Hi there. I think you're really brave posting here. I probably would have tried to ignore my feelings at 14. Actually, I did. You're awesome for even just tying your entry out!
welcome. do you have a doctor? can you tell your parents how bad it is right now? this is one of those times when you should reach out to someone you trust. if you are taking medication then you may need something different or a different dose. i know it is very hard to do all of these things and i also know that at 14 i would have suffered in silence. so if you can talk to someone, please do. it is worth it to get help if you can. but regardless of all that- it is really good to post here. we are very welcoming and will try to help in whatever way we can through the internet.
I was once in your shoes too, Cassie. And your age is a very hard age to be at. I can't give you a whole lot of advice but I guess what I will say is find a mentor. If you can't find a teacher or other adult who listens and whom you trust, ask your parents to get you into Big Brothers, Big Sisters or something. I could never open up to my parents but if you can, you're way ahead of the game.
Remember, this too shall pass. Someday things will be better for you and hopefully that will be soon.
When you want to SI, there are some things I used to do that helped: put a paper grocery bag over your head and blow on a kazoo or party blower. It's terribly hard to not laugh when you're doing that. Try lowering your hand slowly into a bin of something that feels interesting, like dry beans. While you're doing it, just focus on how it feels. This helps me when I'm SI-ing because I don't even feel alive anymore.
Fuck, I am so glad I wasn't so self-aware at 14. Um, if I can offer some advice, it's that when you're in your early adolescence, well, you lose friends, your social life is a wreck, and things seem hopeless. This seems to be a general rule of thumb, I've never heard anyone who has ever wished to relive their middle school/junior high lives.
It's worse of course for those of us who are... Not in fine mental health, but, well, things will get better. Maybe not soon, and definitely not quickly, but things will get better if you stick around.
There are many things you can do to help with SI. If you need to feel pain, then hold an ice cube where you would cut. If you need to see blood, use a red marker to make blood. If you are suffering from anxiety or tension, take a long hot bubble bath. I know when I want to SI, I press the non-cutting side of a dinner knife to my arm and press it until the skin in red and indented. It makes me feel better. There are many things that can be done instead of SI
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do you have a doctor? can you tell your parents how bad it is right now? this is one of those times when you should reach out to someone you trust.
if you are taking medication then you may need something different or a different dose. i know it is very hard to do all of these things and i also know that at 14 i would have suffered in silence.
so if you can talk to someone, please do. it is worth it to get help if you can.
but regardless of all that- it is really good to post here. we are very welcoming and will try to help in whatever way we can through the internet.
Reply
Remember, this too shall pass. Someday things will be better for you and hopefully that will be soon.
When you want to SI, there are some things I used to do that helped: put a paper grocery bag over your head and blow on a kazoo or party blower. It's terribly hard to not laugh when you're doing that. Try lowering your hand slowly into a bin of something that feels interesting, like dry beans. While you're doing it, just focus on how it feels. This helps me when I'm SI-ing because I don't even feel alive anymore.
I hope that helped =)
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It's worse of course for those of us who are... Not in fine mental health, but, well, things will get better. Maybe not soon, and definitely not quickly, but things will get better if you stick around.
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