I like. I knew this was a good opening when you first told me about it. It sets up a very strange world, with very weird people. More to the point, it further supports my Kafka claim.
Minor nitpicks: In paragraph three, you call it a 'torsion' key. Do you mean 'tension'? and you missed the d in 'looked.'
But I love that Serge congratulates Al on having repressed trauma. And I love the 'voluntary tax' thing. Kinda puts the emperor up to that god-like level, making it almost religious in tone.
I'm glad you liked it. It wants to go somewhere, so I think tomorrow I'll be letting it off of its leash. The words "magical sixties penis" are aching to be used.
"If that's not enough Orgon energy for the old man, he's going to have to move into a porn studio. A twenty-four hour porn studio. Next to a whorehouse. In Queens. Are you even listening to me?"
This is right up in my wheelhouse. There is something stunningly awesome about the fact that all you have to do is take some elements of the past (Orgon energy, the idea of an "Emperor", New Yorker cartoons), mix them, and, viola, the future! Fear ben sTone, ladies and gentlemen, for he has seen the future by looking into the past, and what he has preforeseen is a collage of memories held together by desire and hope varnished with a thick and viscous layer of fluids both organic and in-!
Okay, this is going to sound very silly, but I can't express to you just how much that response means to me. You nailed what I was aiming for PERFECTLY, something I wasn't sure I was getting across. Thanks.
I'm going to have to go plug your journal again. ;D
I keep going back to reread what you've already written and then reading the newer stuff so forgive the weird timing on this reply...
Half of 77 is 38.5 Does this mean one of the virgins was a hermaphrodite? And if so...did you know one of the Alchemical steps of turning lead to gold as per the Emerald Tablet involves a "hermaphrodite"?
As for my other comments on the story as a whole, the editor in me is waiting for more.
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Minor nitpicks: In paragraph three, you call it a 'torsion' key. Do you mean 'tension'? and you missed the d in 'looked.'
But I love that Serge congratulates Al on having repressed trauma. And I love the 'voluntary tax' thing. Kinda puts the emperor up to that god-like level, making it almost religious in tone.
Write on, fool.
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And thanks for the missing "d". As I said on CM, I was a bit rushed when I sent this out...
Now I'm just wondering where it wants to go...
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"Stick THAT in your Voluntary Tax Tube and spend it!"
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This is right up in my wheelhouse. There is something stunningly awesome about the fact that all you have to do is take some elements of the past (Orgon energy, the idea of an "Emperor", New Yorker cartoons), mix them, and, viola, the future! Fear ben sTone, ladies and gentlemen, for he has seen the future by looking into the past, and what he has preforeseen is a collage of memories held together by desire and hope varnished with a thick and viscous layer of fluids both organic and in-!
Or something like that.
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I'm going to have to go plug your journal again. ;D
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Half of 77 is 38.5
Does this mean one of the virgins was a hermaphrodite?
And if so...did you know one of the Alchemical steps of turning lead to gold as per the Emerald Tablet involves a "hermaphrodite"?
As for my other comments on the story as a whole, the editor in me is waiting for more.
-e
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