Fic - SGa/Numb3rs; Honesty Can Honestly Be the Hardest Thing
Title: Honesty Can Honestly Be the Hardest Thing
Author: bergann
Fandom: Numb3rs/Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Colby Granger/Evan Lorne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2 518
Summary: He blames the fact that he doesn't realize the door had been unlocked before it's swung all the way open on the exhaustion, and he's drawn his sidearm before he notices the pair of regulation boots by the hallway closet.
Disclaimer: fic•tion [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination
Author's Note: Prologue, in a way, to Insert Cheesy Christmas Lyric Here. Title from Kris Allen's The Truth. There seems to be some bad moments all around on my flist lately, so I figured I'd write some (in the words of black_trillium ♥) "warm and cuddly" fic to cheer them up.
Colby comes home feeling tired. Not just the normal type of tired that descends over everyone after a hard day's work. No, this is the deep exhaustion that he can feel in his bones, in every movement, after three days of nothing but catnaps and coffee to keep him going. There'd been a kidnapping, with dire threats and little evidence to give them other options than just follow the instructions and hope for the best.
It had ended with a SWAT team, hastily assembled as Charlie finally finished his equations and calculations that enabled him to give them a location. It had ended with two dead, the victim and one of the kidnappers, and one police officer wounded. Then it had been back to the office for processing of the second and third kidnappers, and to deal with the paperwork.
Now it's six AM on a Thursday, and unless something big happens, Colby's entire team has time off until Monday. Colby feels like he could spend the entire long-weekend asleep, or at least doing absolutely nothing of real value.
Some relaxing time off sounds like a dream come true, Colby thinks as he reaches for the door handle. He blames the fact that he doesn't realize the door had been unlocked before it's swung all the way open on the exhaustion, and he's drawn his sidearm before he notices the pair of regulation boots by the hallway closet.
He flicks the safety back on and tucks it back in. He listens as he shrugs off his jacket and takes off his shoes, and he can hear the sound of the television in the living room.
Evan's asleep on the couch, the remote still dangling from his fingers. Colby figures he must've tried staying up, even though he has no idea how long Evan's been here. It can't have been long -- more than 24 hours and Evan probably would've called to figure out why Colby hasn't been home in over a day. He smiles to himself and heads silently in to the kitchen, fixes himself a sandwich and eats it quickly, before padding back into the living room.
"Hey," he says softly, before he gently grips Evan's bare ankle and shakes, the fabric of Evan's jeans scraping softly over his knuckles. Evan's always had a thing for walking barefoot when he could get away with it. "Evan."
Evan stirs, just barely. It makes Colby's smile stretch wider, grow fonder. Anyone else and Colby could dismiss the moment, but with Evan -- a trained Air Force Major, currently deployed on a classified mission that Colby knows nothing about except for the effects it occasionally has on Evan -- the implied trust in the lack of reaction fills him with warmth.
"Room for one more?" Colby asks, taking the remote from unresisting fingers and turning the TV off. The couch's not exactly built for two grown men to sleep on, especially considering the fact that neither of them are particularly small, but Colby doesn't care.
It becomes obvious that Evan doesn't either, as he shifts and opens his eyes halfway, a smile sleepily unfolding on his face. "Yeah," he says, his voice raspy with sleep. "Always."
Colby settles down half off and half on top of him, wedged between Evan's solid form and the back of the couch. They both grunt a little as they shift until the position is actually comfortable, and then Colby says, "You been here long?"
Evan moves his head to the side in order to glance over at the clock on the TV, and then says, "Around 8 hours, I guess. I was trying to wait for you to come back. I called your phone a couple of times."
"Battery died," Colby says, "I haven't had time to charge it. You still feel like sleeping?"
"I've only been sleeping for two hours," Evan says, "So I wouldn't exactly say no."
"Good," Colby says, "Because I'm exhausted and need at least a couple of hours."
Evan hums a little, sleepily, and his arm is settled around Colby with his hand resting on Colby's hip, thumb brushing over the skin under his shirt. Colby can practically feel the exhaustion from the past few days drain out of him. "Sounds good."
*
Evan's already awake when Colby wakes up. The TV is on, the changing light flickering over them in the darkness of the room. It's turned to CNN and Evan's watching it with interest, like most of it really is new to him. Colby supposes his station might be a little cut-off from the news, but most of it is just subtly changed reports that have been aired before. Evan's hand has moved further up Colby's shirt, fingers trailing up and down his spine, but it stills once Colby shifts his position in order to look at Evan's face. "Been awake long?"
"Not too long," Evan says as he turns his head away from the TV, a soft smile on his face as he meets Colby's gaze. It's deliberately vague, Colby can tell, which means that Evan could've been awake for three hours or five minutes. "We've been sleeping for a while."
"Mh," Colby agrees, glances at the clock. It's five in the afternoon. "Shit, your entire left side must be numb."
Evan snorts. "It's not, and even if it was, I wouldn't care."
"Keep up the sweet talk and I'll start thinking you're serious," Colby says, grinning.
Evan fakes a wounded look. "The fact that you think I'm not hurts me deep down."
Colby doesn't answer, instead he levers himself up and places his elbows on both sides of Evan's head to hold himself up. He's smiling as he leans in and kisses him. Evan tips his head back and opens his mouth easily, wraps his fingers around Colby's neck and pulls him closer.
Usually their first kiss during Evan's visits are tinged with desperation from too long spent apart and the knowledge that's always hanging over them like a shadow that they won't have enough time this time around either. They never do.
This, though, this is slow and lazy, unhurried and with no real goal in mind.
Colby's not sure how long they make out, but it's long enough for Evan's hands to have moved down to grip his hips, pulling them closer, promising more. He's so focused on Evan, on finally having Evan back again, on the feel of Evan's lips against his -- warm and familiar -- that it takes him a moment to process the voice from the doorway that suddenly goes, "Shit! Sorry!"
Evan has better reflexes, which isn't that big of a surprise, respective careers considering. By the time Colby's placed the voice, Evan's drawn the gun Colby's forgotten to remove from the back of his pants -- which, wow, sleeping with a gun in his pants was a brilliant move to be sure -- and broken the kiss, squinting over Colby's shoulder.
"Man, it's David," Colby says, twisting to look, the same sentence being echoed by David, who also adds, "I really don't want to know why you have a gun so easily accessible."
Colby rolls off Evan and the couch to his feet in order to actually see him, and is fervently grateful for the fact that he hadn't been fully hard yet, and the interruption had made it pretty safe to stand up.
"Sorry," Evan says, clicking the safety back on and standing up as well, gun hanging by his side. "Reflex."
"Nah," David says, his voice not entirely sturdy and his eyes are darting between Colby, Evan, the couch and the TV, like he's not sure what's safe to look at it. "My fault. I just -- I tried knocking but there wasn't a reply, and I knew your phone was dead, so I figured since I could hear the TV and we had plans, you probably wouldn't mind if I came in."
Colby had totally forgotten he'd agreed to watch the game with David tonight. To be fair, he's kind of had other things on his mind, though. "Yeah, no, of course. I just forgot about the game tonight."
"I can see why," David says, and the words are immediately followed by an expression that manages to convey did I just say that? and is it too early for jokes? at the same time.
Evan snorts with amusement. "If there's a game on, we'll need food. I'll go order some." He doesn't even pretend like he's not trying to wriggle out of the situation, just slips past the both of them into the kitchen with a, "Any special requests?" tossed over his shoulder.
Colby raises an eyebrow at David who shrugs. "Go with that you think is best," he replies, which could turn out to be anything. Once away from MREs, Evan's not really picky about the food so long as it is, as he says, real food.
"I can -- I can go, if this is a bad time," David says, gestures over his shoulder to the door like Colby's forgotten where it is. He understands the fluster though, but he also knows that if David leaves now, it will just be even weirder and more awkward on Monday.
"No, stay," Colby says, "I'm sorry I forgot we had plans."
"Not like they were really important," David says, "and there has been a lot happening the past couple of days. I just assumed since I hadn't heard anything that it was still on. You didn't mention Evan was in town though."
Colby appreciates the fact that David's starting simple, and he can't help but compare it to the way David is around suspects and witnesses. Asking small questions, dropping a line here or there meant for a response that'll give him the full picture. "I didn't know Evan was in town until I got home this morning and he was already here."
"He has a key," David says, a sliver of surprise in his voice. "So this has been going on for a while."
"Couple of years," Colby admits, "We got together a few months before I got sent here."
David blinks. "I actually wasn't expecting that."
Colby grins, a ghost of what his real one looks like, he knows, but it's tinged with real amusement. "Kind of the point."
David sits down in the arm chair and Colby settles down on the couch, not entirely comfortable yet but glad that David seems to be taking it all well so far. "So, not only were you secretly a triple agent for two years, but you also pretended to be single and straight for three years when in fact you're in a long-term committed relationship with an old buddy from Afghanistan who's still in the Air Force."
"I never actually pretended to be single or straight," Colby feels the need to correct. "I just didn't commit to any discussion on the matter."
David gives him a look, "That's a pretty thin line you were balancing."
Colby's well aware of that. "It was never so much about me," he says, "I just don't want anything to happen to Evan. The more people who know, the bigger the risk. I never meant to actually really lie about it."
"Why didn't you tell me you were gay at least?" David asks, "I just -- you keep throwing these curveballs that makes me doubt I even know who you are."
"Not like it would change anything," Colby says, "I really did try to not hide that part of me so much. It was just that whenever you or Megan or Don would mention finding me a girl or something, and it was kind of preferable to the other option of telling you and having you try to set me up with guys instead."
"Seriously?" David says, "That's your argument?"
Colby shrugs. "Never said it was a good one."
"Yeah, I guess," David snorts, "But still, we're partners. You do know you can tell me anything, right? Because this secrets thing is getting pretty old."
"I know, David, and I'm sorry I haven't been completely honest," Colby says, "It's just...Evan and me, yeah, we have a relationship, but whenever we step out of this place, we're usually just old buddies from Afghanistan again."
David thinks about that for a while. Colby switches channels on the TV, and it's ten minutes into the game already. "I guess I can understand that," David says, but there's something lurking in his tone when he adds, "But just so everything's clear, is there anything else I need to know -- as your partner for going on three years now?"
"We're legally married in Canada," Evan says, coming out from the kitchen. "I ordered pizza."
"What?" David shouts, eyes going wide.
Evan grins at him, unrepentant. "Sorry, I had an opening I couldn't help but take, and you were already one up on the jokes."
"It took you that long to order pizza?" Colby asks while David's still articulating a reply.
Evan shrugs, handing out the three beers he'd brought with him. "There are a lot of choices. It required some consideration."
Colby smiles. He has no doubt that Evan knew exactly what he wanted going into the kitchen and just tried to waste time actually reading the take-out menus.
Evan raises an eyebrow, silently asking if everything's alright, and Colby nods slightly in response. Evan gives him a soft smile and drops down on the couch next to Colby.
They watch the game in mostly silence, broken only when something's happened that requires comments or shouting, until the pizza arrives. Colby's just finished with his first slice when David says, "You look kind of really calm about all of this, Evan."
"He was also hiding in the kitchen for a lot of the time," Colby feels the need to point out. He'd seen how tense Evan had been when he'd walked into the kitchen, and there's still some left in him, letting Colby know that he doesn't trust the situation completely just yet.
"Not like he's the first one to know," Evan deflects, which is something he really is good at. Colby can't remember Evan being so good at it before he took on this classified job, but he thinks there must've been some of it back then too. "Alan hasn't told anyone so far, after all."
"Wait, Alan knows?" David asks, "Alan as in Don's dad knows?"
"Great," Colby sighs, before David can get started. "You just had to tell him."
"I figured it was best to get it all out now, 'cause you know he'd have found out later and just made an even bigger fuss," Evan smiles at him and reaches for a new slice of pizza.
"I am not making a fuss," David protests.
Colby snorts. "Yeah, now what was that you were just saying about how I trust Alan more than you?"
"Fuck you," David mutters.
Evan doesn't say anything, but Colby can feel his shoulders shaking with laughter.
And okay, Colby thinks, this honestly ain't so bad.
Author: bergann
Fandom: Numb3rs/Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Colby Granger/Evan Lorne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2 518
Summary: He blames the fact that he doesn't realize the door had been unlocked before it's swung all the way open on the exhaustion, and he's drawn his sidearm before he notices the pair of regulation boots by the hallway closet.
Disclaimer: fic•tion [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination
Author's Note: Prologue, in a way, to Insert Cheesy Christmas Lyric Here. Title from Kris Allen's The Truth. There seems to be some bad moments all around on my flist lately, so I figured I'd write some (in the words of black_trillium ♥) "warm and cuddly" fic to cheer them up.
Colby comes home feeling tired. Not just the normal type of tired that descends over everyone after a hard day's work. No, this is the deep exhaustion that he can feel in his bones, in every movement, after three days of nothing but catnaps and coffee to keep him going. There'd been a kidnapping, with dire threats and little evidence to give them other options than just follow the instructions and hope for the best.
It had ended with a SWAT team, hastily assembled as Charlie finally finished his equations and calculations that enabled him to give them a location. It had ended with two dead, the victim and one of the kidnappers, and one police officer wounded. Then it had been back to the office for processing of the second and third kidnappers, and to deal with the paperwork.
Now it's six AM on a Thursday, and unless something big happens, Colby's entire team has time off until Monday. Colby feels like he could spend the entire long-weekend asleep, or at least doing absolutely nothing of real value.
Some relaxing time off sounds like a dream come true, Colby thinks as he reaches for the door handle. He blames the fact that he doesn't realize the door had been unlocked before it's swung all the way open on the exhaustion, and he's drawn his sidearm before he notices the pair of regulation boots by the hallway closet.
He flicks the safety back on and tucks it back in. He listens as he shrugs off his jacket and takes off his shoes, and he can hear the sound of the television in the living room.
Evan's asleep on the couch, the remote still dangling from his fingers. Colby figures he must've tried staying up, even though he has no idea how long Evan's been here. It can't have been long -- more than 24 hours and Evan probably would've called to figure out why Colby hasn't been home in over a day. He smiles to himself and heads silently in to the kitchen, fixes himself a sandwich and eats it quickly, before padding back into the living room.
"Hey," he says softly, before he gently grips Evan's bare ankle and shakes, the fabric of Evan's jeans scraping softly over his knuckles. Evan's always had a thing for walking barefoot when he could get away with it. "Evan."
Evan stirs, just barely. It makes Colby's smile stretch wider, grow fonder. Anyone else and Colby could dismiss the moment, but with Evan -- a trained Air Force Major, currently deployed on a classified mission that Colby knows nothing about except for the effects it occasionally has on Evan -- the implied trust in the lack of reaction fills him with warmth.
"Room for one more?" Colby asks, taking the remote from unresisting fingers and turning the TV off. The couch's not exactly built for two grown men to sleep on, especially considering the fact that neither of them are particularly small, but Colby doesn't care.
It becomes obvious that Evan doesn't either, as he shifts and opens his eyes halfway, a smile sleepily unfolding on his face. "Yeah," he says, his voice raspy with sleep. "Always."
Colby settles down half off and half on top of him, wedged between Evan's solid form and the back of the couch. They both grunt a little as they shift until the position is actually comfortable, and then Colby says, "You been here long?"
Evan moves his head to the side in order to glance over at the clock on the TV, and then says, "Around 8 hours, I guess. I was trying to wait for you to come back. I called your phone a couple of times."
"Battery died," Colby says, "I haven't had time to charge it. You still feel like sleeping?"
"I've only been sleeping for two hours," Evan says, "So I wouldn't exactly say no."
"Good," Colby says, "Because I'm exhausted and need at least a couple of hours."
Evan hums a little, sleepily, and his arm is settled around Colby with his hand resting on Colby's hip, thumb brushing over the skin under his shirt. Colby can practically feel the exhaustion from the past few days drain out of him. "Sounds good."
*
Evan's already awake when Colby wakes up. The TV is on, the changing light flickering over them in the darkness of the room. It's turned to CNN and Evan's watching it with interest, like most of it really is new to him. Colby supposes his station might be a little cut-off from the news, but most of it is just subtly changed reports that have been aired before. Evan's hand has moved further up Colby's shirt, fingers trailing up and down his spine, but it stills once Colby shifts his position in order to look at Evan's face. "Been awake long?"
"Not too long," Evan says as he turns his head away from the TV, a soft smile on his face as he meets Colby's gaze. It's deliberately vague, Colby can tell, which means that Evan could've been awake for three hours or five minutes. "We've been sleeping for a while."
"Mh," Colby agrees, glances at the clock. It's five in the afternoon. "Shit, your entire left side must be numb."
Evan snorts. "It's not, and even if it was, I wouldn't care."
"Keep up the sweet talk and I'll start thinking you're serious," Colby says, grinning.
Evan fakes a wounded look. "The fact that you think I'm not hurts me deep down."
Colby doesn't answer, instead he levers himself up and places his elbows on both sides of Evan's head to hold himself up. He's smiling as he leans in and kisses him. Evan tips his head back and opens his mouth easily, wraps his fingers around Colby's neck and pulls him closer.
Usually their first kiss during Evan's visits are tinged with desperation from too long spent apart and the knowledge that's always hanging over them like a shadow that they won't have enough time this time around either. They never do.
This, though, this is slow and lazy, unhurried and with no real goal in mind.
Colby's not sure how long they make out, but it's long enough for Evan's hands to have moved down to grip his hips, pulling them closer, promising more. He's so focused on Evan, on finally having Evan back again, on the feel of Evan's lips against his -- warm and familiar -- that it takes him a moment to process the voice from the doorway that suddenly goes, "Shit! Sorry!"
Evan has better reflexes, which isn't that big of a surprise, respective careers considering. By the time Colby's placed the voice, Evan's drawn the gun Colby's forgotten to remove from the back of his pants -- which, wow, sleeping with a gun in his pants was a brilliant move to be sure -- and broken the kiss, squinting over Colby's shoulder.
"Man, it's David," Colby says, twisting to look, the same sentence being echoed by David, who also adds, "I really don't want to know why you have a gun so easily accessible."
Colby rolls off Evan and the couch to his feet in order to actually see him, and is fervently grateful for the fact that he hadn't been fully hard yet, and the interruption had made it pretty safe to stand up.
"Sorry," Evan says, clicking the safety back on and standing up as well, gun hanging by his side. "Reflex."
"Nah," David says, his voice not entirely sturdy and his eyes are darting between Colby, Evan, the couch and the TV, like he's not sure what's safe to look at it. "My fault. I just -- I tried knocking but there wasn't a reply, and I knew your phone was dead, so I figured since I could hear the TV and we had plans, you probably wouldn't mind if I came in."
Colby had totally forgotten he'd agreed to watch the game with David tonight. To be fair, he's kind of had other things on his mind, though. "Yeah, no, of course. I just forgot about the game tonight."
"I can see why," David says, and the words are immediately followed by an expression that manages to convey did I just say that? and is it too early for jokes? at the same time.
Evan snorts with amusement. "If there's a game on, we'll need food. I'll go order some." He doesn't even pretend like he's not trying to wriggle out of the situation, just slips past the both of them into the kitchen with a, "Any special requests?" tossed over his shoulder.
Colby raises an eyebrow at David who shrugs. "Go with that you think is best," he replies, which could turn out to be anything. Once away from MREs, Evan's not really picky about the food so long as it is, as he says, real food.
"I can -- I can go, if this is a bad time," David says, gestures over his shoulder to the door like Colby's forgotten where it is. He understands the fluster though, but he also knows that if David leaves now, it will just be even weirder and more awkward on Monday.
"No, stay," Colby says, "I'm sorry I forgot we had plans."
"Not like they were really important," David says, "and there has been a lot happening the past couple of days. I just assumed since I hadn't heard anything that it was still on. You didn't mention Evan was in town though."
Colby appreciates the fact that David's starting simple, and he can't help but compare it to the way David is around suspects and witnesses. Asking small questions, dropping a line here or there meant for a response that'll give him the full picture. "I didn't know Evan was in town until I got home this morning and he was already here."
"He has a key," David says, a sliver of surprise in his voice. "So this has been going on for a while."
"Couple of years," Colby admits, "We got together a few months before I got sent here."
David blinks. "I actually wasn't expecting that."
Colby grins, a ghost of what his real one looks like, he knows, but it's tinged with real amusement. "Kind of the point."
David sits down in the arm chair and Colby settles down on the couch, not entirely comfortable yet but glad that David seems to be taking it all well so far. "So, not only were you secretly a triple agent for two years, but you also pretended to be single and straight for three years when in fact you're in a long-term committed relationship with an old buddy from Afghanistan who's still in the Air Force."
"I never actually pretended to be single or straight," Colby feels the need to correct. "I just didn't commit to any discussion on the matter."
David gives him a look, "That's a pretty thin line you were balancing."
Colby's well aware of that. "It was never so much about me," he says, "I just don't want anything to happen to Evan. The more people who know, the bigger the risk. I never meant to actually really lie about it."
"Why didn't you tell me you were gay at least?" David asks, "I just -- you keep throwing these curveballs that makes me doubt I even know who you are."
"Not like it would change anything," Colby says, "I really did try to not hide that part of me so much. It was just that whenever you or Megan or Don would mention finding me a girl or something, and it was kind of preferable to the other option of telling you and having you try to set me up with guys instead."
"Seriously?" David says, "That's your argument?"
Colby shrugs. "Never said it was a good one."
"Yeah, I guess," David snorts, "But still, we're partners. You do know you can tell me anything, right? Because this secrets thing is getting pretty old."
"I know, David, and I'm sorry I haven't been completely honest," Colby says, "It's just...Evan and me, yeah, we have a relationship, but whenever we step out of this place, we're usually just old buddies from Afghanistan again."
David thinks about that for a while. Colby switches channels on the TV, and it's ten minutes into the game already. "I guess I can understand that," David says, but there's something lurking in his tone when he adds, "But just so everything's clear, is there anything else I need to know -- as your partner for going on three years now?"
"We're legally married in Canada," Evan says, coming out from the kitchen. "I ordered pizza."
"What?" David shouts, eyes going wide.
Evan grins at him, unrepentant. "Sorry, I had an opening I couldn't help but take, and you were already one up on the jokes."
"It took you that long to order pizza?" Colby asks while David's still articulating a reply.
Evan shrugs, handing out the three beers he'd brought with him. "There are a lot of choices. It required some consideration."
Colby smiles. He has no doubt that Evan knew exactly what he wanted going into the kitchen and just tried to waste time actually reading the take-out menus.
Evan raises an eyebrow, silently asking if everything's alright, and Colby nods slightly in response. Evan gives him a soft smile and drops down on the couch next to Colby.
They watch the game in mostly silence, broken only when something's happened that requires comments or shouting, until the pizza arrives. Colby's just finished with his first slice when David says, "You look kind of really calm about all of this, Evan."
"He was also hiding in the kitchen for a lot of the time," Colby feels the need to point out. He'd seen how tense Evan had been when he'd walked into the kitchen, and there's still some left in him, letting Colby know that he doesn't trust the situation completely just yet.
"Not like he's the first one to know," Evan deflects, which is something he really is good at. Colby can't remember Evan being so good at it before he took on this classified job, but he thinks there must've been some of it back then too. "Alan hasn't told anyone so far, after all."
"Wait, Alan knows?" David asks, "Alan as in Don's dad knows?"
"Great," Colby sighs, before David can get started. "You just had to tell him."
"I figured it was best to get it all out now, 'cause you know he'd have found out later and just made an even bigger fuss," Evan smiles at him and reaches for a new slice of pizza.
"I am not making a fuss," David protests.
Colby snorts. "Yeah, now what was that you were just saying about how I trust Alan more than you?"
"Fuck you," David mutters.
Evan doesn't say anything, but Colby can feel his shoulders shaking with laughter.
And okay, Colby thinks, this honestly ain't so bad.