So, here comes my last story "Parental Advisory" all shined up and brand new (its about 5 pages longer now, and i think its less confusing). So...Enjoy. Comments and critiques appreciated
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What I like about this edit is that you have more detail. When I was reading I noticed that I had a better understanding of the speaker, and the atmosphere. I love your vivid descriptions! Once again fabulous job! I hope your paper receives an "A" - Jillian
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- Jillian
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