Comments | bironic: Sestina: John (gen, 500 words). Happy second day of National Poetry Month!

bironic

Sestina: John (gen, 500 words). Happy second day of National Poetry Month!

Apr 02, 2008 12:46

I still think this could use improvement, but here it is anyway.

Title: Sestina: John
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: John/team/gen
Rating: PG
Word Count: 500
Summary: John finds a home.
Spoilers: "Rising."
Disclaimer: Neither the canon nor the fanon that inspired this are mine.
A/N: I'm glad to have this finished, finally. Big thanks to ( Read more... )

poetry, my writing, sestina!fic

Comments 23

horridporrid April 3 2008, 23:08:47 UTC

I liked this. I thought the lyrical nature of the poem served John well. (He strikes me as more artistic and poetic than I think he'd admit to.)

I don't feel qualified to give any concrit (I like poetry, but my understanding of it is very surfacy, I think). But I did like the themes of being lost and being alien and finding home and finding family (or team).

bironic April 6 2008, 15:13:54 UTC

Thanks! That's a cool point about John being more poetic than he lets on, or than he even admits to himself. (Well, hey, he likes Johnny Cash, and he's an excellent writer/poet, right?) I'm also glad to hear the themes came through clearly. I think Atlantis is a lot about home and adopted family for John, and while it's all been covered much more extensively in fandom already, I wanted to try to explore that here.

briar_pipe April 4 2008, 02:14:16 UTC

I'm blown away. I wish I were more coherent, but this is just amazing.

bironic April 6 2008, 15:17:22 UTC

Wow, thank you! I'm so glad you liked it.

cupidsbow April 5 2008, 18:49:28 UTC

Gorgeous.

bironic April 6 2008, 15:16:00 UTC

Thank you! You know, your voice was in the back of my head as I worked on this, after the insightful crit you gave on some previous poems. I'm still trying to make my sestinas better, tighter, more poetic, and they have a way to go yet, but I hope to get there in time.

cupidsbow April 8 2008, 08:53:58 UTC

I remember that conversation we had, mainly because I found your use of the sestina form so interesting ( ... )

kassrachel May 2 2008, 19:19:19 UTC

On Earth, he'd believed he could never be lost / without a home to miss.

Oh, JOHN.

He'd give his life for any of them, and for Atlantis, / this city of misfits from two galaxies, their oasis on the sea, their forever home.

That's a lovely turn of phrase, that is.

I like the end-words you chose here; they're perfect in their versatility.