Rennaissance Festival fun
Last weekend we went to the last day of the local Renaissance festival. I've been going for decades, and often now a few weekends a year because I get free tickets.
This year, the line of cars outside of the festival was the longest I've ever seen it. Usually it's only about a mile long and takes at most a half hour to get in. This year, the line of slow-moving cars was FOUR MILES LONG.
A FOUR MILE LONG LINE OF CARS MOVING 5MPH. IT TOOK US AT LEAST AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GET IN. IT HAS NEVER BEEN THAT LONG EVER. PEOPLE STOP FUCKING BREEDING YOU COCKROACHES.
(I had to caps that, it was that insane.)
I decided to Google Maps this shit to show how long the line was. That is how long the line was. It began at the highway and ended at the entrance to the festival.
At the beginning of the long line I wisely had my mother pull over at a gas station so I could pee&poo, even though she complained and said "You should have gone when we left."
Well, halfway in the line of cars, though, she said she needed to pee, badly. Should have gone when we were at the gas station, lady.
While in the line of cars, we passed a produce stand/farm, a tavern, a party store, all of which are on the map and probably had bathrooms. She refused to pull over to use the bathrooms in any of these because she feared not being able to get back in line, and thought she'd have to go to the beginning of the line again. Hell, I could have taken the wheel, and she could jump out to use the potty, and by the time she was finished I'd be only 10 feet down the road at the rate the line was moving.
I had to listen to her bitching the entire time and I finally snapped when we were about 100 feet from the entrance to the parking area. I said "If you pee yourself it's your own fault for not going to the bathroom when I did, or when we passed those places back there. You had your chance and you blew it." When we finally pulled into the festival parking area, she jumped out and ran off and I parked the car for her. It was kind of funny because I kept hitting the brake pedal in her automatic thinking it was the clutch.
She passed up three chances to go to the bathroom. It felt like dealing with the child. I can't believe I was the mature one there.
While in there, we only had 3.5 hours or so to hang out. I spent some of the time playing in the gaming area, which had throwing knives, darts, throwing axes, throwing stars, archery, toss the tomato at the guy insulting you. Years ago, I did the tomato toss and hit the guy in the face as he called me a "dweeb". It didn't hit him head on as he deflected it with his hand but it did hit his cheek and ear.
In the archery I shot an arrow in a wooden deer's leg. There was also this elmo plush with his mouth open sideways like Pac-Man, and I shot an arrow directly between his gums in the craw of his mouth. In throwing darts, I hit a stuffed monkey twice. I won enough tokens from this to get a stuffed unicorn, but they were out by the time I tried to redeem them. I was so disappoint. But it was kinda fun.
This year, the line of cars outside of the festival was the longest I've ever seen it. Usually it's only about a mile long and takes at most a half hour to get in. This year, the line of slow-moving cars was FOUR MILES LONG.
A FOUR MILE LONG LINE OF CARS MOVING 5MPH. IT TOOK US AT LEAST AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GET IN. IT HAS NEVER BEEN THAT LONG EVER. PEOPLE STOP FUCKING BREEDING YOU COCKROACHES.
(I had to caps that, it was that insane.)
I decided to Google Maps this shit to show how long the line was. That is how long the line was. It began at the highway and ended at the entrance to the festival.
At the beginning of the long line I wisely had my mother pull over at a gas station so I could pee&poo, even though she complained and said "You should have gone when we left."
Well, halfway in the line of cars, though, she said she needed to pee, badly. Should have gone when we were at the gas station, lady.
While in the line of cars, we passed a produce stand/farm, a tavern, a party store, all of which are on the map and probably had bathrooms. She refused to pull over to use the bathrooms in any of these because she feared not being able to get back in line, and thought she'd have to go to the beginning of the line again. Hell, I could have taken the wheel, and she could jump out to use the potty, and by the time she was finished I'd be only 10 feet down the road at the rate the line was moving.
I had to listen to her bitching the entire time and I finally snapped when we were about 100 feet from the entrance to the parking area. I said "If you pee yourself it's your own fault for not going to the bathroom when I did, or when we passed those places back there. You had your chance and you blew it." When we finally pulled into the festival parking area, she jumped out and ran off and I parked the car for her. It was kind of funny because I kept hitting the brake pedal in her automatic thinking it was the clutch.
She passed up three chances to go to the bathroom. It felt like dealing with the child. I can't believe I was the mature one there.
While in there, we only had 3.5 hours or so to hang out. I spent some of the time playing in the gaming area, which had throwing knives, darts, throwing axes, throwing stars, archery, toss the tomato at the guy insulting you. Years ago, I did the tomato toss and hit the guy in the face as he called me a "dweeb". It didn't hit him head on as he deflected it with his hand but it did hit his cheek and ear.
In the archery I shot an arrow in a wooden deer's leg. There was also this elmo plush with his mouth open sideways like Pac-Man, and I shot an arrow directly between his gums in the craw of his mouth. In throwing darts, I hit a stuffed monkey twice. I won enough tokens from this to get a stuffed unicorn, but they were out by the time I tried to redeem them. I was so disappoint. But it was kinda fun.