QAF Fic: "Paradigm Shift," NC-17
Here's another Fandom Aid fic for posterity. As requested by babylonbabe.
Brian’s shaving at the sink, thinking about Remson’s latest demands to cut agency fees when Justin tells him. Justin finishes toweling off and lingers for a few moments before turning to face him. Brian’s hand falters only momentarily as Justin speaks.
“I don’t think I’m going to trick anymore.”
Brian says nothing, just continues the scrape of metal against his cheek.
“I just feel like…I feel like I’m doing it because I’m supposed to, not because I really want to. It’s…boring.”
Brian rinses the blade under the hot water. “Okay.”
“So, I just thought you should know.”
“Right.” Brian tilts his chin up and the razor arcs upwards.
Justin watches, the towel hanging limply in his hand.
Brian looks at him in the mirror. “If you’re expecting me to say-”
“I don’t expect anything, Brian.” Justin returns the towel to the rack and walks away.
****
Sometimes Brian’s amazed by how time can pass while you’re not really paying attention. It’s been two years since Justin came back from L.A., and they’ve been floating along comfortably, going to work and school and not really doing anything very important.
Their routine is predictable and easy. They live together and eat together and sleep together and fuck together. They fuck other people when they want to, and Justin never tries to have picnics on the floor.
Sometimes Brian looks at him and can’t imagine Justin was ever that young.
****
Of course, now everything is different. He feels unbalanced in a way that he didn’t expect, and he wishes Justin would just come out with him and plow some hot guy in the backroom. But Justin won’t. Brian tries not to pressure him, but he feels like he’s doing something wrong and he hates that Justin always takes the fucking high ground.
One night Brian puts on his favourite club shirt as Justin sits in the living room, drawing quietly.
“Why don’t you come out?”
Justin doesn’t look up. “Not tonight. I don’t feel like it.”
“You never feel like it.” Brian zips up his jeans and cringes at the needy tone in his voice.
Justin’s pencil scratches away on his pad. “Yes, I do. I went out twice last week. I just don’t feel like it tonight.”
“It’s not the same as before.”
Justin looks up at this. “I know. I don’t want it to be the same as before.”
Brian stalks to the fridge and grabs a beer. “Don’t you want to have fun? Or have you outgrown that?”
“Tricking isn’t fun.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Justin sighs and lets his pencil drop to the table. “You know what I was thinking about with every trick I was with in the last year?”
Brian raises his eyebrows and waits.
“I was thinking that I wished they were you. That I never get off as hard or long as I do when I’m with you. When we’re together, it’s better than anything else I’ve ever had, and anything else I think I will ever have. So what’s the point? No one else comes close.”
Brian finishes his beer and practically runs out the door.
****
The night of the Best Abs Contest, Brian comes home from work to find Justin puking his guts out in the bathroom. He gets him some water and helps him to bed.
“Don’t worry about me, go out and have fun,” Justin says, shivering.
“I was going to stay in anyway.”
“No you weren’t.”
“Yes I was.”
Justin’s smile is weak. “Liar.” He falls asleep soon, and Brian ends up reading a book in bed beside him. Some paperback thriller that he picked up in the airport a week before, but never finished because he ended up getting blown in the tiny airplane bathroom.
He never does find out who has the best abs on Liberty Ave.
****
The day that Brian falls asleep in the bathhouse getting a blowjob is a day that he should mark on his calendar. But he doesn’t, and he can’t remember now exactly when it was. Tuesday? Wednesday? Or maybe it was the weekend.
But he remembers the alien sensation of opening his eyes and not knowing where he was or what was going on. The trick was gone, but some old, saggy queens in the corner snickered and whispered, their eyes gleaming.
Now he feels like he has put on a new pair of glasses, and the world has crystallized before him, all sharp angles and minute detail.
****
The holidays are loud and busy, and Brian welcomes the distraction. Thanksgiving at Deb’s is full of turkey and booze and football, the latter demanded by Horvath. Drew entertains them by telling locker room stories about the players he knew, and whether they were cut or uncut.
Brian and Justin end up making out in the downstairs bathroom and Michael rolls his eyes and tries not to smile when they finally emerge, red-mouthed and flushed.
****
Valentine’s Day obnoxiously approaches, and Brian thinks that if he sees one more red heart on TV or in the stores, he’ll scream and shove Cupid’s bow and arrow up his little round ass.
Gus gives him and Justin Valentines, scrawled with words of love. Brian puts them on the fridge and Justin smiles a real smile for the first time that week.
****
On the 14th, Justin is quieter than usual. He draws intently on the coffee table, and as Brian changes out of his suit, the silence is thick in the air. Brian pulls his old jeans on and finds a t-shirt. He tries to be quiet as he settles into the couch with a magazine, not wanting to break Justin’s concentration.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Justin asks.
“For what?”
“The Valentine’s party at Babylon. It’s one of the hottest nights of the year.”
“Do you want to go?” Part of Brian hopes he does, and he’s suddenly ashamed. But the temptation to slip back into that comfortable world is strong sometimes.
Justin shakes his head. “No. But you should.”
“Why?”
Now he’s got Justin’s attention. “What?”
Brian flicks through the magazine. “I asked why.”
“Because it makes you happy.”
“Do you really think so?”
“No. But you do.”
Brian puts the magazine down and they stare at each other for a long time. Finally he slides off the couch and crawls around the table on his hands and knees, their eyes never wavering. The first kiss is soft, but soon the hunger takes over and their lips and tongues and teeth connect.
Brian presses Justin back against the carpet, pushing the table away at the same time. Pencils skid and roll off the other side as he pulls Justin’s shirt off. He licks and sucks Justin’s chest, the taste of his skin making him hard and eager.
They kiss again and Justin grabs Brian’s face between his hands. He pulls away and looks up intently, eyes questioning. Brian kisses him and Justin moans low in his throat as their bodies fit together, searching.
Soon they’re both naked, and Brian swallows Justin’s cock, his teeth lightly grazing the shaft. Justin gasps and twists Brian’s hair almost painfully in his fingers as Brian sucks him deep into his throat. He starts whimpering, and Brian spreads Justin’s legs and lifts his ass up so he can taste it, his tongue finding Justin’s hole quickly.
Brian feels like he wants to devour him whole, turn him inside out. He licks and nips and pushes his tongue inside. Then he can’t wait one more second for it, and he sits up and hauls Justin’s legs up onto his shoulders. Justin’s eyes are glazed, mouth slack. Brian leans down and kisses him, Justin’s cock hard between them.
“Are you clean?”
Justin blinks up at him. “What?”
“I said, are you clean?”
“Yes.”
“Me, too. It’s been months now.”
They both breathe heavily, muscles taut and waiting.
“What are you saying?” Justin licks his lips and shakes his head a bit like he’s trying to focus.
“I’m saying it’s never half as good with anyone else as it is with you.”
Justin stares, disbelieving.
Brian’s heart pounds in his chest. He’s sure Justin can hear it. “I’m saying I’m clean and I’m going to stay that way, and I want to come inside your tight little ass.”
Justin takes in a sharp breath. “Do it. Fuck me.”
And he does. For the first time ever without a rip of plastic, he pushes inside him, and it’s so hot and wet and tight and god, god, god. They both shake and breathe and watch each other with something like awe. Brian never thought it would be like this.
Didn’t know it could.
He thrusts all the way in and leans closer, shoving Justin’s knees further into his chest. Sweat drips down Brian’s forehead and beads on Justin’s top lip as their bodies quiver and slide. Brian leans in and licks Justin’s lips slowly as he starts to move.
He can’t get over how hot it is, how the feel of skin on skin is warm and right - the way it should be, without cold latex in the way. He can’t imagine how he’s lived this long without it. His cock burns, and they both pant and moan with every thrust, eyes wide open.
He starts to pump faster, the rough friction making him groan. They kiss again and move together, Justin’s ass squeezing down, his cock leaking between them. Justin’s teeth find Brian’s lip and Brian tastes blood. Swallows it, wants more. Wants Justin’s blood, wants everything.
“Oh, God. Come inside me, Brian.”
Brian tries to make it last, but he starts to tighten and he jerks Justin as he comes, shooting long and hard. Justin throws his head back and he’s coming too, eyes finally closed, mouth gaping.
Brian lowers Justin’s legs to the floor and rests their foreheads together as they catch their breath. They lie in still silence, then he pulls out and collapses onto his side, arm draped across Justin’s chest, legs tangled.
For the first time in forever, Brian feels something that might be peace. “Damn. Should have done that a long time ago.”
Justin smiles, and looks seventeen again.
Brian’s shaving at the sink, thinking about Remson’s latest demands to cut agency fees when Justin tells him. Justin finishes toweling off and lingers for a few moments before turning to face him. Brian’s hand falters only momentarily as Justin speaks.
“I don’t think I’m going to trick anymore.”
Brian says nothing, just continues the scrape of metal against his cheek.
“I just feel like…I feel like I’m doing it because I’m supposed to, not because I really want to. It’s…boring.”
Brian rinses the blade under the hot water. “Okay.”
“So, I just thought you should know.”
“Right.” Brian tilts his chin up and the razor arcs upwards.
Justin watches, the towel hanging limply in his hand.
Brian looks at him in the mirror. “If you’re expecting me to say-”
“I don’t expect anything, Brian.” Justin returns the towel to the rack and walks away.
****
Sometimes Brian’s amazed by how time can pass while you’re not really paying attention. It’s been two years since Justin came back from L.A., and they’ve been floating along comfortably, going to work and school and not really doing anything very important.
Their routine is predictable and easy. They live together and eat together and sleep together and fuck together. They fuck other people when they want to, and Justin never tries to have picnics on the floor.
Sometimes Brian looks at him and can’t imagine Justin was ever that young.
****
Of course, now everything is different. He feels unbalanced in a way that he didn’t expect, and he wishes Justin would just come out with him and plow some hot guy in the backroom. But Justin won’t. Brian tries not to pressure him, but he feels like he’s doing something wrong and he hates that Justin always takes the fucking high ground.
One night Brian puts on his favourite club shirt as Justin sits in the living room, drawing quietly.
“Why don’t you come out?”
Justin doesn’t look up. “Not tonight. I don’t feel like it.”
“You never feel like it.” Brian zips up his jeans and cringes at the needy tone in his voice.
Justin’s pencil scratches away on his pad. “Yes, I do. I went out twice last week. I just don’t feel like it tonight.”
“It’s not the same as before.”
Justin looks up at this. “I know. I don’t want it to be the same as before.”
Brian stalks to the fridge and grabs a beer. “Don’t you want to have fun? Or have you outgrown that?”
“Tricking isn’t fun.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Justin sighs and lets his pencil drop to the table. “You know what I was thinking about with every trick I was with in the last year?”
Brian raises his eyebrows and waits.
“I was thinking that I wished they were you. That I never get off as hard or long as I do when I’m with you. When we’re together, it’s better than anything else I’ve ever had, and anything else I think I will ever have. So what’s the point? No one else comes close.”
Brian finishes his beer and practically runs out the door.
****
The night of the Best Abs Contest, Brian comes home from work to find Justin puking his guts out in the bathroom. He gets him some water and helps him to bed.
“Don’t worry about me, go out and have fun,” Justin says, shivering.
“I was going to stay in anyway.”
“No you weren’t.”
“Yes I was.”
Justin’s smile is weak. “Liar.” He falls asleep soon, and Brian ends up reading a book in bed beside him. Some paperback thriller that he picked up in the airport a week before, but never finished because he ended up getting blown in the tiny airplane bathroom.
He never does find out who has the best abs on Liberty Ave.
****
The day that Brian falls asleep in the bathhouse getting a blowjob is a day that he should mark on his calendar. But he doesn’t, and he can’t remember now exactly when it was. Tuesday? Wednesday? Or maybe it was the weekend.
But he remembers the alien sensation of opening his eyes and not knowing where he was or what was going on. The trick was gone, but some old, saggy queens in the corner snickered and whispered, their eyes gleaming.
Now he feels like he has put on a new pair of glasses, and the world has crystallized before him, all sharp angles and minute detail.
****
The holidays are loud and busy, and Brian welcomes the distraction. Thanksgiving at Deb’s is full of turkey and booze and football, the latter demanded by Horvath. Drew entertains them by telling locker room stories about the players he knew, and whether they were cut or uncut.
Brian and Justin end up making out in the downstairs bathroom and Michael rolls his eyes and tries not to smile when they finally emerge, red-mouthed and flushed.
****
Valentine’s Day obnoxiously approaches, and Brian thinks that if he sees one more red heart on TV or in the stores, he’ll scream and shove Cupid’s bow and arrow up his little round ass.
Gus gives him and Justin Valentines, scrawled with words of love. Brian puts them on the fridge and Justin smiles a real smile for the first time that week.
****
On the 14th, Justin is quieter than usual. He draws intently on the coffee table, and as Brian changes out of his suit, the silence is thick in the air. Brian pulls his old jeans on and finds a t-shirt. He tries to be quiet as he settles into the couch with a magazine, not wanting to break Justin’s concentration.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Justin asks.
“For what?”
“The Valentine’s party at Babylon. It’s one of the hottest nights of the year.”
“Do you want to go?” Part of Brian hopes he does, and he’s suddenly ashamed. But the temptation to slip back into that comfortable world is strong sometimes.
Justin shakes his head. “No. But you should.”
“Why?”
Now he’s got Justin’s attention. “What?”
Brian flicks through the magazine. “I asked why.”
“Because it makes you happy.”
“Do you really think so?”
“No. But you do.”
Brian puts the magazine down and they stare at each other for a long time. Finally he slides off the couch and crawls around the table on his hands and knees, their eyes never wavering. The first kiss is soft, but soon the hunger takes over and their lips and tongues and teeth connect.
Brian presses Justin back against the carpet, pushing the table away at the same time. Pencils skid and roll off the other side as he pulls Justin’s shirt off. He licks and sucks Justin’s chest, the taste of his skin making him hard and eager.
They kiss again and Justin grabs Brian’s face between his hands. He pulls away and looks up intently, eyes questioning. Brian kisses him and Justin moans low in his throat as their bodies fit together, searching.
Soon they’re both naked, and Brian swallows Justin’s cock, his teeth lightly grazing the shaft. Justin gasps and twists Brian’s hair almost painfully in his fingers as Brian sucks him deep into his throat. He starts whimpering, and Brian spreads Justin’s legs and lifts his ass up so he can taste it, his tongue finding Justin’s hole quickly.
Brian feels like he wants to devour him whole, turn him inside out. He licks and nips and pushes his tongue inside. Then he can’t wait one more second for it, and he sits up and hauls Justin’s legs up onto his shoulders. Justin’s eyes are glazed, mouth slack. Brian leans down and kisses him, Justin’s cock hard between them.
“Are you clean?”
Justin blinks up at him. “What?”
“I said, are you clean?”
“Yes.”
“Me, too. It’s been months now.”
They both breathe heavily, muscles taut and waiting.
“What are you saying?” Justin licks his lips and shakes his head a bit like he’s trying to focus.
“I’m saying it’s never half as good with anyone else as it is with you.”
Justin stares, disbelieving.
Brian’s heart pounds in his chest. He’s sure Justin can hear it. “I’m saying I’m clean and I’m going to stay that way, and I want to come inside your tight little ass.”
Justin takes in a sharp breath. “Do it. Fuck me.”
And he does. For the first time ever without a rip of plastic, he pushes inside him, and it’s so hot and wet and tight and god, god, god. They both shake and breathe and watch each other with something like awe. Brian never thought it would be like this.
Didn’t know it could.
He thrusts all the way in and leans closer, shoving Justin’s knees further into his chest. Sweat drips down Brian’s forehead and beads on Justin’s top lip as their bodies quiver and slide. Brian leans in and licks Justin’s lips slowly as he starts to move.
He can’t get over how hot it is, how the feel of skin on skin is warm and right - the way it should be, without cold latex in the way. He can’t imagine how he’s lived this long without it. His cock burns, and they both pant and moan with every thrust, eyes wide open.
He starts to pump faster, the rough friction making him groan. They kiss again and move together, Justin’s ass squeezing down, his cock leaking between them. Justin’s teeth find Brian’s lip and Brian tastes blood. Swallows it, wants more. Wants Justin’s blood, wants everything.
“Oh, God. Come inside me, Brian.”
Brian tries to make it last, but he starts to tighten and he jerks Justin as he comes, shooting long and hard. Justin throws his head back and he’s coming too, eyes finally closed, mouth gaping.
Brian lowers Justin’s legs to the floor and rests their foreheads together as they catch their breath. They lie in still silence, then he pulls out and collapses onto his side, arm draped across Justin’s chest, legs tangled.
For the first time in forever, Brian feels something that might be peace. “Damn. Should have done that a long time ago.”
Justin smiles, and looks seventeen again.