you’re amongst us.” He says, sarcasm thick in his voice, before returning his attention back to his plate.
Jensen swallows down the food in his mouth difficultly at hearing that. The familiar ache is back and he's lost his appetite again.
“I’m bored.” Jensen says, teeth gritted, and reaches for his glass of water with a slightly trembling hand. “I have nothing to do here except taking care of the garden until there’s not an inch of the ground left that I can plant something on and you won’t let me touch almost anything else in this house.”
Jared huffs a small laugh. “That's funny.” He sneers. “I thought you were enjoying this whole Pauper-turns-into-Prince-Overnight game. I was wondering why you haven’t started to roam the town in one of our Bentleys and maxing out the credit card in every possible way yet.”
Jensen doesn’t respond. It’s just another one of Jared’s daily verbal attacks and despite the heat pooling in the corner of his eyes every time Jared’s degrading words hit him, Jensen kind of thinks that he’s almost used to it by now.
A few minutes pass in silence, but Jensen isn’t ready yet to give up. Not yet. He really needs something new to expect everyday aside from Jared and his fury. “I have a right to do what I want, Jared. You can’t lock me inside this house for a whole 6 months.”
His words are influenced by hurt and they're not a wise thing to say in this situation, but Jensen just couldn’t help it.
The minute Jared’s glare is back on him with full force, Jensen regrets saying that.
“You’re right. Who am I to do that? Besides, haven’t you always done what you want? You left us as you pleased anyway.” With a horrifying calmness, Jared pushes away his half-finished plate and wipes his mouth before his eyes, as dark as the night sky, are back on Jensen. “I can’t force you to reject Jeff’s offer, but then again, I also have every right to stop Jeff’s contract as Padalecki’s family lawyer and strip him from his current associate position in the Padalecki Law Firm if he insists on hiring you. And I can assure you, that won’t be good for him. Most of his clients are coming from my line of friends anyway.”
Jensen gapes. No way will Jared do that. “You wouldn’t.” He whispers without even realizing it. “He’s your best friend, Jared.”
Jared lifts one of his eyebrows, throwing a challenge to Jensen. “Just like you said, everyone can do what they want as long as they have the right to do it and doesn’t matter if it means hurting someone in the process.” Jared shrugs. “I’m just living by your examples.”
Jensen says nothing more for the rest of the dinner; just sits there with his shoulders hunched in yet another defeat.
---00o00---
Jared sighs as he leans on his seat in his study that night. The memory of Jensen’s pale face right after he gave him the ultimatum is still fresh in his mind.
It’s an empty threat, of course. Jeff is still his best friend until now and he was just bluffing to shut Jensen up.
But now that he thinks about it, he won’t be surprised to find himself firing Jeff if Jensen still accepts Jeff’s offer to work under him.
Jensen has been here for almost two weeks and Jared could see how close Jeff and Jensen had become. Hell, Jared could always hear the sounds of their laughing coming from garden from his open window. And later, Jared would see Jensen’s face lit up again with smiles at dinner time.
It irks the hell out of him. Thus he ends up saying worse and worse things to Jensen just to see the smiles gone from Jensen’s beautiful face by the time he leaves the dinner table.
Jared keeps telling himself that he does it because it’s right there on his invincible scheme plan of revenge. That he wants Jensen to suffer and all that stuff.
But deep down he knows that the reason that fueled his ridiculously cruel ultimatum was nothing more than his repressed jealousy, realizing he’s not the man who can make Jensen laugh or smile like that. He can’t do what Jeff does because every time Jensen’s near him the pain of his past comes back and it overpowers his love for Jensen so deeply that he is left tired and helpless to fight against it.
And to tell the truth, it fucks him up inside and he wonders if it’s possible for him to go crazy one day because of this.
---00o00---
Jared leaves home to go to work early in the morning and Jensen, for once after many days, has breakfast alone. Jensen can’t help but feel relieved.
Jeff stops by again right before lunch time, and Jensen tells him that listen, Jeff, I’m sorry but no, I don’t think I can accept your kind offer to work in your firm. But really, thank you so much.
Jensen even manages to maintain half a smile on his lips as he says those words exactly like how Jared told him to. Jared would be proud, Jensen thinks bitterly.
Jeff doesn’t like it, apparently. Not one bit, judging from his deep frown and darkened eyes.
“It’s Jared, isn’t it?” Jeff hisses. “That stubborn bastard. Let’s see what he says when I come to his office later to kick his ass.”
Jeff looks like he really means it, and Jensen panics. He knows how close Jared is with Jeff and after everything Jared has accused him of; Jensen doesn’t want being the one who messes up their friendship to be added to the list so he tries to calm the man. “Jeff, look. It’s not because of Jared. I just need more time to adjust to living in this house. After all, I’ll be here for a very long time, won’t I?” Jensen hoped Jeff would find his smile reassuring. “Besides, now that I’ve looked around more, there are tons of things I can still do in the house.”
Jeff looks at him with narrowed eyes, obviously not buying anything Jensen said. The older man folds his arms over his chest and gives Jensen a speculative stare. “Yeah? What things?”
Jensen’s brain works fast. “My mother’s stuff!” He finally says, almost shouting from nervousness. “Yeah, it’s… Jared told me that my mom’s stuff is still lying around up in the attic. Thomas kept them there -lots of stuff-- and I figure it’ll take weeks to clean and organize them a bit. And maybe keep some of it for myself, you know, as memories.” Jensen gives Jeff a half grin, feeling somewhat bad for lying to him.
But it’s for the greater good. Or so some people said because the fact remained that Jensen still feels his stomach clench at the thought that he lied to someone. Someone nice.
“Jared told you about where they were kept?” Jared asks, unbelieving that Jared was that cooperative towards Jensen.
“Sure!” Jensen exclaims. “Jared isn’t that bad, you know. I find him… nice some times.” Jensen cringes a little because after spending years trying to be as honest as he could be, these lies really take the cake.
The truth is, Jensen had to spend three days arguing with Jared until finally he succeeded in making Jared tell him, grudgingly, where his mom’s stuff was kept. And even after he found them, it only took a half day to clean and organize them because there weren’t much left. Most of them were old clothes, and all Jensen was able to dig out to keep for himself were two of his mom’s photos, a music box his mom used to play for him before putting him to bed, and his mom’s favorite romance book.
Jeff looks at him for a long time and Jensen gives him a wider smile, hoping it’ll finally convince him.
“Well…” Jeff drawls. “Yeah, okay. If that’s what you want then I guess there’s nothing else I can do. I can imagine how valuable that stuff must be to you.”
Jensen takes a deep breath when finally Jeff is all smiles again.
“But, Jen, maybe you can think about it once again after you’re done with your mom’s stuff? You will need some quality time for yourself once in a while, away from Jared, to keep you sane.” Jeff adds seriously.
And Jensen can only nod, muttering Sure, I will.
If only Jeff knew how much Jensen wished he could do that, knowing how true Jeff’s words are.
---00o00---
Jeff stays longer for lunch on Jensen's insistence.
And as he’s sitting there in the dining room with Jensen across from him, there have been hundreds of moments when Jeff honestly thinks he should have just opened his mouth and told Jensen that he knows.
But this thing, this dark secret finally revealed to him, is just too fucked up and too damned epic to be kept hidden. And Jeff believes he needs to tread carefully if he wants to set things right between Jared and Jensen.
Jeff swears that fate must have been messing with him because right in this very tense time, a client who lived halfway across the country died last night, and Jeff has to leave tonight by plane to take care of his will. And considering how tricky the old man made the details of his inheritance, Jeff will have to stay there for at least five days.
That's just fucking peachy.
Jeff can’t just drop the bomb on Jensen or Jared all of a sudden and then disappear for days.
Knowing Jensen, he’ll feel deeply ashamed because Jeff found out about his dark past with Thomas. And there’s also a high possibility that he’ll just bail again, no matter how much Jeff tells him that It’s okay and I understand and It’s not your fault, Jen, so let me help you figure this out.
Jensen probably will leave this house once again to go God knows where and Jeff won’t be there to stop him.
As in Jared’s case, Jeff knows how much Jared loves his father. For Jared, Thomas is his hero. And suddenly having that image of his father crushed won’t be easy for Jared to handle.
Jeff can predict the series of denials coming from his stubborn best friend upon finding out that his beloved father was nothing more than a perverted-evil-pedophile-manipulative-bastard. And then there’ll be rows of empty liquor bottles because it’s just what Jared did.
Not to mention the possibility of fits of rage Jared will throw at himself, at Jeff, at the world in general, or worse: at Jensen in particular.
Jeff fears for the last the most and if he left New York after telling everything to Jared, Jensen won’t have anybody to stand up for him and to protect him from Jared’s fury.
Revealing the secret to both of them at once is also a bad, BAD idea. Jeff just has to combine Jensen’s and Jared’s reaction above in one frame, then pack his bag to leave them for a couple of days, and voila, there’ll be hell.
The point is, Jeff has decided to help both of them straighten things out and he intends to commit to it fully by being their mediator and, if necessary, knocking some senses into their head in the process. That’s why Jeff knows he will have to wait until he gets back to open the Pandora's Box.
Jeff smiles at a joke Jensen tells and seeing Jensen laugh, Jeff finally decides on that course of action.
“Hey, Jen.”
Jensen looks up from his plate, still smiling. “Yeah?”
“Look, I think I won’t be able to visit you until next week. I have a job out of town and I’ve booked a plane ticket for tonight.” Jeff says, apologizing with his smile.
Jensen’s smile disappears and he looks so much like a lost kid that Jeff has to grit his teeth to stop himself from standing up and giving Jensen a big hug.
“Is that so?” Jensen says, forcing a laugh, before scratching his head. “Well, it can’t be helped then, I guess. I’ll try to stay alive and busy until you come back.” Jensen grins with a cringe in his eyes and Jeff feels a pang of sadness, knowing that his daily visits might be Jensen’s only consolation after dealing with Jared.
“You know my cell number, Jen. If anything happens, just call me anytime.”
Jensen stares at him long before smiling, a full smile now. “Yeah, I know.”
After lunch, in near the front door, Jeff gives Jensen a hug. “I’ll check on you everyday so make sure you’re home at night, okay? Take care.” He mutters after letting go and Jensen just laughs at his display of overprotective tendencies, but still Jeff can’t shake a bad feeling in his chest as he sees Jensen’s waving figure get smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror.
---00o00---
Jensen is bored and agitated as hell. It’s been two days since Jeff’s last visit and his mood has hit a new low.
Jared, thank God, has left for work again today after spending the whole day yesterday making Jensen miserable.
Jensen wonders that if things will be like this everyday, how the hell he is going to start his plan to win Jared’s heart. It’s just beyond his imagination and Jensen can’t help but begins to feel restless because nothing goes the way he wants it ever since he decided to stay. Even a simple ‘Good morning’ to Jared coming from his mouth can turn into a painful conversation for his side.
Problems with Jared puts aside, the flowers in the garden are fully bloomed already and everything Jensen can think of doing in this big house has already done by him and now he’s itching to do something, anything.
Jensen’s last call to Mike was yesterday, and Mike told him that Tom’s condition was still stable. Tom had some palpitations two days ago, but the doctor had managed to take care of it and Mike said that there was nothing Jensen needed to worry about. Jensen really wants to come and visit Tom once again, but traveling fare from New York to the town where Tom is hospitalized is not cheap. Jensen still has some money left from what he had brought with him to this house, but Jensen wants to save it in case something urgent happened. The thought of taking even a penny more from Thomas’ inheritance doesn’t appeal Jensen in any way.
But now he really needs something that can cheer him up. That’s why he figures today he can go to one of Padalecki’s company building. Just looking around, checking things out, diverting his mind from the messed up situation waiting for him after Jared comes back from the office.
He’ll appear anonymously, of course. He doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention and ended up making more fights with Jared. Perhaps he can decoy the building’s guards and go up to the top of the building and just sits there, watching New York’s view in all its glory, until it’s time to go home.
Suddenly finds a bit spirit, Jensen changes his clothes with something semi-formal: a blue long sleeved shirt and a black formal pants Tom gave him a year ago as birthday present. At least this clothes won’t make him seems out of place there.
Jensen overheard Jared talking in his cell this morning that he’ll be in the main office of Padalecki Estate the whole day today, so Jensen decides to visit one of the other Padalecki companies. His choice falls to Padalecki Advertising.
It’s risky, he’s aware of it.
Padalecki Advertising is now legally owned by Jensen’s step aunt, Sarah. And after what happened in the day the will was read, Jensen is more than realizing that his step aunt’s family keeps a lot of hatred for him. It won’t be odd if he crosses path with one of them in his visit to the company, and if it does happen, Jensen has no clue what he’ll do or say.
But among his not so much interests, Jensen has been attracted to the world of advertising, graphics, and that kind of stuff for so long and he used to visit the company when he was teenager, just to walk along the exhibition hall and admire frame after frame of already published and successful advertisement hung all over the wall.
He also remembered that he was always very eager every time Jared asked him to come along together when Thomas had schedule of ads-presentation in the office. Jensen will sit quietly on his seat next to Jared and Thomas, silently observing and making mental notes using his own childish judgment towards the quality of the ads being presented by the creative staffs.
And now that he thinks about it, he remembers he also can see a full view of Liberty Statue clearly from the top of Padalecki Advertising building.
Risks put aside, his plan is just perfect.
---00o00---
The building complex of Padalecki Advertising is still the same as in Jensen’s memory. The only differences are that Jensen can see the security tools installed in the building is getting more hi-tech and some of the office’s furniture has been changed into minimalist-modern style.
Jensen walks straight into the elevator, passing two guards while trying to look like he’s actually having some businesses here other than sightseeing. Jensen pushes the 2nd floor elevator button where he hopes the exhibition hall is still located.
Apparently, it still is. And for the next one hour, Jensen is a teenager once again, exploring frame after frame --lots of them are new ones-- and he’s drowning in his own world as he’s admiring and analyzing each advertisement with now a more mature view. People passing by are ignoring him, perhaps assuming that he’s one of the company’s future clients.
By the time he reaches the end of the hall and finishes gaping on the last display of advertisement for a brand of coke, Jensen feels better already. But now he really wants to pee. He forgets how cold the air conditioner is in the office.
There’s a men’s room down the hall, he knows. But its strategic location makes it a quite popular men’s room. Most of company employees use that place, and Jensen doesn’t want to risk coming across with somebody he knows.
So Jensen walks further, nearing the door connecting to emergency exit. If his memory serves him right, there’s a quite secluded toilet. People rarely use it because as far as Jensen can remember, often there was a problem with the plumbing system.
And he’s right. The toilet is still there. And it looks quite deserted. The buzzing and bustling sound of the company’s activities apparently doesn’t reach this place and it’s very quiet.
Jensen enters the door with ‘Men’ written on it and finishes what he’s coming for in one of the stalls. After washing his hands, Jensen walks towards the door, opens the men’s room door and exits with only a little sound, intending to start finding a way to go to the top of building without attracting too much attention.
That’s when he hears some noises coming from inside of the women’s room.
There’s a woman talking, and a man too from what it sounds. But what bothers him is the woman’s voice sounds full of fear.
With heart beating fast, Jensen carefully putting one of his ears on the next room’s wooden door, trying to overhear some more before doing something radical like kicking the door down.
It’s okay, Jensen can hear the man speaks in a low and persuading tone. Don’t you want that creative director position?
The woman mumbles something too low for Jensen to catch up. But her tone still alerts Jensen.
Look, all you have to do is let me have you once, or maybe twice if you are good, the man is speaking again and he sounds less impatient now.
Hearing that, Jensen is now getting clearer assumption on what kind of situation is inside of the room. Jensen is about to knock, asking the woman if there’s something wrong so the man inside will know that there’s someone out here, but then what Jensen hears next coming from the man’s mouth surprises him.
You know my mom owns this company, don’t you? I can easily ask her to promote you. But if you won’t do as I say, who knows how much longer you can stay in your recent job here, the man -to Jensen’s disgust-- says it sleazily with obvious threat in his voice.
And that’s when Jensen gets it.
No wonder the man’s voice sounds a little familiar in Jensen’s ear. It’s almost positive now to Jensen that the man’s voice owner is his cousin, Freddy Robinson, Jr. And he’s in the middle of harassing a female employee sexually!
No, don’t, please, Jensen can hear the woman sobs. Gritting his teeth, Jensen throws his previous idea of knocking-first-ask-questions-later out of the window and just turns the door knob --which apparently isn’t even locked-- hard.
What a clumsy asshole, Jensen thinks angrily as the door opens with a bang sound and reveals Freddy standing close to a beautiful woman; his hand is around her waist, while her face is full of tears.
“What the…?!” Freddy squeals in surprise and quickly lets his hold on the woman go. His eyes turn wider as he recognizes Jensen. “You! What the fuck are you doing here?”
Jensen gives the frightened woman a little calming smile before glaring at Freddy. “I should’ve been the one asking you that. It’s a women’s toilet, yet here you are manipulating a lady to fulfill your perverted wish.”
The woman looks at Jensen, and then back to Freddy, now in confusion though there’s relief expressed on her face. But she doesn’t waste this perfect chance to escape.
“Excuse me.” She says and fleeing passes Jensen towards the exit and disappears. The sound of her heels on the floor echoes until it’s no longer heard.
It’s just Jensen and Freddy left.
“I heard everything, Freddy.” Jensen says in a calmer tone, but still glaring. “Don’t you feel ashamed using your mother’s name to do something this filthy?”
Freddy’s face is red, angry and embarrassed to be caught by Jensen of all people. He walks approaching Jensen who doesn’t budge from where he’s standing.
“It’s none of your business, Ackles. So shut it.” Freddy tells Jensen and pokes him once with his finger. “Even since you were a little brat, you’re always an annoying busy body. I wonder what my mom will say if she knows you’re here roaming her company. For a traitor like you, you must be up to no good.” He sneers and then leaves Jensen with hasty steps.
A few seconds pass before Jensen leans his back on the nearest wall and takes a deep breath. His heart is still thumping madly due to the adrenaline.
Freddy’s last words make him cringe. Thanks to this fucked up coincidence, there’s no doubt he’ll get into another trouble with Padaleckis after this. Although Jensen doesn’t regret what he was just done.
I guess trying to see Liberty Statue from the top is no longer an option, Jensen mourns.
It’s time for him to go home.
---00o00---
By the time the taxi he rides on reaches the driveway in front of Padalecki’s residence’s front door, it’s almost dawn. While waiting for George to open the door, Jensen can tell from the black Hummer parked in the garage that Jared is home already.
George greets him as he enters the house and Jensen smiles weakly, walking tiredly to his room. What happens today has drained out his energy, and he’ll need a long soak in the bath to restore it if he wants to face Jared properly at dinner later.
When he’s in the bathroom, Jensen can hear phones ringing all around the house, including the one in his room. But it stops a few seconds later, perhaps George or Jared has picked it up. Jensen waits up motionless for a few second, trying to listen the sound of the intercom back in his room, because maybe it’s from Mike.
But nobody’s calling him over the intercom, so Jensen resumes his bath.
Soaked under the warm water, Jensen’s mind is wandering.
He really wants to forget about what happened today. Seeing the hostility shown by the rest of Padalecki family members at the will reading, or like what he had been through this afternoon with Freddy, Jensen can’t help but feel disheartened once again. He wonders if the image the other Padaleckis have about him is really that bad.
Even if he succeeds in winning Jared’s heart, will the rest of the family be willing to accept him as a part of Padalecki once again?
What if they won’t?
Once again Jensen questions his decision to stay. Could it be that everything he’s fighting for right now will, after all, be proven worthless? Will it be better if he just leaves this house and Jared, bearing all the loneliness and trying in vain to forget about his love?
Suddenly those thoughts making him feel trapped between his unforgettable and painful past and his future that that without doubt will always be haunted by the shadow of his past. It makes him feel restless and he decides to shorten his bath time.
After, Jensen puts on a black t-shirt and pair of grey pants, and getting ready to come down. But then the intercom on the wall next to the door beeps once.
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice is heard.
Jensen’s heart thumped at the grim sound of Jared’s calling his name. He approaches the intercom and pushes the button. “Yes?”
“I want to talk to you in my study, now.” Jared’s tone is cold and harsh and there’s a hint of anger in his words.
“Alright.” Jensen says with a frown. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
He can feel his restlessness doubled as he exits his room and hurriedly walks down the stair towards Jared’s study.
Something’s not right and Jensen can pretty much guess what makes Jared suddenly want to have a private conversation with him.
Jensen’s earlier self-question about how bad his image in the eyes of other Padaleckis is answered by the time he enters Jared’s study.
“I’ve heard that you went to Padalecki Advertising today?” Jared asks from behind his desk, frowning at Jensen.
Jensen feels a little scared at Jared’s harsh tone, but to tell the truth, he didn’t do something wrong, right? There’s nothing he should have worried about, so he tries to be calm as he answers Jared’s question. “Yes, I did. Something’s wrong?”
Jared’s eyes darkened at his answer. “Aunt Sarah called just now. She said she doesn’t want to see you around her company ever again. And she complained to me about your awful treatment towards Freddy. She specifically told me that she won’t tolerate if you offend Freddy or any of her family once more.” Jared’s expression shows his disapproval.
Jensen gapes at that totally-off-the-reality-statement. “I think Aunt Sarah misses the bigger picture here, Jared. I caught Freddy red-handed when he was trying to manipulate a poor woman employee and he was obviously harassing her sexually. Do you honestly think I should have just stood there and watched the woman gets violated?”
“Aunt Sarah doesn’t want you to be near her family or her company ever again.” Jared repeats, clearly ignoring Jensen’s explanation.
Jared’s reaction makes Jensen suddenly feel depressed and helpless. Trying to hold back tears, he says, “If that woman decides to sue Freddy for sexual harassment charges, Aunt Sarah might have to worry about something’s worse than me.”
But Jared still glares at him. “Right now, Freddy is also working as Marketing Manager in Padalecki Estate and he’s one of the best employees. He has great talent in marketing and he’s worth a thousand times more than you are. So don’t you dare causing him any more trouble.”
Jensen can feel the stabbing ache in his heart at hearing Jared’s words. “It seems for you everything is worth more than I am.” Jensen says hoarsely, defiance clear in his voice as he can no longer control his anger due to the pain he feels. “When these 6 months over, Freddy’s position in Padalecki Estate might have to be replaced.”
“Freddy needs the job.” Jared says grimly.
Jensen nods in approval, tears glistening in his eyes. “Then he might have to remember that.”
Jensen’s hidden threat makes Jared’s jaw tightened, and he looks even angrier than before. “If you fire each and every Padalecki’s employee who won’t lick your ass, we will never have enough workers.”
“They don’t need to lick my ass.” Jensen says with gritted teeth. “All they need to do is just accepting me and showing a proper respect.”
“They’ll respect you if you deserve it.” Jared responds, his words inclining that there isn’t even a single Padalecki family that respects Jensen in reality.
Jensen lifts his chin up, trying to appear uninfluenced by Jared’s horrible comment. “They’ll follow an example from you.”
Silence follows Jensen’s statement for a long time, but Jared’s hardened expression isn’t changed.
“Then just give up.” Jared says finally.
Little victory Jensen feels earlier disappears at that. He swallows emotion so thick he believes he’ll choke on it.
“Why do you keep so much hatred for me, Jared?” Jensen says, sad and desperate.
Jared’s burning stares at him dims a little. “You damn well know why.”
“Then what if… “ A sob escapes from Jensen’s lips. “What if one day you find out that I deserve none of these?”
Jensen doesn’t know what makes him say that. It’s just too fucking close to ruin every effort he has made on keeping the secret safe from Jared. But Jensen is so tired, and he just doesn’t understand how else he should stop all of these pain and sadness filling his heart.
Fury in Jared’s eyes is clear for Jensen to see a moment before he turns his gaze away from him. With a rough movement, Jared collects his paperwork scattered on his desk and arranges it in a messed up order.
“Get out.” Jared growls, eyes still refuse to look at Jensen.
Jensen really wants to cry now, because he can see that the wall of hatred between them is only getting higher than before. He helplessly realizes that perhaps even if he tells Jared the truth --about everything-- it will only be potential to make Jared hates him even more.
Turning around, Jensen walks out the room slowly.
---00o00---
Jensen doesn’t come down for dinner. He has no strength left to do so. He even ignores George’s knocking his room’s door and his announcing that dinner’s ready and that Jared is waiting for him in the dining room.
The tension for these last 24 hours have sucked his energy dry. And at this kind of moment, Jensen really wishes he was someone else who has another person he can lean to and love, and be loved back in return.
Jensen has always desired a feeling of comfort, wrapped in a sense of security. But his need to get close to someone in a romantic relationship has always collided with his eternal one sided-love for Jared. And that paradox has been making his life miserable.
He had surrendered to his desire a few times and went for a date with some men he met and knew along those times after he escaped home, hoping to find someone who could replace Jared’s position in his heart. But when a kiss or hug held other meanings than friendly touch, he always resisted and backed away.
His experience with Thomas --no matter how many times the man had made him come-- Jensen was never able to enjoy them. There were just too many fears and disgusts and tears for him to actually get into it. While with other men, Jensen had never been touched by the true lust. And he knows exactly why a lustful kiss and wild embrace from those men can’t turn him on.
It’s simply because they’re not Jared.
That thought depresses Jensen even more and he moves to change his clothes with a black undershirt and a short. He then walks over to his bed, flipping his bed cover and getting ready to sleep.
But then a knock is heard once again on his door, and Jensen knows at once that this time it must be Jared standing in front of his door. Only his knock can be heard so demanding.
Sighing, he walks towards the closed door and asks Jared from behind it. “What do you want?”
“Kate has warmed your dinner.”
It surprises Jensen. Jared’s low tone sounds harsh, but there’s a hint of softness in it. Suddenly pissed off at himself for imagining things that’s definitely not there, Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and lifts his slightly trembling hand, putting his palm on the wall beside the wooden door and then resting his forehead on it, trying not to be influenced by Jared’s subtly kind words.
“I’m going to bed already. I’ll thank her in the morning.”
There is a silence for a moment before Jared’s voice is heard again. “Open the door.”
That order said in low tone makes Jensen’s emotion rises up again. The hurt is still there and it makes Jensen suddenly swing the door open. “What is it? Haven’t you satisfied in showing your hatred to me today?” Jensen hisses, but then he sees the food tray Jared’s holding on one of his hands.
Jensen’s eyes widen at that because the food on the tray is supposed to be his dinner and he shifts his gaze to stare questioningly at Jared’s serious expression.
Jared curses the guilty feeling inside him that makes him bring Jensen’s dinner to his room. If he knew before hand that he’ll see Jensen in his thin t-shirt and short, showing too much smooth skin for Jared’s comfort, Jared would have chosen to bear his guilt or just bother Kate to bring the tray instead.
And if he knew that he’ll see surprised stare and a sparkle of hope in Jensen’s green eyes, he would have definitely ignored the fucking guilt.
Doesn’t want to stay too long upon this tempting view in front of him, Jared enters the room in strides. Putting the food tray on a small corner table in Jensen’s room, Jared turns around. “Kate’s feeling could get hurt.” He says, hoping it’ll suffice to kill the earlier impression Jensen might have on his act that seems to bring up his hope.
Jensen turns his gaze to the tray at that and Jared can feel that Jensen’s expectation is gone. Nevertheless, as Jensen’s attention focused on the tray, Jared can’t help but gazing at him.
When his eyes catch the view of Jensen’s muscled thighs and upwards, Jared can feel his body reacts by itself and suddenly there’s so much heat pooling down in his stomach. It makes Jared feels so angry to himself. It seems that his hatred towards Jensen still can not restrain his desire for the man. In fact, the lust he feels is weakening his resolution and Jared is suddenly filled with immense self-disgust.
Jensen averts his gaze from the food tray to Jared’s hardened face. Jensen figures from Jared’s look that Jared must have regretted his kindness in this small matter and his own body becomes tense, unconsciously feels the need for self-defense. But still he thanks Jared with a soft voice.
It’s as if time stops as their eyes met. None of them moves and Jensen can feel strange sensation roaming his whole body as he watches Jared’s gazing at him from head to toe. It’s hard for Jensen to breathe and his heart’s thumping wildly, because if he doesn’t know better, he swears he can see so much lust and emotions swirling in Jared’s eyes.
But it can’t possibly be and Jensen keeps chanting those words inside his head and his eyes widen as Jared finally takes a few steps towards his direction.
Jared is almost only an inch away from him when suddenly Jensen feels panicky at this unknown-nameless-unimaginable atmosphere created between them, and half unconsciously Jensen moves away from the door quickly, away from Jared.
Jared looks like he just got punched on the face at seeing Jensen’s reaction. Jensen watches him stop and blinking his eyes with tensed jaw, before turning his gaze away from Jensen and resuming his steps out of the door.
As soon as Jared leaves, Jensen shuts the door closed. Desire still has its full power over him and it’s making him trembled in the silence of the room as he listens to Jared’s footsteps in the distance.
---00o00---
Jeff calls early in the morning the next day when Jensen is still on his bed, blinking at the strays of sunlight coming from the windows.
And after talking, within five seconds Jeff can tell that something’s wrong.
“What did Jared do this time?”
Jensen takes a deep breath. He doesn’t like talking about this kind of thing with Jeff, because Jeff will only see from one point of view: Jensen’s. And he’ll blame or get mad at Jared, without knowing that actually Jared is also a victim in this case.
But he really needs someone to talk to right now, and Jeff is the only one around.
“I know that Freddy is a fucking bad news since the first time Jared introduced him to me. With his empty brain, he’s just too full of shit.” Jeff says in annoyed tone after Jensen finished telling him almost everything happened related to his incident with Freddy yesterday. What happened last night in his room with Jared, Jensen keeps it to himself because even now he still can’t figure out what exactly was going on between him and Jared that time.
“Yeah, well. He has been a bit of a dick since he’s a little, but I never knew he’ll come to hate me so much.” Jensen says in tired voice.
Both of them say nothing for a long time, until Jeff’s words break the silence. “Jensen, do you love Jared?”
Jensen’s eyes widen at that. Carefully keeping his voice calm, he laughs a bit. “What are you talking about? Of course I do, Jeff. He’s my brother.”
“No, I don’t mean loving him as a brother, but as a man.” Jeff sounds a bit impatient. “Do you?”
Jensen is too shocked to say anything.
“Look, Jen.” Jeff sighs at Jensen’s speechlessness. “I know you do. And don’t ask me how, I just know.”
Still Jensen says nothing. He doesn’t trust his voice if he opens his mouth now.
Jeff’s voice turns soft, persuading. “Come on, Jen. Just come clean with me. Let it out, and maybe you’ll feel better.”
And Jensen doesn’t know why, but hearing Jeff’s words tears he has been holding suddenly spill out uncontrollably. His body shakes and it’s torn between fear and relief of knowing that finally, finally, another person understands him, understands how hard it is to face the hatred from someone you love so much.
And it’s not just any other person. It’s Jeff, Jared’s best friend.
“Yes, I do.” Jensen’s confession comes out in a whisper.
Jeff keeps silent, allowing Jensen all the time he needs to cry until he’s satisfied and all that’s left are just sobs.
“What should I do, Jeff? It hurts so much.” Jensen sounds so lost that Jeff can feel his heart constricted.
“You know,” Jeff says softly. “I think Jared loves you too in the same way.”
“What? What do you mean?” Surprise and curiosity are evident in Jensen’s hoarse voice.
So then Jeff tells Jensen about his theory. Facts in Jared’s life that make Jeff believe Jared’s feeling for Jensen is deeper than how it seems in the surface. How Jeff sometimes caught Jared staring at Jensen with wanting eyes when he thought nobody’s looking, and how his impenetrable anger at the moment is probably because it also hurts him a lot to think that Jensen, the person he loves, had left him with too many grief to bear and too few words.
“I won’t ask you again why you left him in the first place. I know you won’t tell me that.” Jeff says in the end. “But, Jen, won’t you please just try to bear with all of this a little while longer? The anger blinding Jared’s objective perceptions will be gone and Jared’s scar will heal one day. And no matter how much it hurts now, you know you want to be by his side when that happens, don’t you?”
Jensen doesn’t answer and Jeff knows Jensen will need some time alone to think about what he just said.
“Jen, I think I’ll hang up and let you think about it, okay? I’ll call you again the day after tomorrow since I’ll be very busy from today onwards and I might not be able to call you like usual. I think I’ll make my next calls on my plane home.” Jeff says, and grins when he only hears Jensen mumbles something as the response, apparently still drifted too deep into his own thoughts by Jeff’s earlier explanation.
Hanging up the phone, Jeff sighs. He really wishes nothing worse will be happened before his returning to New York to help both his best friends settle this problem between them once and for all.
---00o00---
Jeff’s words totally throw Jensen in a loop.
He finds it so hard to believe that Jared is also actually in love with him just as much. And not to mention Jeff’s said proves can’t be categorized as hard evidence.
But it’s Jeff, who has been standing besides Jared for years, even when Jensen wasn’t around. It should be enough time for someone to understand Jared thoroughly.
And there’s also the look Jared had on his face that night when he brings Jensen’s dinner to his room. No matter how much Jensen refuses to think about it for he doesn’t want to encourage false hope that might hurt him further, still Jensen knows that there was something more than lust in Jared’s eyes when his gaze met Jensen’s that night.
And now Jensen can’t help but feels that a bud of hope has grown inside his heart.
Could it be true that Jared holds the same desire as Jensen does deep within his heart? Does he dare to believe that?
Apparently, he has to.
Because now that there might be a chance that his love for Jared isn’t one sided, somehow Jensen believes that there is no more perfect timing other than this moment to tell Jared about everything,
Jensen seriously thinks that he can no longer bear Jared’s hatred even for a little bit longer. His poor heart seems like it has reached its limit.
If Jensen doesn’t do something about it, he fears that the pressure of this situation will do something bad to him in the end.
Sure it won’t force him into a decision to leave this house because there’s no way he’ll abandon Tom and Mike now when they needed him the most.
But if he lets things just go like the way it is now, what Jensen fears the most is that even before the 6th month is over, he’ll be too broken to be fixed.
Jensen realizes that if he wants to stop the flow of Jared’s wrath on him, he’ll have to tell the truth, about his feelings and about Thomas. Jensen knows now that what Thomas had done to him in the past will always haunted his relationship with Jared if he insists to keep silent about it.
It won’t be easy for both of them, especially for Jared. And it pains Jensen to think how Jared will suffer after he learns about that dark secret. But Jensen will be there for him.
And if Jared’s heart is really for Jensen like what Jeff had said, someday they should be able to overcome the past and all the heartaches that follow it. And then, maybe one day, Jensen will wake up in the morning to Jared’s sleeping face and he’ll smile because at last his happiness is lying there beside him.
Finally reaching his decision, Jensen stares outside the window and he can see that this morning’s weather is amazing with the bright sun shining and blue clouds hovering up the earth in the sky.
It’s a perfect day for revelation.
He’ll come clean to Jared about everything. That being said, Jensen realizes that today could really be the day that marks the beginning of a new chapter in his and Jared’s life.
And Jensen hopes, for once there won’t be any darkness marring this chapter.
TBC
PS: Okay, next chapter will be one of the most trickiest part to write, guys. God, I'm so nervous. I hope I have enough muses to meet everyone's expectation. *biting nails*
As usual, comments made me happy. :D
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 for now. Hard R eventually.
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother was remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
Finally, an update!
Pheww... *wipes sweats*
What took me so long, you say?
Well, this chapter has more than 7000 words. I hope it explains the long update a bit. :D
And my awesome beta, inkbymidnight is currently feeling miserable because her laptop's power chord broke down. And unfortunately it also means my almost finished beta-ed chapter 14 in her laptop's hard drive is becoming unavailable for her to access until it gets fixed. (God, I feel sorry for making so much trouble for her.)
Since she knows I've promised all of you that Chapter 14 will be posted today, she gave me suggestion to post this chapter unbeta-ed first, then to edit it with the beta-ed chapter she'll send me as soon as her laptop is up and running again.
So that's what I'm doing. Here it is: chapter 14, unbeta-ed with all it's lame glory. :DD
Just so you know, I haven't posted this update in any community like I used to because I know my unbeta-ed story version will make a lot of people cringes. But I've promised to some of you to update and besides, all of you who has been staying with me since day one I started the fic: you know that my english is lame like that, don't you? xDDD
Anyway, since you'll see lots of English fails in this. Please don't read if you don't want to, just wait till I get my edited version from Lubna, kay??
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...
I hope you'll like this one too! Comments are loved! XD
“Jeff asked me this afternoon if I wanted to work with him in his firm.” Jensen says, trying to sound casual despite the nervousness he felt as he plays with the food on his plate. Jensen is pretty sure Jared won’t like the idea of him staying away from home, away from his grip and control, even if for only a few hours a day.
Jared looks up from his plate and gives Jensen a sharp glare. “Then tell him no. And don’t forget to say thank you. I don’t want people start to think that all Padaleckis are ungrateful human beings now that you’re amongst us.” He says, sarcasm thick in his voice, before returning his attention back to his plate.
Jensen swallows down the food in his mouth difficultly at hearing that. The familiar ache is back and he's lost his appetite again.
“I’m bored.” Jensen says, teeth gritted, and reaches for his glass of water with a slightly trembling hand. “I have nothing to do here except taking care of the garden until there’s not an inch of the ground left that I can plant something on and you won’t let me touch almost anything else in this house.”
Jared huffs a small laugh. “That's funny.” He sneers. “I thought you were enjoying this whole Pauper-turns-into-Prince-Overnight game. I was wondering why you haven’t started to roam the town in one of our Bentleys and maxing out the credit card in every possible way yet.”
Jensen doesn’t respond. It’s just another one of Jared’s daily verbal attacks and despite the heat pooling in the corner of his eyes every time Jared’s degrading words hit him, Jensen kind of thinks that he’s almost used to it by now.
A few minutes pass in silence, but Jensen isn’t ready yet to give up. Not yet. He really needs something new to expect everyday aside from Jared and his fury. “I have a right to do what I want, Jared. You can’t lock me inside this house for a whole 6 months.”
His words are influenced by hurt and they're not a wise thing to say in this situation, but Jensen just couldn’t help it.
The minute Jared’s glare is back on him with full force, Jensen regrets saying that.
“You’re right. Who am I to do that? Besides, haven’t you always done what you want? You left us as you pleased anyway.” With a horrifying calmness, Jared pushes away his half-finished plate and wipes his mouth before his eyes, as dark as the night sky, are back on Jensen. “I can’t force you to reject Jeff’s offer, but then again, I also have every right to stop Jeff’s contract as Padalecki’s family lawyer and strip him from his current associate position in the Padalecki Law Firm if he insists on hiring you. And I can assure you, that won’t be good for him. Most of his clients are coming from my line of friends anyway.”
Jensen gapes. No way will Jared do that. “You wouldn’t.” He whispers without even realizing it. “He’s your best friend, Jared.”
Jared lifts one of his eyebrows, throwing a challenge to Jensen. “Just like you said, everyone can do what they want as long as they have the right to do it and doesn’t matter if it means hurting someone in the process.” Jared shrugs. “I’m just living by your examples.”
Jensen says nothing more for the rest of the dinner; just sits there with his shoulders hunched in yet another defeat.
---00o00---
Jared sighs as he leans on his seat in his study that night. The memory of Jensen’s pale face right after he gave him the ultimatum is still fresh in his mind.
It’s an empty threat, of course. Jeff is still his best friend until now and he was just bluffing to shut Jensen up.
But now that he thinks about it, he won’t be surprised to find himself firing Jeff if Jensen still accepts Jeff’s offer to work under him.
Jensen has been here for almost two weeks and Jared could see how close Jeff and Jensen had become. Hell, Jared could always hear the sounds of their laughing coming from garden from his open window. And later, Jared would see Jensen’s face lit up again with smiles at dinner time.
It irks the hell out of him. Thus he ends up saying worse and worse things to Jensen just to see the smiles gone from Jensen’s beautiful face by the time he leaves the dinner table.
Jared keeps telling himself that he does it because it’s right there on his invincible scheme plan of revenge. That he wants Jensen to suffer and all that stuff.
But deep down he knows that the reason that fueled his ridiculously cruel ultimatum was nothing more than his repressed jealousy, realizing he’s not the man who can make Jensen laugh or smile like that. He can’t do what Jeff does because every time Jensen’s near him the pain of his past comes back and it overpowers his love for Jensen so deeply that he is left tired and helpless to fight against it.
And to tell the truth, it fucks him up inside and he wonders if it’s possible for him to go crazy one day because of this.
---00o00---
Jared leaves home to go to work early in the morning and Jensen, for once after many days, has breakfast alone. Jensen can’t help but feel relieved.
Jeff stops by again right before lunch time, and Jensen tells him that listen, Jeff, I’m sorry but no, I don’t think I can accept your kind offer to work in your firm. But really, thank you so much.
Jensen even manages to maintain half a smile on his lips as he says those words exactly like how Jared told him to. Jared would be proud, Jensen thinks bitterly.
Jeff doesn’t like it, apparently. Not one bit, judging from his deep frown and darkened eyes.
“It’s Jared, isn’t it?” Jeff hisses. “That stubborn bastard. Let’s see what he says when I come to his office later to kick his ass.”
Jeff looks like he really means it, and Jensen panics. He knows how close Jared is with Jeff and after everything Jared has accused him of; Jensen doesn’t want being the one who messes up their friendship to be added to the list so he tries to calm the man. “Jeff, look. It’s not because of Jared. I just need more time to adjust to living in this house. After all, I’ll be here for a very long time, won’t I?” Jensen hoped Jeff would find his smile reassuring. “Besides, now that I’ve looked around more, there are tons of things I can still do in the house.”
Jeff looks at him with narrowed eyes, obviously not buying anything Jensen said. The older man folds his arms over his chest and gives Jensen a speculative stare. “Yeah? What things?”
Jensen’s brain works fast. “My mother’s stuff!” He finally says, almost shouting from nervousness. “Yeah, it’s… Jared told me that my mom’s stuff is still lying around up in the attic. Thomas kept them there -lots of stuff-- and I figure it’ll take weeks to clean and organize them a bit. And maybe keep some of it for myself, you know, as memories.” Jensen gives Jeff a half grin, feeling somewhat bad for lying to him.
But it’s for the greater good. Or so some people said because the fact remained that Jensen still feels his stomach clench at the thought that he lied to someone. Someone nice.
“Jared told you about where they were kept?” Jared asks, unbelieving that Jared was that cooperative towards Jensen.
“Sure!” Jensen exclaims. “Jared isn’t that bad, you know. I find him… nice some times.” Jensen cringes a little because after spending years trying to be as honest as he could be, these lies really take the cake.
The truth is, Jensen had to spend three days arguing with Jared until finally he succeeded in making Jared tell him, grudgingly, where his mom’s stuff was kept. And even after he found them, it only took a half day to clean and organize them because there weren’t much left. Most of them were old clothes, and all Jensen was able to dig out to keep for himself were two of his mom’s photos, a music box his mom used to play for him before putting him to bed, and his mom’s favorite romance book.
Jeff looks at him for a long time and Jensen gives him a wider smile, hoping it’ll finally convince him.
“Well…” Jeff drawls. “Yeah, okay. If that’s what you want then I guess there’s nothing else I can do. I can imagine how valuable that stuff must be to you.”
Jensen takes a deep breath when finally Jeff is all smiles again.
“But, Jen, maybe you can think about it once again after you’re done with your mom’s stuff? You will need some quality time for yourself once in a while, away from Jared, to keep you sane.” Jeff adds seriously.
And Jensen can only nod, muttering Sure, I will.
If only Jeff knew how much Jensen wished he could do that, knowing how true Jeff’s words are.
---00o00---
Jeff stays longer for lunch on Jensen's insistence.
And as he’s sitting there in the dining room with Jensen across from him, there have been hundreds of moments when Jeff honestly thinks he should have just opened his mouth and told Jensen that he knows.
But this thing, this dark secret finally revealed to him, is just too fucked up and too damned epic to be kept hidden. And Jeff believes he needs to tread carefully if he wants to set things right between Jared and Jensen.
Jeff swears that fate must have been messing with him because right in this very tense time, a client who lived halfway across the country died last night, and Jeff has to leave tonight by plane to take care of his will. And considering how tricky the old man made the details of his inheritance, Jeff will have to stay there for at least five days.
That's just fucking peachy.
Jeff can’t just drop the bomb on Jensen or Jared all of a sudden and then disappear for days.
Knowing Jensen, he’ll feel deeply ashamed because Jeff found out about his dark past with Thomas. And there’s also a high possibility that he’ll just bail again, no matter how much Jeff tells him that It’s okay and I understand and It’s not your fault, Jen, so let me help you figure this out.
Jensen probably will leave this house once again to go God knows where and Jeff won’t be there to stop him.
As in Jared’s case, Jeff knows how much Jared loves his father. For Jared, Thomas is his hero. And suddenly having that image of his father crushed won’t be easy for Jared to handle.
Jeff can predict the series of denials coming from his stubborn best friend upon finding out that his beloved father was nothing more than a perverted-evil-pedophile-manipulative-bastard. And then there’ll be rows of empty liquor bottles because it’s just what Jared did.
Not to mention the possibility of fits of rage Jared will throw at himself, at Jeff, at the world in general, or worse: at Jensen in particular.
Jeff fears for the last the most and if he left New York after telling everything to Jared, Jensen won’t have anybody to stand up for him and to protect him from Jared’s fury.
Revealing the secret to both of them at once is also a bad, BAD idea. Jeff just has to combine Jensen’s and Jared’s reaction above in one frame, then pack his bag to leave them for a couple of days, and voila, there’ll be hell.
The point is, Jeff has decided to help both of them straighten things out and he intends to commit to it fully by being their mediator and, if necessary, knocking some senses into their head in the process. That’s why Jeff knows he will have to wait until he gets back to open the Pandora's Box.
Jeff smiles at a joke Jensen tells and seeing Jensen laugh, Jeff finally decides on that course of action.
“Hey, Jen.”
Jensen looks up from his plate, still smiling. “Yeah?”
“Look, I think I won’t be able to visit you until next week. I have a job out of town and I’ve booked a plane ticket for tonight.” Jeff says, apologizing with his smile.
Jensen’s smile disappears and he looks so much like a lost kid that Jeff has to grit his teeth to stop himself from standing up and giving Jensen a big hug.
“Is that so?” Jensen says, forcing a laugh, before scratching his head. “Well, it can’t be helped then, I guess. I’ll try to stay alive and busy until you come back.” Jensen grins with a cringe in his eyes and Jeff feels a pang of sadness, knowing that his daily visits might be Jensen’s only consolation after dealing with Jared.
“You know my cell number, Jen. If anything happens, just call me anytime.”
Jensen stares at him long before smiling, a full smile now. “Yeah, I know.”
After lunch, in near the front door, Jeff gives Jensen a hug. “I’ll check on you everyday so make sure you’re home at night, okay? Take care.” He mutters after letting go and Jensen just laughs at his display of overprotective tendencies, but still Jeff can’t shake a bad feeling in his chest as he sees Jensen’s waving figure get smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror.
---00o00---
Jensen is bored and agitated as hell. It’s been two days since Jeff’s last visit and his mood has hit a new low.
Jared, thank God, has left for work again today after spending the whole day yesterday making Jensen miserable.
Jensen wonders that if things will be like this everyday, how the hell he is going to start his plan to win Jared’s heart. It’s just beyond his imagination and Jensen can’t help but begins to feel restless because nothing goes the way he wants it ever since he decided to stay. Even a simple ‘Good morning’ to Jared coming from his mouth can turn into a painful conversation for his side.
Problems with Jared puts aside, the flowers in the garden are fully bloomed already and everything Jensen can think of doing in this big house has already done by him and now he’s itching to do something, anything.
Jensen’s last call to Mike was yesterday, and Mike told him that Tom’s condition was still stable. Tom had some palpitations two days ago, but the doctor had managed to take care of it and Mike said that there was nothing Jensen needed to worry about. Jensen really wants to come and visit Tom once again, but traveling fare from New York to the town where Tom is hospitalized is not cheap. Jensen still has some money left from what he had brought with him to this house, but Jensen wants to save it in case something urgent happened. The thought of taking even a penny more from Thomas’ inheritance doesn’t appeal Jensen in any way.
But now he really needs something that can cheer him up. That’s why he figures today he can go to one of Padalecki’s company building. Just looking around, checking things out, diverting his mind from the messed up situation waiting for him after Jared comes back from the office.
He’ll appear anonymously, of course. He doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention and ended up making more fights with Jared. Perhaps he can decoy the building’s guards and go up to the top of the building and just sits there, watching New York’s view in all its glory, until it’s time to go home.
Suddenly finds a bit spirit, Jensen changes his clothes with something semi-formal: a blue long sleeved shirt and a black formal pants Tom gave him a year ago as birthday present. At least this clothes won’t make him seems out of place there.
Jensen overheard Jared talking in his cell this morning that he’ll be in the main office of Padalecki Estate the whole day today, so Jensen decides to visit one of the other Padalecki companies. His choice falls to Padalecki Advertising.
It’s risky, he’s aware of it.
Padalecki Advertising is now legally owned by Jensen’s step aunt, Sarah. And after what happened in the day the will was read, Jensen is more than realizing that his step aunt’s family keeps a lot of hatred for him. It won’t be odd if he crosses path with one of them in his visit to the company, and if it does happen, Jensen has no clue what he’ll do or say.
But among his not so much interests, Jensen has been attracted to the world of advertising, graphics, and that kind of stuff for so long and he used to visit the company when he was teenager, just to walk along the exhibition hall and admire frame after frame of already published and successful advertisement hung all over the wall.
He also remembered that he was always very eager every time Jared asked him to come along together when Thomas had schedule of ads-presentation in the office. Jensen will sit quietly on his seat next to Jared and Thomas, silently observing and making mental notes using his own childish judgment towards the quality of the ads being presented by the creative staffs.
And now that he thinks about it, he remembers he also can see a full view of Liberty Statue clearly from the top of Padalecki Advertising building.
Risks put aside, his plan is just perfect.
---00o00---
The building complex of Padalecki Advertising is still the same as in Jensen’s memory. The only differences are that Jensen can see the security tools installed in the building is getting more hi-tech and some of the office’s furniture has been changed into minimalist-modern style.
Jensen walks straight into the elevator, passing two guards while trying to look like he’s actually having some businesses here other than sightseeing. Jensen pushes the 2nd floor elevator button where he hopes the exhibition hall is still located.
Apparently, it still is. And for the next one hour, Jensen is a teenager once again, exploring frame after frame --lots of them are new ones-- and he’s drowning in his own world as he’s admiring and analyzing each advertisement with now a more mature view. People passing by are ignoring him, perhaps assuming that he’s one of the company’s future clients.
By the time he reaches the end of the hall and finishes gaping on the last display of advertisement for a brand of coke, Jensen feels better already. But now he really wants to pee. He forgets how cold the air conditioner is in the office.
There’s a men’s room down the hall, he knows. But its strategic location makes it a quite popular men’s room. Most of company employees use that place, and Jensen doesn’t want to risk coming across with somebody he knows.
So Jensen walks further, nearing the door connecting to emergency exit. If his memory serves him right, there’s a quite secluded toilet. People rarely use it because as far as Jensen can remember, often there was a problem with the plumbing system.
And he’s right. The toilet is still there. And it looks quite deserted. The buzzing and bustling sound of the company’s activities apparently doesn’t reach this place and it’s very quiet.
Jensen enters the door with ‘Men’ written on it and finishes what he’s coming for in one of the stalls. After washing his hands, Jensen walks towards the door, opens the men’s room door and exits with only a little sound, intending to start finding a way to go to the top of building without attracting too much attention.
That’s when he hears some noises coming from inside of the women’s room.
There’s a woman talking, and a man too from what it sounds. But what bothers him is the woman’s voice sounds full of fear.
With heart beating fast, Jensen carefully putting one of his ears on the next room’s wooden door, trying to overhear some more before doing something radical like kicking the door down.
It’s okay, Jensen can hear the man speaks in a low and persuading tone. Don’t you want that creative director position?
The woman mumbles something too low for Jensen to catch up. But her tone still alerts Jensen.
Look, all you have to do is let me have you once, or maybe twice if you are good, the man is speaking again and he sounds less impatient now.
Hearing that, Jensen is now getting clearer assumption on what kind of situation is inside of the room. Jensen is about to knock, asking the woman if there’s something wrong so the man inside will know that there’s someone out here, but then what Jensen hears next coming from the man’s mouth surprises him.
You know my mom owns this company, don’t you? I can easily ask her to promote you. But if you won’t do as I say, who knows how much longer you can stay in your recent job here, the man -to Jensen’s disgust-- says it sleazily with obvious threat in his voice.
And that’s when Jensen gets it.
No wonder the man’s voice sounds a little familiar in Jensen’s ear. It’s almost positive now to Jensen that the man’s voice owner is his cousin, Freddy Robinson, Jr. And he’s in the middle of harassing a female employee sexually!
No, don’t, please, Jensen can hear the woman sobs. Gritting his teeth, Jensen throws his previous idea of knocking-first-ask-questions-later out of the window and just turns the door knob --which apparently isn’t even locked-- hard.
What a clumsy asshole, Jensen thinks angrily as the door opens with a bang sound and reveals Freddy standing close to a beautiful woman; his hand is around her waist, while her face is full of tears.
“What the…?!” Freddy squeals in surprise and quickly lets his hold on the woman go. His eyes turn wider as he recognizes Jensen. “You! What the fuck are you doing here?”
Jensen gives the frightened woman a little calming smile before glaring at Freddy. “I should’ve been the one asking you that. It’s a women’s toilet, yet here you are manipulating a lady to fulfill your perverted wish.”
The woman looks at Jensen, and then back to Freddy, now in confusion though there’s relief expressed on her face. But she doesn’t waste this perfect chance to escape.
“Excuse me.” She says and fleeing passes Jensen towards the exit and disappears. The sound of her heels on the floor echoes until it’s no longer heard.
It’s just Jensen and Freddy left.
“I heard everything, Freddy.” Jensen says in a calmer tone, but still glaring. “Don’t you feel ashamed using your mother’s name to do something this filthy?”
Freddy’s face is red, angry and embarrassed to be caught by Jensen of all people. He walks approaching Jensen who doesn’t budge from where he’s standing.
“It’s none of your business, Ackles. So shut it.” Freddy tells Jensen and pokes him once with his finger. “Even since you were a little brat, you’re always an annoying busy body. I wonder what my mom will say if she knows you’re here roaming her company. For a traitor like you, you must be up to no good.” He sneers and then leaves Jensen with hasty steps.
A few seconds pass before Jensen leans his back on the nearest wall and takes a deep breath. His heart is still thumping madly due to the adrenaline.
Freddy’s last words make him cringe. Thanks to this fucked up coincidence, there’s no doubt he’ll get into another trouble with Padaleckis after this. Although Jensen doesn’t regret what he was just done.
I guess trying to see Liberty Statue from the top is no longer an option, Jensen mourns.
It’s time for him to go home.
---00o00---
By the time the taxi he rides on reaches the driveway in front of Padalecki’s residence’s front door, it’s almost dawn. While waiting for George to open the door, Jensen can tell from the black Hummer parked in the garage that Jared is home already.
George greets him as he enters the house and Jensen smiles weakly, walking tiredly to his room. What happens today has drained out his energy, and he’ll need a long soak in the bath to restore it if he wants to face Jared properly at dinner later.
When he’s in the bathroom, Jensen can hear phones ringing all around the house, including the one in his room. But it stops a few seconds later, perhaps George or Jared has picked it up. Jensen waits up motionless for a few second, trying to listen the sound of the intercom back in his room, because maybe it’s from Mike.
But nobody’s calling him over the intercom, so Jensen resumes his bath.
Soaked under the warm water, Jensen’s mind is wandering.
He really wants to forget about what happened today. Seeing the hostility shown by the rest of Padalecki family members at the will reading, or like what he had been through this afternoon with Freddy, Jensen can’t help but feel disheartened once again. He wonders if the image the other Padaleckis have about him is really that bad.
Even if he succeeds in winning Jared’s heart, will the rest of the family be willing to accept him as a part of Padalecki once again?
What if they won’t?
Once again Jensen questions his decision to stay. Could it be that everything he’s fighting for right now will, after all, be proven worthless? Will it be better if he just leaves this house and Jared, bearing all the loneliness and trying in vain to forget about his love?
Suddenly those thoughts making him feel trapped between his unforgettable and painful past and his future that that without doubt will always be haunted by the shadow of his past. It makes him feel restless and he decides to shorten his bath time.
After, Jensen puts on a black t-shirt and pair of grey pants, and getting ready to come down. But then the intercom on the wall next to the door beeps once.
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice is heard.
Jensen’s heart thumped at the grim sound of Jared’s calling his name. He approaches the intercom and pushes the button. “Yes?”
“I want to talk to you in my study, now.” Jared’s tone is cold and harsh and there’s a hint of anger in his words.
“Alright.” Jensen says with a frown. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
He can feel his restlessness doubled as he exits his room and hurriedly walks down the stair towards Jared’s study.
Something’s not right and Jensen can pretty much guess what makes Jared suddenly want to have a private conversation with him.
Jensen’s earlier self-question about how bad his image in the eyes of other Padaleckis is answered by the time he enters Jared’s study.
“I’ve heard that you went to Padalecki Advertising today?” Jared asks from behind his desk, frowning at Jensen.
Jensen feels a little scared at Jared’s harsh tone, but to tell the truth, he didn’t do something wrong, right? There’s nothing he should have worried about, so he tries to be calm as he answers Jared’s question. “Yes, I did. Something’s wrong?”
Jared’s eyes darkened at his answer. “Aunt Sarah called just now. She said she doesn’t want to see you around her company ever again. And she complained to me about your awful treatment towards Freddy. She specifically told me that she won’t tolerate if you offend Freddy or any of her family once more.” Jared’s expression shows his disapproval.
Jensen gapes at that totally-off-the-reality-statement. “I think Aunt Sarah misses the bigger picture here, Jared. I caught Freddy red-handed when he was trying to manipulate a poor woman employee and he was obviously harassing her sexually. Do you honestly think I should have just stood there and watched the woman gets violated?”
“Aunt Sarah doesn’t want you to be near her family or her company ever again.” Jared repeats, clearly ignoring Jensen’s explanation.
Jared’s reaction makes Jensen suddenly feel depressed and helpless. Trying to hold back tears, he says, “If that woman decides to sue Freddy for sexual harassment charges, Aunt Sarah might have to worry about something’s worse than me.”
But Jared still glares at him. “Right now, Freddy is also working as Marketing Manager in Padalecki Estate and he’s one of the best employees. He has great talent in marketing and he’s worth a thousand times more than you are. So don’t you dare causing him any more trouble.”
Jensen can feel the stabbing ache in his heart at hearing Jared’s words. “It seems for you everything is worth more than I am.” Jensen says hoarsely, defiance clear in his voice as he can no longer control his anger due to the pain he feels. “When these 6 months over, Freddy’s position in Padalecki Estate might have to be replaced.”
“Freddy needs the job.” Jared says grimly.
Jensen nods in approval, tears glistening in his eyes. “Then he might have to remember that.”
Jensen’s hidden threat makes Jared’s jaw tightened, and he looks even angrier than before. “If you fire each and every Padalecki’s employee who won’t lick your ass, we will never have enough workers.”
“They don’t need to lick my ass.” Jensen says with gritted teeth. “All they need to do is just accepting me and showing a proper respect.”
“They’ll respect you if you deserve it.” Jared responds, his words inclining that there isn’t even a single Padalecki family that respects Jensen in reality.
Jensen lifts his chin up, trying to appear uninfluenced by Jared’s horrible comment. “They’ll follow an example from you.”
Silence follows Jensen’s statement for a long time, but Jared’s hardened expression isn’t changed.
“Then just give up.” Jared says finally.
Little victory Jensen feels earlier disappears at that. He swallows emotion so thick he believes he’ll choke on it.
“Why do you keep so much hatred for me, Jared?” Jensen says, sad and desperate.
Jared’s burning stares at him dims a little. “You damn well know why.”
“Then what if… “ A sob escapes from Jensen’s lips. “What if one day you find out that I deserve none of these?”
Jensen doesn’t know what makes him say that. It’s just too fucking close to ruin every effort he has made on keeping the secret safe from Jared. But Jensen is so tired, and he just doesn’t understand how else he should stop all of these pain and sadness filling his heart.
Fury in Jared’s eyes is clear for Jensen to see a moment before he turns his gaze away from him. With a rough movement, Jared collects his paperwork scattered on his desk and arranges it in a messed up order.
“Get out.” Jared growls, eyes still refuse to look at Jensen.
Jensen really wants to cry now, because he can see that the wall of hatred between them is only getting higher than before. He helplessly realizes that perhaps even if he tells Jared the truth --about everything-- it will only be potential to make Jared hates him even more.
Turning around, Jensen walks out the room slowly.
---00o00---
Jensen doesn’t come down for dinner. He has no strength left to do so. He even ignores George’s knocking his room’s door and his announcing that dinner’s ready and that Jared is waiting for him in the dining room.
The tension for these last 24 hours have sucked his energy dry. And at this kind of moment, Jensen really wishes he was someone else who has another person he can lean to and love, and be loved back in return.
Jensen has always desired a feeling of comfort, wrapped in a sense of security. But his need to get close to someone in a romantic relationship has always collided with his eternal one sided-love for Jared. And that paradox has been making his life miserable.
He had surrendered to his desire a few times and went for a date with some men he met and knew along those times after he escaped home, hoping to find someone who could replace Jared’s position in his heart. But when a kiss or hug held other meanings than friendly touch, he always resisted and backed away.
His experience with Thomas --no matter how many times the man had made him come-- Jensen was never able to enjoy them. There were just too many fears and disgusts and tears for him to actually get into it. While with other men, Jensen had never been touched by the true lust. And he knows exactly why a lustful kiss and wild embrace from those men can’t turn him on.
It’s simply because they’re not Jared.
That thought depresses Jensen even more and he moves to change his clothes with a black undershirt and a short. He then walks over to his bed, flipping his bed cover and getting ready to sleep.
But then a knock is heard once again on his door, and Jensen knows at once that this time it must be Jared standing in front of his door. Only his knock can be heard so demanding.
Sighing, he walks towards the closed door and asks Jared from behind it. “What do you want?”
“Kate has warmed your dinner.”
It surprises Jensen. Jared’s low tone sounds harsh, but there’s a hint of softness in it. Suddenly pissed off at himself for imagining things that’s definitely not there, Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and lifts his slightly trembling hand, putting his palm on the wall beside the wooden door and then resting his forehead on it, trying not to be influenced by Jared’s subtly kind words.
“I’m going to bed already. I’ll thank her in the morning.”
There is a silence for a moment before Jared’s voice is heard again. “Open the door.”
That order said in low tone makes Jensen’s emotion rises up again. The hurt is still there and it makes Jensen suddenly swing the door open. “What is it? Haven’t you satisfied in showing your hatred to me today?” Jensen hisses, but then he sees the food tray Jared’s holding on one of his hands.
Jensen’s eyes widen at that because the food on the tray is supposed to be his dinner and he shifts his gaze to stare questioningly at Jared’s serious expression.
Jared curses the guilty feeling inside him that makes him bring Jensen’s dinner to his room. If he knew before hand that he’ll see Jensen in his thin t-shirt and short, showing too much smooth skin for Jared’s comfort, Jared would have chosen to bear his guilt or just bother Kate to bring the tray instead.
And if he knew that he’ll see surprised stare and a sparkle of hope in Jensen’s green eyes, he would have definitely ignored the fucking guilt.
Doesn’t want to stay too long upon this tempting view in front of him, Jared enters the room in strides. Putting the food tray on a small corner table in Jensen’s room, Jared turns around. “Kate’s feeling could get hurt.” He says, hoping it’ll suffice to kill the earlier impression Jensen might have on his act that seems to bring up his hope.
Jensen turns his gaze to the tray at that and Jared can feel that Jensen’s expectation is gone. Nevertheless, as Jensen’s attention focused on the tray, Jared can’t help but gazing at him.
When his eyes catch the view of Jensen’s muscled thighs and upwards, Jared can feel his body reacts by itself and suddenly there’s so much heat pooling down in his stomach. It makes Jared feels so angry to himself. It seems that his hatred towards Jensen still can not restrain his desire for the man. In fact, the lust he feels is weakening his resolution and Jared is suddenly filled with immense self-disgust.
Jensen averts his gaze from the food tray to Jared’s hardened face. Jensen figures from Jared’s look that Jared must have regretted his kindness in this small matter and his own body becomes tense, unconsciously feels the need for self-defense. But still he thanks Jared with a soft voice.
It’s as if time stops as their eyes met. None of them moves and Jensen can feel strange sensation roaming his whole body as he watches Jared’s gazing at him from head to toe. It’s hard for Jensen to breathe and his heart’s thumping wildly, because if he doesn’t know better, he swears he can see so much lust and emotions swirling in Jared’s eyes.
But it can’t possibly be and Jensen keeps chanting those words inside his head and his eyes widen as Jared finally takes a few steps towards his direction.
Jared is almost only an inch away from him when suddenly Jensen feels panicky at this unknown-nameless-unimaginable atmosphere created between them, and half unconsciously Jensen moves away from the door quickly, away from Jared.
Jared looks like he just got punched on the face at seeing Jensen’s reaction. Jensen watches him stop and blinking his eyes with tensed jaw, before turning his gaze away from Jensen and resuming his steps out of the door.
As soon as Jared leaves, Jensen shuts the door closed. Desire still has its full power over him and it’s making him trembled in the silence of the room as he listens to Jared’s footsteps in the distance.
---00o00---
Jeff calls early in the morning the next day when Jensen is still on his bed, blinking at the strays of sunlight coming from the windows.
And after talking, within five seconds Jeff can tell that something’s wrong.
“What did Jared do this time?”
Jensen takes a deep breath. He doesn’t like talking about this kind of thing with Jeff, because Jeff will only see from one point of view: Jensen’s. And he’ll blame or get mad at Jared, without knowing that actually Jared is also a victim in this case.
But he really needs someone to talk to right now, and Jeff is the only one around.
“I know that Freddy is a fucking bad news since the first time Jared introduced him to me. With his empty brain, he’s just too full of shit.” Jeff says in annoyed tone after Jensen finished telling him almost everything happened related to his incident with Freddy yesterday. What happened last night in his room with Jared, Jensen keeps it to himself because even now he still can’t figure out what exactly was going on between him and Jared that time.
“Yeah, well. He has been a bit of a dick since he’s a little, but I never knew he’ll come to hate me so much.” Jensen says in tired voice.
Both of them say nothing for a long time, until Jeff’s words break the silence. “Jensen, do you love Jared?”
Jensen’s eyes widen at that. Carefully keeping his voice calm, he laughs a bit. “What are you talking about? Of course I do, Jeff. He’s my brother.”
“No, I don’t mean loving him as a brother, but as a man.” Jeff sounds a bit impatient. “Do you?”
Jensen is too shocked to say anything.
“Look, Jen.” Jeff sighs at Jensen’s speechlessness. “I know you do. And don’t ask me how, I just know.”
Still Jensen says nothing. He doesn’t trust his voice if he opens his mouth now.
Jeff’s voice turns soft, persuading. “Come on, Jen. Just come clean with me. Let it out, and maybe you’ll feel better.”
And Jensen doesn’t know why, but hearing Jeff’s words tears he has been holding suddenly spill out uncontrollably. His body shakes and it’s torn between fear and relief of knowing that finally, finally, another person understands him, understands how hard it is to face the hatred from someone you love so much.
And it’s not just any other person. It’s Jeff, Jared’s best friend.
“Yes, I do.” Jensen’s confession comes out in a whisper.
Jeff keeps silent, allowing Jensen all the time he needs to cry until he’s satisfied and all that’s left are just sobs.
“What should I do, Jeff? It hurts so much.” Jensen sounds so lost that Jeff can feel his heart constricted.
“You know,” Jeff says softly. “I think Jared loves you too in the same way.”
“What? What do you mean?” Surprise and curiosity are evident in Jensen’s hoarse voice.
So then Jeff tells Jensen about his theory. Facts in Jared’s life that make Jeff believe Jared’s feeling for Jensen is deeper than how it seems in the surface. How Jeff sometimes caught Jared staring at Jensen with wanting eyes when he thought nobody’s looking, and how his impenetrable anger at the moment is probably because it also hurts him a lot to think that Jensen, the person he loves, had left him with too many grief to bear and too few words.
“I won’t ask you again why you left him in the first place. I know you won’t tell me that.” Jeff says in the end. “But, Jen, won’t you please just try to bear with all of this a little while longer? The anger blinding Jared’s objective perceptions will be gone and Jared’s scar will heal one day. And no matter how much it hurts now, you know you want to be by his side when that happens, don’t you?”
Jensen doesn’t answer and Jeff knows Jensen will need some time alone to think about what he just said.
“Jen, I think I’ll hang up and let you think about it, okay? I’ll call you again the day after tomorrow since I’ll be very busy from today onwards and I might not be able to call you like usual. I think I’ll make my next calls on my plane home.” Jeff says, and grins when he only hears Jensen mumbles something as the response, apparently still drifted too deep into his own thoughts by Jeff’s earlier explanation.
Hanging up the phone, Jeff sighs. He really wishes nothing worse will be happened before his returning to New York to help both his best friends settle this problem between them once and for all.
---00o00---
Jeff’s words totally throw Jensen in a loop.
He finds it so hard to believe that Jared is also actually in love with him just as much. And not to mention Jeff’s said proves can’t be categorized as hard evidence.
But it’s Jeff, who has been standing besides Jared for years, even when Jensen wasn’t around. It should be enough time for someone to understand Jared thoroughly.
And there’s also the look Jared had on his face that night when he brings Jensen’s dinner to his room. No matter how much Jensen refuses to think about it for he doesn’t want to encourage false hope that might hurt him further, still Jensen knows that there was something more than lust in Jared’s eyes when his gaze met Jensen’s that night.
And now Jensen can’t help but feels that a bud of hope has grown inside his heart.
Could it be true that Jared holds the same desire as Jensen does deep within his heart? Does he dare to believe that?
Apparently, he has to.
Because now that there might be a chance that his love for Jared isn’t one sided, somehow Jensen believes that there is no more perfect timing other than this moment to tell Jared about everything,
Jensen seriously thinks that he can no longer bear Jared’s hatred even for a little bit longer. His poor heart seems like it has reached its limit.
If Jensen doesn’t do something about it, he fears that the pressure of this situation will do something bad to him in the end.
Sure it won’t force him into a decision to leave this house because there’s no way he’ll abandon Tom and Mike now when they needed him the most.
But if he lets things just go like the way it is now, what Jensen fears the most is that even before the 6th month is over, he’ll be too broken to be fixed.
Jensen realizes that if he wants to stop the flow of Jared’s wrath on him, he’ll have to tell the truth, about his feelings and about Thomas. Jensen knows now that what Thomas had done to him in the past will always haunted his relationship with Jared if he insists to keep silent about it.
It won’t be easy for both of them, especially for Jared. And it pains Jensen to think how Jared will suffer after he learns about that dark secret. But Jensen will be there for him.
And if Jared’s heart is really for Jensen like what Jeff had said, someday they should be able to overcome the past and all the heartaches that follow it. And then, maybe one day, Jensen will wake up in the morning to Jared’s sleeping face and he’ll smile because at last his happiness is lying there beside him.
Finally reaching his decision, Jensen stares outside the window and he can see that this morning’s weather is amazing with the bright sun shining and blue clouds hovering up the earth in the sky.
It’s a perfect day for revelation.
He’ll come clean to Jared about everything. That being said, Jensen realizes that today could really be the day that marks the beginning of a new chapter in his and Jared’s life.
And Jensen hopes, for once there won’t be any darkness marring this chapter.
TBC
PS: Okay, next chapter will be one of the most trickiest part to write, guys. God, I'm so nervous. I hope I have enough muses to meet everyone's expectation. *biting nails*
As usual, comments made me happy. :D