A promise is a promise - R - Jensen/Jared
Title: A promise is a promise
Author: benitle
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: R
Summary: The girls have their annual ballet performance. With each minute that passes, Jensen's anger and frustration grows. This time he fears, Jared's not going to keep his promise and be there.
Word count, warnings: 7232 words, AU
Notes: Many, many thanks to _doodle for the awesome input and feedback during the writing process. Also many, many thanks to slytherinblack and thelonejuliet for betaing and helping me improve this greatly! I did some re-writing after beta so all remaining mistakes are mine.
This is another sequel to Blended and blessed, an AU where Jensen and Jared are single fathers who meet because their children keep punching each other at school. This is set circa two years later. More of this universe under this tag: Blended and blessed 'verse.
This is a piece of fiction and I'm not associated with any of the people mentioned in this fic. Feedback is appreciated greatly. Please enjoy!
"Hey baby," Jensen says, looking into the rearview mirror and at Audrey in the backseat of the car. "What's up?"
On their way to the community center, Sophie has been chattering happily about the ballet performance they are about to participate in, while Audrey has been strangely quiet for most of the drive. Jensen can't deny that the sad look on her face worries him, that her silence makes an uneasy feeling spread in his guts.
No answer.
"Come on, princess," Jensen tries again. "Aren't you excited about the ballet? Aren't you looking forward to dancing?"
When Audrey still doesn't answer, he already thinks of other possible ways to make his daughter spill whatever's upsetting her. But before Jensen even has the chance to ask again, Audrey says, "Is Jared coming too? I want Jared to come too, daddy."
Audrey's expression and the defeat in her voice make Jensen's stomach clench once more as his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Their eyes meet in the rearview mirror and with determination, Jensen says, "Of course, he's going to be there, Audrey."
He hopes this is not a promise he's going to break.
About an hour later, Jensen checks his watch, for the third time in about five minutes, annoyance and frustration rising with each second that passes. He fidgets in his seat uneasily. The plastic chair in the hall of their community center is hard and uncomfortable while he waits for the stage to be filled with little ballerinas.
It's not Sophie and Audrey's first show since they started ballet, and also not the first since they all became a family but this doesn't decrease the girls' excitement in any way. They've barely talked about anything else the last few weeks.
Jensen glances at his watch again. Ten minutes until the performance starts and still no sign of Jared. It's a late Saturday afternoon and Jared should not have been working at all this weekend because of the girls' ballet, but a call from his boss threw a monkey wrench in their plans. Jensen checks the time again.
Jared's been working an awful lot lately and based on Audrey's comment back in the car, Jensen knows that he's not the only one who misses him. Earlier Jensen assured Audrey and Sophie that Jared was going to make it in time but now he's no longer sure. He tried calling Jared three times in the last ten minutes but all he got was the voicemail.
Jensen thinks back to the argument he had with Jared last night. It was not necessarily a fight but maybe more of a heated discussion during which Jensen tried to make it clear to Jared that this is important to the girls and that Jared needs to come too.
Jared assured him that he was aware of this and Jensen believed him of course. He knows that Jared isn't stupid and that he didn't have to tell Jared. But lately Jared's been so caught up with work that he was late for dinner a few times, that he even missed a family picnic once and generally he worked a lot during the weekend. So Jensen thought it wouldn't hurt to remind him. Even though Jared's aware of how important it is to the girls that both of them attend their ballet performance, Jensen thought he should reemphasize it. At the end of their discussion, Jared agreed and promised that he'd make it.
This doesn't change the fact that Jared's got another five minutes until the start of the performance and that he's running out of time with each second that passes. Jensen feels his stomach cramp at the idea of having to see Sophie and Audrey's disappointed little faces once they realize that Jared's not there.
Jensen's torn out of his thoughts as someone calls his name. When he looks to the side, he sees Mrs. Mohan stopping next to him, apparently passing him by on her way to her own seat. There's a false smile plastered all over her face as she stands next to him and looks down on him. Her daughter, Mandy, is in the girls' ballet group and she's friends with Audrey and Sophie, so Jensen forces himself to smile at her and be nice, even though he doesn't feel like it. Jensen remains seated, not bothering to get up. He briefly nods at her and hopes she'll disappear any minute.
Jensen and Jared's coming out was received well by most other parents they know either through the girls' school or ballet group. Most parents. While the Mohans never said anything outwardly homophobic, they've been weird around Jensen and Jared. During previous talks, they've hinted how they believe in conservative, classical family structures and values and how they disapprove of Jensen and Jared's lifestyle. Usually, Jensen's pretty good at not caring about other people's opinions, but something in the look she gives him hits him hard.
He doesn't say anything to her as he studies her quickly, taking in her bleached blonde hair, her Botox-marked face, her fake, slightly orange tan and her clothes that are probably more expensive than what Jensen and Jared make in a month, combined. But he doesn't get the chance to say anything anyway. Her fake smile turns into fake pity, and then she asks, voice smug and only short of taunting, "Oh, your partner couldn't make it?"
Jensen decides he's going to kill Jared as soon as Jared sets foot back home tonight, but right now, he's not giving Mrs. Mohan any satisfaction. He forces another smile onto his face and clenches and unclenches his fists a few times. He's reached the point where he's no longer frustrated or annoyed at Jared but furious.
It's bad enough that he'll have to deal with his daughters' disappointment and Jared's guilt and his own anger, but having to endure another parent's mocking is the icing on the cake.
He opens his mouth to speak as the lights are dimmed in the hall and the spotlights for the stage are turned on. All around him, people end their chatter while the latecomers hastily search for the best remaining seats. Jensen removes his jacket from the chair next to him that he used to reserve a spot for Jared in the first row and then he snarls, his voice harsher than he intended to, "He's very busy-"
He doesn't get any further than that.
Because then six-foot-five of clumsy Jared Padalecki stumble along the middle aisle, excusing himself for nearly tripping over people and finally making his way to the front. Jared comes to a stand next to Mrs. Mohan and Jensen assumes that he looks just as surprised as her, judging from Jared's confused expression.
"Oh, hi," Jared says and then he lets himself fall onto the vacant chair next to Jensen.
Almost immediately, Jensen snaps out of his state of shock and he glares at Jared. He's still furious and ready to jump at Jared's throat. But when he looks to the side and sees Mrs. Mohan's face, a warm feeling spreads through his belly. His victory doesn't last long though. For a short moment, she's bright red but soon enough, she regains her composure and eyes Jared up and down. She gives Jensen another pointed look and then she says, "Looks like your partner still decided to come after all."
Before Jensen can even say something, she turns on her heels and walks off toward her husband, who's waving at her from only a few seats away. Jensen's reminded with brutal force that he's mad at Jared, his anger coming back with a vengeance. Though once Mrs. Mohan's finally gone, he sighs in relief. He runs a hand over his face, glad Jared's there.
Jared slumps down in his chair and releases a deep breath, apparently totally oblivious to Jensen's anger. Turning to Jensen, he presses a soft kiss to his lips. At first, Jensen's taken aback, still surprised that Jared made it less than five minutes before the start of the performance. He's stiff and paralyzed, but Jared either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it. They don't even have the time to say anything as the music starts and everyone's attention shifts to the stage.
It only takes a few moments before there's a hand stroking softly over Jensen's thigh and squeezing it slightly. As soon as Jared's hand is on his leg, Jensen tenses even more, but he doesn't remove it, intent on not making a scene. While Jensen's watching the stage, Jared leans over for another kiss, his lips only ghosting over the little spot behind Jensen's ear.
He's still mad at Jared and he's definitely going to talk to him about nearly being late, but as the performance starts, he decides not to ruin it for the girls by picking a fight. After all, Jared is there. That's all that matters for now.
Jensen looks back at the stage and when Jared takes Jensen's hand in his, Jensen lets him. Jared's touch is light, his strokes soft as the first ballerinas appear from behind the curtain.
Sophie is the first of their daughters to join the performance. Together with lots of other girls, she comes onto the stage and gets in line. Just like the last few times Audrey and Sophie participated in a dance show, their class had to be split into two groups because there are so many girls. On the side of the stage, Jensen spots Mrs. Johnson, Audrey and Sophie's teacher, giving some last minute instructions. She's one of many at the school but she's clearly the girls' favorite.
Sophie and all the other girls do a routine, taking turns here and there. She's grinning broadly and Jensen's not entirely sure she's supposed to smile like that or whether maybe she should look a little more thoughtful, but it only warms his heart because she seems so happy and she loves what she does. And that makes Jensen happy too. He relaxes in his seat as he watches his daughter dance so beautifully, some of the tension finally easing away from him.
Her dancing looks great to him and Jensen swells with so much pride that he fears he's going to burst any minute. He steals a glance to the side, watching Jared for only a split second. Jared's eyes are glued to the stage as he follows each and every move of his daughter. There's a huge grin on Jared's face and Jensen is torn between being happy and proud and still being mad.
Jared squeezes Jensen's hand quickly and when Jensen looks at him again, he's all broad grin and teeth and dimples. Jared gives Jensen a chaste kiss on the lips before his eyes immediately go back to the stage. Some more of the anger and tension inside Jensen fade. He hates himself a little at the moment because Jared has him wrapped around his finger so easily.
Then it's Audrey's turn to make an appearance. Sophie's group is bustling from the stage, making room for the second part of the class. There's a lump in Jensen's throat when he sees the slightly sad look on her face. Apparently, she's convinced that Jared's not there, her disappointment so clearly visible. This is exactly the look Jensen didn't want to see on his daughter's face. When he glances to the side, he sees that Jared's face is covered with a frown and a confused expression.
Jared leans over to Jensen and keeping his voice down, he whispers against Jensen's ear, "Is Audrey okay?"
Jensen glares at Jared and says nothing more than, "Not now, Jared."
From the look on Jared's face he can tell that Jared wants to press the matter further, that he wants to ask another question, but Jensen's not up for explaining this to Jared right now. Instead, he'll let him figure it out on his own.
Jensen's stomach clenches and his anger at Jared increases again. Audrey shouldn't look so sad when she's doing something she loves. She should beam like Sophie and be happy. She should be able to rely on her parents. She should be sure that when her parents promise her to be there for her, that they will.
As she dances, her eyes scan over the audience, probably looking for Jensen. He can tell the exact moment she spots Jared. For a split second, she looks startled and then one of the biggest grins Jensen has ever seen spreads over her face. Her eyes are certainly not on him but definitely on Jared. Audrey gives even a little wave, and again, Jensen's convinced she shouldn't be doing that, but it doesn't matter when Jared's hand lets go of his own so that Jared can wave back.
The performance carries on and after Audrey's group is done with their routine, they are joined by Sophie's group for the whole class to finish with a final dance together. Jensen realizes for the first time that the girls are damn good. Sure, they don't dance like professional dancers but compared to their peers, they are really, really good. He's seen Sophie and Audrey practice at home a few times. However he's never been able to tell just how good they are because he only ever saw his own daughters. Looking at them now makes him proud; it makes him happy.
When the music ends and all ballerinas come back onto the stage to bow, indicating that the last dance is over, Jared doesn't hesitate one second before he practically jumps up from his seat and claps his hands together. Jensen and many other parents join, the applause becoming louder and louder.
There are about 30 children on the stage, grinning broadly and waving at their parents. There are people whistling and shouting "bravo!" as the audience doesn't calm down for a while. The final round of applause is for Mrs. Johnson, the ballet teacher.
Following Sophie's and Audrey's groups, there are several more routines, performed by older, more advanced children. After the very last dance, there is plenty more applause and Mrs. Johnson reappears on the stage.
Once the people in the hall are silent enough for her to speak, she thanks the audience for coming and then she points out that there's coffee and cake in the foyer and that the revenue will be used for renovations of the community center. Jensen doesn't feel like hanging around any longer. All he wants is to go home with his family, but he has this gut feeling that tells him this is not going to happen.
When Jensen turns to the side, he sees Jared smile at him. Somehow this only reminds him that he's mad at Jared, so Jensen doesn't return the smile. A confused look flashes across Jared's face and sometimes Jensen finds it equally cute and annoying that Jared can be so clueless.
Today's clearly not one of these days. Today, Jared's cluelessness only makes Jensen even more annoyed. Jared then bends forward to kiss Jensen and with a stern look on his face, Jensen takes a step back.
"Jensen, what's wrong?" Jared asks.
Jensen takes a deep breath and makes sure to keep his voice low. He'd rather wait until they're back home because he really doesn't want to make a scene in front of everyone. "We'll discuss this at home," Jensen half-snarls, half-pleads.
One of Jared's eyebrows quirks up and his lip twitches a little. He takes another step toward Jensen and his hand lands on Jensen's upper arm. His thumb strokes ever so softly and Jensen has to try really hard not to give in and forgive Jared everything just because of one simple touch.
"Talk to me, man," Jared whispers, his hand tightening to a grip around Jensen's biceps.
"Jared," Jensen warns. "We are not discussing this in public in front of everyone. I told you, we'll talk about this at home. I don't want to hear another word about this now. "
Jared looks at him like a kicked puppy and it takes all of Jensen's strength not to just forget about the matter and pretend nothing had happened in the first place. But Jared's actions are the reason their daughters are upset and miserable, believing that he broke a promise he made repeatedly. Jensen's always believed that you shouldn't make promises unless you know you can keep them.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you so mad at me?" Jared asks.
This only increases the heat in Jensen's stomach, Jared's stupid stubbornness even though Jensen told him to stop asking. Once more, he has to try really hard to keep his voice down. "I'm repeating it one last time. Let. It. Go."
Jared opens his mouth to speak and Jensen's this close to simply turning around and walking away and into the foyer when they're interrupted by Tara, another mother whose daughter is a friend of Audrey's and Sophie's. Jensen and Jared are friends with Tara and her husband Bill themselves. She looks as if she's ready to give birth any day, even though she's only in her seventh month. Slowly, she waddles her way over to Jensen and Jared.
"Jensen, Jared!" she exclaims, totally unaware of the tense scene in front of her.
Jensen forces a smile onto his face and when he glances to the side, he sees that Jared is doing the same. No signs of their argument visible are on their faces anymore.
"Tara," Jensen says. "How are you? How are Bill and the kids?"
Jared even has the nerve to place an arm around Jensen's waist. When Jensen tenses, Jared only pulls him a little closer. Jensen's extremely tempted to kill Jared.
Tara smiles, stroking her round belly. "I'm ready to stab Bill twenty four seven and I'm also ready to get this little one out, but apart from that we're good. How are you?"
"Just peachy," Jensen says as he tries to wriggle free of Jared's grip which only results in Jared tightening his arm around Jensen and digging his fingers into Jensen's side. Jensen wants to yelp but thinks better of it last minute.
"I'm sorry but I don't have much time since we still have to visit Bill's parents tonight," she makes a face that once more reminds Jensen what Tara thinks about her mother-in-law. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask whether you guys and the girls would like to join us at our barbeque next weekend. We'd be happy if you could make it." Tara smiles again, a hopeful look on her face.
Turning to glance at Jared, Jensen sees a questioning expression on his face. Nodding quickly, he signalizes Jared his okay.
"We'd totally love to," Jared says.
This only makes Tara smile even brighter. "Perfect! I'll call you to let you know the time. Please excuse me now or else Bill will start yelling and blowing the horn. You know how he gets."
She gives them a wink and when Jared bends forward to give her a kiss on the cheek, his grip around Jensen loosens, allowing Jensen to slip free. Jensen kisses Tara's cheek too, and as soon as she's gone, he heads toward the dressing rooms to see whether the girls are already changed. Jensen's not even looking back to see whether Jared follows him as he walks off.
By the time he makes it to the changing room, Jared has caught up with him. Immediately, Jared's hand lands back on Jensen's arm and he says Jensen's name, pleadingly. Over the months he's been living with Jared, Jensen has realized that Jared loves harmony more than anything. Jared's the kind of guy who wants to be happy, who doesn't enjoy tension and fights. He only wants the people around him to get along.
Just as Jensen wants to snarl at Jared to leave him the fuck alone for a few moments and to give him a bit of space, Audrey and Sophie come out of the dressing room, squealing, "Daddy! Daddy!"
After glaring at each other for another split second, Jensen and Jared shift their attention to their daughters, taking them into their arms and squeezing them tight.
"You were great!" Jensen says happily, giving Sophie a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Then he kisses Audrey and tells her the same. But Audrey doesn't have any eyes for him today. When Jared lets go of her and stands up, she practically clings to him. Or his leg rather. Jared gives Jensen a confused look because usually Sophie is the more affectionate of the two girls and this kind of behavior seems un-Audrey-like. Jensen only glares at Jared again. Jared takes Audrey by the hand then and together they walk into the foyer. She's quiet and not once does she let go of his hand.
Sophie to the contrary, starts babbling about how Mrs. Johnson said she did great and how she wants to be a ballerina because this is so much fun. She does a few more turns in front of Jensen, and Jensen reassures her each time how great she is. She chatters happily about how Mrs. Johnson said she could go to the group of grown-ups now, even though Jensen doubts she said it like that. Higher level, maybe, but not grown-ups. The girls are only eight, after all.
Once they've reached the foyer, the awkwardness between Jensen and Jared becomes even stronger. There's lots of people eating cake and drinking coffee, lots of children bustling around. They find a somewhat quiet corner and when Jared looks at Jensen, he asks, "D'you want a coffee?"
Through silent consent they seem to have agreed that they'll stay for a coffee, support a good cause and then go home as soon as possible. So Jensen nods and when Jared tries to walk off to the desk where some parents are selling coffee and cake, Audrey clings to his leg again, making it nearly impossible for Jared to go.
"Hey baby," Jared says softly as he crouches down to be on eye level. "What's wrong?"
He kisses Audrey but she only holds onto him as if there is a danger of Jared disappearing any minute. For a split second, Jensen pities Jared as he looks helpless and unsure what to do. He decides not to make this even harder for any of them, so he says, "Sophie, can you stay with Jared for a few minutes? I'll be right back."
Sophie nods and Jared gives Jensen a grateful look as he holds on to Audrey. Jensen makes sure to be quick to get the two coffees and to return to his family. Not that he fears Jared isn't able to look after two girls, but he wants to be done with this and go home.
They sip their coffee in silence. At first it's only Sophie talking about how she's going to be a famous Broadway dancer and how she's going to dance in Europe in front of large audiences. Audrey is silent and keeps holding Jared's hand. Jared looks confused and Jensen avoids his gaze as best as he can. After a while Sophie becomes quiet too, apparently noticing that something's off between her two daddies.
Their way back home is just as silent and tense as previously at the community center. Jensen and Jared hardly speak with each other, or rather Jared tries every once in a while but Jensen only gives short answers. Instead, they try to make the girls talk, but that doesn't really work either.
Once the front door closes behind them, Jensen releases the breath he wasn't aware of holding. Audrey and Sophie drop their bags in the hallway before they set off for the kitchen, demanding hot chocolate and cookies as an evening snack. Jensen is happy with any kind of distraction he can get and every chance that will put off the inevitable fight with Jared a little longer.
Jared joins them in the kitchen as the girls sit at the table with cookies, waiting patiently as Jensen prepares the hot chocolate. Jensen sets the mugs down in front of the girls as Jared's hand lands on top of his arm. With a questioning look, he turns to Jared.
There's a determined expression on Jared's face, an expression that tells Jensen he's not going to accept any excuses anymore.
"Can I please talk to you in private, Jensen?" Jared says, his voice matching the look on his face.
Jensen knows there's not much sense in avoiding the issue any further. It's only going to make things worse and it's not that he wants to fight with Jared. He just can't help it. So he nods and follows Jared out of the kitchen and into the living room.
"What's wrong with you, Jensen?" Jared alleges.
His voice is fierce and Jensen takes a step back, not liking the accusation and Jared's tone at all.
"What?" Jensen snaps.
He's the one who's got a right to be mad, not Jared, at least the way he sees it. Jared is the one who upset Audrey and Sophie, who nearly ruined something for them that they should be excited about. It's Jared who nearly did not make it to their daughters' ballet performance even though he promised more than once. Jared's the one who made the girls believe they'd been lied to when he said he'd be there.
Jensen really thinks that Jared has absolutely no right to talk to him like that.
"What's wrong with you?" Jared repeats. "You've been weird and on edge since the performance. What's your problem?"
Jared's breathing heavily and his cheeks are flushed. There's heat in his voice and Jensen knows that Jared must be trying hard to keep his voice down. The last thing they need is to fight in front of the girls. That's something they try to avoid. Arguments happen between parents but Jensen has always believed their children shouldn't have to witness them.
Then Jensen hisses, "What was the stunt you pulled earlier? Did you really have to turn up last minute?"
"Wait? That's why you've been pissy all evening? Because I only turned up five minutes before the start?" Jared looks as if Jensen just slapped him in the face. His expression is open and wide with shock.
But Jensen doesn't stop there, the rage in his belly coming back with a vengeance. He really doesn't want to shout so he tries to keep his voice as calm as possible but still he doesn't manage to keep the heat out completely. "You know what? When I was in the car with the girls, Audrey asked whether you'd come. She wasn't even sure, Jared!"
"What's the matter, Jensen? I made it!" Jared defends himself, his voice raising a little too.
"But you nearly didn't! Just like you nearly didn't make it to the parent-teacher conference. And do I have to remind you that you actually missed the family picnic for their school class? Or last week when you were so caught up in work that you couldn't pick the girls up from school like we had agreed and by the time you called me, I was already twenty minutes late? This didn't happen for the first time, Jared. Audrey thought that you wouldn't come. You should only make promises when you're sure you can keep them!"
Jensen doesn't know whether he should have said that but it's out faster than he can stop his mouth. He's no longer thinking clearly, he's trapped in a swirl of anger, slowly spinning out of control.
"But I did! I was there, Jensen! And you know that I already apologized more than once for missing the picnic," Jared says. "I don't understand your problem!"
This only makes Jensen flip out even more. He can't put a name on the rage he feels because apparently Jared doesn't understand what this is about at all. It's not about making it or not. It's about their children being upset.
"Until Audrey saw you in the audience, she was convinced you wouldn't come. Until then she'd been upset over it, Jared. That sad look when she was on stage? She was convinced you weren't there! She thought you'd let her down, Jared! Don't you want to or can't you get my point? Didn't you see how she was clinging to you afterwards?" At this point, Jensen is yelling at Jared, no longer managing to keep his voice down.
"Jensen…"
Jared doesn't get further than that as Jensen interrupts him harshly and angrily.
"Maybe it's time you stop putting your job before your daughters and your boyfriend again. We obviously miss you and we've got the impression of only being second place to you! We're sick of being less important to you than your fucking job!"
Only slowly, Jensen registers what he just threw at Jared, what he just shouted at him from the top of his lungs. They agreed they'd never do this, fight for Audrey and Sophie to hear and right now, Jensen feels guiltier for his daughters having to hear their daddies yelling at each other than telling Jared the truth.
Jared's been working an awful lot lately and everyone's missed him. In theory, Jensen knows that this is only partly Jared's fault because on top of being understaffed, like always, one of Jared's colleagues is down with a broken leg. But still, he thinks that Jared could, and should, say no more often when being asked to work extra hours.
The girls had to cope with Jared not being around and so did Jensen. Not only did he have to look after the two girls by himself but he can't even remember the last time they had sex. So yeah, Jared's been missed emotionally and physically.
"Wow!" Jared says. There's a look of shock on his face and his voice sounds small and hurt. "You know you're not being fair. You fucking well know that I try to be there for you and the girls as much as I can. Don't accuse me of anything that's not true!"
Jensen wants to argue that it is true, that Jared's spent way too much time at work lately and that he's needed at home, but he never gets the chance.
"Daddy," a small voice comes from the kitchen.
Both Jensen and Jared look to where it's coming from and they see Audrey and Sophie standing in the doorframe that leads from the kitchen to the living room. Their eyes are filled with tears and their lips are trembling.
Jensen runs a hand over his face and forces himself to calm down. Letting his nerves show will not do any good for anyone. With a quick glance to Jared and a small nod Jensen and Jared agree that the argument is over for now and that they'll continue discussing this later.
Immediately, they walk to the girls and hold them close, each one daughter. Audrey's hand fists in Jensen's shirt and when he wants to stand up again so that he can look at her, she doesn't let go. Without a second thought, he picks her up and cradles her in his arms. Jared strokes over Sophie's hair as he whispers words that Jensen doesn't understand and kisses her face.
"I'm sorry," Jared then says. "Daddy and I shouldn't have shouted so loudly. Did we scare you?"
Sophie nods and so does Audrey in Jensen's arms. Sophie's obviously thinking about something and just as Jensen wants to ask her what's up, she spills all by herself. "Are you getting divorced?"
Jensen's eyes spring wide open and he has to bite his lip to keep a straight face. This isn't funny at all, because apparently his daughters are really scared that their parents are going to break up, but the innocence and naivety of the question make him smile just a little.
"No, we're not," Jared reassures. "Why would you think that, baby?"
You can practically see how Sophie relaxes and Audrey also seems less tense as her iron grin in Jensen's shirt loosens. Sophie looks a little ashamed all of a sudden, as if she realized that her question was out of place.
When she doesn't answer immediately, Jensen repeats Jared's question, stroking a hand over Sophie's hair. In the end, it's not Sophie speaking but Audrey, "Because Lucy said her parents were shouting all the time and then they got divorced."
Jensen remembers the girls' friend Lucy. She'd been in their class until about three months ago, relatively close to the girls. But then she moved away with her mother after Lucy's parents got divorced.
Jensen kisses his daughter again and Jared reassures them again that they're not going to get divorced. With a smile, he adds, "Besides, Jensen and I are not married. You can only get divorced if you are married. Like Lucy's Mommy and Daddy or like Tara and Bill."
"You know, sometimes parents fight. Like Jared and I," Jensen explains. "But one fight doesn't mean they're going to stop wanting to be together, okay? Tomorrow everything will be all right again."
The girls nod and finally Jensen puts Audrey down. As soon as Jared suggests they can watch a movie of their choice (even though this'll mean Cinderella for the millionth time), they lighten up again. Jared goes to sit down with the girls to watch the movie while Jensen putters around in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess of spilled hot chocolate and cookie crumbs.
After that, he joins Jared and the girls in the living room. When Jared takes his hand, stroking over it softly, Jensen lets him with no anger in his belly. By the end of the movie, Sophie and Audrey are tired enough that they go to bed without a fuss.
Today's been a very exhausting day for everyone and Jensen can't wait to get some shuteye himself. But before they go to sleep, Jensen and Jared sit back down on the sofa in the living room. There's still something they need to talk about.
Jensen reckons he's the one who should make a start because of all the things he threw at Jared. He really wants to fix this.
"Listen, Jay," he says. "I'm sorry for the things I said. I shouldn't have said them like I did."
Jared places a hand underneath Jensen's chin and tilts it upward. When Jensen looks into Jared's eyes, there are no traces of anger or bitterness. Jared smiles at him before he bends forward to place a soft, chaste kiss on Jensen's mouth. Jared's lips linger for a moment and Jensen wishes he'd never have to pull away. Even such a brief kiss reminds Jensen of how horribly he has missed Jared lately.
"I'm sorry, too," Jared says. "I shouldn't have shouted like that."
Jensen nods and reaches for Jared's hand, stroking it lightly. He doesn't know where to start and Jared doesn't help either by simply waiting until Jensen says something.
Eventually, Jensen finds the words. "I suppose I was so angry because I already feared that I'd be the one who'd have to explain to a disappointed Audrey and Sophie why you weren't there. You know, I just didn't know how to deal with it. And they were so miserable, especially Audrey, and they went onto the stage, believing you wouldn't make it. I hated to see them sad and disappointed all day because they feared you'd miss the performance."
"But I didn't. I was there," Jared states calmly.
Jensen smiles weakly. To him it was clear that Jared was there, as soon as Jared practically stumbled into his lap, even if it was last minute, but that's a knowledge the girls didn't share. "I know, but they didn't. So all the time until they spotted you, they were sad, Jared. Audrey missed all the behind the scenes excitement because she was convinced you wouldn't be there. And it made me so angry, so sad because it only confirmed the feelings I've had lately."
Jensen pauses because he doesn't know how he should address the next thought. When he yelled at Jared, he already said it but this time he's determined to say it not so rudely.
"You work too much and you spend too little time with your family," he eventually says. He looks into Jared's eyes, hoping he doesn't sound as accusing as last time but maybe more like it is - concerned.
There's a flicker of something in Jared's eyes and for a split second, Jensen fears he's offended him again, but when Jared speaks, it's not as petulant as last time, "I try to balance it out. You know I do."
"Yes, I know," Jensen admits. He wants to kiss Jared again, hoping that a kiss will show Jared just how much he knows it - at least when he's thinking rationally - but he doesn't. First, they need to clear whatever's between them.
"But seriously, Jared. When's the last time, apart from today, that you sat down and spent time with Sophie or Audrey? Just you and them? When's the last time you sat down and helped them do their homework?" Jensen asks. Judging from the look on Jared's face, he hit the nail on the head. He doesn't have to find more examples as Jared realizes too well what Jensen is talking about.
However, there's one last thing he needs to ask. "When's the last time you and I slept together? Jared, I don't even remember the last time we touched."
The blush on Jared's face is indication enough. Jensen keeps stroking Jared's hand as he gives Jared all the time he needs to answer.
"I love my job," Jared responds.
Jensen nods because, of course he knows this, and he wasn't implying that Jared should quit, like Jared seems to think. He simply keeps stroking Jared's hand lightly.
"And I'm not telling you to stop it and do something different, Jared. I'm not making you choose between your job and your family. But Jared, you have to understand that we can't go on like this. You have to talk to your boss. Make it clear to him that you have a family and that this family needs you too," Jensen says.
He's surprised how calm he is, when the matter is so important and the issue has been boiling inside him for a while. Maybe it was good that he exploded earlier, even though it was probably not good that the girls had to witness it, but at least now, all of his anger has been released and Jared and he can have a constructive conversation that will actually result in a solution.
Jared doesn't answer right away. But when he smiles and nods, Jensen thinks he'll like what Jared has to say. And he does indeed.
"Yeah, you're right. I- I'll talk to him," Jared nods. "I'll just try harder, Jensen. I promise. I- I want to spend more time with you and the girls. I want to be with my family. You're my everything, you know that, right? You're the most important people in my life."
Jensen smiles broadly because Jared realizing that their situation has to change is already a good thing. "Thank you," he whispers against Jared's lips before he closes his eyes and kisses Jared. Jared definitely deserves a kiss now.
"I love you and the girls," Jared says as they break apart. When he speaks, his eyes shine brightly and there's this warm and honest expression on his face. Jensen thinks for this look alone, Jared deserves another kiss with a little more heat to it.
Teasingly slow, he slides his tongue over Jared's bottom lip, asking for permission without words. Jared's lips part, allowing Jensen to slip his tongue inside, where he meets Jared's. It's warm and wet and all Jared, sweet and sinful. Jensen uses his teeth to nibble at Jared's bottom lip, tugging it into his mouth, while one of his hands caresses over Jared's body.
When Jensen sits back again, Jared's lips are red and swollen from the kissing and nibbling, his eyes shining and full of lust.
"We love you too," Jensen says truthfully.
Jared scoots a little closer to Jensen, until their knees touch. He doesn't speak immediately as he lets his fingers ghost over Jensen's leg. Eventually he asks, "Are we okay?"
For a very brief moment, there's a look of insecurity on Jared's face and Jensen's eager to kiss it away. He's been furious because of Jared's behavior earlier, but Jensen loves him and he knows that when Jared says he'll talk to his boss, that he will. Jensen knows that Jared will give his best to do something about their situation. That's why Jensen's eager to forgive Jared. He kisses Jared and when they separate again, he whispers, "Yes, we're okay."
Jared smiles at him again and pushes him onto the sofa until Jensen's lying on his back and Jared can settle down on top of him. Writhing and wriggling, Jared rubs his groin against Jensen's. Jensen gasps when Jared's erection brushes against his own.
They go back to kissing, light at first, heat increasing with each swirl of tongue and movement of hips. Eventually, Jensen remembers that they're in the living room and that having two young children means that some things belong to the parental bedroom. Jensen moans softly before he places a hand on Jared's chest, giving him a brief but efficient shove. "Don't start anything you're not gonna finish," Jensen pleads, already fully hard by now. "Not here. The girls."
Jensen's sure he doesn't have to remind Jared of that one time Sophie walked in on them having sex, a rather traumatic experience for all of them. Jared shudders and Jensen has to smile because apparently Jared remembers too.
But then Jared smirks and the gleam in his eyes is back. Seductively, he whispers, "Let me take you to bed then."
Jensen doesn't have to be told twice as Jared leads him to the bedroom. The times of being able to shed clothes on their way are over, but Jensen doesn't mind because he gets plenty of kisses and little bites instead. Once the bedroom door is closed, Jensen finally gets what he's been missing so badly: Jared.
With all of the built-up sexual energy, it's over way too soon. But still, release is sweet and satisfying, spreading this certain kind of warm feeling inside Jensen's belly. He never realized just how much he missed it, how much he missed Jared and their physical bonding. But now that his memory has been refreshed, he promises himself that he's never letting it get this far again.
"What's up?" Jared asks, as he holds Jensen in his arms. "What are you thinking about?"
Jensen takes his time to answer. He smiles as he tilts up his head until he can reach Jared's face to place a kiss. "That I never want to miss this again."
Jared doesn't answer anything, but simply smiles and nods. Before he drifts off, Jensen believes he hears Jared say, "I'll talk to my boss on Monday. Promise."
Good thing that Jared Padalecki's not the kind of guy who breaks his promises.
Author: benitle
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: R
Summary: The girls have their annual ballet performance. With each minute that passes, Jensen's anger and frustration grows. This time he fears, Jared's not going to keep his promise and be there.
Word count, warnings: 7232 words, AU
Notes: Many, many thanks to _doodle for the awesome input and feedback during the writing process. Also many, many thanks to slytherinblack and thelonejuliet for betaing and helping me improve this greatly! I did some re-writing after beta so all remaining mistakes are mine.
This is another sequel to Blended and blessed, an AU where Jensen and Jared are single fathers who meet because their children keep punching each other at school. This is set circa two years later. More of this universe under this tag: Blended and blessed 'verse.
This is a piece of fiction and I'm not associated with any of the people mentioned in this fic. Feedback is appreciated greatly. Please enjoy!
"Hey baby," Jensen says, looking into the rearview mirror and at Audrey in the backseat of the car. "What's up?"
On their way to the community center, Sophie has been chattering happily about the ballet performance they are about to participate in, while Audrey has been strangely quiet for most of the drive. Jensen can't deny that the sad look on her face worries him, that her silence makes an uneasy feeling spread in his guts.
No answer.
"Come on, princess," Jensen tries again. "Aren't you excited about the ballet? Aren't you looking forward to dancing?"
When Audrey still doesn't answer, he already thinks of other possible ways to make his daughter spill whatever's upsetting her. But before Jensen even has the chance to ask again, Audrey says, "Is Jared coming too? I want Jared to come too, daddy."
Audrey's expression and the defeat in her voice make Jensen's stomach clench once more as his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Their eyes meet in the rearview mirror and with determination, Jensen says, "Of course, he's going to be there, Audrey."
He hopes this is not a promise he's going to break.
About an hour later, Jensen checks his watch, for the third time in about five minutes, annoyance and frustration rising with each second that passes. He fidgets in his seat uneasily. The plastic chair in the hall of their community center is hard and uncomfortable while he waits for the stage to be filled with little ballerinas.
It's not Sophie and Audrey's first show since they started ballet, and also not the first since they all became a family but this doesn't decrease the girls' excitement in any way. They've barely talked about anything else the last few weeks.
Jensen glances at his watch again. Ten minutes until the performance starts and still no sign of Jared. It's a late Saturday afternoon and Jared should not have been working at all this weekend because of the girls' ballet, but a call from his boss threw a monkey wrench in their plans. Jensen checks the time again.
Jared's been working an awful lot lately and based on Audrey's comment back in the car, Jensen knows that he's not the only one who misses him. Earlier Jensen assured Audrey and Sophie that Jared was going to make it in time but now he's no longer sure. He tried calling Jared three times in the last ten minutes but all he got was the voicemail.
Jensen thinks back to the argument he had with Jared last night. It was not necessarily a fight but maybe more of a heated discussion during which Jensen tried to make it clear to Jared that this is important to the girls and that Jared needs to come too.
Jared assured him that he was aware of this and Jensen believed him of course. He knows that Jared isn't stupid and that he didn't have to tell Jared. But lately Jared's been so caught up with work that he was late for dinner a few times, that he even missed a family picnic once and generally he worked a lot during the weekend. So Jensen thought it wouldn't hurt to remind him. Even though Jared's aware of how important it is to the girls that both of them attend their ballet performance, Jensen thought he should reemphasize it. At the end of their discussion, Jared agreed and promised that he'd make it.
This doesn't change the fact that Jared's got another five minutes until the start of the performance and that he's running out of time with each second that passes. Jensen feels his stomach cramp at the idea of having to see Sophie and Audrey's disappointed little faces once they realize that Jared's not there.
Jensen's torn out of his thoughts as someone calls his name. When he looks to the side, he sees Mrs. Mohan stopping next to him, apparently passing him by on her way to her own seat. There's a false smile plastered all over her face as she stands next to him and looks down on him. Her daughter, Mandy, is in the girls' ballet group and she's friends with Audrey and Sophie, so Jensen forces himself to smile at her and be nice, even though he doesn't feel like it. Jensen remains seated, not bothering to get up. He briefly nods at her and hopes she'll disappear any minute.
Jensen and Jared's coming out was received well by most other parents they know either through the girls' school or ballet group. Most parents. While the Mohans never said anything outwardly homophobic, they've been weird around Jensen and Jared. During previous talks, they've hinted how they believe in conservative, classical family structures and values and how they disapprove of Jensen and Jared's lifestyle. Usually, Jensen's pretty good at not caring about other people's opinions, but something in the look she gives him hits him hard.
He doesn't say anything to her as he studies her quickly, taking in her bleached blonde hair, her Botox-marked face, her fake, slightly orange tan and her clothes that are probably more expensive than what Jensen and Jared make in a month, combined. But he doesn't get the chance to say anything anyway. Her fake smile turns into fake pity, and then she asks, voice smug and only short of taunting, "Oh, your partner couldn't make it?"
Jensen decides he's going to kill Jared as soon as Jared sets foot back home tonight, but right now, he's not giving Mrs. Mohan any satisfaction. He forces another smile onto his face and clenches and unclenches his fists a few times. He's reached the point where he's no longer frustrated or annoyed at Jared but furious.
It's bad enough that he'll have to deal with his daughters' disappointment and Jared's guilt and his own anger, but having to endure another parent's mocking is the icing on the cake.
He opens his mouth to speak as the lights are dimmed in the hall and the spotlights for the stage are turned on. All around him, people end their chatter while the latecomers hastily search for the best remaining seats. Jensen removes his jacket from the chair next to him that he used to reserve a spot for Jared in the first row and then he snarls, his voice harsher than he intended to, "He's very busy-"
He doesn't get any further than that.
Because then six-foot-five of clumsy Jared Padalecki stumble along the middle aisle, excusing himself for nearly tripping over people and finally making his way to the front. Jared comes to a stand next to Mrs. Mohan and Jensen assumes that he looks just as surprised as her, judging from Jared's confused expression.
"Oh, hi," Jared says and then he lets himself fall onto the vacant chair next to Jensen.
Almost immediately, Jensen snaps out of his state of shock and he glares at Jared. He's still furious and ready to jump at Jared's throat. But when he looks to the side and sees Mrs. Mohan's face, a warm feeling spreads through his belly. His victory doesn't last long though. For a short moment, she's bright red but soon enough, she regains her composure and eyes Jared up and down. She gives Jensen another pointed look and then she says, "Looks like your partner still decided to come after all."
Before Jensen can even say something, she turns on her heels and walks off toward her husband, who's waving at her from only a few seats away. Jensen's reminded with brutal force that he's mad at Jared, his anger coming back with a vengeance. Though once Mrs. Mohan's finally gone, he sighs in relief. He runs a hand over his face, glad Jared's there.
Jared slumps down in his chair and releases a deep breath, apparently totally oblivious to Jensen's anger. Turning to Jensen, he presses a soft kiss to his lips. At first, Jensen's taken aback, still surprised that Jared made it less than five minutes before the start of the performance. He's stiff and paralyzed, but Jared either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it. They don't even have the time to say anything as the music starts and everyone's attention shifts to the stage.
It only takes a few moments before there's a hand stroking softly over Jensen's thigh and squeezing it slightly. As soon as Jared's hand is on his leg, Jensen tenses even more, but he doesn't remove it, intent on not making a scene. While Jensen's watching the stage, Jared leans over for another kiss, his lips only ghosting over the little spot behind Jensen's ear.
He's still mad at Jared and he's definitely going to talk to him about nearly being late, but as the performance starts, he decides not to ruin it for the girls by picking a fight. After all, Jared is there. That's all that matters for now.
Jensen looks back at the stage and when Jared takes Jensen's hand in his, Jensen lets him. Jared's touch is light, his strokes soft as the first ballerinas appear from behind the curtain.
Sophie is the first of their daughters to join the performance. Together with lots of other girls, she comes onto the stage and gets in line. Just like the last few times Audrey and Sophie participated in a dance show, their class had to be split into two groups because there are so many girls. On the side of the stage, Jensen spots Mrs. Johnson, Audrey and Sophie's teacher, giving some last minute instructions. She's one of many at the school but she's clearly the girls' favorite.
Sophie and all the other girls do a routine, taking turns here and there. She's grinning broadly and Jensen's not entirely sure she's supposed to smile like that or whether maybe she should look a little more thoughtful, but it only warms his heart because she seems so happy and she loves what she does. And that makes Jensen happy too. He relaxes in his seat as he watches his daughter dance so beautifully, some of the tension finally easing away from him.
Her dancing looks great to him and Jensen swells with so much pride that he fears he's going to burst any minute. He steals a glance to the side, watching Jared for only a split second. Jared's eyes are glued to the stage as he follows each and every move of his daughter. There's a huge grin on Jared's face and Jensen is torn between being happy and proud and still being mad.
Jared squeezes Jensen's hand quickly and when Jensen looks at him again, he's all broad grin and teeth and dimples. Jared gives Jensen a chaste kiss on the lips before his eyes immediately go back to the stage. Some more of the anger and tension inside Jensen fade. He hates himself a little at the moment because Jared has him wrapped around his finger so easily.
Then it's Audrey's turn to make an appearance. Sophie's group is bustling from the stage, making room for the second part of the class. There's a lump in Jensen's throat when he sees the slightly sad look on her face. Apparently, she's convinced that Jared's not there, her disappointment so clearly visible. This is exactly the look Jensen didn't want to see on his daughter's face. When he glances to the side, he sees that Jared's face is covered with a frown and a confused expression.
Jared leans over to Jensen and keeping his voice down, he whispers against Jensen's ear, "Is Audrey okay?"
Jensen glares at Jared and says nothing more than, "Not now, Jared."
From the look on Jared's face he can tell that Jared wants to press the matter further, that he wants to ask another question, but Jensen's not up for explaining this to Jared right now. Instead, he'll let him figure it out on his own.
Jensen's stomach clenches and his anger at Jared increases again. Audrey shouldn't look so sad when she's doing something she loves. She should beam like Sophie and be happy. She should be able to rely on her parents. She should be sure that when her parents promise her to be there for her, that they will.
As she dances, her eyes scan over the audience, probably looking for Jensen. He can tell the exact moment she spots Jared. For a split second, she looks startled and then one of the biggest grins Jensen has ever seen spreads over her face. Her eyes are certainly not on him but definitely on Jared. Audrey gives even a little wave, and again, Jensen's convinced she shouldn't be doing that, but it doesn't matter when Jared's hand lets go of his own so that Jared can wave back.
The performance carries on and after Audrey's group is done with their routine, they are joined by Sophie's group for the whole class to finish with a final dance together. Jensen realizes for the first time that the girls are damn good. Sure, they don't dance like professional dancers but compared to their peers, they are really, really good. He's seen Sophie and Audrey practice at home a few times. However he's never been able to tell just how good they are because he only ever saw his own daughters. Looking at them now makes him proud; it makes him happy.
When the music ends and all ballerinas come back onto the stage to bow, indicating that the last dance is over, Jared doesn't hesitate one second before he practically jumps up from his seat and claps his hands together. Jensen and many other parents join, the applause becoming louder and louder.
There are about 30 children on the stage, grinning broadly and waving at their parents. There are people whistling and shouting "bravo!" as the audience doesn't calm down for a while. The final round of applause is for Mrs. Johnson, the ballet teacher.
Following Sophie's and Audrey's groups, there are several more routines, performed by older, more advanced children. After the very last dance, there is plenty more applause and Mrs. Johnson reappears on the stage.
Once the people in the hall are silent enough for her to speak, she thanks the audience for coming and then she points out that there's coffee and cake in the foyer and that the revenue will be used for renovations of the community center. Jensen doesn't feel like hanging around any longer. All he wants is to go home with his family, but he has this gut feeling that tells him this is not going to happen.
When Jensen turns to the side, he sees Jared smile at him. Somehow this only reminds him that he's mad at Jared, so Jensen doesn't return the smile. A confused look flashes across Jared's face and sometimes Jensen finds it equally cute and annoying that Jared can be so clueless.
Today's clearly not one of these days. Today, Jared's cluelessness only makes Jensen even more annoyed. Jared then bends forward to kiss Jensen and with a stern look on his face, Jensen takes a step back.
"Jensen, what's wrong?" Jared asks.
Jensen takes a deep breath and makes sure to keep his voice low. He'd rather wait until they're back home because he really doesn't want to make a scene in front of everyone. "We'll discuss this at home," Jensen half-snarls, half-pleads.
One of Jared's eyebrows quirks up and his lip twitches a little. He takes another step toward Jensen and his hand lands on Jensen's upper arm. His thumb strokes ever so softly and Jensen has to try really hard not to give in and forgive Jared everything just because of one simple touch.
"Talk to me, man," Jared whispers, his hand tightening to a grip around Jensen's biceps.
"Jared," Jensen warns. "We are not discussing this in public in front of everyone. I told you, we'll talk about this at home. I don't want to hear another word about this now. "
Jared looks at him like a kicked puppy and it takes all of Jensen's strength not to just forget about the matter and pretend nothing had happened in the first place. But Jared's actions are the reason their daughters are upset and miserable, believing that he broke a promise he made repeatedly. Jensen's always believed that you shouldn't make promises unless you know you can keep them.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you so mad at me?" Jared asks.
This only increases the heat in Jensen's stomach, Jared's stupid stubbornness even though Jensen told him to stop asking. Once more, he has to try really hard to keep his voice down. "I'm repeating it one last time. Let. It. Go."
Jared opens his mouth to speak and Jensen's this close to simply turning around and walking away and into the foyer when they're interrupted by Tara, another mother whose daughter is a friend of Audrey's and Sophie's. Jensen and Jared are friends with Tara and her husband Bill themselves. She looks as if she's ready to give birth any day, even though she's only in her seventh month. Slowly, she waddles her way over to Jensen and Jared.
"Jensen, Jared!" she exclaims, totally unaware of the tense scene in front of her.
Jensen forces a smile onto his face and when he glances to the side, he sees that Jared is doing the same. No signs of their argument visible are on their faces anymore.
"Tara," Jensen says. "How are you? How are Bill and the kids?"
Jared even has the nerve to place an arm around Jensen's waist. When Jensen tenses, Jared only pulls him a little closer. Jensen's extremely tempted to kill Jared.
Tara smiles, stroking her round belly. "I'm ready to stab Bill twenty four seven and I'm also ready to get this little one out, but apart from that we're good. How are you?"
"Just peachy," Jensen says as he tries to wriggle free of Jared's grip which only results in Jared tightening his arm around Jensen and digging his fingers into Jensen's side. Jensen wants to yelp but thinks better of it last minute.
"I'm sorry but I don't have much time since we still have to visit Bill's parents tonight," she makes a face that once more reminds Jensen what Tara thinks about her mother-in-law. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask whether you guys and the girls would like to join us at our barbeque next weekend. We'd be happy if you could make it." Tara smiles again, a hopeful look on her face.
Turning to glance at Jared, Jensen sees a questioning expression on his face. Nodding quickly, he signalizes Jared his okay.
"We'd totally love to," Jared says.
This only makes Tara smile even brighter. "Perfect! I'll call you to let you know the time. Please excuse me now or else Bill will start yelling and blowing the horn. You know how he gets."
She gives them a wink and when Jared bends forward to give her a kiss on the cheek, his grip around Jensen loosens, allowing Jensen to slip free. Jensen kisses Tara's cheek too, and as soon as she's gone, he heads toward the dressing rooms to see whether the girls are already changed. Jensen's not even looking back to see whether Jared follows him as he walks off.
By the time he makes it to the changing room, Jared has caught up with him. Immediately, Jared's hand lands back on Jensen's arm and he says Jensen's name, pleadingly. Over the months he's been living with Jared, Jensen has realized that Jared loves harmony more than anything. Jared's the kind of guy who wants to be happy, who doesn't enjoy tension and fights. He only wants the people around him to get along.
Just as Jensen wants to snarl at Jared to leave him the fuck alone for a few moments and to give him a bit of space, Audrey and Sophie come out of the dressing room, squealing, "Daddy! Daddy!"
After glaring at each other for another split second, Jensen and Jared shift their attention to their daughters, taking them into their arms and squeezing them tight.
"You were great!" Jensen says happily, giving Sophie a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Then he kisses Audrey and tells her the same. But Audrey doesn't have any eyes for him today. When Jared lets go of her and stands up, she practically clings to him. Or his leg rather. Jared gives Jensen a confused look because usually Sophie is the more affectionate of the two girls and this kind of behavior seems un-Audrey-like. Jensen only glares at Jared again. Jared takes Audrey by the hand then and together they walk into the foyer. She's quiet and not once does she let go of his hand.
Sophie to the contrary, starts babbling about how Mrs. Johnson said she did great and how she wants to be a ballerina because this is so much fun. She does a few more turns in front of Jensen, and Jensen reassures her each time how great she is. She chatters happily about how Mrs. Johnson said she could go to the group of grown-ups now, even though Jensen doubts she said it like that. Higher level, maybe, but not grown-ups. The girls are only eight, after all.
Once they've reached the foyer, the awkwardness between Jensen and Jared becomes even stronger. There's lots of people eating cake and drinking coffee, lots of children bustling around. They find a somewhat quiet corner and when Jared looks at Jensen, he asks, "D'you want a coffee?"
Through silent consent they seem to have agreed that they'll stay for a coffee, support a good cause and then go home as soon as possible. So Jensen nods and when Jared tries to walk off to the desk where some parents are selling coffee and cake, Audrey clings to his leg again, making it nearly impossible for Jared to go.
"Hey baby," Jared says softly as he crouches down to be on eye level. "What's wrong?"
He kisses Audrey but she only holds onto him as if there is a danger of Jared disappearing any minute. For a split second, Jensen pities Jared as he looks helpless and unsure what to do. He decides not to make this even harder for any of them, so he says, "Sophie, can you stay with Jared for a few minutes? I'll be right back."
Sophie nods and Jared gives Jensen a grateful look as he holds on to Audrey. Jensen makes sure to be quick to get the two coffees and to return to his family. Not that he fears Jared isn't able to look after two girls, but he wants to be done with this and go home.
They sip their coffee in silence. At first it's only Sophie talking about how she's going to be a famous Broadway dancer and how she's going to dance in Europe in front of large audiences. Audrey is silent and keeps holding Jared's hand. Jared looks confused and Jensen avoids his gaze as best as he can. After a while Sophie becomes quiet too, apparently noticing that something's off between her two daddies.
Their way back home is just as silent and tense as previously at the community center. Jensen and Jared hardly speak with each other, or rather Jared tries every once in a while but Jensen only gives short answers. Instead, they try to make the girls talk, but that doesn't really work either.
Once the front door closes behind them, Jensen releases the breath he wasn't aware of holding. Audrey and Sophie drop their bags in the hallway before they set off for the kitchen, demanding hot chocolate and cookies as an evening snack. Jensen is happy with any kind of distraction he can get and every chance that will put off the inevitable fight with Jared a little longer.
Jared joins them in the kitchen as the girls sit at the table with cookies, waiting patiently as Jensen prepares the hot chocolate. Jensen sets the mugs down in front of the girls as Jared's hand lands on top of his arm. With a questioning look, he turns to Jared.
There's a determined expression on Jared's face, an expression that tells Jensen he's not going to accept any excuses anymore.
"Can I please talk to you in private, Jensen?" Jared says, his voice matching the look on his face.
Jensen knows there's not much sense in avoiding the issue any further. It's only going to make things worse and it's not that he wants to fight with Jared. He just can't help it. So he nods and follows Jared out of the kitchen and into the living room.
"What's wrong with you, Jensen?" Jared alleges.
His voice is fierce and Jensen takes a step back, not liking the accusation and Jared's tone at all.
"What?" Jensen snaps.
He's the one who's got a right to be mad, not Jared, at least the way he sees it. Jared is the one who upset Audrey and Sophie, who nearly ruined something for them that they should be excited about. It's Jared who nearly did not make it to their daughters' ballet performance even though he promised more than once. Jared's the one who made the girls believe they'd been lied to when he said he'd be there.
Jensen really thinks that Jared has absolutely no right to talk to him like that.
"What's wrong with you?" Jared repeats. "You've been weird and on edge since the performance. What's your problem?"
Jared's breathing heavily and his cheeks are flushed. There's heat in his voice and Jensen knows that Jared must be trying hard to keep his voice down. The last thing they need is to fight in front of the girls. That's something they try to avoid. Arguments happen between parents but Jensen has always believed their children shouldn't have to witness them.
Then Jensen hisses, "What was the stunt you pulled earlier? Did you really have to turn up last minute?"
"Wait? That's why you've been pissy all evening? Because I only turned up five minutes before the start?" Jared looks as if Jensen just slapped him in the face. His expression is open and wide with shock.
But Jensen doesn't stop there, the rage in his belly coming back with a vengeance. He really doesn't want to shout so he tries to keep his voice as calm as possible but still he doesn't manage to keep the heat out completely. "You know what? When I was in the car with the girls, Audrey asked whether you'd come. She wasn't even sure, Jared!"
"What's the matter, Jensen? I made it!" Jared defends himself, his voice raising a little too.
"But you nearly didn't! Just like you nearly didn't make it to the parent-teacher conference. And do I have to remind you that you actually missed the family picnic for their school class? Or last week when you were so caught up in work that you couldn't pick the girls up from school like we had agreed and by the time you called me, I was already twenty minutes late? This didn't happen for the first time, Jared. Audrey thought that you wouldn't come. You should only make promises when you're sure you can keep them!"
Jensen doesn't know whether he should have said that but it's out faster than he can stop his mouth. He's no longer thinking clearly, he's trapped in a swirl of anger, slowly spinning out of control.
"But I did! I was there, Jensen! And you know that I already apologized more than once for missing the picnic," Jared says. "I don't understand your problem!"
This only makes Jensen flip out even more. He can't put a name on the rage he feels because apparently Jared doesn't understand what this is about at all. It's not about making it or not. It's about their children being upset.
"Until Audrey saw you in the audience, she was convinced you wouldn't come. Until then she'd been upset over it, Jared. That sad look when she was on stage? She was convinced you weren't there! She thought you'd let her down, Jared! Don't you want to or can't you get my point? Didn't you see how she was clinging to you afterwards?" At this point, Jensen is yelling at Jared, no longer managing to keep his voice down.
"Jensen…"
Jared doesn't get further than that as Jensen interrupts him harshly and angrily.
"Maybe it's time you stop putting your job before your daughters and your boyfriend again. We obviously miss you and we've got the impression of only being second place to you! We're sick of being less important to you than your fucking job!"
Only slowly, Jensen registers what he just threw at Jared, what he just shouted at him from the top of his lungs. They agreed they'd never do this, fight for Audrey and Sophie to hear and right now, Jensen feels guiltier for his daughters having to hear their daddies yelling at each other than telling Jared the truth.
Jared's been working an awful lot lately and everyone's missed him. In theory, Jensen knows that this is only partly Jared's fault because on top of being understaffed, like always, one of Jared's colleagues is down with a broken leg. But still, he thinks that Jared could, and should, say no more often when being asked to work extra hours.
The girls had to cope with Jared not being around and so did Jensen. Not only did he have to look after the two girls by himself but he can't even remember the last time they had sex. So yeah, Jared's been missed emotionally and physically.
"Wow!" Jared says. There's a look of shock on his face and his voice sounds small and hurt. "You know you're not being fair. You fucking well know that I try to be there for you and the girls as much as I can. Don't accuse me of anything that's not true!"
Jensen wants to argue that it is true, that Jared's spent way too much time at work lately and that he's needed at home, but he never gets the chance.
"Daddy," a small voice comes from the kitchen.
Both Jensen and Jared look to where it's coming from and they see Audrey and Sophie standing in the doorframe that leads from the kitchen to the living room. Their eyes are filled with tears and their lips are trembling.
Jensen runs a hand over his face and forces himself to calm down. Letting his nerves show will not do any good for anyone. With a quick glance to Jared and a small nod Jensen and Jared agree that the argument is over for now and that they'll continue discussing this later.
Immediately, they walk to the girls and hold them close, each one daughter. Audrey's hand fists in Jensen's shirt and when he wants to stand up again so that he can look at her, she doesn't let go. Without a second thought, he picks her up and cradles her in his arms. Jared strokes over Sophie's hair as he whispers words that Jensen doesn't understand and kisses her face.
"I'm sorry," Jared then says. "Daddy and I shouldn't have shouted so loudly. Did we scare you?"
Sophie nods and so does Audrey in Jensen's arms. Sophie's obviously thinking about something and just as Jensen wants to ask her what's up, she spills all by herself. "Are you getting divorced?"
Jensen's eyes spring wide open and he has to bite his lip to keep a straight face. This isn't funny at all, because apparently his daughters are really scared that their parents are going to break up, but the innocence and naivety of the question make him smile just a little.
"No, we're not," Jared reassures. "Why would you think that, baby?"
You can practically see how Sophie relaxes and Audrey also seems less tense as her iron grin in Jensen's shirt loosens. Sophie looks a little ashamed all of a sudden, as if she realized that her question was out of place.
When she doesn't answer immediately, Jensen repeats Jared's question, stroking a hand over Sophie's hair. In the end, it's not Sophie speaking but Audrey, "Because Lucy said her parents were shouting all the time and then they got divorced."
Jensen remembers the girls' friend Lucy. She'd been in their class until about three months ago, relatively close to the girls. But then she moved away with her mother after Lucy's parents got divorced.
Jensen kisses his daughter again and Jared reassures them again that they're not going to get divorced. With a smile, he adds, "Besides, Jensen and I are not married. You can only get divorced if you are married. Like Lucy's Mommy and Daddy or like Tara and Bill."
"You know, sometimes parents fight. Like Jared and I," Jensen explains. "But one fight doesn't mean they're going to stop wanting to be together, okay? Tomorrow everything will be all right again."
The girls nod and finally Jensen puts Audrey down. As soon as Jared suggests they can watch a movie of their choice (even though this'll mean Cinderella for the millionth time), they lighten up again. Jared goes to sit down with the girls to watch the movie while Jensen putters around in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess of spilled hot chocolate and cookie crumbs.
After that, he joins Jared and the girls in the living room. When Jared takes his hand, stroking over it softly, Jensen lets him with no anger in his belly. By the end of the movie, Sophie and Audrey are tired enough that they go to bed without a fuss.
Today's been a very exhausting day for everyone and Jensen can't wait to get some shuteye himself. But before they go to sleep, Jensen and Jared sit back down on the sofa in the living room. There's still something they need to talk about.
Jensen reckons he's the one who should make a start because of all the things he threw at Jared. He really wants to fix this.
"Listen, Jay," he says. "I'm sorry for the things I said. I shouldn't have said them like I did."
Jared places a hand underneath Jensen's chin and tilts it upward. When Jensen looks into Jared's eyes, there are no traces of anger or bitterness. Jared smiles at him before he bends forward to place a soft, chaste kiss on Jensen's mouth. Jared's lips linger for a moment and Jensen wishes he'd never have to pull away. Even such a brief kiss reminds Jensen of how horribly he has missed Jared lately.
"I'm sorry, too," Jared says. "I shouldn't have shouted like that."
Jensen nods and reaches for Jared's hand, stroking it lightly. He doesn't know where to start and Jared doesn't help either by simply waiting until Jensen says something.
Eventually, Jensen finds the words. "I suppose I was so angry because I already feared that I'd be the one who'd have to explain to a disappointed Audrey and Sophie why you weren't there. You know, I just didn't know how to deal with it. And they were so miserable, especially Audrey, and they went onto the stage, believing you wouldn't make it. I hated to see them sad and disappointed all day because they feared you'd miss the performance."
"But I didn't. I was there," Jared states calmly.
Jensen smiles weakly. To him it was clear that Jared was there, as soon as Jared practically stumbled into his lap, even if it was last minute, but that's a knowledge the girls didn't share. "I know, but they didn't. So all the time until they spotted you, they were sad, Jared. Audrey missed all the behind the scenes excitement because she was convinced you wouldn't be there. And it made me so angry, so sad because it only confirmed the feelings I've had lately."
Jensen pauses because he doesn't know how he should address the next thought. When he yelled at Jared, he already said it but this time he's determined to say it not so rudely.
"You work too much and you spend too little time with your family," he eventually says. He looks into Jared's eyes, hoping he doesn't sound as accusing as last time but maybe more like it is - concerned.
There's a flicker of something in Jared's eyes and for a split second, Jensen fears he's offended him again, but when Jared speaks, it's not as petulant as last time, "I try to balance it out. You know I do."
"Yes, I know," Jensen admits. He wants to kiss Jared again, hoping that a kiss will show Jared just how much he knows it - at least when he's thinking rationally - but he doesn't. First, they need to clear whatever's between them.
"But seriously, Jared. When's the last time, apart from today, that you sat down and spent time with Sophie or Audrey? Just you and them? When's the last time you sat down and helped them do their homework?" Jensen asks. Judging from the look on Jared's face, he hit the nail on the head. He doesn't have to find more examples as Jared realizes too well what Jensen is talking about.
However, there's one last thing he needs to ask. "When's the last time you and I slept together? Jared, I don't even remember the last time we touched."
The blush on Jared's face is indication enough. Jensen keeps stroking Jared's hand as he gives Jared all the time he needs to answer.
"I love my job," Jared responds.
Jensen nods because, of course he knows this, and he wasn't implying that Jared should quit, like Jared seems to think. He simply keeps stroking Jared's hand lightly.
"And I'm not telling you to stop it and do something different, Jared. I'm not making you choose between your job and your family. But Jared, you have to understand that we can't go on like this. You have to talk to your boss. Make it clear to him that you have a family and that this family needs you too," Jensen says.
He's surprised how calm he is, when the matter is so important and the issue has been boiling inside him for a while. Maybe it was good that he exploded earlier, even though it was probably not good that the girls had to witness it, but at least now, all of his anger has been released and Jared and he can have a constructive conversation that will actually result in a solution.
Jared doesn't answer right away. But when he smiles and nods, Jensen thinks he'll like what Jared has to say. And he does indeed.
"Yeah, you're right. I- I'll talk to him," Jared nods. "I'll just try harder, Jensen. I promise. I- I want to spend more time with you and the girls. I want to be with my family. You're my everything, you know that, right? You're the most important people in my life."
Jensen smiles broadly because Jared realizing that their situation has to change is already a good thing. "Thank you," he whispers against Jared's lips before he closes his eyes and kisses Jared. Jared definitely deserves a kiss now.
"I love you and the girls," Jared says as they break apart. When he speaks, his eyes shine brightly and there's this warm and honest expression on his face. Jensen thinks for this look alone, Jared deserves another kiss with a little more heat to it.
Teasingly slow, he slides his tongue over Jared's bottom lip, asking for permission without words. Jared's lips part, allowing Jensen to slip his tongue inside, where he meets Jared's. It's warm and wet and all Jared, sweet and sinful. Jensen uses his teeth to nibble at Jared's bottom lip, tugging it into his mouth, while one of his hands caresses over Jared's body.
When Jensen sits back again, Jared's lips are red and swollen from the kissing and nibbling, his eyes shining and full of lust.
"We love you too," Jensen says truthfully.
Jared scoots a little closer to Jensen, until their knees touch. He doesn't speak immediately as he lets his fingers ghost over Jensen's leg. Eventually he asks, "Are we okay?"
For a very brief moment, there's a look of insecurity on Jared's face and Jensen's eager to kiss it away. He's been furious because of Jared's behavior earlier, but Jensen loves him and he knows that when Jared says he'll talk to his boss, that he will. Jensen knows that Jared will give his best to do something about their situation. That's why Jensen's eager to forgive Jared. He kisses Jared and when they separate again, he whispers, "Yes, we're okay."
Jared smiles at him again and pushes him onto the sofa until Jensen's lying on his back and Jared can settle down on top of him. Writhing and wriggling, Jared rubs his groin against Jensen's. Jensen gasps when Jared's erection brushes against his own.
They go back to kissing, light at first, heat increasing with each swirl of tongue and movement of hips. Eventually, Jensen remembers that they're in the living room and that having two young children means that some things belong to the parental bedroom. Jensen moans softly before he places a hand on Jared's chest, giving him a brief but efficient shove. "Don't start anything you're not gonna finish," Jensen pleads, already fully hard by now. "Not here. The girls."
Jensen's sure he doesn't have to remind Jared of that one time Sophie walked in on them having sex, a rather traumatic experience for all of them. Jared shudders and Jensen has to smile because apparently Jared remembers too.
But then Jared smirks and the gleam in his eyes is back. Seductively, he whispers, "Let me take you to bed then."
Jensen doesn't have to be told twice as Jared leads him to the bedroom. The times of being able to shed clothes on their way are over, but Jensen doesn't mind because he gets plenty of kisses and little bites instead. Once the bedroom door is closed, Jensen finally gets what he's been missing so badly: Jared.
With all of the built-up sexual energy, it's over way too soon. But still, release is sweet and satisfying, spreading this certain kind of warm feeling inside Jensen's belly. He never realized just how much he missed it, how much he missed Jared and their physical bonding. But now that his memory has been refreshed, he promises himself that he's never letting it get this far again.
"What's up?" Jared asks, as he holds Jensen in his arms. "What are you thinking about?"
Jensen takes his time to answer. He smiles as he tilts up his head until he can reach Jared's face to place a kiss. "That I never want to miss this again."
Jared doesn't answer anything, but simply smiles and nods. Before he drifts off, Jensen believes he hears Jared say, "I'll talk to my boss on Monday. Promise."
Good thing that Jared Padalecki's not the kind of guy who breaks his promises.