I count my fingers. Each finger has to touch the thumb in order, then in reverse order. I've done that for hours, until the hand cramps and I can't move the fingers anymore. Only way to stop it is go open and close a door three times. It has to have a knob, not a handle, not be pushed.
The one that always cramps my hand is when I go to grab something and my brain says "Hey, go ahead and stop a few inches short. Then, the harder you try, the harder I'll make the muscles from your shoulders to your fingertips tighten up. Oh, but don't give up! Keep going for way too long!"
Also, doors should all have infrared sensors to open them, as handles, doorknobs, and push plates were clearly invented by the Germ Demon. He's such a douche.
One of my worst things is when I brush my teeth. (It's bad because I end up rubbing my gums raw.) I have to brush with water, then floss, brush with water again, brush with tooth paste, brush with water, go back with the floss, then I'll use the mouthwash, brush with water, floss again, etc.
I also take forever eating because I fucking count chews, and it has to be an even number and over 20 chews...then I have to switch sides. Makes for going out to eat with people interesting. Luckily, people think I'm just being a slow eater.
Yes! Fucking counting chews! They, like nearly everything else in my life, must be done in threes. It's so hard to explain to people that after the Skittles have been arranged by color and quantity, they must be consumed in sets of three, then two, then one. During that time, I will be counting every damn chew.
Maybe that's why I compulsively need them for movies, because it's easy to get distracted from the colors in the dark and I can ignore the chew-counting if I'm totally into the movie...
First, never, Ever, EVER apologize for saying these things. We HAVE to or we'll go mad. You're not saying "pity me," you're saying "understand me."
So much of what you said is true of me, save that it was a combination of disorders that drove me away from everyone, including myself, for the six months I don't remember.
Over the years I was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar disorder, et cetera, until they settled on "unspecified mood disorder," which means "just a whole bunch of stack of crazy that isn't the other stuff."
So remember, you're not alone, and talking about it isn't whining about it.
Not to mention the constant looming background fear that SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT IT'S HORRIBLE AND IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND IT'S GOING TO BE MY FAULT
Not to mention the occasional debilitating bout of "what if I lose my mind and stab my mother to death while she's sleeping/OH GOD I'M AN AXE MURDERER" or "what if i have some kind of undiagnosed genetic heart condition and I'm going to just drop dead randomly" (both of these obsessions happened to me AS YOU KNOW. The heart palpitation thing was bad - my brain kept going "WHAT IF THE DOCTOR DIDN'T DO ALL THE TESTS OH MY GOD I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE")
I'm using all caps and run-on sentences because this is the closest approximation of what my brain sounds like when I'm going through one of my pure-obsession hellfire kidney-failure-inducing-panic-attack death spirals.
LUCKILY I haven't dealt with anything that severe in a few years, but still. I get extremely pissy when people giggle about "being OCD" cause they clean their houses a
You and I have had these talks so many times, including the night we regret talking about them because we set each other off big-time on OCD and tics. :P
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isn't it fun?
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Also, doors should all have infrared sensors to open them, as handles, doorknobs, and push plates were clearly invented by the Germ Demon. He's such a douche.
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I also take forever eating because I fucking count chews, and it has to be an even number and over 20 chews...then I have to switch sides. Makes for going out to eat with people interesting. Luckily, people think I'm just being a slow eater.
:(
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Maybe that's why I compulsively need them for movies, because it's easy to get distracted from the colors in the dark and I can ignore the chew-counting if I'm totally into the movie...
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If we ever want people to understand, we have to tell them what is that we do.
Thank you, dear!
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(The comment has been removed)
So much of what you said is true of me, save that it was a combination of disorders that drove me away from everyone, including myself, for the six months I don't remember.
Over the years I was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar disorder, et cetera, until they settled on "unspecified mood disorder," which means "just a whole bunch of stack of crazy that isn't the other stuff."
So remember, you're not alone, and talking about it isn't whining about it.
It's what we should do for each other. :D
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(The comment has been removed)
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Not to mention the constant looming background fear that SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT IT'S HORRIBLE AND IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND IT'S GOING TO BE MY FAULT
Not to mention the occasional debilitating bout of "what if I lose my mind and stab my mother to death while she's sleeping/OH GOD I'M AN AXE MURDERER" or "what if i have some kind of undiagnosed genetic heart condition and I'm going to just drop dead randomly" (both of these obsessions happened to me AS YOU KNOW. The heart palpitation thing was bad - my brain kept going "WHAT IF THE DOCTOR DIDN'T DO ALL THE TESTS OH MY GOD I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE")
I'm using all caps and run-on sentences because this is the closest approximation of what my brain sounds like when I'm going through one of my pure-obsession hellfire kidney-failure-inducing-panic-attack death spirals.
LUCKILY I haven't dealt with anything that severe in a few years, but still. I get extremely pissy when people giggle about "being OCD" cause they clean their houses a
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Booze before talking disorders, yeah? :D
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