The Feat

[bianca_fiore]

Title: The Feat
Pairing: Senshi/Shitennou, but mostly Mako/Neph
Genre: Angst
Theme: None
Rating:PG
A/N: Written to help me explore a new genre of fanfiction

Comments

[lovelylytton]

I really like this. It is very poetic and you've described Makoto's despair beautifully. I hope to read more of yours in the future!

[bianca_fiore]

Thank you. It means a lot to hear that. As to the poetic-ness, I wasn't sure it would work. This was a step outside my normal writing style and I am very glad someone liked it!

[mrcrybrilliance]

I agree that this is beautiful, and I like how you captured each of the girls reactions to their (I assume) emerging memories.

The only issue I would have is that I do think that Makoto probably cried at her parents' death, being as she was fairly youngish.

[bianca_fiore]

Yes. It was the emerging memories that I was trying to capture.

Yeah, I was going for the "deep in shock" response to her parents' unfortunate demise. However, I do believe Makoto did cry afterward, and, even though the reaction as to why she didn't in the firstplace was understandable,she would regret not crying later on in life.

Thanks for your feedback though, Makoto is one of the senshi I have the hardest time writing for, so suggestions are always welcome, especially from you.:D

[luckie355]

This was so beautifully done! I love how it leaves with her looking at the stars and receiving no answers. Fantastic, really :)

[bianca_fiore]

Thank you! I like your work very much as well!

[charliechaplin2]

"But she would resent those same stars and wonder if they told had him that he was going to betray everyone he loved, and whether it would have made any difference if they had.

But unlike him, she never received any answers."

There is so much behind those sentences. They make such an impact. The perfect ending to a wonderful ficlet