Eight (+ one) easy steps to an organized household - Jensen/Jared - NC-17
Title: Eight (+ one) easy steps to an organized household - a guide by Jensen Ackles (+ Jared Padalecki)
Author: benitle
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared is a slob. Soon after Jensen moves in with him, he has to learn that Jensen doesn't just bring clothes, a toothbrush and a razor but also something else: his obsession with cleaning.
Word count: 14,009 words
Notes: Written for balefully for the spn_j2_xmas challenge. I am so, so sorry that my fic is so ridiculously late! But I hope it'll be worth the wait and that it's enjoyable. Out of the given prompts I selected A Jensen/Jared fic based on The Odd Couple (non-AU!), where Jared is Oscar and Jensen is Felix, but of course it ends in eternal love and happy cohabitation, and is way more hardcore along the way. I tried to add a few more of your general likes such as the kinkiest sex I probably ever wrote.
Many thanks to twofourteen and rejeneration for beta & encouragement. And to lazy_daze and envinyatar15 for organizing this fun challenge.
This is a piece of fiction. Feedback/Concrit is appreciated. Please enjoy!
"Thanks man. I swear I won't stay long. Just until I find a new place."
This is how the nightmare begins. So maybe the outcome is not entirely terrifying, though, at times, the road definitely is. But let's start at the beginning…
***
When Jensen's buddy Scott moves back to LA, Jared thinks this is the right time to ask Jensen to move in with him. It's the perfect opportunity: Jensen spends a lot of time there anyway, the house is way too big for just him and the dogs and they could save a lot time in the morning.
Confronting Jensen with his awesome plan, Jared only needs a few passes to convince him and a week later, he brings over some clothes and a toothbrush. The next day it's the coffeemaker, some more clothes and a razor. The list goes on and on until Jensen's turned the empty rooms of the basement into a proper Ackles Home.
Surprisingly, Jared finds now that Jensen is living with him, nothing has changed. Or at least not much. The only difference is that Jared doesn't have to keep offering Jensen a place to stay whenever they hang out together, fearful because it's too late to drive and because Jensen's vision pretty much sucks at night and will only get him killed one day.
Really, it's nice. They're best friends and Jensen doesn't get mad when Jared ditches him in the evening to read or sleep and Jared doesn't get mad when Jensen needs some time to himself. Living with Jensen is pretty much perfect.
At first.
It's pretty much perfect until Jensen moves another thing to Jared's house: Jensen's OCDs. It's a downfall in nine steps with a rather interesting result.
***
Step 01: Spring cleaning (in January)
Jensen has been living with Jared for about two weeks when it starts.
Jared always knew Jensen really cared about having a clean place and having his things in order. He remembers one time when they went to a party and he got stupidly drunk, so drunk that Jensen had to take him home, undress him and put him to bed. Jared woke up with the mother of all hangovers the next day. There was a glass of water and some Tylenol waiting for him on his bedside table and his dirty, sweaty, smoky clothes folded on the chair. Jensen was just an awesome best friend like that.
What Jared never knew, though, was that Jensen is not only a tido-phile (totally a word!), but that his best friend was actually a neurotic, neat freak.
So when Jensen suggests shortly after moving in that they should give the house a proper spring cleaning - hah, Jared thinks, in January! - he doesn't give it much thought. He figures he'll vacuum and mop a little here, dust a little and shove some crap underneath a bed a little there.
If only-
"Bathrooms or kitchen?" Jensen asks.
Jared blinks at him because he has no clue what Jensen's even talking about. He startles when Jensen pulls at the rubber of his fucking pink cleaning gloves and then lets them snap back with a loud clacking sound.
"Which room do you want? The bathrooms or the kitchen?" Jensen asks again, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"Uh," Jared answers unhelpfully, "don't particularly care."
Jensen nods then and decides. "Good, you do the kitchen. I'll start with the bathrooms."
Unloading something like 25 different colorful bottles into Jared's arms, Jensen starts with a list of valuable tips: use that one for the floor and this one for the counter and this one for the inside of the oven. That one's for the outside, this one removes grease, use this one for the stove in one never-ending breath. With a here's some gloves Jared is finally dismissed. Flabbergasted.
Jensen's already on his way to one of the bathrooms when Jared is finally able to pull himself out of his surreal moment of shock and start with his tasks. Just because cleaning isn't his idea of a fun time (and really, it's not), doesn't mean Jared's not capable of it. With a groan he gets to work, starting with the dishes.
With some gentle pulling, he manages to separate two plates that are stuck together without breaking them - hm, looks like old cheese, definitely smells like old cheese. Maybe the fact that Jared can't even remember dropping them in the sink is a bad sign, yet he refuses to think about it and concentrates on the task at hand.
He's got to admit that he doesn't really have a clear agenda of what to do first. But he does a bit of scrubbing and wiping here, some puttering and rearranging there. It's actually going pretty well, he thinks.
Right until the moment Jensen comes back into the kitchen to do whatever.
"How's it going?" he asks. It's adorable how housewife-y he looks, not that Jared would ever tell him, he's kinda happy with having two balls.
"Good, nearly done," Jared says, because yeah, he is. He's rather happy with the outcome.
But then Jensen squints at him, that weird look when he's either lost a contact behind his eyeball (which Jared finds totally gross by the way) or when something's up. With his squinty look, Jensen gazes over the kitchen and for a moment Jared thinks he's checking and assessing how Jared did his work. He discards the thought quickly because this is stupid, Jensen's not his mother.
"Wait, did you start by mopping the floor?"
Scratch that.
"Uh, yeah," Jared says and shrugs. He usually doesn't mop the floors at all so really, the fact that he did is a great improvement. At least in his book.
"No, Jared." Jensen says. He seems so disappointed and if Jared didn't know better, he'd say Jensen looks as if someone told him the world ran out of steak and he'll have to find a new favorite meal. "You should have done that last."
But it can't be that. Jensen can't get upset over Jared cleaning the kitchen in the wrong order, right? "I beg your pardon?"
"I said, it's best if you do the floors last," Jensen explains. "You'll drop all kinds of stuff on it when you're cleaning. Dust bunnies raining down. Or, uh, you know, slosh soapy water from the counters onto the floor. You always do them last, Jared."
Jared's a little surprised because he must have missed the memo where cleaning a kitchen had been declared an Olympic Discipline or something like that. He simply stares at Jensen, waiting for him to break out into a huge grin, telling him that he's just been kidding. But it never happens.
Instead, Jensen crouches down to examine the floor. "Look, can you see the footprints? We'll have to do it again."
And yes, Jared can see it now. Clearly.
Jared only half-listens to Jensen when he suggests that Jared do the laundry while he fixes the kitchen. He's not mad, it's just that he doesn't understand Jensen right now. He's been cleaning like this since he and Jensen became friends and he's never complained before. But Jared's not in the mood for a discussion and if crawling on the floor and turning it into a clinical surface you can eat raw meat off makes Jensen happy, then Jared's an awesome enough best friend to let Jensen have this little bit of gratification. He'll gladly sort dirty laundry. There's not a lot you can do wrong with that.
Later in the evening Jensen flops down on the sofa next to Jared. While Jensen was busy making the whole house sparkly clean, Jared ran the dogs, bought groceries, and did the laundry.
Jensen's smile is tired but content and for a while, they just sit next to each other, not speaking. The silence isn't uncomfortable. They've reached a point in their friendship where there's no need for constant conversation and sometimes it's just nice to-
"Did you know that you had gummi worms behind your fridge?" Jensen says out of the blue.
Quickly, Jared turns his head in Jensen's direction, sees the horror on Jensen's face. He wants to ask you cleaned behind my fridge? but what comes out instead is, "Tell me you didn't throw them away."
Jensen's expression of utter disgust is almost enough to make up for everything he put Jared through today. "Ugh! You're such a slob."
Step 02: Rearranging the interior (the next time your sloppy roommate "misplaces" something, you'll know exactly where it is)
Turns out that Jensen doesn't just spring clean once a year (in winter!) but every other week. It doesn't stop there. Of course it doesn't.
It starts with small and subtle changes, yet Jared's mind is sharp enough to notice them. After all, he's not stupid. It's the towels at first. Not only are they folded differently (or rather, folded at all, Jared usually just pushes them into the shelf) but also they're neatly arranged by size, then color. Hell, they're even aligned. At this point Jared wouldn't be surprised if Jensen had used a set square to make sure that they're stacked properly like a perfect tower.
After the bathroom, it's the kitchen's turn. Jared is pretty sure that his plates were in the cupboard at the bottom not on the top by the fridge before Jensen moved in. Usually, he's happy with just putting them in somehow and somewhere - as long as the door still closes all is fair game - but Jensen apparently thinks that you first need the big plates, then the middle ones and on top of that, the small ones, each separated by a paper towel to prevent clattering sounds or scratching.
When Jared commits a cardinal sin by placing a middle plate on top of a small one, Jensen barks at him and almost bites his head off, telling him how this all has an order that serves the greater good. Or something. Jared apologizes profoundly and under Jensen's watchful eye moves the middle plate underneath the small ones - paper towel included.
Most of the other kitchen utensils and cookware find a new home too. The pans are no longer where they were (basically, wherever Jared could find a spot to squish them in), the pots have been moved and the forks, knives and spoons have been rearranged left-to-right.
The fridge gets a makeover too. It turns out that Jensen is obsessed with a certain order and that the milk needs to be on the left, next to it the orange juice and water, all facing the front with the label. Jared usually stacked everything in but Jensen insists that the vegetable cooler will be used for nothing but vegetables; even if they have none because their crazy schedules don't actually permit grocery shopping most days.
Jared's not angry with Jensen. It takes a lot to make Jared angry and with Jensen, he's got a lot of patience, maybe more than with other people. (Stupid crush.) In fact, Jared doesn't even care all that much about Jensen's compulsive acts. Mostly he just doesn't mind Jensen being a neat freak.
Not yet.
The rearranging doesn't stop with the bathroom, kitchen, living room and garden shed. Next is Jared's CD collection. He spends a few good minutes searching for the new Snow Patrol album and eventually gives up and calls Jensen.
"Jen!"
Jensen shuffles into the living room; it's quite late and for a split second Jared feels guilty because Jensen might have been sleeping already. His hair looks adorably ruffled (that's something Jared would never say, of course, bad enough that he knows about his crush on Jensen - Jensen doesn't need to find out too.)
The fact that Jensen's glasses are sitting on his nose all askew is a good indicator for that. All guilt is washed away though when Jared remembers the reason he called for Jensen.
"Did you see the new Snow Patrol album I bought? I can't find it," Jared says. He's trying not to sound too accusing because a sleepy Jensen is dangerous territory and Jared's thinking back to how he's happy about having a pair of balls.
Jensen yawns and stretches his arms above his head. His shirt rides up, soft belly flesh and a dark happy trail teasing Jared. He scratches his stomach and says, "Here, I ordered them first by genre, then by artist - A-Z - and then by release year of the CD. Look, here they are, under pop."
Jared stares at Jensen in shock, because, dude, who does that, but then a different thought comes to his mind. "Jen, you can't just put Snow Patrol under pop."
Jensen blinks sleepily again and asks, "No?"
Forgotten are all thoughts about Jensen rearranging Jared's stuff and his life. He's got Snow Patrol's honor to defend.
"No! It's an offense to them!" Jared explains, flailing his arms a little. "You need to put them under alternative rock or something."
Jensen bites his plush bottom lip and pinches the bridge of his nose. His only comment is a soft hum. "Hm."
They end up spending the evening and most of the night sorting CDs on Jensen's bed. When their thighs touch, a flash goes through Jared's body right to his cock. It takes a while but he manages to pull himself together, thankfully.
They discuss bands and genres; they argue whether rock needs to be diversified further into classical rock, alternative rock, hard rock, etc. Jensen mercilessly mocks Jared for some of the Backstreet Boys CDs he bought when he as a teenager but when Jared pouts, he bumps his shoulder against Jared's and grins.
And everything is all right again.
Step 03: Keeping your home clean as a pet owner (an ode to Handy Vacs)
Soon enough, Jared has to learn about another one of Jensen's obsessions. One of the things Jensen brought with him when moving in was a handy vac. That he uses all the goddamn time. If Jared didn't know better, he'd be worried about Jensen and that he might have to remove it by surgery one day because it's becoming such an integral part of him.
It's Friday evening. Jensen cooked while Jared took the dogs out for a walk and everybody's been fed and is happily snoozing on the sofa. Or at least Jared was until he is disturbed by a very familiar noise.
It takes him a moment to fully wake up again. When he blinks Jensen back into focus, Jensen's puttering around the sofa next to him and then Jared recognizes the sound: the Handy Vac.
Jensen gives him a quick smile and then vacuums the sofa where Sadie and Harley had been earlier. Jared simply stares at him because this is new, even for him.
"Wha-" Jared has to clear his throat to make his voice work. "What are you doing, Jen?"
Jensen cocks an eyebrow at him that Jared interprets as Isn't it obvious dumbass? And now that Jared thinks about it another moment, it kinda is. Jensen is vacuuming the sofa. He probably should change his question to but why on earth would you do that?
"Because I realized that it's easier if we clean up after the dogs right away."
Did Jared just say that out loud?
Jensen doesn't stop what he's doing as he smiles at Jared. When Jared holds his gaze he believes there's a flicker of something in Jensen's eyes but Jared's sleepy enough that it's entirely possible he just imagined it. Wishful thinking maybe.
"Really, I love you guys but the dogs are a bitch to clean up after," Jensen says.
All of a sudden, Jared is wide-awake. "You love us?"
Jensen knows that Jared's gay and Jensen's been very vague about experimenting with guys in the past, yet Jared never had the guts to make a move on him. Even though his crush on him is epic - at least enough to have Murray threaten him to tell Jensen because he can't stand Jared's eternal suffering and pining anymore.
When Jared looks at Jensen again, he smiles softly and says, "You know I do. You're my best friend, Jay. Though, let me rephrase that: all three of you are a bitch to clean up after."
Jensen snickers softly. For a moment Jared forgets about Jensen the neat freak and his cleaning OCD and tries to make heads and tails of what he just said. Was he being serious? Did he mean that he loves Jared or simply that he loves being friends with him?
Jared's too confused to get annoyed with Jensen and the Handy Vac. Or the fact that Jensen is not only vacuuming where the dogs were but also the whole sofa, including the cushions and Jared.
Step 04: Introducing fabric softener and a steam iron (how to reduce crankiness)
Turns out that not all of Jensen's compulsory acts are necessarily a bad thing. It's annoying as hell that Jensen is constantly cleaning and tidying up after Jared but there's this other thing that Jared can easily live with: Jensen starts washing his clothes.
Until very recently the laundry was one of the few tasks Jensen still let Jared do because it seems he didn't do too much wrong with it. None of the white shirts ever turned pink and pullovers never shrunk down to size zero when Jared washed them. Really, laundry he can do.
Looks like Jensen changed his mind.
Jensen nagging about Jared leaving his dirty clothes scattered on the floor is nothing new. If Jensen had his way, then Jared would fold his dirty clothes into the laundry basket, or even better, he wouldn't sweat at all so that the clothes wouldn't become dirty in the first place. (Says Jensen - the guy who'd shower three times a day if only he could.)
"God, you're such a pig," Jensen mutters crankily, once more picking up some of Jared's clothes (that he dropped on a chair, not the floor like he used to when he lived by himself). Jared would be offended if only Jensen didn't sound so much like his mother. And that's really goddamn hilarious.
He snickers and earns a deadly glare in return but really, Jensen's such a housewife.
"I'm gonna wash some clothes," Jensen grumbles and disappears toward the laundry room in the basement. Maybe it's therapeutic or something.
Jared sighs and goes back to channel surfing. After a while he heads down the stairs to help Jensen because he doesn't want Jensen to think he was a lazy bastard. He might not be as obsessed with cleaning as Jensen and yeah, yeah, yeah, he admits it, he might be a little sloppy, but he's not a pig who'll let Jensen do all the work.
When he enters, Jared doesn't trust his eyes at first. Jensen's standing in the center of the room and ironing stuff with the fancy new steam iron he bought. Taking a closer look, Jared realizes that it's not just stuff but underwear, his underwear. Jensen's ironing Jared's boxer briefs.
He rubs a hand over his face because he thinks maybe he's hallucinating (or getting ditzy from the vapor of all the cleaning products, that can't be healthy) but when he looks again, Jensen is still ironing.
He has to clear his throat twice before Jensen looks up. There's a happy smile on his face and the fact that household chores give Jensen so much gratification makes Jared wonder for a brief moment whether this is the reason Jensen never seems to get laid these days. Maybe sex doesn't satisfy him anymore.
And you know what, it's probably best if Jared stopped thinking about Jensen getting laid and the faces he'd make, thanks very much.
"Uh, don't you think you've, like, overstepped a boundary?" Jared asks tentatively. "Maybe?"
But Jensen only blinks at him and it's a little adorable. "Why? I've washed your clothes before."
Which is absolutely true but Jared thinks that Jensen took this one step too far. He wouldn't want Jensen to iron his underwear even if he were sleeping with Jensen and really, Jared needs to stop thinking about having sex with Jensen. Right now.
"Jensen. You ironed my underwear," he reasons, trying to distract himself.
Jensen gives him a shrug and says, "I've seen you in underwear before," as if that explained everything. After a short pause he adds, "I've also seen you naked."
Jared's usually not the mouth-wide-open-speechless type but he really doesn't know what to say to that. And you know what? Leaving the room seems like a very good idea right now.
This whole situation doesn't help Jared's crush all that much. He still doesn't know what to make out of Jensen's confession the other day and he's getting really, really confused. Jensen says stuff like I love you (even though Jared's pretty sure he meant it in a platonic way, he even was halfway through elaborating this to Chad before the line went dead) but then Jensen does Jared's laundry like a boyfriend and it's all fucking too much with Jared's head for his own good.
Later Jensen comes up to Jared's bedroom where Jared is hiding. He smiles almost shyly as he carries a laundry basket with freshly washed, ironed and neatly folded clothes. He shuffles into the room and doesn't meet Jared's eyes at first. When he sets them down on the bed, Jared grabs Jensen by the wrist and finally Jensen looks at him.
"I'm sorry about earlier," Jensen says. "I know I sometimes can get carried away."
Jared laughs loud and hard. Apparently so loud and hard that he startles Jensen. "Hear, hear. I'd say carried away is sort of an understatement, dude."
Jensen's eyes twinkle and he grins, so all is good. "Yeah, whatever. Just feel it. You'll thank me tomorrow when you squash your huge butt into your stinky briefs. Seriously."
He ducks the flying pillow easily and they both laugh hard, everything forgotten and forgiven.
"It's a miracle called fabric softener!" Jensen calls on his way out.
As soon as Jared's sure that Jensen is back downstairs and not hiding behind the door, he grabs a shirt from the pile of clothes and runs his hand over it. It's surprisingly nice and smooth and silky.
Of course, Jared's not going to admit it, but he really learns to appreciate the wonder that is fabric softener.
Step 05: A little sanitizer never did anybody any harm (there is no such thing as too clean)
Jared thinks he's been very patient with Jensen and his OCD. He endures the fortnightly spring cleaning, Jensen ordering him around and trying to teach him the fine techniques of proper mopping and dusting. He listens carefully when Jensen gives meaningful lectures about the correct folding and arranging of laundry. He even lets Jensen iron his underwear because apparently it makes him happy.
When Jensen develops an unhealthy relationship to all things sanitizers (for hands, mirrors, the floor, their shoes, stuff you spray on the toilet, on the doormat, the kitchen counters or even the TV set and the Xbox), Jared thinks they should talk about this. Jensen is obsessed with those wet tissues that he wipes over every and all surfaces and he always carries them around with him. It's rather disturbing.
He gets his chance a few days later.
Jared needs to take a piss and walks to the bathroom. He relieves himself, shakes the last drops off, tucks himself back in and heads to the kitchen to get a drink. It's no surprise that Jensen's wiping off the counters again with the wet sanitizer tissues. There's an expression of concentration on his face, his tongue poking out at the corner of his mouth. It's kinda adorable.
When he turns to Jared, Jensen's doing that squinty look again and Jared thinks that maybe he should be careful now. He decides to quietly get his drink from the fridge and leave Jensen to whatever smudges he's fighting this time.
"Wait!" Jensen almost yells. "Don't. Touch. Anything!"
There's a look of utter shock on Jensen's face as if he just saw the ghost of his dead grandmother. He's staring at Jared as if she were standing right behind him.
"I- I just want a drink," Jared says calmly. He takes another step toward the fridge and now Jensen does that dangerous, deadly glare.
"Did you wash your hands?" he growls.
"What?"
Jensen's body is tense, like a wild animal that's going to jump onto its prey any second. Jared doesn't like this look at all. "Did. You. Wash. Your. Hands?" Jensen repeats.
"I, uh," Jared stammers.
The look of shock is getting even worse (Jared didn't think it was possible) and Jared fears Jensen's heart is going to stop beating any second. "Jared! You dirty slob! This is so fucking disgusting!"
Before Jared can defend himself, Jensen is right in his personal space, pinning him against the fridge and wipes his hands with the goddamn wet tissues. Next he grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer and squirts some cool faint blue stuff onto Jared's hands. The smell is horrible but Jensen doesn't seem to care as he's apparently on a mission.
He rubs Jared's hands, killing each and every germ that once might have lived on them. And while he's at it, he's probably killing the natural acid mantle too. So much for being helpful. Jared feels like he is four years old again. Like, when his mother would spit one a tissue and wipe his mouth after Jared made a mess eating ice cream at the park.
That's it, Jared has had enough. Before Jensen gets any other ideas, he gives his shoulders a firm shove and says, "This stops now."
Jensen blinks at him. "What stops now?"
"Your- your obsessive behavior," Jared says quickly, doing some flaily gesture with his hand because he thinks that'll make his point clearer. He thinks he's been more than patient with Jensen but he's reached a point where he can't take it anymore.
"It's not obsessive," Jensen defends himself.
Jared tries to concentrate on Jensen's face but it's impossible to miss how the muscles of his chest twitch underneath his palm. Concentrate, Jared, concentrate.
"Okay. Compulsive. You need therapy, Jensen," Jared says. He really tries not to sound too accusative but yeah, Jensen needs help.
"A little sanitizer never did anybody any harm," Jensen almost shrieks. The fact that he sounds so ridiculously defensive only incites Jared to keep going.
"You're turning our home into a fucking clinic. McDreamy could perform surgery on the kitchen floor!"
Jensen cocks an eyebrow at him and when he asks, "Who?" Jared cracks up. Jensen keeps giving him that look and Jared can't stop laughing for a few minutes. Quickly, he forgets that he was mad at Jensen - they've always had a hard time being angry at each other.
Not having moved, Jensen is still ridiculously close to him, so close that Jared can smell the faint scent of sanitizer, sweat and Jensen. Jensen licks his lips and that is not helping at all. He looks so kissable and all Jared would have to do is lean forward a little, only two or three inches and then he could feel Jensen's mouth on his.
This is seriously fucking with his mind. Jared shakes his head, trying to clear it.
"Jensen, this has to change, really. It's driving me insane," he says softly. Pleadingly. "I know you love a clean home but, dude, really, you're overdoing it. Can- can you maybe try and keep the sanitizer to a minimum, please?"
Jared has to admit that his place has become a lot cleaner since Jensen moved in and he likes that his house is cleaner too. But when he starts to realize that this is more of a hospital than a home where two guys and two dogs live in, then Jared thinks something's going a little wrong. On the other hand though, he really doesn't want to upset Jensen or make him think he doesn't appreciate all of it. He knows that Jensen only means well, obsessive-compulsive disorder or not.
He puts a hand on Jensen's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze, feeling the strong muscles twitch.
Jensen looks at him from underneath his eyelashes, a soft smile on his face. "Uh, I'll try. But-"
"But what?" Jared interrupts.
Jensen's smirks, mischievous and cheeky and Jared knows everything's going to be all right. "Under one condition." He pauses. "You try stop being so sloppy. Like, let's start with the clothes. Don't leave your clothes scattered everywhere, okay?"
"Okay, mother," Jared snickers. It earns him a cuff in the head but Jensen laughs too and grins. Call him a sap, but this is the most beautiful facial expression on Jensen, the one he wears best.
Step 06: Benefits of teaching your roommate to not walk around stark naked and dripping wet in the house (educate him about the proper use of towels)
Things do get better. Not on the I have crush on my best friend front but at least when it comes to Jensen being addicted to all kinds of sanitizers. Jared keeps his promise of not scattering his clothes anymore and Jensen seems to be very pleased.
Now that the crisis with the sanitizers has been adverted, it turns out that Jensen has other obsessions. Like, he has a weird thing about putting things in the fridge that normal people don't put in there. Jared doesn't even know why he's surprised anymore.
One morning he accidentally eats Jensen's facial cream or whatever that was. He's actually attempting to smear cream cheese on his bagel, but being half asleep still, he reaches for the wrong package and puts anti-aging stuff on his bread instead of cheese. It only takes one bite to figure it out.
Right next to the orange juice (that is next to the milk, all labels facing the door), Jensen puts his shampoo. Jared laughs when he first sees it but Jensen explains something about it being natural shampoo and that it's custom made for him and that the consistency is best if he keeps it refrigerated. Jared laughs again, calls Jensen gay and accepts it for what it is. Another quirk.
He's rinsing off the lather of his shower gel when he notices that there is no bottle of shampoo in the shower. Jared looks around and then remembers that he threw it out the day before because it was empty. And that he forgot to replace it.
"Oh damn it," he curses and scratches at his balls, pondering what to do. He keeps thinking for a while, trying to recall whether he bought new one and whether it's just stashed away somewhere or whether he is totally out of shampoo.
Eventually, Jared gives up and decides to simply steal some of Jensen's from the fridge. He turns off the steam shower and gets out, totally not bothering with a towel. He won't be long anyway. Quickly, he waddles through the hallway toward the kitchen.
It's warm enough in the house that the cooling water on his skin doesn't make him shiver. At least not until he opens the fridge. When a breeze of chilly air washes over his skin, Jared's dick gives an unhappy twitch as if it was threatening to shrink on him. That would be unfortunate.
He grabs the shampoo and is just about to close the door when he hears a shrill shriek. Jared's about to apologize and tell Jensen that he doesn't need to worry - he'll get him a new bottle - when Jensen keeps screeching, "Jared! I totally just waxed that floor!"
Wait, why is Jensen even home?
Instinctively, Jared places the bottle protectively in front of his manly bits, hiding as much as he can. All of a sudden, he becomes incredibly self-conscious, he doesn't even know why. Usually he isn't, not around Jensen at least. Thing is, Jensen's seen him naked before and vice versa. Hell, Jensen still even irons Jared's goddamn underwear.
Maybe, maybe it's that look in Jensen's eyes: intrigued, curious, hungry. His pupils are dilated, his lips slightly parted. Oh yeah, Jensen's definitely checking him out.
They stare at each other for a few moments that seem like a lifetime to Jared. Jensen's skin is flushed, a rosy blush on his cheeks that spreads to his throat and ears. He bites his lip and looks at Jared with big eyes. His gaze wanders from Jared's face to his shoulders and pecs and if he didn't know better, he'd say that Jensen just followed Jared's happy trail.
Jared clears his throat uncomfortably and eventually, Jensen tears his gaze away. When Jensen looks him in the eyes, there's something he can't read in Jensen's expression and it irritates him to not end.
"Uh, I'm gonna get you a towel," Jensen says and is out of the kitchen faster than Jared can blink.
When he comes back, he averts his eyes, deliberately not gazing at Jared. Who's still standing stark naked and dripping water all over their kitchen. Jared's confused; the situation is way too surreal. He grabs Jensen by the wrist as Jensen holds out the towel for him and then asks, "Hey, you okay?"
Jensen meets his eyes only very briefly and mutters something about cleaning and waxing the floor. If Jared didn't know better, he'd say that Jensen is embarrassed because he caught him staring at him. Quickly, Jensen flees from him again.
Wrapping the towel around his hips, Jared follows him, only to find his door locked. He knocks against it and says, "Man, you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," Jensen croaks with a muffled voice. "Fuck off and shower, dickhead!"
Jared huffs a breath. Usually, he'd crack up because this is something Jensen would say with a shit-eating grin on his face and everything would be perfect. But this time, Jared's confused because the door is locked. Because Jensen gave him that really weird look and he doesn't want to face Jared. And fuck, because Jensen almost sounded as if he just groaned.
The last one is probably Jared's mind playing tricks on him so he shuffles toward the bathroom, but not without stopping by the kitchen to grab Jensen's pansy shampoo first.
When he's back in the shower, Jared ducks his head underneath the spray. He must be imagining things. At this point, he has to laugh at himself. This is probably nothing. Even though he knows he definitely shouldn't go there, he lets his mind wander off to Jensen moaning. Jared lets his fantasy run wild, picturing Jensen on the bed, hand down his pants as he jerks off to the image of Jared naked in the kitchen.
Closing his eyes, Jared slides his left hand down his slick body. He strokes his chest, his stomach and up again. He can see Jensen clearly, on the bed, his eyes squeezed shut as he works a hand over his dick, desperate for release. Jared doesn't hesitate as he adapts the actions he sees in his fantasies.
With a firm grip, he runs his hand along the shaft. Slow at first, the water providing just enough slickness to be comfortable. The spray feels like a soft caress on his skin, warm and welcomed. He allows himself to daydream about Jensen again. His mind then wanders to Jensen touching him, stroking him.
Jared's grasp becomes tighter as his arousal grows. It's warm and it's wet and it's perfect. The picture that pushes Jared over the edge is Jensen on his knees in front of him, stroking Jared's cock at the base while he uses his sinful lips to suck at the head.
He comes with a low growl, spilling all over his left hand and the wall of the shower stall. Panting softly, Jared takes a moment to enjoy the blissful blankness in his head. It'll be only a matter of time until he'll feel guilty about wanking to the image of his best friend, but that can still wait.
After he's recovered, Jared washes his hair and rinses lather and spunk off. He's maybe a little grateful for the introduction of fabric softener as he towels himself dry. By the time he's pulling on his PJs, the guilt has arrived and Jared heads directly to his bedroom, not checking on whether Jensen is okay.
Step 07: Pot o'Cocks (Cleaning everywhere and everything)
Surprisingly, they don't mention the incident again.
When Jared returns from another morning workout with the dogs, he's more than happy to see Jensen puttering around in the kitchen. He spots him by the stove and you know what, eggs or pancakes sound like a really good idea to him.
"I'm taking a shower," he shouts on his way up to the bathroom, already salivating when he thinks about breakfast. Jensen mutters something that Jared doesn't hear properly but he assumes it's not that important that it can't wait until after he's cleaned up.
There's no smell of freshly baked bacon, no smell of coffee or the clinking sound of glass and china when Jared comes back from his shower. He finds Jensen in the kitchen, his back to the door. Approaching him from an angle, Jared sees a look of concentration on Jensen's face. He's doing that thing where he pokes out the tip of his tongue when he's thinking. It's kinda cute.
It takes a moment for Jared to understand what he's seeing. And another few moments to really believe it.
Jensen is- he's… Jensen is- he's puttering around Jared's box of sex toys. The box he kept underneath his bed for whenever he had someone over for the night. Or that he sometimes used for, well, you know what... Oh God. Jensen is rubbing up and down one of Jared's dildos with a wet tissue!
"Jensen!" Jared shrieks, loud and shrill. He doesn't know how he looks - he's got an idea though - and when Jensen turns to him, there's an amused smile on his face.
"I was bored, so I cleaned today. While I tidied up under your bed, I found this box and I thought those things could use some sanitizing," Jensen explains.
And there it is, the bad word: sanitizing. Jensen not only cleaned Jared's sex toys, he sanitized them. He's not sure he wants to know how Jensen did that. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Jared's sure he's doing a pretty damn fine expression of fish out of water. He wants to say something, but he's too shocked, too shocked to make his mouth and voice cooperate.
"I boiled those in a pot of hot water with a bit of disinfectant," Jensen says, using the dildo in his hands to point at the box that's sitting on the kitchen counter. Jared can't stop staring at Jensen's face, totally not noticing where exactly he's pointing at.
"It's not gonna ruin the silicone, don't worry. Obviously, I didn't boil the vibrators. I didn't want to kill the magic, if you know what I mean," Jensen winks and he's the only one who laughs at his incredibly lame joke.
This can't be real. This is a nightmare and any second, the alarm clock will go off and Sadie and Harley are going to wake up and jump on Jared's bed.
It never happens. Instead, the insanity continues.
"And then, look," Jensen sounds excited now, "And then I rearranged them in the box. I grouped them, like, here on the left, there's your dildos, here's your buttplugs, there's the bondage stuff - handcuffs, gag, blindfold, whip, cockrings - are these nipple clamps?"
This stops now!
"Jensen!" Jared shrieks again but obviously, Jensen is too excited about explaining this sick thing to him that he only gets ignored.
Jensen simply keeps going and he has to realize that he never has been so aware of having that many sex toys. This is definitely a sign that he's been single for way too long. He needs to get laid. With someone else but his left hand. With a real person.
"And here's your vibrators and your lubes." After a short pause, Jensen adds, voice so low that Jared barely hears him, "And that, I don't know what that is."
"It's an enema kit," Jared says dryly. At this point, nothing but sarcasm, cynicism or pure bluntness helps.
"Oh," Jensen breathes. He bites his lip again, he almost looks shy. Jared nearly falls for it when Jensen says, "All right then."
Jared runs a hand over his face, not believing that he's having this conversation with Jensen. He feels betrayed with Jensen overstepping a clear boundary. After taking a few deep breaths - he clearly needs them - Jared raises his voice, "Jen, man, listen. This is not an okay thing to do. I know you mean well, dude, and I appreciate it, but this is taking things too far. You- you can't just go through my most personal belongings like that."
Jensen at least has the decency to look genuinely guilty. He hangs his head, his shoulders and arms are slouched, the dildo (oh God, the dildo) pointing to the ground. Jensen's gaze is everywhere but on Jared.
A few long, painful seconds pass. Jared's panting so hard that all he can hear is his own breathing. And then it happens. A fierce blush creeps upon Jensen's face. It starts with his cheeks, a rosy red at first, spreading further and further until it reaches his throat and ears and turns them into a dark crimson color.
Jensen looks like the red of a traffic light. He still doesn't meet Jared's eyes and he speaks very softly and quietly. "Oh God. Man, I- I didn't even think. I, shit, Jared, I'm so sorry."
Jared takes a few more breaths. Sure, he's angry and he's disappointed but he doesn't want to fight. From the way Jensen doesn't even look at him, Jared knows that Jensen's aware of his mistake and that he's truly sorry.
"Listen, Jen," Jared says. "We can't go on like this. I- I need reassurance that even though we're living together, you'll respect my boundaries just like I respect yours."
He pauses. Jensen nods but doesn't comment so Jared goes on.
"You know that I care for you and that I love you," - so, so much, he wants to say - "like a brother-"
This is when Jensen finally looks up. He's still blushing furiously but underneath it all, Jared could have sworn he just saw disappointment. As if Jensen wanted to tell him, really? A brother? That's all?
Jared chases the thought away because this is clearly just wishful thinking.
"I know we talked about this before. And I know that you love a clean home. Really, I don't care and I'm not saying you can't keep the house as clean as you want. Even though I sometimes just don't understand you."
Jared grins. He gave up trying to comprehend Jensen's love for sanitizers, his obsession with the Handy Vac or his need to spring clean every other week. Jensen smiles weakly at him but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that he's embarrassed so much by this situation.
"But really, when you do all these things, you have to promise me that you're not going to cross any lines. Okay?"
Jared keeps his voice soft, keeps the anger out of it. When Jensen finally, finally looks at him again, there's a shy, insecure smile on his face. Jensen bites his lip and doesn't hold Jared's gaze for long, another clear sign that he's still embarrassed.
"Yeah, I promise," he croaks.
For Jared this is enough. He doesn't think he needs to complicate this situation even further. Jensen apologized earnestly and Jared knows that at least for a while his sex toys are safe from Jensen.
Speaking of sex toys.
Jared's gaze drops to Jensen's hand where Jensen's still clutching the dildo he was cleaning as if his life depended on it. With a grin, Jared reaches for it and takes it away from Jensen. Jensen's mouth opens a little, the soft shape of an O. His lips are shining wetly and fuck, if he doesn't look ridiculously kissable right now.
Jared wants to place the toy into the box and take it out of sight so that they both can pretend that this never happened and that everything is peachy and perfect as always. He never gets that chance. Just as he wants to pull away his hand, Jensen grabs him by the wrist in a tight grip and jerks him forward. Jared has to put his hands on Jensen's chest and hip in order not to tumble and fall and before he can register properly what's happening, Jensen is pressing his mouth to Jared's.
Jensen. Is. Kissing. Him.
For a few seconds, it's just lips on lips. No tongue, no finesse. Jensen takes a step back, the perfect deer in headlight expression on his face.
"Fuck, Jay, I- I'm so sorry. I don't know why, I-"
Before Jensen can flee from him entirely, Jared turns the tables. He grabs Jensen by the wrist and gives it a jerk so that Jensen stumbles forward this time. As soon as Jensen lands in his arms, Jared closes his mouth over Jensen's. It all happens in a matter of seconds, yet it seems like a lifetime until he feels Jensen's lips on his again.
He places his arm around Jensen's middle to stop him from wriggling away. He feels how Jensen is tense and unmoving, not trying to get away though. When Jared opens his mouth a little, sliding out his tongue and swiping it gently over Jensen's soft, plush bottom lip, Jensen's posture relaxes steadily.
Hesitantly, Jensen parts his lips, allowing Jared to find his tongue with his own. It's only the tips at first, slow and careful; exploring and tentative. Jensen's mouth is warm and soft - and it tastes of toothpaste and mouthwash. Not that Jared is surprised, now that he thinks about it. Not with Jensen changing his toothbrush every week and flossing his teeth for about ten minutes after brushing them forever each morning and night.
Jared needs to stop thinking about Jensen's oral hygiene and concentrate on the task at hand. An undeniable hunger grows inside him and he tightens his arm around Jensen, pulls him just a little closer and deepens the kiss. Jensen's hands come up to Jared's biceps and he clings to Jared like there is no tomorrow. This is when Jensen starts responding, gets into the kiss and kisses Jared back. Carefully at first but soon enough, demanding and determined.
Jensen is biting at Jared's bottom lip when Jared pulls away.
"I'm not," Jared breathes. He can barely concentrate with Jensen so close, with Jensen's mouth spit-wet and raw; well-kissed.
Leave it to Jensen to totally ruin the moment: "What?" he asks, leaning back as far as he can and blinking at Jared.
There's a look of confusion on his face and Jared doesn't understand why.
"I'm not sorry, Jensen," Jared spells it out again for him. He thinks he was perfectly clear. The confused look is replaced by a soft, coy smile. Jensen bites his lip and Jared wants nothing more than to kiss him again. When Jensen looks at him from underneath his (incredibly long) eyelashes, Jared bends down again. But he doesn't get very far.
"Oh," Jensen says. "I- I'm not sorry either then."
If people could spontaneously combust of glee, Jared thinks this would be his moment. Jensen smiles again, it's a bit unsure, but it's a smile.
When Jared whispers, "Hey, come here," he doesn't even have to pull all that much because Jensen comes willingly. Their lips meet halfway and it's already a little more familiar. Kissing Jensen is like everything else: pretty much perfect. After a few tentative licks and bites and swipes of tongues, their mouths fit flawlessly together.
The longer Jared keeps kissing Jensen, the more his hunger grows. He tries to detach his hips from Jensen's without breaking the contact of the rest of their bodies more than necessary. It's no surprise to Jared that he's getting hard so easily.
He's currently standing in his kitchen, making out with what has been the material of his fantasies for a very long time, he hasn't gotten laid in forever and this is all very much real. It turns out Jensen is an amazing kisser. He sure knows how to use that mouth of his. The idea of what else Jensen could do with it leads to a steadily growing hardness.
When Jensen breaks their kiss, biting and nipping from Jared's lips to his jaw to his throat and ears, Jared lets him.
"I've wanted you for so long," Jensen whispers. "I've been wanting you so bad."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Jared blurts out.
Jensen leans back until they're looking each other in the eye. He shifts his body until Jared's hard-on is pressed against Jensen's side. Licking his lips and giving Jared a dirty grin, Jensen asks, "Well, why didn't you say anything sooner?"
Good point.
Jared could beat himself up over for the fact that he didn't listen to Chad - don't think about Chad right now - and that he didn't confess to Jensen sooner, but then he concludes that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because all he cares about right in this moment is that he has Jensen now.
Apparently, Jensen is in a similar situation. When he turns his body another bit, Jared isn't really surprised to feel the evidence of Jensen's arousal. He lets him hump his leg, pushing one of his thighs between Jensen's. Jensen groans happily and clings a little harder to Jared. It's the most beautiful sound Jared has ever heard, a lot more beautiful than Jared had ever imagined. (Not that Jared imagined it often, well, just sometimes. Or something.)
Jared's (gladly) torn out of his train of thoughts when Jensen moans wetly against his ear. "I want to fuck. I need you to fuck me."
Who's Jared to say no to that?
To part 2
Author: benitle
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared is a slob. Soon after Jensen moves in with him, he has to learn that Jensen doesn't just bring clothes, a toothbrush and a razor but also something else: his obsession with cleaning.
Word count: 14,009 words
Notes: Written for balefully for the spn_j2_xmas challenge. I am so, so sorry that my fic is so ridiculously late! But I hope it'll be worth the wait and that it's enjoyable. Out of the given prompts I selected A Jensen/Jared fic based on The Odd Couple (non-AU!), where Jared is Oscar and Jensen is Felix, but of course it ends in eternal love and happy cohabitation, and is way more hardcore along the way. I tried to add a few more of your general likes such as the kinkiest sex I probably ever wrote.
Many thanks to twofourteen and rejeneration for beta & encouragement. And to lazy_daze and envinyatar15 for organizing this fun challenge.
This is a piece of fiction. Feedback/Concrit is appreciated. Please enjoy!
"Thanks man. I swear I won't stay long. Just until I find a new place."
This is how the nightmare begins. So maybe the outcome is not entirely terrifying, though, at times, the road definitely is. But let's start at the beginning…
***
When Jensen's buddy Scott moves back to LA, Jared thinks this is the right time to ask Jensen to move in with him. It's the perfect opportunity: Jensen spends a lot of time there anyway, the house is way too big for just him and the dogs and they could save a lot time in the morning.
Confronting Jensen with his awesome plan, Jared only needs a few passes to convince him and a week later, he brings over some clothes and a toothbrush. The next day it's the coffeemaker, some more clothes and a razor. The list goes on and on until Jensen's turned the empty rooms of the basement into a proper Ackles Home.
Surprisingly, Jared finds now that Jensen is living with him, nothing has changed. Or at least not much. The only difference is that Jared doesn't have to keep offering Jensen a place to stay whenever they hang out together, fearful because it's too late to drive and because Jensen's vision pretty much sucks at night and will only get him killed one day.
Really, it's nice. They're best friends and Jensen doesn't get mad when Jared ditches him in the evening to read or sleep and Jared doesn't get mad when Jensen needs some time to himself. Living with Jensen is pretty much perfect.
At first.
It's pretty much perfect until Jensen moves another thing to Jared's house: Jensen's OCDs. It's a downfall in nine steps with a rather interesting result.
***
Step 01: Spring cleaning (in January)
Jensen has been living with Jared for about two weeks when it starts.
Jared always knew Jensen really cared about having a clean place and having his things in order. He remembers one time when they went to a party and he got stupidly drunk, so drunk that Jensen had to take him home, undress him and put him to bed. Jared woke up with the mother of all hangovers the next day. There was a glass of water and some Tylenol waiting for him on his bedside table and his dirty, sweaty, smoky clothes folded on the chair. Jensen was just an awesome best friend like that.
What Jared never knew, though, was that Jensen is not only a tido-phile (totally a word!), but that his best friend was actually a neurotic, neat freak.
So when Jensen suggests shortly after moving in that they should give the house a proper spring cleaning - hah, Jared thinks, in January! - he doesn't give it much thought. He figures he'll vacuum and mop a little here, dust a little and shove some crap underneath a bed a little there.
If only-
"Bathrooms or kitchen?" Jensen asks.
Jared blinks at him because he has no clue what Jensen's even talking about. He startles when Jensen pulls at the rubber of his fucking pink cleaning gloves and then lets them snap back with a loud clacking sound.
"Which room do you want? The bathrooms or the kitchen?" Jensen asks again, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"Uh," Jared answers unhelpfully, "don't particularly care."
Jensen nods then and decides. "Good, you do the kitchen. I'll start with the bathrooms."
Unloading something like 25 different colorful bottles into Jared's arms, Jensen starts with a list of valuable tips: use that one for the floor and this one for the counter and this one for the inside of the oven. That one's for the outside, this one removes grease, use this one for the stove in one never-ending breath. With a here's some gloves Jared is finally dismissed. Flabbergasted.
Jensen's already on his way to one of the bathrooms when Jared is finally able to pull himself out of his surreal moment of shock and start with his tasks. Just because cleaning isn't his idea of a fun time (and really, it's not), doesn't mean Jared's not capable of it. With a groan he gets to work, starting with the dishes.
With some gentle pulling, he manages to separate two plates that are stuck together without breaking them - hm, looks like old cheese, definitely smells like old cheese. Maybe the fact that Jared can't even remember dropping them in the sink is a bad sign, yet he refuses to think about it and concentrates on the task at hand.
He's got to admit that he doesn't really have a clear agenda of what to do first. But he does a bit of scrubbing and wiping here, some puttering and rearranging there. It's actually going pretty well, he thinks.
Right until the moment Jensen comes back into the kitchen to do whatever.
"How's it going?" he asks. It's adorable how housewife-y he looks, not that Jared would ever tell him, he's kinda happy with having two balls.
"Good, nearly done," Jared says, because yeah, he is. He's rather happy with the outcome.
But then Jensen squints at him, that weird look when he's either lost a contact behind his eyeball (which Jared finds totally gross by the way) or when something's up. With his squinty look, Jensen gazes over the kitchen and for a moment Jared thinks he's checking and assessing how Jared did his work. He discards the thought quickly because this is stupid, Jensen's not his mother.
"Wait, did you start by mopping the floor?"
Scratch that.
"Uh, yeah," Jared says and shrugs. He usually doesn't mop the floors at all so really, the fact that he did is a great improvement. At least in his book.
"No, Jared." Jensen says. He seems so disappointed and if Jared didn't know better, he'd say Jensen looks as if someone told him the world ran out of steak and he'll have to find a new favorite meal. "You should have done that last."
But it can't be that. Jensen can't get upset over Jared cleaning the kitchen in the wrong order, right? "I beg your pardon?"
"I said, it's best if you do the floors last," Jensen explains. "You'll drop all kinds of stuff on it when you're cleaning. Dust bunnies raining down. Or, uh, you know, slosh soapy water from the counters onto the floor. You always do them last, Jared."
Jared's a little surprised because he must have missed the memo where cleaning a kitchen had been declared an Olympic Discipline or something like that. He simply stares at Jensen, waiting for him to break out into a huge grin, telling him that he's just been kidding. But it never happens.
Instead, Jensen crouches down to examine the floor. "Look, can you see the footprints? We'll have to do it again."
And yes, Jared can see it now. Clearly.
Jared only half-listens to Jensen when he suggests that Jared do the laundry while he fixes the kitchen. He's not mad, it's just that he doesn't understand Jensen right now. He's been cleaning like this since he and Jensen became friends and he's never complained before. But Jared's not in the mood for a discussion and if crawling on the floor and turning it into a clinical surface you can eat raw meat off makes Jensen happy, then Jared's an awesome enough best friend to let Jensen have this little bit of gratification. He'll gladly sort dirty laundry. There's not a lot you can do wrong with that.
Later in the evening Jensen flops down on the sofa next to Jared. While Jensen was busy making the whole house sparkly clean, Jared ran the dogs, bought groceries, and did the laundry.
Jensen's smile is tired but content and for a while, they just sit next to each other, not speaking. The silence isn't uncomfortable. They've reached a point in their friendship where there's no need for constant conversation and sometimes it's just nice to-
"Did you know that you had gummi worms behind your fridge?" Jensen says out of the blue.
Quickly, Jared turns his head in Jensen's direction, sees the horror on Jensen's face. He wants to ask you cleaned behind my fridge? but what comes out instead is, "Tell me you didn't throw them away."
Jensen's expression of utter disgust is almost enough to make up for everything he put Jared through today. "Ugh! You're such a slob."
Step 02: Rearranging the interior (the next time your sloppy roommate "misplaces" something, you'll know exactly where it is)
Turns out that Jensen doesn't just spring clean once a year (in winter!) but every other week. It doesn't stop there. Of course it doesn't.
It starts with small and subtle changes, yet Jared's mind is sharp enough to notice them. After all, he's not stupid. It's the towels at first. Not only are they folded differently (or rather, folded at all, Jared usually just pushes them into the shelf) but also they're neatly arranged by size, then color. Hell, they're even aligned. At this point Jared wouldn't be surprised if Jensen had used a set square to make sure that they're stacked properly like a perfect tower.
After the bathroom, it's the kitchen's turn. Jared is pretty sure that his plates were in the cupboard at the bottom not on the top by the fridge before Jensen moved in. Usually, he's happy with just putting them in somehow and somewhere - as long as the door still closes all is fair game - but Jensen apparently thinks that you first need the big plates, then the middle ones and on top of that, the small ones, each separated by a paper towel to prevent clattering sounds or scratching.
When Jared commits a cardinal sin by placing a middle plate on top of a small one, Jensen barks at him and almost bites his head off, telling him how this all has an order that serves the greater good. Or something. Jared apologizes profoundly and under Jensen's watchful eye moves the middle plate underneath the small ones - paper towel included.
Most of the other kitchen utensils and cookware find a new home too. The pans are no longer where they were (basically, wherever Jared could find a spot to squish them in), the pots have been moved and the forks, knives and spoons have been rearranged left-to-right.
The fridge gets a makeover too. It turns out that Jensen is obsessed with a certain order and that the milk needs to be on the left, next to it the orange juice and water, all facing the front with the label. Jared usually stacked everything in but Jensen insists that the vegetable cooler will be used for nothing but vegetables; even if they have none because their crazy schedules don't actually permit grocery shopping most days.
Jared's not angry with Jensen. It takes a lot to make Jared angry and with Jensen, he's got a lot of patience, maybe more than with other people. (Stupid crush.) In fact, Jared doesn't even care all that much about Jensen's compulsive acts. Mostly he just doesn't mind Jensen being a neat freak.
Not yet.
The rearranging doesn't stop with the bathroom, kitchen, living room and garden shed. Next is Jared's CD collection. He spends a few good minutes searching for the new Snow Patrol album and eventually gives up and calls Jensen.
"Jen!"
Jensen shuffles into the living room; it's quite late and for a split second Jared feels guilty because Jensen might have been sleeping already. His hair looks adorably ruffled (that's something Jared would never say, of course, bad enough that he knows about his crush on Jensen - Jensen doesn't need to find out too.)
The fact that Jensen's glasses are sitting on his nose all askew is a good indicator for that. All guilt is washed away though when Jared remembers the reason he called for Jensen.
"Did you see the new Snow Patrol album I bought? I can't find it," Jared says. He's trying not to sound too accusing because a sleepy Jensen is dangerous territory and Jared's thinking back to how he's happy about having a pair of balls.
Jensen yawns and stretches his arms above his head. His shirt rides up, soft belly flesh and a dark happy trail teasing Jared. He scratches his stomach and says, "Here, I ordered them first by genre, then by artist - A-Z - and then by release year of the CD. Look, here they are, under pop."
Jared stares at Jensen in shock, because, dude, who does that, but then a different thought comes to his mind. "Jen, you can't just put Snow Patrol under pop."
Jensen blinks sleepily again and asks, "No?"
Forgotten are all thoughts about Jensen rearranging Jared's stuff and his life. He's got Snow Patrol's honor to defend.
"No! It's an offense to them!" Jared explains, flailing his arms a little. "You need to put them under alternative rock or something."
Jensen bites his plush bottom lip and pinches the bridge of his nose. His only comment is a soft hum. "Hm."
They end up spending the evening and most of the night sorting CDs on Jensen's bed. When their thighs touch, a flash goes through Jared's body right to his cock. It takes a while but he manages to pull himself together, thankfully.
They discuss bands and genres; they argue whether rock needs to be diversified further into classical rock, alternative rock, hard rock, etc. Jensen mercilessly mocks Jared for some of the Backstreet Boys CDs he bought when he as a teenager but when Jared pouts, he bumps his shoulder against Jared's and grins.
And everything is all right again.
Step 03: Keeping your home clean as a pet owner (an ode to Handy Vacs)
Soon enough, Jared has to learn about another one of Jensen's obsessions. One of the things Jensen brought with him when moving in was a handy vac. That he uses all the goddamn time. If Jared didn't know better, he'd be worried about Jensen and that he might have to remove it by surgery one day because it's becoming such an integral part of him.
It's Friday evening. Jensen cooked while Jared took the dogs out for a walk and everybody's been fed and is happily snoozing on the sofa. Or at least Jared was until he is disturbed by a very familiar noise.
It takes him a moment to fully wake up again. When he blinks Jensen back into focus, Jensen's puttering around the sofa next to him and then Jared recognizes the sound: the Handy Vac.
Jensen gives him a quick smile and then vacuums the sofa where Sadie and Harley had been earlier. Jared simply stares at him because this is new, even for him.
"Wha-" Jared has to clear his throat to make his voice work. "What are you doing, Jen?"
Jensen cocks an eyebrow at him that Jared interprets as Isn't it obvious dumbass? And now that Jared thinks about it another moment, it kinda is. Jensen is vacuuming the sofa. He probably should change his question to but why on earth would you do that?
"Because I realized that it's easier if we clean up after the dogs right away."
Did Jared just say that out loud?
Jensen doesn't stop what he's doing as he smiles at Jared. When Jared holds his gaze he believes there's a flicker of something in Jensen's eyes but Jared's sleepy enough that it's entirely possible he just imagined it. Wishful thinking maybe.
"Really, I love you guys but the dogs are a bitch to clean up after," Jensen says.
All of a sudden, Jared is wide-awake. "You love us?"
Jensen knows that Jared's gay and Jensen's been very vague about experimenting with guys in the past, yet Jared never had the guts to make a move on him. Even though his crush on him is epic - at least enough to have Murray threaten him to tell Jensen because he can't stand Jared's eternal suffering and pining anymore.
When Jared looks at Jensen again, he smiles softly and says, "You know I do. You're my best friend, Jay. Though, let me rephrase that: all three of you are a bitch to clean up after."
Jensen snickers softly. For a moment Jared forgets about Jensen the neat freak and his cleaning OCD and tries to make heads and tails of what he just said. Was he being serious? Did he mean that he loves Jared or simply that he loves being friends with him?
Jared's too confused to get annoyed with Jensen and the Handy Vac. Or the fact that Jensen is not only vacuuming where the dogs were but also the whole sofa, including the cushions and Jared.
Step 04: Introducing fabric softener and a steam iron (how to reduce crankiness)
Turns out that not all of Jensen's compulsory acts are necessarily a bad thing. It's annoying as hell that Jensen is constantly cleaning and tidying up after Jared but there's this other thing that Jared can easily live with: Jensen starts washing his clothes.
Until very recently the laundry was one of the few tasks Jensen still let Jared do because it seems he didn't do too much wrong with it. None of the white shirts ever turned pink and pullovers never shrunk down to size zero when Jared washed them. Really, laundry he can do.
Looks like Jensen changed his mind.
Jensen nagging about Jared leaving his dirty clothes scattered on the floor is nothing new. If Jensen had his way, then Jared would fold his dirty clothes into the laundry basket, or even better, he wouldn't sweat at all so that the clothes wouldn't become dirty in the first place. (Says Jensen - the guy who'd shower three times a day if only he could.)
"God, you're such a pig," Jensen mutters crankily, once more picking up some of Jared's clothes (that he dropped on a chair, not the floor like he used to when he lived by himself). Jared would be offended if only Jensen didn't sound so much like his mother. And that's really goddamn hilarious.
He snickers and earns a deadly glare in return but really, Jensen's such a housewife.
"I'm gonna wash some clothes," Jensen grumbles and disappears toward the laundry room in the basement. Maybe it's therapeutic or something.
Jared sighs and goes back to channel surfing. After a while he heads down the stairs to help Jensen because he doesn't want Jensen to think he was a lazy bastard. He might not be as obsessed with cleaning as Jensen and yeah, yeah, yeah, he admits it, he might be a little sloppy, but he's not a pig who'll let Jensen do all the work.
When he enters, Jared doesn't trust his eyes at first. Jensen's standing in the center of the room and ironing stuff with the fancy new steam iron he bought. Taking a closer look, Jared realizes that it's not just stuff but underwear, his underwear. Jensen's ironing Jared's boxer briefs.
He rubs a hand over his face because he thinks maybe he's hallucinating (or getting ditzy from the vapor of all the cleaning products, that can't be healthy) but when he looks again, Jensen is still ironing.
He has to clear his throat twice before Jensen looks up. There's a happy smile on his face and the fact that household chores give Jensen so much gratification makes Jared wonder for a brief moment whether this is the reason Jensen never seems to get laid these days. Maybe sex doesn't satisfy him anymore.
And you know what, it's probably best if Jared stopped thinking about Jensen getting laid and the faces he'd make, thanks very much.
"Uh, don't you think you've, like, overstepped a boundary?" Jared asks tentatively. "Maybe?"
But Jensen only blinks at him and it's a little adorable. "Why? I've washed your clothes before."
Which is absolutely true but Jared thinks that Jensen took this one step too far. He wouldn't want Jensen to iron his underwear even if he were sleeping with Jensen and really, Jared needs to stop thinking about having sex with Jensen. Right now.
"Jensen. You ironed my underwear," he reasons, trying to distract himself.
Jensen gives him a shrug and says, "I've seen you in underwear before," as if that explained everything. After a short pause he adds, "I've also seen you naked."
Jared's usually not the mouth-wide-open-speechless type but he really doesn't know what to say to that. And you know what? Leaving the room seems like a very good idea right now.
This whole situation doesn't help Jared's crush all that much. He still doesn't know what to make out of Jensen's confession the other day and he's getting really, really confused. Jensen says stuff like I love you (even though Jared's pretty sure he meant it in a platonic way, he even was halfway through elaborating this to Chad before the line went dead) but then Jensen does Jared's laundry like a boyfriend and it's all fucking too much with Jared's head for his own good.
Later Jensen comes up to Jared's bedroom where Jared is hiding. He smiles almost shyly as he carries a laundry basket with freshly washed, ironed and neatly folded clothes. He shuffles into the room and doesn't meet Jared's eyes at first. When he sets them down on the bed, Jared grabs Jensen by the wrist and finally Jensen looks at him.
"I'm sorry about earlier," Jensen says. "I know I sometimes can get carried away."
Jared laughs loud and hard. Apparently so loud and hard that he startles Jensen. "Hear, hear. I'd say carried away is sort of an understatement, dude."
Jensen's eyes twinkle and he grins, so all is good. "Yeah, whatever. Just feel it. You'll thank me tomorrow when you squash your huge butt into your stinky briefs. Seriously."
He ducks the flying pillow easily and they both laugh hard, everything forgotten and forgiven.
"It's a miracle called fabric softener!" Jensen calls on his way out.
As soon as Jared's sure that Jensen is back downstairs and not hiding behind the door, he grabs a shirt from the pile of clothes and runs his hand over it. It's surprisingly nice and smooth and silky.
Of course, Jared's not going to admit it, but he really learns to appreciate the wonder that is fabric softener.
Step 05: A little sanitizer never did anybody any harm (there is no such thing as too clean)
Jared thinks he's been very patient with Jensen and his OCD. He endures the fortnightly spring cleaning, Jensen ordering him around and trying to teach him the fine techniques of proper mopping and dusting. He listens carefully when Jensen gives meaningful lectures about the correct folding and arranging of laundry. He even lets Jensen iron his underwear because apparently it makes him happy.
When Jensen develops an unhealthy relationship to all things sanitizers (for hands, mirrors, the floor, their shoes, stuff you spray on the toilet, on the doormat, the kitchen counters or even the TV set and the Xbox), Jared thinks they should talk about this. Jensen is obsessed with those wet tissues that he wipes over every and all surfaces and he always carries them around with him. It's rather disturbing.
He gets his chance a few days later.
Jared needs to take a piss and walks to the bathroom. He relieves himself, shakes the last drops off, tucks himself back in and heads to the kitchen to get a drink. It's no surprise that Jensen's wiping off the counters again with the wet sanitizer tissues. There's an expression of concentration on his face, his tongue poking out at the corner of his mouth. It's kinda adorable.
When he turns to Jared, Jensen's doing that squinty look again and Jared thinks that maybe he should be careful now. He decides to quietly get his drink from the fridge and leave Jensen to whatever smudges he's fighting this time.
"Wait!" Jensen almost yells. "Don't. Touch. Anything!"
There's a look of utter shock on Jensen's face as if he just saw the ghost of his dead grandmother. He's staring at Jared as if she were standing right behind him.
"I- I just want a drink," Jared says calmly. He takes another step toward the fridge and now Jensen does that dangerous, deadly glare.
"Did you wash your hands?" he growls.
"What?"
Jensen's body is tense, like a wild animal that's going to jump onto its prey any second. Jared doesn't like this look at all. "Did. You. Wash. Your. Hands?" Jensen repeats.
"I, uh," Jared stammers.
The look of shock is getting even worse (Jared didn't think it was possible) and Jared fears Jensen's heart is going to stop beating any second. "Jared! You dirty slob! This is so fucking disgusting!"
Before Jared can defend himself, Jensen is right in his personal space, pinning him against the fridge and wipes his hands with the goddamn wet tissues. Next he grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer and squirts some cool faint blue stuff onto Jared's hands. The smell is horrible but Jensen doesn't seem to care as he's apparently on a mission.
He rubs Jared's hands, killing each and every germ that once might have lived on them. And while he's at it, he's probably killing the natural acid mantle too. So much for being helpful. Jared feels like he is four years old again. Like, when his mother would spit one a tissue and wipe his mouth after Jared made a mess eating ice cream at the park.
That's it, Jared has had enough. Before Jensen gets any other ideas, he gives his shoulders a firm shove and says, "This stops now."
Jensen blinks at him. "What stops now?"
"Your- your obsessive behavior," Jared says quickly, doing some flaily gesture with his hand because he thinks that'll make his point clearer. He thinks he's been more than patient with Jensen but he's reached a point where he can't take it anymore.
"It's not obsessive," Jensen defends himself.
Jared tries to concentrate on Jensen's face but it's impossible to miss how the muscles of his chest twitch underneath his palm. Concentrate, Jared, concentrate.
"Okay. Compulsive. You need therapy, Jensen," Jared says. He really tries not to sound too accusative but yeah, Jensen needs help.
"A little sanitizer never did anybody any harm," Jensen almost shrieks. The fact that he sounds so ridiculously defensive only incites Jared to keep going.
"You're turning our home into a fucking clinic. McDreamy could perform surgery on the kitchen floor!"
Jensen cocks an eyebrow at him and when he asks, "Who?" Jared cracks up. Jensen keeps giving him that look and Jared can't stop laughing for a few minutes. Quickly, he forgets that he was mad at Jensen - they've always had a hard time being angry at each other.
Not having moved, Jensen is still ridiculously close to him, so close that Jared can smell the faint scent of sanitizer, sweat and Jensen. Jensen licks his lips and that is not helping at all. He looks so kissable and all Jared would have to do is lean forward a little, only two or three inches and then he could feel Jensen's mouth on his.
This is seriously fucking with his mind. Jared shakes his head, trying to clear it.
"Jensen, this has to change, really. It's driving me insane," he says softly. Pleadingly. "I know you love a clean home but, dude, really, you're overdoing it. Can- can you maybe try and keep the sanitizer to a minimum, please?"
Jared has to admit that his place has become a lot cleaner since Jensen moved in and he likes that his house is cleaner too. But when he starts to realize that this is more of a hospital than a home where two guys and two dogs live in, then Jared thinks something's going a little wrong. On the other hand though, he really doesn't want to upset Jensen or make him think he doesn't appreciate all of it. He knows that Jensen only means well, obsessive-compulsive disorder or not.
He puts a hand on Jensen's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze, feeling the strong muscles twitch.
Jensen looks at him from underneath his eyelashes, a soft smile on his face. "Uh, I'll try. But-"
"But what?" Jared interrupts.
Jensen's smirks, mischievous and cheeky and Jared knows everything's going to be all right. "Under one condition." He pauses. "You try stop being so sloppy. Like, let's start with the clothes. Don't leave your clothes scattered everywhere, okay?"
"Okay, mother," Jared snickers. It earns him a cuff in the head but Jensen laughs too and grins. Call him a sap, but this is the most beautiful facial expression on Jensen, the one he wears best.
Step 06: Benefits of teaching your roommate to not walk around stark naked and dripping wet in the house (educate him about the proper use of towels)
Things do get better. Not on the I have crush on my best friend front but at least when it comes to Jensen being addicted to all kinds of sanitizers. Jared keeps his promise of not scattering his clothes anymore and Jensen seems to be very pleased.
Now that the crisis with the sanitizers has been adverted, it turns out that Jensen has other obsessions. Like, he has a weird thing about putting things in the fridge that normal people don't put in there. Jared doesn't even know why he's surprised anymore.
One morning he accidentally eats Jensen's facial cream or whatever that was. He's actually attempting to smear cream cheese on his bagel, but being half asleep still, he reaches for the wrong package and puts anti-aging stuff on his bread instead of cheese. It only takes one bite to figure it out.
Right next to the orange juice (that is next to the milk, all labels facing the door), Jensen puts his shampoo. Jared laughs when he first sees it but Jensen explains something about it being natural shampoo and that it's custom made for him and that the consistency is best if he keeps it refrigerated. Jared laughs again, calls Jensen gay and accepts it for what it is. Another quirk.
He's rinsing off the lather of his shower gel when he notices that there is no bottle of shampoo in the shower. Jared looks around and then remembers that he threw it out the day before because it was empty. And that he forgot to replace it.
"Oh damn it," he curses and scratches at his balls, pondering what to do. He keeps thinking for a while, trying to recall whether he bought new one and whether it's just stashed away somewhere or whether he is totally out of shampoo.
Eventually, Jared gives up and decides to simply steal some of Jensen's from the fridge. He turns off the steam shower and gets out, totally not bothering with a towel. He won't be long anyway. Quickly, he waddles through the hallway toward the kitchen.
It's warm enough in the house that the cooling water on his skin doesn't make him shiver. At least not until he opens the fridge. When a breeze of chilly air washes over his skin, Jared's dick gives an unhappy twitch as if it was threatening to shrink on him. That would be unfortunate.
He grabs the shampoo and is just about to close the door when he hears a shrill shriek. Jared's about to apologize and tell Jensen that he doesn't need to worry - he'll get him a new bottle - when Jensen keeps screeching, "Jared! I totally just waxed that floor!"
Wait, why is Jensen even home?
Instinctively, Jared places the bottle protectively in front of his manly bits, hiding as much as he can. All of a sudden, he becomes incredibly self-conscious, he doesn't even know why. Usually he isn't, not around Jensen at least. Thing is, Jensen's seen him naked before and vice versa. Hell, Jensen still even irons Jared's goddamn underwear.
Maybe, maybe it's that look in Jensen's eyes: intrigued, curious, hungry. His pupils are dilated, his lips slightly parted. Oh yeah, Jensen's definitely checking him out.
They stare at each other for a few moments that seem like a lifetime to Jared. Jensen's skin is flushed, a rosy blush on his cheeks that spreads to his throat and ears. He bites his lip and looks at Jared with big eyes. His gaze wanders from Jared's face to his shoulders and pecs and if he didn't know better, he'd say that Jensen just followed Jared's happy trail.
Jared clears his throat uncomfortably and eventually, Jensen tears his gaze away. When Jensen looks him in the eyes, there's something he can't read in Jensen's expression and it irritates him to not end.
"Uh, I'm gonna get you a towel," Jensen says and is out of the kitchen faster than Jared can blink.
When he comes back, he averts his eyes, deliberately not gazing at Jared. Who's still standing stark naked and dripping water all over their kitchen. Jared's confused; the situation is way too surreal. He grabs Jensen by the wrist as Jensen holds out the towel for him and then asks, "Hey, you okay?"
Jensen meets his eyes only very briefly and mutters something about cleaning and waxing the floor. If Jared didn't know better, he'd say that Jensen is embarrassed because he caught him staring at him. Quickly, Jensen flees from him again.
Wrapping the towel around his hips, Jared follows him, only to find his door locked. He knocks against it and says, "Man, you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," Jensen croaks with a muffled voice. "Fuck off and shower, dickhead!"
Jared huffs a breath. Usually, he'd crack up because this is something Jensen would say with a shit-eating grin on his face and everything would be perfect. But this time, Jared's confused because the door is locked. Because Jensen gave him that really weird look and he doesn't want to face Jared. And fuck, because Jensen almost sounded as if he just groaned.
The last one is probably Jared's mind playing tricks on him so he shuffles toward the bathroom, but not without stopping by the kitchen to grab Jensen's pansy shampoo first.
When he's back in the shower, Jared ducks his head underneath the spray. He must be imagining things. At this point, he has to laugh at himself. This is probably nothing. Even though he knows he definitely shouldn't go there, he lets his mind wander off to Jensen moaning. Jared lets his fantasy run wild, picturing Jensen on the bed, hand down his pants as he jerks off to the image of Jared naked in the kitchen.
Closing his eyes, Jared slides his left hand down his slick body. He strokes his chest, his stomach and up again. He can see Jensen clearly, on the bed, his eyes squeezed shut as he works a hand over his dick, desperate for release. Jared doesn't hesitate as he adapts the actions he sees in his fantasies.
With a firm grip, he runs his hand along the shaft. Slow at first, the water providing just enough slickness to be comfortable. The spray feels like a soft caress on his skin, warm and welcomed. He allows himself to daydream about Jensen again. His mind then wanders to Jensen touching him, stroking him.
Jared's grasp becomes tighter as his arousal grows. It's warm and it's wet and it's perfect. The picture that pushes Jared over the edge is Jensen on his knees in front of him, stroking Jared's cock at the base while he uses his sinful lips to suck at the head.
He comes with a low growl, spilling all over his left hand and the wall of the shower stall. Panting softly, Jared takes a moment to enjoy the blissful blankness in his head. It'll be only a matter of time until he'll feel guilty about wanking to the image of his best friend, but that can still wait.
After he's recovered, Jared washes his hair and rinses lather and spunk off. He's maybe a little grateful for the introduction of fabric softener as he towels himself dry. By the time he's pulling on his PJs, the guilt has arrived and Jared heads directly to his bedroom, not checking on whether Jensen is okay.
Step 07: Pot o'Cocks (Cleaning everywhere and everything)
Surprisingly, they don't mention the incident again.
When Jared returns from another morning workout with the dogs, he's more than happy to see Jensen puttering around in the kitchen. He spots him by the stove and you know what, eggs or pancakes sound like a really good idea to him.
"I'm taking a shower," he shouts on his way up to the bathroom, already salivating when he thinks about breakfast. Jensen mutters something that Jared doesn't hear properly but he assumes it's not that important that it can't wait until after he's cleaned up.
There's no smell of freshly baked bacon, no smell of coffee or the clinking sound of glass and china when Jared comes back from his shower. He finds Jensen in the kitchen, his back to the door. Approaching him from an angle, Jared sees a look of concentration on Jensen's face. He's doing that thing where he pokes out the tip of his tongue when he's thinking. It's kinda cute.
It takes a moment for Jared to understand what he's seeing. And another few moments to really believe it.
Jensen is- he's… Jensen is- he's puttering around Jared's box of sex toys. The box he kept underneath his bed for whenever he had someone over for the night. Or that he sometimes used for, well, you know what... Oh God. Jensen is rubbing up and down one of Jared's dildos with a wet tissue!
"Jensen!" Jared shrieks, loud and shrill. He doesn't know how he looks - he's got an idea though - and when Jensen turns to him, there's an amused smile on his face.
"I was bored, so I cleaned today. While I tidied up under your bed, I found this box and I thought those things could use some sanitizing," Jensen explains.
And there it is, the bad word: sanitizing. Jensen not only cleaned Jared's sex toys, he sanitized them. He's not sure he wants to know how Jensen did that. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Jared's sure he's doing a pretty damn fine expression of fish out of water. He wants to say something, but he's too shocked, too shocked to make his mouth and voice cooperate.
"I boiled those in a pot of hot water with a bit of disinfectant," Jensen says, using the dildo in his hands to point at the box that's sitting on the kitchen counter. Jared can't stop staring at Jensen's face, totally not noticing where exactly he's pointing at.
"It's not gonna ruin the silicone, don't worry. Obviously, I didn't boil the vibrators. I didn't want to kill the magic, if you know what I mean," Jensen winks and he's the only one who laughs at his incredibly lame joke.
This can't be real. This is a nightmare and any second, the alarm clock will go off and Sadie and Harley are going to wake up and jump on Jared's bed.
It never happens. Instead, the insanity continues.
"And then, look," Jensen sounds excited now, "And then I rearranged them in the box. I grouped them, like, here on the left, there's your dildos, here's your buttplugs, there's the bondage stuff - handcuffs, gag, blindfold, whip, cockrings - are these nipple clamps?"
This stops now!
"Jensen!" Jared shrieks again but obviously, Jensen is too excited about explaining this sick thing to him that he only gets ignored.
Jensen simply keeps going and he has to realize that he never has been so aware of having that many sex toys. This is definitely a sign that he's been single for way too long. He needs to get laid. With someone else but his left hand. With a real person.
"And here's your vibrators and your lubes." After a short pause, Jensen adds, voice so low that Jared barely hears him, "And that, I don't know what that is."
"It's an enema kit," Jared says dryly. At this point, nothing but sarcasm, cynicism or pure bluntness helps.
"Oh," Jensen breathes. He bites his lip again, he almost looks shy. Jared nearly falls for it when Jensen says, "All right then."
Jared runs a hand over his face, not believing that he's having this conversation with Jensen. He feels betrayed with Jensen overstepping a clear boundary. After taking a few deep breaths - he clearly needs them - Jared raises his voice, "Jen, man, listen. This is not an okay thing to do. I know you mean well, dude, and I appreciate it, but this is taking things too far. You- you can't just go through my most personal belongings like that."
Jensen at least has the decency to look genuinely guilty. He hangs his head, his shoulders and arms are slouched, the dildo (oh God, the dildo) pointing to the ground. Jensen's gaze is everywhere but on Jared.
A few long, painful seconds pass. Jared's panting so hard that all he can hear is his own breathing. And then it happens. A fierce blush creeps upon Jensen's face. It starts with his cheeks, a rosy red at first, spreading further and further until it reaches his throat and ears and turns them into a dark crimson color.
Jensen looks like the red of a traffic light. He still doesn't meet Jared's eyes and he speaks very softly and quietly. "Oh God. Man, I- I didn't even think. I, shit, Jared, I'm so sorry."
Jared takes a few more breaths. Sure, he's angry and he's disappointed but he doesn't want to fight. From the way Jensen doesn't even look at him, Jared knows that Jensen's aware of his mistake and that he's truly sorry.
"Listen, Jen," Jared says. "We can't go on like this. I- I need reassurance that even though we're living together, you'll respect my boundaries just like I respect yours."
He pauses. Jensen nods but doesn't comment so Jared goes on.
"You know that I care for you and that I love you," - so, so much, he wants to say - "like a brother-"
This is when Jensen finally looks up. He's still blushing furiously but underneath it all, Jared could have sworn he just saw disappointment. As if Jensen wanted to tell him, really? A brother? That's all?
Jared chases the thought away because this is clearly just wishful thinking.
"I know we talked about this before. And I know that you love a clean home. Really, I don't care and I'm not saying you can't keep the house as clean as you want. Even though I sometimes just don't understand you."
Jared grins. He gave up trying to comprehend Jensen's love for sanitizers, his obsession with the Handy Vac or his need to spring clean every other week. Jensen smiles weakly at him but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that he's embarrassed so much by this situation.
"But really, when you do all these things, you have to promise me that you're not going to cross any lines. Okay?"
Jared keeps his voice soft, keeps the anger out of it. When Jensen finally, finally looks at him again, there's a shy, insecure smile on his face. Jensen bites his lip and doesn't hold Jared's gaze for long, another clear sign that he's still embarrassed.
"Yeah, I promise," he croaks.
For Jared this is enough. He doesn't think he needs to complicate this situation even further. Jensen apologized earnestly and Jared knows that at least for a while his sex toys are safe from Jensen.
Speaking of sex toys.
Jared's gaze drops to Jensen's hand where Jensen's still clutching the dildo he was cleaning as if his life depended on it. With a grin, Jared reaches for it and takes it away from Jensen. Jensen's mouth opens a little, the soft shape of an O. His lips are shining wetly and fuck, if he doesn't look ridiculously kissable right now.
Jared wants to place the toy into the box and take it out of sight so that they both can pretend that this never happened and that everything is peachy and perfect as always. He never gets that chance. Just as he wants to pull away his hand, Jensen grabs him by the wrist in a tight grip and jerks him forward. Jared has to put his hands on Jensen's chest and hip in order not to tumble and fall and before he can register properly what's happening, Jensen is pressing his mouth to Jared's.
Jensen. Is. Kissing. Him.
For a few seconds, it's just lips on lips. No tongue, no finesse. Jensen takes a step back, the perfect deer in headlight expression on his face.
"Fuck, Jay, I- I'm so sorry. I don't know why, I-"
Before Jensen can flee from him entirely, Jared turns the tables. He grabs Jensen by the wrist and gives it a jerk so that Jensen stumbles forward this time. As soon as Jensen lands in his arms, Jared closes his mouth over Jensen's. It all happens in a matter of seconds, yet it seems like a lifetime until he feels Jensen's lips on his again.
He places his arm around Jensen's middle to stop him from wriggling away. He feels how Jensen is tense and unmoving, not trying to get away though. When Jared opens his mouth a little, sliding out his tongue and swiping it gently over Jensen's soft, plush bottom lip, Jensen's posture relaxes steadily.
Hesitantly, Jensen parts his lips, allowing Jared to find his tongue with his own. It's only the tips at first, slow and careful; exploring and tentative. Jensen's mouth is warm and soft - and it tastes of toothpaste and mouthwash. Not that Jared is surprised, now that he thinks about it. Not with Jensen changing his toothbrush every week and flossing his teeth for about ten minutes after brushing them forever each morning and night.
Jared needs to stop thinking about Jensen's oral hygiene and concentrate on the task at hand. An undeniable hunger grows inside him and he tightens his arm around Jensen, pulls him just a little closer and deepens the kiss. Jensen's hands come up to Jared's biceps and he clings to Jared like there is no tomorrow. This is when Jensen starts responding, gets into the kiss and kisses Jared back. Carefully at first but soon enough, demanding and determined.
Jensen is biting at Jared's bottom lip when Jared pulls away.
"I'm not," Jared breathes. He can barely concentrate with Jensen so close, with Jensen's mouth spit-wet and raw; well-kissed.
Leave it to Jensen to totally ruin the moment: "What?" he asks, leaning back as far as he can and blinking at Jared.
There's a look of confusion on his face and Jared doesn't understand why.
"I'm not sorry, Jensen," Jared spells it out again for him. He thinks he was perfectly clear. The confused look is replaced by a soft, coy smile. Jensen bites his lip and Jared wants nothing more than to kiss him again. When Jensen looks at him from underneath his (incredibly long) eyelashes, Jared bends down again. But he doesn't get very far.
"Oh," Jensen says. "I- I'm not sorry either then."
If people could spontaneously combust of glee, Jared thinks this would be his moment. Jensen smiles again, it's a bit unsure, but it's a smile.
When Jared whispers, "Hey, come here," he doesn't even have to pull all that much because Jensen comes willingly. Their lips meet halfway and it's already a little more familiar. Kissing Jensen is like everything else: pretty much perfect. After a few tentative licks and bites and swipes of tongues, their mouths fit flawlessly together.
The longer Jared keeps kissing Jensen, the more his hunger grows. He tries to detach his hips from Jensen's without breaking the contact of the rest of their bodies more than necessary. It's no surprise to Jared that he's getting hard so easily.
He's currently standing in his kitchen, making out with what has been the material of his fantasies for a very long time, he hasn't gotten laid in forever and this is all very much real. It turns out Jensen is an amazing kisser. He sure knows how to use that mouth of his. The idea of what else Jensen could do with it leads to a steadily growing hardness.
When Jensen breaks their kiss, biting and nipping from Jared's lips to his jaw to his throat and ears, Jared lets him.
"I've wanted you for so long," Jensen whispers. "I've been wanting you so bad."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Jared blurts out.
Jensen leans back until they're looking each other in the eye. He shifts his body until Jared's hard-on is pressed against Jensen's side. Licking his lips and giving Jared a dirty grin, Jensen asks, "Well, why didn't you say anything sooner?"
Good point.
Jared could beat himself up over for the fact that he didn't listen to Chad - don't think about Chad right now - and that he didn't confess to Jensen sooner, but then he concludes that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because all he cares about right in this moment is that he has Jensen now.
Apparently, Jensen is in a similar situation. When he turns his body another bit, Jared isn't really surprised to feel the evidence of Jensen's arousal. He lets him hump his leg, pushing one of his thighs between Jensen's. Jensen groans happily and clings a little harder to Jared. It's the most beautiful sound Jared has ever heard, a lot more beautiful than Jared had ever imagined. (Not that Jared imagined it often, well, just sometimes. Or something.)
Jared's (gladly) torn out of his train of thoughts when Jensen moans wetly against his ear. "I want to fuck. I need you to fuck me."
Who's Jared to say no to that?
To part 2