Sugar and Pepper (49)
FORTY-EIGHT
* FORTY-NINE *
01.
The little boy on the playground looked like Jun. His cherubic cheeks were full and rosy. His hair and eyebrows were thick and dark. Unconsciously, Satoshi approached and the boy noticed him.
"Who are you?" the child asked, curious.
Instead of answering, Satoshi asked, "Where's your papa?"
The boy turned his head and pointed to an occupied bench on the outer edge of the playground. Satoshi squinted and saw Jun. "Is that really your papa?" he asked.
"He is!" the boy answered, adamant that Satoshi did not believe him.
But Satoshi did. He just couldn't work past the suffocating feelings mired in his chest. He addressed the boy again. "Do you know who I am? I'm your uncle."
"My uncle?" the boy asked just as Jun stirred from the bench. Jun's eyes were locked on Satoshi in disbelief.
Satoshi couldn't answer the boy. He couldn't even see Jun anymore because he'd begun to cry.
He woke from his dream with tears still in his eyes. The dream had felt so real that the raw emotions had poured over into his conscious self. Jun was still asleep next to him, unaware of anything. Satoshi moved closer to him and breathed in his scent deeply. Even with Jun physically next to him, for the first time in a long time Satoshi felt a well of endless fear.
It'd been a week since his fishing trip, but the fear had never left and continued to build in his heart and mind.
02.
"What's wrong?" Masaki asked later that day, breaking in on Satoshi's thoughts.
The older boy started and then remembered where he was, the home economics classroom, and shook his head in answer. He tried to focus on the bowl in front of him. It was not the time to be pondering his dream. He'd messed up a bowl of chocolate earlier and even though Masaki might let him off he didn't think the other members would be so amiable a second time.
Masaki moved to settle beside him with an eagerness that contrasted against Satoshi's. "Ohno-san, will you be giving the Valentine's chocolates you make today to anybody?"
Satoshi thought back to that morning. He'd had a bad night after the dream and Jun had been the one to wake him up for a change, but only as he was about to leave. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Jun had reached out to ruffle Satoshi's bed-head and sheepishly told him that Miyuki had informed him about the Culinary club's, and Satoshi's, project later that day. Swallowing his pride, Jun declared, "I'll be waiting for my chocolates from you."
In the present, off to the side at a different station, Satoshi saw and heard Miyuki working on her chocolate cakes. "This one is for my hunny and this is for Jun-sama," she said, beaming and working on the larger of the cakes for Jun.
Satoshi released an inaudible, small sigh. He knew Jun was popular and he wondered why his younger brother even had need of his hopeless honmei chocolates.
03.
The dishes and utensils were washed and dried and the club members wrapped their final work. Satoshi warily eyed the fancy boxes and wrapping paper that they had brought and offered to him. He wondered if he could just pass his messed up chocolates to Jun in tissue paper. He realized it would look even worse next to the pretty chocolates in pretty wrapping that Jun would receive from many girls.
Masaki bounded over to him as he decided he would wrap it in something better than tissue paper and showed Satoshi his Super Mario-shaped chocolate in it's casing. On the chocolate was written in red creme, I Like You!!!
Surprised, even though he'd had an inkling of Masaki's feelings, Satoshi glanced up at the taller boy and found him blushing heavily.
Masaki's voice came out squeaky as he averted his eyes and whispered, "Do you think Nino will like it?"
Satoshi felt an affinity for his underclassman. Anything could happen. He wasn't Kazunari. But he nodded. He couldn't answer otherwise.
Although not entirely relieved, Masaki gave him a soft smile. "Ohno-san, will you wish me luck?"
04.
Valentine's was already tomorrow. Time had flown away much faster than Satoshi thought possible, much faster than he wanted. The week after his fishing trip with his step-father had passed in a flurry. Today had also passed in a moment.
As he stood by the baseball field and leaned against the fence waiting for Jun to return from the locker room, he helplessly wondered how he could stop time.
Without warning, an arm was roughly thrown over his shoulders and swayed him off his feet, but the perpetrator steadied him. Satoshi turned his head to Jun who was grinning just a few centimeters away.
"You should pick me up from school every day," Jun said. "So I could walk home with you again. I miss walking home with you."
That one single sentence made Satoshi hopelessly happy. For the moment his troubles were forgotten. The burden in his chest lightened considerably and a careless smile turned up the corner of his lips until his expression mirrored the younger boy's.
Jun smiled wider because Satoshi did and he rubbed at his brother's cheek with his other hand until Satoshi felt like his cheek had been rubbed raw. Then Jun promptly, gently smoothed the red spot with his hand. "So will you pick me up from school?" he asked.
Satoshi gave him a nod. "If you want me to."
"And because you want to?" Jun added.
Satoshi smiled again and said, "Because I want to."
05.
That night while they waited for sleep to come cuddled next to each other, Satoshi pressed his face against Jun's shoulder and asked quietly, "Don't you get a lot of chocolates on Valentine's?"
"No," Jun said. "Why'd you think that?"
"I saw you last year," he mumbled. "And the year before. You took a lot home."
Jun shifted until his head was on the pillow next to Satoshi and they were gazing at each other just mere centimeters apart. "You saw me? You were looking?"
Satoshi felt heat climb up his face and he averted his eyes. He hadn't been looking for it, but he had seen it anyway. Last year, Jun had come to him, to give him his lunch box, and had stayed to avoid being called out by a few girls. Satoshi had known as much, he just hadn't been concerned.
He didn't want his gift to be compared to theirs. He lied, "I gave my chocolates to Aiba-chan."
Jun's brows furrowed. His lips pressed together in a thin line. Satoshi thought his brother would burst out in anger, but Jun took a deep breath and turned with his back to the older boy. "Okay," he said.
It was his own fault for lying, but Satoshi felt pricked by Jun's coldness anyway. Yet he couldn't come straight out and apologize, not after Jun had turned from him.
06.
He couldn't sleep and after much fidgeting, went to get a glass of water downstairs. He met his step-father in the kitchen. Mr. Matsumoto nodded at him and turned to return to his room. Satoshi watched him leave, but Mr. Matsumoto stopped by the stairs and glanced back at him.
"You don't like the futon?" his step-father asked.
Satoshi started and froze. He didn't know how to answer his step-father. Why did his step-father think so?
"I was just wondering," Mr. Matsumoto said after Satoshi still couldn't find his tongue and silence wrapped around them. Mr. Matsumoto left him alone in the kitchen to contemplate what he really meant.
* *
FIFTY
* FORTY-NINE *
01.
The little boy on the playground looked like Jun. His cherubic cheeks were full and rosy. His hair and eyebrows were thick and dark. Unconsciously, Satoshi approached and the boy noticed him.
"Who are you?" the child asked, curious.
Instead of answering, Satoshi asked, "Where's your papa?"
The boy turned his head and pointed to an occupied bench on the outer edge of the playground. Satoshi squinted and saw Jun. "Is that really your papa?" he asked.
"He is!" the boy answered, adamant that Satoshi did not believe him.
But Satoshi did. He just couldn't work past the suffocating feelings mired in his chest. He addressed the boy again. "Do you know who I am? I'm your uncle."
"My uncle?" the boy asked just as Jun stirred from the bench. Jun's eyes were locked on Satoshi in disbelief.
Satoshi couldn't answer the boy. He couldn't even see Jun anymore because he'd begun to cry.
He woke from his dream with tears still in his eyes. The dream had felt so real that the raw emotions had poured over into his conscious self. Jun was still asleep next to him, unaware of anything. Satoshi moved closer to him and breathed in his scent deeply. Even with Jun physically next to him, for the first time in a long time Satoshi felt a well of endless fear.
It'd been a week since his fishing trip, but the fear had never left and continued to build in his heart and mind.
02.
"What's wrong?" Masaki asked later that day, breaking in on Satoshi's thoughts.
The older boy started and then remembered where he was, the home economics classroom, and shook his head in answer. He tried to focus on the bowl in front of him. It was not the time to be pondering his dream. He'd messed up a bowl of chocolate earlier and even though Masaki might let him off he didn't think the other members would be so amiable a second time.
Masaki moved to settle beside him with an eagerness that contrasted against Satoshi's. "Ohno-san, will you be giving the Valentine's chocolates you make today to anybody?"
Satoshi thought back to that morning. He'd had a bad night after the dream and Jun had been the one to wake him up for a change, but only as he was about to leave. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Jun had reached out to ruffle Satoshi's bed-head and sheepishly told him that Miyuki had informed him about the Culinary club's, and Satoshi's, project later that day. Swallowing his pride, Jun declared, "I'll be waiting for my chocolates from you."
In the present, off to the side at a different station, Satoshi saw and heard Miyuki working on her chocolate cakes. "This one is for my hunny and this is for Jun-sama," she said, beaming and working on the larger of the cakes for Jun.
Satoshi released an inaudible, small sigh. He knew Jun was popular and he wondered why his younger brother even had need of his hopeless honmei chocolates.
03.
The dishes and utensils were washed and dried and the club members wrapped their final work. Satoshi warily eyed the fancy boxes and wrapping paper that they had brought and offered to him. He wondered if he could just pass his messed up chocolates to Jun in tissue paper. He realized it would look even worse next to the pretty chocolates in pretty wrapping that Jun would receive from many girls.
Masaki bounded over to him as he decided he would wrap it in something better than tissue paper and showed Satoshi his Super Mario-shaped chocolate in it's casing. On the chocolate was written in red creme, I Like You!!!
Surprised, even though he'd had an inkling of Masaki's feelings, Satoshi glanced up at the taller boy and found him blushing heavily.
Masaki's voice came out squeaky as he averted his eyes and whispered, "Do you think Nino will like it?"
Satoshi felt an affinity for his underclassman. Anything could happen. He wasn't Kazunari. But he nodded. He couldn't answer otherwise.
Although not entirely relieved, Masaki gave him a soft smile. "Ohno-san, will you wish me luck?"
04.
Valentine's was already tomorrow. Time had flown away much faster than Satoshi thought possible, much faster than he wanted. The week after his fishing trip with his step-father had passed in a flurry. Today had also passed in a moment.
As he stood by the baseball field and leaned against the fence waiting for Jun to return from the locker room, he helplessly wondered how he could stop time.
Without warning, an arm was roughly thrown over his shoulders and swayed him off his feet, but the perpetrator steadied him. Satoshi turned his head to Jun who was grinning just a few centimeters away.
"You should pick me up from school every day," Jun said. "So I could walk home with you again. I miss walking home with you."
That one single sentence made Satoshi hopelessly happy. For the moment his troubles were forgotten. The burden in his chest lightened considerably and a careless smile turned up the corner of his lips until his expression mirrored the younger boy's.
Jun smiled wider because Satoshi did and he rubbed at his brother's cheek with his other hand until Satoshi felt like his cheek had been rubbed raw. Then Jun promptly, gently smoothed the red spot with his hand. "So will you pick me up from school?" he asked.
Satoshi gave him a nod. "If you want me to."
"And because you want to?" Jun added.
Satoshi smiled again and said, "Because I want to."
05.
That night while they waited for sleep to come cuddled next to each other, Satoshi pressed his face against Jun's shoulder and asked quietly, "Don't you get a lot of chocolates on Valentine's?"
"No," Jun said. "Why'd you think that?"
"I saw you last year," he mumbled. "And the year before. You took a lot home."
Jun shifted until his head was on the pillow next to Satoshi and they were gazing at each other just mere centimeters apart. "You saw me? You were looking?"
Satoshi felt heat climb up his face and he averted his eyes. He hadn't been looking for it, but he had seen it anyway. Last year, Jun had come to him, to give him his lunch box, and had stayed to avoid being called out by a few girls. Satoshi had known as much, he just hadn't been concerned.
He didn't want his gift to be compared to theirs. He lied, "I gave my chocolates to Aiba-chan."
Jun's brows furrowed. His lips pressed together in a thin line. Satoshi thought his brother would burst out in anger, but Jun took a deep breath and turned with his back to the older boy. "Okay," he said.
It was his own fault for lying, but Satoshi felt pricked by Jun's coldness anyway. Yet he couldn't come straight out and apologize, not after Jun had turned from him.
06.
He couldn't sleep and after much fidgeting, went to get a glass of water downstairs. He met his step-father in the kitchen. Mr. Matsumoto nodded at him and turned to return to his room. Satoshi watched him leave, but Mr. Matsumoto stopped by the stairs and glanced back at him.
"You don't like the futon?" his step-father asked.
Satoshi started and froze. He didn't know how to answer his step-father. Why did his step-father think so?
"I was just wondering," Mr. Matsumoto said after Satoshi still couldn't find his tongue and silence wrapped around them. Mr. Matsumoto left him alone in the kitchen to contemplate what he really meant.
* *
FIFTY