Picspam: 'Guilt' in Better Off Ted
picspammy's latest challenge is to create a picspam centred around emotions so I chose to look at one of my favourite episodes of Better Off Ted, 'The Impertence of Communicationizing'. Better Off Ted was one of those TV shows: brilliant, subversive, hilarious, barely watched, cancelled. But for a little while it was possibly the best comedy on network TV and once Community and Parks and Recreation were in play it still gave them a run for their money and even bested them some weeks.
Basically it's a satire of corporate America. The characters work for a huge and frequently evil company called Veridian Dynamics. Ted is the head of Research and Development, overseeing scientists Phil and Lem and product tester Linda. They're all essentially good people, it's just that sometimes the company asks them to weaponize pumpkins or be cryogenically frozen or created cyborgs that can kill without remorse. Ted's boss Veronica tends towards the sociopathic (on one occasion she uses Ted's 8 year old daughter Rose to fire people so that she can avoid unpleasant conflicts) but even she has her human moments, as explored in this picspam.
In 'The Impertence of Communicationizing' Veronica is forced to deal with her feelings of guilt when faced with the idea that her promotion should have gone to another colleague. She's not used to confronting her emotions (or knowing what emotions are) so hilarity ensues.
If you're looking for a new show to pick up, hopefully this picspam will pique your interest. Better Off Ted deserves your love (and massive DVD sales).
Veronica: This whole memo thing is bringing up this strange sensation. It’s like my feelings are itchy.
Linda: Oh. Sounds like something human is trying to fight its way out of you.
Veronica: Yes, I think it’s an emotion. Like “joy” or “spicy food”.
Linda: Technically, “spicy food” isn’t -
Linda: So, what is it about the memo that brings all this up?
Veronica: Well it reminds me of another memo five years ago when I was promoted to this job.
I was up against this man Walter, who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There’s another way to pronounce “Palmer”?
Veronica: In his family the “P” is silent. I think they’re Dutch. Sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheeses and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Anyway, they announced the promotion in a memo, congratulating “V Palmer”, only then it went on to wish him well. I put through the paperwork but I’ve never really known if that job was meant for me or Walter.
Linda: Maybe that itchy feeling you have is “guilt”. Guilt is a powerful emotion - every Thanksgiving it makes me take three planes just so I can visit my racist Aunt Cookie.
Veronica: So this is guilt, huh?
Veronica: In the past I’ve always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions like “sugar” or “drunk”.
Linda: You should talk to Walter, maybe find some way to help him. Guilt is a terrible thing to carry around.
Veronica: Well, I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate -
Linda: Don’t tell me: the Dutch?
Veronica: I don’t hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch.
That’s why I hold them to a higher standard.
***
Ted Voice Over: So Veronica went down to the basement, hoping she’d feel better if she talked to Walter Palmer.
Veronica: Hello Walter.
Walter: I don’t believe it, Veronica (P)almer - I’m sorry Palmer. I never could get used to the way you pronounce it.
Veronica : Here I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
Walter: I’m not Dutch. And the Dutch don’t smear herring on half the things you say they do. But thanks for the cake! Is it my birthday? I sort of lose track of time down here.
V: No, I just want to say I’ve always felt bad that we had to compete for the same job.
W: Please, I’m the one who feels bad. I’ve always hated how I acted in the bullpen after losing that promotion. It was not a good impression of you - and I’m sorry I stretched out your shoes.
V: Don’t worry, they were the cheap footwear of my former life. Can I buy you something to cheer this place up? Maybe a lava lamp or a freezer of steaks?
W: I’m the one who feels guilty about the way I handled your promotion. Let me make it up to you, take you out for a drink or something.
Veronica: Ew...
...are very thoughtful. But I can’t.
Walter: Oh, I get it you’re still mad at me, I’m such a jerk. I deserve to carry this guilt around, back and forth in this tiny basement.
Veronica: OK, I’ll have a drink with you. Any chance you have a bottle down here and we can just knock it out right now?
Walter: Uhh...
***
Veronica: I went out with Walter Palmer last night, because of you.
Ted: Me? What did I do?
Veronica: You started questioning memos, which brought up all this itchy guilt, so I agreed to have drinks with the guy.
He told me after he lost the promotion his wife left. I felt even more guilty so I let him take me out to dinner where I learnt he also lost his house.
Then I find out he’s living in his parent’s basement, which is so damp that his dog got arthritis, fell down the stairs, and now has to be carried around like a suitcase.
So I let him kiss me.
Linda: Oh my god!
Veronica: But then I still felt guilty so I let him feel me up.
Linda: OH MY -
Veronica: Yeah, I’m thinking I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter, ever.
Veronica: I kept waiting for the guilt to lift but it never did. What am I going to do? Maybe I’ll buy him a boat. Guys like boats, right?
Walter: Hey, Veronica. I had a great time last night.
I was wondering if maybe I could take you to dinner later for a little Walter and Veronica, version 2.0.
Veronica: How would you like a boat? Something you could just get in and go? Really shove off. Just get out of here.
Walter: Oh I couldn’t take a gift like that from you, I’d feel too guilty.
Veronica: Yeah, guilt. What a horrible thing.
See you at 8:00. Oh and this time please don’t say "Thank you for kissing with me".
***
Veronica: I need to make a man run screaming from my life.
Linda: Hmm. I’m happy you came to me for advice, but sad this is my area of expertise.
Veronica: I went out again with Walter. Now if I blow him off he’ll think that I hurt him five years ago, then looked him up and got him fall in love with me so I could hurt him again. Plus, I backed over his foot when I was leaving, which according to our relationship math means: tonight’s the night.
Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you’re going to want to put three words into heavy rotation: future, babies, commitment.
Veronica: Back off, I need my space!
Wow, those words are powerful.
***
Veronica: Walter.
Walter: Hey, it looks like someone can’t get enough of me!
Veronica: You’re right, I can’t. In fact, we need to talk about us and the future. Of our babies. And how they’ll be committed.
Walter: Wow, that’s a lot to take in. Okay.
Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That’s right, big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cord wood.
Walter: Really?
Veronica: Yes, sir. That’s all I ever think about. The future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment -
Walter: Woah, slow down, this is happening a little fast...
.... OKAY, I’ll do it!
Veronica: Babies, babies, babies, babies, babies -
Walter: Yes! As many as you want! My parents always think that since my wife left I’ve been too cautious about relationships but dammit, this is the one, I know it is.
Let’s light this candle and blast off into a calm, settled, monogamous relationship.
Veronica: Oh my, look at me. I’m so happy I can’t feel my legs.
***
Ted: When I was in HR I dug up this old memo about your promotion. All the executives had to sign off on it.
Veronica: Really? ‘I know we agreed not to let women into upper management but Veronica Palmer is “man smart” and, hello, as she breaks through the glass ceiling we can all look up her skirt.'
Oh my god. That promotion was mine. I didn’t ruin Walter’s life!
Linda: What is wrong with those old farts upstairs? Seriously, they wrote that in 2005!
Veronica: I am off to scrape Walter off my shoe.
Ted: You may want to be more gentle -
Veronica: I have a hickey on my belly.
***
Ted Voice Over: And so Veronica went down to the basement and broke-up with Walter.
But then she made it up to him by giving him a new, above-ground office.
The thing about this episode? This is the B-plot. The A-plot is even funnier and deals with the employees receiving a memo telling them that they "must now use offensive language" - that "now" was supposed to be "not" - so the characters go around insulting each other. It is brilliant. If you go here you can watch the cast's out-takes which were too dirty to be aired on ABC.
In conclusion, if you like TV shows that are funny, smart, satirical, and have awesome female characters, check out Better Off Ted. And then weep about the fact that it is no more.
Basically it's a satire of corporate America. The characters work for a huge and frequently evil company called Veridian Dynamics. Ted is the head of Research and Development, overseeing scientists Phil and Lem and product tester Linda. They're all essentially good people, it's just that sometimes the company asks them to weaponize pumpkins or be cryogenically frozen or created cyborgs that can kill without remorse. Ted's boss Veronica tends towards the sociopathic (on one occasion she uses Ted's 8 year old daughter Rose to fire people so that she can avoid unpleasant conflicts) but even she has her human moments, as explored in this picspam.
In 'The Impertence of Communicationizing' Veronica is forced to deal with her feelings of guilt when faced with the idea that her promotion should have gone to another colleague. She's not used to confronting her emotions (or knowing what emotions are) so hilarity ensues.
If you're looking for a new show to pick up, hopefully this picspam will pique your interest. Better Off Ted deserves your love (and massive DVD sales).
Veronica: This whole memo thing is bringing up this strange sensation. It’s like my feelings are itchy.
Linda: Oh. Sounds like something human is trying to fight its way out of you.
Veronica: Yes, I think it’s an emotion. Like “joy” or “spicy food”.
Linda: Technically, “spicy food” isn’t -
Linda: So, what is it about the memo that brings all this up?
Veronica: Well it reminds me of another memo five years ago when I was promoted to this job.
I was up against this man Walter, who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There’s another way to pronounce “Palmer”?
Veronica: In his family the “P” is silent. I think they’re Dutch. Sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheeses and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Anyway, they announced the promotion in a memo, congratulating “V Palmer”, only then it went on to wish him well. I put through the paperwork but I’ve never really known if that job was meant for me or Walter.
Linda: Maybe that itchy feeling you have is “guilt”. Guilt is a powerful emotion - every Thanksgiving it makes me take three planes just so I can visit my racist Aunt Cookie.
Veronica: So this is guilt, huh?
Veronica: In the past I’ve always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions like “sugar” or “drunk”.
Linda: You should talk to Walter, maybe find some way to help him. Guilt is a terrible thing to carry around.
Veronica: Well, I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate -
Linda: Don’t tell me: the Dutch?
Veronica: I don’t hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch.
That’s why I hold them to a higher standard.
***
Ted Voice Over: So Veronica went down to the basement, hoping she’d feel better if she talked to Walter Palmer.
Veronica: Hello Walter.
Walter: I don’t believe it, Veronica (P)almer - I’m sorry Palmer. I never could get used to the way you pronounce it.
Veronica : Here I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
Walter: I’m not Dutch. And the Dutch don’t smear herring on half the things you say they do. But thanks for the cake! Is it my birthday? I sort of lose track of time down here.
V: No, I just want to say I’ve always felt bad that we had to compete for the same job.
W: Please, I’m the one who feels bad. I’ve always hated how I acted in the bullpen after losing that promotion. It was not a good impression of you - and I’m sorry I stretched out your shoes.
V: Don’t worry, they were the cheap footwear of my former life. Can I buy you something to cheer this place up? Maybe a lava lamp or a freezer of steaks?
W: I’m the one who feels guilty about the way I handled your promotion. Let me make it up to you, take you out for a drink or something.
Veronica: Ew...
...are very thoughtful. But I can’t.
Walter: Oh, I get it you’re still mad at me, I’m such a jerk. I deserve to carry this guilt around, back and forth in this tiny basement.
Veronica: OK, I’ll have a drink with you. Any chance you have a bottle down here and we can just knock it out right now?
Walter: Uhh...
***
Veronica: I went out with Walter Palmer last night, because of you.
Ted: Me? What did I do?
Veronica: You started questioning memos, which brought up all this itchy guilt, so I agreed to have drinks with the guy.
He told me after he lost the promotion his wife left. I felt even more guilty so I let him take me out to dinner where I learnt he also lost his house.
Then I find out he’s living in his parent’s basement, which is so damp that his dog got arthritis, fell down the stairs, and now has to be carried around like a suitcase.
So I let him kiss me.
Linda: Oh my god!
Veronica: But then I still felt guilty so I let him feel me up.
Linda: OH MY -
Veronica: Yeah, I’m thinking I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter, ever.
Veronica: I kept waiting for the guilt to lift but it never did. What am I going to do? Maybe I’ll buy him a boat. Guys like boats, right?
Walter: Hey, Veronica. I had a great time last night.
I was wondering if maybe I could take you to dinner later for a little Walter and Veronica, version 2.0.
Veronica: How would you like a boat? Something you could just get in and go? Really shove off. Just get out of here.
Walter: Oh I couldn’t take a gift like that from you, I’d feel too guilty.
Veronica: Yeah, guilt. What a horrible thing.
See you at 8:00. Oh and this time please don’t say "Thank you for kissing with me".
***
Veronica: I need to make a man run screaming from my life.
Linda: Hmm. I’m happy you came to me for advice, but sad this is my area of expertise.
Veronica: I went out again with Walter. Now if I blow him off he’ll think that I hurt him five years ago, then looked him up and got him fall in love with me so I could hurt him again. Plus, I backed over his foot when I was leaving, which according to our relationship math means: tonight’s the night.
Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you’re going to want to put three words into heavy rotation: future, babies, commitment.
Veronica: Back off, I need my space!
Wow, those words are powerful.
***
Veronica: Walter.
Walter: Hey, it looks like someone can’t get enough of me!
Veronica: You’re right, I can’t. In fact, we need to talk about us and the future. Of our babies. And how they’ll be committed.
Walter: Wow, that’s a lot to take in. Okay.
Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That’s right, big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cord wood.
Walter: Really?
Veronica: Yes, sir. That’s all I ever think about. The future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment -
Walter: Woah, slow down, this is happening a little fast...
.... OKAY, I’ll do it!
Veronica: Babies, babies, babies, babies, babies -
Walter: Yes! As many as you want! My parents always think that since my wife left I’ve been too cautious about relationships but dammit, this is the one, I know it is.
Let’s light this candle and blast off into a calm, settled, monogamous relationship.
Veronica: Oh my, look at me. I’m so happy I can’t feel my legs.
***
Ted: When I was in HR I dug up this old memo about your promotion. All the executives had to sign off on it.
Veronica: Really? ‘I know we agreed not to let women into upper management but Veronica Palmer is “man smart” and, hello, as she breaks through the glass ceiling we can all look up her skirt.'
Oh my god. That promotion was mine. I didn’t ruin Walter’s life!
Linda: What is wrong with those old farts upstairs? Seriously, they wrote that in 2005!
Veronica: I am off to scrape Walter off my shoe.
Ted: You may want to be more gentle -
Veronica: I have a hickey on my belly.
***
Ted Voice Over: And so Veronica went down to the basement and broke-up with Walter.
But then she made it up to him by giving him a new, above-ground office.
The thing about this episode? This is the B-plot. The A-plot is even funnier and deals with the employees receiving a memo telling them that they "must now use offensive language" - that "now" was supposed to be "not" - so the characters go around insulting each other. It is brilliant. If you go here you can watch the cast's out-takes which were too dirty to be aired on ABC.
In conclusion, if you like TV shows that are funny, smart, satirical, and have awesome female characters, check out Better Off Ted. And then weep about the fact that it is no more.