Dr Who FF: Alone Now (Rose, PG-13, PotW ficlet)
Title: Alone now
Rating: T
Pairings: Nine/Rose in absence
Summary: She wanted to tell him that she knew how it felt now
There had been a time, which seemed a long time ago now but really wasn’t, when she had thought she would never understand how alone he felt. If she could talk to him she would tell him that she got it now.
For a moment, variously five minutes and two hundred thousand years and five minutes, she had been connected to everything. All places, all times in her head. The TARDIS had allowed her to join the Doctor in a connection to the universe. She remembered almost nothing of what had actually happened during it, but its absence was like losing a sense. She was blind or deaf or both, and even knowing that it would kill her, she was tempted to look into the vortex again.
Jack would have laughed and got between her and the central column if she had told him that. But he was gone too. This Doctor swore that he had heard Jack die. He had reminded her that Jack had known what he was doing, had chose it. This didn’t fix anything, and Rose was baffled at him thinking it would. Jack was charming, and affectionate, and he had loved their Doctor as much as she had. He had bought her drinks at strange bars, and in the mornings had apologised profusely for her hangovers, and brought her tea and digestives until her head had stopped pounding. They had laughed together at the doctor, and ran shrieking through the TARDIS when he chased them. Losing Jack was like losing a limb.
Jack would have mourned with her. Because this new doctor was not theirs. He could claim all he liked to be the same, just wearing a different body, but she knew it wasn’t true. He knew it too, but said it for her sake. He would smile a wide, open smile and encourage her to smile too. Her Doctor would grin lopsidedly at her for brief seconds. The new one took her to Barcelona and somehow managed not to get them into trouble. Her Doctor would have found a lost cause or someone who wanted to kill them five minutes after leaving the TARDIS. This one vanished into the TARDIS wardrobe every time they visited somewhere different. Hers had worn the leather jacket no matter where they went. This one laughed like there was no reason not to. Hers always looked as if there was something sad and terrible he couldn’t stop thinking about, up until the moment he smiled and took her hand. Losing him was not losing a sense or a limb, it was losing everything.
Rose sat in her room, wrapped tightly in her Doctor’s jacket, trying to absorb the feel of him. She wished she could tell him just one more thing.
She knew what it meant to be alone now.
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Comments?
Rating: T
Pairings: Nine/Rose in absence
Summary: She wanted to tell him that she knew how it felt now
There had been a time, which seemed a long time ago now but really wasn’t, when she had thought she would never understand how alone he felt. If she could talk to him she would tell him that she got it now.
For a moment, variously five minutes and two hundred thousand years and five minutes, she had been connected to everything. All places, all times in her head. The TARDIS had allowed her to join the Doctor in a connection to the universe. She remembered almost nothing of what had actually happened during it, but its absence was like losing a sense. She was blind or deaf or both, and even knowing that it would kill her, she was tempted to look into the vortex again.
Jack would have laughed and got between her and the central column if she had told him that. But he was gone too. This Doctor swore that he had heard Jack die. He had reminded her that Jack had known what he was doing, had chose it. This didn’t fix anything, and Rose was baffled at him thinking it would. Jack was charming, and affectionate, and he had loved their Doctor as much as she had. He had bought her drinks at strange bars, and in the mornings had apologised profusely for her hangovers, and brought her tea and digestives until her head had stopped pounding. They had laughed together at the doctor, and ran shrieking through the TARDIS when he chased them. Losing Jack was like losing a limb.
Jack would have mourned with her. Because this new doctor was not theirs. He could claim all he liked to be the same, just wearing a different body, but she knew it wasn’t true. He knew it too, but said it for her sake. He would smile a wide, open smile and encourage her to smile too. Her Doctor would grin lopsidedly at her for brief seconds. The new one took her to Barcelona and somehow managed not to get them into trouble. Her Doctor would have found a lost cause or someone who wanted to kill them five minutes after leaving the TARDIS. This one vanished into the TARDIS wardrobe every time they visited somewhere different. Hers had worn the leather jacket no matter where they went. This one laughed like there was no reason not to. Hers always looked as if there was something sad and terrible he couldn’t stop thinking about, up until the moment he smiled and took her hand. Losing him was not losing a sense or a limb, it was losing everything.
Rose sat in her room, wrapped tightly in her Doctor’s jacket, trying to absorb the feel of him. She wished she could tell him just one more thing.
She knew what it meant to be alone now.
* * *
Comments?