Training dictated that he wasn't supposed to care and yet, care he did, and he'd already been in this situation once before enough to recall the feeling. This was almost worse. He couldn't see the loss for the guilt that first time. It was a sobering reminder that he probably wasn't all that he had tried to be for almost a year, one that left him
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"Julian Sark," he says, quietly. He jumps up, three-legged, and sits down next to him. "You are not well. Please do not move."
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Despite his words, he doesn't actually make a move to try to get up again. The pain he could deal with, but there's no real dignity in trying to fight past dizziness and nausea. He's stuck. For the moment.
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He flicks his tail. This is the problem, he's noted in the past, with not having hands. That is one distinct advantage humans have.
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"I'm fine. Really," he grumbles, too dizzy and apathetic and grief-stricken to really formulate a better argument than that. If Sam Tyler is anywhere near this room to hear that... We're sorry, Sam.
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On one level, it's an immense relief. On another... She has no way of knowing what state he might be in, and she hasn't dared look for a shadow to find out.
"...Julian?"
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God, he feels so empty. He'd welcome it if it didn't come with a side of feeling wrong. He ought to be happy to see her. He is... He thinks.
"Suzie," he responds, voice hoarse. He winces and tries to force himself to sit up a bit that neither makes him dizzy nor in pain and actually succeeds this time. "I can't say I'm particularly at my best right now."
It's both an understatement and a statement that means a great deal more. The fact is, he's worse off than he would have been with just April's death weighing on him- at least then, after the shock had worn down, he'd still be able to feel properly.
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"They were gone." There's more anger and despair under the surface of her voice than she'll let show, though someone used to reading people might just notice.
Better that he hear it from her, anyway.
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After that idiot drove through the whole lot with his bloody car, it's no wonder they scattered. Instinctively his fists clench at his sides, digging into the sheets and his expression darkens. That place should have burned and he should have been the one to do it.
At least it's a reaction, even if it's not a particularly good one.
"I told her to run while she had the chance," he sighs after a few moments of silence, finally easing up on the tension just a bit and descending back into quiet apathy. If there's one thing, he's bitter over, it's that. She could have just left him. All those months of expecting her to and then she doesn't even take the option when presented with it. "But she was brilliant until the end."
Suzie deserves to hear that much, and nothing will ever get him to tell anyone any more than that, because no one wants to know that someone they loved got trampled by a demonic carousel pony.
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But he has nothing else to do in this place, and when all else fails... well, there are infirmary supplies to tidy up, and vital signs to monitor.
And then Sark has to go and wake up, and... well, then. He snags a penlight and walks over.
"Good morning," he says, without regards to the time of day. He tells him the date, and "and you still look like shit on toast."
There's a faint note of apology to his tone, which is more than most people get from Owen, but probably not enough to many anything about the situation better. Especially as he immediately shines the penlight into Sark's eyes to check pupil dilation.
"How's the pain?"
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"All things considering, I suppose it's not the worst I've ever been in," he mutters, which isn't exactly an answer and Sark doesn't caaare. The fucking skewer incident put pain in a whole new perspective, if anything good could be said about it. "I'll live."
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So when he steps into the infirmary and walks to Sark's bed, all that comes out is a warm, solid mental presence like a hand on the shoulder. Humans. He's a sight older than any of them, and still hasn't experiences loss like this - hasn't experienced much of what they seem to go through as a matter of course. If he can, he'll let them tell him what they need. It seems easier that way.
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And then he does remember and he laughs a little, a dry, hollow sound that's only like a laugh in the vaugest sense. "You would have been proud of her, sir. Everything she could do, I had no unearthly idea she could do anything like that."
Which, okay, Ves has no idea what he's talking about, but he's not at his most coherent right now and Ves is very psychic. Sark has faith that he'll figure it out.
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It's painful. Not that much about this situation isn't; not that the Vesmier is the sort to deal with pain in any way other than locking it up where the rest of the damage is, to be unpacked and more thoroughly reckoned at a more convenient time.
"She was surprising," he says, though the mental twinge that accompanies the word surprising says so much more than the word means. And now, perhaps, in some companies, he should explain. At least offer a reason for his being here. But with Sark, it... doesn't seem quite necessary, or appropriate. He doesn't understand humans, but between Sark and April, there was almost a Time Lord.
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"Before she died, she did something to me... To my mind." He's talking slowly to make sure his words come out clear, but, really, even he doesn't know quite what she did, but it's there, he can feel it still, although it's faint. Inexpert, though it may be, it was for him. And somehow in his determination to get this across, he doesn't flinch as much when he mentions that she's dead. It almost doesn't seem real right now, even if he knows full well that it is.
He looks up at the Vesmier with an almost pleading expression. He can't explain what she did, but he can, at least, look at it, find out what it is, and maybe fix it. It's something anyway.
And somehow it doesn't even matter that the idea of someone poking around in his head sends shivers down his spine- this is important. And he trusts the Vesmier, as much as he trusts anyone, especially right
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