(no subject)
Name: Nye
Age: 30
First mother to Alex, and it's her 9th birthday tomorrow. Age at adoption: 4. In foster care for 1 year prior to adoption due to my mental health problems and unsettled lifestyle (which was caused by my mental health problems. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and had a breakdown that lasted for 6 years; I'm only just recovering). I looked after her well for over two years until I had my breakdown. I breastfed her until she weaned herself. Her first father has problems of his own and co-parented with me until the breakdown.
The adoption was closed but with letterbox contact because I was so unstable at the time of the adoption. I have been receiving letterbox contact when I've been well enough to, and in March I sent off my first letter (with photos) in five years. I'm not allowed to call myself Mummy, and not allowed to send her anything for christmas or birthdays.
Feelings about the adoption: really mixed. I was coerced into it by my social worker and my ex, and had to sign the forms to let go of my parental rights whilst in a psychiatric ward. The adoption was the worst thing that happened to me in my life, but it was the only option. There were no signs of me getting better in time to be able to get back into parenting her in her crucial early years, and time has proved that my ex and my social worker were right. I love my daughter and grieve for the loss. I was in counselling for adoption grief issues at a specialist centre last year which has helped me a lot.
What do I want out of this community? I'm a member of a MSN adoption community that contains some very angry people, and you're not allowed to express any positive views of adoption at all. As I mentioned before my feelings about adoption are mixed, and I want to be able to express both the positive and the negative sides to my story. I'm also a member of the Natural Parents Network, a UK first parents association that has meetings, a helpline and a newsletter, but most of it's members are 20 or 30 years older than me and their stories are really different.
I live in London, UK.