Key Words: Chapter 3
Title: "Key Words"
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Adam/Brad.
Word Count: 2,257.
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Adam sat in the comfortable chair of the writing room, pen in hand, tapping it repeatedly against the pad in his other hand. The page was blank. Lifting the pen to his lips, Adam chewed on the end of it. Though he was in a writing session for his next album, lyrics were the furthest thing from his mind.
John entered the room, mug in hand. Setting it down on the table beside Adam, he crossed the room and sat in another chair. “Brought you some tea,” he said.
“Thanks,” Adam nodded vaguely, still wrapped up in his own thoughts.
“You okay?” John asked, “You seem really distracted.”
“Yeah,” Adam replied, shaking his head, “I just can’t focus today.”
“I’m sorry,” John said, “This isn’t the best working environment for you, is it?”
“Nah, it’s not that,” Adam said, shaking his head, “I’m just totally out of it today.”
“You want to reschedule?”
“Yeah, maybe later this week? And a little less... professional?”
“Sure, no problem.”
With the session put off until later, Adam headed home. It was a beautiful day; he would have loved to walk to and from the session, but the paparazzi presence was ridiculous. Sighing at that little irritation, Adam got into his car amid the camera flashes. He smiled, waving vaguely, subtly acknowledging the paps’ presence without letting them control the situation. It was an unconscious behaviour by now.
The drive home was short, but Adam’s thoughts never strayed from the issue that troubled him. Once he arrived at his house, he changed into some more comfortable clothes and turned on his computer. He thought that maybe he needed some kind of distraction. He found several ridiculous rumors about himself floating around on the internet, but, at the moment, he didn’t have the energy to dispel them.
Sighing, Adam lay back on the couch. He reached for his phone and dialed Danielle’s number. “Hey, babe,” she said, picking up.
“Hey,” Adam replied.
“What’s up?” Danielle asked.
“You busy tonight?”
“No, how come?”
“You wanna come over? I could use some advice.”
“What about, sweetie?”
“I don’t really wanna get into it over the phone.”
“Okay, I’ll be over as soon as I can. I’ll bring the wine.”
A few hours later, Adam and Danielle sat in Adam’s living room, the bottle of wine open on the coffee table. “So,” Danielle said eventually, “What is it, hon?”
Adam took a deep breath, “I slept with Brad on Friday night.”
“...And?” Danielle raised an eyebrow. Adam stared back at her. “What?” Danielle shrugged, “You guys do that all the time!”
“I know,” Adam sighed, “But we hadn’t since before Ty and I got together. And this time... I don’t know, something was different.”
“Different how?”
“Well, it’s like... I used to be able to put my romantic feelings away and just sleep with him, and it was good. It was comfortable. But that’s not what happened this time.”
“So... Have your feelings for him come back?”
“I think so,” Adam said, “Fuck. Why now? It was so fucking hard to get over him, but when I finally did, I thought it would stick, you know? We found a way to be friends and it was working for us! I really thought it was, anyway...”
“Honey,” Danielle reached over an rubbed Adam’s shoulder, “There’s no use torturing yourself over the “why.” The point is, the feelings are there. Now what?”
“I have no fucking clue,” Adam shook his head, sighing heavily.
“Well,” Danielle asked, “How do you think he feels?”
“You know Brad,” Adam said, “It’s hard to tell. But he probably feels the same as ever.”
“Then I guess you have two choices. One, tell him and see how he responds. Two, keep it to yourself and try to get over it.”
Adam pursed his lips, “Both of those options suck.”
“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Danielle said, frowning sympathetically.
Adam sighed, gazing past Danielle into the distance, “Do you think I should tell him?”
“Well, personally, I really think you should, but that’s up to you.”
“Fuck, I don’t know.”
“Don’t kill yourself over it, hon,” Danielle said, patting Adam on the knee, “Take some time and see if you can figure it out. And then do what feels right for you.”
“I hope that works. Right now I just don’t know.”
“It’ll be okay, sweetie,” Danielle hugged Adam reassuringly. They sat in silence for several minutes, finishing off their glasses of wine. “Well,” Danielle said finally, getting off the couch, “I’m gonna go now. Think it over, and like I said, don’t kill yourself over it.”
“You know I will, though,” Adam said.
“Yes. And I know it’s hard. But it’s not like this is a problem that needs a solution tomorrow morning. Try to relax a bit.” They hugged, and Adam saw Danielle to the front door. “See you soon,” Danielle said, kissing him on the cheek.
After watching Danielle drive off, Adam took the remaining wine to the bathroom and drew himself a hot bubble bath. Lying there in the darkness with the candles flickering and the bubbles hissing quietly, Adam slowly sipped his wine and weighed his options. On the surface, it seemed like the easiest thing to do would be to ignore it and hope that the feelings went away. He could just act like everything were normal, and, eventually, it would be. Except Adam knew that wouldn’t work. He knew that the next time he saw Brad, things would be awkward. The feelings that had already started to reassert themselves would boil over, and afterward he’d feel them more intensely than ever. And what if another opportunity arose for them to have sex? Adam couldn’t go back down that road again, not if he hoped to get past his feelings. So, that option really wasn’t as simple as it seemed.
Then there was the option of telling Brad exactly how he felt. The small hope was that maybe Brad felt the same. But that option carried the heavy risk of making things between himself and Brad even more awkward than they might be if Adam were to simply ignore his feelings and hope they went away. If Brad didn’t feel the same way, they’d be thrust back into the strange, uncomfortable place they’d occupied right after their breakup, and Adam wasn’t sure that their relationship could survive that experience yet again. And Adam knew how unlikely it was that Brad felt the same way as he did; anyone with eyes could see how much Brad was still enjoying his youthful independence. They’d broken up for a reason, and Adam was pretty sure that the problem still existed.
Adam groaned. The water in the tub was cooling. Time to get out. He’d decided nothing, but, as Danielle had said, it wasn’t a problem that needed a solution by the next morning. Instead, then, Adam decided to try and distract himself by watching some DVDs. He didn’t focus much on what he was watching, but the background noise at least prevented real thoughts from forming in his mind. He eventually fell into a restless sleep, the TV still flickering in the darkness as he did.
Adam didn’t have any plans the next morning, so he slept late. He was woken by the doorbell. Stumbling groggily from his bed, he wrapped himself in a silk robe and answered the door. Rubbing his eyes, Adam opened the door to find Brad standing there, holding up Adam’s spiked collar “You left this in my car,” Brad grinned.
Brad sat on his bed, legs folded beneath him, naked, staring across the room at his vanity. On top of it sat the spiked collar that Adam had been wearing Friday night, when Brad had brought him home. Eyes locked on the collar, Brad ruffled his hair and sighed. He should just go and bring it over to Adam’s. Or text him to tell him about it. “You left your collar in my car; come get it.” Yes, it should be that simple. Brad bit his lip, still hesitating. He glared at the silver collar staring imposingly back at him. It seemed to take up the entire room. No matter where Brad had looked in the past few days, since finding the thing in his car and putting it on his dresser, it always seemed to be in his field of vision.
Groaning, Brad got off the bed and went to take a shower. While he did, he made an effort to focus on the video he’d been working on, the party he was going to this weekend, his next date with Jason, anything but that fucking collar that he could feel glaring at him through the bathroom door.
As he showered, Brad found his mind wandering back to Friday night. The way he’d melted under Adam’s touch, as usual. What Adam wanted, he was perfectly willing to offer. And what Adam had to offer was what he wanted. When Adam had beckoned him inside, he’d done so, completely willingly, feeling no real hesitation. Like always, it had been oh so easy, and amazing. And yet-
Brad shook his head and turned off the tap, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around himself. When Brad returned to his bedroom, of course, the first thing to catch his attention was the collar. He glared at it. “Fucking hell, fine!” he grumbled to himself, stuffing the thing into a bag and dropping it by the front door. He then stalked back into his bedroom to get dressed.
Twenty minutes later, Brad drove over to Adam’s. Once there, he stood at the front door, finger poised over the doorbell. He paused a moment. “Just ring the fucking bell,” he mumbled internally, rolling his eyes at his own hesitation. Inhaling deeply, Brad rang the bell and waited.
Adam answered the door a few moments later, dressed in a long silk robe, partially open to reveal his smooth chest, emphasized by a silver pendant that dangled in front of it. Biting his lip, Brad’s gaze rested there for a moment, before he shifted it to meet Adam’s. Adam smiled slightly, but his eyes remained questioning.
“You left this in my car,” Brad grinned, holding up the collar.
“Oh,” Adam said, “I was wondering where that went.”
“Did I wake you up?” Brad asked, noting Adam’s tousled hair and completely makeup-free face.
“Yeah, but it’s okay,” Adam said, “It’s kind of late, and I should be getting up, anyway. You wanna come in for some coffee?” Nodding with a smile, Brad followed Adam inside.
While Adam set about making the coffee, Brad sat down at the kitchen counter. The silence while they waited for the coffee to brew was thick with an unusual discomfort. Brad shifted in his seat, clearing his throat. “So, about the other night,” Brad finally said, after taking a deep breath.
“Yeah,” Adam said, clearing his throat, “About that...” Brad uneasily met Adam’s gaze, and Adam continued, “It was, well, it was fucking amazing, like always, but...” Adam’s phone started ringing before he could finish his thought. Getting it out of his robe pocket and looking down at it, his eyes widened. “Shit, I really need to take this, sorry,” Adam said, hurrying from the room.
Brad was left alone in the kitchen with his thoughts. What was that “but?” Where had this conversation been going, exactly? He shifted in his seat again. What the fuck was up with this damn stool, why was it so fucking hard and uncomfortable? Sighing, Brad got up, walked over to the now ready coffee and poured himself a cup.
From the other room, Adam’s melodious laughter echoed. Interesting, it was the same laugh Adam used when he was flirting with someone. Could it be that he’d been seeing someone, and after the encounter, he felt guilty? They usually stopped sleeping together when Adam was in a relationship - well, at least, once he got really serious about the relationship. That could be it. Brad’s stomach twinged. Frowning at himself, he shook his head. Good for Adam, really. After all, Brad, too, was seeing someone.
Adam reemerged, stuffing his phone back into his robe pocket. “Sorry about that,” he smiled apologetically, “Anyway, as I was saying--”
“It’s okay,” Brad interrupted, “I understand.”
“You do?” Adam asked, frowning.
“Of course, honey,” Brad said, fluttering his eyelashes and casually patting Adam’s arm, “We have to stop. I get it.”
“Oh, w-well,” Adam stuttered.
“I should probably go,” Brad hopped off his stool, “I have a date tonight. And you know perfection don’t come easy.”
“Oh,” Adam said, “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“Yeah,” Brad looked off into the distance behind Adam with a wry smile, “his name’s Jason.”
“You been seeing him long?”
“Just a couple weeks.”
“So, he’s a good guy?”
“Honey,” Brad raised his eyebrows, “Would I ever settle for anything less than a quality man?”
“No,” Adam laughed lightly, “I guess not.”
“Well,” Brad leaned over, taking Adam’s jaw in his hand and planting a quick peck on his lips, “I gotta run.”
Adam saw Brad to the door. “Have fun,” he said, smiling vaguely.
“Oh I will,” Brad smirked back, cocking an eyebrow, “I will.”
Once back in the car, Brad frowned at himself again. The collar was back where it belonged, returned to its rightful owner. Still, though, he could feel it, weighing on his mind. Unsettled, Brad took a deep breath and drove off.
***
Uncertainty
Chapter 4
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Adam/Brad.
Word Count: 2,257.
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Adam sat in the comfortable chair of the writing room, pen in hand, tapping it repeatedly against the pad in his other hand. The page was blank. Lifting the pen to his lips, Adam chewed on the end of it. Though he was in a writing session for his next album, lyrics were the furthest thing from his mind.
John entered the room, mug in hand. Setting it down on the table beside Adam, he crossed the room and sat in another chair. “Brought you some tea,” he said.
“Thanks,” Adam nodded vaguely, still wrapped up in his own thoughts.
“You okay?” John asked, “You seem really distracted.”
“Yeah,” Adam replied, shaking his head, “I just can’t focus today.”
“I’m sorry,” John said, “This isn’t the best working environment for you, is it?”
“Nah, it’s not that,” Adam said, shaking his head, “I’m just totally out of it today.”
“You want to reschedule?”
“Yeah, maybe later this week? And a little less... professional?”
“Sure, no problem.”
With the session put off until later, Adam headed home. It was a beautiful day; he would have loved to walk to and from the session, but the paparazzi presence was ridiculous. Sighing at that little irritation, Adam got into his car amid the camera flashes. He smiled, waving vaguely, subtly acknowledging the paps’ presence without letting them control the situation. It was an unconscious behaviour by now.
The drive home was short, but Adam’s thoughts never strayed from the issue that troubled him. Once he arrived at his house, he changed into some more comfortable clothes and turned on his computer. He thought that maybe he needed some kind of distraction. He found several ridiculous rumors about himself floating around on the internet, but, at the moment, he didn’t have the energy to dispel them.
Sighing, Adam lay back on the couch. He reached for his phone and dialed Danielle’s number. “Hey, babe,” she said, picking up.
“Hey,” Adam replied.
“What’s up?” Danielle asked.
“You busy tonight?”
“No, how come?”
“You wanna come over? I could use some advice.”
“What about, sweetie?”
“I don’t really wanna get into it over the phone.”
“Okay, I’ll be over as soon as I can. I’ll bring the wine.”
A few hours later, Adam and Danielle sat in Adam’s living room, the bottle of wine open on the coffee table. “So,” Danielle said eventually, “What is it, hon?”
Adam took a deep breath, “I slept with Brad on Friday night.”
“...And?” Danielle raised an eyebrow. Adam stared back at her. “What?” Danielle shrugged, “You guys do that all the time!”
“I know,” Adam sighed, “But we hadn’t since before Ty and I got together. And this time... I don’t know, something was different.”
“Different how?”
“Well, it’s like... I used to be able to put my romantic feelings away and just sleep with him, and it was good. It was comfortable. But that’s not what happened this time.”
“So... Have your feelings for him come back?”
“I think so,” Adam said, “Fuck. Why now? It was so fucking hard to get over him, but when I finally did, I thought it would stick, you know? We found a way to be friends and it was working for us! I really thought it was, anyway...”
“Honey,” Danielle reached over an rubbed Adam’s shoulder, “There’s no use torturing yourself over the “why.” The point is, the feelings are there. Now what?”
“I have no fucking clue,” Adam shook his head, sighing heavily.
“Well,” Danielle asked, “How do you think he feels?”
“You know Brad,” Adam said, “It’s hard to tell. But he probably feels the same as ever.”
“Then I guess you have two choices. One, tell him and see how he responds. Two, keep it to yourself and try to get over it.”
Adam pursed his lips, “Both of those options suck.”
“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Danielle said, frowning sympathetically.
Adam sighed, gazing past Danielle into the distance, “Do you think I should tell him?”
“Well, personally, I really think you should, but that’s up to you.”
“Fuck, I don’t know.”
“Don’t kill yourself over it, hon,” Danielle said, patting Adam on the knee, “Take some time and see if you can figure it out. And then do what feels right for you.”
“I hope that works. Right now I just don’t know.”
“It’ll be okay, sweetie,” Danielle hugged Adam reassuringly. They sat in silence for several minutes, finishing off their glasses of wine. “Well,” Danielle said finally, getting off the couch, “I’m gonna go now. Think it over, and like I said, don’t kill yourself over it.”
“You know I will, though,” Adam said.
“Yes. And I know it’s hard. But it’s not like this is a problem that needs a solution tomorrow morning. Try to relax a bit.” They hugged, and Adam saw Danielle to the front door. “See you soon,” Danielle said, kissing him on the cheek.
After watching Danielle drive off, Adam took the remaining wine to the bathroom and drew himself a hot bubble bath. Lying there in the darkness with the candles flickering and the bubbles hissing quietly, Adam slowly sipped his wine and weighed his options. On the surface, it seemed like the easiest thing to do would be to ignore it and hope that the feelings went away. He could just act like everything were normal, and, eventually, it would be. Except Adam knew that wouldn’t work. He knew that the next time he saw Brad, things would be awkward. The feelings that had already started to reassert themselves would boil over, and afterward he’d feel them more intensely than ever. And what if another opportunity arose for them to have sex? Adam couldn’t go back down that road again, not if he hoped to get past his feelings. So, that option really wasn’t as simple as it seemed.
Then there was the option of telling Brad exactly how he felt. The small hope was that maybe Brad felt the same. But that option carried the heavy risk of making things between himself and Brad even more awkward than they might be if Adam were to simply ignore his feelings and hope they went away. If Brad didn’t feel the same way, they’d be thrust back into the strange, uncomfortable place they’d occupied right after their breakup, and Adam wasn’t sure that their relationship could survive that experience yet again. And Adam knew how unlikely it was that Brad felt the same way as he did; anyone with eyes could see how much Brad was still enjoying his youthful independence. They’d broken up for a reason, and Adam was pretty sure that the problem still existed.
Adam groaned. The water in the tub was cooling. Time to get out. He’d decided nothing, but, as Danielle had said, it wasn’t a problem that needed a solution by the next morning. Instead, then, Adam decided to try and distract himself by watching some DVDs. He didn’t focus much on what he was watching, but the background noise at least prevented real thoughts from forming in his mind. He eventually fell into a restless sleep, the TV still flickering in the darkness as he did.
Adam didn’t have any plans the next morning, so he slept late. He was woken by the doorbell. Stumbling groggily from his bed, he wrapped himself in a silk robe and answered the door. Rubbing his eyes, Adam opened the door to find Brad standing there, holding up Adam’s spiked collar “You left this in my car,” Brad grinned.
Brad sat on his bed, legs folded beneath him, naked, staring across the room at his vanity. On top of it sat the spiked collar that Adam had been wearing Friday night, when Brad had brought him home. Eyes locked on the collar, Brad ruffled his hair and sighed. He should just go and bring it over to Adam’s. Or text him to tell him about it. “You left your collar in my car; come get it.” Yes, it should be that simple. Brad bit his lip, still hesitating. He glared at the silver collar staring imposingly back at him. It seemed to take up the entire room. No matter where Brad had looked in the past few days, since finding the thing in his car and putting it on his dresser, it always seemed to be in his field of vision.
Groaning, Brad got off the bed and went to take a shower. While he did, he made an effort to focus on the video he’d been working on, the party he was going to this weekend, his next date with Jason, anything but that fucking collar that he could feel glaring at him through the bathroom door.
As he showered, Brad found his mind wandering back to Friday night. The way he’d melted under Adam’s touch, as usual. What Adam wanted, he was perfectly willing to offer. And what Adam had to offer was what he wanted. When Adam had beckoned him inside, he’d done so, completely willingly, feeling no real hesitation. Like always, it had been oh so easy, and amazing. And yet-
Brad shook his head and turned off the tap, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around himself. When Brad returned to his bedroom, of course, the first thing to catch his attention was the collar. He glared at it. “Fucking hell, fine!” he grumbled to himself, stuffing the thing into a bag and dropping it by the front door. He then stalked back into his bedroom to get dressed.
Twenty minutes later, Brad drove over to Adam’s. Once there, he stood at the front door, finger poised over the doorbell. He paused a moment. “Just ring the fucking bell,” he mumbled internally, rolling his eyes at his own hesitation. Inhaling deeply, Brad rang the bell and waited.
Adam answered the door a few moments later, dressed in a long silk robe, partially open to reveal his smooth chest, emphasized by a silver pendant that dangled in front of it. Biting his lip, Brad’s gaze rested there for a moment, before he shifted it to meet Adam’s. Adam smiled slightly, but his eyes remained questioning.
“You left this in my car,” Brad grinned, holding up the collar.
“Oh,” Adam said, “I was wondering where that went.”
“Did I wake you up?” Brad asked, noting Adam’s tousled hair and completely makeup-free face.
“Yeah, but it’s okay,” Adam said, “It’s kind of late, and I should be getting up, anyway. You wanna come in for some coffee?” Nodding with a smile, Brad followed Adam inside.
While Adam set about making the coffee, Brad sat down at the kitchen counter. The silence while they waited for the coffee to brew was thick with an unusual discomfort. Brad shifted in his seat, clearing his throat. “So, about the other night,” Brad finally said, after taking a deep breath.
“Yeah,” Adam said, clearing his throat, “About that...” Brad uneasily met Adam’s gaze, and Adam continued, “It was, well, it was fucking amazing, like always, but...” Adam’s phone started ringing before he could finish his thought. Getting it out of his robe pocket and looking down at it, his eyes widened. “Shit, I really need to take this, sorry,” Adam said, hurrying from the room.
Brad was left alone in the kitchen with his thoughts. What was that “but?” Where had this conversation been going, exactly? He shifted in his seat again. What the fuck was up with this damn stool, why was it so fucking hard and uncomfortable? Sighing, Brad got up, walked over to the now ready coffee and poured himself a cup.
From the other room, Adam’s melodious laughter echoed. Interesting, it was the same laugh Adam used when he was flirting with someone. Could it be that he’d been seeing someone, and after the encounter, he felt guilty? They usually stopped sleeping together when Adam was in a relationship - well, at least, once he got really serious about the relationship. That could be it. Brad’s stomach twinged. Frowning at himself, he shook his head. Good for Adam, really. After all, Brad, too, was seeing someone.
Adam reemerged, stuffing his phone back into his robe pocket. “Sorry about that,” he smiled apologetically, “Anyway, as I was saying--”
“It’s okay,” Brad interrupted, “I understand.”
“You do?” Adam asked, frowning.
“Of course, honey,” Brad said, fluttering his eyelashes and casually patting Adam’s arm, “We have to stop. I get it.”
“Oh, w-well,” Adam stuttered.
“I should probably go,” Brad hopped off his stool, “I have a date tonight. And you know perfection don’t come easy.”
“Oh,” Adam said, “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“Yeah,” Brad looked off into the distance behind Adam with a wry smile, “his name’s Jason.”
“You been seeing him long?”
“Just a couple weeks.”
“So, he’s a good guy?”
“Honey,” Brad raised his eyebrows, “Would I ever settle for anything less than a quality man?”
“No,” Adam laughed lightly, “I guess not.”
“Well,” Brad leaned over, taking Adam’s jaw in his hand and planting a quick peck on his lips, “I gotta run.”
Adam saw Brad to the door. “Have fun,” he said, smiling vaguely.
“Oh I will,” Brad smirked back, cocking an eyebrow, “I will.”
Once back in the car, Brad frowned at himself again. The collar was back where it belonged, returned to its rightful owner. Still, though, he could feel it, weighing on his mind. Unsettled, Brad took a deep breath and drove off.
***
Uncertainty
Chapter 4