Fic: The Totally Unwanted Sleepover (That Ended Up Being Awesome)
Title: The Totally Unwanted Sleepover (That Ended Up Being Awesome)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~6,200
Recipient: naderegen
Spoilers/Warnings: through 2x22; language
Summary: Long story short, Finn is forced to stay at home with Kurt and Blaine while Burt and Carole go out. Shenanigans ensue.
Prompt Used: Kurt, Blaine, and Finn have the girliest sleepover.
A/N: This really got the best of me - I didn't plan it to turn out this way, but I'm rather pleased with the results. I hope you enjoy it, naderegen!
The Totally Unwanted Sleepover (That Ended Up Being Awesome)
Finn is like, all for Kurt and Blaine - they're the best couple he knows. Not to mention that Kurt totally turned him on to warm milk, which is probably the best thing below his mom, new family, and football. And Blaine is a really nice guy - he doesn't roll his eyes all the time when Finn gets confused and he even helped him with his English homework once (who would've thought you could memorize the helping verbs by singing them along to "Yankee Doodle"? It's awesome).
So yeah, Finn really likes Kurt, practically loves him like a brother, and he likes Blaine, who makes Kurt so happy that he doesn't bother slapping his hand away from the cookie jar (half the time, anyway), and is nice and helpful, like a mini-adult or teacher or something.
And since Kurt has been awesome enough to cover for Finn whenever he was at Quinn's (or Rachel's nowadays), Finn totally sat Kurt down in the spring and told him, flat out, that he was willing to do whatever for him and Blaine.
(It was more awkward than he thought it was going to be, but that's beside the point.)
However, today is not that day.
"Finn, I need you to do something for me," Burt tells Finn, looking at him with a stern expression on his face.
Knowing he's serious business, Finn plops himself on the couch next to him. "What?"
"Carole and I were just given tickets to a monster truck rally by a buddy of mine."
"Oh that's awesome," Finn says happily, knowing his mom is into that. "When are you going?"
"Tonight, actually."
Finn furrows his brow. Well this kind of sucks - they were going to have Kurt's yummy pasta with that weird, cream sauce that's actually really tasty, but Kurt says that it doesn't taste as good after a day, so he only makes it when the whole family (and maybe Blaine) is together. So does that mean he's going to have to eat that kind of gross tofu again?
"So I need you to do one thing for me," Burt says after a few seconds.
"Uh, yeah. Sure, what?"
"I need you to stay in the house."
Finn frowns in thought. Well, yeah, he was going to stay in - he has to get up kind of early tomorrow because Rachel convinced him to sing to kids in the hospital or something, so it wasn't like he was planning on going to a rager or anything.
"Yeah, okay, cool."
Burt raises his eyebrows. "I mean it, Finn. You have to stay here. No going to Puckerman's house or stopping by Artie's to play video games."
Finn nods. "I get it."
"If you don't leave the house tonight, I'll pay you forty bucks."
Finn gapes at Burt. What? Why the hell would he do that? But he's not about to look a gift in the horse's mouth or whatever that saying is, so he just nods fervently.
Burt smiles and pats him on the back. "Thanks, Finn."
Awesome. He should start comparing prices on games before dinner.
~**~
Oh, right, Blaine is supposed to come over for dinner.
Finn thinks it's kind of unfair that his mom and Burt allow Blaine to sleepover at the house even though they're boyfriends and Finn can't have Rachel stay over, but it's hard to be annoyed about it since he gets to kick Blaine's ass in Halo for half the time anyway.
So Finn doesn't really understand why Kurt is practically vibrating as he answers the door, revealing a tired and sweaty Blaine, who somehow manages to smile hugely for Kurt.
(Honestly Finn doesn't understand how Blaine can perform at Six Flags all day - it's always so hot there.)
When Blaine disappears upstairs to use the shower, Kurt practically skips into the kitchen and starts laying out the ingredients for whatever they're now eating.
Wait.
Oh my God.
He's cooking the really good meal with the chicken and the potatoes - score. This is so much better than the pasta. Now he's excited.
"Finn!" Kurt hisses, interrupting Finn from his daydream about food.
Finn stares at Kurt as he gestures for Finn to come to the kitchen. Curious, he gets to his feet and walks in, making sure to keep his distance because the last time he tried standing next to Kurt in the kitchen, the salad bowl magically fell to the ground. Finn has no idea how it happened and he thinks it's rather unfair that Kurt blamed him for it. Circumference evidence and whatnot.
"Come here," Kurt demands.
Finn rolls his eyes and stands closer to Kurt.
"So, I was thinking that you could leave at half past six and then come back at ten? They shouldn't be back until eleven, but we should be safe," Kurt whispers, glancing back and forth from the potatoes he's slicing into pieces.
"What?"
Kurt rolls his eyes. "My dad and your mom are leaving us alone for hours. They're still letting Blaine come over, so you have to leave too."
Normally, Finn would totally say yes and get out - they really deserve time alone and stuff since they only have the summer together before they have to do the long distance thing again. But then he remembers his promise to Burt about staying in the house.
…OH, that's why.
"I can't, dude, I promised your dad that I'd stick around," Finn murmurs.
Kurt freezes with his slicing and stares at Finn in a menacing manner. "What?"
"He told me to stay home!"
"You do realize you can lie, right? You will be staying home…just for one hour as opposed to five," Kurt scoffs.
"But Kurt…he knows."
"Knows what?"
"He knows when I lie! He was totally able to tell when I didn't clean my room last week."
"That's because you never clean your room, Finn. It wasn't so far off the mark for him to consider the possibility of your not cleaning it after your mom asked you to."
Finn fidgets. "I can't leave."
Kurt sets his jaw and is about to lash out at Finn, but thankfully, Burt and his mom come down the stairs.
"Hey, Mom! Burt!" Finn greets them with forced cheer. "Getting ready to go?"
"Yeah - Joe and Sarah are picking us up," Burt answers, glancing between the two boys. "You guys okay?"
"Fine!" Kurt chimes in and Finn suddenly doesn't want them to leave - Kurt is probably going to stab him with that knife once they do.
"I can help you with the salad," Carole offers.
Grateful for their presence in the kitchen, Finn hightails it out of there to join Burt in the family room, collapsing on the couch.
"Can't wait for football to start - baseball gets dull after a while," Burt mutters as he turns on the TV, flipping through stations.
Finn nods in agreement.
Blaine eventually comes down the stairs without set of footsteps that Finn has grown increasingly used to differentiating between everyone else's. It's like Blaine half lives here, which is kind of cool. His hair is wet but curly, which Finn will never quite get over because how does he manage to glue it down everyday? He waves and smiles tiredly at Finn and Burt.
"Anything good?" Blaine asks, stopping so he's standing by Finn.
"Braves and Pirates game tonight," Burt answers.
Blaine scrunches his face. "I miss football."
"Don't we all."
Blaine grins.
"Blaine, did you eat dinner already?" Carole asks from the kitchen.
"Yeah, one of those disgusting corndogs?" Kurt adds in disgust.
Finn groans. "Dude, you totally should've gotten me one."
Blaine puts a hand to his stomach. "No, but I'm regretting now - I'm ravenous. Sorry, Finn."
"I apologize, I was only planning for two since I thought you ate," Kurt says lightly and Finn knows it's BS - Kurt was totally planning on cooking for two and leaving Finn out to fend for himself! The jerk. "So I guess one of you has to go hungry and it's rude to not feed the guest."
"Blaine's barely a guest here, come on!" Finn retorts.
Blaine carefully eyes between Finn and Kurt for a few moments before inhaling in realization. Finn kind of feels like a douche because he's going to be the biggest cockblock ever - he does truly feel bad about that - but Burt can be the scariest person in the world and if Finn were to leave them alone and Burt were to find out? Both Kurt and Finn would be grounded until like, the end of summer and that would suck.
"Well, we could always order pizza," Blaine offers politely.
Finn sighs in relief.
"Hm."
"Oh, come on, Kurt, you can order veggie," Blaine says with a laugh.
"But we're ordering extra cheese, right?" Finn murmurs to Blaine.
"Of course we are," Blaine whispers back with a brisk nod.
"I can hear you two plotting to clog your arteries with disgusting fat!" Kurt calls out.
Blaine rolls his eyes but he smiles fondly, which really convinces Finn that he must love his stepbrother a lot.
There's a series of honks from the driveway, which gets Burt onto his feet and Carole to rush out of the kitchen with Kurt trailing behind as he wipes his hands on a towel.
"Okay boys, we'll be back before midnight," Burt tells him as Carole slips on a pair of sandals. "Nobody is sharing any beds while we're gone," he continues, staring pointedly at Blaine, who's flushed and look up at the ceiling, and Kurt, who's rolling his eyes.
"That was once, Dad."
"No, that was three times, not including the times when I didn't catch you."
Finn can't help it - he snorts. Kurt and Blaine always manage to fall asleep together like little kids. And Blaine is the most incoherent person ever after waking up - he's even slower than Finn is, which is a feat.
Kurt shoots Finn a nasty glare. "Fine," he says reluctantly to Burt.
Burt nods and adds, "Call us if you need anything."
Carole reaches into her purse and hands Kurt some bills. "For the pizza since we ruined your lovely meal plans."
Another set of honks.
"Alright, alright," Burt mutters, grabbing Carole's hand as they walk out of the house.
Once the door slams shut, Kurt rounds on Finn. "Okay, why can't you leave for a few hours?" he demands.
"May we remind you that we lied for your sake the other week when we were at the mall in Columbus?" Blaine points out before yawning.
"Because your dad is paying me to stay here, okay? It's not like I want to be here," Finn blurts out.
Kurt and Blaine stare at Finn for a really long time - it makes Finn want to hide behind the couch. Why aren't they saying anything?
"You're cashing in on being a cockblock," Kurt states without emotion and wow, Finn did not think Kurt was capable of saying anything remotely dirty like that. He sneaks a glance at Blaine, whose eyes are wide and ugh, Finn doesn't want to see this. It was bad enough when Santana and Puck were hooking up all the time and seeing it here is just not okay, especially from a brother's standpoint.
"I could, like…hang down here and you guys could go upstairs -" Finn offers, but is interrupted by a groan.
"Finn," Kurt says exasperatingly. "No. Because if we go upstairs, you're just going to assume and it's wrong and just -" He freezes, his breath hitching before a crazy glint shines in his eyes and oh god, Finn should probably be running right now. "Maybe we can lock you in the garage," Kurt mutters to himself.
Blaine's jaw drops, but he's trying so hard to hold back a smile. They're going to attack him.
"No! Come on, man!" Finn yells, getting to his feet and setting his feet apart in a defensive stance. "It's not my fault your dad threatened me!"
"Kurt, can we just order the pizza and calm down? My stomach is eating itself," Blaine says all cool and calm, clearly not caring about Finn right now.
Did Finn say he liked Blaine? He lied - Blaine is total a jerk.
Kurt glances between the two of them and sighs dramatically. "Fine. Order."
Blaine smiles and walks over to the kitchen, but not before pecking Kurt on the cheek, which makes Kurt loosen up.
Finn is in for the longest, most awkward, worst night of his life.
~**~
It's been thirty minutes and they've been waiting for the pizza to arrive while watching TV.
Well, Blaine is asleep on Kurt's shoulder as Kurt violently changes the channel with his free arm and Finn has been keeping an eye on Kurt, hoping that he won't go into a crazy rage.
"I still hate you," Kurt whispers with a glare at Finn.
"I said I was sorry!"
Kurt brings a finger to his lips, gesturing for Finn to be quiet as he nods toward Blaine.
"Oh come on, he sleeps through everything. He's so screwed when there's a zombie apocalypse."
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "When?"
"It's totally happening. Puck and I are ready for this," Finn answers quite seriously. He and Puck have spent hours coming up with possible weapons and drawing escape routes. They have multiple safe spots marked on a map of the U.S. in Finn's room.
Kurt mouths oh my god and rolls his eyes.
Right then, the doorbell rings twice.
"Finn, go get the pizza. Make sure to tip ten percent," Kurt tells Finn.
Finn groans. "I can't do math - why can't you?"
Kurt gestures to Blaine with his free arm with a duh expression on his face. Grumbling, Finn gets to his feet, takes the cash on the counter and answers the door.
He ends up bringing the bill to Kurt because damn it, Finn is bad at this kind of stuff - there's a reason why he's in the lowest math class. Once he pays the delivery guy, Finn brings the boxes into the kitchen.
"Shouldn't we wake him?" He asks, popping his head out of the kitchen to point to Blaine who is still sleeping soundly on Kurt.
Kurt shakes his head enough so he won't disturb Blaine. "I'll let him nap for another fifteen - he's exhausted."
Finn thinks Kurt sounds like a wife. Or a married person in general. Anyway, it's not normal, teenager stuff, which is kind of creepy, but at the same time, it looks really nice and easy.
"I'll wait too," Finn decides as he walks back into the living room and takes his seat.
Kurt smiles at him for the first time today.
~**~
"This is crazy."
"Come on, Finn, it's really good," Blaine urges Finn before taking a large bite of a slice.
"Pizza and fruit shouldn't mix. It's wrong."
"Well that's being a food racist."
"Really, Blaine? Food racist?"
"Shut up, you know what I mean. Shouldn't mix - being wrong. It makes sense."
Kurt sighs. "I question your brain."
"So says the one who doesn't like his green and orange food touching."
"Those colors just don't work together, Blaine, I don't want to see it. It makes me sick."
Finn ignores their bickering and looks down at his pizza. That has bits of pineapple on it, ruining the glorious amount of cheese. Why did Blaine order such a thing?
"Oh for god's sake, just eat the damn thing," Kurt snaps. "It's either that or the tofu."
Finn cannot pick up the pizza and stuff half of it in his mouth fast enough.
…Wait.
"Wait…" Finn says with a mouthful, chewing on it for a minute. "This is…really weird."
"Take a few more bites to get acclimated to the taste," Blaine suggests.
Against Finn's better judgment, Finn follows Blaine's advice and keeps eating.
Shit, this is kind of awesome in the strangest way possible.
"I knew he'd like it, you owe me," Blaine exclaims, grinning at Kurt, who looks like he sucked on something sour.
"It's gross," Kurt insists.
"Totally not though," Finn points out.
"See? I knew it. You owe me a coffee and a cookie everyday for a week," Blaine says in a singsong voice.
Kurt rips the crust off his slice of pizza with more force than necessary. "Fine. Next time we're getting Puck to eat and there's no way in hell he'll go for it."
"You totally tricked me into eating this!" Finn says, pointing at Blaine with his half-eaten slice.
Blaine smiles apologetically. "But you like it!"
…True.
Finn and Kurt grumble into their food as Blaine hums happily to himself.
~**~
"Since we're going to be spending the evening together, should we pick a movie to watch or something?" Blaine asks once he finishes his third slice of pizza.
Kurt pauses in his chewing for a few seconds. Then he gets a maniacal glint in his eye again. "Blaine and I were going to watch Titanic."
Blaine furrows his brow at Kurt. "No we wer-" Blaine chokes on his pizza suddenly and reaches below him, wincing.
"We were totally going to watch it. Not your cup of tea, unfortunately," Kurt continues with a bright smile.
Finn grimaces. He knows that's like, the ultimate love story or whatever. Rachel mentioned once that if there were ever a musical of Titanic, she'd make the best Rose. But honestly, Finn doesn't see the resemblance between Kate Winslet and Rachel. For one, Kate Winslet has bigger boobs. Wait, doesn't Kate Winslet get naked in that movie? He's pretty sure that's the one…why hasn't he seen it?
"I've never seen it," Finn answers, causing Kurt's jaw to drop out of shock at such a response, or just disbelief that he hasn't seen such a popular movie.
For Blaine, his expression was referring to the latter. "How can you have not seen Titanic? It's a classic of our generation!" he sputters.
Finn shrugs. "I mean…it's really a movie that girls tend to like."
"Except Kate Winslet gets naked in it - every straight boy claims to only see it for that scene. Even though I suspect they secretly appreciate Leonardo DiCaprio's face since his acting was considerably underwhelming in comparison to his later films. And who can deny such a love story?"
Finn and Kurt stare at Blaine with blank expressions.
"Somehow…that statement managed to come off as painfully straight, gay, and stupidly intelligent," Kurt finally says while shaking his head, taking another bite of his pizza.
Blaine shoves Kurt, but he's shaking his head and laughing to himself.
"Do you even own it?" Finn asks Kurt.
Kurt flushes a little before stammering, "I only own it because of Blaine! He bullied me into it."
"Kurt, it was ten bucks on sale and you were over the moon about it, don't even," Blaine retorts, scandalized. He directs his attention to Finn. "We're going to watch it and you're going to love it."
Finn sincerely doubts that because what's so great about a love story on a boat? Maybe if it had T-Pain and Saturday Night Live on it, it would be different. But he doubts that since this movie is supposed to take place in the 1700s or something.
"If I hate it I'm going up to my room," Finn finally says, doubting he'll last more than twenty minutes.
~**~
"I thought you said Kate Winslet was hot in this movie!"
Kurt hits his forehead with the palm of his hand. "That's not Kate Winslet! Are you blind?"
"But -"
"Kate Winslet's character is also played by Gloria Stuart - she's retelling the sinking of the Titanic." Blaine brings a hand to his heart. "May she rest in peace."
"Dude, spoilers!"
"I meant Gloria Stuart," Blaine corrects patiently. "She died last year. Was a hundred years old. Felt like a grandparent dying."
Kurt nods in sympathy.
They're so weird, Finn thinks to himself as he focuses back on the screen again. Kate Winslet better come up soon or he's dropping this movie.
~**~
"Isn't that the actress from that movie with the writer and the kidnapping and the breaking of the legs?" Finn asks, pointing towards Kathy Bates.
"Yes, that would be her," Kurt answers.
"She scares me."
"Well she's good in this movie, so relax, she's not a psycho."
"Fine, yeesh."
~**~
"What a jerk!" Finn states angrily once Cal leaves Rose and the collapsed table. "This guy is such a douche bag! Jack needs to come in and beat his ass."
Kurt is hiding his mouth behind his hand, his shoulders shaking as Blaine nods at Finn. "Just wait, he gets worse."
"He gets worse?!"
"Just keep watching."
How did Finn get sucked in again?
~**~
During Kate Winslet's "big naked scene," Finn finds himself first being mesmerized by her boobs because, come on, they're great. But then he kind of gets wrapped up in the actual story and not really putting (too much) thought into how awesome it would be to feel them.
"If only I could draw like that," Kurt bemoans as the movie pans to Jack drawing Rose.
"Oh hush, your sketches are fantastic. Better than my stick people, anyway," Blaine counters.
"Wait, you draw?" Finn asks Kurt, surprised.
"Well, yeah, how else do I plan and create my fabulous outfits?" Kurt retorts with a duh expression on his face. Finn gets that a lot from Kurt.
"That's really cool."
Kurt beams.
"I always thought you were pretending to do homework or something since who actually writes out essays?"
Kurt rolls his eyes and shakes his head before nodding towards Blaine. "This one does."
"What? Blaine, pause the movie!"
Blaine sighs, but he's smiling and his cheeks are pink as he pauses the movie.
"Why would you handwrite essays? We don't live in the rock ages -"
"It's stone ages, Finn."
"Rock, stone, same thing!"
Kurt just shakes his head.
Blaine shrugs. "I tend to focus more when I handwrite. The internet can be very distracting. Can't afford to procrastinate at Dalton."
Finn remembers Kurt locking himself in his room for most of the winter, drowning in homework, so Finn is so glad that he never had to experience that - he'd probably fail after the first day.
"You should come to McKinley - less homework!" Finn jokes.
"Yeah, he should," Kurt agrees, surprisingly, shooting Blaine a look that Finn doesn't understand.
Blaine and Kurt continue to stare at each other with meaning, which bores Finn. "Play the movie!"
~**~
"Are there tears in your eyes, Finn?" Kurt asks gleefully as Rose in the lifeboat is lowered to the ocean.
"No! I'm fine! Leave me alone!"
It's sad, okay? With the fireworks behind Jack and the music and it's really fucking sad.
~**~
"I didn't think he'd really get worse!" Finn exclaims in a shrilly voice as he watches Jack and Rose waddle their way through the sinking ship as Cal continues to shoot at them. "I hope they don't die!"
Kurt starts to say something, but Blaine places a hand on Kurt's arm. "Just let him watch. No point in correcting him."
Finn's totally following this movie; he has no idea what they're talking about.
~**~
"THERE'S ROOM ON THAT DOOR - SHE CAN TOTALLY SCOOCH OVER FOR HIM!" Finn yells, half off the couch as he gestures to the TV with both his hands. "This is bullshit!"
Kurt and Blaine nod in agreement.
"It still pisses me off, to be honest," Blaine admits.
"Just so you know, if we ever get into a situation like this, we're switching who gets to be on the door," Kurt informs Blaine.
"I don't think we'll ever find ourselves on a cruise line that doesn't have lifeboats for everyone on board, thanks to this disaster, but noted."
~**~
"'I'll never let go, I promise.'"
A horrible choking noise interrupts the silence in the room.
Fuck, Finn internally berates himself as he fists his eyes to stop the tears from escaping.
"Everyone cries the first time," Blaine says in a comforting way.
"Or the first five," Kurt mutters, making Blaine smile at him and wrap his arm more tightly around him.
Now Finn really wishes he had Rachel with him or something - he could use a cuddle right about now.
~**~
"Why didn't you guys warn me about how freaking sad that movie was?" Finn says as soon as the credits start rolling. He focuses on the names that pass by because he doesn't want a repeat of earlier with the crying.
"Who doesn't know that Titanic is a sad movie? Everyone knows what happens in the end!" Kurt says with a huff, getting to his feet to take out the DVD.
"It's James Cameron - I thought it'd be like Avatar!"
"Thank god it isn't," Kurt mutters.
"You bite your tongue - Avatar was a great movie," Blaine says, bringing a hand to his heart.
"Hell yeah it was," Finn agrees. "I have it in 3D."
Blaine's eyes light up. "Really? Can we -"
"No," Kurt interrupts them. "We just watched this three-hour movie, we're not watching another one."
Finn and Blaine pout at the same time and cross their arms, which Finn finds kind of creepy. Blaine must think the same because he immediately drops his arms and brings his hand to scratch the back of his head.
"So what should we do instead?" Blaine asks.
Everyone in the room thinks for a few seconds.
"We could play video games," Finn suggests.
"No."
"I just got my ass whooped yesterday by the Warblers - I'm not touching video games for a while."
Silence again.
"We could bake something?" Blaine tries.
"You mean I could bake something," Kurt corrects dryly.
"Would you?" Finn asks with a big grin.
Blaine is smart and starts grinning along with Finn, staring at Kurt with unashamed hope in their eyes.
Kurt groans. "Low fat cookies. Low. Fat." He stalks into the kitchen. "Nobody is to come in and yes, Blaine, that includes you!"
Blaine, who was halfway off his spot on the couch, plops back down.
And that's when Finn is hit with the most awesome, greatest idea in the universe. He has his moments and this is certainly one of them.
Finn glances into the kitchen and when he's satisfied that Kurt is lost in own world as he bakes, Finn shuffles to the couch to take Kurt's spot.
Blaine tilts his head to the side in confusion.
"Dude, we should totally build a pillow fort," Finn whispers.
Blaine's eyes flicker to the kitchen before he whispers back, "Where would we get the pillows, though? We need more than the couch and the armchair."
"We could use my pillows and we have some extra sheets in the line drawer."
"Linen drawer."
"Yeah, that. And…I don't know. Take Kurt's! He has a million."
Blaine bites his bottom lip in thought and Finn doesn't really blame him - Kurt is really protective of his bed and room in general. Finn isn't allowed to walk inside unless his shoes are off, which is stupid.
"What the hell, let's do it."
~**~
Finn may not do well in Spanish or Math, or any class for that matter, but he is a beast at building pillow forts.
"I have to send Puck a picture - he's going to be so jealous," Finn whispers, pulling out his phone.
"This is actually the most quality fort I've ever seen outside of a picture," Blaine states as he takes out his phone. "Totally my new wallpaper."
"What are you guys giggling about."
Finn and Blaine whip their heads to the entranceway to see Kurt holding a tray with cookies and three glasses of milk, an eyebrow raised.
Finn watches with a mix of amusement and horror as Kurt takes in the sheets draping from the upturned couch pillows to the blankets and the smaller pillows from Finn's and Kurt's rooms underneath to Blaine's face, which looks borderline angelic, the jerk. Finn's pretty sure he looks guilty.
Just when Finn thinks Kurt is going to explode and screech really loudly, Kurt says, "Impressive. Although you better watch it, Finn. If you knock into the walls then the entire thing will collapse."
Blaine laughs, breaking the moment of tension and causing Finn to smile.
"But, I have to ask since I've never been in a pillow fort," Kurt continues, which breaks Finn's heart - what kind of kid has a childhood without building a pillow fort? Finn sneaks a glance at Blaine and oh, he definitely noticed too. "What exactly do you do in a pillow fort?"
Blaine walks over to Kurt, taking the tray from Kurt's hands and places it on the coffee table that they pushed to the side in order to build the fort. Then he comes back to lace his hands with Kurt's. "It can only be experienced, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says in an intense and quiet voice, making Finn feel like he's intruding on something really private - it's almost worse than walking in on them making out (which only happened once and it was awkward as hell, never to be repeated again).
"Can we eat before the milk gets cold?" Finn blurts, feeling like a bit of a jackass for ruining the moment, but at the same time…it's awkward for him, okay?
Kurt and Blaine blush and let go of their hands, which Finn doesn't want at all because they can't do it outside - they should be able to do it inside without thought. He considers going over to them and bringing their hands together again, but he doesn't.
"Warm milk?" Blaine says, scrunching his nose.
"You just don't like it because it knocks you out like a baby," Kurt says fondly, pinching one of Blaine's cheeks.
Blaine knocks Kurt's hand away with a laugh, but he keeps hold of it.
~**~
"Too bad we can't do 'light as a feather, stiff as a board' - we don't have enough people," Blaine says as he takes his second cookie.
"What the heck is that?" Finn asks with a mouthful of cookie.
Kurt gapes at him. "What?"
"Well, to be fair, I think that's more of a Girl Scout thing - I only know about it because of Nick's younger sister," Blaine points out, dipping a cookie into his cold milk.
"One day when we have more people over, we'll test it," Kurt tells Finn. "I'm sure there's some scientific reasoning behind it, but it's really incredible."
"But what is it?"
"Basically, one person lies on their back and at least four people are around that person with two or so fingers underneath the body. Then they chant 'light as a feather, still as a board' and try to lift the body. It usually works," Blaine explains.
Finn's eyes are as wide as silver dollars. "A-Are you serious? That's so freaky! We should like, call everyone and try it right now!"
"Finn, we're not calling people at ten at night on a Friday to come over. They'll ignore us."
Finn doesn't want to admit that's true, so he just takes a large gulp of warm milk. "What can we do then?" Finn asks, changing the topic of conversation.
"Well…" Blaine starts thoughtfully, chewing for a few seconds before swallowing. "We could always prank call."
"…Are you joking?" Kurt asks flatly.
Finn, however, starts to get excited. "Yes."
~**~
"We're just going to call a random number and prank them," Kurt states as they pour over the white pages of the phonebook.
"We could do that or someone you know. Like your neighbor or something," Blaine suggests with a shrug.
"Yeah, let's call Mrs. McCarthy!"
"Finn, we can't just -"
Too late - Finn is already dialing her number with the house phone.
"Wait, Finn," Blaine starts, but Finn already has the phone up to his ear, a giddy grin on his face.
It rings three times before she answers with, "Hello?"
"H-Hey…is your refrigerator running?" Finn asks, practically shaking with excitement.
"…Finn?"
"What? N-No, this isn't Finn."
"But -"
"You were supposed to yes and then I was supposed to say, 'Well you better go catch it!' and then I'd hang up!"
Blaine and Kurt stare at Finn with blank expressions, which Finn ignores because he hates when they do that.
"Finn? Is that you?"
Not knowing what to do he freezes. "…Wellyoubettergocatchit," he mutters, hanging up.
Silence.
"Finn…have you ever prank called anyone…ever?" Blaine asks amiably, but he's so obviously holding back laughter.
Kurt is still staring at Finn like the way Quinn used to glare at him whenever he did something she thought was stupid. Which was a lot of time, actually.
"Here, allow me," Blaine says, plucking the phone from Finn's loose grasp.
"Come on, Blaine, what are you, nine?"
"Oh hush. Do either of you have Mr. Schue's number?"
"Oh!" Finn exclaims, laughing as he pulls out his cell phone. "I do!"
"We're not prank calling Mr. Schue!" Kurt hisses, lurching over to grab the phone from Blaine, but he brings a hand to Kurt's chest.
"You'll knock down the fort!" Blaine warms him with a happy smile on his face.
Kurt falls back and pouts, his glaring being directed towards Blaine and Finn in alternations.
Finn gives Blaine Mr. Schue's number and tries not to giggle like a little girl, although judging by the way Kurt is now focusing his glaring on Finn, he probably wasn't very successful.
"First, you need to do star-sixty-nine before the number so the person getting the call won't be able to get caller ID," Blaine explains after he brings the phone to his ear.
Oh crap, Finn should've remembered that.
Blaine's smilingly pleasantly as he apparently waits for Mr. Schue to answer the phone.
"Oh, hello, am I speaking to Mr. Schuester?" Blaine asks in a surprisingly deep voice, sounding at least ten years older. Pause. "Hello, I am Steven Ross with Wondrous Locks, a burgeoning new hair gel company, looking for a local celebrity to endorse our products…would you possibly be interested?"
Holy shit.
Kurt seems to think the same because his jaw looks almost unhinged.
"Yes, I'll wait." After a few seconds, Blaine quirks his head to the side in confusion. "Who's Emma?" he whispers to Kurt, a hand over the receiver.
"What?" Kurt screeches. "Hang up, hang up!"
"Wait, what?" Finn asks.
Kurt reaches over to Blaine, hangs up, and throws the phone away from them. "Did you say Emma?"
"Yeah, who's that?" Blaine asks.
"Emma Pillsbury, our guidance counselor," Kurt whispers, even though it's impossible for Mr. Schue to hear.
Wait.
"Ew, what the hell?" Finn grimaces.
"I can't believe this - when could've that happened? They were so awkward during school," Kurt says, crossing his legs as he leans in.
"The guidance counselor? Wait…isn't she married to the John Stamos look alike?" Blaine asks, mimicking Kurt's position and Finn suddenly realizes that from the outside, they must look like a group of gossiping middle school girls.
"They were, but they annulled the marriage."
"Poor guy wasn't getting any," Finn says thoughtfully. "Makes sense."
Kurt and Blaine groan. "Gross," Kurt bemoans.
"If you're married to a John Stamos look alike, how could you not?" Blaine asks, his face a mix between surprised, disgusted, and offended. Finn doesn't think he's ever heard Blaine sound so…gay? Not in a bad way, just…flam…bouy? Something about floating. Yeah.
Kurt looks up and nods thoughtfully. "Very true. He was attractive. Shame."
Finn cannot believe that they can talk about other guys and not get annoyed at each other. That's so cool.
If there's one thing Finn learned tonight is that Kurt and Blaine are two peas in a blanket and they rock.
~**~
A rerun of Saturday Night Live is on, the volume low as Finn, Kurt, and Blaine are under the fort, on the brink of sleep.
Well, Finn is on the brink of sleep - Kurt is asleep, his head tucked in the crook of Blaine's neck. He's not quite sure about the status of Blaine.
"I had fun."
Well, that answers Finn's question.
"Me too," Finn admits, rolling his head over to grin sleepily at Blaine. "Sorry I messed up your plans, though."
Blaine hums. "I'm sure we'll find a way for you to make it up to us," he teases before yawning. "I should probably move - Burt will probably maim me if he catches us again," he says sadly, trying to find the energy to sit up.
Finn moves his arm so it taps Blaine's side. "Don't worry about it - I'll stay here and be a creepy third wheel."
Blaine smiles, closing his eyes. "That's a start, I guess."
Finn watches Blaine tighten his hold around Kurt's waist and turn his head away from him. Satisfied, Finn curls away from them and shuts his eyes.
~**~
"…Can't just let them…"
"…Can, it's fine…take it down…"
"No, don'take down," Finn slurs, trying to open his eyes.
"Go back to sleep, Finn," his mom says in that soft voice hers, like when he was six and falling asleep on the couch as he waited for his mom to come back from her night shifts at the hospital.
"'Kay."
Finn rolls his head over and he can vaguely make out Blaine and Kurt, pretty much in the same positions that they were in when he first fell asleep. Smiling, he gets himself comfortable and falls asleep again.
(This was kind of one of the best nights of the summer ever.)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~6,200
Recipient: naderegen
Spoilers/Warnings: through 2x22; language
Summary: Long story short, Finn is forced to stay at home with Kurt and Blaine while Burt and Carole go out. Shenanigans ensue.
Prompt Used: Kurt, Blaine, and Finn have the girliest sleepover.
A/N: This really got the best of me - I didn't plan it to turn out this way, but I'm rather pleased with the results. I hope you enjoy it, naderegen!
The Totally Unwanted Sleepover (That Ended Up Being Awesome)
Finn is like, all for Kurt and Blaine - they're the best couple he knows. Not to mention that Kurt totally turned him on to warm milk, which is probably the best thing below his mom, new family, and football. And Blaine is a really nice guy - he doesn't roll his eyes all the time when Finn gets confused and he even helped him with his English homework once (who would've thought you could memorize the helping verbs by singing them along to "Yankee Doodle"? It's awesome).
So yeah, Finn really likes Kurt, practically loves him like a brother, and he likes Blaine, who makes Kurt so happy that he doesn't bother slapping his hand away from the cookie jar (half the time, anyway), and is nice and helpful, like a mini-adult or teacher or something.
And since Kurt has been awesome enough to cover for Finn whenever he was at Quinn's (or Rachel's nowadays), Finn totally sat Kurt down in the spring and told him, flat out, that he was willing to do whatever for him and Blaine.
(It was more awkward than he thought it was going to be, but that's beside the point.)
However, today is not that day.
"Finn, I need you to do something for me," Burt tells Finn, looking at him with a stern expression on his face.
Knowing he's serious business, Finn plops himself on the couch next to him. "What?"
"Carole and I were just given tickets to a monster truck rally by a buddy of mine."
"Oh that's awesome," Finn says happily, knowing his mom is into that. "When are you going?"
"Tonight, actually."
Finn furrows his brow. Well this kind of sucks - they were going to have Kurt's yummy pasta with that weird, cream sauce that's actually really tasty, but Kurt says that it doesn't taste as good after a day, so he only makes it when the whole family (and maybe Blaine) is together. So does that mean he's going to have to eat that kind of gross tofu again?
"So I need you to do one thing for me," Burt says after a few seconds.
"Uh, yeah. Sure, what?"
"I need you to stay in the house."
Finn frowns in thought. Well, yeah, he was going to stay in - he has to get up kind of early tomorrow because Rachel convinced him to sing to kids in the hospital or something, so it wasn't like he was planning on going to a rager or anything.
"Yeah, okay, cool."
Burt raises his eyebrows. "I mean it, Finn. You have to stay here. No going to Puckerman's house or stopping by Artie's to play video games."
Finn nods. "I get it."
"If you don't leave the house tonight, I'll pay you forty bucks."
Finn gapes at Burt. What? Why the hell would he do that? But he's not about to look a gift in the horse's mouth or whatever that saying is, so he just nods fervently.
Burt smiles and pats him on the back. "Thanks, Finn."
Awesome. He should start comparing prices on games before dinner.
~**~
Oh, right, Blaine is supposed to come over for dinner.
Finn thinks it's kind of unfair that his mom and Burt allow Blaine to sleepover at the house even though they're boyfriends and Finn can't have Rachel stay over, but it's hard to be annoyed about it since he gets to kick Blaine's ass in Halo for half the time anyway.
So Finn doesn't really understand why Kurt is practically vibrating as he answers the door, revealing a tired and sweaty Blaine, who somehow manages to smile hugely for Kurt.
(Honestly Finn doesn't understand how Blaine can perform at Six Flags all day - it's always so hot there.)
When Blaine disappears upstairs to use the shower, Kurt practically skips into the kitchen and starts laying out the ingredients for whatever they're now eating.
Wait.
Oh my God.
He's cooking the really good meal with the chicken and the potatoes - score. This is so much better than the pasta. Now he's excited.
"Finn!" Kurt hisses, interrupting Finn from his daydream about food.
Finn stares at Kurt as he gestures for Finn to come to the kitchen. Curious, he gets to his feet and walks in, making sure to keep his distance because the last time he tried standing next to Kurt in the kitchen, the salad bowl magically fell to the ground. Finn has no idea how it happened and he thinks it's rather unfair that Kurt blamed him for it. Circumference evidence and whatnot.
"Come here," Kurt demands.
Finn rolls his eyes and stands closer to Kurt.
"So, I was thinking that you could leave at half past six and then come back at ten? They shouldn't be back until eleven, but we should be safe," Kurt whispers, glancing back and forth from the potatoes he's slicing into pieces.
"What?"
Kurt rolls his eyes. "My dad and your mom are leaving us alone for hours. They're still letting Blaine come over, so you have to leave too."
Normally, Finn would totally say yes and get out - they really deserve time alone and stuff since they only have the summer together before they have to do the long distance thing again. But then he remembers his promise to Burt about staying in the house.
…OH, that's why.
"I can't, dude, I promised your dad that I'd stick around," Finn murmurs.
Kurt freezes with his slicing and stares at Finn in a menacing manner. "What?"
"He told me to stay home!"
"You do realize you can lie, right? You will be staying home…just for one hour as opposed to five," Kurt scoffs.
"But Kurt…he knows."
"Knows what?"
"He knows when I lie! He was totally able to tell when I didn't clean my room last week."
"That's because you never clean your room, Finn. It wasn't so far off the mark for him to consider the possibility of your not cleaning it after your mom asked you to."
Finn fidgets. "I can't leave."
Kurt sets his jaw and is about to lash out at Finn, but thankfully, Burt and his mom come down the stairs.
"Hey, Mom! Burt!" Finn greets them with forced cheer. "Getting ready to go?"
"Yeah - Joe and Sarah are picking us up," Burt answers, glancing between the two boys. "You guys okay?"
"Fine!" Kurt chimes in and Finn suddenly doesn't want them to leave - Kurt is probably going to stab him with that knife once they do.
"I can help you with the salad," Carole offers.
Grateful for their presence in the kitchen, Finn hightails it out of there to join Burt in the family room, collapsing on the couch.
"Can't wait for football to start - baseball gets dull after a while," Burt mutters as he turns on the TV, flipping through stations.
Finn nods in agreement.
Blaine eventually comes down the stairs without set of footsteps that Finn has grown increasingly used to differentiating between everyone else's. It's like Blaine half lives here, which is kind of cool. His hair is wet but curly, which Finn will never quite get over because how does he manage to glue it down everyday? He waves and smiles tiredly at Finn and Burt.
"Anything good?" Blaine asks, stopping so he's standing by Finn.
"Braves and Pirates game tonight," Burt answers.
Blaine scrunches his face. "I miss football."
"Don't we all."
Blaine grins.
"Blaine, did you eat dinner already?" Carole asks from the kitchen.
"Yeah, one of those disgusting corndogs?" Kurt adds in disgust.
Finn groans. "Dude, you totally should've gotten me one."
Blaine puts a hand to his stomach. "No, but I'm regretting now - I'm ravenous. Sorry, Finn."
"I apologize, I was only planning for two since I thought you ate," Kurt says lightly and Finn knows it's BS - Kurt was totally planning on cooking for two and leaving Finn out to fend for himself! The jerk. "So I guess one of you has to go hungry and it's rude to not feed the guest."
"Blaine's barely a guest here, come on!" Finn retorts.
Blaine carefully eyes between Finn and Kurt for a few moments before inhaling in realization. Finn kind of feels like a douche because he's going to be the biggest cockblock ever - he does truly feel bad about that - but Burt can be the scariest person in the world and if Finn were to leave them alone and Burt were to find out? Both Kurt and Finn would be grounded until like, the end of summer and that would suck.
"Well, we could always order pizza," Blaine offers politely.
Finn sighs in relief.
"Hm."
"Oh, come on, Kurt, you can order veggie," Blaine says with a laugh.
"But we're ordering extra cheese, right?" Finn murmurs to Blaine.
"Of course we are," Blaine whispers back with a brisk nod.
"I can hear you two plotting to clog your arteries with disgusting fat!" Kurt calls out.
Blaine rolls his eyes but he smiles fondly, which really convinces Finn that he must love his stepbrother a lot.
There's a series of honks from the driveway, which gets Burt onto his feet and Carole to rush out of the kitchen with Kurt trailing behind as he wipes his hands on a towel.
"Okay boys, we'll be back before midnight," Burt tells him as Carole slips on a pair of sandals. "Nobody is sharing any beds while we're gone," he continues, staring pointedly at Blaine, who's flushed and look up at the ceiling, and Kurt, who's rolling his eyes.
"That was once, Dad."
"No, that was three times, not including the times when I didn't catch you."
Finn can't help it - he snorts. Kurt and Blaine always manage to fall asleep together like little kids. And Blaine is the most incoherent person ever after waking up - he's even slower than Finn is, which is a feat.
Kurt shoots Finn a nasty glare. "Fine," he says reluctantly to Burt.
Burt nods and adds, "Call us if you need anything."
Carole reaches into her purse and hands Kurt some bills. "For the pizza since we ruined your lovely meal plans."
Another set of honks.
"Alright, alright," Burt mutters, grabbing Carole's hand as they walk out of the house.
Once the door slams shut, Kurt rounds on Finn. "Okay, why can't you leave for a few hours?" he demands.
"May we remind you that we lied for your sake the other week when we were at the mall in Columbus?" Blaine points out before yawning.
"Because your dad is paying me to stay here, okay? It's not like I want to be here," Finn blurts out.
Kurt and Blaine stare at Finn for a really long time - it makes Finn want to hide behind the couch. Why aren't they saying anything?
"You're cashing in on being a cockblock," Kurt states without emotion and wow, Finn did not think Kurt was capable of saying anything remotely dirty like that. He sneaks a glance at Blaine, whose eyes are wide and ugh, Finn doesn't want to see this. It was bad enough when Santana and Puck were hooking up all the time and seeing it here is just not okay, especially from a brother's standpoint.
"I could, like…hang down here and you guys could go upstairs -" Finn offers, but is interrupted by a groan.
"Finn," Kurt says exasperatingly. "No. Because if we go upstairs, you're just going to assume and it's wrong and just -" He freezes, his breath hitching before a crazy glint shines in his eyes and oh god, Finn should probably be running right now. "Maybe we can lock you in the garage," Kurt mutters to himself.
Blaine's jaw drops, but he's trying so hard to hold back a smile. They're going to attack him.
"No! Come on, man!" Finn yells, getting to his feet and setting his feet apart in a defensive stance. "It's not my fault your dad threatened me!"
"Kurt, can we just order the pizza and calm down? My stomach is eating itself," Blaine says all cool and calm, clearly not caring about Finn right now.
Did Finn say he liked Blaine? He lied - Blaine is total a jerk.
Kurt glances between the two of them and sighs dramatically. "Fine. Order."
Blaine smiles and walks over to the kitchen, but not before pecking Kurt on the cheek, which makes Kurt loosen up.
Finn is in for the longest, most awkward, worst night of his life.
~**~
It's been thirty minutes and they've been waiting for the pizza to arrive while watching TV.
Well, Blaine is asleep on Kurt's shoulder as Kurt violently changes the channel with his free arm and Finn has been keeping an eye on Kurt, hoping that he won't go into a crazy rage.
"I still hate you," Kurt whispers with a glare at Finn.
"I said I was sorry!"
Kurt brings a finger to his lips, gesturing for Finn to be quiet as he nods toward Blaine.
"Oh come on, he sleeps through everything. He's so screwed when there's a zombie apocalypse."
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "When?"
"It's totally happening. Puck and I are ready for this," Finn answers quite seriously. He and Puck have spent hours coming up with possible weapons and drawing escape routes. They have multiple safe spots marked on a map of the U.S. in Finn's room.
Kurt mouths oh my god and rolls his eyes.
Right then, the doorbell rings twice.
"Finn, go get the pizza. Make sure to tip ten percent," Kurt tells Finn.
Finn groans. "I can't do math - why can't you?"
Kurt gestures to Blaine with his free arm with a duh expression on his face. Grumbling, Finn gets to his feet, takes the cash on the counter and answers the door.
He ends up bringing the bill to Kurt because damn it, Finn is bad at this kind of stuff - there's a reason why he's in the lowest math class. Once he pays the delivery guy, Finn brings the boxes into the kitchen.
"Shouldn't we wake him?" He asks, popping his head out of the kitchen to point to Blaine who is still sleeping soundly on Kurt.
Kurt shakes his head enough so he won't disturb Blaine. "I'll let him nap for another fifteen - he's exhausted."
Finn thinks Kurt sounds like a wife. Or a married person in general. Anyway, it's not normal, teenager stuff, which is kind of creepy, but at the same time, it looks really nice and easy.
"I'll wait too," Finn decides as he walks back into the living room and takes his seat.
Kurt smiles at him for the first time today.
~**~
"This is crazy."
"Come on, Finn, it's really good," Blaine urges Finn before taking a large bite of a slice.
"Pizza and fruit shouldn't mix. It's wrong."
"Well that's being a food racist."
"Really, Blaine? Food racist?"
"Shut up, you know what I mean. Shouldn't mix - being wrong. It makes sense."
Kurt sighs. "I question your brain."
"So says the one who doesn't like his green and orange food touching."
"Those colors just don't work together, Blaine, I don't want to see it. It makes me sick."
Finn ignores their bickering and looks down at his pizza. That has bits of pineapple on it, ruining the glorious amount of cheese. Why did Blaine order such a thing?
"Oh for god's sake, just eat the damn thing," Kurt snaps. "It's either that or the tofu."
Finn cannot pick up the pizza and stuff half of it in his mouth fast enough.
…Wait.
"Wait…" Finn says with a mouthful, chewing on it for a minute. "This is…really weird."
"Take a few more bites to get acclimated to the taste," Blaine suggests.
Against Finn's better judgment, Finn follows Blaine's advice and keeps eating.
Shit, this is kind of awesome in the strangest way possible.
"I knew he'd like it, you owe me," Blaine exclaims, grinning at Kurt, who looks like he sucked on something sour.
"It's gross," Kurt insists.
"Totally not though," Finn points out.
"See? I knew it. You owe me a coffee and a cookie everyday for a week," Blaine says in a singsong voice.
Kurt rips the crust off his slice of pizza with more force than necessary. "Fine. Next time we're getting Puck to eat and there's no way in hell he'll go for it."
"You totally tricked me into eating this!" Finn says, pointing at Blaine with his half-eaten slice.
Blaine smiles apologetically. "But you like it!"
…True.
Finn and Kurt grumble into their food as Blaine hums happily to himself.
~**~
"Since we're going to be spending the evening together, should we pick a movie to watch or something?" Blaine asks once he finishes his third slice of pizza.
Kurt pauses in his chewing for a few seconds. Then he gets a maniacal glint in his eye again. "Blaine and I were going to watch Titanic."
Blaine furrows his brow at Kurt. "No we wer-" Blaine chokes on his pizza suddenly and reaches below him, wincing.
"We were totally going to watch it. Not your cup of tea, unfortunately," Kurt continues with a bright smile.
Finn grimaces. He knows that's like, the ultimate love story or whatever. Rachel mentioned once that if there were ever a musical of Titanic, she'd make the best Rose. But honestly, Finn doesn't see the resemblance between Kate Winslet and Rachel. For one, Kate Winslet has bigger boobs. Wait, doesn't Kate Winslet get naked in that movie? He's pretty sure that's the one…why hasn't he seen it?
"I've never seen it," Finn answers, causing Kurt's jaw to drop out of shock at such a response, or just disbelief that he hasn't seen such a popular movie.
For Blaine, his expression was referring to the latter. "How can you have not seen Titanic? It's a classic of our generation!" he sputters.
Finn shrugs. "I mean…it's really a movie that girls tend to like."
"Except Kate Winslet gets naked in it - every straight boy claims to only see it for that scene. Even though I suspect they secretly appreciate Leonardo DiCaprio's face since his acting was considerably underwhelming in comparison to his later films. And who can deny such a love story?"
Finn and Kurt stare at Blaine with blank expressions.
"Somehow…that statement managed to come off as painfully straight, gay, and stupidly intelligent," Kurt finally says while shaking his head, taking another bite of his pizza.
Blaine shoves Kurt, but he's shaking his head and laughing to himself.
"Do you even own it?" Finn asks Kurt.
Kurt flushes a little before stammering, "I only own it because of Blaine! He bullied me into it."
"Kurt, it was ten bucks on sale and you were over the moon about it, don't even," Blaine retorts, scandalized. He directs his attention to Finn. "We're going to watch it and you're going to love it."
Finn sincerely doubts that because what's so great about a love story on a boat? Maybe if it had T-Pain and Saturday Night Live on it, it would be different. But he doubts that since this movie is supposed to take place in the 1700s or something.
"If I hate it I'm going up to my room," Finn finally says, doubting he'll last more than twenty minutes.
~**~
"I thought you said Kate Winslet was hot in this movie!"
Kurt hits his forehead with the palm of his hand. "That's not Kate Winslet! Are you blind?"
"But -"
"Kate Winslet's character is also played by Gloria Stuart - she's retelling the sinking of the Titanic." Blaine brings a hand to his heart. "May she rest in peace."
"Dude, spoilers!"
"I meant Gloria Stuart," Blaine corrects patiently. "She died last year. Was a hundred years old. Felt like a grandparent dying."
Kurt nods in sympathy.
They're so weird, Finn thinks to himself as he focuses back on the screen again. Kate Winslet better come up soon or he's dropping this movie.
~**~
"Isn't that the actress from that movie with the writer and the kidnapping and the breaking of the legs?" Finn asks, pointing towards Kathy Bates.
"Yes, that would be her," Kurt answers.
"She scares me."
"Well she's good in this movie, so relax, she's not a psycho."
"Fine, yeesh."
~**~
"What a jerk!" Finn states angrily once Cal leaves Rose and the collapsed table. "This guy is such a douche bag! Jack needs to come in and beat his ass."
Kurt is hiding his mouth behind his hand, his shoulders shaking as Blaine nods at Finn. "Just wait, he gets worse."
"He gets worse?!"
"Just keep watching."
How did Finn get sucked in again?
~**~
During Kate Winslet's "big naked scene," Finn finds himself first being mesmerized by her boobs because, come on, they're great. But then he kind of gets wrapped up in the actual story and not really putting (too much) thought into how awesome it would be to feel them.
"If only I could draw like that," Kurt bemoans as the movie pans to Jack drawing Rose.
"Oh hush, your sketches are fantastic. Better than my stick people, anyway," Blaine counters.
"Wait, you draw?" Finn asks Kurt, surprised.
"Well, yeah, how else do I plan and create my fabulous outfits?" Kurt retorts with a duh expression on his face. Finn gets that a lot from Kurt.
"That's really cool."
Kurt beams.
"I always thought you were pretending to do homework or something since who actually writes out essays?"
Kurt rolls his eyes and shakes his head before nodding towards Blaine. "This one does."
"What? Blaine, pause the movie!"
Blaine sighs, but he's smiling and his cheeks are pink as he pauses the movie.
"Why would you handwrite essays? We don't live in the rock ages -"
"It's stone ages, Finn."
"Rock, stone, same thing!"
Kurt just shakes his head.
Blaine shrugs. "I tend to focus more when I handwrite. The internet can be very distracting. Can't afford to procrastinate at Dalton."
Finn remembers Kurt locking himself in his room for most of the winter, drowning in homework, so Finn is so glad that he never had to experience that - he'd probably fail after the first day.
"You should come to McKinley - less homework!" Finn jokes.
"Yeah, he should," Kurt agrees, surprisingly, shooting Blaine a look that Finn doesn't understand.
Blaine and Kurt continue to stare at each other with meaning, which bores Finn. "Play the movie!"
~**~
"Are there tears in your eyes, Finn?" Kurt asks gleefully as Rose in the lifeboat is lowered to the ocean.
"No! I'm fine! Leave me alone!"
It's sad, okay? With the fireworks behind Jack and the music and it's really fucking sad.
~**~
"I didn't think he'd really get worse!" Finn exclaims in a shrilly voice as he watches Jack and Rose waddle their way through the sinking ship as Cal continues to shoot at them. "I hope they don't die!"
Kurt starts to say something, but Blaine places a hand on Kurt's arm. "Just let him watch. No point in correcting him."
Finn's totally following this movie; he has no idea what they're talking about.
~**~
"THERE'S ROOM ON THAT DOOR - SHE CAN TOTALLY SCOOCH OVER FOR HIM!" Finn yells, half off the couch as he gestures to the TV with both his hands. "This is bullshit!"
Kurt and Blaine nod in agreement.
"It still pisses me off, to be honest," Blaine admits.
"Just so you know, if we ever get into a situation like this, we're switching who gets to be on the door," Kurt informs Blaine.
"I don't think we'll ever find ourselves on a cruise line that doesn't have lifeboats for everyone on board, thanks to this disaster, but noted."
~**~
"'I'll never let go, I promise.'"
A horrible choking noise interrupts the silence in the room.
Fuck, Finn internally berates himself as he fists his eyes to stop the tears from escaping.
"Everyone cries the first time," Blaine says in a comforting way.
"Or the first five," Kurt mutters, making Blaine smile at him and wrap his arm more tightly around him.
Now Finn really wishes he had Rachel with him or something - he could use a cuddle right about now.
~**~
"Why didn't you guys warn me about how freaking sad that movie was?" Finn says as soon as the credits start rolling. He focuses on the names that pass by because he doesn't want a repeat of earlier with the crying.
"Who doesn't know that Titanic is a sad movie? Everyone knows what happens in the end!" Kurt says with a huff, getting to his feet to take out the DVD.
"It's James Cameron - I thought it'd be like Avatar!"
"Thank god it isn't," Kurt mutters.
"You bite your tongue - Avatar was a great movie," Blaine says, bringing a hand to his heart.
"Hell yeah it was," Finn agrees. "I have it in 3D."
Blaine's eyes light up. "Really? Can we -"
"No," Kurt interrupts them. "We just watched this three-hour movie, we're not watching another one."
Finn and Blaine pout at the same time and cross their arms, which Finn finds kind of creepy. Blaine must think the same because he immediately drops his arms and brings his hand to scratch the back of his head.
"So what should we do instead?" Blaine asks.
Everyone in the room thinks for a few seconds.
"We could play video games," Finn suggests.
"No."
"I just got my ass whooped yesterday by the Warblers - I'm not touching video games for a while."
Silence again.
"We could bake something?" Blaine tries.
"You mean I could bake something," Kurt corrects dryly.
"Would you?" Finn asks with a big grin.
Blaine is smart and starts grinning along with Finn, staring at Kurt with unashamed hope in their eyes.
Kurt groans. "Low fat cookies. Low. Fat." He stalks into the kitchen. "Nobody is to come in and yes, Blaine, that includes you!"
Blaine, who was halfway off his spot on the couch, plops back down.
And that's when Finn is hit with the most awesome, greatest idea in the universe. He has his moments and this is certainly one of them.
Finn glances into the kitchen and when he's satisfied that Kurt is lost in own world as he bakes, Finn shuffles to the couch to take Kurt's spot.
Blaine tilts his head to the side in confusion.
"Dude, we should totally build a pillow fort," Finn whispers.
Blaine's eyes flicker to the kitchen before he whispers back, "Where would we get the pillows, though? We need more than the couch and the armchair."
"We could use my pillows and we have some extra sheets in the line drawer."
"Linen drawer."
"Yeah, that. And…I don't know. Take Kurt's! He has a million."
Blaine bites his bottom lip in thought and Finn doesn't really blame him - Kurt is really protective of his bed and room in general. Finn isn't allowed to walk inside unless his shoes are off, which is stupid.
"What the hell, let's do it."
~**~
Finn may not do well in Spanish or Math, or any class for that matter, but he is a beast at building pillow forts.
"I have to send Puck a picture - he's going to be so jealous," Finn whispers, pulling out his phone.
"This is actually the most quality fort I've ever seen outside of a picture," Blaine states as he takes out his phone. "Totally my new wallpaper."
"What are you guys giggling about."
Finn and Blaine whip their heads to the entranceway to see Kurt holding a tray with cookies and three glasses of milk, an eyebrow raised.
Finn watches with a mix of amusement and horror as Kurt takes in the sheets draping from the upturned couch pillows to the blankets and the smaller pillows from Finn's and Kurt's rooms underneath to Blaine's face, which looks borderline angelic, the jerk. Finn's pretty sure he looks guilty.
Just when Finn thinks Kurt is going to explode and screech really loudly, Kurt says, "Impressive. Although you better watch it, Finn. If you knock into the walls then the entire thing will collapse."
Blaine laughs, breaking the moment of tension and causing Finn to smile.
"But, I have to ask since I've never been in a pillow fort," Kurt continues, which breaks Finn's heart - what kind of kid has a childhood without building a pillow fort? Finn sneaks a glance at Blaine and oh, he definitely noticed too. "What exactly do you do in a pillow fort?"
Blaine walks over to Kurt, taking the tray from Kurt's hands and places it on the coffee table that they pushed to the side in order to build the fort. Then he comes back to lace his hands with Kurt's. "It can only be experienced, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says in an intense and quiet voice, making Finn feel like he's intruding on something really private - it's almost worse than walking in on them making out (which only happened once and it was awkward as hell, never to be repeated again).
"Can we eat before the milk gets cold?" Finn blurts, feeling like a bit of a jackass for ruining the moment, but at the same time…it's awkward for him, okay?
Kurt and Blaine blush and let go of their hands, which Finn doesn't want at all because they can't do it outside - they should be able to do it inside without thought. He considers going over to them and bringing their hands together again, but he doesn't.
"Warm milk?" Blaine says, scrunching his nose.
"You just don't like it because it knocks you out like a baby," Kurt says fondly, pinching one of Blaine's cheeks.
Blaine knocks Kurt's hand away with a laugh, but he keeps hold of it.
~**~
"Too bad we can't do 'light as a feather, stiff as a board' - we don't have enough people," Blaine says as he takes his second cookie.
"What the heck is that?" Finn asks with a mouthful of cookie.
Kurt gapes at him. "What?"
"Well, to be fair, I think that's more of a Girl Scout thing - I only know about it because of Nick's younger sister," Blaine points out, dipping a cookie into his cold milk.
"One day when we have more people over, we'll test it," Kurt tells Finn. "I'm sure there's some scientific reasoning behind it, but it's really incredible."
"But what is it?"
"Basically, one person lies on their back and at least four people are around that person with two or so fingers underneath the body. Then they chant 'light as a feather, still as a board' and try to lift the body. It usually works," Blaine explains.
Finn's eyes are as wide as silver dollars. "A-Are you serious? That's so freaky! We should like, call everyone and try it right now!"
"Finn, we're not calling people at ten at night on a Friday to come over. They'll ignore us."
Finn doesn't want to admit that's true, so he just takes a large gulp of warm milk. "What can we do then?" Finn asks, changing the topic of conversation.
"Well…" Blaine starts thoughtfully, chewing for a few seconds before swallowing. "We could always prank call."
"…Are you joking?" Kurt asks flatly.
Finn, however, starts to get excited. "Yes."
~**~
"We're just going to call a random number and prank them," Kurt states as they pour over the white pages of the phonebook.
"We could do that or someone you know. Like your neighbor or something," Blaine suggests with a shrug.
"Yeah, let's call Mrs. McCarthy!"
"Finn, we can't just -"
Too late - Finn is already dialing her number with the house phone.
"Wait, Finn," Blaine starts, but Finn already has the phone up to his ear, a giddy grin on his face.
It rings three times before she answers with, "Hello?"
"H-Hey…is your refrigerator running?" Finn asks, practically shaking with excitement.
"…Finn?"
"What? N-No, this isn't Finn."
"But -"
"You were supposed to yes and then I was supposed to say, 'Well you better go catch it!' and then I'd hang up!"
Blaine and Kurt stare at Finn with blank expressions, which Finn ignores because he hates when they do that.
"Finn? Is that you?"
Not knowing what to do he freezes. "…Wellyoubettergocatchit," he mutters, hanging up.
Silence.
"Finn…have you ever prank called anyone…ever?" Blaine asks amiably, but he's so obviously holding back laughter.
Kurt is still staring at Finn like the way Quinn used to glare at him whenever he did something she thought was stupid. Which was a lot of time, actually.
"Here, allow me," Blaine says, plucking the phone from Finn's loose grasp.
"Come on, Blaine, what are you, nine?"
"Oh hush. Do either of you have Mr. Schue's number?"
"Oh!" Finn exclaims, laughing as he pulls out his cell phone. "I do!"
"We're not prank calling Mr. Schue!" Kurt hisses, lurching over to grab the phone from Blaine, but he brings a hand to Kurt's chest.
"You'll knock down the fort!" Blaine warms him with a happy smile on his face.
Kurt falls back and pouts, his glaring being directed towards Blaine and Finn in alternations.
Finn gives Blaine Mr. Schue's number and tries not to giggle like a little girl, although judging by the way Kurt is now focusing his glaring on Finn, he probably wasn't very successful.
"First, you need to do star-sixty-nine before the number so the person getting the call won't be able to get caller ID," Blaine explains after he brings the phone to his ear.
Oh crap, Finn should've remembered that.
Blaine's smilingly pleasantly as he apparently waits for Mr. Schue to answer the phone.
"Oh, hello, am I speaking to Mr. Schuester?" Blaine asks in a surprisingly deep voice, sounding at least ten years older. Pause. "Hello, I am Steven Ross with Wondrous Locks, a burgeoning new hair gel company, looking for a local celebrity to endorse our products…would you possibly be interested?"
Holy shit.
Kurt seems to think the same because his jaw looks almost unhinged.
"Yes, I'll wait." After a few seconds, Blaine quirks his head to the side in confusion. "Who's Emma?" he whispers to Kurt, a hand over the receiver.
"What?" Kurt screeches. "Hang up, hang up!"
"Wait, what?" Finn asks.
Kurt reaches over to Blaine, hangs up, and throws the phone away from them. "Did you say Emma?"
"Yeah, who's that?" Blaine asks.
"Emma Pillsbury, our guidance counselor," Kurt whispers, even though it's impossible for Mr. Schue to hear.
Wait.
"Ew, what the hell?" Finn grimaces.
"I can't believe this - when could've that happened? They were so awkward during school," Kurt says, crossing his legs as he leans in.
"The guidance counselor? Wait…isn't she married to the John Stamos look alike?" Blaine asks, mimicking Kurt's position and Finn suddenly realizes that from the outside, they must look like a group of gossiping middle school girls.
"They were, but they annulled the marriage."
"Poor guy wasn't getting any," Finn says thoughtfully. "Makes sense."
Kurt and Blaine groan. "Gross," Kurt bemoans.
"If you're married to a John Stamos look alike, how could you not?" Blaine asks, his face a mix between surprised, disgusted, and offended. Finn doesn't think he's ever heard Blaine sound so…gay? Not in a bad way, just…flam…bouy? Something about floating. Yeah.
Kurt looks up and nods thoughtfully. "Very true. He was attractive. Shame."
Finn cannot believe that they can talk about other guys and not get annoyed at each other. That's so cool.
If there's one thing Finn learned tonight is that Kurt and Blaine are two peas in a blanket and they rock.
~**~
A rerun of Saturday Night Live is on, the volume low as Finn, Kurt, and Blaine are under the fort, on the brink of sleep.
Well, Finn is on the brink of sleep - Kurt is asleep, his head tucked in the crook of Blaine's neck. He's not quite sure about the status of Blaine.
"I had fun."
Well, that answers Finn's question.
"Me too," Finn admits, rolling his head over to grin sleepily at Blaine. "Sorry I messed up your plans, though."
Blaine hums. "I'm sure we'll find a way for you to make it up to us," he teases before yawning. "I should probably move - Burt will probably maim me if he catches us again," he says sadly, trying to find the energy to sit up.
Finn moves his arm so it taps Blaine's side. "Don't worry about it - I'll stay here and be a creepy third wheel."
Blaine smiles, closing his eyes. "That's a start, I guess."
Finn watches Blaine tighten his hold around Kurt's waist and turn his head away from him. Satisfied, Finn curls away from them and shuts his eyes.
~**~
"…Can't just let them…"
"…Can, it's fine…take it down…"
"No, don'take down," Finn slurs, trying to open his eyes.
"Go back to sleep, Finn," his mom says in that soft voice hers, like when he was six and falling asleep on the couch as he waited for his mom to come back from her night shifts at the hospital.
"'Kay."
Finn rolls his head over and he can vaguely make out Blaine and Kurt, pretty much in the same positions that they were in when he first fell asleep. Smiling, he gets himself comfortable and falls asleep again.
(This was kind of one of the best nights of the summer ever.)