BJFic: A Rubber Story - Repost of fic from qaf_anon challenge
banner by stephmck
Story Title: A Rubber Story
Timeline - Early Season Four - after Kinnetik has successfully launched and Ted hired
Rating: R - language, sexual situations
Warnings - is extreme silliness something to warn people about?
Genre - humor
Author Note: This was my entry for the qaf_anon anonymous Brian/Justin fanfic challenge. The challenge was to use the prompt: "Go ahead, push your luck, Find out how much love the world can hold". This was my entry.
I think that the community was f-locked, and it is now defunct.
akannis asked for condom mishap stories in getithere so I said it would post it here, since my archive is also f-locked.
“Goddamn it!” Brian swore as he disengaged from Justin trying to hold the now leaking condom on his cock.
Justin looked over his shoulder.
“Did it break?” he asked, a bit worried.
“No, at least I don’t think so, but it may as well have.” Brian did his best to remove the condom before it dripped all over the bed and his fucking new duvet. He tied it off and flung it with disgust into the trash. Brian got up off the bed and moved to the bathroom to wash the stickiness of the cum from his hands. He brought back a warm washcloth handing it Justin.
“Thanks.”
Brian sat on the edge of the bed, he picked up a condom from the bowl on the bedside table and twirled it between his fingers. He’d been using the same brand of condoms for the last ten years. “That’s the third time this week. We’re going to have to switch.”
Justin crawled up behind Brian and leaned his head on the older man’s shoulder.
“Switch?” he ask hopefully. He always enjoyed topping Brian, but it was rare that he actually go to do it.
“Yeah, switch condom brands.”
“Oh.” Justin’s face fell.
“When the package said 30 percent off, I thought that they were talking about the price, not the amount of latex that they used.” Brian remarked with a grimace.
Justin chuckled mirthlessly. “I’ll do some research. I’ll find something with greater capacity.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“What the fuck is this?” Brian leafed through the stack of printed pages on the desk next to his computer in the corner of the loft.
Justin looked over from the kitchen where he was preparing dinner. “I did some research on condoms. You know, those that had greater capacity, the ones that were stronger, more reliable. I figured you could look them over and we could get some samples... and we could try them out.” The last was said with a grin and a mischievous glint in his eye.
Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and look at Justin. “It’s hard work, but I guess someone has to do it. Who knows? It might open the door to an entirely new career.”
Justin grinned. “My kind of job!”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“I’ve narrowed it down to five.” Brian proclaimed definitively.
“Huh?” Justin looked over from the couch. He had been surfing the channels looking for something to watch. He aimed the remote at the TV to turn it off. “I don’t know why we bothered to get the cable back. Five hundred channels and nothing’s on.” Justin crossed to where Brian was seated at the computer. “What did you cum up with?” He quipped with a sly smile.
Justin looked down at the short list that Brian had put together. “Durex, Trojan, They Fit, Kimono, World. World? I’ve never heard of them.”
“You’re not alone. Consumer reports rated them number one. They’re thirty percent more effective than their closest competitor in testing, but no one’s ever heard of them.”
“I wonder why.”
“I’ll tell you why. It’s because of their lame ass slogan.”
“Oh? what’s that?”
"Go ahead, push your luck. Find out how much love the world can hold.”
Justin barked out a laugh. “You have got to be kidding. That is lame.”
“According to all the information I find on them, they are the best product out there, and yet they have less that five percent of the market.”
Justin looked at Brian. “Sounds like they could benefit from a decent ad campaign.”
“Precisely what I was thinking.” Brian smiled at his partner.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“What’s this?” Justin nearly tripped over the box, that partially blocked the doorway, when he entered the loft.
“Research.” Brian replied absently from his seat at the computer.
“Can I open it?”
“Go ahead.”
“It’s a bunch of condoms. My god Brian, there’s like a 5,000 condoms here.” Justin looked up. “I don’t think even you can go through this many before they expire.”
Brian laughed. “I wasn’t planning on it. I’m going to give them away as part of a consumer research survey. I’m planning on putting them out in the back room of Babylon.”
“What are you going to do, stand there with a clip board and ask the patrons to fill out a survey after they’re done?”
Brian smiled. “Close enough. I was thinking about getting Ted and Emmett to help out.”
“I’m sure that they’d just lo-oove that.” Justin rolled his eyes. “I don’t suppose I could interest you in some preliminary research?” Justin held up boxes of five different brands.
Brian walked toward Justin, shaking his head. “The suffering I do for my accounts.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“You want us to do what?” Ted looked at Brian like he had just grown a second head - above the waist.
“I want you to help me out with some market research.”
“That’s funny, I thought you said you wanted us to ask the occupants of the back room of Babylon how their fuck was.”
Brian shrugged. “Essentially, that is what I am asking you to do.”
Brian explained further. “I’m putting together a new advertising campaign for World condoms. I need some feedback from real users about how the condoms feel, if they are effective, if people like them - that sort of thing. I can’t be seen hanging out at the back room of Babylon asking those types of questions.”
“Oh noooo,” Ted snarked. “Not the great god Kinney.”
“Theodore, please. Think about it. I’ve fucked most of the people there. They’d be intimidated; they’d tell me what they think I want to hear. On the other hand, you and Emmett would be more neutral. No one’s afraid to tell you the truth. You’re just less threatening.”
“Oh gee, great, just what I long to hear,” Ted gave a disgusted hrumph.
Emmett on the other hand was getting into the spirit of things. “You know Teddy, it might be fun. I mean, getting paid to hang out in the back room at Babylon isn’t a fate worse than death.”
Ted rolled his eyes. “I am not getting paid enough for this.”
“Who knows, Theodore, you hang out in the back room long enough, you might get picked up.”
Ted glared at Brian, then sighed. Resigned that he would be working nights for the foreseeable future. Ted gave up - he knew when he was beat. “Just give me the damned clipboard.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Gentleman?” Brian looked across his desk as Ted and Emmett stepped into his office.
“We came to report in.” Emmet explained with a little salute.
“Yeah, we’ve finished our tour of duty in the back room of Babylon. I, for one, hope I never see the place again. It’s disgusting.” He looked at Brian. “How do you stand that place?”
“Why Theodore, one would think with your recent foray into the porn industry you wouldn’t be so uptight.”
“I wasn’t talking about what went on there, I was talking about the filth. They’d need a jackhammer to dislodge the cum buildup on the walls and floors.”
“Maybe we should test out that new cleaning supply account - we could add cum stains to the list of things it removes.” Brian smirked back.
“I must say, Brian,” Emmett joined in. “You do take your work seriously - always looking for that business angle!”
Brian forged ahead. “So what’s the verdict, boys?”
“Overwhelmingly the research participants chose World, hands down eight to one over the other brands total.” Ted reported. “The Durex condoms came in a far second, with MyFit, Trojan, and Kimono lagging behind. I know that you said this was market research, but what is this really all about?” Ted wasn’t entirely convinced.
Brian got up from behind his desk and came around to where Ted and Emmett were standing. Slinging an arm across each of the men’s shoulders, he moved to usher them out of his office. “Thank you for your hard work gentlemen, that’s all for now.” Brian lightly pushed them out the door and shut it quickly in their wake.
Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t quite figure out what to say.
Ted shook his head. “C’mon, let’s go to the diner to catch something to eat. He’s not going to tell us any more.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“... and that is how you can make your product number one in the marketplace.” Brian concluded his presentation to the president, senior sales vice-president and marketing director for World brand condoms.
There was stunned silence, then the two men and lone woman from World put their heads together and the room started to buzz. Cynthia and Ted smiled at Brian, who shrugged nonchalantly and picked up a green apple from the bowl in the center of the table. He took a bite and relished his newest account.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Honey, I’m home.” Brian called out as he entered the loft. A bottle of champagne clasped in one hand.
Justin looked up from the computer. “Good day at the office, dear?” he asked in a high falsetto.
“Fucking great day!”
“Oh. Did you nail a new account?”
“I signed a new account, it’s you I get to nail.” Brian dragged Justin up from his seat behind the computer and wrestled him down to one of the nearby futons that graced the floor.
Justin grinned. “Even better.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Justin lay with his head on Brian’s chest. They passed a cigarette between them.
“That was fucking hot. You have got to get new accounts more often.”
Brian smiled. “Well, I have you to thank for this account.”
Justin struggled up and propped himself on Brian. “You do?”
“Yeah,” Brian reached over and plucked a sealed condom from his pant’s pocket. “If it weren’t for you making me cum like buckets, I’d never have had to switch brands.” He handed Justin the condom.
“You giving me the World?” It didn’t happen very often that Brian would let him top.
Brian smiled, everyone would celebrate today. “Go ahead sunshine, push your luck. See how much love this World can hold.”
fin