Couldn't last ★/ oneshot.
Title: Couldn't Last
Pairing: Jong Hyun/Key, Jong Hyun/Tae Min
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 941
Summay: Happiness eats away at Jong Hyun and when it's forced out, he is heartless. And love can't last without a heart.
Author's Note: This was going to be my entry for the SHINee Big Bang, but I stopped after this. I don't know why or what really happened, but I love what I have. There are some really gorgeous lines here, if I may say so myself.
Couldn't Last.
The eerie feeling that took over Jong Hyun scared the fuck out of him. It was slight and calm and almost a normal feeling - and that's what scared him. He didn't like how normal everything was becoming for him. This was wrong and terrible and so much of him knew it. He just wasn't sure why the rest of him didn't realize that.
The worst part of it all was the way he felt when he thought of the past. Jong Hyun hated the past. He hated the happiness. He hated the smiles. Hell, he hated the sun that used to shine down on him. Jong Hyun hated everything because everything had changed and Jong Hyun was so fucking sick of it he could kill everyone and everything and just let himself be there, alive forever, dead, alive, insane. He knew that was eventually what would happen.
You see, Jong Hyun couldn't die. He simply would never, ever die. He was born like any other person, with two loving parents that brought him up, taught him right from wrong. Jong Hyun grew up - his life filled with friends and love - his life filled with happiness and a joy that ate him up inside. When he was twelve, he feel in love with a boy named Ki Bum - a boy that even then acted like he was a princess. His parents always thought he was a girl.
It all started with Ki Bum. Because he was a princess, he told Jong Hyun that he needed to be a prince and save him. "When I fall down, you have to pick up and carry me, okay?" Jong Hyun rolled his eyes, but agreed. When Ki Bum fell down a few minutes later, Jong Hyun reached down and picked the delicate boy off the ground. The pretty boy smiled up at him and it ate Jong Hyun insides as well.
They were in love for four years. They were the craziest and weirdest four years that anyone could have ever had. (Ki Bum wore dresses once a month; Jong Hyun had to fix Ki Bum's hair; Ki Bum made Jong Hyun let him dye Jong's hair; they both were outcasts that were loved by everyone at the same time.) Of course, they were the happiest. Even when Ki Bum and Jong Hyun fought, they were happy. Because when you really love someone, nothing can stop it. And what's more real than the love gained in childhood?
When Ki Bum died, it was sadness' turn to eat up Jong Hyun's insides. For so long, it felt as if Jong Hyun had nothing within him - no thoughts, no feelings, nothing. He was empty and blank and horrible. He was a dark void of empty smiles and forgotten tears. He was an outcast that no one bothered caring about. Alone and afraid and scared. Two years of nothing was just about the worst thing the boy ever went through.
When he met Tae Min, it was like meeting Ki Bum all over again. Only he wore pants every day of the week. But it felt almost as if he had his Ki Bum back. Almost, of course. The sadness was still eating away at him. Eat. Eat. Eat. At the same time, though, there was this feeling of love that was eating him again. The feelings were so contrasting that Jong Hyun never knew how he was supposed to feel. (Was he even supposed to feel at all? Broken things can't feel; broken things can't love. (Can a broken heart still love? (Fix it up! Fix it up!)))
Still, Jong Hyun made himself love. His heart might not have loved, but he did. There are other places to store love. He placed it in his hands to hold him close. He placed it in his arms to hold him tight. He placed it in his feet for simple games of "footsie" when they had nothing else to do. He placed the love on his lips - so Tae Min could take it for himself.
It was around this time that Jong Hyun became afraid of words. It felt as if Tae Min said I love you with every sentence. It was sweet and loving - but strange to Jong Hyun. It wasn't Ki Bum's voice. It wasn't his parents. It was a weird boy that he knew he loved, too, but could never really admit.
So Jong Hyun stopped talking. It was so sudden. Tae Min smiled and hugged him, "I love you," he said, nothing but smiles, smiles, smiles. It was almost sickening - like too much candy on an empty stomach. (And wasn't that all Jong Hyun was? Empty?) And Jong Hyun said no reply and things just went from there.
The only time he ever speaks is on Ki Bum's anniversary. He would go to his grave and talk to him. Jong Hyun would laugh and cry and tell him he loved him over and over again. Because he missed the crowns and the dresses. He missed the hugs and late night talks (boy how that boy loved his gossip). He missed it all - and Ki Bum was the only one he let know.
Jong Hyun was too gorgeous to be an outcast - yet no one wanted him. The silent boy. The weirdo. The gay boy that used to date a girlboything. The boy that broken the cutest kid's heart. Jong Hyun realized that if his heart couldn't love, the love couldn't last. And what was the point of a love that was only there to die.
Pairing: Jong Hyun/Key, Jong Hyun/Tae Min
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 941
Summay: Happiness eats away at Jong Hyun and when it's forced out, he is heartless. And love can't last without a heart.
Author's Note: This was going to be my entry for the SHINee Big Bang, but I stopped after this. I don't know why or what really happened, but I love what I have. There are some really gorgeous lines here, if I may say so myself.
Couldn't Last.
The eerie feeling that took over Jong Hyun scared the fuck out of him. It was slight and calm and almost a normal feeling - and that's what scared him. He didn't like how normal everything was becoming for him. This was wrong and terrible and so much of him knew it. He just wasn't sure why the rest of him didn't realize that.
The worst part of it all was the way he felt when he thought of the past. Jong Hyun hated the past. He hated the happiness. He hated the smiles. Hell, he hated the sun that used to shine down on him. Jong Hyun hated everything because everything had changed and Jong Hyun was so fucking sick of it he could kill everyone and everything and just let himself be there, alive forever, dead, alive, insane. He knew that was eventually what would happen.
You see, Jong Hyun couldn't die. He simply would never, ever die. He was born like any other person, with two loving parents that brought him up, taught him right from wrong. Jong Hyun grew up - his life filled with friends and love - his life filled with happiness and a joy that ate him up inside. When he was twelve, he feel in love with a boy named Ki Bum - a boy that even then acted like he was a princess. His parents always thought he was a girl.
It all started with Ki Bum. Because he was a princess, he told Jong Hyun that he needed to be a prince and save him. "When I fall down, you have to pick up and carry me, okay?" Jong Hyun rolled his eyes, but agreed. When Ki Bum fell down a few minutes later, Jong Hyun reached down and picked the delicate boy off the ground. The pretty boy smiled up at him and it ate Jong Hyun insides as well.
They were in love for four years. They were the craziest and weirdest four years that anyone could have ever had. (Ki Bum wore dresses once a month; Jong Hyun had to fix Ki Bum's hair; Ki Bum made Jong Hyun let him dye Jong's hair; they both were outcasts that were loved by everyone at the same time.) Of course, they were the happiest. Even when Ki Bum and Jong Hyun fought, they were happy. Because when you really love someone, nothing can stop it. And what's more real than the love gained in childhood?
When Ki Bum died, it was sadness' turn to eat up Jong Hyun's insides. For so long, it felt as if Jong Hyun had nothing within him - no thoughts, no feelings, nothing. He was empty and blank and horrible. He was a dark void of empty smiles and forgotten tears. He was an outcast that no one bothered caring about. Alone and afraid and scared. Two years of nothing was just about the worst thing the boy ever went through.
When he met Tae Min, it was like meeting Ki Bum all over again. Only he wore pants every day of the week. But it felt almost as if he had his Ki Bum back. Almost, of course. The sadness was still eating away at him. Eat. Eat. Eat. At the same time, though, there was this feeling of love that was eating him again. The feelings were so contrasting that Jong Hyun never knew how he was supposed to feel. (Was he even supposed to feel at all? Broken things can't feel; broken things can't love. (Can a broken heart still love? (Fix it up! Fix it up!)))
Still, Jong Hyun made himself love. His heart might not have loved, but he did. There are other places to store love. He placed it in his hands to hold him close. He placed it in his arms to hold him tight. He placed it in his feet for simple games of "footsie" when they had nothing else to do. He placed the love on his lips - so Tae Min could take it for himself.
It was around this time that Jong Hyun became afraid of words. It felt as if Tae Min said I love you with every sentence. It was sweet and loving - but strange to Jong Hyun. It wasn't Ki Bum's voice. It wasn't his parents. It was a weird boy that he knew he loved, too, but could never really admit.
So Jong Hyun stopped talking. It was so sudden. Tae Min smiled and hugged him, "I love you," he said, nothing but smiles, smiles, smiles. It was almost sickening - like too much candy on an empty stomach. (And wasn't that all Jong Hyun was? Empty?) And Jong Hyun said no reply and things just went from there.
The only time he ever speaks is on Ki Bum's anniversary. He would go to his grave and talk to him. Jong Hyun would laugh and cry and tell him he loved him over and over again. Because he missed the crowns and the dresses. He missed the hugs and late night talks (boy how that boy loved his gossip). He missed it all - and Ki Bum was the only one he let know.
Jong Hyun was too gorgeous to be an outcast - yet no one wanted him. The silent boy. The weirdo. The gay boy that used to date a girlboything. The boy that broken the cutest kid's heart. Jong Hyun realized that if his heart couldn't love, the love couldn't last. And what was the point of a love that was only there to die.